Fall from Grace
by willgoal
Summary: After struggling to have a child, Ana and Christian have a daughter, but problems don't stop there. A dark secret is killing Sera inside. Will Christian and Ana be able to help her, or will they be too late? This is my second fanfiction that I'm writing. I DON'T OWN 50SOG NOR THE CHARACTERS... Mentions of Anorexia, and controlling Christian. PLEASE PROVIDE REVIEWS.
1. Chapter 1

I always knew my family was kind of different. My mother is this beautiful woman that had captivated dad's heart in an instant. They always told me how it started. Mum had gone to interview dad instead of her beloved friend Kate. I guess the starts were perfectly aligned for my parents to be together.

Mum always wanted kids, and although dad was a bit sceptical about starting a family, mum, as usual, managed to convince him in building one. After 5 years of trying they had me, but the birth wasn't easy.

* * *

'Push Mrs. Grey… I can see the head.' The doctor insisted again.

'Come on Ana, you can do it. We'll have our daughter here. One big push and she's here.' Dad encouraged mum.

'You fool! You should be doing this!' Mum said in an outrage as she shouted again feeling another contraction.

'She's almost here.' The doctor said again, while mum gave another big push. 'She's here!' Dr Miller continued.

'You did it honey! We have her here!' Dad said with tears in his eyes as he held mum's hand and squeezed it.

'Christian, I don't feel well…' Mum replied slowly as she felt herself losing unconsciousness.

* * *

'Dr. How's my wife?' Dad asked in a total panic as his mother stood beside him.

'She's stable for now. Unfortunately… we had to do a hysterectomy…'

'What?' Dad exclaimed. 'Ana, is only 26! She's way too young for that!'

'Not in Mrs. Steele's case. Unfortunately, there was a rupture in her uterus and in both her ovaries which made her go into full blown haemorrhage. We couldn't save her reproductive organs.' The doctor explained.

'How could this have happened?' Grandma Grace asked. 'There had to be a cause for sure.'

'Dr Grey, we believe that it could have been due to the fall she had taken a week ago. Her spleen was fixed right away; however, oxygen was already being constricted for the foetus. We had to induce the birth. Her organs could have been damaged.' The Doctor explained. 'Mr Grey. Where you thinking on having any more kids?'

'No… not really…' Dad answered. 'We're blessed with a daughter. That's more than we could have asked for. Will my daughter have a mother? Will Ana be all fine?'

'Yes Mr Grey. Mrs. Grey is on the clearance and she'll be back on her feet in no time.'

Mum had become infertile …

* * *

Having gone to school, my friends always mentioned brothers and sisters. I always wanted a sibling. I guess I could have someone to talk to… someone to be with. Although my parents never denied me their love, I missed them. They worked from 7am till 6pm and came home at 7pm, so I never had that much time with them. The only time I remember my parents as a family home, was when I was very young. We used to go out, have picnics, play dates with dad, and dress shopping with mum. Pictures every single day… it was Dad's way of showing me how fast I was growing up and how I was changing. But those all ended, and from family quality time, things ended up with my parents at work, and Taylor driving me to school and Ballet, back to home. I knew Taylor and his daughter Natalie more than I knew my parents.

Not knowing how, I became a 17 year old.

* * *

'Ms. Grey, it's time for school.' Gail said as she switched off my buzzing alarm and opened my curtains.

'uhh… I'm tired…'

'Ms. Grey, there's a reason why Mr. Grey set a time limit for you to sleep.'

'I was studying…' I replied again as I put the covers over my head. '… and I've been asking you to call me Sera for over 15 years now Gail.'

'Ok, Sera.' She replied again as she put my daily clothes on the edge of my bed and pulled the covers off me. '… but you still have to get up… Mr. and Mrs. Grey are downstairs waiting for you.'

'They're still here?' I replied as I shot up immediately.

'Yes Ms… Sera.'

* * *

I hurriedly got dressed, and made my hair into a sweet high pony tail. I grabbed my leather messenger bag, and laptop in the other hand along with my lab coat, and ran to the kitchen, where both my parents were waiting for me.

'Morning Peanut.' Dad said as he took my laptop and placed it safely on the table. 'How are you dear?' Mum continued.

'I'm ok… ' I replied as I set my stuff on the floor and went to fill a large glass of chilled water. 'You off today?'

'Yes.' Mum replied. 'Now come and join us for breakfast?' She continued.

'Um…'

'IS there something wrong?' Dad asked as he raised his eyebrow and gave me one of his stern looks.

'No…'

'Then sit down.' He replied as he took the seat out for me beside him.

I hesitantly went beside him and looked in front of me. There were all kinds of foods. Bacon, Scrambled and fried eggs, sausages, omelettes, and the usual bowl full of fruit. I always wondered dad's obsession with having this much food! I mean, yes, Gail and Taylor do dine with us at times, but this much breakfast is too much.

'So…' Dad insisted again as he pushed some of the stuff in front of me.

'I can't eat that.' I replied as I pushed it back.

'Why? It's perfectly well cooked!' Mum insisted. 'Are you feeling ok dear?'

'Yes… It's just I'm a vegetarian.' I replied as I took a handful of grapes.

'Since when?' Dad asked sternly as he stared at me uncomfortably.

'Almost a year now.' I replied as I ingested another grape. 'You never eat dinners or breakfasts here. That's why you never noticed.' I replied as Taylor came in.

'Sorry to interrupt Mr Grey, but I have to drive Sera to school.'

'Yes… sure…' Dad replied as handed me my laptop.

'Love you mum… Love you dad…' I said as dropped a kiss on bother of their cheeks and made my way out with Taylor.

'Something is wrong.' Dad stated as he continued digging in his breakfast.

'She's growing up Christian. There's nothing wrong with that.' Mum replied as took another slice of bacon.

'Yeah… I hope so.'


	2. Chapter 2

School wasn't easy, but I didn't want to continue on my father's footsteps and take over his company. Yes, someday I may have to learn the ropes, but for now, I wanted to study and get my own dream fulfilled. My parents always encouraged me to fulfil my wishes in academic ways, especially Grandma Grace. It was her line of profession after all.

I made my way through the hallways while I was still lost in deep thoughts. Having been enrolled in a private school, many advantages are in my conquest. Hallways are spick and span, and quiet all over the school is enforced. Lessons are detailed and all teachers are loving and caring. The only downside is that some students don't realise that they have nothing more than others, they're just humans as me and others, and don't have to be all spoiled brats.

'Sera! Sera!' Mark yelled as came running catching up with me. 'Wait up!'

'Ohh… hey… didn't see you there!' I replied, as we walked together towards the lockers.

'… and you didn't hear me either.' He replied as he re-arranged his glasses. 'Are you ok Grey?'

'I'm perfect.' I replied again, as I looked at my phone noticing that Natalie had texted me.

'Michelson is in class, get your ass in here Grey!'

'We're late Mark.' I said as I hurried down the corridor.

'Nopes… Michelson is early.'

'Tell him that!'

* * *

Back at home, both mum and dad were clearing the boxes full 'out of season' clothing. It was their way of seeing what to keep and what to donate.

'Christian is this box yours?' Mum asked.

'No… I usually mark mine.' He replied back as he opened it. 'These are Sera's… and are practically new!'

'Gail?' Mum called for her, as she came hurriedly in the room.

'Yes Mrs. Grey.'

'Why are Sera's clothes in this box? They're practically new!'

'They were fitting her too big Mrs. Grey, and Taylor took her shopping 2 months ago for smaller ones.'

'Smaller than these?' Dad exclaimed.

'Um… Yes Mr Grey.' She replied as dad brushed ran upstairs and mum followed suit.

'What are you doing Christian?'

'Checking our daughter's current size.' He replied as he opened my closet.

'That's invasion of her privacy Christian! We need to trust her!' Mum replied again as she moved forward.

'Privacy my ass! She's a fuckin' extra small! A 17 year old wearing 11 to 12 year old clothing and extra small!'

'Let me see.' Mum said as she took in the sizing labels. 'I was an extra small Christian. It means nothing.'

'Our daughter was a Medium size! She's an extra-small Ana!'

'Christian, relax… We have some days off, and we can monitor things for a while.' Mum said as she kissed dad. 'Come on Christian… put everything back, and we'll keep an eye on her. That's all.'

'You always know how to relax me Ana.' Dad replied as he took in mum's astonishing odour. 'Damn… You intoxicate me Ana!'

'We're alone!'

'In our daughter's room? I kind of want to let this room innocent… for her own sake.' Christian replied. 'We can always go into our room.'

'What are you waiting for then Grey?' Mum replied as she took his hands and made their way to their bedroom. 'Our spring cleaning can wait.'

* * *

'Can this lesson be any more boring?' Natalie whispered, as she jolted me from my own thoughts.

'Uhh?' I asked.

'I said if this lesson could be any more boring…'

'It can't be! It's already boring as it is!' I replied as I copied the next note Michelson wrote. 'Why did I take philosophy?!'

'… because we took the only class available.' Natalie whispered back.

'Ms. Grey, Ms. Grimaudli, do you want to share something with us?'

'Um… No sir…'

'THEN NO TALKING IN MY CLASS!'

* * *

4 Hours of lessons finally passed, and Natalie, Mark and I made our way to the cafeteria. It was always filled with students, however we always took the same seat. We always took the table on the back side of where no one sits. At least there is a bit of quiet and we could converse.

We all took our trays and as usual we took out some of our work which we could finish.

'Seriously, do people have any better work to do that finding impossible questions?' Natalie grumbled.

'What is it Nat?' I asked as I took a sip of water.

'Complement Proteins aiding in immunity.'

'Mhmm… I guess, as they're produced by hepatocytes and monocytes, they can be activated through alternative pathway or classical pathway…' I started, as Mark took over.

'… they attract neutrophils by chemotaxis, and some are involved in opsonisation. Some punch holes in bacteria causing them to burst, and also promote inflammation by promoting Mast cells.'

'Ohh… that's easy then…' Natalie replied, as she scribbled everything down. 'Guys, you think you'll be able to come for a sleep over tomorrow?' She asked.

'Count me in!' Mark replied. 'Just bring plenty of pizza.' He joked.

'What about you Sera?'

'I'm not sure guys. My parents are finally taking some time off from work, and I'd rather spend some time with them while I can.'

'Yeah sure… It's understandable.' Natalie said. 'Which reminds me. How are things?'

'They're ok… I'm used to things as they are… I know they love me… It's just that have a lot of stresses.' I replied. 'Anyhow… enough about me… Natalie we need to go shopping! I need a new dress!.'

'What happened to the last one we bought?'

'Um… It fits a tad big…'

'Oh…' Nat replied as the bell cut her off. 'Let's go to class.' She continued as we took our trays and placed them on the stack of used trays.

I waited for my friends to move before me before I throw my full tray keeping only the bottle of water.

'Sera, you haven't touched anything!' Mark noticed.

'Um… not hungry… had a huge breakfast at home.' I replied, as I caught up to them.


	3. Chapter 3

At 3pm school was dismissed and after saying the goodbyes to my friends, I made my way out where Taylor was already waiting for me.

'Hello Sera. May I take your bag?'

'No need Taylor…' I replied. 'Are mum and dad still home?'

'Yes Sera.' Taylor replied as he closed the car door behind me. 'Do you need anything before we go home?'

'No thanks Taylor.' I replied back as I let my head fall backwards, staring outside the window.

* * *

It wasn't long till we arrived home and took the elevator to the kitchen. Gail was already there preparing lunch for everybody. The smell of what she was cooking was making my mouth water, but I wasn't hungry.

Mum and dad were making their way downstairs holding hand in hand. I always admired their affection. Although they had been married for 22 years, they never were shy on showing their love.

'Hello dear.' Mum said as she came forward hugging me and kissing my forehead. 'How was school?'

'It was ok. It's school.' I joked. 'Natalie invited me for a sleepover tomorrow.' I continued as I saw dad's face jolt up as he heard the word sleepover. 'No need to worry dad, I said no as you're here. I'd rather spend some time with you guys.'

'That's my daughter.' Mum said as she held me from my shoulders. 'Now why don't you go to freshen up and join us for lunch?'

'Um… I had a huge lunch at school. They had mushroom tortellini so I ate from there.' I replied back feeling my dad's stare on me.

'Well that's ok dear… but you still can join us.' Mum replied again as she took her seat with dad.

I could see him getting on his nerves. He was quiet and quiet dad meant trouble. He scared me at times liked that, but I still took my usual seat beside him.

'Do you need anything Sera?' Gail asked me as she got mum and dad's dish.

'Um… some peppermint tea would be nice please.' I replied as I took out my laptop and switched it on. 'I have the ballet open day today. Are you coming?' I asked hesitantly, and I saw dad's face softening up.

'We wouldn't miss it for the world peanut.' Dad replied.

* * *

Lunch was spent in quiet, having some small talk with my parents while I worked on my philosophy assignment. It was easy that way. I could feel lighter… different… good different…

* * *

Time flew by, and it was finally time to go to ballet. I love ballet. It made me feel loose of all my worries. I could go on point and not letting anything stop me… not anything pull me down… not even my own thoughts.

My parents were there on the very first row with the other parents. Dad was in his CEO behaviour, but when I waved at them, both my parents were the soft ones I always remembered. Mum motioned to dad to start the camera as Madame Cabernet, started the lesson.

'Ok class, your parents are the audience… put them under your spell!' She started as we all took our places.

I blocked everything from my mind. I focused on the dance and let everything remain there at that moment. I was doing arabesque, pirouttes, fouettes… everything she asked us to do… it's the only time I know that everything is fine… however 2 hours flew by, and the lesson ended.

My parents waited for me outside the dressing room, and as I got out they both greeted me.

'That's my tiny dancer!' Dad said as he lifted me off easily, and hugged me tight.

'Daddy! I'm 17! Not 7!' I asked as I begged him to put me down.

'So because you're 17, I cannot lift you anymore?' Dad asked with his 'hurt' face.

'Ok fine…' I replied as he put me down.

'You were great dear!' Mum continued as dad took my bag and they held me between them, and walked towards the car outside of the studio.

'Why have we stopped being like this?' I asked all of a sudden.

'What do you mean Peanut?' Dad asked as he put the duffle bag in the car luggage.

'Like this… a family… going to places together… doing things together…' I replied as all of us entered the car and put our seatbelt on. 'I miss this…'

* * *

The drive to home was in utter quiet, and I ended up falling asleep. I was too tired to remain on my feet.

'She slept… she's still a young girl Christian.' Mum said as he touched my hand. 'Don't wake her up… she seems peaceful.'

'She has to have dinner Ana! She barely had breakfast and skipped lunch…'

'Christian she said she had tortellini at school. I trust our daughter…'

'You're right.' Dad answered. '…take her bag, I'll carry our baby to bed.'


	4. Chapter 4

Dad sat me slowly in bed and covered me with all the covers available. The cold sheets against my body, jolted me up in a hazy way, and dad was there sitting on the edge of the bed.

'Shh… Sleep peanut…'

'Can you stay daddy?' I asked hopefully.

'Yes peanut… I'll stay.' He replied back as he took off my glasses, and set them on the bedside table.

* * *

'She slept.' Dad told mum as he took his seat beside her.

'Good. She needs it.' Mum replied as she took a sip of the crispy wine. '… What's wrong Christian? You've been thoughtful all day!'

'I'm worried Ana! There's something wrong for sure and I can't pinpoint anything. Sera seems different… and we haven't been there for her in a long time…'

'Christian that can be easily fixed. Christmas holidays are with us. We can take some time off.' Mum suggested. 'I can cancel the flight to France, and we can stay here and do something together as a family. How does that sound?'

'It sounds great.' Christian smiled as he planted a soft yet passionate kiss on mum. 'You always have the solution to everything honey…'

'That's because I have a loving husband and an amazing family…' She replied as she took a bit from her chicken.

* * *

The weeks passed by and from what seemed November, December came. Mum, Dad and I seemed to have a better relationship than we used to have. They were spending more time home, and both of them seemed relaxed. Dad had been having some correspondence and got rid of it at work and both returned early from their jobs.

After school, I had taken up running, and every day I made it a must to run at least 3 miles. It was the only time were neither Sawyer nor Taylor followed me. I could have some time for myself. Usually my parents were never home when I got back from my running, but that day was different.

'Sera Elizabeth Grey, where the hell were you!' Dad shouted as I opened the door to our Living Room.

'_Damn he pulled the whole name… He must be mad!'_

'Where were you Sera? And you don't take your fuckin' phone? Are we living in pre-historic times? I couldn't even track you!'

'Dad calm down! I was running. I always do this… Every day after school.'

'… and you don't let us know dear?' Mum asked softly.

'It wasn't important mum. It's just running. I release some stress.'

'It is important to us!' Dad irritated said again. 'We're your parents… we thought the worst! Taylor and Sawyer…'

'They don't know I'm out… it's the reason why I don't take my phone with me dad… I need some privacy and having them on my tail isn't private.'

'They're our security for a reason Sera! What if something happened to you? How were we supposed to know?'

'Dad calm down… nothing happened.' I replied. 'Mum tell him!'

'Although you are right about your privacy, your father is also right. We're just concerned dear. We don't want anything happening to you.'

'I know mum… I'm sorry…'

'Apology accepted… Now go take a shower and get dressed in your pj's… we're decorating the Christmas tree. I'll calm down your father.'

'Thanks mum…' I replied as I moved forward to dad. 'I'm sorry dad…' I continued as he pulled me into a crushing hug.

'Don't do that again! You scared me!'

'Dad … you're hurting me! I need to breath.' I replied as he loosened his grip. 'I won't dad… I promise… I love you daddy.'

'Love you too peanut… now go get ready.' He continued as he motioned me to the stairs.

* * *

'I don't know where she gets these ideas from…' Christian started as he took a glass and sipped some wine.

'Reminds me of someone Christian.'

'Yeah… you cannot say she's not your daughter Ana.'

'So when she's in trouble she is my daughter Mr. Grey?'

'Well…. Yeah.' He continued jokingly.

'There's something else on your mind isn't there?'

'It's nothing Ana…'

'Christian…'

'Don't worry about it honey…'

* * *

The night was filled with laughter and joy. We decorated the Christmas tree like all other years. It was utter fun. We loved the family time. As usual mum took out the camera and took photos of the three of us fooling around. I loved seeing both my parents in their 'non-formal' ways. I missed those moments, and it was during these times that I could see their true self.

Dad and I went under-cover mode and tickled mum till she begged us to stop, but that didn't stop there… because then both mum and dad tickle tortured me.

'Please stop! You're killing me!' I said between laugh fits.

'Nope! Not until you tell me that you won't date until you're thirty.

'Fine daddy… I won't date until I'm thirty!' I said again between laughing fits. 'Please stop! I can't breath! My tummy is hurting!'

'Ok…' Both said as they stopped and hugged me tight and lied down beside me.

'It's beautiful…' I started slowly.

'It truly is…' Mum continued…

'Noo… no the Christmas tree…' I replied slowly as I turned facing my mother. 'I mean this… us… together… thanks…' I finished as mum kissed my forehead and both my parents gave a look towards each other.


	5. Chapter 5

People change… We change by time… And what is time? It's an uncountable measure that helps us in determining how much we age… how much we change… it always changes… and yet change itself doesn't change, as if change changes and change wouldn't be there anymore.

I lied down staring at the ceiling wondering how things are and were. I let my mind drift into the thoughts that I had suppressed for years. I guess it was my only way of coping… blocking all the pain and not dealing with them. It was the easiest thing in life… not caring what happens.

I remembered how things were back when I was younger and how both my parents were there for me… where present in anything I did. Where there in anything I needed. I felt loved… I felt different than today… I was different.

* * *

_Flashback 2009_

'So this is what you were fucking doing all this time Christian? Seeing Elena?' I heard mum shouting from the kitchen.

'Ana, please calm down! I needed to vent off!'

'And you cannot fuckin' vent off with your wife? You need a hooker to do so?'

'She is not a hooker.'

'Than what is she huh? Ohh… yes right… she was that person who taught you the ropes right?' Mum shouted back as dropped the dishes with a thud. 'And you honestly think I'm falling for that Christian? You think I don't know what two people in bed together means?'

'Ana, don't shout! Sera's upstairs…'

'No, I'll shout so she'll know what kind of a father she has!' She shouted again as she climbed the stairs and dad followed suit.

As she entered their bedroom she took out the luggage from underneath their bed, and started packing anything she could find.

'Ana what are you doing?'

'What do you think I'm doing? I'm leaving… Sera's coming with me.'

'No way in hell you're taking our daughter.'

'Yes I am… I'm not leaving her with a cheater.'

'Ana please, listen to me… let's work this out…'

'NO Christian… I'm tired… I've tried helping you, I've tried understanding you… I've given you more than enough… and then you throw this? What the hell do you think I am? A frikkin orange that you use, squeeze all the juice and then throw it away?'

'Ana please… Nothing happened… She pushed me in bed… I never did anything with her.'

'Tell that to the lawyer… you'll be hearing from mine… Get your crap sorted out Grey.' Mum finished as she closed her suitcase and made her way to the door to my room.

She opened the door immediately and without any hesitation she stated. 'Sera, pack up some stuff that you need… we're leaving…'

* * *

I still never understood what happened… I never figured out what the deal was with that incident. Mum was seriously leaving dad… and dad cheating? He's … he's not that type… although I don't know what makes a cheating person the type of cheating person. I'm not even making any sense… I remember, I packed as fast as I could… I didn't want to anger my mother more than she was… my father was in tears begging mum to stay. I could see that he truly loves her. Maybe nothing really happened with this woman… maybe… I don't know… I'd rather believe that it was just a dream or that the leprechauns came at night giving me this bad dream.

I felt losing myself into sleep… It often happened that one moment I'm thinking and the other I'm sleeping… However, my mind would still be subconsciously thinking.

* * *

'Christian, leave me alone… We're leaving…' Mum said again as she took both our luggage and made our way hurriedly out to the parking lot. I was almost running trying to catch up with my mother. She was broken hearted. She didn't even say a word.

As we climbed in the car and mum started the engine, I could see my father running to us… but mum was quick and we drove as fast as we could out.

She was in tears, and I didn't know how to help her. I wished to take her pain and help her feel better, but I didn't know how…

'Mommy? Are you ok?' I asked her slowly.

'Yes dear…' She answered back as dried her tears. '… I'm a bit sad… that's all…'

'You know I love you very much mommy… right?' I replied innocently as I looked at her.

'Yes dear… I know… and I love you very much as well…' She said again as she took her eyes of the road for a second and touched my face…

It was that dreadful moment that a blinding light reflected into our eyes.

'MOMMY!' I screamed… while she took control of the car and pushed the breaks not letting us crash in an instant.

'That was close…' Mum said as she faced me again. 'Are you ok dear?'

'Yes mommy…' I said as I went forward and hugged her. 'I'm never leaving you mommy… I promise…'

'I know you won't dear…' She replied again, but it wasn't long till panic rose in us again.

I heard mum screaming and a sharp pain took over me. I felt my world flipping and turning… however it wasn't my world… it was the car… Everything was in slow motion… Everything was different… My head was aching and blood was gushing out of it. I looked at my side… and there was mum… lying lifeless, with her hand still in mine. I tried shaking her to wake up… but it was to no avail… I screamed for help but soon I felt myself being pulled into deep unconsciousness.

* * *

That was all it took for me to jolt up again from my sleep, and in few seconds both my parents were there beside me.

'What's wrong?' Dad asked panicky.

'Nothing dad… Just a nightmare…' I replied as I saw mum's eyes fill with pain.

'Why don't you go make some hot cocoa? I'll stay with her.' Mum suggested to dad… and he immediately noticed that maybe mum knew about some things that he was still in the dark…

'He left…' Mum started as she came sliding in between the bed sheets with me. 'How long?'

'How long what?'

'Don't play dumb… you know what I'm talking about.'

'It's nothing…'

'Sera… you never talked about this… with no one…'

'Mum it's nothing… it was just an accident…'

'Caused by unfortunate measures Sera…' Mum insisted… 'Why don't I make you an appointment with Dr Flynn? Your father and I have to go…'

'Mum, I'm not insane… it's just a nightmare…'

'That you've been having for over 4 years now Sera!'

'Mummm…'

'Ok… what if you talk to me?' Mum suggested… 'I can help you out…' She continued…

I thought about it for a second before asking again. 'What happened after the accident? I … still don't quite remember…'

'Neither do I dear… All I remember is when I woke up your father was there holding my hand and all I wanted was that man regardless of what the fight we had before… '

'Yes… but what happened that… I remember you still didn't want to sleep with daddy after everything happened… I still remember the constant fights…'

'True… and we did become a bit distant… but we're working on it… which is why we still are visiting Dr Flynn…'

'Does therapy take this long?' I asked as dad knocked bringing in the hot beverages and handed them to both of us. 'Thanks dad…'

'Is everything ok?' He asked suspicious.

'Yes…' I answered instantly as mum got up from the bed.

'Are you going to be ok?' Mum asked.

'Yes… I think I'll sleep now…'

'Ok dear… if you need anything you know where to come…' She said as she came forward and dropped a kiss on my forehead, while she dragged dad outside.

* * *

'What was that about?' He asked as they sat on their bed.

'Nothing…' Mum replied…

'Nightmares don't start with nothing Ana.'

'She doesn't want to talk about it for now…'

'… she never wants to talk about anything Anastasia…' He replied as he held her close to him… 'I'll make an appointment for her tomorrow with the good doctor…'

'Already suggested that and she refuses to…'

'Since when do we ask her about her wellbeing?'

'Christian we need to give her time… she needs to deal with things at her own pace… When she wants to talk she'll come to us… I was like her when I was younger…'

'At least she has the qualities of one of her parents.'


	6. Chapter 6

It was finally Friday, meaning that the weekend followed, where finally I could relax a bit and spend some time with both my family and friends. Natalie was coming for a sleepover, however Mark couldn't join. At least, she was able to come.

Both my parents were preparing the guest room for Natalie's stay. It was a very welcoming room, bright with a great view overseeing the garden underneath. It was a great room. I never understood why it was left for guests and not used for our personal use. I guess it's our way of welcoming them?

* * *

'Sera, at what time do you finish school today?' Mum asked as she made some tea for all of us.

'At 2pm…' I replied as I gulped a large glass of water. 'Why?'

'We have to be at Flynn's at 1pm till about 3pm peanut.' Dad answered back as he placed the cutlery on the table. 'Would you and Natalie be ok till we come?'

'Dad, we're not 5 anymore! Besides Gail and Taylor will be here. So don't worry at all.'

'Gail took a day off.' Mum said again as she brought everything to the table.

'Is she ok?'

'Yes, she went to visit her sister.' Dad replied again as both my parents took their seats. 'She'll be back tomorrow if not even tonight.'

'Ohh… ok…'

'Aren't you having breakfast?'

'Not hungry…' I quickly replied as mum cut me out.

'Honey, you cannot start your day on an empty stomach.'

'It's not empty…'

'Water is nothing.' Dad stated again giving me his stare. 'Now come and join us. This is good food. It won't kill you.'

'Dad…'

'Now Sera…'

* * *

I hated it when he got all controlling and dictatorship. If a girl is not hungry than she is not hungry. Why don't they understand it? What's wrong with that?

* * *

'Sweetheart it's for your own good.' Mum insisted as she took her oatmeal and I nibbled on some grapes, however it wasn't long till Taylor saved me from all their constant stares.

'Sera, it's time for school.' Taylor started as he entered the kitchen.

'Taylor, make sure she has some breakfast on the way.' Dad ordered.

'Yes Mr Grey.'

* * *

Great, now he's ordering people to monitor what I eat. What's wrong with him? Why is it important for him that I eat or what I eat or not? I'm healthy… I'm living and breathing… Nothing is wrong. And the worst part is that they don't let me do anything I want. It's like a crime if I don't have breakfast or anything…

It was Taylor that jolted me up from my thoughts, in the middle of the drive as he stopped in front of his favourite diner.

'Sera?' Taylor called me again for the second time.

'Yeah… yeah…' I said immediately. 'Sorry was lost in thought.'

'Mr Grey asked me to get you some breakfast.'

'There's no need… I'll eat something later.'

'You know he'd want to know… I'm not lying to him.' Taylor insisted as he turned facing me. 'I'm getting some pancakes for Natalie. Do you want some?'

'Um… yeah… sure… they sound good.' I said, finally resorting to what he said.

* * *

The drive to school wasn't long and in an instant we were already there. Natalie was already there waiting for her own father to give her some TLC. I enjoyed watching from the distance. They had a healthy relationship. A father that forgot work and everything when he was with his daughter, and a daughter that loved her father unconditionally… it made me think… how do I love my father? I've never thought about those things… he's always busy with things… especially after… after …

* * *

_Flashback 2011_

'Sera where the hell do you think you're going?' Dad shouted as he came in my room.

'To uncle Elloit.' I replied immediately as he tried holding me in his tight grip.

'Stop it dad… you're hurting me.'

'Christian leave her…' Mum told him. 'Sweetheart, what's wrong?'

'You don't know?' I asked in disbelief. 'Let me tell you then mum. Dad was in his office having some type of meeting and they asked him if having a daughter would interfere with work… and you know what he answered? He told them that 'my daughter doesn't mean anything.' I replied with tears in my eyes.

'Christian did you say that?'

'I didn't mean it!'

'So now you say things you don't mean? So when you say that you love me every night before I sleep you mean that you hate me dad?'

'Ana I wanted to win the contract… It meant that I have to go abroad for few weeks every now and then… which is why they asked me that…' Christian explained slowly.

'I'll call Elloit… You'll stay with them for a while…' Mum said as she brushed with dad's shoulder. 'We need to talk Grey.'

* * *

'Sera!' Natalie shouts jolting me out again from my thoughts. 'Damn you're getting more lost in that brain of yours these days…'

'Sorry…'

'Let's get to swimming class… I still have to change.' Natalie states again as she drags me with her.

Before I follow her suit, I notice that I still had the pancakes in my hand, so I quickly hid them in my bag, where no one would notice what I have.

'Will you take it easy Nat?'

'Nopes… have to show you my new bathing suit!' She insisted as she took out her new pink and black suit. 'Dad picked it out for me.'

'Wow! It's beautiful! I never knew Taylor had this in him!'

'Heh… that's my dad!' She said happily, as she went into an empty stall, where she quickly changed. As there was no one, I took out my untouched pancakes and threw them quickly in the garbage available, however it was bad timing, as Natalie got out of the bathroom. 'What are you doing?'

'Nothing… Just threw away my used tissues…' I quickly replied as I went into the available stall.

I could see in Natalie's face that she was suspecting something, and as her father, she had to investigate.

As she saw I was still in the bathroom, she went to the bin, and rummaged through it only to find pancakes instead of tissues.

When I got out in my suit, I saw her staring at me… but yet not confronting me.

'What?' I asked not knowing what Natalie wanted.

'You look… different…' She started. 'Did you lose weight?'

I felt my head spin for a moment, and didn't realise that I was getting red in the face, but I answered as quickly as I could.

'Um… not that I know off.' I said as I went forward to my bag and set my clothes neatly pleated, and took out my towel. 'Shouldn't we go to the pool?'

'Yeah…' Natalie answered.

* * *

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

'Ok girls, 2 more laps and we're ready for the day!' Coach Wilkinson shouted.

I was getting tired. I felt my vision blurry at times… It was hard concentrating, so I slowed down for a second and took back the pace. Finally both laps were over and I could get out of the freezing water, into more comfortable and warm clothes.

'Sera, you were a little slow in your last lap. You need to keep constant movement.' She suggested.

'Yes coach.' I answered back as I made my way to the changing rooms, while Natalie followed.

'Hey you ok?' She asked. 'You look a bit pale.'

'Yeah… I'm fine…' I replied smiling weakly. 'I'm just out of breath from all those laps.'

'Oh… ok…' She continued, but I could clearly see that she wasn't letting this go. I had to cover my tracks better.

* * *

'Dr Flynn, Mr. and Mrs. Grey are here.' His secretary said as she entered his office.

'Tell them to come in.' Flynn answered back, as he stood up waiting for both my parents to enter the room.

'Right away Dr.' She replied as she made her way out of the room. 'Dr Flynn is available… you can enter.'

* * *

'John… how are you?' Christian started as he shook the good doctor's hand.

'Christian… Ana…' John started. 'Please, take a seat.' He continued as they all sat down. 'So… what brings you here today?'

'Well… lately there had been a lot of changes.' Dad started.

'Ana, you haven't said anything.' John continued. 'What do you think about what Christian is saying?'

'He is right… but I don't think we should make a big deal out of this.'

'Ana, our daughter is having nightmares… she's distant and she's never happy… she's changed…'

'She's growing up Christian! We need to let her vent off!' Ana continued… 'What do you want? Having a teenage rebellion? I can assure you! My mother wasn't happy went I went in that phase.'

'As I see, you're having communication issues.' Flynn suggested.

'It's not exactly communication issues John… Christian thinks that the world has to bow down and obey to him. He doesn't seem to understand that a girl is just a girl… with her usual pressures, and problems.'

'What do you think about this Christian?'

'I don't pretend the world to bow down to me.'

'But you do agree on wanting control.'

'I just want to know what's wrong.' Dad continued.

'There's nothing wrong Christian! You're imagining things!' Mum confronted.

'… and what about your relationship… are you managing to cope together?'

'We have been getting better since…' Mum started.

'Since Elena seduced me?' Dad continued. 'Yes we have been communicating better between ourselves.'

'… but not in family matters.' John continued, while both of them stood in utter silence.

* * *

Finally Chemistry lesson was over, and we all said our good byes. Mark went to his football practice, while both Natalie and I made our way were Taylor was already waiting for us.

'Hello girls. How was school?' He greeted.

'Hey daddy! It was good… you know… usual stuff.' Natalie answered as I slid in the back seat, keeping both father and daughter in their conversation.

'What about you Sera?' Taylor asked as he entered the car along with Natalie and started the engine.

'It was good. Managed to do the whole 10 laps swimming and got perfect titrations.'

'I don't understand how you understand the end points.' Natalie commented.

'Easy! Make sure first titre value is an overshot. Then you'll know where to play with your values.'

'You have to teach me how.'

'Yeah sure.'

* * *

'My advice is that you both work on what's making you frustrated at each other. You Christian need to listen to your daughter more, and you Ana need to be more considerate that maybe what Christian is suggesting may be true.' He started. 'Regarding your relationship, I think you're in the clear to start following suit with your sex life. Christian, you need to be more open with your wife on what you need, and you Ana, if you feel the need to disagree, do so. It will make your relationship stronger.'

Both my parents nodded at the doctor's advice, while he continued. 'I'll see you in 10 days time?'

'Yes…'

'… and maybe you should bring Sera with you.' He suggested.

'We've already suggested that, and she refused.' Mum said. 'I'm not going against her wishes.'

'Just because she doesn't want to come doesn't mean that we can't invite John and his family to dinner. It will be subtle like that, and we did often invite them.' Christian suggested.

'Yes… that's a great idea.' He continued.

'Is tomorrow ok for you?' Christian asked.

'7pm?'

'Perfect.'

* * *

Both Natalie and I crashed in the living room. We started doing our assignment, while having the usual laughs every now and then. I missed Gail at home. She always managed to make me smile and make my days brighter. Especially with her amazing herbal tea.

It was almost 3pm and my parents still haven't yet arrived. I was staring at my phone hoping they'd text or anything that they'll soon be home… but it was to no success…

'Where is my father?'

'Talking to Sawyer…' I answered. 'Why?'

'Listen, Mark and I are going clubbing on Sunday. Do you want to join?'

'Clubbing?'

'Yeah…' Natalie said. 'We go every weekend.'

'… and why telling me now?'

'…because I think you have grown up enough to break some rules.'

'What if my parents discover?'

'They won't…' She replied. 'Dad has a night shift instead of Sawyer Sunday night. We'll tell your parents that you're coming to my home to watch a movie, and instead we go join.' Natalie said with her fully devised plan.

'What if someone catches us? Plus I still am not 18 like you guys.'

'We all use fake ID's … Mark had already done yours…'

'Fake ID's?'

'SHHH! Don't shout!' Natalie said as she covered my mouth. 'So are you in or out?'

'I'm in.' I replied smiling at her.

'What are you in for peanut?' Dad said as he entered the living room.

'Um… I asked Sera to come at my place on Sunday… you know catching up on girl stuff, watching movies…' Natalie answered making everything believable.

'Yes sure… go and have fun Sera.' Dad said as he sat down besides us.

'Where's mum?'

'Getting changed into more comfortable clothes.' Dad replied as he took in our cups of tea. '…and it seems that you two need a refill.'

'Thanks dad.' I replied.

'Ohh, and tomorrow, John and his family are coming for dinner.' Dad stated before he left the living room.

'John … John?... as in Flynn?'

'Yeah…'

'Oh… ok…'


	8. Chapter 8

The night passed in a jiffy, and having Natalie there, made the night interesting. We played Poker and as usual, Natalie won. It drove me nuts how she always managed to get 4 Aces. There had to be a way for sure.

* * *

The following day, mum and dad decided to rise early. Both wanted to decorate around and prepare things for the dinner they dreamt about.

Due to all the commotion downstairs, they managed to wake me up, which was in my advantage. I could take the daily run early.

I changed into my running clothes and tied my sneakers as tight as I could. Took out my iPod and earphones and prepared everything. I hurried downstairs hoping they won't notice that I'm on a hurry, but nothing passes beside them that they don't notice.

'Morning sweetheart.' Mum greeted as she heard me going downstairs.

'Morning mum…' I replied. 'What's happening?'

'John and his family are coming today.'

'I know… but why all this commotion?'

It's almost Christmas… isn't it?'

'Yeah… but…' I re thought. '… Nothing… um… I'm going for a quick run…'

'Ok Sera, don't be too long! You have to finish all your homework today.'

'Yeah.' I shouted from the door as I made my way out.

'Where is she going?' Dad asked mum as he brought the little decorations left.

'For her morning run…' She replied as she saw his face changing shades. '…it's fine Christian. She just went for a run and will soon be here.'

* * *

I placed the earphones deep in my ear and let the music blasting from my iPod to lose myself. I started running, and my mind drifted into deep thoughts. My parents were on the top list. They have been getting better, and I smiled at that thought. At least they were fixing up everything, and dad doesn't seem to be as if his head was cut off. They are doing things together, and mum doesn't have that pained look on her face whenever she looked at dad. We are becoming a family again… at least I hope so…

And what's with all dad's security? I mean all my friends don't have a security guard with them. Don't have their parent's tracking them down, and most of all don't run background checks on anyone they encounter. I guess it's his obsession in having everything and everyone in his place.

I continued running, and finally my legs took me to the park. I stopped and looked in front of me. There were kids running around, and parents following them, keeping their children from falling and hurting. There were others that were on the swings and some kid shouting '_Higher mum!'_ … That was so sweet! I wish I would still be that age… nothing to worry about… nothing to care for… only worry what I'm going to eat, when I'm going to sleep and if there would be Tom and Jerry on.

I remembered how all of us used to come here and play… have picnics… dad swinging me and giving me piggy backs… mum ready with a camera in her hand to take photos and videos of us… and then end up all laughing…

That is the time that I wanted to bring back… Were nothing mattered… except us three… now things changed… I grew up… and I guess I'm still stuck in those times. I'm afraid of growing up. I don't want to grow up!... I want to be that young girl that doesn't have to think about the future… just for once live…

I look at the watch on my wrist and realized that I had been out for almost 2 hours, and I still had to run it back… so I started my way back home.

* * *

Later, I decided to stay in my room, where I could have some quiet and time to work and concentrate. It was the most time I enjoyed, where I could think and study in quiet, with nothing distracting me or bothering me… however at about 3pm I had another duty to fulfil…

I took out my journal from underneath the drawer. During the time, I managed to know where to hide things. Having Gail fixing everything for us, I had to find a better hiding place. So what's better than having a fake base in one of the drawers… like that no one knew where to even search for it.

* * *

_Dear Bert,_

_ Wow! It's been a bit since I last wrote in here. I've only been using this as a food journal these days, and realised that I haven't even written anything… not even how I'm feeling… in all honesty, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel… I'm scared… exams are soon here… and I really do need to do well… Not only that… My parents seem to know something… dad is suspicious, and mum is getting too these days. Guess the visit to Flynn didn't help me much… and now they've invited him and his family to dinner… as if I'm stupid… yes we used to invite them before… but this was too sudden, after my mother suggested a session with him. At least he'll be with his wife and two kids… I can scarce myself from the adults and spend time with the boys. I think they grew up a bit… Derek, the oldest is 7 years old and Walter the youngest is 5 years old. Yeah… that's what I'll do… I'll say with the kids… they'll probably want to play…_

_ Damn… I feel so light headed today… It's been getting more frequent these days, and many times I feel everything spinning, but I hold my ground… it means I'm getting there… slowly but I am. I need to be perfect… for both of my parents… they need to be proud in having me…_

_ Let me write today's consumption:_

_Food _

_Calories_

_Breakfast_

_Water + Laxatives_

_Lunch_

_3 Lettuce leaves + 3 Grapes _

_4cals *3 + 2 calories *3_

_12+6=18 cals_

_Good… till now I managed to do it… I don't want to binge today… but the 'good doctor' will be here… so I do have to put up a scene… However… whatever it is I cannot exceed the 150 cals. Or else… I can resort to… purging… I know it's painful… but desperate needs count for desperate measures…_

_I hate what I'm becoming… but I can't stop… I wish to stop… but I know I can't… I just want to be happy again… young and live… but this voice inside my head tells me to go on… that it will help me out… maybe it's true… I should listen to it._

* * *

'Sera?' Mum calls before she enters my room, and I quickly hide my journal under Biological Sciences book.

'Yes mum?' I replied with a weak smile, while she came beside me holding me from my shoulders.

'Why don't you take a break sweetheart? You've been locked up in your room for hours now… '

'I have to study mum…'

'But you can spare few minutes honey…' She replies '…besides, you should rest a bit before tonight. It's going to be a bit of a late night. You know how talkative your father can be with Flynn, and once they start talking you won't stop them.'

'… and then they say that woman are too talkative…' I joke.

'Yeah…' Mum laughed. '… don't tell dad I agreed on this.'

'No worries mum…' I replied, while she made her way to the door.

'Don't take long… it's already 4pm and you have 2 hours to get rest and get ready.' Mum told me.

'What should I wear?'

'A dress would be ok.' Mum replied back as she entered again dropping a kiss on my forehead and leaving the room again.

I took my journal back out, after I heard mum's footsteps down the stairs.

* * *

_ Phewwww! That was close… Mum almost caught me writing in my journal. I better go get ready before someone else comes in here. _

_ I'll try writing later tonight Bert… Wish me luck…_

_ Love,_

_ Sera…_


	9. Chapter 9

After getting all dressed and ready, I decided to join my parents in the living room. Both were on the couch with my mother resting on dad's chest. I smiled at that scene… There were getting emotional and better together… yes they finally were close to 'all fine'.

'May I join?' I asked slowly as I approached them.

'You look amazing peanut!' Dad replied as he looked at me. 'You're growing up so fast!'

'Dad! I'm still your baby girl… I'll always remain yours.'

'Come here sweetheart!' Mum said as I sat beside my father and took off my shoes.

'What are you watching?'

'If Only.' Dad replied.

'I never took you for the chick flick movies.'

'I'm not… but your mother got me used to them.' Dad replied jokingly while mum hit him playfully in his arms, while dad laughed it out.

It was one of my favourite movies. First Ian doesn't appreciate what he has… and then… he realises after Sam is taken away from him, however faith gives him another chance to fix things… and he does… only for the movie to end with Ian dying after confessing his love to her. I wish to find someone like that in the future… My parents have and I'd love to be like them. I adore them… I love them…

It made me tear up when the guy died… I became a mess… it made me cry my eyes out… Mum wasn't any less better… we both cry whenever we watch that movie… dad held us tighter to him and stopped the movie…

'I think both of you should re-arrange your eye liner.' Dad said after he dropped a kiss on both of us.

'I love you Christian!' Mum replied as she looked deeply into his eyes.

'I haven't heard you say that in ages.' I stated in a low voice as I dried my tears. '… I thought you didn't love each other anymore… I was afraid of… you divorcing.'

'Hey! We were never going to divorce peanut.' Dad stated as he held me from my chin.

'…but you were constantly fighting…'

'Every married couple has that sweetheart… but it's what makes our relationship stronger because we talk, forgive and forget.' Mum replied as she held dad's hand. 'You'll understand that in the future.'

'Don't give her ideas! I don't want her to date for now!' Dad said seriously… 'No douchebag will hurt my daughter!'

I laughed at his reaction… Wow, he truly did care. Never thought we'll ever be like this again… Not in a million years! However, Taylor soon came in telling us that the guests arrived.

'Mr. Grey, sorry to interrupt, but Dr Flynn and his family arrived.'

'Thanks Taylor.' Dad told him as mum stood up holding her hand out for dad to take it. 'Tell them to come in here.' He ordered, as he turned his attention to me and saw me struggling with my shoes. 'Peanut, were something comfortable… Those heels will break your ankles.'

'Yes daddy…' I replied as I took them in my hands. 'I'll be right back.'

* * *

'John, Rhian…' Dad greeted along with my mother. 'Thanks for coming.'

'Our pleasure.' Rhian said with a huge smile on her face. 'I brought you something small for the invite.' She replied as she handed mum a bottle of white wine.

Rhian was a sweet woman. She was tall with a perfect body. She's a brunette with amazing clear blue eyes. She's the perfect role model for every woman to be. Especially after having two kids and still remaining in that beautiful form. If someday I have kids, I'd love to gain my body back like her.

'Mr. Gwey… Is Sewa hewe pwease?' Walter asked while he hid behind his father.

'Yes Walter… she's coming down soon… and please, call me Christian.' Dad replied as he slid down to eye level with the young boy. 'My my, you're growing up so fast! And what's that behind your ear?' Dad joked '… you have a … coin there!'

The boy looked at the coin and held it in his hands. 'Wow! Daddyyyyy! I have a coin twee in my eaw!.'

They all laughed at the little boy's reaction.

'Please, sit down.' Mum started as she brought glasses in with Gail, while I made my way downstairs quietly as I could. '…and there's my sweetheart.' Mum smiled. '… come join us dear.'

'SEWWWAAAA!' Walter screamed as he came running to me. I smiled at the little one. He was so energetic. He jumped on me, and I lifted him up. He almost took my breath out. He was getting heavier… Or maybe I was finding it hard to lift him up… either way… I tried covering it up.

'Walter! I have you nose!' I joked as I held my hand out.

'NOOOO! Daddy! Sewa took my nose!'

'Ask her to give it to you politely.' John replied to his son, while he stared at me.

'Sewa, please, can you give me my nowse back? Pweaseeeee!'

'Only if you give me a kiss.' I replied as I held my cheek out, and the little kid complied immediately. 'There you go… you have a beautiful perfect nose. Where is Derek?' I asked him, realising that his brother still hadn't said anything.

'He had a sleep over at his friend's house.' Rhian explained. 'He'd been excited for so long… We didn't want him to miss his first sleepover.'

'But I came Sewa!' Walter said again as he hugged me tighter. 'Can we pway?'

'Yes of course.' I replied almost too quickly.

'Sera, come join us before you go playing.' Dad stated as he motioned me with his hand to sit beside him.

'We'll play later kiddo.'

'Nowww! Me nowwww kid… Me gwown up…' He replied in his cute voice, as I sat him down on the floor and went beside my parents. 'Can I siwt on you?'

'Walter?' I heard John scolding his son. 'Don't bother Sera.'

'Don't worry … He's not bothering me.' I replied back as I lifted him, and sat him beside me, while dad held out a glass of soft drink for me. 'No thanks. I'll have some water please.'

I felt both adults give a look towards each other. Guess the assessment started. Gail entered with some finger food while the adults were deep into conversation. I was getting bored already. However Walter kept me amused with all his childish ways. Was I like him when I was younger? It wasn't long till Rhian brought me out of deep trance.

'Sera, how's school?'

'It's good, am soon sitting for my MCAT's.'

'What are you aiming for?' John asked.

'Med School… I hope… but I have to get a high GPA score along with MCAT's scoring.' I replied back as I took the toothpick Walter was playing with.

'Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get in there. Besides it's in your family's blood.' Rhian continued. 'Carrick and Grace are both doctors… I'm sure they can help you out.'

'Yes… they can… but I'd rather do everything on my own… Like that I know that I did it on my own account.'

'That's a good way to put it.' John continued as he stared at me. '… but there is no problem is asking for some help at times.'

* * *

I knew he passed that comment not only for academic ways. Could he know something? I felt panic starting to rise in me. I needed to get out of there immediately… At least to calm down.

* * *

'May I be excused please?' I asked my parents.

'Yes sweetheart.' Mum answered back, while dad continued. '…but don't take long… dinner's almost ready.'

* * *

I went straight to the bathroom, and washed my face with cold water. I stared in the mirror in front of me, and all I saw was fat… How could I be this fat? I hated myself… I hated how I looked. Sometimes I wished to take the razor blade and slide it across my wrist… but I couldn't do it. It was way too dangerous… plus… I didn't know if I had the guts… till then I only managed small cuts on my arm, where they were easy to hide with concealer. At least that night I was wearing a long sleeved fit and flare skater dress.

* * *

'Mommy, I'm thiwsty.' Walter said as he moved to his mother.

'You can use the guest room Rhian.' My mother told her. 'It's a good thing you still breast-feed the kid.'

'Thanks Ana.' Rhian replied as she lifted her son.

'I'll show you the guest room Rhian.' Mum replied as she took her upstairs, leaving the two gentlemen alone.

'You weren't kidding when you said that there is something wrong.' John started.

'Yeah… and she's scaring me to death… I don't know what to do… We don't know what to do.' Dad replied as he ran his hands through his hair.

'She lost a lot of weight.'

'It's that obvious?'

'Last time I've seen her, she looked healthier…' John continued.

'…and you haven't seen meal times.' Dad answered back, as he leaned back to the couch, while both my mother and Rhian came back in.

'… We don't know as yet.' My mother replied.

'What don't we know Ana?' Christian asked in curiosity, while he turned his gaze to Rhian.

'I asked her about Sera. She looks too different since last I've seen her… she's distant…' Rhian stated as if in pain, while both my parents looked at each other.

Gail entered the room, breaking the cold ice that was submerging into the living room. 'Mr Grey, dinner is ready.'

'Thanks Gail.' He stated. 'She's taking too long… I'll go check on her.' Dad replied, as he stood up, but it was good timing, as I went was coming downstairs. 'You ok peanut?'

'Yeah dad…' I smiled weakly.

'Sewa let's go eat! I'm hungwy!' Walter shouted as he came to take my hand.

'You know Walter, I wish you were my brother.'

'And I wish you awe my sistew…' He smiled as he let his head fall on my shoulders.


	10. Chapter 10

There's no doubt about it. You must love Walter. He is so innocent. Not knowing how bitchy life can be. He doesn't know how to hold grudges… he doesn't know how to hate… how to hurt… how to lie… he's a simple loving amazing kid… He deserves to be loved.

We all moved to the dining room, where everybody took his seat. Rhian and John sat in front of my parents, while dad and mum took their usual seating. Dad always made it a must for me to sit beside him. Like that he could control what I eat and what I don't… it was harder for me to ditch him off… but by time, I found ways…

'Daddy, can I siwt with Sewa?' Walter asked his father before he lifted him to reach the chair.

'If Sera doesn't mind, yes…' John asked as he looked at me.

I was too lost in thought… I was making all kinds of math in my head… how much to burn… how much to consume… how to hide… especially with the 'good doctor' in front of me… how to … purge later on… will laxatives help? Exercising? Diet remedies? I was playing with the cutlery making them in perfect line. I felt the need to have control and organisation in everything I did.

From the corner of his eyes, dad noticed that I wasn't paying attention. It was his line to get me back down to earth.

'Sera?' Dad asked.

'Yeah… sorry… was thinking…' I replied too quickly, while Walter came running beside me.

'Can I siwt beside you Sewa? Pwease?' Walter asked.

'Yes sweety… Here, let me help you up.' I replied as I lifted him off to his chair.

The table was set full of food. There was roasted chicken, potatoes, boiled veggies, eggs… anything you could think of. They started passing around the food from mum, to John to Rhian, to Walter, me and dad… till the cycle starts again. I helped Walter in choosing what foods he wants, and it amazed me that a 5 year old wanted meat… I was always a picky eater, and still remember that I never wanted meat.

I took few spoons of boiled veggies, and some couscous. Everybody was busy digging in his dinner, however talking wasn't scarce. However at one moment all the attention was brought to me.

'Sewa, can I have youw potatoews pwease?'

'Yes Walter.' I replied smiling as I gave him my food, while Rhian noticed that I didn't have any meat on my plate.

'You haven't had any chicken Sera. It's very good.'

'Um… I don't eat meat anymore… I'm a vegetarian.' I replied back as I looked down at my plate.

'Mommy…' Walter started. 'I don't want to eat the vegetables.' He stated.

'Why not Walter?' His father asked.

'Becausew, I'm a chicken alien.' He answered back with his sparkling eyes, while we laughed it off. His innocence was so pure!.

'If you eat your veggies, I'll give you a piece of chocolate.' I replied showing him the bar that I had kept for him.

'Owkey … I'm not a chicken alien anymowe daddy…' He replied again as he dug in his veggies and I handed him his chocolate.

'Is there something wrong with your food?' Dad asked.

'No…' I replied hastily.

'Then why are you playing with your food?' He insisted getting on his nerves.

'I'm not playing…'

'Then eat it Sera…' Dad ordered.

* * *

I could feel dad still staring at me… and my mother's face turned into a sad expression. I hated that my mother is affected like this. On the other side, I could see John crossing his arms and making mental notes. I grabbed my fork and started cutting my food into smaller pieces. I made sure on not touching the fork to my lips. I needed to do some things in a ritual… they were consuming and tiring… but I couldn't stop… I didn't want to stop… I felt better…

* * *

The night was followed with more talking, and discussions with the adults during dinner. After almost an hour, I decided to call it a day, and left my half untouched food there.

'Can I be excused?' I asked softly.

'Leave an hour or so…' Mum suggested.

'What? You think I'm going to …' I started as I covered Walter's ears. '… throw up?' I continued and uncovered Walter's ears. 'I need to pee mum, to be exact.'

'Ok… then… just don't take long…' Dad stated, as I got up and made my way upstairs to the bathroom.

* * *

'She didn't even touch anything.' Mum stated.

'Bring her in for the next session…' John told dad. '…I'd like to have a private session with her.'

'She doesn't want to…'

'Ana, unfortunately it's out of her control… you are her legal guardians… you need to treat this at the core.'

* * *

I closed and locked the bathroom door, removing the key and placed it on the cabinet. I started the water bath, just in case anyone was passing by. I lifted the toilet seat, and trusted my fingers deep in my throat.

I felt my stomach being tore into 1000's piece. I squeezed my eyes shut, and let the food come up. I did it again and again, feeling my throat sore each and every time. Tears where coming out of my eyes, but I still did it and continued with it. I felt my nose becoming congested, and I felt my head throbbing, but still didn't stop, until I felt that I couldn't bring anything up any more.

I flushed down the toilet and slid down to the cabinet. I cried on what I did… it is physically and mentally exhausting. My stomach was aching… my throat was burning and my head was throbbing. I cried a bit on all the pain I was having… however, I quickly decided to brush it off. I washed my face with cold chilling water. I rinsed my mouth and brushed them quickly with a toothbrush I found available… before I went out, I made sure that I left everything clean… no traces of what I did… no traces of anything…

I felt light headed, but pulled my crap together and made my way back downstairs. My parents stood dumbstruck in the dining hall, looking at me… I made my way back to my seat, although I was quite shaky.

'You ok?' Dad asked suspicious.

'Yeah…' I smiled … 'Why?'

'Nothing…' He replied as he held both my hands. 'You're cold…'

'Yeah… It's December dad…' I replied jokingly.

'I'll bring you a cardigan.' My mother replied as she left the room, getting me one of her comfortable cotton cardigans.

* * *

All 4 adults decided to take in their evening into the living room. They continued talking about many things. My mother and Rhian discussed interior decorations and work…kids and how times are changing… clothing and everything… while on the other hand, my father and John discussed work, and sometimes they were talking in a subtle manner that I couldn't comprehend what they were saying.

I spent my evening with Walter… playing… lifting him up… tickling him… taking his nose… doing anything that he enjoyed…

'Sewa catch me!' Walter said again as he ran around the room.

'Walter, slow down! You're going to break something!' Rhian scolded.

'He's a kid… let him have some fun.' Mum smiled at him.

All that running was getting me tired and dizzy… At one moment I felt black dots messing up with my vision. I stopped for a second holding on to the table. Walter wasn't that young to notice that something was wrong, and as he saw me leaning to the table, he came back.

'Sewa, awe you alwight?' He asked looking scared.

'Yeah… I'm fine sweety…' I said again as I held stronger to the table.

Walter went straight running to his father and pointed to me. Both couples looked to where I stood. Dad noticed that I was about to faint. He came running to me immediately for support. Of all days to get this dizzy, it had to be today?

'Peanut, are you ok?' Dad asked as he held me from my shoulders.

'Yeah… just got tired from all the running… my feet are killing me…' I said coming with what seemed a suitable lie.

I let go of the table, but I felt my body was about to crumble to the floor. Dad held me immediately and took me out of the living room back to the kitchen. He sat me down slowly, and dismissed Gail to let us have a moment. He put the kettle on and came back to where I was.

'How are you feeling?'

'Ok… I guess.'

'Stop trying to put up a face… You were about to faint.' Dad continued as he took out a mug as some jar from which he took two teaspoons off.

'What is that?'

'Some sugar…' Dad replied. '…I think your blood glucose level has just dropped.'

'Dad….'

'Don't tell me you don't need this.' Dad cut me off while he poured the water. 'I'm not moving from here until you drink this.'

I didn't feel like arguing and finally gave in. I took the mug from his hand, and brought it to my lips. It was warm, and the first sip I took, had already made me feel better, and all warm inside.

'It's good…' I replied smiling.

'I told you…' Dad replied as he turned facing me while resting his back to the cupboard. 'Finish it peanut.'

After few minutes time, I drank the whole warm liquid. It was sweet, but very good… I felt warm inside, and the empty pit in my stomach was kind off filled. Dad was still staring at me… his face was filled with worry… and something I rarely saw… fear… I decided to break the ice.

'Finished.' I replied.

'How are you feeling?'

'Better…' I smiled.

'Peanut, what's eating you?'

'Nothing daddy…' I replied while playing with my hands. 'I'm fine…'

'At least, if you don't want to talk to me, talk to your mother!'

'Daddy… I'm fine… Really.'

'Ok…' He said deciding to leave everything as it is for now. 'Do you feel up to go back and join the others?'

'Do I have too?' I asked weakly while leaning on the chair.

'Walter was scared… at least for him, to show him you're better.'

'Ok… for Walter…' I replied.

'Can you walk?' He asked helping me up.

'Dad I'm fine… really… stop fussing! I smiled, as I let him hug me. 'I love you daddy… you know that… right?'

'Yes sweetheart… I know it.' He replied again kissing my forehead. 'Now let's go back… before your mother gets worried.'

As we went back to the living room, dad was still holding me from my shoulders. Walter was sitting down on the floor playing alone and staring everywhere. Flynn and his wife were discussing something with my mother in an undertone, but as Walter noticed I was there, he came running towards me.

'Sewwwaa!' He said as he jumped on me. 'Awe you bettew?'

'I'm fine sweety!' I answered back, until John came towards his son.

'Walter… take it easy!' He said as he took his son in his arms. '… how are you feeling Sera?'

'Good, thank you.' I replied quickly as I made my way to the couch and took a seat there, while Walter followed. Both men gave a warning look towards each other… I couldn't understand what was happening, but in any ways… I decided to let it go for the night… was already too tired…

After few minutes of playing with Walter, I was exhausted… and he was too. He lied down on my lap and slept, and it wasn't long till I joined him. I was in dream world in no time.

'John…' Rhian started as she smiled. 'They're so sweet…'

'We should leave.' John continued… 'Both slept…'

'You can stay if you want.' Dad answered back… 'It's not like we have a curfew…'

'True… but we'd rather get Walter into his bed, or else he won't sleep at night.' John continued. '…and from what it seems, Sera also needs her sleep.'

'Thanks for coming.' Ana said while John lifted off his son from my lap, jolting me up.

'Sorry for waking you up.'

'No worries.' I quickly answered, as I stood up. 'You going?'

'Yes… it's getting late honey.' Rhian continued. 'We should invite you next time… What do you say about next Saturday?'

'Sound great.' Dad replied, as he shook hands with John and my mother exchanged hugs and kisses with Rhian. 'Next Saturday then.'

Rhian came forward and hugged me and kissed me. 'Take care of yourself dear.'

'Will do.' I smiled, while John came forward and hugged me as well.

* * *

As they left, I helped mum, clearing last few glasses, till dad came back, and it wasn't long till he joined us.

'Mum, I'm going to my room.'

'Ok sweetheart.' She replied, until dad stopped me.

'How are you feeling?'

'Sleepy dad.'

'Ok, peanut… good night then.' He replied as they both hugged me and kissed me good night.


	11. Chapter 11

The following morning, was filled with a lot of talking. Unexpectedly Grandma Grace and Grandpa Carrick decided to drop a visit. Whenever they came, it was like everybody had an ear problem… or everyone was deaf… It was the most one who shouted… because they find it hard to have a quiet conversation. Don't get me wrong… I love my grandparents to death… but all this commotion at 7.30am doesn't help at all.

I got up from bed, and still in my pj's I went downstairs. My parents were already having breakfast with my grandparents, and from their conversation, I could see that all they were discussing was about the New Year's Eve get-together of our family. I always loved those get-togethers. Like that, I could see my cousins, uncle and aunt, and everybody… but this year… I didn't even have the will to attend to it… I felt lifeless… living a monotony… getting up… going for a run and straight to school back home, and ballet on Thursday's and back home to do homework and study… the following day would be the same… and the one after that as well… yet nothing changes… nobody notices anything… my parents seem too caught up in what they have, and little do they know about certain things… they don't remember my swimming competition… they didn't remember that last month I received a first prize in chemistry… Taylor was there… and yet they weren't… I guess it's understandable… it is my fault… in some way… it is… it had to be… mum became infertile because of me… they almost got divorced because I called mum to come home, and she found Elena there… and now they're all sad because of me… I don't know what to do to make them feel better… to take the weight off them… I wish I can take their troubles and carry them myself… I'd do anything and give anything to see them happy… even give my happiness to them… I love them… but do they?

_Yes Sera! They do! How selfish can you be in thinking that they don't love you?_

Yes… they love me… they love me…

* * *

'Good morning peanut.' Dad greeted as he stood up and hugged me.

'Why all this shouting? Do you need a hearing aid as a Christmas Present?' I smirked.

'Sorry dear.' Grandma started. '…but my son makes a huge fuss on everything.'

'Yeah… tell me about that.' I answered back, as I moved to the kitchen water filter and filled a cool glass of water and squeezed a piece of lemon in it. 'Shit…' I cursed, while both 4 adults looked at me.

'Are you ok Sera?' Mum asked concerned as she came forward.

'My eye is burning.' I replied as I rubbed it. 'Liquid lemon drop was shot in my eye.'

'Don't rub it… it will burn more…' Mum advised as she looked into my eye. 'How the hell did you manage to get it underneath your glasses? Never mind… I don't even want to know… Come with me… I have some drops that won't let your cornea get scratched.' She replied as she pulled me from my hand.

'Son, I don't want to get into what goes in your family… but Sera looks horrible!' Carrick started.

'I know dad…'

'What happened?' Grace continued.

'Honestly? I don't know… I'm still trying to figure it out myself.' Dad replied as both mum and I entered back the kitchen, and took my seat beside dad as usual.

'How's school honey?' Grandma asked.

'It's ok. Tiring these days Grandma…'

'It is expected Sera.' Carrick continued. 'I remember when I was in College.'

'Yeah, I remember too.' Grace added. 'You followed me wherever I went.'

'Men…' Both mum and I commented.

'Sweetheart, tonight your father and I have to go to Uncle Elliot's… we may be late tonight.' Mum told me.

'No worries… I'm going to Natalie's today.'

'Taylor has his night shift today.' Dad complained.

'Natalie's mother is staying with us daddy.' I replied back, trying to fix it up immediately, however, I was saved by the bell… my phone rang, it was Natalie. 'Excuse me.' I told the 4 adults before leaving the room.

* * *

'Hey Nat…'

'_What damn took you so long to pick up?'_

'Sorry… my parents and grandparents are here.'

'_Anyhow… are you still up for tonight?'_

'Most definitely.' I smiled. 'One problem though…'

'_What is it Grey?'_

'I don't own any clubbing clothing.'

'_That's easily re-arranged… you can wear something of mine.'_

'Ok.' I smiled. 'Then it's settled. At what time should be at your place?'

'_5.30pm/sixish Grey… don't be late… we have to fix your look as yet.'_

'Ohh, you should know that I told my parents that your mother will be at 'home'.'

'_Ok, thanks for the heads up Grey.'_

'I'll see you later.'

'_Yes… bring some heel shoes with you, mine don't fit you.' Natalie added… 'Have to go… my mother just came in. See you later Sera…'_

* * *

I kept looking at the watch, and it was finally time. It was my first time ever going clubbing. Many said you'll meet new people there, and it's where you can let go in anything. I was looking forward to it. I prepared my make-up bag, my shoes, and some sassy underwear. I wanted to feel good from underneath and outside.

Mum and dad dropped me off before them heading to uncle Elliot… They didn't let me go before their constant reminders.

'Keep your phone on you at all times Sera.' Dad ordered. It was his way of keeping track where I was and of knowing where I am. Damn his controlling issues.

'Yes dad…' I told him before I went out of the car. '… give my love to Uncle Elliot, Aunt Kate and Ava.'

'Take care sweet heart.' Mum replied.

* * *

I walked up to Natalie's house, and rang her house. Both my parents waited for me to enter the house before them leaving. After few seconds, she opened. I waved to my parents and entered with Natalie.

'You did it girl!' Natalie started. 'I thought you were going to chicken out!'

'Hey! Why would I?'

'Because you're a goody two shoes.' She continued as we went to the living room, where Mark was there.

'Hey Sera.' He greeted.

'Hey Mark!' I replied while Natalie went and dropped a kiss on Mark. 'Wow… what dimension am I in?'

'We wanted to give you a surprise. We're… officially a thing!' Natalie smiled.

'Since when?'

'Last week!'

'… and you don't tell me? I thought we were best friends…. Sisters…'

'Don't take it personal Sera… It's just… we were on a trial, and didn't want to tell anyone… now we're sure.' She told me… 'Do you forgive me?'

'Ok… fine… How can I stay mad at my sister?' I told her as I hugged her.

'It's almost 6.30 people… why don't you two beautiful ladies go get ready huh?' Mark said.

'He's right…' Natalie added. '…and we need to find you something sexy.'

We went to her room, and while she changed into something clubbing material, we started the hunt for me. She had all kinds of miniskirts… all kinds of too revealing tank tops and all kinds of tight ass clothes… it made me a bit uncomfortable trying them… letting alone being in them. Did Taylor know about these clothes? I'm sure he wouldn't approve of them… but I let it pass… it would be no use in asking… Natalie can be quite rebellious…

'Ok… these aren't working Natalie… I look like a whore.' I stated as I took off what seemed like the 5th mini skirt I had tried on.

'Ok… I have one last option.' Natalie said as she went to get a box. She opened it and pulled out a black sweet pencil strapless dress. 'I bought it for me… you can use it if you like it?'

'I love this Natalie… but are you sure?'

'As sure as I'm here…' She smiled. '…besides… I owe you one for letting you in the dark about Mark. Now go try it on girl.'

I went into her walking closet and put it on. I was taking my time in zipping it, but I needed help… I couldn't reach the top.

'Nat, can you close it off please?' I asked while she complied.

'Wow girl! That is amazing on you!'

'Is it too much or?'

'It's perfect girl!.

'We have one other problem Nat…'

'What is it?'

'Your father is a security guard working for my dad… They may track us!'

'And that is why we're leaving any electronic thing here Grey…' Natalie stated as she took my phone from the table and put them in her closet. '… and this is your fake ID. Keep it close… your name is Melissa Greene.'

'You thought of everything… haven't you?'

'Yepps…' Natalie said, as she took some cash out and placed them in her purse. '… and now you're learning the ropes Grey.'


	12. Chapter 12

Natalie literally thought of everything… she even brought a taxi cab. She knows how to set things off. Guess Taylor isn't quite sharp as I thought he is. It wasn't long till the three of us arrived at the L'Estillo Club. My first impression of the place left me speechless. I never knew what a club looked like let alone entering in one. It was simply amazing… Cute guys were everywhere. Two bodyguards were safeguarding the entrance of the club. Girls were entering and exiting as if they were pizzas for delivery. This is amazing.

'Rule number 1! Always pay in cash.' Natalie stated, as we managed to trespass the guards and went to the bar. 'What do you want Sera?'

'Um…' I was in a difficulty… I didn't know what to take… I never had drunk any alcohol till that day, except for the occasional wine when my father allowed me. Natalie saw the hesitation, so she ordered me a vodka coke with her, while Mark had a Sex on the Beach.

We started dancing and enjoying ourselves. We let go completely and Mark in the middle, both Natalie and I danced our curves off. It was amazing how some alcohol and dancing made everything seem better.

After about 2 hours of dancing and having had my second vodka coke, I was feeling tired, so the three of us took a seat.

'Wow! That was amazing!' I smiled. 'We should do this often.'

'You see! I told you she would love it!' Mark said as he held Natalie from his shoulders and smooched all over.

A waiter came over and placed a drink in front of me. I was confused… I didn't order it… for sure… I wasn't that drunk that I didn't know what I was doing.

'Um… sorry… I didn't order this sir.' I told the waiter.

'That guy over there ordered it for you Ms.' He replied and left. Natalie looked at me and smiled.

'Somebody's hitting on you… and he seems to be coming over here girl.'

'What do I do?'

'Nothing… accept the drink, and go with the flow Grey.' She said, as he arrived.

'Hi, I'm Josh…'

'Hi, I'm Melissa.' I said as I held my hand out to shake it. 'Thanks for the drink.'

'A pleasure, for a beautiful girl like you.' He continued. 'Is this seat taken?'

'No…' Natalie answered immediately while I took a sip of the cool drink. '…you can join us.'

'I've never seen you here.' He started.

'This is my first time in fact.'

'Glad I was here when I saw you…' He continued as he took another sip from his drink while I joined from mine. 'You owned the dance floor with your friend.'

I blushed and that, and took another sip of it. It was sooo good. I drowned it in few minutes while both of us continued to converse.

'You've an empty glass… I'll go get you another one.' He smiled before leaving the table.

'Damn he's hot!' Natalie started.

'Hey!' Mark said offended.

'It's true! But you know you're hotter for me.' She continued. 'Seriously girl… Get his number.'

'Yeah.' I replied… I felt my eyes dilated, sleepy and a tad dizzy. Could it have been from all the alcohol I had taken?

'Here you go… It's the same as before.' He replied as he handed me the drink.

'Thanks Josh…' I replied as I took another large sip of the cool drink. 'So, what do you do for a living?'

'Well, I'm still a student. I'm studying to become a pharmacist.'

'That's a great specialty.' I replied again as I took another sip, and held my hand to my forehead.

'Are you ok Melissa?' He asked, while Natalie looked at me.

'Girl, you had too much to drink…' She joked as she took her what seemed the fifth vodka coke that Mark had brought her.

'I'll take her for some air outside.' Josh offered as he held his hand out to me, while I took it and let him make our way outside. I was feeling agitated with every second that passed. My muscles were spamming, and I felt sick to the stomach. Josh held me from my waist and as we made our way out, he took me to a dark road, where all there was, were boxes.

'Where are we?' I asked, having that place creeping me out.

'In your worst nightmare.' He smiled.

* * *

'Dammit! Pick up the damn phone Natalie.' Lisa irritated talked to the phone. 'Why did I buy you a phone if you never pick it up?' She continued as she hung up and dialled again.

'_Taylor' Taylor said as he answered the phone._

'Hey, it's me… Lisa… Listen, is Natalie with you?'

'_No, why?' He said almost in suspicion._

'I've been calling her for over 6 times now.'

'_Aren't you home with them?'_

'With Sera and Mark?' She asked. 'No, I had a date… but that doesn't matter… he turned out to be a jerk anyways…'

'_Have you tried calling home?'_

'Yes, and nobody's picking up.'

'_Lisa, she told me you were staying with them.'_

'Dammit Taylor, I told you I've had a date!'

'_I'll be right there.'_


	13. Chapter 13

What was happening? Am I dreaming? IS this a dream? Please God make it be a dream. He pushed me against a wall and started kissing me fiercely. I tried freeing myself from his grip. I cried, and begged him to stop, but he was way bigger and stronger than I was. He held my arms upwards with one hand and slapped me hard.

'IT's no use fighting me Melissa. I have you now, and nobody will hear you if you scream. There's too much noise for someone to care.'

'Please Josh… please… stop it…'

'No…' He said again as he started kissing me again and pushed his tongue in my mouth.

I tried squirming underneath him, but it was to no avail. He pinned me harder and threw me hard on the floor as if I was a piece of rug. I tried escaping from there, but I felt too tired. He came on top of me and started squeezing my breasts with one hand while pinning me down.

He quickly slid down between my legs and parted them away. He found my panty, and slid his finger harshly inside me. It hurt… I cried… I begged him to stop… I tried fighting him, but it was to no success. He simply increased his strength and slapped me again and went back to his doing.

'Damn… you're so tight… you're a virgin… all the better…' He smiled wickedly.

* * *

Taylor arrived to his wife's home in an instant. He was worried as much as her, if not more. He thought the worst. What if we were robbed? Or kidnapped?

'Lisa, having you tried calling them again?' He asked as he ran up to the front door.

'More than once.' Lisa answered as she opened the door, and both divided their search.

'I tracked both girls down. They're here.' He said as he looked as his tablet, and entered Natalie's room.

His tracker told him that he was near. He opened the closet and found both our phones there.

'Lisa… they ditched us!' He shouted angrily. 'If I get my hands on Natalie… I'll spank the hell out of her!'

'Calm down Jason.' Lisa tried communicating. 'We need to find them.'

'I have to call Grey first.'

* * *

He continued pushing in his finger, not caring that I was hurting. I tried resisting him, but the more I did, the harder he fingered. It wasn't long till I heard his zipper being undone, and his boxers to his foot.

I felt his erection to my thigh.

'Please… don't… I have money… I'll give you money…' I begged… 'PLEAASSSEEEEE' I SCREAMED AS HE PUSHED HIS THROBBING ERECTION INSIDE OF ME.

I felt a sharp pain hitting me down there, and although I resisted, he still pushed past it, and kept moving. I closed my eyes, hoping that it will all end all fast… but that wasn't the plan… he stopped… feeling my breasts. He squeezed my nipples hard, and bit me in every place he could find available. Until he entered me again.

'Damn… you're so tight! So good!' He said while moaning.

'please… stoppp.'

* * *

'Grey!' Dad snapped on the phone.

'It's Taylor… We have a problem Sir.' He started. 'The girls are missing.'

'What?' Dad panicked. 'Kidnapped?'

'No… Ditched us.' He continued.

'I'll call Sawyer… you start searching.' Dad ordered as he snapped his phone shut.

'Kidnapped?' Mum panicked while Elliot and Kate looked up.

'No… the girls ditched us… they escaped Ana… We have to go.' Christian ordered as he made his way out, and called Sawyer.

'_Sawyer, we need your expertise.'_

* * *

'You said there was someone else with them… who was he?' Taylor asked his wife.

'Mark.' She answered.

'What's his number?'

'555-063-4569' She answered. 'Why?'

'Men are never thoughtful and prepared as women are… I bet he took his phone with him.' Taylor answered as he called dad again.

'Mr Grey, I have Mark's phone… yes… 555-063-4569… Thanks Sir.' Taylor hung up. 'Waiting for Sawyer's call.'

It wasn't long till Sawyer had some information. He called Taylor immediately and he was right… men are never that prepared and thoughtful. He had his phone on him. Sawyer immediately called Taylor with his discovery.

'Taylor…'

'They're at L'Estillo club. I'm bringing back-up.' Sawyer replied as he motioned to Ryan, Philip and Gaston.

'They're clubbing.' Taylor told his wife before heading out to the club.

* * *

'Please Josh…'

'Yes… Yes… say my name while I cum…'

I felt myself losing consciousness… I was tired of fighting… tired of holding on. Tired of everything.

* * *

'You cannot enter sir.' The guards said blocking Taylor.

He simply took out his badge, and they let him enter. He followed his signal and finally found his daughter and Mark. Both were smooching and making out… he couldn't believe that it was his daughter.

'NATALIE!' Taylor scolded.

'Not now…' She replied not knowing where the voice was coming from.

That made him lose control… he grabbed his daughter from her shoulders and turned her to face him. Her face immediately dropped.

'What… what are you doing here dad?'

'I could ask you that question young lady.' He said as he dragged her and Mark out of the club. 'Where is Sera?' He asked.

'She met a guy and he took her out at the back.'

'Dammit.' He said. 'Philip, Gaston stay with these two. Sawyer, you're with me.' He ordered.

* * *

'Yes…. Yess… that's it…' He said as he pushed harder. I felt something warm coming inside me. Was that a man coming? Please…I hope not.

All of a sudden I felt Josh being torn away from me. I thought I was dying. I hoped I was dying.

'_Taylor leave him. Killing won't get you anywhere… I'll take care of him…you take care of the girl.'_

Was that Taylor? Did he find us? What will dad do when he knows what I did?

'_Sera, Sera? Can you hear me?' Taylor shouted as I felt his hand coming to my neck… I guess he was checking my pulse._

I couldn't move, I didn't have the strength to do anything… not even talk… I let darkness take over me.

'_Sera wake up… SERA!' _

He grabbed his phone immediately and called 911.

'911, what's your emergency?'

'A 17 year old raped, low heart-beat, and unconscious.'

'Is she breathing sir?'

'Shallow.'

'Make sure to clear her airway sir, and stay with her.' The attendant replied. 'Address please?'

'L'Estillo Club. In the Alley on the back.' He said quickly.

'The ambulance will be there in 3 minutes.' She answered.

'Thanks.' Taylor replied as he hung up.

He felt my hands and saw that I was freezing. He quickly took off his jacket and covered me with it, while dialling Christian.

'Grey..'

'We found them… Get to Princeton Hospital fast.' Taylor ordered.

'What?' Dad asked confused.

'Sera's been raped.'


	14. Chapter 14

Both my parents rushed to the hospital. They waited in the emergency room for my arrival. Taylor remained with me the whole drive. The EMT's had already hooked me to a lot of machinery. I felt myself coming and going out of consciousness. I felt a needle getting into me and another in the other hand. They hurt…

* * *

Back at the hospital, both my parents were worried sick. Dad kept pacing to and fro thinking and talking to himself…

'If I get hand on the bastard, I swear to God I'll kill him!'

'Dammit Christian! With all your fucking controlling… with all your fucking orders… if it weren't for the stupid rules she wouldn't have ditched us.'

'What are you saying Ana?' Christian replied angrily. 'That this is my fault? I raped our daughter?'

'I'm sorry Christian… I don't know what I'm saying… I'm worried… scared…'

* * *

'Sir, are you her guardian?' One of the EMT's asked Taylor.

'No, I'm her bodyguard.'

'Did you call her parents?'

'Yes… They're at the hospital.'

All of a sudden the beeping on the monitor started going haywire. All three of them turned to the monitor.

'What does that mean?' Taylor panicked.

'She's in V-tech.' One of the EMT's answered, as he climbed on top of me starting CPR, while the ambulance stopped, and both doors opened.

They rushed me into the emergency room, where my parents where there waiting. As they saw the EMT's rushing in, they ran to the door, and ingested my appearance.

'Oh my!' Mum said as she held to dad. As they followed the EMT's and doctors into the emergency room.

'Are you her parents?' One of the Dr's asked.

'Yes.' Dad answered weakly.

'You have to leave the room sir…' The doctor shouted as he saw that I had to be shocked. 'NOW.'

Taylor dragged both of them out. However dad resisted.

'Christian, they need to work on her…' He started, when the door opened again taking their attention. It was Sawyer with Josh.

'IS it him?' Dad asked angrily.

'Yes.' Taylor answered, while dad made one swift move to the guy and started hitting him as hard as he could.

'YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU TAKE IT WITH WHO'S SMALLER THAN YOU? COWARD! TAKE IT WITH ME YOU ASSHOLE!' Dad shouted grabbing the attention of all people there.

Taylor and Sawyer both held Christian from killing the bastard, as they both knew that he would regret it later.

* * *

'Another rape victim… this time a 17 year old.' The nurses talked while Dr Grace and Carrick where at the nurses station.

'Another one?' Carrick asked in disbelief.

'It's the daughter of the CEO.' Nurse Hadley stated.

'CEO?' Both Grace and Carrick exclaimed.

'Yeah… the rich guy.' She continued. 'They're in the emergency room right now.'

Both doctors made one swift move downstairs. They were hoping it was another CEO company. At least they hoped so, but it was to no luck. In exam room 1 they found their son.

'We'll take it from here Dr. Peterson.' Dr Grace started.

'Mum…' Christian started. 'What are you doing here?'

'We could ask you the same question! Is it true?' Carrick asked… 'Sera's been raped?'

'Yeah…'

'…and what happened to your hand?' His mother asked as she took a look at the damage done.

'I attacked the bastard.'

* * *

My parents and grandparents all waited for some news, until finally I was up and transferred to a room.

'Mr and Mrs. Grey?' The doctor called.

'Yes.' They said as they stood up walking towards the doctor. 'How is she?'

'Not good, but she's awake. We found high doses of GHB in her system, which is why her heart stopped and she had a seizure. We're pumping her stomach, for any more GHB to be cleared out. She has a sprained wrist and a concussion…We've also called for a psychologist and we need to run a rape kit.'

'No need for a psychologist…' Dad started. 'We use our family's doctor.'

'Ok, then call him ASAP…'

'Can we see her?' Mum asks.

'Yes… she's in room 346… however, we need your permission to sedate her.'

'Sedate her?' Dad exclaims.

'She's scared… panicked… she won't be able to cope with the rape kit.'

'She needs the sedation son.' Grace insisted. 'If anything, I'll perform the rape kit myself.

He thought for a second until he managed to make up his mind. 'Where do I sign?'

* * *

I lied down staring at the ceiling. Many thoughts passed through my mind. I was hoping that this was a nightmare and I was soon to wake up from it. But it wasn't… it was real… I couldn't close my eyes… Every time I did, his face was there… He was there…

'Sera!' Mum called as she entered the room with dad and my grandparents.

'I…' I started… 'I'm sorry… I don't deserve to live…'

'shh sweetheart… ' Dad said as he came to touch my hand, but I flinched and I could see pain in his face. He took in my appearance, which scared him. I had a burst lip… bruised face, and strangling marks of both my wrists and neck. He couldn't believe what he was seeing but yet… it scared him more what I was saying.

'It's my fault… it's my fault… it's my fault…' I repeatedly kept saying those words… and it was to no use that both my parents tried calming me down. Soon a doctor came in with the sedation, and gave me the medicine.

I felt more relax after the shot… not enough to make me sleep, but enough to stop resisting. Grandma Grace was already preparing the things for the rape kit. Grandpa Carrick left the room to give me some privacy, and both my parents remained there for support.

'Sera, I'm not your grandma right now… I'm your doctor…so you don't have to be embarrassed about anything… ok?' She said while I nodded.

'Do you want your parents to remain with you?' Grandma asked.

'I … want… mommy.' I replied softly, while I could see dad's face turn into fifty shades of hurt. I couldn't do this in front of him. I didn't want him to see me weak… it's the least I wanted… My mother came beside me holding my hand tight, while dad made his way out.

Grandma put on her gloves and closed the curtain around my bed.

'I want you to relax now…' She started. 'Can you do that for me?' She continued while I nodded. She lifted my legs into an inverted 'V' shape, and asked me to hold my ankles together, while letting my legs part.

I quickly looked away, while tears streamed down from my eyes. My mother kept holding me tight.

'Ssshh dear… it will soon be over… you just have to relax for few more minutes…' she started. 'I promise… no one will ever hurt you ever again… I promise you sweetheart.'

Mum continued talking while grandma Grace continued taking sample and photos of anything that could be tested, and even for court evidence.

'…Once all this passes, we can go to Europe… what do you say? Visit France… Italy… Greece, Germany… We'll go to Livignio and skate on the mountains.'

'It's almost done Sera… you did very great.' Grandma continued as she took one last swab. 'There… we're all set… ' She added as she helped me into a more comfortable position and took out all her samples.

'How is she?' Dad asked as he saw his mother.

'How do you expect her to be Christian?' She replied as she wrote some numbers on the samples. 'Call Flynn ASAP son.'


	15. Chapter 15

This chapter is dedicated to kiwijoeelle for her constant encouragement, input and motivation :)... Thanks for your all support :)... and also, this is dedicated for Grey Steele fan, that always provides insight and pushes me forward to update :) ... Thank you :D...

* * *

'What the hell were you thinking Natalie?' Taylor scolded in his daughter's hospital room. '…You know what? You weren't thinking!'

'…Dad… don't shout… please! I have a headache.'

'You're having a hangover and you're dehydrated.' He continued as he moved forward and placed his hand on his daughter's arm, and softened up. '… you scared the crap out of me…'

'I'm sorry dad.' Natalie admitted.

'You realise in how much danger you've put yourself?' Taylor continued as he closed his eyes in pain. 'What has gotten into you? And where did you get those clothes from? I never approved of those! Let alone buying them!'

'I just wanted to have fun…'

'… and what about all that smooching?'

'um… I should have told you this… but Mark and I are a thing.'

'… and you don't even give me the heads up Natalie?'

'… dad you would run backgrounds checks, gave him the speech, shown him your gun… you would have scared away and I didn't want that.'

'I just want you to be safe.'

'I know daddy… but some things are too much.'

'Let me tell you what…' Taylor continued as he climbed on the bed beside his daughter. '… right now rest… we'll take this conversation later when you feel better.'

'Does that mean I'm not grounded?'

'I didn't say that kiddo.' Taylor smirked. '… you have three whole months no laptop no phone and no shopping. Unless you need your laptop to do school work, you won't use it. And you can forget sleep overs for the next 2 months.'

'Dad! That's unfair!'

'What is unfair is that you ditched me, put yourself in trouble and danger, and gotten drunk.' He continued as he played with his daughter's hair. '… lied to me and your mother, and lied to Christian Grey… you know how protective and he is of Sera… and look where she ended up.'

'Dad, I encouraged her to accept the drink… do you think it's my fault…'

'Partially… but don't worry about that… she never holds a grudge…' Taylor continued. 'You didn't know her drink was spiked… and from this day onwards, you'll be having Prescott on your tail.'

'What?'

'Yes… she'll be driving you anywhere, taking you to school… driving you to your drama lessons… shopping… everything…'

'So I'm like Sera now? 24 hour 7 with security?'

'Yes…'

'But daddy! I screwed up once!'

'You screwed up big time… and you have to learn that for any decision you make, you will have consequences. Whether they're good or bad.'

'So you'll making some random guy following me and driving me wherever I go?'

'IT's not a guy Natalie… It's Samantha Prescott. She's was a former bodyguard of Grey Enterprises. She was on vacation. Grey and I decided that it's the best for you.' He explained.

'Since when Grey decides what's best for me?' She answered back with hate. 'He better makes some good decisions for his own blood.'

'What do you mean?'

'Nothing…' Natalie answered. 'I'm tired…'

'Sleep ladybug… I'll be here… your mother is on her way.'

* * *

'Mrs Grey… good news…' Dr. Vinger started. 'Your daughter is clear from any STD's, HIV, and pregnancy...' He continued while my mother exhaled a large amount of air as she rested her mind. 'The police are here to take her report.'

'Can they wait till the psychiatrist arrives?' She asked slowly.

'Yes… they have some questions for you and your husband first.'

'Thanks Doctor.' My mother answered as she saw my father on the line.

* * *

'Yes John…' He started. 'I don't know… she hasn't said anything as yet… and the police are here for the report to be filed.' He continued as he rubbed his face.

'_I'm free, I'll come down now.' He replied as he grabbed his hospital card and office keys. 'She will need private sessions Christian, not as an outpatient here.' He continued as he pressed the elevator button._

'Yeah… sure… anything…' Dad replied.

'_I will need some time with her.' He continued._

'We're her parents John.'

'_This is not easy for her… you need to give her time.'_

'Ok… ' Dad answered before hanging up on Flynn and joined his wife.

* * *

'Flynn's coming down.' Dad told mum.

'We have another thing… the police wants to have our statement.' Mum continued as she dried some of her tears. 'We better stay with her, till the John arrives.'

* * *

I stared outside the window. It was a cold day outside, with snow falling blissfully on the ground, making patches and covering the tarmac road and plants with pure white. I saw kids running around with their parents… other having snow ball fights… others doing snow angels… doctors and nurses taking their coffee break there… everybody consumed in their perfect little lives… and little do they know that outside their happy walls, there is a world full of hatred, consumption, greed… loneliness… my parents have everything… money, wealth, security, a never ending house… and they don't realise what their priorities are…

Sometimes I ask myself… am I imagining things? Is this reality?

From my room I could see them argue. My mother fretting with her hands, and dad's face sold it all. He was angry, and I was deeply scared that he was to do something he regretted. Few paces away from them, I could see the police. I didn't want to do it… if anything I wanted to forget what happened… not dealing with it… just burying it inside… and forget all of it… I didn't need help… I didn't need anything…

I decided to try and move… I needed to walk and go to the bathroom. Besides I wanted to see myself in the mirror. My mother noticed from outside what I was about to do. They busted into the room faster than I could stand on my feet.

'Peanut… easy…' Dad said as he came to take my arm for support.

'No need… I can do it.' I replied as I refused his help and stood up… but everything started spinning. It was dad that caught me before I crashed to the floor.

'Easy there!' He said again as he held me from my waist. I felt panic rising… I didn't want anyone to touch me… anywhere where he touched me…

'Please…' I begged, while my mother noticed what I was talking about.

'Christian… gentle.' She told him as she took my hand. 'Where do you need to go, sweetheart?'

'Bathroom.'

'Ok… Do you need my help?'

'No… I can do it on my own.' I answered back as I shook her hand off and held to the piece of iron where I had the drip and antibiotics in my arm, and made my way to the bathroom.

As I closed the door, my mother turned to dad. He sat there dumbstruck with what happened. She knew how it was hitting on Christian…

'Christian…'

'She's afraid of me! She doesn't want me to touch her!'

'It's not your fault Christian… she's fragile right now!'

'I'm her father!'

'… exactly… and right now… she needs you to understand not be hurt…'

* * *

I stood in front of the mirror. I couldn't recognise myself… My face was bruised… it had all shades of purple… my cheek was swollen, and it pained as I touched it. My hair was a mess, and I tried smoothing it out, and put it in a ponytail.

I felt the need to cut… I looked around, trying to search for a sharp object, but it was to no luck that I didn't find anything. I pinched myself hard in my stomach. Trying to relieve all the pain I was feeling… after digging my nails into my skin, I felt relief. Little did I realise that I had been in the bathroom for almost 20 minutes.

My mother knocked gently on my door. 'Sweetheart… are you ok?'

'Yes mum…' I said softly as I opened the door, and made my way back to the bed, noticing that dad wasn't there. 'Where is dad?'

'He's talking to John outside.'

'Flynn?' I asked.

'Yes… you need to…'

'I don't want to talk…'

'Sweetheart the police want to take the report.'

'Mum…' I was about to say, as the door opened and Flynn entered with dad.

'Hi Sera…' He greeted as he took the chart from my bed and started reading, and signed some papers, as he turned to my parents. 'I need few minutes with her… alone…' He advised.

My mother dropped a kiss on my forehead while dad held the palm of my hand, running smooth circles and kissed it before they left the room. Flynn moved forward and sat down on the edge of my bed, while I kept staring outside the window. 

* * *

PLEASE REVIEW! :) :)


	16. Chapter 16

This chapter is also dedicated to kiwijoeelle for her constant encouragement, input and motivation :)... Thanks for your all support :)... and also, this is dedicated for Grey Steele fan, that always provides insight and pushes me forward to update :) ... Thank you :D...

* * *

At first it was all quiet… I was staring outside the window… trying to avoid his eyes, and anything he could ask… but that only made things weirder… things harder to comprehend… and all the quiet was killing me…

'… It's strange…' I started…

'What's strange?'

'How the clouds form… how everything forms… the snow falls slowly and gracefully… and we… we walk on it without caring about it. It's so pure… and we take its innocence away…' I said as I looked down at my hands.

'… and how does that make you feel?'

'I don't know… I don't want to know…' I said answered back, as I looked to his eyes. 'My parents called you… didn't they?'

'Yes… they did…'

'So you know everything…' I stated again as I let my head drop.

'Yes… but I want you to talk about it.'

'There's nothing to talk about… nothing happened… it's my fault…'

'It's not…' He stated again as he tried searching for my face, and saw that tears were streaming down my face. I dried them up immediately, not wanting to seem weak and fragile… I could control this… I could forget it. 'What are you feeling right now?' He asked slowly.

I didn't answer… I didn't know what to say. What was I feeling? I was confused…empty… dark… stuck alone in this lonely place. My parents made this about them. They always do it. IT's always about them. Whatever it is… after some time I decided to say something.

'I don't know… normal I guess.'

'What do you understand by normal?'

'I don't know Flynn.' I answered too quickly, and he noticed that I didn't want to talk about it.

'The police are here. Do you think you're able to give them the report?'

'Do I have too?' I asked again as I looked at him.

All he saw was a small fragile girl that was afraid of anything that would happen. I held my knees close to my chest and hugged them tight. I wanted to make myself smaller, disappear from the face of this world… die…

'For the report to proceed… yes…' He continued… 'Are you able to go through with it?'

I quickly dried my tears up… and looked upwards. 'Let's get this over with…'

'I'll be beside you all times… you may ask them to stop asking questions anytime you want. Ok?' Flynn stated as he stood up, and knocked on the glass window so motioning for the police to enter.

'Ms. Grey…' One of the detectives started, as he entered. 'I'm Detective Williams, and this is Detective Sullivan. We know you're scared… but we need to ask you some questions.' He continued. 'Are you up for them?'

I nodded slowly and they took out their notebooks.

'Ok… let's start… Where were you at the time that the suspect approached you?'

'I was with my friends… at L'Estillo Club… We were resting… and then the waiter brought a drink to me…'

'Did you order it?'

'No… he said it was a complimentary from a fellow man…' I replied.

'Did you drink it?' Sullivan asked.

'I asked my friend what she thought, and she encouraged me to go for it.'

'Do you think your friend had anything to do with it?'

'No! Hell no! She's my bodyguard's daughter! She would never hurt me… she thought he liked me… like I did…' I replied back as I looked down.

'Did he approach you?'

'Yes… we talked…'

'What about?' Williams continued.

'Anything… he said he's studying pharmacy…'

'What happened later?'

I looked at Flynn and where he took a seat, comprehending anything I said, and writing his own notes… He looked at me, and all I saw was kindness… He truly was the voice of reason, as dad described him.

'He brought me another drink…'

'Did you take it?'

'I was feeling sweaty… It was cool… the only thing available… but then I felt dizzy… so he took me out…'

'Did your friends follow you?'

'No… we went alone…'

'What did he say to you?' Williams asked again.

'Nothing really… we just walked from… from the back… and… took me to an alley… it was dark…' I felt sweat coming to me. My hands were trembling and had to hold my breath for not letting tears come out… I couldn't cry in front of them… I couldn't cry in front of anyone…

Flynn noticed my reactions, and he intervened immediately. 'Sera, if you want to stop, you can do it anytime.'

'I can do it.' I answered back, not wanting to admit defeat.

'Did he have a weapon?'

'No… not that I remember of…'

'Did he attack you?'

* * *

That question set me on fire… I didn't know what to say… I closed my eyes and his face was there… he was hitting me… fingering me… taking all the innocence away… I saw him undo his zipper, pulling down his boxers…

* * *

I started screaming.. 'NO.. NO… NO… PLEASE NO…'

Flynn immediately looked at the monitor… my heart was on fire… He noticed immediately that I was having a panic attack. I opened my eyes, still screaming. I started scratching the palms of my hands, till they were irritated.

'Get out… now!' He order as he moved towards me, and tried stopping me from hurting myself.

'NO … LEAVE ME! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!' I screamed.

'Dammit! Get a doctor in here! Now!' He shouted as he pushed the emergency button, and moved towards the table where emergency meds were kept.

A nurse quickly rushed in with a doctor, my parents followed them immediately as they saw doctors running inside the room.

'What the hell happened?' The doctor replied as tried removing my hands from pulling my hair.

'She's having a panic attack.' Flynn stated as he took a syringe and filled it with a sedative. 'Hold her down.'

'NO PLEASE… DON'T HURT ME! PLLEAASSEEEE!' I screamed… both the nurse and doctor held me strong, and strapped my hands, so Flynn would be able to inject the sedative.

He lifted up my sleeve and pushed the syringe in my arm. I looked at him, still trying to pull away from it.

'Please! Don't!' I begged him in tears, while he injected the sedative. I quickly felt numb… I couldn't struggle anymore, and from begging, I ended up falling into what seemed a deep sleep.

'Flynn what happened?' Dad asked while he took the syringe out of my arm.

'Detectives asked if he attacked her… I think she was hallucinating.' He stated as he strapped the straps tighter around my wrist. 'We better leave her like this for now. Page me right away as she wakes up.' He said to the doctor, before leaving the room with my parents.


	17. Chapter 17

_I walked down an alley… with a simple white clear dress. The road was dark full with insects, and roaches… there it was… some whispering here and there… a dark voice trying seducing and taking me under its spell._

'_Yes… Sera… come to me… I can make everything better… you just have to listen to me…'_

_I continued walking towards the voice… the road was getting darker… smaller and tighter… like the walls suffocating me. Thorns started growing faster and faster, and as I ran trying to escape them, I was scratched all over… _

_Soon enough the dress I was wearing was torn up. Blood was coming from everywhere… and the dress changed into a dark one… Voices kept coming from everywhere and there he was… in front of me… waiting for me and the end of the road…_

'_Yes… That's it Sera.' Josh said._

'_Please… leave me alone.' I begged._

'_Ohh… I'm not touching you, you bitch… there's no need to touch you…' He continued as he pointed towards the church. 'Come with me.' He said._

_I followed him to the church, and there I overlooked everything. My parents were at the front. Dad holding my mother for support, my grandparents seemed thorn apart… Gail had flowers in her hand. Walter holding on his father's neck, and Derek to his mother's leg. Natalie broken, and holding on to Mark…_

'_What's this?' I asked. 'What does this mean?'_

'_Look ahead.' He said, and there it was… a small white coffin. _

_Tayor, Sawyer, Philip and Gaston were carrying the coffin. Who was there? Where was I in all of this? We followed them into the graveyard, and the coffin was set on the ground. There they opened it. Who was in there? _

'_Aren't you going to see?' Josh asked._

_I decided to move forward… and looked slowly into it… and there it was… my lifeless body… holding flowers in my hands. _

'_Am I dead?' I asked slowly to Josh as I turned around… and there he was behind me…_

'_Not yet' He said as he pushed me down the empty pit and started putting soil on top of me. '…but soon you'll be…' He continued as I heard his sickening laugh._

* * *

At that I shot up immediately from what seemed my sleep. I felt something holding me down and there they were… I found myself being tied to the side of the bed. I pulled on strongly trying to free myself, and the noise I did managed to get the attention of the nurse taking my parameters.

'You're tied dear.' She started. 'You had a panic attack.'

'Can you take them off please?' I asked gently.

'Not until Dr. Flynn tells us too.' She stated. 'I'll page him right away.' She continued before she left the room.

* * *

'John, I don't understand… why did she have to hurt herself?' Ana asked

'She didn't want to… she probably didn't even notice.' He explained. 'It's psychological… she thought that, that way she could scratch away all the pain.'

'Can't she just talk?' Christian continued, as he rubbed his face.

'She can… but she doesn't want to deal with it. She's like you Christian… She learned to bury everything inside… She learned to deal with things her own way… her coping mechanism.' He continued, as his pager went off. 'Excuse me…' He said as he dialled the code they paged him.

* * *

'Dr. Flynn.' He started.

'_She just woke up… she's asking to be untied.' The nurse answered._

'I'll be right down.' He said as he hung up.

* * *

'She's up…' He told mum and dad.

I stared ahead of me… started counting all the boxes that lined the bathroom window… I kept losing track, so I kept starting all over. Whilst doing that, I had my right index finger scratching and tearing away the skin slowly of the right thumb… I felt relief in that…

I thought about the dream I had. What did it mean? What's behind it? I hated myself… I just wanted myself to die that moment… I pulled few more times trying to get loose, but it was to no use. It was getting on my nerves… I had my dad's temper…

At that moment the door flew open and the three adults came in.

* * *

'How are you feeling?' Flynn asked.

'Fine…' I replied, as he moved forward and took the chart as he read last notes from the nurse. 'Can you untie me please?' I continued as I pulled harder to the irritating straps.

He looked up at me, and saw me scratching my finger. Both my parents remained at the door… It's like they were afraid of making a move towards me. Was I that scary? They noticed at what Flynn was looking at, and it was dad's outburst that scared me.

'Stop scratching you fucking hands.' He outburst. 'Why are you doing this to us? Isn't it bad enough that we have to suffer through this?'

'You're suffering?' I asked in disbelief.

'Don't talk to your father like that Sera!' Mum scolded. 'You know he's right!'

I didn't know what to say… I didn't know what to feel… they had to suffer? What? I don't see them strapped to bed… I don't see them having nightmares… and they're suffering?

'Christian, I need to ask you to leave the room.' Flynn asked him politely.

'She's my daughter John. You cannot just kick me out.'

'I can and I will…' He replied. 'Unless you want me to call social services, and they will gladly take temporary custody…' He continued. 'Ana you too please.'

* * *

At that both adults obeyed. Least thing they needed were social services. It was bad enough that the police had to be involved into this… let alone social services.

* * *

'Can you please untie me?' I asked softly again.

'Are you going to hurt yourself again?'

'No.' I replied quickly… He moved forward and untied my left arm and soon after that he untied my right arm. He took the palm of my hand and faced it to me.

'This is also considered as self-harm.' He said looking deep into my eye, while I pulled my hand away from him.

'It's nothing… It's a bad habit that I've always had.' I replied. 'When can I go home?'

'I have to keep you for observation tonight… but if you go through the night without any problems, I can discharge you first thing in the morning.'

'Ok…' I said… all I had to do is hold on to the morning.

* * *

Natalie was discharged from the hospital early in the morning, and Taylor had taken her home to have some rest at home. At hospital it's tiring, and besides that she wanted to change and get better. In the evening she decided to drop by the hospital for a visit, and along with her father, they went to the third floor.

She moved forward to my room, where she found both my parents arguing outside my room. Dad saw Taylor and quickly stopped talking as he noticed Natalie.

'Mr Grey… Mrs Grey… I'm very sorry… we should have never ditched you.'

'You're right there.' Dad immediately answered.

'What had gotten into you?' Mum asked. 'You know what happens in those clubs! I'm sure your father told you and warned you.'

'Yes Mrs Grey… but I never thought it was true… until it happened.' She replied. 'Can I see her? Please?'

'You can try…' Dad answered back, while she knocked, and entered.

* * *

'Can I come in?' She asked softly, cutting all the quiet that was consuming me. I nodded slowly, and she entered the room, leaving Taylor and my parents alone outside.

'How are you feeling?'

'I'm good.' I answered slowly, as she moved forward. 'What about you?'

'I'm ok… grounded for life… but ok.'

'Taylor took your credit card?'

'No… worse Grey!' She answered while she sat on the edge of the bed. '…I'm like you now… 24/7 with some Prescott woman on my tail.'

* * *

Not knowing how, she made me smile with her comment, and for once I felt light… but in a second, my smile faded immediately.

* * *

'I brought you your phone.' She said as she handed me my phone. 'I thought you may need this… you have plenty of missed calls and texts.'

I took a quick look at them, and from what I saw, they were all from an angry dad. 'Thanks Nat..' I smiled weakly…

'Who's him?' Natalie asked as she pointed to Flynn at the meds counter, reading my file.

'He's my psycho guy.' I replied jokingly. '… my parents believe that if I talk to him, everything will be fixed.'

'Will it be?' She asked.

'I don't want to talk about it…'

'I'm very sorry!' She said as she moved forward and hugged me tight. She caught me off guard. I panicked a bit… I didn't know what to do… I didn't want to push her away… it would break her… especially after what happened. I saw Flynn overviewing my reaction in the reflection in the mirror. I slowly took my hands up and hugged her back lightly, until finally the moment ended.

'I should have never started going there… let alone invite you… and encouraging you.' She continued.

'It's not your fault… I wanted to come… I'm the one to blame…'

'Thanks.' She replied.

'For what?'

'For sticking up for me with the police…' She continued. '… they told me, that you told them that you believe that I could never have been a part of… you know…'

'You're the sister I never had… I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me.'

'When are you being discharged?'

'I'm supposed to be tomorrow morning…' I answered back as I held my knees tight to me. 'At least I hope so. Did you tell Taylor about you and Mark?'

'Yes…'

'…and?'

'He's mad…'

'Why?'

'We … we told him we made the deed…' She continued. '…actually it slipped our mouth… he was doing his interrogation… and I'm double grounded.'

She left me astonished… She made the deed? How? When? Where? How was it? Did it hurt? … hurt… hurt… Josh came quickly to mind… but I shrugged it immediately. I lowered my voice before I asked her.

'When? How? Was he… gentle?'

'Is he safe to talk around?' She motioned to Flynn.

'Not even if he's threatened… he won't spill.'

'It was ok… exactly how I imagined my first time to be…' She described. 'He was gentle… he even asked me if I'm hurting so he'll stop…'

'Aren't you scared?'

'About what?'

'What guarantee do you have that you're remaining with him forever? You gave him your… virginity…'

'I don't… but … I love him…' She smiled… 'Love will always find a way.'

'How does Taylor feel about this theory?'

'He thinks it's… his words were 'una bastonata al vento'… but I love him Sera… I have a good feeling about him.' She says back, as she looks at my face, and sees that I have tears… 'I'm… sorry…'

'It's fine…' I replied back as I quickly dried them up. She held my hand and squeezed it for support. Tears also streamed down from her eyes. I could see she was also hurting. 'If you need a shoulder… you can take mine…' I offered…

'How could this happen?' She asked. 'Why?'

'I don't know the why Natalie… I don't know…' I answered back. 'The only thing we can do is forget this ever happened.'

'How are you doing that?'

'I don't know… I haven't figured that out… I don't want to think about it for now…' I replied as I looked into her eyes. '…but you're stronger than this Natalie! Remember when Taylor was deployed? I still remember you coming to school crying every single day… What did you do? You talked… you fought through it… and you made it… look where you are… you have a family that loves you… a boyfriend that defied your father, and isn't afraid to show his love to you… you have everything… friends… love… loyalty… everything… now… either you're going to keep in that place and rot… or you're going to stand up, and fight this… move through it.' I encouraged. '… besides… I need someone to keep helping me when I despair in chemistry labs… You know how irritated I get when Wilson keeps on repeating and taking long to write the answers… and when Jeremy keeps showing off.' She laughed at that.

'What about you?' She asked.

'What about me?'

'What are you going to do?'

'I don't know… but you'll be the first one when I'll figure it out.'

'You know how to give advice.' She smiled.

'That's because I have to be everyone's counsellor.' I said again, before silence took over again.

Flynn noticed that I was scratching my fingers again. I kept tearing skin and throwing it away… little by little. He moved forward and removed my fingers, while giving me one of his warning looks. I stopped scratching immediately… I was doing it unconsciously… as he saw that I was not about to start scratching again, he moved to where he was.

'How was it for you?'

'Pardon me?' I replied with a question.

'How was it for you?'

'Natalie…'

'I was just wondering… What happened? He seemed nice.'

At her question, I started panicking… he was nice… he was more than nice… do all guys represent themselves that way? Are all guys like that?

'I…' I stated trying to form a sentence. I felt my heart beat rising, and Flynn noticed immediately with the increased beeps on the monitor.

'Ms Taylor, I have to ask you to leave the room.' He replied as he grabbed a syringe, and filled it with a sedative.

'I… I'm sorry.'

'Now Ms Taylor.' He ordered quickly as he came forward and injected me with 5mg of Valium, before I started scratching again.

She took another swift look at me, before leaving the room. She felt helpless… she felt sorry… but she couldn't do anything… except hold on…


	18. Chapter 18

The sedative quickly took effect, and soon I was in a deep sleep. Flynn disposed of the used syringe, and made his way out, with my file in his hands. My parents still were arguing… they seemed to be arguing more and more these days!... How much did they have to say? Yes… one thing does lead to another… but that doesn't mean that it has to go on forever.

Flynn soon caught their attention… he could see then how our family dynamic worked out… my parents arguing… and me in the middle… that was the life…

* * *

'Ok… you two calm down right now… this is not helping her at all!' John confronted them. 'I know this is hard on both of you… but you're consumed in yourselves… and you don't realise she's destroying herself slowly.' He added.

'John, you have no right talking to us like this.' Dad angrily answered back.

'You gave me the right when you chose me to be your psychiatrist… and as your friend I'm asking you to calm down.' He continued. 'I had to sedate her again.'

'What? Why?'

'She almost had the second panic attack. I didn't want her to scratch herself again.' He continued. 'Tomorrow morning, I'll evaluate her. If the night doesn't give her any trouble, I'll discharge her early tomorrow… and as for you two, I'd suggest you go home freshen up and sleep… she doesn't need any more stress in seeing you in this state.'

'What then?' Ana asked.

'Be here at 7am, and we'll discuss things before I do my rounds.' He continued. '… but for now… go and rest.'

'What about the bastard?'

'He has some problems of his own.' John continued. 'The police picked him up this afternoon.'

'I hope he rots in hell.' Christian replied as he made a fist. He was getting on his nerves and angrier by the minute.

'I think you should both go home.' John advised. 'I'll walk with you out.' He said as he took his messenger bag, and made his way out the ward.

* * *

Dad drove madly, exceeding all speeding limits. He was angry… He felt out of control, and my mother couldn't do anything to calm him down. She had to let him vent it all out… but driving that fast wasn't a good way to do it.

'Christian, slow the fuck down!' Ana outraged. 'This is not making things any better.'

'When have things ever been better?'

'Christian!'

'I don't want to talk right now… let's get home.' He ordered in his CEO voice.

* * *

None of them had a good night's rest, but at least, they managed to spend 6 whole hours sleeping. I, on the other hand… kept waking up every few minutes or so. Sleep had been becoming scarcely available these days…

At home, it was another story… Quietness took over, and weirdly enough, nothing was there… not even a single cricket making its high pitched sound… or better like that… no one could hear anything… everyone was absorbed in his little world.

Everything was dark… everything took its own time… everything changes all over again… till the cycle starts over again… and we humans succumb to everything that is placed in front of us…

* * *

The following morning soon arrived. It was 5am when I woke up. The nurses had changed their shift, and one of the nurses came doing the rounds. She was a sweet plump young woman. She had a smile to die for, and whatever she did, made it seem so graceful. He red cheeks made her even cuter, and she had the gentlest touch ever. She helped me slowly up, and knowing my history, she made sure not to exceed the limit and only held to my arms. She helped me to the bathroom where I was able to take a shower and change from the hospital gown to the clothes Gail had brought me with her. I wore a pink cashmere shirt and a pair of grey trousers. To complement the look and keeping myself warm, Gail also brought me one of my favourite cotton cardigans, and it made my outfit look complete. I tied my long curly hair into a pony tail, and cleaned my now too dirty and smeared glasses. I finally could see clearer. I slipped on a black ballerina shoes that made my feet feel more comfortable, and after seeing that I was a bit presentable, I returned slowly back to my room.

Nurse Christine was still there waiting for me with the IV in her hand…

'Do you have to?'

'Unfortunately… yes.' She replied, while I moved to the chair beside my bed and she took my hand. 'You'll feel a tiny sting till I place the cannula in your vein.' She continued as she slid the needle slowly after she found my vein. She took a sample of blood, and after injecting a saline solution, she inserted back the IV fluids with antibiotics. 'There… all done.' She said as she turned around and presented me with a toast. 'Your breakfast, as you're already up. ' She stated before she left the room.

As I saw that no one was in the hall, I took the plate, and with the IV in my arm, I moved to the bathroom. There I started cutting the toast in tiny pieces and threw them in the drain. I left the crust in the plate, as evidence that I did eat the toast. After I did my job, I flushed the toilet, and before leaving the bathroom, I made sure that there were no traces of anything… Before I went out, I checked if there was anyone… and to my luck, I could get out slowly.

* * *

At 6am my parents were already on their way to the hospital. Dad was in a clean shirt engraved with his initials, and my mother wore a nice suit. She had nice taste in clothing, and dad always looked smart. After few minutes of driving, they arrived at the hospital, and went for a quick coffee, before meeting with the good doctor.

I, on the other hand, had started reading all the texts dad had left me… and they weren't nice… he really was mad… What have I gotten myself into?

* * *

'Come in.' Flynn answered as my parents knocked. 'Have a seat.' He continued.

'Good morning.' Both adults greeted him, as they took a seat.'

'I hope you had a nights rest…' He said as he looked in his file. 'The nurses already updated me… There were no problems during the night… so I will discharge her today. However, she needs to start therapy ASAP. We need to get to the core of this…she still hasn't talked about what happened.'

'What are you suggesting John?' Dad asked.

'First and foremost… I'd like to refer to you Dr. Anne Fredricks. She's a specialist in children and teen's psychology.' He stated as he gave them her card. 'I already discussed this case with her… and she's interested in squeezing her in.'

'Wait… what are you saying John?' Christian asked confused.

'I think a female psychologist would be better for Sera to discuss certain things. I can help her… but I think it would be harder for her to open up to a male… especially as I'm a close family friend…'

'Which is better!' Mum agreed. 'You're more than a friend… we count you as one of our family… it would be easier…'

'You're thinking this as in other situations… not in rape cases.' He explained… 'Victims like her, tend to find it harder to open up to family, as they don't want to feel weak… they have to be strong for the ones around them… but it's your choice.'

'I'm sorry John.' Dad stated in his CEO voice. '… I'm not trusting some other woman that I know nothing about… You can help her…' He replied as he gave him the card back.

'It's your choice.' Flynn answered back. 'I suggest private therapy sessions 2 to 3 times a week. Are you able to bring her?'

'Taylor would be able to drop her off.' Anastasia stated.

'… and I may need for the two of you to join in one of the therapy sessions.' He continued while he wrote down some notes in his file. 'If there are no more questions, we may go up.'

* * *

'Morning Dr. Flynn.' Nurse Brenda greeted as she handed him the file, while he took a quick overview.

'Morning Brenda…How is she?'

'She's stable… she got up and moved around today.'

'Good…' He replied as he moved towards my room with my parents on his tail.

He knocked gently on the door which brought me out of my thoughts. I quickly covered up my face, before the door flew open.

'Hi Sera.' He greeted, while my parents entered and remained at the side.

'Hi…' I greeted back. 'Can I go home today?'

'I have to discuss some things before…' He started… 'You need to have some private therapy sessions with me. 2 to 3 times a week.'

'What? NO…'

'Sera, this is out of your control!' Dad scolded.

'Dad I want to figure this out on my own for now… and you telling me what to do isn't helping!'

'Oh… so I'm the problem now? You are the one who went to that stupid club!' Dad retorted.

'Christian!' Mum tried calming him down.

'Christian nothing.' He angrily cut off mum. 'You don't want to go to therapy? Fine… don't go… you're getting what you want… you fucking happy now?' Dad shouted at me, before he stormed out of the room.

I felt my heart breaking… I had no doubts… my father hated me… he literally hated me… I felt tears drowning my eyes. Did dad just did not care? What was I to him? John was also left astonished at dad's reaction. He knew with his anger issues… he knew with any destructive thing Christian had… but not this way…

'Can I be discharged?' I asked him gently.

'Only if you want. I can keep you here if you want to escape for now.'

'No… I want to go home.'

'Ok.' He said as he moved forward and removed my cannula slowly while putting a stick instead of where the needle was. 'Ana, you need to sign here.' He added as he handed her the papers, while she signed them.

'Let's go dear.' She said as she took my overnight bag. 'Thanks John.'

'I'll come by later tonight…' He said, before we all left.

* * *

The drive to home was spent in utter silence. Dad was speeding again, which meant he was angry. I could see his knuckles pushing forward as he held a tight grip on the steering wheel, while having his other hand to his lips. I wondered what he was thinking about. I just wanted to make it all better but nothing could be that much controlled anymore…

In less than 20 minutes we arrived at home, and Taylor greeted us. He took my bag, while dad punched the security code for the elevator to open, and all of us went to the first floor.

As we arrived in the kitchen, my dad went straight to his liquor cabinet and took a shot of whiskey. Whiskey meant he was more than angry.

'Sir, do you need anything else?'

'No Taylor… you can go.' Dad said as he dismissed him.

'Sera, can you go to your room?' My mother asked as she entered the kitchen. 'Your father and I need to talk…'

I decided to obey quickly, and without any hesitation I went straight to my room.


	19. Chapter 19

'Gail can you give us a moment?' Mum asked gently.

* * *

As I went to my room, I found it clear as I last had left it. My laptop was there… my iPod was there… I moved towards the drawer where I kept my journal and took it out. I didn't know what to write in it… but at least… it was beside me for when I knew what to write.

* * *

'Yes Mrs. Grey.' She said as she left the kitchen while dad moved to the living room, and she followed suit.

'What's wrong now Christian?' She confronted…

'Nothing's wrong.' He replied as he took another sip of his whisky.

'Ohhh no… you're not going there Grey! How could you talk to her like that? She needs to know you're there for her… not shouting and screaming in her face!'

'She got what she wanted… she's happy now.' He coldly replied.

'Who are you? You're not my husband.' She answered back hurtful.

'Yeah… great Steele! The guilt card!'

'What did you just call me?' My mother shouted as dad managed to push exactly the right button.

'Nothing…' He replied as he took another sip.

'You called me Steele… you bastard…'

'Oh… I'm the bastard now.'

* * *

And it all started… back to where we were… my parents arguing and throwing names towards each other. I went to my bed with the iPod and journal in my hand. I played the first song available in my playlist… It was Avril Lavigne.

'_Well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,_

_She felt it everyday._

_And I couldn't help her,_

_I just watched her make the same mistakes again._

_What's wrong, what's wrong now?_

_Too many, too many problems._

_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs._

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home._

_It's where she lies, broken inside._

_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes._

_Broken inside.'_

* * *

'Yes… because that's the right attitude to deal with your daughter who had just been abused!'

'She went to the club. I didn't send her there Anastasia.'

'So what are you saying Grey? That she deserved this?'

'I didn't say that!'

'… but you're implying it.' She replied. 'Why don't you go talk to her?'

'Right now if I do see her, I'll do something I regret!'

'Christian! She's your daughter.'

'Was Ana!... Was… She lost the title when she defied me.'

* * *

Tears streamed down as I heard him say that… he truly hated me… I could feel the spite in his voice… I could feel the coldness… I could feel him…

'_Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why._

_You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind._

_Be strong, be strong now._

_Too many, too many problems._

_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs._

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home._

_It's where she lies, broken inside._

_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes._

_Broken inside.'_

* * *

'What are you saying Christian?' My mother asked in disbelief.

'You heard me Ana… I'm not repeating myself.'

'You fucking son of a bitch!'

'My mother wasn't a bitch…' Christian turned in an outrage, as he threw his glass with all his anger. 'If anything my mother is a loving woman.'

'Grace is a great woman… but you are nothing like her.' Mum said in hateful tone.

'FUCK ANA!' He shouted as he cleared the crystal ornaments from the wall unit, and all that was heard were glass being broken.

* * *

I flinched at the sound. I flinched with every hateful word that came from their mouth… and it's all because of me… I needed to find relief. I quickly went to my drawers, and searched for a razor blade. I lifted my sleeve upwards, grabbed the first razor I found and dragged it to my arm. I made a deep cut. The burning sensation… the blood coming out… the deep wound… it made me feel better… I preferred the physical pain rather than the emotional pain. I knew how to control this.

The song continued through my earphones, over my parents shouting.

'_Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why._

_You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind._

_Be strong, be strong now._

_Too many, too many problems._

_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs._

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home._

_It's where she lies, broken inside._

_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes._

_Broken inside.'_

* * *

'What the fuck... are you enjoying with breaking things Grey?' Mum scolded as she moved forward hoping to calm her husband down, but that was to no avail…

As she moved towards him and touched his arms, he was in alert mode, and his first instinct was to defend himself. A hard slap across mum's cheek was heard from my room, and she fell to the ground.

'Oh my… What have I done?' Dad said as he went forward to help my mother.

'Don't touch me YOU MONSTER.' My mother shouted back as she got up. 'Fine… you want to be like this… be like this…' She said, while dad grabbed the car keys and made his way outside. 'Where the fuck are you going Grey? Escaping as always?'

'It's none of your business where I go Ana…' Dad answered back. 'Maybe I'll go to Elena.'

'Ohhh…. Now you've gone too far Christian… Don't expect to find me here when you come back Grey.' She said as she made her way upstairs and too her room.

* * *

I cried… hearing them like that broke me… they for sure were getting a divorce now… they hated each other… my mother was leaving… I don't know if dad was serious… but he hit mum… he never did that… he's angry…

I looked at my arm, and blood was still coming out of my deep cut. The more blood I saw, the more relieved I was feeling… I was transducing emotional pain into physical one… I could deal with it better like that.

'_Her feelings she hides._

_Her dreams she can't find._

_She's losing her mind._

_She's fallen behind._

_She can't find her place._

_She's losing her faith._

_She's fallen from grace._

_She's all over the place._

_Yeah,oh_

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home._

_It's where she lies, broken inside._

_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes._

_Broken inside._

_She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah_

_She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah'_


	20. Chapter 20

_Dear Bert,_

_ I guess you know what happened… but that doesn't matter… what matters is what my parents feel… my father hates me… he doesn't care about me at all… he… for the first time he hit my mother, and she threatened to leave him. What's going to happen? My father hates me, and if she leaves me with him… … … … … There is only one thing to do… What if… what if I leave? What if I escape? They will forget they ever had a daughter… it's not like they care… they're too absorbed in themselves… it will all be better for them._

* * *

A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts, and I quickly hid my blooded tissue and journal under the bed, before letting the person behind the door enter.

'Sera?' Gail greeted as she came in. 'Can I come in?'

'Yes…' I softly replied, while she entered.

'How are you feeling?' She asked as she brought in a muffin and a bottle of water.

'They're leaving each other… Aren't they?' I asked her.

'Don't think about them sweet heart… you need to gain your strength back.' She replied as she sat beside me.

'It's my entire fault… I should have never been born…' I said.

'Hey… don't say that!' She replied back while she rubbed my back. 'I never had kids of my own… it was my great pleasure helping your parents raising you.'

'… they don't love me Gail… mum told dad that he won't find her here when he comes back…' I desperately answered back as I burst into tears.

She held me tight to her and hugged me. I buried my face in her chest, and there I rested… I cried my guts out… She continued saying soothing words in my ears while rubbing my back gently.

'Why weren't you my mother?' I asked.

'Don't say that Sera.' She said as she looked deep into my eyes. 'You parents love you.'

'No they don't… my father hates me… he… he'd be better off without me.'

'What are you saying?' Gail asked worryingly.

'I don't want to stay here anymore… I want to leave… you have to help me escape…'

'…and where are you going?' She tried reasoning with me.

'Anywhere… anywhere but here… I hate my life… I hate everything here.'

'Shhh… I'm not letting you leave Sera… You're saying this in anger.'

'No… I mean it… I don't want to stay here…' I cried again while she hugged me tighter…

'Please GOD, just take me with you… don't let me live anymore… PLLEEEASSEE!' I begged.

'Shh Sera… shhh… don't say that!' Gail replied with tears in her eyes.

She lied me down gently on the bed and remained with me while she ran smooth circles over my eyes. She kept saying soothing words… she kept promising me that everything would be ok… she tried making me feel better. After a while, all the crying took its toll over me and soon I had fallen to sleep. When Gail was sure that I was sleeping, she left the room and took out her phone.

* * *

'Taylor.' He answered.

'It's Gail…WE have a problem…' She said.

'I'm coming right up.'

* * *

'What the hell happened?' Taylor said as he entered the kitchen.

'Sera… she wants to escape…'

'What?'

'She heard her parents argue… Mr Grey lost his temper…'

'Where is she?' Taylor asked as he started running the stairs.

'In her room.' Gail answered as she followed his tail. 'She's resting… poor girl cried herself to sleep.' She continued as Taylor opened the door slowly and took in the state I was in.

'Get Flynn.' He ordered. 'This isn't a state she should have been discharged in… tell him what she told you.' He continued as he had already his phone to his ear, while he closed the door slowly.

* * *

'_Sawyer'_

'It's Taylor.' He started. 'I need you to send Ryan… for 24/7 guard with Sera till I find Mr Grey.'

'_He'll be there ASAP… I'll send him up.' He finished as he hung up._

* * *

Both Taylor and Gail went back downstairs. She made him a quick cup of coffee before he had to go on his mission. They discussed over and over again, all exists available that I could take. He gave Gail direct orders not to let me alone at any time.

Gail had already contacted Flynn, and told him about the whole ordeal. First he wanted to tackle was Ana. He called her immediately trying to calm her down… explaining to her that he had warned her about Christian losing control. After almost half an hour of him trying to convince her to stay, mum accepted to stay… if not for dad… at least for me…

While my mother was on the phone, Ryan was up, and ready to take orders from Taylor.

* * *

'Right at your service, Sir…' Ryan stated.

'Sera is trying to escape… I want to keep an eye on her at all times. If she goes to the bathroom you follow her and remain outside the door. If you hear anything suspicious knock to see if she's still in there… if she goes downstairs, you have to go downstairs with her… You have to follow every step she makes...am I clear?'

'Yes sir…'

'I'm holding you in charge of the girl… anything happens to her and you're in trouble with me.' Taylor threatened.

'What will be your job sir?'

'I'm going to search for Mr. Grey.' He replied as he made sure his gun is loaded and headed to the door.


	21. Chapter 21

Taylor tried tracking down dad's phone, but dad was no stupid man. He had switched off his phone and left it at home. He clearly didn't want to be found… but that wasn't any problem for Taylor. He checked the garage to see which car, my father could have taken, and from that he concluded that he went with the Audi. He knew the security code to dad's GPS, as his bodyguard, he was trusted with any code around the house, and with one call to Sawyer, he soon had the address to where my father was last, or at least where his car was.

Without wasting any time, he went straight to his SUV, and it was long till he was on the road. Taylor always had impeccable driving… and that day, it wasn't any less. He took the highway, speeding all through the drive… until finally he arrived… and there he saw… dad's car…

* * *

Back at home, Flynn managed to make Ana view her priorities. His words kept repeating in her mind… over and over again…

'_If you leave now… there would be no way, to turn this thing around'_

My mother is a loyal loving trustworthy woman, and no matter what dad did, she always loved him and believed in him… and today was no less. She went down in the kitchen, after having dried up her tears, and decided to try and call Christian, but it was to no avail as the phrase '_The person you are trying to reach is unavailable right now… please try again later.'_ kept replaying.

She finally decided to let it go, and went to Gail… at least the two women could talk…

I on the other hand, had been coming and going from consciousness. Sleep seemed to be getting harder… As I saw that I was alone, I retrieved my journal from underneath the bed, along with the blooded tissue. I quickly hid it in one of the drawers, so that when I go to school, I could dispose it off there… without having anyone going through my trash and suspecting anything.

* * *

… _I don't know what to write anymore Bert… I'm sorry… I just don't know what to say._

* * *

I wrote down… I truly didn't have any more feelings… I was too lost… I felt too alone… I didn't know what to do.

* * *

_For now I'll be using this as my food diary… Exercise plan… and maybe when I have something to tell you… I'll write again. _

_Consumption:_

_ Food Cals_

_Breakfast Nothing 0_

_Lunch Water 0_

_I did good for now… I hope I manage to pull through dinner… I have to do this… if anything I'll take few bites… just to get everyone off my back for a while… there is always purging…_

* * *

Taylor walked up to dad's car, hoping to at least find him there. But it was to no luck. As he was missing from there as well. He looked around, and all he saw were some groceries, flower shop, a church and a pub. He knew how my father dealt with things, and made his way to the pub.

As he opened the door and went in… he noticed dad immediately… There he was, on one of those high stools, drinking.

'… give me a double.' He ordered, as he took out some cash, threw it on the counter. 'The same.'

Taylor couldn't believe the state he was in. Last time he saw him like this were 25 years ago… when my mother left him temporarily. Taylor clearly knew what this meant. A self-destructive Christian. He moved towards him, and little did Christian notice him.

'Mr Grey, we have to go.' Taylor ordered as he arrived beside him.

'You're not my mother…' Dad replied with hate in his voice, as he turned and faced Taylor. '…oh… it's you.' He continued as he drowned what seemed his 6th double shot.

'Come on Mr Grey.' Taylor said again as he helped Christian up. Dad held on tight… he was in no state to be walking, let alone driving. He was too drunk. Dad didn't put up a fight, but let Taylor drag him out. By time he learned that he should never defy the former ex-marine.

As Taylor helped him into the SUV, Christian broke down.

'She's leaving…' He started. 'I hit her… how could I do that to my wife?'

'Christian…' Taylor answered back… '… she loves you… she will always remain there.' He tried convincing the broken man in the back seat.

'Not this time… not this time…'

* * *

I heard my mother calling me from downstairs, and decided to obey without hesitation. I quickly hid my journal under the false base of the drawer, and made sure that nothing could bring suspicion. After I made sure that I disposed of the muffin that Gail had brought me and hid it in my school bag, I made my way to the door.

Before I went out, I made sure that everything was in order, and there was nothing that could bring suspicion. Little did I know that outside Ryan was there, as I turned around making one pace, I crashed right into his back…

He immediately turned around while I moved back into alert mode, until I recognised him…

'What… what you doing here Ryan?' I asked questioningly.

'Taylor asked me to follow you 24/7…'

'There's no need Ryan, I'm going downstairs.' I replied as I closed the door.

'Taylor told me not leave you out of sight.'

'I'll talk to Taylor… you can rest assured… if anything he works for dad.' I replied as I made my way downstairs. 'I'm going to the kitchen… just to let you know…'

* * *

'What took you so long sweetheart?' My mother asked.

'I… I was talking to Ryan.' I replied as he entered the kitchen behind me.

'You can go Ryan.' My mother dismissed him, while she took a seat out, and set the dishes on the table. 'Sit down Sera.' She continued as she served some pasta salad.

'Where's dad?' I asked softly while she sat down beside me.

'He went out… he'll soon be back… don't worry.' She said as the done the sign of the cross and started digging in her lunch.

'He hates me doesn't he?' I replied as I took my fork and started playing with my food.

'He doesn't hate you.' She replied softly. 'You just have to give him some time… what you did… you defied him Sera… and you know how he is when people go against his orders…'

'Mum, he doesn't even want to look at me…'

'He needs some time.' She said again as she removed a lock of hair from my eyes.

'I'm sorry.' I said in an undertone.

'I know you are…' My mother replied as she took another bite. '…but what you did is way beyond. Your father and I are angry with you… you need to give us time… you need to give your father time… he'll come around…'

'Are you getting a divorce?'

'No… we thought about it… but we love each other…'

'So you're not leaving?'

'No… your father needs me… more than ever now.' She continued as she helped herself for seconds, when she noticed that I still hadn't touched a thing. 'You haven't had anything as yet…'

'I'm not hungry.' I replied as I put the fork down… in reality I was starving… but I couldn't bring the food to my mouth… I felt like sinning if did so… I didn't want to lose control and binge… I just couldn't do it… 'May I be excused please?' I asked.

She was in conflict whether to let me go or not. If dad was there, he wouldn't have let me go, without eating… but she wasn't controlling as he was… she wasn't so commanding as he was… Finally she gave in. 'Yeah sure…'

'Can I go for a walk please?' I asked her gently… not wanting to make her sadder.

'Yeah… sure… keep your phone on you at all times.' She ordered. 'Don't be long…'


	22. Chapter 22

I went out towards the door, and finally I could breath. I took the elevator, and went down. I took out my iPod and set the volume to the highest it could go. I searched for I'm with you by Avril Lavigne. She had the most amazing voice… I could simply relate to all lyrics in her songs... or most of them to be exact…

'_I'm standing on a bridge_

_I'm waiting in the dark_

_I thought that you'd be here by now_

_There's nothing but the rain_

_No footsteps on the ground_

_I'm listening but there's no sound_

_Isn't anyone trying to find me?_

_Won't somebody come take me home?'_

I walked along the road… My brain was scattered in any thought. Everything was in my mind. I felt I was about to explode with all the information I had. I just wanted to forget… I just wanted to stop all this… but I couldn't… I just couldn't…

The cold breeze gave me shivers, and I felt better… I was finally feeling something… something physical… but then… dad came to mind… his coldness… his anger… his hatred… all because I ditched him… all because I disobeyed him… all because I defied him… maybe I deserved getting raped… maybe I did bring it on to me… maybe I did lead him on… maybe…

I was about to cross the road, without even realising that I didn't care, for any car that passed. All I heard was a huge skidding break… and that brought me back to my senses.

'WATCH WERE YOU'RE GOING!' An angry driver shouted, as I moved back to the pavement, and let the car pass, before crossing the road again… this time I ran it…

I wished that the car just crushed into me… maybe I would have died the easiest way out… maybe that's all I needed… my parents would have all their problems taken away… maybe that's what the dream meant… that I should die…

'_It's a damn cold night_

_Trying to figure out this life_

_Won't you take me by the hand?_

_Take me somewhere new_

_I don't know who you are_

_But I... I'm with you_

_I'm with you_

_I'm looking for a place_

_I'm searching for a face_

_Is anybody here I know_

_'Cause nothing's going right_

_And everything's a mess_

_And no one likes to be alone_

_Isn't anyone trying to find me?_

_Won't somebody come take me home?'_

Patience… yeah… my whole family lacked it… my father is fifty shades of fucked up… at least that's how I always heard him argue with mum… and she telling him that's it's all some damned excuse to hide behind his true feelings. I am constantly afraid of turning into him… I'm afraid of him… I'm afraid of what he may do… I'm afraid of what he'll do… will he ever talk to me again? Will he ever love me again? Will I be his peanut again? Will I have a father?

Tears streamed down at the thought… and it scares me… my parents are too consumed in themselves… I wish they could realise that there is more to life than their stupid arguments… I wish they could realise that love can conquer everything… I want them to have a happy life… I want to give them everything… but they don't realise it… and it all starts all over again… my mother sad about how dad is…my father angry at everything… Flynn… Flynn in the middle… is it so wrong to wish that Gail was my mother?

'_It's a damn cold night_

_Trying to figure out this life_

_Won't you take me by the hand?_

_Take me somewhere new_

_I don't know who you are_

_But I... I'm with you_

_I'm with you_

_Oh why is everything so confusing_

_Maybe I'm just out of my mind_

_Yeah-he-yaa, yeah-he-yah, yeah-he-yah, yeah-he-yah, yeah!_

_It's a damn cold night_

_Trying to figure out this life_

_Won't you take me by the hand?_

_Take me somewhere new_

_I don't know who you are_

_But I... I'm with you_

_I'm with you'_

* * *

Taylor helped dad out of the SUV, and few minutes later, they were in the kitchen, where my mother was taking some advice from Gail. Our family was literally broken… shattered… or was I blowing it out of proportion?

'Christian?' Mum said as she took in the state he was in. 'Where did you find him?' She asked Taylor…

* * *

'_Take me by the hand_

_Take me somewhere new_

_I don't know who you are_

_But I... I'm with you_

_I'm with you_

_Take me by the hand_

_Take me somewhere new_

_I don't know who you are_

_But I... I'm with you_

_I'm with you_

_I'm with you...'_

* * *

'A pub outside the city Mrs Grey.' He asked as he sat him down, and Gail went to do some black coffee.

'You're in so much trouble Grey!' Mum replied angrily as she removed his suit jacket and tie, and unbuttoned few of his shirt buttons. 'That is exactly how you should deal with things Grey… getting drunk.' She continued as Gail brought him the strong coffee, but the smell made him feel sick, and it wasn't long that he was green and threw up.

'Dammit Grey!' My mother said angrily again, while Taylor brought a bucket, just in case Christian threw up again… and he was in good timing… as the next set of coughs brought more vomit up. 'That's exactly how Sera should see you when she comes back.' Mum said again, as she brought the cool damp facecloth to his face.

At that Taylor went into full alert mode. He knew what I was capable of doing. He saw me through my good and worst.

'Where is she?'

'She went for a walk.' Ana replied as she rubbed her husband's back while he threw up.

'Dammit..'

'What's wrong?'

'She wanted to escape… which is why I put Ryan on her tail.' He replied as he took his phone and contacted Sawyer.


	23. Chapter 23

Not wanting to get into any more trouble, I was making my way back home… and it wasn't long till I arrived… I took the elevator… and made my way to kitchen… where there I saw my father in the worst state I could ever imagine him. I never knew he was this self-destructive… I saw my mother aiding to him, and Taylor on his phone. Gail on the on the other hand, came running to me hugging me. I felt awkward at first… I still wasn't used to people touch me… especially after…

'Never mind Sawyer…' Taylor said before he hung up and exhaled a large amount of air. 'She's here.'

'Where were you?' My mother asked in anger, as she came facing me… 'Did you really think on escaping?' She asked.

I let my head drop. How did she discover? What was I to tell her?

'Sera Elizabeth Grey… I want a fucking damn answer now!' She screamed in my face as he lifted it from my chin.

'Yes…' I answered back. 'It's not like you care anyways.' I finished the sentence. In a second, I felt a stinging pain on my cheek. My mother had just slapped me… for the first time… she slapped me… I held my cheek with my hand, while my eyes glistened…

'Ohh my…' My mother started as she realized what she had just done. 'I'm so sorry Sera!' she continued as she hugged me… but I didn't want any comfort from them… from neither of them. I pushed away from her, and ran straight to my room.

She moved back to the table, and held on strong to it. She was breaking… she never hit me… and now… Gail moved forward to her… and tried calming her down. Soon my mother recovered and went back aiding to my father.

'Taylor, can you help me move him to our room?' She asked gently.

'Sure Mrs. Grey…' Taylor replied, as helped Mr Grey up, and with my mother they moved him to his room. 'Do you need anything else?' He asked as they sat him in bed.

'No, thank you.' My mother replied as she started removing dad's shoes and socks, while Taylor made his way out.

* * *

I remained in my room… I was dumbstruck… my mother… she never slapped me in her life… she never laid a hand on me… I could have expected it from dad… he used to spank me back when I was younger… but my mother… she was always the one to disapprove of the corporal punishment… and now… she turned to doing that?

… and what was wrong with my father? He was definitely drunk… but I could see something else in him… anger… hatred… his eyes were dull… his face was dead yellow… did he take up drinking again? He always turned to alcohol when things went against what he believed.

I brushed my feelings quickly, and went to do my school bag… I've lost too much… I wasn't going to miss school too now… I'm used… broken… but I still have to move forward… forget this ever happened. I put up a quick mask, and held a small smile on… I had to keep this on… till I convinced myself that it's how truly I feel… it always worked… it has to work this time too…

I grabbed my phone, while still doing my bag, and called Natalie, and her mother picked up the land line.

* * *

'Hello.' She greeted.

'Hi Mrs Taylor, may I please talk to Natalie?' I asked gently.

'Who wants her…' She asked

'It's me… Sera…' I replied.

'Oh… Hi Sera…' She continued. 'How are you feeling dear?'

'I'm ok…' I faked a smile. 'I can't wait to get back to routine.'

'That's good… getting back on your feet.'

'Yeah… um… do you think I can speak to Natalie please?'

'Yes sure.' She said as I heard her call Natalie.

'This is her…' She greeted.

'Hey… they truly did take your phone! I thought they were bluffing!'

'I thought too Grey… but apparently not…' She continued as she sat down on the couch. 'Anyhow… what's up?'

'You going to school tomorrow?'

'I have never stopped going… my parents said that having a hangover is my fault, and I still have to go to school.'

'Good… I won't be alone…'

'Your parents are letting you go to school?'

'I guess so… They have… some problems right now…'

'Don't tell me!' She exclaimed…

'yeah… dad sober again…'

'Sera, why don't you talk to someone? This is not good for you!' She suggested.

'I'm fine Natalie… I'm used to this…'

'…and that's what scares me with you… you've gotten used to everything… how much is it going to take for you to realise that you're killing yourself…'

'Natalie… I'm ok… I promise…'

'What about… What about Sunday? Are you ok from that?'

* * *

She mentioned it again… It hit hard… she knew exactly what I was hiding… she knew I wasn't fine… but I was… was I?...

* * *

'Sera? You still there?' she asked as she heart the silence that was eating me.

'Um… I… I have to go…' I replied slowly. '… I'll see you tomorrow…' I finished as I hung up.

'Yeah… and that's you being fine…' She said to the engage ringing of the phone.

* * *

I decided to not even go down again for the evening… my parents wouldn't want to see me… especially dad… after what happened… from what I could hear, Flynn had dropped a visit as he had promised. I could hear him trying to reason with my father… it became more of a high-voiced argument…

Dad could be hard-headed and stubborn more than a young kid that wants to have his own way. I heard my mother's sobs seeing my father broken… she wanted to help him… but he's drowning…and worst of all… he didn't want me to be called his daughter…

I took a quick shower, and changed into my pj's… I simply wanted to sleep… rest and forget for once… before I went to bed, I took 3 diet pills… one of their major side effects was drowsiness and sleep… I didn't care anymore whether I woke up the following morning… but at least… I would have slept… I timed my alarm clock at 5.45am, to wake up and get ready… and maybe I'll see my father… and apologize… if he wanted to talk to me…

It wasn't long till they took effect… I was getting dizzier by the second… I couldn't raise my hand to fix the covers properly on me… my protein cell receptors weren't open anymore… potassium wasn't binding to them, so sodium couldn't enter the cells, increasing the threshold level, where I could feel all the pain… I smiled at the thought… I was finally blocking my responses… I finally found a way how…

My thoughts were all jumbled… my eyes were burning… and sooner than later, I entered into a deep unrestful sleep… a sleep were nightmares took over… a night were I woke up millions of times… a night were I smiled as I felt sharp pain in the cut I had done earlier…

At last I found my coping mechanism… and that was enough…


	24. Chapter 24

I was already up before the alarm clock went on… I was already dressed, with my long hair in a ponytail… My bruises were fading but still had a greenish/yellow tint. I applied concealer so as to hide every inch of the damage done. My lip was still burst, but at least it didn't hurt much anymore… I applied Cold sores cream, where it burned… but sooner than later, it felt better. It looked better. I wore the locket my parents had given me. I never left anywhere without it… like that I carried them with me wherever I went, and never felt alone… but what are gifts if I don't have the real thing? They'll go back to work… come back home… we talk… if we'll talk… study… and the day is all over again… My laptop was set on my bed, but I couldn't care less for any electronic thing… I took my journal out before the Grey's estate woke up to another day…

* * *

_Dear Bert,_

_ I did it…I'm finally calm… I blocked everything for once… it felt good… but I have to pay attention… I cannot overdose again… the pain I'm feeling in the sides of my back is unbearable… but I have to walk through it… dad always told me that in life nothing is easy… and he's right… nothing is easy…._

_ I only have to prove to everyone that I'm ok… then I can move on… if I sell it to them… I can sell it to myself… besides… soon Christmas is coming, and I'd like to have a good one…_

_ I managed it yesterday… I did it! I consumed less than 50cals, and burned over 150 cals… I'm doing it… but I still see myself fat… I hate myself looking like a pig… no wonder my parents hate me… no wonder they don't look at me… but don't worry… I'll become perfect… I will do this… I have the control… I can do whatever I like… I am able to turn this around into my advantage… _

_ Control… it's all about control…_

* * *

The alarm quickly went off, and it made me jump 7 feet above the chair… the little things were making giving me the biggest frights. I heard Gail going downstairs, and it meant that she would soon be up to wake me up. I heard both my parents alarm go off, and they woke up immediately… From their room, I could hear the water from the faucet, and I heard my father on his phone with Sawyer…

At that I had took the queue that I should prepare myself. I quickly closed the journal and hid it back into its place. My father was already read, and I heard my mother grumble for dad to let her sleep few more minutes. I smiled at their interaction… it was a peaceful one…

I took my bag, and laptop and made my way out, only to remember that I left the bloodied tissue in the drawer, I quickly returned back and hid it deep into one of the side pockets of my bag. Like that, I could get rid of any evidence….

After all the racket, I got out of my room, only to find my father there. We remained staring at each other. He clearly didn't want to talk to me…

'Good morning Dad.' I smiled weakly, trying to break the ice between us, but it was to no use, because he only made his way downstairs.

I felt tears rising, but I controlled, and kept smiling, following him suit into the kitchen. There he went and fixed himself some breakfast. I dropped my bag and placed my laptop on the table. I moved towards the Gail, where she handed me the usual glass I take. I filled it up with chilled water, and stared at the stairs. My mother soon came down.

'Morning mum.' I greeted her.

'What are you doing so early up dear?' She asked while she buckled her shoes.

'I'm going to school.' I replied, while I filled my bottle of water.

'Isn't it too early to go to school?' She replied as she moved forward. 'What do you think Christian?' She asked.

'I'm off to work.' Dad replied not even caring for what she asked.

'Christian!' Mum scolded.

'I'll see you later honey… and I'm sorry!' He moved forward and kissed her.

'This is not over Grey!' My mother told him back in an undertone.

'I know…' He replied as he made his way out.

* * *

He left… He didn't care anymore about me… I was just a number now… someone he thought of nothing… just dust that moved around the house. I was his flesh and blood… and now…

'_I deserve it´ _I thought to myself.

Both my mother and Gail noticed I was shaking… My mother came forward and lifted my face looking deep into my eyes… As she was about to say something, Taylor came in.

* * *

'Sera, it's time to drive you to school.' He replied as he took my bag and laptop, and waited for me.

'Bye mum… I'll see you at 3pm.'

'I have a meeting today.' She called out. 'I don't think I'll be here earlier that 7pm. Your father will be here.'

'Yeah… ok…' I finished as I followed Taylor.

'Mrs. Grey, I don't want to intrude in your life… but I think you should be easy on Sera.' Gail stared.

'Gail, I'm really trying to understand her… but she defied Christian…'

'I'm not talking about ditching you… I'm talking about the abuse… she needs to feel loved… she needs your patience.' Gail explained.

'Gail you have no right telling me how to raise my daughter!' Ana angrily replied.

'I'm not telling you how to raise her… I'm just telling you that you both need to be there for her!' Gail added.

* * *

Taylor drove in utter silence. He kept looking on his front mirror to check whether I was close to ok or not. My brain was only set on my father… I finally thought what I should do… I took out my phone…

* * *

To : Daddy

Text: Hi dad… sorry to bother you… but...how are you? I know you're angry with me… and I know that what I did is wrong… I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry… I truly am… please… forgive me! I hope you have enough love in your heart to find at least a little forgiveness for me. I love you daddy…

Your peanut…

* * *

I sent it as soon as re-read it, and soon after I received the delivery report. I knew he received it… I was hoping he'll at least text back… but there was still nothing…

I dried my tears quickly and held my phone tightly in my hand… I just wanted dad to at least text me back… even a hateful message… it would be enough… at least I would know that he read it…

* * *

'Sera, are you sure you're ready to go to school?' Taylor asked. 'If you want you can ditch today… You need to get better… I can take you to the park… or the beach…'

'Yeah…' I replied. '… I'm ready…I already lost too much… I'm not missing anymore.'

'You're not talking about school… are you?' Taylor asked as he took his eyes of the road for a second, while I remained quiet. 'You know I'm here for you right? I love you as if you were my own…'

'…but unfortunately… I'm not…' I replied. '… I have a father that doesn't care the slightest about me… he hates me… and he has all the right to do…What I did… was beyond cruel… I deserve this.'

Taylor decided to let it go, as he took the next turn and parked in the parking lot.

'Sera…' He started as he turned towards me. 'I want you to promise me one thing… you are not and I repeat… NOT… going to escape… and you are to keep your phone on you at all times… Am I clear?'

'Yeah…' I agreed. '…besides, Natalie will be there.' I continued as I got out of the car.

'Kid… don't worry… He'll come around.' He replied as he walked me to the gates.

'Thanks Taylor.' I smiled weakly as I walked up to the front stairs.


	25. Chapter 25

I put up a smile and walked up the stairs. Finally I was back into civilization. Finally I was back to a place where I could stop thinking about everything and for a while, I could focus on different things. I walked up the hallway, and there was Natalie, waiting for me with I concluded was the Prescott woman. Wow… did Taylor manage to get this high security with her? He must be worse than dad… unless dad pulled some strings, which I was sure he did…

'Hey Grey!' She greeted, while we walked towards our lockers.

'Hey Nat…' I greeted. '…I have to correct you! You're worse than me!'

'Not funny Grey!' She replied. 'I'm mad at my father for even considering this!'

'Oh shut up Natalie.' I scolded. 'At least you have a father that fears for anything that happens to you.'

'Ok… you're right there…' She replied as she took her books out. 'We better get to class before Mark blasts my phone.

'Phone suspension lifted?' I asked.

'Yeah… my parents said that I cannot stay without a phone in school… it's a necessity these days… not something that one could stay without.'

'God bless common sense!' I smiled.

'Ohh, and I still haven't told you the news! I'm going on a trip with mum to visit grandma.'

'When are you leaving? I replied as I closed my locker.

'On the 23rd and I come back on the 30th' She added.

'You're not going to be here for Christmas? You know we always invite you with our family!'

'I know… but I'll be here for in New Year's Eve.'

'I'll have to give you your Christmas present earlier then…'

'Hey, I didn't tell you this to get the present early!'

'I know… but you're my sis… I have someone to spoil!' I smiled, while Nat's phone rang.

* * *

'Geez, Mark! Give me a frikkin' minute with Grey! I'm not going to escape you know!' She said.

'_Oh come on baby! You know you love it when I'm needy!' _

'Yes I do…' she smiled.

'_Listen, don't take long! Wilson is giving us the test back.'_

'Thanks… be right there baby.' She finished as she hung up and grabbed her books.

* * *

The day passed quickly… I didn't notice how fast the time passed. It was amazing how school took my mind off things. I could see Mark and Natalie happy together… they held their hands together… never letting go… and it made me think… was I ever going to have that? Would anyone want me? My mother always taught me to save my virginity to the guy I truly love… but now… what do I have to give?

At 3pm, we all headed home. Taylor went in to talk to his daughter. I could see the closeness, the love… the feeling of affection between them… I wished to have that with my own father. I checked my phone and realized that he still hadn't texted me back. He was at home… maybe I'll talk to him there… I hope so at least.

Soon Taylor came in, and he had a smile. Usually he's always serious, but I was happy for him that he could find peace with the person he loves and cares about. He started the SUV, and started driving to Escala.

* * *

'How was school?' He asked bringing me out of my thoughts.

'It was ok… ' I replied. 'I received my Biology test.'

'How did you do kiddo?'

'87%... I can do better.'

'That's already a good mark.'

'Not enough to raise my GPA to the highest level.'

'You already have a GPA with that.'

'Yeah…' I replied. 'Is dad home?' I asked.

'Yes, even your mother. The meeting was cancelled… her editor is sick and didn't attend.'

'Ok…'

* * *

It wasn't long till we arrived home. He pushed the security code and took me up to our house. My parents were both there in the kitchen, discussing and planning the family get together.

'Hello sweet heart.' My mother greeted me as she saw me. 'How was school?' She asked while my father remained there concentrated in what he was doing on his laptop.

'It was ok…' I replied as I took out my paper out. 'I got an 87% in biology.' I continued as I handed her the paper.

'That's good dear!' She said as she took a look into it. 'Isn't it Christian?' She continued as she elbowed him… but it was to no avail… he was still focusing on what he was doing.

'I texted you today dad.'

'I didn't receive it…' He answered coldly.

'I received the Delivery Report…'

'…to put it better… I didn't get it.' He answered back in his stern voice.

'Ok…' I replied. 'Um… I'm going to my room.'

'Why don't you eat something with us dear?' Mum suggested as she handed me back my paper.

'I had a huge lunch at school… am not hungry right now.' I replied while mum looked at dad for some response…

'Ana, she said she's not hungry… if she's not hungry she's not… she'll do what she wants… isn't that right Sera?' He asked in a hurtful manner, but I couldn't answer back.

'Can I go please?'

'Yes… sure…' My mother replied… 'Oh… and please, tell Natalie that the get together is going to be on the 22nd, her boyfriend is also invited.'

'She won't be coming this year.' I replied.

'Why not?' Dad asked.

'Her mother is taking her on a trip to visit her grandma… she'll be back on the 30th.'

'Ohh…' Was his only reply.

He cared enough for Natalie… but not enough for me… but at least he talked to me... that was more than nothing...I made my way to my room, and locked the door behind me… I was finally alone… the place where I belonged… in an empty and lonely place…

* * *

PLEASE REVIEW!


	26. Chapter 26

The days passed by, and sooner than later, all preparations were made for the get together. I loved seeing my parents working together, on preparing this event…maybe we need more things like this for them to compromise. Their arguments seemed to get less frequent… but the relationship between my father and I was still weak…

That morning, everyone was busy. As I had started my holidays, I decided to go down and help Gail with the decorations. She then helped me choose what to wear. She had great style and advice… just like my mother… however she was busy with my father. I was glad that finally they were communicating.

* * *

At around 6pm, we were almost ready. Gail picked out a navy blue satin knee-length dress. It was a long-sleeved dress, with a round-neck. The skirt was flare, my favourite style, and the thin bow belt made the dress look prettier.

I stared in front of it before getting dressed… I just didn't know if I could pull anything… I wanted the night to be perfect… at least for my parents…

After almost half an hour thinking and contemplating, I heard voices downstairs which made me lose focus. From what I could hear, Grandpa Carrick and Grandma Grace had already arrived along with Grandma Carla and Grandpa Ray. My parents aided to them which meant I had all the time I wanted. After getting ready I went down and remained in the corner beside my father... He still was giving me the cold shoulder...but at least we were talking... Saying our hi's and goodbye's... The yes's and no's... I greeted the family with my parents, and everybody noticed that there was some distance...

Aunt Mia came in and she was such a hugger... I had prepared myself for this... She squished me hard not even letting me breath... However I couldn't return her warm hug... Later uncle Elliot and Aunt Kate arrived with their 4 year old daughter Ava. Clarissa, their older daughter decided not to come. She was already 21 years old, and prefered spending her Saturday night with her friends... If I could...i would have done the same... But Natalie was on a trip with her mother to visit her grandma, and seeing her all excited and happy was more than enough.

Later Flynn and his wife arrived, and Rhian went straight saying her hello's along with the complimentary wine… they always had good taste in wine. My father and Flynn started a conversation with Flynn, while Rhian was talking with my mother. At one point, I could see Flynn taking in my appearance and from his eyes all I could tell that he didn't like what he saw... Neither Rhian... She grew more concerned. With one swift move, Walter let lose of his mother's grip and came running to me. He jumped on me almost knocking me down, and at that I felt someone's strong grip holding me from my arm. I looked towards the hand and the face... It was daddy's...

'Thanks' I smiled, but all I got in return was one of his CEO smiles...

* * *

_'It's better than nothing' I thought to myself._

* * *

'Easy there Walter' Rhian scolded, while Derek came to hug me as well.

'Sewwaaa!' Walter shouted into my ear. 'Tell Dewek that you love me the mowst!'

His question made me smile... He is such an adorable child...

'Sera, I'm all grown up now!' Derek said. 'can you be my girlfriend?'

'Um... I'm way to old for you Derek! It wouldn't be fair to all the girls your age to have such an amazing boy!' I answered back.

'Fair enough!' He replied while I ruffled his hair. 'Not my hair!' He grumbled.

'... And as for you sweetheart, I love you both the same!' I replied as I went to whisper in Walter's ear. '...but you are my favourite little guy...'

'Daddy, can I gow pway with sewa?' He asked Flynn

'Only if sera wants too.' Flynn replied while I looked at my parents asking permission.

'You can go...' My father answered.

All three of us went to the stairs and there we played... Soon Ava also joined us... Both Walter and Ava wanted to stay on my lap, so i let them have fun. Derek was doing some magic tricks that he learned. All guests were having fun... At least that's what I saw... At times I felt some stares at me but that didn't stop me from anything...

* * *

'What's wrong dear?' Grandma Carla asked my mother.

'Nothing... It's just... Things changed mum...'

'I always told you that marriage is a closed box... You're in it for both the bad and good'

'Right now there's more bad than good'

'Don't say that Ana...'. She encouraged. 'God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Have faith in God...'

'That's all I have left.'

* * *

Uncle Elliot noticed that i hadn't had anything to eat or drink as yet. He came beside me, as he saw that both the two boys went to drink, and it was that time that he could spare a moment to talk to me.

'Ava, are you hungry or thirsty ?..' He asked.

'Yes daddy! A lottttt!' She replied as she jumped off my lap.

'Easy there lady bug!' he continued as both of us held her from falling onto her face. 'Go to your mother..' he continued as she ran to her.

He sat down beside me, while I rested my back to the stair behind me. 'I brought you some water.' he started, as I gladly took the glass from his hand.

Thanks uncle.' I smiled as I drowned the whole glass.

'Kids are tiring aren't they?'

'Yeah... They are... But I love them anyways...'. I replied as I finished my glass.

'You haven't had anything as yet... Are you feeling alright?' he asked as the waiter passed infront of us and I dismissed him.

'Yeah ... I'm fine... I had a huge lunch and I'm not hungry.'

'Yeah...'

'What does that supposed to mean?'

'Sera, nobody saw you touch anything as yet, and you look like you haven't had a meal in months!'

'I'm fine uncle...I truly am...' I smiled back at him, while Ava came running back.

'Sera, can we please play catch?'. She asked while the boys joined as they heard the question.

'Here? We may break something!'

'We pwomise we'lww be caweful...' Walter replied... 'Pweassseeeee!'

'Pleeeassseee!' the three of them begged... I couldn't say no to them.. They were so adorable...

'Ok fine... But on one condition.' I said. 'We have to run to the sides of the room. We won't bother our family.'

'Owkey sewa! I pwomise!' Walter started as he came forward and hugged me.

'Do you two promise?' I asked.

'Only if you give me a kiss!' Derek answered while I moved forward to his cheek and kissed it lightly. 'Ok... I promise.'

'What about you Ava?'

'I'll promise only if you let me have a piece of chocolate...' she said while I looked at her father hoping for a response.

'Ok lady bug. But only a piece.'

'Ok I promise!' She said as the three of them pulled me up.

'I have to go uncle... I'll catch up with you later...'

* * *

They started running around, and it was hard catching them... Ava was the lightest of all... She kept running and running...as they promised, they didn't bother the guests. I caught Walter first and lifted him up... He always loved that... All of them did… So it made the game more exciting...

After what seemed like an hour or so, I was getting tired. I motioned them that I was stopping... My breath was short and my world was spinning... I needed to get out of there.

'Wait for me...' I said slowly. '... I'll be right back...' I continued as I held to the wall and moved to the dining room without anyone noticing... Or at least I thought so.

Taylor saw me swaying and holding for support. He followed me quick as his feet could take him without raising any suspicion. I felt my joints wobbling... My vision kept getting blurry, and all the voices where fading out...

Ava went running to her father and so did Walter and Derek... Uncle Elliot saw Taylor moving towards the dining room..

What happened?' he asked to the little one

'Daddy.. Sera isn't feeling well.' she said worryingly, as he lifted her up and handed her to Aunt Kate.

'Kate, tell Ana that Sera's in trouble...' he told her as he moved towards the dining room.

I was still trying to hold on strong.. But i couldn't anymore.

'Sera!' I heard Taylor's voice.

I turned around, trying to cover up my symptoms, but it was to no avail... The turning made me dizzier, and in two large steps he caught me before I could hit the ground.

Uncle Elliot entered the room, and saw me in Taylor's arms, while he was slapping my face trying to wake me up.

'What happened?' he said as he moved forward.

'She passed out.' He answered back. 'Sera, can you hear me?'

I was getting back into my senses...i opened my eyes.

'What happened?' I asked groggily.

'You fainted!' Taylor replied while both helped me back on my feet, and I saw my mother coming towards me.

'Oh my... Are you ok?' she panicked

'Yesss mum... I'm fine.'

'Fine my ass...' Uncle Elliot answered... 'i'm getting christian.'

AS he mentioned my father's name, I panicked. I didn't want him to know.. We were talking... I didn't want him to stop again...

'No please... Don't!' I begged as they sat me down. While Taylor brought me a glass with a very sweet liquid. 'Please don't tell him! He's having fun tonight... I don't with him to worry.'

'Ok... We won't tell him. Only of you eat this...' my mother said as she took one cup with some ice cream on it, that the waiters had left as desserts.

I thought about it for a second, and weighed my options... _'I could always purge later... And I read somewhere that ice cream is one of the easiest foods to purge... All the better.'_

'Ok...' I said as I took the cup from her hand and started eating slowly... 'Mum you better go... Dad will suspect something if you stay here any longer...' She looked at both men.

'We'll stay with her Ana...' Uncle Elliot said.

'Are you sure?' she asked Taylor.

'Don't worry Mrs. Grey...' He continued. 'She's our responsibility.'

'Ok... Come sit beside us when you're ready from here... Ok?' she said while I nodded, and took the second spoon...


	27. Chapter 27

Uncle Elliot kept pacing to and fro... I wondered what he was thinking about... Taylor, on the other hand made sure that the spoon touched the bowl and back to my mouth... The food was making my stomach hurting and I wanted to find relief... soon... But how could I go through with it without anybody noticing?...

After almost half an hour. I finished the bowl and drank Taylor's drink... It was very warm and very sweet... Different how my father usually did it... It was way sweeter and it brought thirst. They didn't take eyes of me before both man made sure that I ate something and drowned the liquid...

'How are you feeling?' Uncle Elliot asked as he rested his back to one of the live wood pieces.

'Good... Better...' I replied as I held my stomach... The pain was increasing by the minute but I had to cover this up until I got out of there...

'Sera, this is what I was talking about at first!' He started, while Taylor still stood there... 'You're not healthy... This is not healthy!'

'Uncle... Please! I get enough of this... I'm fine uncle! I promise... There's nothing wrong with me!'

'Yeah... I can see that!' He answered sarcastically.

'Can I go to my mother please?' I asked gently.

Both looked to each other whether they should let me go or not. 'I'm not going to fall if that's what you're waiting for.' I continued as I stood up standing my ground...

'Ok... You may go...' Uncle Elliot replied while he rubbed his face, and waited for me to go out.

As both man were in the clearance, he turned to Taylor... He had to know some things before running through with it.

'How long?' He started.

'11 months for sure…' Taylor answered back.

'What's Christian doing about this?'

'I shouldn't speak of Mr. Grey's family matters.' Taylor continued.

'Taylor, you obviously know the girl better than anyone... I think it's time somebody took action.' He continued. 'Has she started therapy?'

'No... She believes she can do it on her own.'

'Hard-headed as her own father...' He said in spite... 'I'll talk to him...thanks Taylor... And please do me a favour, keep an eye on her...' he added as both man made their way out.

* * *

Dad noticed both man coming out of the dining room, and returned to my mother.

'What did Kate want honey?'

'Nothing special...' she replied. '... Elliot and Taylor had something to discuss...'

'Ok...' he replied. 'Not even taking notice that I was there.

'Mum, may I be excused please?' I asked.

'Yes sure dear... Is everything ok?'

'Yeah... I'm fine...' I replied as I put up a smile. I learnt how to do that… how to deceive my true feelings… it became the normality…

* * *

And it all started again... I made sure everything is locked, and nobody could hear me... I turned on the water and with one swift move I reached for the toilet...I trusted my fingers deep into my throat, and started chocking... I knew that sooner than later I was about to vomit and I was right... Thick liquid started coming out... I continued trusting in my fingers wanting to get rid of everything...

After feeling my insides tearing up and water started coming out, I stopped... I moved forward flushing the toilet and went forward to wash my hands and rinse my mouth. I didn't feel any remorse anymore... I didn't feel any pain... I felt relieved.

I grabbed a towel and dried my mouth. A warm liquid in my throat was coming up. I looked at the towel, and there it was. Blood was coming out... I panicked a bit. What have I done? Could I have damaged my oesophagus? Or irritate my throat?... I shrugged it off, and washed my mouth thoroughly... I brushed my teeth and finally the blood stopped.

The towel was another problem... I tried washing it out... And after constant rubbing it became pale pink... That wouldn't get noticed much with the pink towel itself... I disposed of it immediately and after making sure that I was presentable, I made my way out.

* * *

'Daddy! Sewa is hewe... Pweassseee pweassseee! ' I heard Walter beg Flynn.

'She needs to rest sweetheart...' he replied as he held him tighter while Rhian took care of Derek.

'But daddy!' He whined…

'Your father said no!' Rhian scolded.

'It's fine Rhian..' I smiled at her as I moved to Walter.

'Sewwwwaaaa!' he screamed as he held his arms up for me to lift him up.

I saw Flynn taking in my appearance . I could feel his stare penetrating through but I blocked him... At least I thought so in my mind.

'Are you sure Sera?' he asked as I lifted Walter up.

'Yeah...' I smiled... '...for this adorable guy everything!'

'Heyyyy! And what about me?' Derek asked.

'You too young man!' I continued as I held my hand, out for him to take it...

It was a good thing I was wearing flats. I could move around easily… I was already finding it hard to get my strength and move around at times… especially when I went on pointe at ballet lesson… was it normal for fatigue to get that much?

Walter was tiring me out… was he getting heavier? Or was I struggling with everything. I moved towards the couch where my parents were sitting before I was excused. Now they were talking to Grandma Carla and Grandpa Ray… Derek sat beside me, while I sat Walter on my lap, and rested his head on my chest. Little did I know that the 4 year old, also moved towards me, wanting the same affection that Walter was receiving.

I sat her on my other knee, and held them together.

'Sera, what are we going to do?' Ava asked me.

'Mhmm… That's a trick question!' I replied. 'What would you say if I tell you a story?'

'Yesss! I love stowies!' Walter replied. 'Dewek too, he begs daddy evewy night to tell us a stowy… but he doesn't admit it.' He replied.

'I told you not mention it to anybody Walter!' His brother replied hurt.

'Derek, I love guys who love to hear stories… In fact, it's something good.'

'Ohh, ok then.' He smiled. 'Thanks Walter.' He replied as he moved to his brother and kissed him. Brotherly love… they all seemed so tough until moments like these.

'What story are you going to tell us?' Ava asked.

'A life lesson one.' I replied.

'…but we're not in school.' Derek grumbled.

'Life isn't only about school Derek. You need to learn certain things the hard way at times. When you'll grow up you'll understand, and you will pass your life experiences to your brother.'

'True… My dad grounded Clarissa, because he said she did something very bad last week, and he said that no matter if she's 30… for as long as she's living under his roof, she has to obey his rules.'

'Yes Ava… our parents want to keep us safe…' I continued. '… so do you want to hear the story?' I asked again while they all nodded. 'Ok… let's start then.'

'Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn't know how she was going to make it. She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed. Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.

Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot and ground coffee beans in the third pot. He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter. The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.' I started as my Grandpa Carrick and Grandma Grace came beside us.

'Please, continue!' They insisted, as they sat in front of us, wanting to hear me out. I blushed lightly, but complied.

'Turning to her, he asked. "Daughter, what do you see?" "Potatoes, eggs and coffee," she hastily replied.

"Look closer", he said, "and touch the potatoes." She did and noted that they were soft.

He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.

"Father, what does this mean?" she asked.

He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently. The potato went in strong, hard and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak. The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.

"Which one are you?" he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?"'

'What does adversity mean?' Ava asked.

'It means trouble sweetie.' I smiled. 'What do you think that the father meant?'

'That when life throws you lemons, you should make a lemonade.' Derek answered back as he rested on my shoulder.

I laughed at his answer. It quickly reminded me of Taylor Swift. 'You know Taylor Swift?'

'A friend in my class loves Taylor Swift, and then I went home and asked mum and dad about her. I like her music, but daddy said that she has a boyfriend, breaks-up and then a new song… he explained her that when life threw her lemons, she made lemonade, which is why many girls like her.'

'I love her too… she's my idol!' I told him back.

'What is an idowl?' Walter asked.

'It's when someone admires someone else… like you admiring Barney!' I explained to him softly.

'… but really… what did you get out of the story?'

Derek talked again… he slowly was turning into his father… a great man… an intelligent and insightful one as well. 'Things happen… but it's how you choose to react to them… for example… last week, mum caught me stealing a piece of chocolate without her permission, and I took the large pointy knife to cut it. She gave me a punishment, and spent the whole week without watching television, so instead, I started drawing with Walter, and we made a very nice picture, and daddy said he loved it and we placed in on the fridge.'

'That's lovely!' I replied as I coughed. '… and what have you learned from the punishment?'

'That I should always obey my parents… although I drew with Walter, I still didn't like missing Power Rangers… the red ranger went on a mission, and I don't know how it ended.' He replied, while I coughed again.

'Awe youw ok Sewa?' Walter asked as he held tighter on me, while I nodded. Grandma as a doctor, noticed that there was something else. She went forward and took her niece and Walter in her arms. 'But I want to stay on Sewa!'

'Sera needs to have a second dear.' She answered as she held him and Grandpa Carrick took care of Ava.

I took the advantage and stood up searching for a tissue. For the second time in few hours, I felt the thick liquid along with the taste of iron back into my mouth. In my luck, a waiter passed, and I took a tissue, letting the liquid fall into the tissue. Little I knew that Grandma Grace followed me.

'Dear, are you ok?' She asked.

She caught me off guard, and I quickly hid the tissue from her. 'Yeah… I'm all ok… I just had a tickle in my throat.' I thought of a suitable quick lie.

'You're such a bad liar!' She smiled. 'Just like your father! …are you sure you're ok Sera?'

'Yeah… I am grandma.' I replied as I looked over the kids. 'I better go back to them.'

'They can wait honey.' She said as she held me from my shoulders and made our way towards the garden. 'How are you? Truly?'

'I'm ok… I guess… I really haven't thought about it grandma…' I replied back as we sat down. 'You know… he hasn't quite talked to me as yet… and I want to know how I can make him forgive me… I know what I did was stupid… I know… I deserve all that he's throwing at me… but I love him…'

'I know you do honey!' She said as she hugged me tight to her. '… Christian was always stubborn… I remember till this very day how angry Carrick and I were when he lied to us about going out with his friends. Elliot was the one that had his back…'

'Were they close?'

'They still are… till this very day…' she answered back as she let go of the hug. '…but you dear… should take better care of yourself.'

'I am grandma…'

'Have you talked to Flynn…'

'Why is it so frikkin' important to everyone that I talk to Flynn?' I replied getting on my nerves.

'Firstly mind your language with me… I'm not your father; I tolerate… a lot… I know he has a loose mouth, but you should speak well… secondly… it's your first step towards recovery.'

'Recovery from what?' I asked desperately.

'From what happened at…'

'Grandma, nothing happened… I'm fine…'

'You're not dealing with this…'

'Grandma, please! I know you're trying to help, but I really don't want to talk about it… I want to deal with it my own way for now… when I'm ready… I promise… I'll go to Flynn myself!' I replied as I stood up. I wanted to end the conversation quick, but she simply pulled me down next to her.

'I'm not finished Sera.' She said again. 'I liked the story… is that what you're trying to do?'

'I think so… I don't know… I'm just confused… but I'll be fine grandma… Christmas is soon here… Remember how happy we were before?' I started.

'Ohh I truly do… I remember Christian not leaving from your side… he wanted to make the best of Christmas's with his family.'

'What happened now?' I asked as I remembered our happy times… For once I felt all the walls I built crushing down… I had flashbacks of my parents laughing, happy… together… us three. It was then that I started crying.

'Shhh baby girl! Shhhh!' Grandma said as she held me close to her and rubbed my back.

We remained in quiet, only to hear sniffles every now and then from me. Crickets made crackling sound, which brought some harmony. After I finally calmed down, I decided that it was time to head back.

'I think we should go back inside.' I suggested.

'Are you ok dear?'

'Yes grandma… thanks.' I smiled, as I got up and started my way up, only to find Uncle Elliot coming to us.

'Hey son.' She greeted.

'We're going mum… I came to say goodbye.' He replied.

'I should leave you two alone.' I said, while Uncle Elliot stopped me.

'No need Sera…' He smiled at me and returned to his mother. 'Ava slept… we better take her home.'

'Don't forget New Year's Eve at our house Elliot.' She continued, as she stood up and hugged her son tight. I loved that affection between them. Although he was older than my father, he still had a very healthy relationship with his mother.

'We wouldn't miss it for the world mum!' He replied as he kissed grandma on her cheek. 'Are you coming Sera?'

'If my parents say so… I guess yes.' I smiled while he moved forward and hugged me.

'Take care of yourself… Ok?'

* * *

_**PLEASE REVIEW!...**_


	28. Chapter 28

The days went by quickly, and 8 days went by like the wind that takes away all the dry broken leaves. It amazes me how much destruction it can make, but yet, when the flower reproduction season, wind manages to make all the best of things. It amazes me how pollen gets carried on by the wind, until it falls into a carpel, where an ovary forms which later turns into a seed… if wind could do that… than why don't things in life happen to be the same? All the troubles washed away, and only the positive good parts left?

At least it was New Year's Eve, which means a new year is about to start… having new resolutions… new ideas… new awaiting…

* * *

We made our way to grandma's house... I loved visiting her. She always accepted me with open arms... I had no doubt why dad loves his mother so very much... She always understands... She always loves... And most of all never is shy in showing affection, even in front of others. That is the greatest thing about her. My parents were conversing and mum kept trying inserting me in the conversation, but whenever she tried, dad stopped talking... His voice made me calm... Even though he wasn't talking to me... But at least I could simply hear his affectionate voice towards my mother.

I signed in on facebook, and checked my wall feeds, soon Natalie messaged me.

19.05: 'Hey Grey!'

19.05: 'Hey Nat! Happy new year! :D'

19.06: 'Same goes for you! How's everything?'

19.06: 'Great, on my way to grandma's house! :D'

19.06: 'yeah... Dad mentioned something...'

19.07: 'is Prescott still on your tail?'

19.09: 'yes... Dad said that like that he knows for sure that I'm safe... She's actually not that bad! :D last week she took me shopping while mum was at work! :D she has such good taste! :D'

19.09: 'glad to hear that! :D'

19.09: 'and you're stuck with my dad! :p'

19.11: '...hey Taylor isn't bad you know! He's actually been there for me more than my father had... :)'

19.12: 'yeah... :D and that's why i love him! :D he never leaves me alone in anything... :D'

19.12: 'where are you going tonight? :)'

19.14: 'Spending the night at Heathman hotel... :D mark and his family are joining us... :D it's a dinner buffet dance :D can't wait! :D'

19.14: 'Geez! Calm down nat! :p'

19.15: ' i can't! :D it's going to be suberb! :D'

19.17: 'better than me! I'll be stuck with adults hearing them discuss work and politics, and then end up taking care of young kids... At least Clarissa is going to be there...:p'

19.18: 'hahahahahahaha! :p are you going to a nye's or a meeting/babysitting grey? :p'

19.18: 'not funny nat! :p...ok... Yes it is! :p'

19.18: 'what do you think i should wear? The black dress or the silver one?'

19.19: 'i think you'd rather go with the black one! I don't think Taylor would approve of the silver one :p'

19.19: 'touché grey touché! :p but the silver is so sexy! :D'

19.19: 'leave it for when you go out with mark! :p *wink wink nudge nudge*'

19.20: 'mhmm... Good idea! :D i just have to get rid of Prescott for the night :p'

* * *

'Nat get ready! We're soon leaving!' Taylor shouted from downstairs.

'Coming dad!'

* * *

19.22: 'listen grey, gtg... Dad's calling out :p'

19.22: 'Give Taylor and your mother my regards! :D'

19.23: 'not even a hug grey? :p'

19.23: 'ok... :p give them one of my squishy hugs! :p'

19.24: 'yes boss! :p'

19.25: 'hahahaha! :p have fun nat! :D I'll talk to you tomo! :D'

19.25: 'ttyl sera, and happy new year! :)...'

19.26: 'same goes for you! :D hugggzzzzz! :D xxxxxxxxxxx'

19.26: 'huggggggzzzzzz! :D... Tc sis! :D xxxxxxxx'

19.26: 'Same! :)...'

* * *

'Sweet heart, we're here' my mother told me... As she touched my knee, but I quickly flinched.

I opened the side door and put my phone on vibrate mode after I signed out from Facebook and placed my phone into the inside pocket of my coat... Damn it was cold...

My parents held their hands together as if they were still that young couple on their first couple of dates. I smiled at the scene... They were so adorable.

We made our way up the front stairs to grandma's house. It has a huge patio garden in front and 6 large steps to the door... The roses were beautifully smelling and the hyacinths were producing an amazing smell, that when it collided with the roses, they made an amazing fragment. On the sides of the garden there were small rosemary and mint bushes. Grandma never liked buying those so instead she grew her own... She loved everything organic which is how and why all her family is obsessed with being green and organic.

We made our way in, and I went to greet Greta in the kitchen while my parents went in the living room where Uncle Elliot was already there with Aunt Kate, Clarissa and Ava... I hadn't seen Greta in ages... She is such an amazing woman. She isn't young, but she has a sense of humor that could turn any cloudy day into a beaming sunshine. After saying our hellos and talked a bit, she told me that it was time she headed out to meet her mother and spend the nye with her sister and family... I decided to head back to the living room where all of them where already there... Uncle Elliot and my father were deep in conversation; my mother was tending to Aunt Kate, while grandmas Grace and Carla, Grandpas Ray and Carrick were deep in conversation with Flynn and Rhian.

It was Walter who noticed I had just entered the room.

'Sewwwaaaaa!' he shouted as he ran towards me.

I caught him with open arms, and lifted him up once, but soon had to put him down... I couldn't get him past 10 inches above the ground before I felt my muscles aching.

'Seewwwaaa! You came!' he smiled as he hugged me tight.

'Of course I'll come little guy...' I smiled back while Derek joined his brother.

'Sera, I have bad news..' he started.

'What is it?' I asked thinking the worst.

'I have a girlfriend...' he replied. 'she is 8 years old and she has blue eyes and she has magic!'

I laughed out load with this discovery. 'I'm happy for you Derek...' I smiled while my grandma came hugging me.

'How are you dear?' she asked.

'I'm fine thank you grandma.' I replied as I let go of her hug, while Ava came from behind pulling my coat.

'Look who's here!' I smiled as I went down to her.

'Sera, I missed you!'

'I did too sweetie..' I smiled.

'Can we go play sera?' Derek asked.

'Let me take your coat before you go with the kids.' My grandma offered, while I started taking it off. '...but don't forget to come and catch up with all of...'

She stopped in halfway her sentence as I removed my coat. I was wearing a fit and flare spaghetti black satin dress. It fit tight to my body till my waist, and then the skirt opened up into a nice flare type. I saw sadness in her eyes... From underneath my eye, I could also see grandpa Carrick staring at me. The talking subsided a little, but soon after it all started again. I handed grandma my coat after I removed my phone.

'What's wrong grandma?' I asked.

'Nothing dear...' she smiled weakly, while the three kids pulled at my arm.

'Seraaa! Let's go!' Derek grumbled...

'Go with the kids...' grandma smiled weakly again as she kissed my cheek.

I walked to the coach, where Clarissa and her parents were along with mine. I lifted Walter on one knee and Ava on the other while Derek sat beside me. I placed my phone behind me, and all three started talking... Ava and Walter kept playing with my pearl hairpins... While Derek kept talking about his new girlfriend.

My grandma returned to the room with some drinks, and moved again to where her fellow conversing people were.

'We have to do something Grace!' grandpa Carrick stated.

'I know... She looks so terrible...' she continued as she took a sip from her champagne. 'Has she come to talk to you John?'

'Not as yet... And I'm afraid that if we leave this for longer it would be too late...'

'I have never seen someone so thin!' grandma Carla added

'When my Ana had anorexia... We caught it immediately...' Grandpa Ray started before he was cut by Grandpa Carrick

'Ana was anorexic?'

'In her early teens… Yes...' grandma Carla replied sadly. '...but thank God we caught it early and she was back to herself in no time... But sera... She looks...'

'Like a 6 week old cadavere...' grandma Grace finished.

* * *

'Ava, come here for a second.' uncle Elliot called her as he patted his lap.

'... But daddy!' she whined while he gave her a stern look.

'Go sweety... My knee is reserved for you' I told her smiling as I helped her down...

'Sewa, I need to go to the bathwoom!' Walter stated.

I didn't want to get peed so, I quickly got reinforces.

'Rhian...' I called out, as she turned her look to me. 'Walter needs to go to the bathroom.'

She quickly came running to me and had Walter in her arms. He still was getting used to the toilet as he started,his potty training late.

'Thanks Sera...' she replied. 'Derek, go to your father and tell him to bring me the wipes and baby bag please.' while she turned to me. 'Can you please hold on to this for me Sera? She asked as she handed me her glass.

'Sure..' I smiled...

'Thanks sweetheart!'

* * *

Everybody was caught up in his own conversation and finally had some quiet time. I took out my phone and quickly texted Natalie.

* * *

To: Natalie

Text: as i told you :p... Babysitting and finally some quiet time while everybody is caught up with their stuff... :p ohh and almost got peed on! :p how's your evening going? :D

* * *

I sent the text and soon i received the delivery report.

Clarissa came beside me looking all inquisitive... She was always like that... Once she starts she won't stop talking. I quickly locked my phone, and awaited for her to start.

'It's been a bit since I've last seen you cousin!' she smiled

'Yeah.. Almost a year' I smiled back. 'How have you been?' I continued while I took a sip of the glass of water grandma had gotten me earlier.

'Let's go outside to talk...' she said as she stood up... 'I have something to tell you...'

'um... Ok... Sure... Let me ask my parents...' i smiled as I grabbed both my phone and glass of water and Rhian's champagne, and moved to where Uncle Elliot and Aunt Kate along with my parents where.

'Mum, dad, can I go outside with Clarissa please?' I asked softly. Dad didn't even look at me. He remained sipping his bourbon. My mother took in my appearance, and her face changed into another shade.

'Um… yes… sure… just don't take long sweet heart…' She replied.

'Ohh, and can you please hold this for Rhian?' I asked again. 'She had to attend to Walter's needs.'

'Sure… leave it with us.' My mother smiled.

'Keep your phone on you.' All dad ordered before I left.

* * *

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	29. Chapter 29

We both made our way out. Clarissa and I took our time in moving slowly. She had a soft drink in her hand. It's not normally her. She usually had some alcohol with the others… maybe she's on her period?

'Wow, Uncle Christian is being pretty hard on you.' She commented as we took a seat in grandma's garden.

'Yeah…I kind of do deserve it Clar… I did ditch him, lie to him, deceive him and ditched our security team.' I smirked. '… wow… saying it all at ones, I truly did pull out all strings!'

'How did you manage?' She asked in surprise… she knew how up tight and overprotective my father is.

'Honestly I don't know!' I replied.

'You look awful Sera…' She continued as she took a sip from her coke.

'Thanks!' I replied quite hurt.

'Don't take it personal… but you look skin and bones… everybody stared at you when you took your coat off.'

'Oh come on… I'm no where there Clarissa…'

'My father said you fainted last time…' She said as she turned to me.

'It was nothing… just low blood glucose level.'

'You should talk to somebody. I have a gut wrenching sensation especially with these hormones.' She replied.

'Hormones?' I asked confused, while I drowned my glass of water.

'Um… well… I'm kind of pregnant…' She replied. The news took me off guard, and all of a sudden I spit the water out. 'You don't need to give me a shower Sera!' she continued while she dried her arm with a tissue.

'What? How? When?'

'The how… well… I had sex… the when… two and a half months ago. The what… I don't know.' She replied as she drowned her coke and placed both our glasses safely on the floor.

'How did Aunt Kate and Uncle Elliot take the news?'

'I haven't told them as yet…'

'Who's the father?'

'My boyfriend…' She confessed.

'Did you tell him?'

'Yes…'

'…and?'

'He said that he wants this kid… and we'll raise him together.'

'You're having a boy?' I smiled as I hugged her.

'Yes… and there's another thing…'

'Don't tell me you're having twins.' I asked almost scared.

She laughed at my reaction. 'No… no… not twins… but I'm thinking on dropping out from school.'

'Are you nuts?'

'Somebody has to take care of the baby!'

'…and what about your parents?'

'Well, when I tell them, they're going to be mad… then angry… some cursing… then dad will get angrier, mum will calm him down… and we end up saying 'no matter what happens we'll always support you and help you.'

'I wish my parents were like that.' I replied sadly. '…but don't you think that dropping out of school is too much?'

'What am I supposed to do?'

'Day care? Kindergarden schools? A nanny?'

'Do I have the money for that?'

'Mhmmm… right… maybe your parents will help you out…'

'I hope so.'

'I don't know what to tell you…' I replied back.

'What are you due?'

'In September…'

'When do you think you'll tell them?'

'Next week… maybe…'

'The earlier you tell them the earlier you can get rid of this.'

'What about you?' She asked.

'Are you going to use that advice yourself?' She asked while I remained in silence…

'I think we should better get back in… besides, I'm freezing…' I replied as I got up and made my way back to the living room.

* * *

Time flew by, and I spent my evening with the kids. I enjoyed their company and they enjoyed mine. I looked over to my parents, and went to join them later. Flynn had joined the conversation with both families. Aunt Mia, on the other hand, was talking to Clarissa, I guess she told her… from the look I saw on her face.

'So, when do you return to school Sera?' Aunt Kate asked.

'7th January… and I really don't feel like going!' I replied. 'Holidays are so great! Time, sleep, Relaxing, Studying, time to read, write, dancing…'

'Sounds quite exciting.' Uncle Elliot replied.

'Yeah it does.' I replied while I fell into quiet mode again, letting the adults converse between them. The kids came back beside me, and joined us. We remained into our conversation. They had such imaginations… I learned that the bogey man under the bed is afraid of tomato sauce, ghosts are afraid of scary monkeys and if you eat chocolate you'll become very tall.

I loved their theories… I wish I was still their age… but at least, today my parents seem better. I looked at them, and I smiled… for once, I saw my father produce a true smile.

'You smiled…' I said out of the blues, while all of them looked at me.

'What?' He replied sternly.

'I said you smiled daddy.' I repeated.

'Yeah… not because of you for sure.'

'Christian!' mum scolded.

'It's fine mum…' I replied as I sat the young ones on the ground and made my way to the bathroom. Why was he still being hard on me? All I said was that he smiled… did I say something wrong?

I looked towards the ceiling, and prayed hard. 'Please God, give me a sign on what to do! Please! I beg you! Please, listen to me! Or are you going to turn a deaf ear to me too?'

'God always hears you sweet heart…' Grandma Grace replied. 'Hey, don't cry honey… you know how Christian is… just give him more time.'

'More time? How much longer do I have to give him? I'm giving up…' I replied.

'Don't sweetie… It's the worst thing you can do…'

'Grandma, can I stay here tonight please? I don't want to go home… Just for tonight… please.' I begged her.

'Sweet heart you can stay here how much you want… my home is always open for you dear!' She replied as she hugged me tight.

* * *

'Christian, come with me.' Elliot said, as he moved to the corridor. 'What do you think you're doing?'

'What do you mean?' He asked him giving the stern look.

'Don't fucking play dumb with me Christian! Have you looked at your daughter lately? She looks sick… she's skin and bones, and you're still fucking holding on the fact that she went to the club?'

'Don't tell me how to raise my daughter Elliot, she's not yours.'

'Neither yours Christian! And at the rate you're going she won't be nobody's… she'll be in a coffin.'

'Don't you fucking dare tell me how I'm doing with my parenting skills.' Dad replied as he started to make his way out, but Uncle Elliot didn't allow him, he stopped him and pinned him to the wall.

'Either you're going to talk to her and settle things down, or I'm calling social services myself… I'll take her in my own custody if the need be.'

'Get off me Elliot!' Dad hissed, while Grandma Grace went in the see what all the racket was.

'What are you two doing here?' She asked as dad re-arranged his tie.

'Nothing mum… just discussing things.' Elliot answered.

'Get back inside… your wives are looking for you.'

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	30. Chapter 30

I decided to stay in the clearance from my parents. My mother was definitely angry with my father… but she didn't want to go against him… it's always the same thing… her being stuck between us… but at least she was being supportive… my mother was always different… on the other hand, my father seems to be fucked up. I don't understand what's going to take him to realise that I'm truly sorry for what I did… I wish I could get him to see pass that.

We continued to talk, and I joined Aunt Kate's and Uncle Elliot's conversation. They managed to make me laugh; forget some of the pain I was having.

'I remember till this very day! I never wanted to take vitamins, so I used to bribe my mother to buy me sweets in order to take them.'

'… and then what happened?' I asked engorged into the story.

'I caught him ditching the vitamins and eating only the sweets. That was the last day of his bribes.' Grandma laughed. '…I remember Christian laughed so hard when I caught Elliot that I had to separate them in different rooms.'

'… and then I came in.' Aunt Mia continued. '… I've always had this thing where I'm lost in my own word, and then I understand something different from what you tell me and I make my own stories.'

'…and?'

'Mum was shouting 'No more eating sweets young man… ' and the usual doctor stuff… then I came in and told them 'Eating feet?'' She replied as she sat beside me.

I laughed it out… they were so funny… so different when they were young. Aunt Mia had still remained the girl that loved shopping, being childish and is the cool one in the whole family. She was never afraid to say what she feels, and was never shy for sure to confront someone, whether on being a show off, a jerk or even an attention-seeker.

She's the youngest of the family, and the most sensible of all. Dad was always this control freak. He needed the power, the need that nobody goes against his orders. What was his problem in having things going against you? Life is full constant contradictions… why can't he just accept that maybe things may go the wrong direction every now and then?

While the whole family kept recollecting memories of the past years, I ended up zoning out to my usual world… What was I doing there? My father doesn't give a shit about me… my mother tries to be the Good Samaritan, the good doctor, tries in helping them both, and apparently it seems to be working… I just wish there is a button that I can switch on or switch off, and fix everything…

All of a sudden I feel a pinch in my arm. It was Walter

'What was that for?' I replied as I rubbed my arm.

'Sewwwa! I've been talkinwg to you…' He replied.

'Sorry… I was think sweetie…' I replied… 'What did you tell me?' I replied as I took a sip from my water.

'I saiwd that my favowite sowng is 'I like biwg butts.''

I totally didn't expect that. I chocked on my water, only to laugh at his answer. A 6 year old child knew about that song?

'Aren't you a little too young to listen to that type of music?' I replied while everybody around me laughed at Walter's answer.

'Nowww! I'm a biwgg man! Like my daddy! He loves that song!'

I was quite surprised at that news. I never took Flynn for those kind of music. I always imagined Flynn and Rhian to have the same likings as parents… Guess you cannot judge a book by its cover.

'It was actually the first song he laughed too.' Rhian answered. 'We were Old music MTV and as it came on, he started jumping and laughing.' She explained.

'What abowt youw Sewa? What music dow youw like?' He asked as he jumped on lap.

'Mhmm… that's a very trick question there kiddo… Right now, my current favourites are Wild ones and Whistle by Flo-rida, and Dark Horse by Katy Perry, but I also love and adore Taylor Swift. She's my utmost favourite.'

'But her songs are all about break-ups and boyfriends… and stuff.' Derek grumbled.

'That's what I love about them. She has a boyfriend, breaks-up and humiliates them in a song, but she also has another one about her mother, her father and her brother. It's called 'The Best Day' … It brings back so many memories.' I replied as I looked at my father, where he only looked down to his glass… I guess I did make his gut wrench a bit…

'So innocent!' Clarissa smiled.

'I'm not innocent!' I disagreed. I didn't want to seem the innocent, goody two shoes girl.

'Of course you are!' Grandma Carla agreed. 'And you shouldn't be ashamed of it.'

'Why do you like Dark horse?' Flynn caught me off guard.

'Well… the video says it all… men bring her gifts, she takes them, but they're not good enough for her… so she turns them into either dust or souvenirs.'

'So you view men as what?'

'Are you psycho analysing me Flynn?' I asked as I raised my eyebrow, while the room went into quiet mode.

'Maybe… and maybe not…' He continued as he rested his back to the couch. 'You said that you liked it when she turned them into dust… is that how you feel, wanting to change everything that bothers you into dust?'

I took my time to answer, because I had to choose the right words with the doctor here… if I didn't answer him, then he'll know… but if I answer wisely, I may get him off my back for a while.

'Let me ask you this… imagine… you were asked by someone that you didn't like… what would you have done? Gone out with her as a pitiful case? Or would you have turned her down?'

'Depends… I'd see what I have in it for me… I think I still would have gone out on a date with her as a trial… she may be different when she's in private…' He answered wisely.

'Fair enough… but what if it turned to be the other way round?'

'I would have ended the affair… not letting emotions build up…'

'Good… now you've just answered the question you asked to me.' I replied. 'Flynn, as you see we are not that different… you'd still give her the red card and back out… it's the same with a girl that doesn't like the guy… we happen to be girls, aka meaning that we love being spoiled whether we like the guy or not… if we don't see it to work, we break up with the guy and still hold on to the gifts… it's how it all works... and then the cycle starts over again with other men and other experiences… '

'So what you're saying is that women can be materialists.' He asked.

'Firstly, that's a statement Flynn.' I challenged. 'Secondly… no… not really… relationships are all feelings of euphoria and something above this world, especially when it's the peak of the relationship. So gifts are expected, but if the couple sees that it's not going to work, then why should they waste their time, when they can be with someone better?' I replied. 'They have plenty to lose…'

'You're mature for your age.' He replied as he sipped his liquor. '… but how do you feel with the way you want to turn things around?'

'That's a personal question.' I replied holding back. 'There are plenty of ways to deal with things… everybody has his coping mechanisms… Everybody has their own ways like I have… Taking you for example, you chose the line of psychiatry, which means that in the past you had something that troubled you, which when you got all better made you realise that you can help others, so you chose your line.'

'…and what makes you think that?' He replied squirming uncomfortably in his place.

'Flynn, you have manicured hands, clear eyes, and perfect face sculptures, meaning that you either came from a wealthy background, or either a model… I'd go with the first one, seeing as you have a beautiful wife and two lovely kids. Your strong grip in everything indicates that you over think everything… and the way you over analyse every word anyone says, means that you know all subtle meanings people do give… you don't have any dark circles under your eyes, so you don't have nightmares and no side effects or withdrawals from any drugs… but you take everything to heart when it comes to this family… you are invited to every get-together… you are invited at my home… and you always come with a positive attitude… you have a great relationship with my grandparents and they treat you as if you were their son… so my conclusion is… where you neglected in any way from your family? Your real family?' I asked as I felt everybody's eyes on us.

'Yes…' He answered. 'In all honesty I was… my mother died at a very early age, and I lived with my father, but he had to work to send me and my brother to school, but they died in a car crash when I was 18.' He continued comfortably. 'Where did you learn these things?' He asked intrigued.

'Flynn, all you have to do is observe. As Lucian Freud says, which I'm sure you're quite familiar with,

'_It is through observation and perception of atmosphere that he can register the feeling that he wishes his painting to give out.'_

We all give out vibes and ideas, and a presentation of ourselves, but think about it… Is it really us? We either find ways to deal with things, or we crumble under them… it's your choice in the end… but in any way… it's the philosophy of the person in context.'

'Fair point well made… but really Sera… when you say 'deal with things', what do you mean?'

'Flynn, it can be either way you want it… It could be control, lust, greed… anything… again it all depends on the person in context.'

'People should give you more credit… you may be young… but you're definitely not weak minded.' He replied as he took in my appearance.

'Thanks.' I smiled, while Walter started jumping up and down on my lap.

'Sewwwaaa! Awe youwww weady? Pwease can I pway with youwr phone?' He asked.

'No sweetie… I'm waiting for my friend to text me.' I replied slowly. '… but if you want I can play with you?'

'Yes pweeassse!' He replied while both Grandma Grace stood up.

'John dear, can you help me with the champagne please?' asked as she checked the time, and it showed 23.45.

* * *

'Soo…' My grandma asked, as she prepared 12 tall glasses.

'She astonished me… I must say… I never took her to be this insightful!' He replied as he opened two bottles of champagne. '…but she never answered any question directly… I'm afraid there is more to what she's saying.'

'Of course there is Flynn!' She replied. 'You had to see what the rape kit brought out. She had internal injuries…I had to stitch them up myself. She was all bruised, and I bet she still feels pain whenever she moves… her hymen was tore in 6 different places.'

'I'll try to talk to her again sometime… ' He replied as he helped grandma carry everything inside the living room.

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	31. Chapter 31

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR! It all starts that way… a new year... A new era... A new page... All were cheering and wishing love, prosperity and good things to come... Walter was jumping up and down on me and Ava wanted a piggy back ride. Derek on the other hand, remained beside me and came to give me a heart warming hug. I never knew that his embrace was this comforting... Guess kids can give you all the innocent love without expecting anything back... They still didn't know what life had in store... All the hate around... All the cheating, lying, deceiving... All that brought tears and teeth wrenching sensations... Guess it's all about that... That then form us into the people we are today.

I looked at my parents and I saw them kissing each other. My mother was smiling and so was dad... He held my mother's hand tightly into his strong ones. It was mesmerizing seeing them so madly in love... But a gut wrenching thought made me hazy again... How long was this moment between them going to last?.. I wish they would stay like this forever... All couples exchanged their affection... Uncle Elliot and Aunt Kate wished me the good year and both hugged me tight...

Flynn and Rhian came forward to collect their kids. They lifted them up and affectionately hugged them tight like there's no tomorrow. I finally decided and moved towards my parents...

'Happy new year mum…' I smiled as I hugged her tight. Her embrace was warm and I felt strangely calm and warm in her arms... It's been a bit since I felt that... I moved towards my father.

'Happy new year daddy…' I tried as I hugged him... But his arms remained where they were... They didn't come up and wrapped me from my waist taking me in his embrace... He remained there .. Cold... Unfeeling... I only had one last resort... I kissed him lightly on the cheek, but it was to no avail... He simply stood there... Not even caring that there was someone... He simply was there...

'Happy New Year...' his only reply was... Cold... No emotion... As if i was one of his 40,000 employees.

Soon, everybody started saying their goodbyes... Ava managed to fall asleep, and so did Walter. Clarissa had a green tint on her face... I concluded that she was suffering morning sickness from her hormonal imbalance... Wow... Pregnancy does come at a cost! Would I ever want that?...

* * *

'Thanks mum...' Dad told her as he hugged her.

'You're welcome Christian...' she replied... '...take care of yourself...' she cautioned.

'Will do mum...' he smiled as he turned to me. 'Sera, get ready' he ordered sternly.

'I'm staying for the night daddy... Already asked grandma...'

'Are you sure mum?' dad asked.

'Yes dear... It's been a bit since she had a sleepover... I'm glad my niece is staying with us...'

'Besides you two can use a night together' grandpa Carrick winked at him while dad smiled and mum blushed.

'She can stay in Mia's old room... We have spare pj's for her.' grandma Grace replied.

'... I'll send Taylor or Sawyer in the morning to pick her up...' dad said as he quickly wrote something on his phone.

'Let her stay for breakfast and lunch Christian... We'll take her our for sometime... She needs it.' grandma Grace suggested.

'Ok mum...' dad replied as my mother joined him and embraced each other. 'We're going then...'

'Good night mum, good night dad.' I said in a low voice behind grandma.

'Good night honey.' my mother replied as she came forward and kissed my forehead.

'Dad?' I asked gently.

'Good night...' he simply replied, while both left.

'Do you want some tea or coffee ladybug?' grandpa asked as he removed his shoes.

'Um... If you have I'd like herbal tea please.'

'Any flavour in particular?'

'Doesn't matter grandpa... I like everything...' I smiled... The alcohol had literally gone to my head... I felt a bit hazy, but not enough to get me drunk... Just enough to make my stomach feel a tad sick...

* * *

'John you found someone who isn't afraid to challenge you!' Rhian started.

'I didn't expect it to say the truth... She caught me off guard...' he replied.

'Like you caught her… She's wise.'

'Sharp witted the proper adjective.' He smiled.

'Christian is being a little too hard on her… if he'll keep this up any long he'll lose her emotionally.'

'Yes… I noticed that too… I'll be bringing it up next session.' John replied.

'You know… I enjoyed seeing Sera challenging you! Finally!'

'You're enjoying this aren't you baby…'

'Of course I am.' She replied as she gave him one of her sexy looks.

'The kids are sleeping… Challenge me tonight.' He replied in a hoarse voice.

* * *

'Would you like something to eat sweet heart?' Grandma asked, as I made my way down from the bathroom, after taking a shower and changing into the warm oversized pj's.

'No thanks… I stuffed myself earlier…' I replied as I sat down besides grandpa and sipped my tea.

'When?' Grandpa asked. 'I haven't seen you touch anything, and neither anybody has.'

'I'm just not hungry grandpa… don't worry… really… I'm fine…' I smiled.

'Ok Sera… but you should definitely get some rest.' Grandma stated.

'Um… do you mind if I go to the library and read a bit please? I'm still not that tired.'

'Yes ladybug… I'll help you chose some classic. What do you say?' Grandpa asked.

'I'd love that…' I smiled.

'…but don't take long! You need to sleep and rest.' Grandma replied.

* * *

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	32. Chapter 32

Confines of large stacks of books, with a duvet with me... That was always my favourite place in both my home and my grandma's home... The library gave me a sense of belonging, as books mesmerized me, letting me read them and immerse myself into the story, until my hunger for knowledge increases and continues to emerge. I keep turning the pages while reading in detail each and every word, taking in the author's notes... It was always my favourite time...

Grandpa Carrick also loved books... He had mainly founded the library, and introduced his love to literature to my father... I... On the other hand took in on their footsteps. I remember when I was younger, I used to go to the library with my dad, and we spent hours in there not knowing how times flew by, reading books, and spending time together. We used to do reading marathons...

Dad introduced me to Thomas Hardy, one of my mother's favourite authors, and since then, I always researched archaic British English reading... I love John Fowles, Edgar Ellen Poe, Shakespeare,.. They all give an intriguing story... Seducing their reader into their spell, till finally, I will turn the last were the 'The End' word is...

Grandpa, knowing exactly what types of books I liked, brought me a first edition of Shakespeare's most famous play Macbeth. It is one of my definitely favourite plays, as Macbeth is the person that everyone could relate to. The deceiving, the lust to succumb to evil... The fear of taking the throne away from him... The three witches which were the first part in contributing towards Macbeth's damnation... It is a mesmerizing book how Shakespeare told the story in such detail.

What we fail to understand is that every story had been told in some way or another. We hope for different endings, unpredictable ones… guess every writer contributes to that… until finally, we link every story, every novel to life…

* * *

The holidays quickly passed, and it was already two weeks since I've returned back to school. It was getting tiring every single day… having to fight through all the pain and aches… through the glares and stern looks… the stares with pity looks… when was it all going to end?

* * *

'Sera, are you coming?' Mark asked, as I set all my books in my messenger book.

'Um… yeah sure.' I smiled.

'Nat's holding the canteen table.'

'Remind me again… why did she ditch?' I asked curiously.

'Forgot to study for the test, and forgot her homework.'

'Double crap.' I smiled…

'Are you ok Sera?'

'Yeah… Why do you ask?'

'Well… Natalie mentioned something… and I'm kind of concerned.' He replied genuinely.

'I'm fine… Don't worry about it Mark.' I smiled as I opened the canteen door and saw Natalie waving at us.

We made our way towards her and joined her. She had already brought our lunches… I guess she did manage to ditch all queue.

'Thanks honey.' Mark replied as he kissed her passionately.

'Get a room you two!' I laughed.

'Don't say that again… we might get one.' Natalie answered back sarcastically as she raised an eyebrow, and looked seductively towards Mark.

'Ok, you two… stop it! You're making me uncomfortable.' I teased.

'You see anything you like Grey?' Natalie asked. 'What about that William guy in biology?'

'Nah… He has a girlfriend, and I'm too busy for guys.'

'All you do is work work work, dance dance dance and run run run.' Natalie joked. 'You should enjoy life.

'I will enjoy it, when I'll get rid of these exams.' I replied as I took out her notes. 'Here… and our teacher told me to tell you that you need a slip signed from your parents… and that you can be really loud when talking on the phone.'

'He saw me? Crap… now I have to dad that I ditched… or…'

'…oh… that or scares me from you Natalie… what are you planning in that brain of yours?'

'I can falsify the signature.'

'No Natalie… you know that nothing goes by Taylor without knowing!'

'True… but I can only try!... the least he can do is ground me… I'm already with Prescott…'

'… which reminds me… I haven't seen her around.' I answered back.

'No… dad said that he trusts me in school.'

'… and you think falsify his signature will make him trust you more? What if the school calls him?'

'Oh come on Grey! You're too uptight! You should let go a bit… you've changed a lot.'

'I have not…' I disagreed.

'Ok girls… cut it out… soon you'll be discussing PMS, and it sucks during lunch.' Mark joked as he dug in his mushroom tortellini.

The smell made me feel sick to my stomach. It was normal to not eat these days… it kept getting easier and easier to restrain… I didn't feel any remorse… I felt better whenever I restrained… it was finally all better…

'Aren't you going to eat that?' Natalie stated as she saw me not touching my dish, only working on my laptop.

'Um… I'm not hungry… I had a huge breakfast.' I quickly used the first excuse I could find.

'Breakfast has been 5 hours ago Sera… Come on… have some…' She insisted as she pushed the plate in front of me. 'It's good! And you love tortellini Sera!'

I thought about it… the only way I could get her off my back for a while is if I have some… I don't have to eat it all… I just have to have at least quarter of it… and then I can always purge… I smiled at the thought… and there were always laxatives to help… I took the fork slowly, and dug in slowly while I joined in their conversation… sometimes I wondered… why is it so important that I eat or not?

* * *

'Good afternoon Ana, Christian.' Flynn greeted my parents as they entered his office, and sat down on the couch, while Flynn joined them and sat in front of them. 'How are you?'

'Well… we're having some disagreements.' Mum started, as she gave a stare at dad.

'I told you I'm not talking to her for now.'

'You're still holding a grudge Christian?' Flynn asked.

'John, you know how I feel when people defy me… I gave her clear orders to follow… and look what happened… she brought this on herself.'

'Christian, I'm sure Sera didn't want to get raped… You have to understand that she is a 17 year old girl full of peer pressure, and doesn't want to be judged. She has to have the experiences other 17 year olds have.'

'Sera know that she has to follow the rules.' Christian kept proving his point.

'…and how do you feel about this?' John asked.

'I'm angry… for her being… raped…' He said as he closed his eyes. '…She cries at night… she screams… I can't imagine what that prick had done to her… she's damaged… he forced himself into her… she's still young… so innocent… the worry she has put me through… I want her to suffer like I am…' Christian continued.

'…and how do you plan on getting rid of this feeling?'

'I don't know… I just want to belt her down…' Christian replied as he closed his eyes in pain.

'You want to hurt our daughter?' Mum asked surprised.

'Don't look at me that way Ana! You know how I feel about corporal punishment… but I cannot do it… I won't be able to stop myself.'

'Christian, she's 17, and that's definitely not the attitude you should take on this… I'd suggest a suitable grounding would be appropriate…'

'…and what are we to ground her on?' Christian replied. '…all she does is read, dance, study and goes to run… the television grounding is a bit too old!'

'Maybe you'll restrict her internet use… she loves music… you can forbid her any type of music… or even having to do some chores around the house… but you are taking this a bit too far Christian.'

'I am talking to her… I just… can't seem to get this out of my mind… she's not only a daughter to me… she is the daughter that has been brutally abused…' Christian replied a he ran his hand through his hair. 'I look at her… and she seems… I don't know… she's different.'

'Christian I'm sure you've realized her physical state…' Flynn started while dad pursed his lips together.

'John… would you mind if you we bring her here next time… We won't tell her…we'll just bring her.' Mum suggested. 'She won't agree to any therapy…'

'I think it's best.' He replied back as he checked the time.

* * *

'Damn the bell rang… and back to the lessons.' Natalie grumbled.

'How long is Sera going to take in the bathroom?' Mark asked.

'I'll go check on her…' She replied as she took both our bags. 'Keep us a seat in biology baby.' She replied as she kissed him and made her way to the bathrooms.

* * *

I kept thrusting my fingers deep in my throat, wanting to get rid of anything I had to eat. It was getting painful at times. Tears messed up with my visions, and I didn't notice that the front door had opened.

Natalie heard my heaving sounds of vomiting… she knew what they were. She followed the sounds, and soon I heard a knock on the door.

'Sera? Are you alright?' She asked as she tried pushing the bathroom door.

I quickly stood up only to feel dizzy and cleaned up my fingers the best I could… I dried my tears and flushed the toilet and went out of the bathroom straight to the sink.

'Sera?' She asked again. 'Are you alright?'

'Yeah… yeah…' I smiled as I spit the water and dried my mouth.

'Were… were you throwing up?'

'Um… the pasta was a bit stale…'

'Sera, I had from the same dish… It wasn't stale. What's wrong?' She asked.

'No, I'm not pregnant if that's what you're thinking.'

'I know you're not… but… Sera please… talk to someone.'

'Natalie I'm fine.' I replied as I tried making my way out, but she quickly stopped me from my sleeve. She pulled it up and few cuts were revealed.

'What? What have you done?' She looked at me judgmental.

'Natalie… they're nothing…'

'Sera you're fucking cutting!' she replied again as she held my arm tighter in hers, and traced them over. She turned my hand and looked over my knuckles… my teeth had scratched the top of the knuckles, and she wasn't that stupid to realize everything. 'You're making yourself sick? Why?'

'Natalie please drop it!' I answered in tears.

'Sera, you're killing yourself! I knew there was something wrong… Last time you threw away the pancakes… and now this? Please Sera, please! For me! Talk to somebody!'

'Nat… I'm fine… I can handle it.'

'This is not fine! If you're not telling anyone then I will tell Grey senior.' She threatened. '…and you know how Christian will react if he'll know about this…'

'No Natalie, please you cannot do that!' I begged. 'He already doesn't talk to me… you cannot tell him! Please! He'll hate me for having an excuse of a daughter.'

'Sera, you are not an excuse of a daughter! He is the one that has to sort all his bull shit and you've been through thick and thin… but this? You're killing yourself slowly!'

'Natalie, please! I promise I'll talk to someone… just… keep it for yourself!' I begged her. I saw her overthinking it… she didn't know what to do… but I knew… I wanted to keep my secret away from everybody… 'Natalie you knew me all your life… you know when I promise you something I'll do it… just please! Promise me you won't tell, and I promise you I'll talk to somebody.'

'Ok… ok… you never lied to me… but you have to talk to somebody… you have to get better Sera!'

'I will… I promise!' I replied as I took my bag. 'Now let's go before we both get a detention.'

I managed to get her off my back… I felt guilty for lying to her… but I knew she wouldn't spill… her promises for secrets meant everything, and I could rest assured about that… but I had to pay more attention and cover my tracks better… now more than ever.

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	33. Chapter 33

After the whole ordeal with Natalie, I managed to convince her not to tell anyone. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but the guilt feeling didn't let me stay in quiet. I was never used to lie to my best friend… or hide for the matter… we're like sisters, and yet I cannot share my view on things…

Hours later, it was finally time to return back home. The days kept getting harder and harder with every breath I took. The thick iron tasting liquid kept returning into my mouth and throat but I couldn't tell anyone... I had to figure that out myself...

As I arrived home my parents were both in the kitchen having their late lunch as they had just arrived from Flynn… I greeted them but as usual dad kept giving me the cold shoulder. I was getting annoyed about it...

'Hi sera,' Gail greeted. 'Would you like some tea?'

'Yes please... ' I smiled '...and Taylor asked me to tell you to fill him this with coffee and something with it never harmed anybody.'

She smiled… she knew how Taylor worked... He never went on a day without his coffee or without his favourite lunch...a baguette...

My parents had almost finished their lunch when I joined then on the breakfast table...

'Hey sweet heart...' mum greeted. 'How was school?'

'It was... Interesting... But fun...' I smiled.

'How was the test?' she continued

'It was fine...' I replied as I sipped some tea. 'Can you sign this?' I asked as I pulled out a paper for the field work.

'What's that?' dad asked sternly.

'I think you have the rightful amount of intelligence to read dad.' I caught him off guard. I was getting fed up with his attitude and it was so damn tiring.

'I do... But I chose not to use it right now.' He replied again as he took his last piece of chicken.

'What the fuck is the problem with you?' I finally said. 'You don't talk to me... You don't even have the minimal respect...you're angry with mum... She doesn't deserve that.. you don't want anything to do with me.. It's better if you take that fucking knife and stab me with it... That way the pain would be way less than what you're inflicting now... What is it going to take to make you realize that I'm truly sorry for with I did? I know I'm not the daughter of the year.. But you're not the father of the month... In fact you haven't been a father for almost 2 months...so tell me... What do you want from me?.. Do you want to punish me? Can't you just punish me like normal parents and get this over and done with?'

'Be careful,what you wish for!' he replied with his CEO voice.

'CHRISTIAN'

'I didn't say it.'

'You know what? Fine dad... Do as you fucking like... There's always Taylor...'

'Sera!' mum scolded. 'That's not fair on your father! He loves you!'

'He's been constantly hurting me and you tell me? And he truly does have a weird way of showing his love... You know what dad? Go shove it up...

'Sera!' mum scolded again.

'Do as you like dad...'

'Sera.. Go to your room... I need to talk to your father.'

'yeah.. Like that ever worked between you two...' I replied as I took my bags and made my way up.

Gail stood there dumbstruck with my outburst... I was so angry and hurt at my father that I was tired of taking his crap.

I went straight in my room chocking my tears on the pillow... I was tired of taking everything... I wanted all the pain to end... All the pain to subside...

Gail came beside me she knew what it meant when my temper finally explodes... It meant that I had been taking it for so long!...

* * *

'Christian, your daughter just poured out everything to you and you're just standing there?'

'Ana she need to learn the for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction!'

'But not this way!'

'I'll talk to her...when the time is right...'

'Ok fine… You don't talk to her you don't sleep with me... Take the guest room tonight Grey!'

'Ana you can't be serious!'

'Just watch me!'

'Ana you were pissed off ...

'...but instead of holding on to that I am trying to see past it Christian... Aren't I angry and pissed off that she put herself in danger, lied to us, ditched us, left her phone, went clubbing, and remained without security? Hell yes I am... But I know what a teenager feels and goes through! Especially a teenage girl!'

'Ana...'

'Don't Ana me Christian... Tonight you'll be staying either in the guest room or the couch... Your choice... But not in the same bed with me…' mum angrily replied as she left him alone..

'FUCK'. He cursed as he placed his for with a clutter.

'Cursing won't solve anything Christian... Talking to your own daughter will...'

* * *

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	34. Chapter 34

The days seemed to becoming harder... I tried holding on to better days... At least that is what the voice inside of me told me

_'Hold on to me, and we'll get sronger_

_Let me make you perfect._

_It is us who will be perfect_

_Hold on to me and you'll be happy_

_Hold on to me and you'll be free'_

Those words kept crawling and creeping into my mind... Little I knew what was going on around me... I hear my parents argue, and we still, never address the elephant in the room... It is always their ways... It is always they being right... At least, their relationship was getting on better...

Dad still didn't want to talk to me... It's almost been a month from... And he still doesn't want to face me... If I ever had doubt about his love to me...now I was sure... He hated me… and he has the right reasons to do so... I just wish to grow up older and find a place of my own... Getting rid of everyone... The only reason why I stay is because of Natalie, Taylor and Gail... And for the simple reason of hope that maybe my father and I would finally talk.

I kept brushing my hair lightly trying to not lose any curl, but soon had to take in one of my worst fears. Clumps of hair started to stick to the brush, and when I passed my fingers lightly to my hair, strands of light copper brown hair where back into my hand. It couldn't be… No! Not my hair!...

'Sera?' My mother said as she entered the room.

'Yes mum?' I quickly said as I hid the brush from her.

'Gail is doing shopping today… do you need any toiletries?'

'Um… no thanks…' I smiled as I stood up and went to get my laptop.

'You didn't need any for the past 4 months!' Mum replied as she went forward to get my school diary. 'You haven't had a period in 5 months?'

'Mum… It's fine… I'm just stressed.'

'Maybe we should make a visit to Dr. Greene.'

'Mum, I'm not having some guy looking at me down there.' I replied while she laughed.

'It's a she, and besides, I need to go myself!' She replied, as she came forward and ruffled my hair, while dropping a kiss on my forehead.

'Um… Mum… will dad ever talk to me again?'

'Don't worry kiddo! Soon he will! You know how your father is!'

'Till now all I know is that he can hold a grudge for so very long!'

'…but he loves you… maybe… you shouldn't be so hard on him either…'

'What do you mean?'

'Sweet heart, you have never talked to him about anything! No guy problems, you haven't talked to him about your nightmares… you always come to me… don't get me wrong… I understand that you want to discuss things with your mother… but he's your father… you're his baby girl… maybe you shouldn't be so hard on him…' she suggested.

'…but I cannot discuss certain things with him! He's a man… and you're a woman… you had the same feelings I have when you were younger.'

'Your father wants to be there for you… Just open up to him! He may soften up for being honest with him…' She smiled.

'Ok… I'll try mum.' I replied as I hugged her.

'Now go get ready… Taylor is waiting for you.' She replied, as she went out of the room.

* * *

What did my mother mean with those words? Opening up to dad?.. I mean yes... I always talk, with my mother... Did I make it this way? Maybe it is my fault that he's this cold...

'Sera!...' Natalie started, bringing me out of my thoughts.

'Yeah...' I replied as I mixed the water and sodium carbonate for dilution.

'You have to mix it with the acid first to 100cm^3 then up to 250cm^3 with water.' She replied as she showed me the lab report procedure...

'Dammit...'

'Your head is in the air today Grey...' she said again until Thompson stopped us.

'Ms. Taylor, Ms. Grey if you have something to say, please share it with the whole class, else shut it...' she continued.

She's a young teacher... Just graduating a year ago... And yet she seemed one of the oldest strictest teacher... Nothing went by her without her noticing... not even a single word. I remember when her mother used to teach us... She was strict... And worse than her... Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

'Greyyy!' Natalie said again, this time pinching me to get my attention.

'Ouchhhhh!' I replied as I rubbed the pinch 'What was that for?'

'For you to get back to earth...'

'Sorry.'

'Are you ok? You look a little pale...' she asked concerned as she saw me resting to the bench.

'Aren't I always pale?'

'Not yellow dead looking!'

'I'm fine Nat!'. I whispered back as Thompson passed in front of us. 'Pass me the acid please' I requested as she handed me the stock solution.

'How are things with Grey senior?' she asked again as she copied the notes I followed...

'... He's still mad at me...' I replied as I mixed the new amounts and let them react. 'Mum mentioned something about opening up to him... And about me pushing him away... She said that dad feels left out... Guess I do deserve it..'

'No you don't!' she confronted. 'They need to understand if anything!'

'Natalieee!' I desperately said as I brought the measuring cylinder while she handed me the distilled water bottle.

'Why don't you talk to someone?'

'...and say what?' I replied as I shook the volumetric flask making sure the solution is homogeneous.

'I don't know... Maybe I'll go with the obvious... About your feelings?'

'What about them?' I asked as I brought the burette and washed it thoroughly.

'Come on! Don't play dumb!... Let's start with what happened that night!.'

'Natalie I don't want to talk about it..'

'Sera, you were fucking raped!' she whispered angrily.

At her words I closed my eyes and his face was there again. I couldn't let this get to me... Not now... I felt angry... More than hurt...

'Don't you think I know that?' I replied equally as angry as her... '...but instead of keeping in mentioning it... I'm trying to forget it...'

'You need to talk to someone and deal with it first!' she reasoned.

'Natalie drop it...' I replied as I took bulb pipette and pipette filler and filled 25cm^3 of the solution from the volumetric flask and transferred it to the conical flask. 'Look... I'm sorry... I'm just having a hard time.'

'I know... But know that I'm always here for you...' she smiled.

'I know...' I replied, returning her gesture.

' , , I'm not telling you the third time!'

'Sorry Ms. Thompson.' I apologized

'Hand me the phenolphthalein please!'

I placed two drops of the indicator and after filling the burette to the 50cm^3 mark. I took the retort stand and clamp and clamped everything to its rightful place.

I felt my hands shaking but hid it immediately from Natalie... She would have busted me. I continued through with the titration and as I reached the end point I stopped the burette tap and took the readings. Natalie was lost texting from underneath her desk to Mark. Thompson had changed their places, after they had been continuously talking during the lessons. He was few desks away from her, and yet, they still felt the need to communicate. Her relationship was going from good to great!... And I was happy for her...

The voices were fading, the floor spinning. I felt my body go numb. I quickly placed the conical flask on the bench... I felt my body going limp...

'Sera, are you alright?' that was the last thing I heard.

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* * *

A little note for anyone wondering about the characters. The characters are a blend from the movies and series.

A secret between friends  
Perfect Body  
Little Girls in Pretty Boxes  
The Best little Girl in the World  
For the Love of Nancy  
Dying to Dance  
Sharing the Secret  
Make it or Break it  
Degrassi High  
Hollyyoaks...


	35. Chapter 35

I fell to the ground... I felt nothing... Just emptiness...

* * *

**Natalie's POV**

'Ms Thompson!' Mark and I shouted, while she still was discussing things with Jeremy. 'Msss!' we tried again while I went beside her removed her scarf and lab coat… 'Mssss!'

'Just a second!' she replied to the commotion.

'Ms! Sera fainted!' Luke shouted again while Thompson noticed Sera's lifeless body on the ground.

'Go get the nurse' she ordered as she checked her pulse. 'Dammit it's weak.'

'What happened?' Nurse Mandy said as she saw her unconscious.

'Passed out.'

'Sera, can you hear me?'. She said while she damped a tissue and cooled her face. 'Call 911! NOW!' She ordered.

I was still in shock about what happened. I knew her secret and yet, I didn't tell anybody. What if I made it worse? What if I pushed her to the limit? Her face looks sunken… He chest bones and collar bones are protruding. This wasn't the Sera I knew… This is another person… someone that once was full of life and energy to give.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

'Mr Grey, you have a phone call.' One of my secretaries said.

'Pass it through.' I replied in a stern voice as my desk phone rang. 'Grey..'

'Mr. Grey, we're from St. Peter's school, calling on behalf of your daughter.'

'What happened?' I replied as panic rose in me.

'She fainted in class, her teacher called for an ambulance, she's been taken to the hospital now.'

'Dammit!' I replied. 'Thanks.' I continued as I hung up while I took my keys and dialled Ana.

'Pick up pick up pick up...' I continued on repeating, while I made my way out, where finally she picked up.

'Fuck Ana! Would it kill you to answer your damn phone?' I greeted.

'Wow! Way to greet your wife Christian! I was in a meeting... It just ended...'

'Listen I don't have much time, Sera fainted and the school called for an ambulance... She's still unconscious... I'm leaving for the hospital now...'

'What? How?' she asked in worry.

'I don't know... Listen go home and get her some clothes and pj's... ' I continued as I climbed my Porsche and started my car. '... I'll stay with her till you arrive.'

* * *

We arrived together and for once I truly looked at her. I stood there dumbstruck at what once was my daughter… She now had a fully emaciated body. I didn't notice about this... I was too self-loathed that I didn't even know what was going on... I passed my hands through my brown hair, and tears streamed down my face. I rested my back to the wall, where I saw both Taylor and Ana entering.

'What happened?' Ana asked as she saw me broken.

'She... She's in the emergency room' I replied weakly.

'How is she?'

'How could I not notice? How could I do this to her?' I replied broken, as I moved towards the vending machine.

'What are you talking about?' Ana followed along with Taylor.

'Go take a look for yourself...' I replied, while she did as she was asked.

I felt broken... I couldn't deal with the anger... I was too much caught up in whatever I was feeling that I didn't notice the self-destruction my own daughter did to herself. I held to the wall for support.

'Sir. Are you alright?' Taylor asked as me as he followed me.

I felt anger building up in me... I couldn't control anymore... I punched the wall, and Taylor quickly went in full protection mode. He held me and restrained me from doing any more damage, and slowly dragged me out.

'Sir, you need to calm down!' Taylor ordered.

'How... How did I not notice this? How did I let this happen?' I confessed.

'Sir, it's no use on dwelling on the past... What you need to do is to be there for her now...'

'What if she doesn't love me anymore? I failed her!'

'It won't be easy... But she needs you more than ever now!'. Taylor replied while I slid down to the floor and buried my face. 'Sir, it's no use meddling with the past, you have to move forward!'

'How can I Taylor? She's... I didn't recognize the signs!... How stupid did I have to be?'

'Sir, she needs you with her right now... Why don't you go beside her?' he suggested...

'No... I can't go face her...' I replied as I stood up, and made my way out.

'Sir...'

'I have to go Taylor... Stay with her...'

'Sir..' Taylor replied.

'Please... I just need some time...'

I needed some time… I couldn't deal with this. Ana had warned me that this may happen… Flynn had tried making me see everything… but it was to no use. Elliot attacked me harshly on New Year's Eve… and yet I was still caught in my things that I was too busy to be there for her. How could I not notice? How could I do this? What kind of a father am I? One thing I didn't want to leave unattended… My daughter has to have the best care… I quickly took out my phone and dialed my mother.

'_Hello Christian… Is everything ok?' She answered with her sweet caring voice._

'Mum… I screwed up!' I answered desperately.

'_What happened son?'_

'Sera… she fainted in school… she's still unconscious…' I replied.

'_Where is she?'_

'In the emergency room… could you please go down to her… I don't trust anyone except you…'

'_Yes… sure… but Christian… you know what's wrong… we've been trying to tell you…'_

'I know mum… but… Please help her!'

'_Where are you?'_

'I just need some time…'

'_Christian don't you dare leave your daughter alone! This time I myself will take her from you. She needs you!'_

'I know mother… I just need to care for some business first.'

'_Ok… I'm going down now…'_

'Thanks mother…'

'… _and you better call John son… she needs to be in therapy ASAP!'_

'Anything to save her mum.'

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	36. Chapter 36

**Grace's POV**

I went down as I promised my son. I could presume what happened… She fainted from exhaustion… Clearly she had been pushing herself for too long now and I don't think it will be easy for her to get back on her feet… It never was.

I entered the room, but for sure wasn't prepared for what I was going to see. As a doctor, I've seen everything… but Sera is my granddaughter, and I couldn't possibly think her state was taken that far... Her face was sunken and she was grey colour looking, her bones were protruding and her nails were purple, and she looked more like an 8 year old… How did we all miss this?

'I couldn't let this get to me… I have to fulfil my promise to both my son and her…'

* * *

'What do we have?' I said as I grabbed her chart and started reading.

'Passed out, low blood pressure and a heart attack…' Dr Weinberg stated as he intubated her. '…brought on by too much strain on her heart and organs.'

'What?' I replied, while he showed me her hand. Teeth markings were on her knuckles… it clearly is bulimia… but she only starved herself… at least that's what I thought?

'…and these…' He continued as he shown me her wrist… cuts covered her arm… this wasn't right… nobody noticed… not even me nor Carrick…

'She had a stomach ulcer?'

'… not healed properly… which brought a blood clot… we've just drained it.' He replied as he stuck an IV in her arm. 'Grace, are you ok?'

'Yeah…' I replied still in shock.

'You know the patient Grace?' He asked again.

'She's my granddaughter…'

'You cannot…'

'I'm staying… she needs someone…' I replied. 'I'll notify the parents about everything…'

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I'm her father… how could I not see this? I've seen this in two other of my submissives and sent them straight to Flynn for them to get help… and I didn't even notice this in my daughter? Elliot warned me… My mother and Flynn warned me… and look where I am… I'm stuck in this place… What if she doesn't love me anymore? I've pushed her away for so long. She's a human and she can hold a grudge…

I told Ana I wasn't ready to be a father… I've told her millions of times… but she convinced me that I could be a good one… and look at us now… she's fighting for her life… or giving up on it… and I'm here… surrounded by what? By my fifty shades… the continuous excuse that Ana tells me I keep using…

Maybe I shouldn't be near her… maybe I should leave…

'_Christian don't you dare leave your daughter alone! This time I myself will take her from you. She needs you!'_

No… I can't… I don't want anyone to take her away from me… but I have to make this better… tough love? Maybe it will work…

I took out my phone and quickly dialled John.

'_Flynn…' he answered._

'Hi… it's Christian…' I answered chokingly.

'_Christian… is everything ok?'_

'No… It's… its Sera… she fainted in school… my mother thinks it's anorexia…'

'_Ohh… Christian… we've tried warning you about this!'_

'I know… I know… Listen… do you have a minute? She needs therapy ASAP…'

'_Are you going to put your feet down on this and send her to therapy whether she wants it or not?'_

'Yes… yes… It's time that I'll take this into my hand… There won't be a discussion… She'll be coming to therapy…'

'_Ok… In what room is she?'_

'I don't know…'

'_What do you mean?'_

'I couldn't stay there John… I need to think.'

'_Christian… this is what I've always tried to explain to you. When you have a problem you tend to hide and escape from it… This is about your daughter… you need to be there for her…'_

'I know… I'm making my way to the hospital…'

'_Good… I'll call Grace and ask her… however, I need to talk to you and Ana before I start therapy with Sera.'_

'Yes… sure…'

'… _and Christian… don't do anything you'll regret…'_

'I won't…'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

_I keep running… running and never looking back… there's someone behind me trying to catch me… blood is everywhere… I hear people screaming… I hear my mother's voice and I run towards her… I see her for a moment… but every time I get close to her, she keeps backing away. Her hand gets farther away. I keep running, while I feel a dark shadow reaching up to me. I soon see dad beside my mother… but he too keeps moving away from me… _

_I feel myself slowing down… tired of running… tired of everything… the dark shadow finally reaches up to me… I stop… looking at the shadow… I notice it's not a shadow anymore… it's a person… wearing a robe… a dark one covering her face. _

'_Take my hand girl… Everything will be ok… I promise…'_

_I look towards my parents, but they're still moving away from me… I shout to them… but they don't seem to hear me… I see them holding their hand out… and yet… they still keep backing away… I look towards my side, and there is Natalie… she comes beside me… and she's also holding her hand out to me… but she soon starts moving away with the others._

'_Everyone left you alone… IT's time Sera…' The dark robed person said again._

'_Who are you?'_

'_You know me… Just take my hand… You know I'll help you… You only have to listen to me…'_

'…_but who are you?' I asked again, while she took her robe off her head… and there it was… It was me…_

'_Don't you recognise me Sera?'_

'… _You're… you're me!'_

'_Yes… I am… just take my hand Sera… and we'll be perfect… come with me… and everything will all be ok… I promise… you only have to believe in me.'_

'_I'm scared…'_

'_I know… just take my hand… and you won't be scared anymore… and I'll make you forget all the pain… I'll never leave you alone… I'll always be there for you… I promise.'_

_She kept holding her hand to me… and moving towards me. I knew what I had to do… Slowly I reached out for it… and soon, my hand was in hers… the road started spinning… the walls crumbled, and a large round wall was built around me… I couldn't see anything… except dark… voices around me screaming into my ears… I placed both of my hands to my ears… trying to block everything… but it was to no avail… I crumbled to the floor… and let everything go… I succumbed to everything._

* * *

I opened my eyes, and was glad that it was a dream. I took in my surroundings… the antiseptic smell hit my nose, and it made me a bit sick. I took in my arm… and it was hooked too some wires… I realized that from my mouth, there was a pipe, and in front of me… there was my grandmother. She noticed I was up, and came forward to me.

'Hey sweet heart…' She smiled weakly. 'We had to intubate you… you weren't breathing on your own… but we can remove it now.' She continued as she placed a new pair of gloves and removed the tape from my lips. 'Now breathe out for me…' She instructed as she pulled out the tube. I coughed hard as I felt the tube coming out of my throat. It wasn't a walk in the park.

'What happened?' I replied slowly, as my throat was still hurting while she brought me a glass of water.

'You fainted Sera… you suffered a heart attack…' She replied as she helped me take in the water. '…brought on my continuous strain on your heart whenever you vomited.'

I tried talking but she stopped me immediately.

'Sera… I've noticed what you've been doing for a very long time… It's no use telling me you're fine… You barely have the energy for your body to barely function properly…'

'I'm sorry…'

'You don't have to be Sera… you're sick…'

'I'm not grandma…' I replied as she went back to my chart and looked towards me.

'Sera… we've noticed the cuts on your arm.' She started while she clearly saw fear into my eyes.

'Have you told mum and dad?'

'I soon will…'

'No… Please! Grandma don't!'

'Sera…'

'Grandma… if you tell them they will blame themselves!... I cannot do that to them. It would tear them apart…'

'Sweetheart, they are your parents and they need to know!'

'No grandma! Please don't! I'll do anything you want me to do! Just please don't tell them!' I begged her… 'I promise I won't ever do it again… just please! Don't tell my parents!'

She thought on it for some time before she replied again.

'Please Grandma! Please!'

'Ok… ok… I won't tell them… for now!'

'Thanks Grandma…'

'Wait Sera… I haven't finished…' She continued. 'You have to start therapy, and I have to check your arms each and every week… I have to see myself that your arms are healing…'

'Ok… I'll do anything you want grandma! For as long as you don't tell my parents about this…'

'Flynn is outside… he wants to talk to you…'

'Does it have to be now?'

'Yes Sera… you need to start therapy as soon as possible.' She replied again as she signed some papers.

'Ok… ok…'

* * *

'How is she?' Flynn asked grandma as she went outside.

'Not good…' She replied as she handed me her file…

'She's 17!'

'I know…' She replied while Flynn stared at her as he took in the photos of my cuts. 'Yes… I didn't know it was this bad.'

'I knew she was anorexic… but this?'

'One other thing… I promised her that we won't tell her parents about the cuts for now…'

'Grace you know we cannot do that!'

'For now! Give her some time… then we'll tell them…'

'Ok…' Flynn replied as he came into my room.


	37. Chapter 37

Back at home it was a constant war... Between me and myself... Between my control and my parents... Dad was getting on his nerves... I didn't know what to do to make him feel any better... I wanted to make it all right... But I couldn't... This thing in me ate me completely... It controlled me... I didn't control anything these days... Not even myself...

'Are you going to eat that?' Dad asked

'I'm not hungry...'

'You're never hungry...' he said in anger as he dropped his fork with a huge clutter. 'Are you enjoying worrying your mother and me? Is that what you want? Killing us slowly?' he said while I remained in quiet. 'Answer me!'

'I'm not doing that... I don't mean to hurt you...'

'You know what? The only advantage is that if you die, we won't spend much on a coffin...'

'CHRISTIAN' mum scolded as he left the room.

'He didn't mean it dear!' she said as she came forward and hugged me... 'He's worried... Like, I am...'

'He has a very strange way in showing his worry...' I replied in tears. 'Please, may I be excused...'

'Yeah... Sure...' she said wanting to at least give me some time.

I needed to find a quick relief, and all I wanted to do was cut... Do a deep cut that would relief all the pain I felt.

I went straight up to my room and locked the door behind me... It was no use fighting anymore... It was no use in trying anymore... My father literally thought of me dead... I know I'm not the daughter of the year, but that doesn't mean he should be that hard.

I took the blade and dragged it across my skin. I felt stinging and sharp pain that relieved everything. I finally did it, but soon my mind was filled with fears… I knew my grandmother would search over my arms… and if she didn't… Flynn would…or would he?

* * *

Later that day, Taylor drove me to Flynn… and after 5 minutes of waiting into the waiting room, his door opened, letting me in. I didn't know what to expect into therapy… was it going to be boring? Invasive? I didn't know… guess I had to discover.

'Come in Sera…' Flynn greeted with a smile, while he moved to the plants in his office. 'Please… sit… no need to be shy… we have no formalities between us…' He continued as he smiled and poured some tea for him. 'Do you want some?' He asked while I shook my head. 'So… What can I do for you Sera?'

'What do you mean… Flynn?' I asked not knowing exactly what he meant.

'John… you've known me all your life and you still don't call me John… Why is that Sera?' He asked in curiosity as he came back to sit down in his chair.

I thought for a second… I didn't want to hurt him… it had more to do because of his job. He's a psychiatrist… meaning that he knew all the tricks… he knew how people were… I just couldn't let him realize everything, however finally I decided to answer back… He would be more suspicious if I don't…

'It's… um… You're a psychiatrist… I just didn't want the informality for you to be able to read me… I like privacy…' I replied as I let my head drop down.

'I see…' He smiled. '… you don't have to be shy about it… I understand how you may feel…' He answered kindly. '…Generally, people who come here have a problem that they want to straighten out. What's your problem?' He continued as he rested his back to the chair.

'I don't have any problems…' I answered quickly.

'Ohh… ok…'

'It's… um… my grandparents and my parents… they think I'm losing too much weight…'

'Your parents think that…so they want to help you put on some weight…'

'Mhmm…'

'Ok… and what do you want?'

'I don't know… what do you mean?'

'Well, if you decide to come here and have therapy with me… what do you want?'

'I'm all new to this Fl… John… I don't know…'

'Do you want me to get to know you?'

'Why?'

'So I can share your feelings… your thoughts… your fears… so you won't feel so alone and distant from everyone…'

'What if I still don't know what my problems are?' I asked as I let my head drop down again.

'Well… hopefully, we can find them out together… We won't see them clearly today… but we'll see sings of them…'

'Oh…' I replied almost scared… I never let anyone in… I never let anyone know what I'm truly feeling… and all of a sudden I have to change everything? '… like what?' I answered almost panicking.

'Like being uncomfortable… not being able to eat… not being able to stop eating… tell me… how many times a day do you vomit?'

'I don't…' I quickly answered… not wanting to let him in.

'Now listen Sera, if you don't want to tell me something, say so, but don't lie to me… because if this is going to work, I'm going to have to invade your privacy as much and as often as I can because the only way I can help you is by knowing. There are no right or wrong answers in therapy… there is only the way you feel.' He answered explaining everything… It was getting worse and worse by the minute. 'So, what do you think? Do you want to come back? Say twice a week?' He asked.

Deep down I wanted to say no… I truly did… I still wasn't ready to talk about anything… I just wanted to deal with things my own way… but I had to keep the promise I did to grandma… at least for my grandparents… 'Yeah… I guess so…' I replied as he smiled.

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	38. Author's Note

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE**_

Firstly I would like to thank you all for your kind reviews. You've been all really motivating.

Secondly... I'd like to answer some Reviews that guests have left.

Guest : Yes, I do read your reviews one by one... and I do take notes of all of them in detail. CG will finally get into his mind very soon... there has to be one incident before, but don't worry... All will be well... I will speed it up don't worry! :)...

Guest : I won't skip any conversations with Flynn... they are my most favourite, as they're quite calm and don't have a lot going on around.

Guest : Yes, I know what a heart attack is too... If you read correctly, you will notice that I skipped a lot for a reason and I started the chapter by 'Back at home...' and continued by writing '...didn't control anything these days.' I was hinting that some days had passed, and also I did that for a reason. In future chapters, there is going to be flashbacks of when Sera was in hospital, and after she was discharged. Most importantly, I think you should watch 'The Best Little Girl in The World.' There are reference to 'PARENTS' in most of Casey's lines... especially when she talks to Dr Orlovsky. The word PARENTS is used instead of mum and dad...

I think you should read my chapters well... I've started using POV's more often. I think you are the same reviewer that had told me herself/himself about POV's because I didn't moderate that one as yet. ALSO... it is a fanFICTION! And nothing is true. Yes, doctors do take oaths. (I know because I'm in that sector.), however, you seem to forget the fact that Grace IS Sera's grandmother. She will have ethical debates within herself, whether she should tell the Christian and Ana or not. Grace needs to gain Sera's trust... however don't worry about it, Grace will still end up telling Christian in some other way, which will bring Christian to realize everything. Both Christian and Ana will make their own little intervention. Again, watch the movie reference I have placed in previous chapters.

You don't need to show off and be mean to give your opinion. We live in a civilized democratic country, and I think you should learn how to voice your opinion properly. The chapters are more the result of thoughts all the characters have... and as you may know... NO THOUGHTS ARE COHERENT.

After saying all that, I'd like to thank you for your criticism. I WILL take all your suggestions to heart, because I believe they will make me a better writer.

Food for thought... Don't be so PESSIMISTIC. You posted the review as a Guest, so I'm guessing that you don't write and post it.

Reviewers in General : I thank you all for your support and your motivation to continue writing. It's one of my favourite hobbies. I will continue to update this story until it's all finished. Thanks again for your time you ALL take to read my story. I hope my chapters are all to your standards.

Enjoy :) ... and Please... REVIEW! :) :) ...


	39. Chapter 38

**Christian's POV**

Flashback: Thursday – 8 days after Sera's discharge from hospital.

'_Mr. Grey…' One of my secretaries started as she entered my office. _

'_Yes Samantha.'_

'_Mrs. Grey would like to speak to you.'_

'_My wife?' I asked surprised. She doesn't visit much. She likes to keep everything in place. Work for itself and private life as another aspect._

'_No Christian.' My mother said as she entered._

'_You can go Samantha.' I ordered as I stood up and moved towards my mother. 'What brings you here mum?' I asked her as I kissed her cheek._

'_I need to talk to you Christian… and it's the best time.'_

'_What's wrong?' I replied as we both sat down on the office couch._

'_As Sera's grandmother, I couldn't say anything. I had to get her to cooperate… but I can't keep this from you…'_

'_What is it?' I insisted, while she brought out some papers from her briefcase._

'_This is what I mean Christian…' She replied as she handed everything to me._

'_What are these mum?' I asked inquisitively. _

'_When Sera was admitted, we found cuts all over her arms…' She started while I pursed my lips. '…Christian, let me finish… I couldn't tell you earlier as a' patient doctor' confidentiality.'_

'_Fuck! Mum she's underage! She's not even 18!'_

'_I know Christian! I know… I took full responsibility of everything. I had to get her to trust me so she'll start therapy…'_

'_Mum you can't keep information from me or Ana about our daughter.' I replied angrily._

'…_but you can keep pushing her away? Christian we both did wrong, but at least I tried bending the rules for her to listen.'_

'…_and what are these papers?'_

'_I've gathered some information for you and Ana to look at…' She started. '… Self-harm may represent itself in many forms, and it could be done for various reasons. In Sera's case it could be a cry for help… coping mechanism… releasing of pain…' She continued while I closed my eyes in pain. I couldn't imagine the pain my daughter was going through to take the knife and drag it across her arm. All to what… release emotional pain to physical pain?_

'_Mum… did you at least tell John about this?'_

'_Yes… and we've agreed to talk to her before talking to you… We wanted to give her time to get her to trust us. I made her a promise that I won't tell you unless she starts therapy.'_

'…_and what made you come and tell me now mother?' I replied as I stood up and paced along. '…you clearly made the decision before you even considered telling us about it!'_

'_Christian you have to understand… I know my judgement wasn't correct… but what did you expect me to do? I knew how you were going to behave! You make everything about you… you always were like that…'_

'_What am I supposed to do now mother?' I replied lost._

'_Christian you need to treat this problem as a family… Ana told me you're trying to deal with this with tough love.'_

'_You and dad always worked on things with us three like that.' I reasoned._

'_But you were different Christian… you never starved yourself… and you never cut! Tough love won't solve anything…'_

'_How… how did it get so bad? When did it get so bad?'_

'_Christian, we won't know that… John will be able to pinpoint anything at the right time.' She continued as she came and held me from my shoulders._

'_What should we do?'_

'_You have to make her feel loved… I know you were still caught up on her for sneaking…'_

'_How can I not be mother? Look what happened! I have security and rules for a reason!'_

'_I know Christian… but she's a teenager!'_

'_I was one and Mia was too…'_

'_Have your father and I ever sat you with security 24/7 on your tail Christian?' She asked as she searched for my eyes. 'Christian, I know you're afraid to lose her…'_

'_Mum, I'm afraid it's too late…'_

'_Christian it's never too late… but she needs all the help she can get.'_

* * *

My mother's words kept creeping back into my mind. I never realised it had become this bad. I closed my eyes in defeat, bringing back yesterday's thoughts. I told her about not wasting too much money on a coffin. What have I done? I don't want her to die!

Pictures of her face kept creeping with those of Ana. Both smiling and having the time of their lives. I remembered the time when we went on a cruise and she was still very young to comprehend the joy and beauty of the places we visited the art we took in. All she wanted to do was play in the pool. I remembered her dragging me and pulling me from my arm, until I went with her and taught her how to properly swim. Ana's face used to light up when Sera managed to get me all wet and messed up my hair. My favourite of all was when she pretended to be asleep, and both Ana and I bribed her for ice-cream to wake up.

We all used to crash in the living room watching movies and play games. I remember when we played hide and seek. Ana and Sera compromised on their tactics to throw me off, until one of them used to run to the column shouting 'Save All'. We had it all, until my screw up… I should have never let Elena in that day… Never! I shouldn't have contacted her in the least. What had gone into me to do that fuck up?

'Christian!' Ana said again as she brought me out of my thoughts.

'Hey honey…'

'Are you ok Christian? I've been looking all over for you.'

'I'm just thinking Ana.' I replied as she moved forward to my desk and turned the rotatory chair.

'I know that look Christian… What is bothering you?' Ana asked as she sat on my lap.

I remained in quiet for a minute, while she encouraged again. 'Come on… you know you can tell me baby.'

'Ana… we screwed up… I screwed up… We let our relationship problems come in between this family… it tore us apart…'

'Christian…'

'No Ana… let me finish… I've never been able to tell you this… but I think it's time…' I replied as I held her hands into mine. 'Ana, I swear to God, that Elena and I never done anything. Yes I called her, and the reason was that you were spending too much time with that… that 'fucker' of a Jack. I thought you were jerking him off… I thought you were cheating. I needed refuge… and she was there… a click away…' I started. '…but then I realized what I did wrong. She pulled me to her. I never wanted to cheat… I never wanted to hurt you Ana! You mean the world to me. You are everything to me… You and Sera are what I have left in my life apart for my parents, brother and sister… but you and Sera make my life complete… I've never felt happiness in my life since you've too filled it… Ana you taught me how to live and love, and then you gifted me with a beautiful daughter. You carried her for nine months. You loved her… you held her during the nights… you did everything… I used to come home to a child that ran towards me.' I continued with tears in my eyes.

'Christian… I've never heard you talk this way!' She said emotionally. 'Why have you kept this away for so long?'

'I don't know Ana… I guess circumstances…' I replied. '…but we'll make it through… like we always did… We're the Grey's family, and Grey's aren't quitters.' I urged.

'We may not be… but Sera… she is giving up.' She continued.

'Did she eat before she went to ballet?'

'She said she did… but… do you believe her?'

'She never eats…'

'Christian, what you told her yesterday…'

'I know Ana! I know… I did wrong… '

'Your words did shake her…'

'She's already shaken enough Ana! It wasn't my place to do that…'

'Christian you can always apologize…'

'Ana, our daughter is cutting… she starves herself… what makes you think that we'll erase this fact in an instant? Ana, we have to not let our arguments get between us… We have to communicate instead of fight… I'm tired of us fighting. We were made for each other, and we're throwing it all away.'

'Christian… this 'you' had been away for so long… I was giving up on you…'

'I know Ana… and I'm sorry… but we have to start a new page, and we're starting now.' I said as I sat Ana on her feet and pulled her from her arm making our way upstairs.

'Where are we going Christian?'

'Ana, I'm not having my daughter slicing herself up again any other time.' I stated as I opened Sera's door.

'Christian…'

'Ana… We have to… It is for her own good.' I replied. 'I'll take her room… you take her bathroom.'

We both started the search. It felt wrong going through her things. I knew how it felt when my parents did that when they thought I was doing drugs, and now I was doing the same things to my daughter...only for different reasons. I opened the second drawer, and it felt different. I moved her clothes and realized that the bottom of the drawer had some cracks. I removed all her clothes, and removed the base, and there they were. I found a diary and some blooded tissues. I felt my heart squeeze in pain, but for sure wasn't prepared for what Ana was going to find.

'CHRISTIAN!' I heard her scared voice from the bathroom.

'What is it?' I asked as I went in with the diary and the tissues. I realized she was holding a box. Ana's face looked like she had just seen a ghost. It was worse… We both were looking at self-destruction.

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	40. Chapter 39

**Sera's POV**

Little I knew that when I was going back home, there was going to be another hell on earth. Taylor drove me to Escala from ballet. My feet were aching my muscles were spamming and I couldn't find the strength to walk... But I had too... At least till I get into my room. I felt like I've been doing well... But all I see is a failure... A failure that let down her parents and everyone around her.

As we arrived home, I made my way up to my room. I just wanted to rest and consume myself within my own thoughts... But my lucky stars had something else prepared in mind.

I entered my room, and there they were...

'What are you doing?' I replied as I saw a box in my mother's hands and my journal in my father's hands.

The drawers were all open, and the hiding place was discovered... Did they just go through my things?

'It is time that your mother and I went sentimental.' dad started. 'We came up here looking for blades... But along we find this fucking box and this diary... Filled with diet pills, diet remedies, suppositories, laxatives... You've got enough stuff to remove your own organs' he replied while he stared at me.

I quickly moved and took the box from my mother... I tried taking the pills away from them, but dad was way stronger and faster than me. He grabbed me from my waist and pulled me away from her.

'What are you fucking trying to do? Kill yourself? He replied as he held me tighter.

'You have no damn right going through my things...' I said again as I tried freeing myself from his grip. 'Give me my fucking diary now!' I screamed at the top of my lungs.

'Christian! You're hurting her.'

'She's definitely not going to hurt herself anymore...' he said in anger mode. 'you barely eat to keep a mouse alive! You lie to us! You constantly do! You never eat at school! You never eat at home later'

'GIVE ME MY FUCKING DIARY DAD!' I SCREAMED and wiggled from his grip only to finally him let loose. I fell to the ground with a large thud. I felt my head moving and my vision wasn't clear, but I couldn't care less... They took away too much now... They cannot just barge in here and make everything theirs!

'Monday... I did it... Consumed less that 200... Burned over 600...' dad started as he continued reading.

'Dad please stop!' I begged as he continued reading.

'Tuesday… 10 laxatives… pain in my abdomen… 3 grapes… 1 lettuce leaf.' He continued as he turned the page. 'Wednesday… Half peeled apple… water… tea… and more fucking days like these!'

I felt anger rising... That's my private property... I bought it with my own money... Those are private thoughts. I felt adrenaline rush into me, and in a split second I was on my feet running towards my father snatching the diary away... But he was quicker than me... He held me from my arms near my wrists, blocking any movement I made... I tried fighting him...

'You cannot just come in here and fucking read my personal thoughts!' I screamed as I cried and continued attempting hitting him in the chest.

All he did was holding me stronger trying to restrain me before I hurt myself rather him. He dropped the diary and held me stronger... My mother was sobbing... She couldn't believe how things turned out to be.

'Sera I have the right to do whatever I want because you live under my fucking roof.'

'It's my life!'

'...and you're throwing it away!' he said again holding me tighter. I felt my hands burning... And a sharp pain in both my arms returned. I felt warm liquid passing under my cashmere top, and from pink it started getting red. Dad felt the warm liquid, and saw that his hands were turning red. He pulled one of my arms, while I resisted, but he was way stronger than I was. He pulled up my sleeve and there they were... Old scars under new ones... Blood gushing out of the new cut I had done the day before.

'What have you done!' dad exclaimed as he traced every mark...every scar... Every pain... 'Did we do this to you?' he asked in a calmer hurt voice.

I hated that he discovered everything... I hated the he now knew all my darkest secrets... I hated it. I crumbled to the ground feeling weak, tired, exhausted, exposed...

In front of him he saw a terrified girl trying to hold to the last straw, where it was now ploughed... I was lost... I cried... I hated myself...

He came beside me and held me tight to him, but I didn't want any comfort... He pushed me away for so long, and now because of this I was going to forget it. I pushed him and hit him in the chest, but he only hugged me harder and restrained me until finally I gave up... I sobbed in his chest... I let him see the true me... I let him see the weak damaged daughter he was living with. Blood was still gushing out of the cut. Dad motioned to my mother to bring him a towel from my bathroom... But it was too late... I was getting dizzy... I felt myself going numb and in a split second, everything went black.

**Christian's POV**

Her cries soon turned into sobs... Her cuts were gushing with blood... I didn't know what to do... I broke my own daughter... She fought me hard... She didn't want me to comfort her... My wife stood there dumbstruck, still holding out the pills... How stupid could we have been? She had been hiding this for so long and we noticed at the worst... What kind of parents are we?

I felt her fight finally subsiding... She was getting paler by the second, and although I held her cuts with the towel, blood still came out at an alarming rate... Soon she lay lifeless in my arms.

'Sera...' I called on her hoping to receive response. 'Sera!' I tried again... I looked at her face... She was getting colder and she was turning into a yellow shade... I checked her pulse, and there I noticed that it was irregular and weak. Blood was still gushing, and it was time to admit her to the hospital. I lifted her up with no effort... I shouldn't have been able to carry her as a baby... A 17 year old shouldn't be like this. We rushed out with Taylor on our tail. I drove frantically while Ana tended to her in the back seat. Taylor was quiet... He didn't know what to say let alone do... Few minutes later, after breaking all speeding laws, we arrived at the hospital. I lifted her up and called for help as I was there... Quickly some doctors and nurses took her away from us... Took my baby away...

I held my wife close to me... How could we let this go this far? She lay lifeless there... Not knowing if she'll ever be the daughter I knew... It's like this demon came in and robbed her from us overnight... At one point she was this cheerful sweet girl, always smiling... And now... Her smiles are fake... I see through the mask she holds... I see through her pain but she learned to block everything and everyone... I wasn't there for her... Will I ever be able to fix it?

'Please God, make her live! I'd give anything to see her take another breath...

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	41. Chapter 40

**Sera's POV**

I felt myself different... Something was cold under me, and a strong, sharp antiseptic smell burned my nose. There was a warm hand hold mine, running smooth circles... I didn't recognize the person... But I wanted him to keep doing that... I heard my mother's voice talking to Grandma Grace, and a beep was beeping slowly yet constantly... I finally realized it... Was I in a hospital?... Again?

I opened my eyes slowly, taking in the room... White sheets, blue room... My father was there... He was the one holding my hand, with pursed lips, and scruffy hair.

'Hey peanut!' he said with a weak smile as he noticed I was up.

I looked towards my hand and noticed that there was an IV... IV meant fluid... Fluid filled with all sorts of sugars and stuff... I took my hand away from dad's trying to disconnect the IV, but he was quicker than I was and realized my plan from the start.

'The IV is giving you nourishment... You need it.' he continued as he held my hand tighter.

'What happened?' I asked slowly, almost afraid of the answer.

'The...' he was about to start, when Grandma cut him off.

'The cut you inflicted was too deep and it didn't heal properly... Both cuts opened and you lost a lot of blood.' she replied as she wrote down my parameters. 'Sweet heart, we're keeping you inpatient until we see some improvement... You lost a lot of weight and your BMI is way low.'

'No...' I simply replied.

'Sera, it's time your mother and I take this matter into our own hands.' dad started. 'You need to get better... If you don't want to do it for you then do it for me and mummy!'

'...and why should I do that dad? You haven't talked to me in almost 2 months!'

'I'm sorry...'

'Dad, unfortunately sorry is just a word... Sometimes it takes more than that for an apology to be real... Neither of you were there for anything... Neither of you noticed anything... And all of a sudden you're all parenting... Going through my stuff...'

'Sera...' grandma cut me off. '... You need to rest... John will be here shortly...' she continued as she turned to my parents '...I need to speak to both of you outside.' She finished while dad placed my phone on the bedside table.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

'How is she?' I asked slowly.

'I'm not going to beat around the bush... She's very weak! Her kidneys are failing... Did she ever complain about any pain?' My mother asked as she took in the gibberish numbers that I couldn't understand.

'She complains about a lot of pains and aches these days!' Ana replied as she moved towards the glass window and looked to what was once our daughter, that was now lost in her music. She had that from me. Music always made me lose myself in thoughts. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 'How... How did it get this far? She doesn't have the will to live anymore!'

'It's how anorexia nervosa is... At first it seems that she had the control... But as the illness progresses it takes control over herself...'

'We did this to her!' I replied desperately.

'You may have contributed to a part of it... Yes... But we're not looking for the blame here... We want her to get back on her feet so she'll respond to therapy..'. My mother continued as she placed the file on the nurse's desk, and paged my father. 'Has she spoken of the abuse as yet?'

'No...' I replied. '…at night she constantly wakes up... She has nightmares... And I never went beside her to comfort her... Ana was always the one to hold her...'

'She needs both of you now more than ever... She needs to know you love her.. And you're going to stick by her no matter what... She needs your support...'

'What if she hates me mum?' I asked.

'Sera doesn't know how to hate... She's too innocent... She's hurt.. And she may give you the cold shoulder for sometime... But she'll eventually soften up... And when that time comes you both need to sit down with her.'

'How long are you going to keep her Grace? Ana asked, while my dad took a look at the charts himself.

'Till we see some improvement on her condition. We're putting her on a feeding tube…'

'Feeding tube? Dad, you know how Sera is! She hates needles, and pipes. Can't you wait till she stabilizes a bit?'

'Stabilize? Here, her latest test results. Her condition is drastic; she could go in shock at any time. If she remains dangerously malnourished with hypotension, bilirubin's elevated; BUN indicates insipient and renal dysfunction, which relates to relatively low blood supply and an overwhelming concentration of toxins. That's all three Christian… Heart, Liver and Kidneys.' Dad answered. 'Christian, I know this is hard. It is hard on all of us Christian… but we all need to set our feelings aside for a second, and do what's best for the kid.'

'How much does she have to gain Carrick?' Ana asked.

'At least 20 pounds. She'll still be very underweight, but at least she would be able to walk. Right now she barely has the energy to make her way to the bathroom. I'm appalled at how she still went to school and to ballet!' My dad replied.

'When do you think we can take her home?'

'Not for now for sure!' My mother continued as she crossed her arms. '…but when she gets back home she has to follow a very detailed diet. She has to start eating slowly again, but you have to pay a lot of attention... Anorexics tend to have many rituals... Many ways to deceive... You don't notice them, but hopefully it will all get better.'

'...and what if it doesn't?' I asked again.

'We only hope for the best!' Dad finished as John made his way towards us.

'Hey…' He greeted, as dad handed him the chart and started reading. '…feeding tube? Carrick, Grace… it's really bad if you're resorting to this!'

'It's drastic now John.'

'How are you holding up?' He asked us.

'We just found a box full of diet pills, suppositories, laxatives… anything that would send her to the other world in an instant.' I answered as I rested my back to the wall.

'I'll talk to her.' He finished as he entered her room.

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	42. Chapter 41

**Sera's POV**

All the lies… all the hiding… it's all for nothing. No matter how much I've tried… no matter how much I placed everything… Nothing mattered anymore. I have nothing.

"_I can hold my breath_

_I can bite my tongue_

_I can stay away for days_

_If that's what you want_

_Be your number one_

_I can fake a smile_

_I can force a laugh_

_I can dance and play the part_

_If that's what you ask_

_Give you all I am"_

Christina Perri's song blazed in my ears, on the highest volume I could set it on. Human… am I human? Since I was young, I always wanted to be more independent. We, as teenagers, feel stifled by parents, teachers, security, having to constantly do what we're asked.

'Sera do this… Sera do that… Sera… Sera… Sera…'

I always wanted to choose for myself… but things changed. I want my parents to be happily together… not constantly fighting. I want to turn back time to that night that I decided to go with Natalie and Mark…I wish I can forget everything… I wish I can forget that night…

"_I can do it_

_I can do it_

_I can do it_

_But I'm only human_

_And I bleed when I fall down_

_I'm only human_

_And I crash and I break down_

_Your words in my head, knives in my heart_

_You build me up and then I fall apart_

_'Cause I'm only human_

_I can turn it on_

_Be a good machine_

_I can hold the weight of worlds_

_If that's what you need_

_Be your everything_

_I can do it_

_I can do it_

_I'll get through it"_

I always knew myself very well… I always did… but now, who I was didn't matter anymore… All it mattered was to please everyone around me, and to control myself the only way I knew… the only way I thought it was best… but now… all of the control was taken from me. My parents decided that the best way to help is to go through my things. What got into them? They were never there! And now they want to be all parenting?

I go to sleep every night with the wish to not wake up in the morning, but am truly disappointed every waking day… I always end up waking up to a new day. I can't fall asleep before I make sure what I'm going to do the following day… what I'm going to eat or not eat… what I'm going to study or not… what I'm going to say or don't… what I'm going to feel or not… how much I'm exercising or not. It's tiring, and yet, I can't stop… I want to, but I can't… I only want to never have existed… both of them would have been better off without me…

Can I get through this? Do I want to get through this?

"_But I'm only human_

_And I bleed when I fall down_

_I'm only human_

_And I crash and I break down_

_Your words in my head, knives in my heart_

_You build me up and then I fall apart_

_'Cause I'm only human_

_I'm only human_

_I'm only human_

_Just a little human_

_I can take so much_

_'Till I've had enough"_

Her words kept ringing into my ears. My dad's gaze kept creeping back into my mind when he saw my cuts. I quickly hid my arms underneath the sheets. It was easy like that. I didn't want them… especially them… to know about them. Grandma Grace promised me… but I guess my family's promises are all lies… are all a façade'. All I keep asking is the 'Why?'…

Flynn entered the room, without me realising it. He came forward and touched my shoulder affectionately. He gave me a small fright, but soon recovered from it, and removed my earphones in an instant.

'Hey…' He smiled as he sat on the edge of the bed with my chart in his hand. 'What are you listening to?' He asked smiling, as he grabbed one of my earphones gently and took a listen.

"_I'm only human_

_And I crash and I break down_

_Your words in my head, knives in my heart"_

'Mhmm… Christina Perri…' He continued as he handed me back my earphone. 'Do you like her music?' He asked gently while I placed the song on pause.

'Not all of them… but I have some favourites…' I replied. 'Guess you would like to know which ones?'

'Sure… why not?' He smiled.

'A thousand years, Jar of hearts, and this…'

'Why those three?' He asked again.

'Don't tell me you're going to read into that too!' I exclaimed.

'You're right…' He chuckled. '…but music tells us a lot about our personality.'

'What kind of music do you like?' I asked.

'Well, I like everything. For as long as its good music, I'll listen to it.'

'So you are both and introvert and an extrovert?' I almost asked.

'That's a statement Sera.' He smiled again. '…but yes… you can say that.'

'…Walter and Derek are very lucky to have a father like you.' I started, as I caught him off guard.

'…and why do you say that?'

'I see them the way they look at you. You give them your time as if it's something easily obtained… you're not afraid to show your feelings… and you're not afraid to be affectionate in front of everybody… They adore you John…'

'I'm sure Christian is the same with you…'

'Yeah…' I replied.

'How are you feeling?' He continued.

'Bored…'

'Guess it is the right feeling seeing as you have nothing to do.' He answered.

'I don't belong here John…'

'Sera, you're a very sick girl, you almost died.'

'It's not the hospital… it's everything… I never fit anywhere. Not here, at home, or any place else.'

'Sera, is it possible, since you expect to be rejected, you send out vibes say you don't want to belong… is it possible?'

'What would you do?'

'That's a very good question.' He replied while he stopped to think. '…I would probably think about little tricks that would protect me from everyone.'

'I am… I have tricks… to protect me… from people's bad feelings…'

'You have to tell me that and you have to get rid of them…'

'I can't…' I replied as I let my head drop.

He moved forward and held my hand, rubbing smooth circles on it, but I flinched. I still wasn't quite used to strangers touching me.

'No… leave it… I'm not going to hurt you Sera…' He replied as he held my hand tighter. '…I know it's hard, but it's the only way…'

'Next time… ok? I promise you I'll tell you next time!' I begged.

'No… just one… tell me one…'

I stopped for a second to think about it. In a way, I didn't want him to know. That would make me feel more exposed… More open to people getting to me, but the words were out of my mouth before I realized it.

'I… can't let the food touch my lips… I have to get it off the fork without letting it touch my lips.'

'Tell me some rituals that have nothing to do with food.'

'No…'

'Come on… you're doing great!' He smiled as he urged me to continue.

'You know… how like you're not supposed to sit on a public toilet seat, because you could get a disease or something? Well, I won't sit on any toilet seat… not even the one in my own bathroom. I used to think that you could get pregnant by sitting on a toilet seat…' I started while I looked at him . '… and you know, how you're supposed to wash your hands before doing natural needs, or eat… well… I have to wash my hands thoroughly at least 5 times before doing something… That's really sick… isn't it?'

'No… not wanting to get pregnant isn't sick at your age.'

'I don't ever want it… I don't ever want to have kids…'

'Now that's maybe one of the reasons why you don't eat. Your body won't mature, won't be attractive to men and you won't get pregnant… Sera, you're a slave to these rituals! They must make you very tired.'

'I can't stop them…'

'No, but we can deal with them in another way… Look, you just told me your fears that you were scared to death to tell me or anyone and the sky didn't fall down… did it?'

'No…'

'…because you shared them with me… and maybe we could do the same with eating…'

'No… no… I can't do that… I can't…' I panicked.

'You just told me you weren't strong enough to share your secret rituals but you did… share a meal with me…'

'I don't think I can…'

'I'm just asking you to try…' He continued as Grandpa Carrick entered the room with my parents and a nurse.

'John…' He started. '…it's time…'

'Time for what?' I panicked.

'Sera, you have to be placed on a feeding tube…' John started.

'No… daddy… Please! Please don't let them.' I begged.

'Sweet heart, we have no other choice!' He replied as he moved forward and brushed the locks of hair from my face.

'Mummy… please! I promise I'll eat… I promise I'll do anything you want me to do! Please don't let them!' I cried.

'Sweet heart, it's a little too late for that… You need the feeding tube.' Daddy urged, while my mother exited the room, with Flynn following her.

Grandpa Carrick brought the pipes, and a bag with fluid. He placed everything on a tray, and lowered the bed. Dad remained there holding my hand, while catching my tears.

'Daddy please! I'm sorry for what I did… I'm sorry for everything… I promise I'll gain weight… I promise I'll eat…'

**Christian's POV**

He pleading made my heart tear apart. She didn't want the tube, but I couldn't do otherwise… I was losing her… I used to think that you have to force anorexics to eat and they do… but no… it's different… they starve themselves until their organs start feeding on themselves and shut down, until all that matters is how to pass on nothing except little air…

'Daddy! Please!' She begged again. I felt tears watering my eyes. I wanted to make it all better for her, but I couldn't.

'Munchkin, you need this… When you'll get better, we'll remove it… but you need it…' I replied as my father gave me a nod with his head that they were starting.

'Sera, you have to hold still, else it will be painful!' My father said as he lubricated the tube with some gel. 'Christian, you can stay if…'

'I'm staying dad…' I replied as I held her hand stronger. 'Sera, you have to do this...'

'Daddy!' She desperately cried, while my father held her head in an upward position, and measured the tube from the tip of her nose to the tip of her ear to the tip of her stomach, and marked it with a piece of tape.

'Sera, I have to ask you to not move.' He ordered again as he placed the tube in her tiny nostril, and started to push it upwards. 'It's going to be very uncomfortable Sera… now swallow… yes… that's it… swallow a bit more Sera…' He continued, until he reached the piece of tape. He placed a strip of adhesive tape on her nose, and secured the tube to her cheek. He grabbed a syringe and some strip of paper, and after withdrawing some contents from the stomach, he dropped the drops on this paper, and gave a nod to the nurse.

'It's in Christian… we're all done Sera.' He replied again as he kissed her forehead. 'You did great sweet heart.' He continued. 'We'll start her on 80ml per 2 hours.' He ordered the nurse.

She kept crying, but I remained there. I've been away for too long, not caring for her emotionally, it's time I man up, and be there for her… I had to be a better father… I had to be there for her…

* * *

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	43. Chapter 42

**Author's Note...**

One guest asked me this 'I'm confused...Carrick is a lawyer - why is he inserting the tube?'

Fifty Shades of Grey's origin is truly a pure fanfiction of twilight. In my light, Carrick represents Carlisle, so I thought on leaving Carlisle's character alive in Carrick. As we all know, Carlisle is a doctor in the twilight series, thus merging Carrick with Carlisle, would bring out a better yet stronger character.

ENJOY THE FOLLOWING CHAPTERS! :D ... AND...

_**PLEASE REVIEW!**_

* * *

**A****na's POV**

I couldn't stand in the room. She kept pleading… promising… I wanted to give her everything… but I couldn't… I've been blind for too long, and this is what I got… I trusted her… I never urged her to talk… and now she's fighting for her life… or to put it better, we are fighting for her life. She gave up completely… she doesn't want to live… she wants to do it on her own. I threw up in a nearby bin. She was skeletal… she barely weighed 70 pounds, and she still wants to starve herself.

'Ana…' John came from behind. '…are you ok?'

'Yeah…' I replied sadly. '… Sera isn't…'

'Ana, this affects all of you… and me also… but we all have to set our feelings aside for a second, and do what's best… right now she has to be inpatient on a feeding tube.' He continued while Christian joined us.

'Ana, are you ok?'

'Yes Christian… I'm fine… How is she?'

'She's drained out of energy.' He replied.

'Christian, Ana, what is it you do want?'

'I want my life back… I want my daughter back… What have we done to her? Why is she doing this?' I started, not knowing how to sort out my thoughts. 'I mean, it's not like we've abandoned her. We're happy… We're close… We always said everything to each other!'

'Ana, first of all, she's not doing this to you or to Christian. She's doing it to herself.'

'Ohh, and that makes it all better John?' I answered back in frustration. 'I don't think so.'

'A year ago, our daughter was happy, healthy… She had friends… a life!' Christian reasoned.

'I'm sure she seemed to be…'

'What does that supposed to mean?' Both of us asked lost.

'Like all eating disorders, anorexia nervosa is a complex difficult disease. I can't give you any easy answers! But I expect that the root of this problem goes further than a year ago… I need to talk to Sera, spend time with both of you… We have to work together to get through this.'

'How long will that take?'

'I don't know…all I can tell you is that we all need to have patience. However, I'd suggest you'd go home for the night… it won't help her if she'll see you this way.' He suggested.

'I'm not leaving her alone!' Christian argued.

'Christian, you need to care for her emotionally as well… it's no use if she'll see you both looking like crap… she has to know that she can depend on you… you need to be strong…'

'Who's staying with her for the night?' I asked while Christian ran his hand through his hair.

'I'll ask Carrick or Grace… They have a night shift… if anything… I'll stay… she's like a daughter to me…' He reasoned. His words made me think. Did we push her away for too long? Did we do this to her? 'However, I'd like you to search her room for more stashes of laxatives, diet pills… Anorexics don't hide everything in one place… they would probably scatter things around to throw everyone off. She may have hid them in her bathroom, closet, under the bed, under the sheets, even in your public bathroom… You have to pay attention to everything and throw everything you find.'

'…and how should we know where to search?' Christian argued.

'You won't… you just search… but for tonight… go and rest…'

* * *

Our drive home was quiet. We sent Taylor home, seeing as he had nothing to do. Christian held on to the steering wheel as if it was the last straw he had left to hold on to. His lips were pursed, but his eyes were filled with worry and fear. I never saw him that way. It was affecting him more than her… she just wanted to give up.

We wanted kids, and we were blessed with one… and yet, we've thrown away what we had… all the happiness, all the closeness… and now we want it back… I want it back… I want my daughter back, and my family back.

Christian finally made a breakthrough, and talked… he told me what he was feeling… he was ready to face everything in a different light… but I wasn't… I knew how I felt when I had my share of the eating disorder… but my parents caught it immediately… to me it was more of a peer pressure, wanting to be attractive to guys… but this… this is way different… this was eating me… us…

We soon went to bed, but sleep wasn't easily found. Christian seemed as if his head was cut off. Part of him was still left in the hospital. At around two in the morning, I jolted up awake, but didn't find him beside me…

'Christian?' I called, but I didn't receive any response. 'Christian?' I tried again, while I got dressed into my robe, and went downstairs.

I saw his office light on, and entered slowly. There he was, on his couch, with a book in his hand.

'Christian?' I asked again, this time getting his attention. 'Are you ok?' I asked as I moved and took a seat beside him.

'How can I Ana?'

'Why don't you come to bed and rest Christian?'. I suggested as I saw him engorged in what he was reading...

'See here' he said as he handed me her journal. 'Read…'

I started reading slowly, without realising what I was about to know…

* * *

_Dear Bert,_

_Damn... Where do I start? There's nothing left anymore... My father prefers Natalie over me... He was disappointed that she's not coming to the get together... But when I texted him he said 'I didn't receive it...' But I knew he was lying! The delivery report was a proof against his lie... And then he rephrased his words 'to put it better… I didn't get it…'. _

_Wow... That's a great way of showing love to your own kid Mr. GREY! _

_My mother seems to be between us... She wants to stick up for me, but doesn't want to go against dad... I understand he is her love... The man that gave her his heart and she gave him his... And I was supposed to be the seed of their love... But I'm more of a thorn than a seed..._

_I wish I can have a real family! Taylor offered me to ditch school and have a day off for myself... After... (why can't I forget this! Dammit!) … It hasn't been long… At least that's what everybody's saying… But I don't care,.. As I told Taylor… I'VE lost too much already! _

_Gail on the other hand… Helps me with everything… She even spent her evening watching a movie with me… I wish they were my parents… _

_I'm selfish… If Taylor was my father, Natalie wouldn't be here because he wouldn't marry Lisa… And then the whole story would be different… Or would it be?..._

_I don't know… I should be glad I have parents…I should be glad I have someone… _

_Anyways…. I have to go for now… My parents arrived from Flynn… I'll write later…_

_Love, me…_

* * *

'Christian…'

'…and there are plenty more!' Christian said as he closed it off, and set on the desk in front of him…'How could we do that to her? She's our miracle child...and yet we've treated her like shit...'

'Christian, as John told us… it's no use meddling with the past… We have to look forward.'

'How can we Ana? WE broke her… I pushed her away… She was raped, and I held on to the fact that she ditched our security… I couldn't see past that…'

'…but now you can Christian… We can't make this about us… This is her anorexia, and we have to help her through it.'

'What if she gave up Ana?'

'Then we have to give her a reason to stay and fight… Don't you want our daughter back baby?'

'Of course I do! I'd do anything to save her… even if it kills me…'

'Then we have to be better parents Christian… and we will be… we have a young beautiful strong daughter… this is our wake-up call… we have to listen to it…' I encouraged him.

'My father is staying with her… John texted me.' He replied.

'Good… then come to bed… we have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow…'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

Grandpa still remained in the same seating position he had been since he came in. He said he wasn't leaving me alone… I felt a bit safe, knowing that at least somebody wanted me. After 5 hours from the night, and still couldn't sleep, I decided to get up slowly and move around, the best way I could, without waking him up. He looked exhausted… guess day shifts aren't that easy for doctors. Grandma on the other hand, still was on her night shift. She always told me how she hated them, but when she managed to help someone, she always felt the satisfaction of being a doctor… despite all the disadvantages of having to lose sleep.

My legs were heavy, and I didn't have the strength to move them off the bed, but I couldn't let this get the best of me. I'm way better than it is… I had to move around… I felt the need to do so.

The cold floor underneath my feet sent shivers along my spine. I held on strongly to the edge of the bed, while I moved around. I felt light headed, but the voice in me told me to keep going on. I moved towards the window, still holding strongly to the wall… my legs felt wobbly, and I was getting colder by the minute. Soon, my little night hike had to come to an end. I felt two strong hands on my shoulders, and I turned immediately to face him.

'Geez! You scared me grandpa!'

'Sera, you know you're not supposed to be up on your feet!' He ordered, as he held my hand stronger for support.

'I'm sorry… I just needed to walk a bit…'

'Next time wake me up…'

'You were peacefully sleeping grandpa…' I replied as he helped back to bed.

'Why don't you sleep?'

'I can't grandpa… I've tried… I just can't…'

'…can't is just a word Sera… You need to rest…' He smiled as he placed the covers on top of me. Even the littlest amount of weight, was hurting me. Grandpa went outside for a second and soon came back with a syringe and a tiny bottle.

'What's that?'

'It's something to help you sleep… You need it kiddo…' He replied while he switched on the lights. 'It's going to burn…' He continued as he injected it in into my system. '…but it will soon be over sweet heart.' He finished as he kissed my forehead and disposed of the syringe.

He came to sit beside me, and held my hand gently. Soon, I felt my eyes heavy, and I couldn't keep my eyelids open… I didn't realise I was already dreaming before I went to sleep…

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	44. Chapter 43

**Sera's POV**

The following days weren't any easier. My parents came early in the morning, and they kept having that pained look over their faces. Dad brought a book with him, and we watched a movie together… it had been a bit since we both sat down together and spent some quality time… Although we watched a comedy, my mind still couldn't focus on the movie… My mind, as usual, drifted into its deepest thoughts.

Across the room, my mother was working on some editing report for her SIP company. My father kept holding my arm, but soon, they both had to leave.

Dad's phone rang furiously.

'Christian…' He answered the phone in a different tone.

'_Hey… it's me… Elliot…' _

'What is it Elliot?' Dad answered in panic mode.

'_Listen is Ana there?'_

'Yeah why?'

'_Clarissa… she's having a miscarriage… Kate needs Ana.' Uncle Elliot replied while dad took the phone outside._

* * *

**Christian's POV**

His words kept ringing into my ears… Clarissa? Pregnant? Since when? And a miscarriage?

'_Christian…are you still there?' Elliot urged again._

'Yeah…yeah…' I replied. 'Listen, we're at the hospital… We had to admit Sera…'

'_What? Is she ok?'_

'Hopefully she will be…' I replied as I stared at the window to where my daughter was.

'_Please Christian… could you both come down for a second? We need someone to take Ava for us… and Kate… Kate needs Ana…' He begged._

'Um… I'll see what we can do Elliot… but our kid needs us as well…'

'_It won't be long Christian… we just need you to take Ava for a second…'_

'Ok, ok… We're coming down, but I'll only take Ava up to my daughter… she needs me Elliot…'

'_Thanks Christian.' He panicked before hanging up._

* * *

I went back to her room, and Ana immediately knew that there was something wrong. I motioned her to talk outside for a moment. Sera, didn't even notice what was happening around her… she was still playing with her fingers, and little did she realise I moved away from her…

'What is it Christian?'

'It's Elliot… Clarissa is having a miscarriage?'

'What? She's pregnant?'

'Apparently so!' I replied still in disbelief. 'Kate needs you, and I have to bring Ava up here…'

'What about our daughter?'

'I'm going down to bring Ava and I'll be back up shortly…' I replied as I went back to my daughter's room.

* * *

I looked at her… and she was still lost in her own little world… Her eyes were dull, and her expressions were lifeless. She looked like a statue that moved only to do the littlest things. I felt horrible having to take her away from her thoughts… but I couldn't just leave her.

* * *

'Sera?' I asked as I moved forward. I saw her eyes shift in an instant… she went into defensive mode, but soon recovered.

'Yes dad?'

'Your mother and I have to go to the emergency room for a second… Clarissa…'

'She's not having the baby now… is she?' She asked almost surprised. 'It's only been what? 4 months?'

'You knew about the pregnancy?'

'Yeah… she told me on New Year's Eve…' She replied slowly.

'Why didn't you say something?'

'It wasn't my place daddy!'

'You're right… I'm sorry…' I replied. 'She's having a miscarriage, and Aunt Kate and Uncle Elliot needs us to take Ava… We'll be right back.'

'Don't worry dad… you need a break…' She smiled.

'If you need anything, just call me… I'm taking my phone with me…'

'Yes dad…'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

They immediately left, and soon was left to my own confines… where I could think about everything… or nothing…

John F. Kenned once said

"Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal."

As humans, we all want to have everything… We want to make everything ours… and yet… we never fully success… we resort to wars between countries… we resort to wars within ourselves… and yet… nothing ever works.

'Well good morning…' A young patient said as she came into my room. '…heard that the billionaire's daughter is here...' She smiled as she came forward and took a nearby seat. 'I'm Nancy Smith.'

'I'm Sera Grey…' I smiled.

'Congratulations, you really shook them up around here. I'm impressed, for a beginner you did great… and having your father being the largest funder of this hospital and most importantly the billionaire's daughter, truly did some effect! Been here 2 weeks, it's not as bad as hospitals go… last one I was in was real dumb.'

'How many have you been in?'

'4 counting this. Took me 7 months to get out of the last one.'

'7 months?' I exclaimed.

'Yeah… took me a lot of time to calm them. See, they like to think they can cure you. So you put on enough weight till they think you're better, once you're out, you'll lose it again… no big deal…' She proudly answered.

'…and how come you're back?'

'I got careless…they got some new therapy sessions they'd like to try on me…see if they can cure my bulmirexia.'

'What's that?'

'I got a lot to teach you… it is binging then getting rid of it… it's like eating through the refrigerator, then hit in the pizza joints, McDonald's, KFC, wherever you can eat you eat. I can eat up to three weeks nonstop… I can win awards.' She continued.

'If you eat like that, then how come… I mean… how come you don't weigh 500 pounds?' I reasoned.

'Vomiting…' She replied.

'I'd rather not eat…' I said as I let my head fall backwards to the pillow.

'So would I… but... um... I can't help it. Sometimes I heave up to ten times a day…. Doctors tell me it's dangerous…. But… um… it's better than being fat…So what are you here for…to get cured?' She asked.

'My parents put me in… I want to get out.'

'Well, if you want to get out, there are some tricks you have to learn. They watch you like a hawk around here… they see what you eat… weigh you every day…and your situation is worse… you are the daughter of a very big headed man…' She smiled, while Flynn entered the room.

'Hi Nancy.' He smiled. 'How are you doing?'

'I'm great…' She replied as she stood up. 'I've never been better!' She continued while she winked at me.

'The nurses want you in your room.' He continued while he went forward to the desk and wrote something on my chart.

She moved forward and whispered in my ear. 'Stick with me you know…' She smiled as she moved towards the door. '…and don't waste your time with the nurses, they're um… not worth it… the doctors are more sympathetic…' She smiled.

'Ok.'

'Later.' She waved as she left the room.

'I see you made a new friend.' Flynn smiled.

'Yeah… she seems nice…'

'She is… she's very sick though…' He replied as he moved forward and took his seat on the edge of the bed. 'Where are you parents?'

'Clarissa… she's having a miscarriage… and Uncle Elliot and Aunt Kate needed someone to watch Ava… dad will soon be back up…'

'How are you feeling?' He asked.

'You know… there should be a manual how to start a therapy session…' I replied. 'It gets a bit tiring always hearing the same line...'

'Mhmm… true… what do you suggest Sera?'

'I don't know…' I replied while he took a sip from his coffee.

'You want some?' He offered.

'No thanks… you put way too much sugar in it!' I smiled.

'You need it…'

'They're just trying to get me fat…'

'I'm not trying to get you fat… I'm trying to keep you alive.' He reasoned, as he sat the cup on the cabinet beside my bed.

'I don't want to talk about that…'

'Then what do you want to talk about?' He asked again, while I remained quiet. I felt his eyes staring at me… I wanted it all to end… for a moment I just wanted some time. 'Have you put on any weight this week?'

'Can we ever talk about anything besides my weight?'

'Sure… sure…' He smiled, while he searched for my eyes. '… Like what Sera?' he asked again. 'Heard you have been disconnecting your IV's, and removed your tube 5 times...'

'John... Please... I don't want to talk about that...' I begged.

'Ok... then tell me... what do you want to talk about?'

* * *

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	45. Chapter 44

My parents soon had to leave for home, and having the rest of the day alone, didn't quite help. I understand they needed their time to have a break from everything and take care of themselves… but I wished they remained there with me… but I had to be thankful… they were spending most of days with me… and they promised to be back soon… I only had to believe in them.

Seeing, as I was to my own confines, I decided to get up and walk a bit. My feet were jammed in bed, and I feared thrombosis… I knew it was impossible at my age… but it was a good excuse to get through. I stood up and started my round across the ward. Both my grandparents weren't there and neither Flynn was there… It was easier, however soon Nancy joined me.

'Hey there kiddo!' She started as she took the basket of fruit from the nurse's station. 'I see you're walking… and nobody's with you… you're escaping?' she asked.

'No… I'm just tired in bed…'

'Here… an apple a day keeps the doctor away…' She smiled as she handed me her apple, while I remained staring at her. 'You're in a sour mood tonight…'

'Yeah…'

'Follow me Sera…' She smiled as she made her way to her room. I followed not knowing what to expect, but was amazed. She had decorated her room in a girly way. She was the perfect Barbie… better than the dolls we bought when we were kids. She was tall… taller than me and I was already five feet two… that is something. She had clear blue eyes, and her large pink lips made her look more beautiful.

He room was filled with pink everywhere. A make-up bag was set on the cabinet, and high heeled shoes were set near the edge of her bed. A window was overlooking the hospital's fountain. She had quite a view…

'Wow! How did you get this?'

'Not bad huh?' She smiled as she smiled proudly. 'Bet you've never seen a hospital room like this before!'

'Where… How did you get all these?' I asked in disbelief. 'It's so pink!'

'You have to be comfortable Sera… This is my comfy zone.' She smiled while she opened a drawer, and a foul smell burned my nose.

'Ewww! What's that?' I asked feeling sick to the stomach.

'This… my dear… is ammunition for future binges… when the compulsion hits me… I'll be ready…'

'You mean… you actually eat that stuff?' I asked in disbelief.

'What are you acting so superior for all of a sudden?' She defenced. 'You're the one that let them stick that tube in you… remember? It's nothing but salt and sugars you know! It's pure poison… they violated you and you let them…' She angrily replied.

'I didn't want to… they forced me!' I fought back.

'I don't buy that… you could have fought… you could have pulled it right back out… I did… Guess that takes guts… something you don't seem to have…'

'I did too… five times to be exact!' I replied as I moved back to her wall.

'Do you want a pack of cigarettes?' She offered.

'No thanks…' I smiled.

'Look, there's nothing to be ashamed of… you're still a beginner… the thing is… I won't be here to help… I'm out… tomorrow morning… discharged…'

'No! Why?'

'It's really easy to fool them around here… I hadn't vomited in a week; gained 3 pounds… they think I'm safe…'

'I wish you weren't leaving…' I said disappointed at her while she moved back to her bed.

'Well… now we have to let them think you are safe too… that's all…' She encouraged.

'I'm scared… I'm scared that if I start to eat, I won't be able to stop…'

'Haven't you every done it before? Eating something so you'll get them off your back… like your folks?'

'Yeah…'

'Then do it again! You can't stay here forever…' She reasoned.

'Sometimes… Sometimes I think I'm better off here than at home… at least they pay attention to me… I see my grandparents every day, and I feel closer to them…'

'I can get attention wherever I want… I sure don't need this… and forget going home… parents don't understand what you're going through… I left home when I was 16 and went to live with my grandparents… I have my own place now… I'm thinking on going back to school next fall… I want to be an artist… this dumb has seen the last of me…'

'You see! I could never do any of those things… My father places me on 24/7 security every single day… Taylor follows me around, and my father tracks my every move! He also keeps track of my Facebook account… Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be me…'

'Who is your father? The CIA?' She exclaimed.

'I think CIA aren't this uptight… I mean… I know he just wants to keep me safe… but I feel like I'm in a bubble… I can never do anything… and then… they constantly fight… I'm tired of it… I'm tired of it all Nancy!'

'Sure you can! Sure! When you'll get out of here… I'll teach you some good stuff… we'll be friends… ok?' She continued.

'I'd like to be your friend…' I smiled. '…very much.'

'…and we understand each other…'

'Yeah…'

'Well, I got to start packing…' She said as she turned to get her luggage. '…You'll be out of here in no time… no problem… give me a call… ok?'

'Yeah… good luck…'

'Good luck is my middle name…' She smiled as she came forward to hug me while I left the room.

**Nancy's POV**

I made a new friend, but have to leave… I'm discharged… I made it… I fooled them again. Sera, is still very young… she still has to learn the ropes… I just want her to get out of here… She doesn't belong here… and neither do I… I don't belong in this world anymore… I have to go…

I moved towards my cabinet, and there they were… my life savers… tonight is the night…

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	46. Chapter 45

Grandma Grace spent the evening with me. My parents had to tend to Ava, and Aunt Kate. Clarissa was in a very bad shape from what I could understand, and her post miscarriage, got her really tangled up. Although she wasn't keen on the baby before her marriage, she still loved him. Uncle Elliot looked as if his head was cut off, especially as he never saw Clarissa that broken. I visited her for a couple of minutes, before Grandpa Carrick took me back to my room. I've never seen her that bad. She had no life in her eyes, it's like a part of her died with the baby. I still couldn't understand what exactly happened… all I knew is that in little time, many things were happening to our family.

'What are you thinking about?' Grandma Grace asked as she placed another card on the table.

'Nothing special…'

'Sera, you're losing… It's not you… Come on spill…' She joked.

'It's… I'm thinking about Clarissa…'

'What about her sweetheart?'

'I knew about her pregnancy grandma… and I knew she wasn't keen on it… you know… a kid before marriage isn't easy.'

'Sera, a kid in a marriage isn't easy! Let alone before marriage…' She said as she placed all her cards on the table. 'I win.' She smiled.

'… grandma… she looked… I don't know how to put it…'

'Depressed?'

'No… well… yeah…'

'Sera… she had maternal instinct towards the baby… You'll know someday when you'll be a mother… She loved the baby… It's exactly the same feeling when your dog died… remember? Only that feeling and ten times stronger.'

'That's…' I started when we both heard a shrieking scream coming from outside.

Both grandma and I looked at each other. She grabbed her lab coat and stethoscope from the edge of the bed and went outside to make something out of the commotion. I followed her as fast as my legs could take me. We saw nurses and doctors running towards Nancy's room.

'_Maybe another patient took her room…'_

I thought to myself, but as I arrived at the door and squeezed myself to see what was happening, I felt my whole body shaking. A shrill went down my spine, and my ears started ringing. She laid there lifeless with blood gushing out of her wrists. She was pale as the white tiles on the wall. Three doctors were aiding to her. My grandmother looked in shock, but soon recovered from it. She took her parameters and started CPR, while the other doctors, whom I didn't recognise, tried stopping the blood that was gushing from her wrists.

'Dammit! She's in V-tech!' I heard grandma shout while a nurse brought in the paddles, and handed them to her. 'Charge 200…. CLEAR…' She said as she shocked Nancy. 'Again!... Charge! 300! CLEAR!' She said again as she shocked her for the second time, but soon the monitor flat lined. My grandma stopped CPR, and looked at the doctor beside her.

'Time of death.' He said.

'18.45…' She finished, while the nurse wrote something down. 'Everyone… back to your room.' Grandma ordered as she tied the blooded wounds. 'Sera… you too dear…' She continued in a sad voice.

My legs couldn't take me anywhere… I felt weaker… and sadder… The only friend I made there… and she took her life… She said she was better… She told me about her plans… How could that happen? She was so keen on new experiences… she was so motivating… she…

'Sera…' one of the nurses came forward and held me from my hand. '…you need to get back to your room.'

'…but Grandma…'

'Please Sera… I'll be right with you…' She said while I saw Flynn enter the ward hurriedly.

* * *

'_guess that takes guts… something you don't seem to have…' _Her words kept replaying in my head. _'…you could have fought… you could have pulled it right back out… I did.'_

I sat down slowly still thinking. I didn't know what to do… All I knew was that I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to escape. Her words kept haunting me '_I did… I pulled it back out…'_. My hands were to the tube before I even knew it. I removed the tape slowly, and in one instant move, I pulled it our as hard as I could. I felt my insides tickle and burn, but finally it was out. I grabbed my clothes, in which I was admitted in, and took them to the bathroom. Soon the needle from my arm was also removed, and I was now wearing my clothes, not the pj's I had on. I checked the nurse's station from the window… and saw that nobody was there. They were still tending to Nancy's body. Flynn was in deep conversation with my grandma. It was easy like that.

I exited my room slowly without making any sound, and made my way to the emergency exit. Usually nobody passed from there. There were plenty of stairs to the outside. I started taking them as fast as my feet could take me. My head felt fuzzy and black dots kept messing up with my vision, but I kept going. Soon I was finally out from the emergency exit, to the back of the hospital.

I kept walking, and finally realized that I had nowhere to go… I wanted to go home… I want to be there… but… if my parents knew… they would take me back… I started walking slowly. My feet were getting tiring and heavier by the second. I was about to cross the road, when a car swiftly pressed its break.

'WATCH WERE YOU'RE GOING!' The driver shouted.

It gave me a shock, but I still continued walking. I decided to take the pavement… a safer way to walk… My breath felt shorter, and my vision got blurrier… All I saw was black.

* * *

**Grace's POV**

'We didn't see this coming! How did we miss this?'

'Grace, we both know Nancy wasn't reliable! It was her forth admission. She got some tricks up her sleeve.'

'John, I signed her discharge papers for tomorrow!' I discussed more worried than ever. '…and were the hell did she get the blades?'

'Grace, you know as much as I do that these disorders are very tricky…'

'…but we're doctors… if patients don't have trust in us that we can cure them… make them better… than what do we have left?'

'Other patients to tend do and to not repeat our mistakes.'

'I have to represent this to the board…' I said in defeat.

'It's not your fault… nobody noticed this… not even me! And I was her therapist.' He replied as he overlooked the nurse and stared at Nancy's empty face.

'You should go talk to my niece… She saw everything… this will put more stress to her…' I replied. 'I'll take it from here.'

'Grace… if you need anything… I'm here…' He offered.

'Yes…' I continued, as I signed some more papers. 'I'll call Christian…' I told him before he left.

My mind was still racing… usually hospitals are the safest place one can be in. If she could have sneaked in blades… than what about drugs? Anything that would harm them.

'Grace?' I heard John call me again, while I turned to face him. 'Did you take Sera up for tests or something?'

'No… why?'

'She's not in her room…' He replied perplexed, while I ran to see what he was saying. Her room was empty except for her phone on the cabinet. I checked the bathroom, and there I found the tubes… her disconnected IV… She was gone.

'Dammit! She escaped. Call security Flynn, I'll check the ward… she couldn't have gone far.' I ordered. 'Tell Carrick to contact Ana and Christian…'

* * *

I ran to the emergency room, hoping at least I would find something there… There was a whole commotion some Jane Doe had been admitted to hospital… 'Jane Doe…' I kept thinking… It couldn't be…

I moved forward towards the emergency room, and there she was, my niece lying lifeless on the bed. Doctors were around her. She had a mask on for oxygen, and was being tended to… She was seizing… My heart broke at the scene… but at least we found her.

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	47. Chapter 46

**Christian's POV**

'Mum! How could you lose her? She's surrounded by nurses!' I angrily shouted.

'Christian… Stop shouting! It's not helping anyone. A girl in the ward committed suicide. The whole staff was tending to the body, and the nurse's shift had just finished. Nobody noticed.'

'FUCK!'

'Christian, you need to sort your crap out… Don't blame it on us. Your kid had been unhappy for so long… you are the one that haven't noticed anything.' She hissed in a teeth wrenching voice.

'I know mother… I know… I've… I've read her journal…' I replied as I crumbled to the chair. 'I haven't been a father to her… Never have been.' I replied while she joined me.

'Christian, you have been… when she was younger… she always mentions you in that light…' She reasoned. '…and besides… one of you can stay with her… you both keep saying how you want to care… and yet you both leave her side and both at the same time. She can't be alone right now… she needs you… especially you Christian! You've pushed her away for so long.'

'Elliot and Kate needed us…'

'…That's no excuse Christian… Your own daughter needs you more… you are no longer a kid Christian… you cannot just control whatever you want… yes I understand you want this… this illness to go away… hell… I want Sera to get better… I miss my old granddaughter so very much… but we both know that this is something we cannot control…'

'I know mum… It's just…' I was about to start, when Ana joined us.

'Grace…' She started. '…she had a seizure? John just explained to me…'

'Yes… her blood glucose level dropped enormously low… it affected her heart… The seizure indicates an almost brain damage…'

'Brain damage!' I exclaimed. '…She's 17!'

'…and she's starving herself Christian… We have to put her on intravenous hyperalimentation… she needs large amounts of nutrients… we're trying to reverse all the damage that she had done to her body…'

'Why is she doing this?' Ana asked in defeat. '…she knows she's dying…'

'Ana… she can't see the damage she is doing to her body.'

'So what you're saying now, is that we have to wait and watch her die…' I replied feeling my heart rip from the insides.

'No Christian… that's not what I'm saying… all you need to both do, is make her feel loved… don't leave her alone at any moment… she needs to know that you want her…'

'Of course we want her mum… and she knows it as well…'

'Then keep showing her…' She finished.

* * *

**Sera's POV**

My body felt numb. My eyes were heavy, but I soon opened them. I tried remembering what happened that got me there again. I realised that my escape plan was full of imperfections which is why it got me back to the hospital.

I stood to a seating position, but little I knew that Flynn was waiting for me to get back into consciousness.

'Hey…' He started.

'What time is it?' I asked gently.

'About 2am.' He replied while I cracked my neck. 'Where were you going tonight?' He asked intrigued.

'Nowhere…'

'Well, that's where you ended up because you're too weak to go anywhere else…' He simply replied as he shifted his position. 'Want to talk?' He continued.

'No…'

'Are you hungry?' He asked again, while I gave him one of my father's stern look. 'I'm sorry; when I'm tired I ask silly questions…'

'Aren't you supposed to be home at this hour?' I asked slowly as I lied back down.

'Yes… but I've taken some night shifts here and there… and besides… you're not a regular patient… you're family…' He smiled.

'What about Walter and Derek? They need their father more than I need you…'

'Sera… why do you think that you don't need someone who wants to be there for you?'

'I don't know…'

'Let me make it simpler… You were perplexed because I stayed here waiting for you to wake up… Why don't you think you're worth this?'

'…because I'm nothing to you…' I replied as I curled in a ball. 'I've never quite welcomed you…'

'You may have never shown your affection… but for sure you love Walter and Derek.' He smiled as he moved forward and reached for my hand.

'Why are you so kind to me? Why do you care so much?'

'…Sera, you may not realise this… but you are a precious kid… and you are family to me… your grandparents had taken me under their wings and till I got married and had my own kids, they were constantly there for me. Then Christian had you… and I felt honoured to be the first one to hold you after your parents did… We go far back than you think Sera…'

'I didn't know this…' I replied, while he looked at the deck of cards on the cabinet.

'You play back gammon? Chess?' He started while I nodded in disagreement. 'Do you like puzzles?' He asked again. 'I like puzzles… couldn't get enough of them when I was a kid. I used to collect them… my brother… he'd hide the pieces. I just had about the puzzle complete; I couldn't find the missing pieces… I think it amused him to watch me staring about… Trying to find two pieces of a white cloud…'

'I'm tired John…' I whined seeing that the story probably had some moral to it.

'…and then, when I get tired of looking for the missing pieces I cry, and he would bring me the missing pieces, and he would laugh and he always said 'you're too young for puzzles… if you cry over missing pieces.' He finished. 'Do you know what I learnt from him? The moral of the story?'

'What?' I now asked intrigued.

'Nothing… absolutely nothing… I still fight the wall when I don't find the missing pieces till this very same day…'

'I suppose there is a message in all of this…'

'No… none… I just wanted to see if you were listening… Sera, you say you're not sick, and you want to go home… and you do run away… but you don't have the strength to cross the street… that is a puzzle…'

'Let me go… I don't want to stay here…' I said in defeat.

'You are not Nancy!'

'She was getting out of here…She was cured…' I continued as I stared at the ceiling

'No… she wasn't cured…The rule said she could leave if she was into no immediate physical danger… but she wasn't cured.'

'She had plans… she told me.'

'I know… but she deceived all of us. Her plans… her sense of humour… All a con... She couldn't share her fears and rituals like you have… she quit…'

'You don't feel anything…' I said in tears.

'I feel… I feel loss… lost… I couldn't get to her in time… I couldn't save her…'

'It hurts…'

'I know Sera… but you hang in there… You're going to get well… I promise…' He smiled. 'Now get some sleep… you'll feel better… and I'll be around if you want to talk to me.' He finished as he squeezed my hand and left the room.

**Christian's POV**

'Mum… I…' I was at a loss of words… I didn't know what to say anymore. I didn't know what to do, think, feel… I was lost…

'Christian, you need to make her feel in a family… you have to make her feel loved.' She explained while John joined us.

'She's up Grace.'

'How is she?'

'She's weak… she needs to get her strength back to respond to therapy…' He urged.

'Can we see her?' Ana asked.

'Yeah… sure… and I suggest that one of you should stay here for the night.' He continued as he handed the file to my mother.

'I'll stay… I need to fix my relationship with her…' I replied as I rubbed my face. 'Ana, you go home… Sawyer will drive you… Get me some clothes with you tomorrow baby.' I finished while I had Sawyer already on the phone.

'Ana, you both need to be there for her now more than ever.'

'I know… I know John…'

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	48. Chapter 47

**Christian's POV**

I made my way towards my daughter's room, hoping to find her peacefully resting, but on contraire, she was wide awake, counting the tiles and scratching her fingers. The sheets on her were barely moving with every breath she took. It was her continuous blinking that made me realise that she was still alive.

Her cheeks bones were jutting out along with her collar bones… the more time passed, she seemed to be losing more and more weight… I didn't realise it had gone this far. She kept trying to find a comfortable position but she couldn't.

'Hey peanut…' I smiled as I moved forward to her.

'Hi Daddy…' She replied almost scared of me.

'Hey… what are you scared of peanut?'

'I… dad… I'm sorry… please don't hate me!' She begged. I could see fear in her eyes… she feared me and that broke me. I did this to her…

'Why should I hate you baby?' I gently asked as I moved forward and dropped a kiss on her forehead.

'…because…I escaped…'

'I know you're unhappy here… but you need to get better baby girl… ok?'

'Can you stay daddy?' Her voice was so tiny… It was like I was holding a 5 year old in my arm, not my almost adult daughter. She was broken in so many ways, but she wanted me.

'If you want me too I will…' I smiled. '…but you need to sleep.'

'I… I can't… everything hurts. I'm cold…'

'That's because you have no fat insulating you!' I replied while I moved her gently and took my shoes off. I removed my belt and jacket and went in bed with her. I held her close to me, and passed my fingers through her thick hair, but soon realised that her hair was weak. It wasn't her usual hair… I looked at my fingers, and locks of her curls were in my hand. It made me sick to the stomach. She was losing her hair. I hugged her closer to me, but was afraid that my grip would break her bones. I could count all her ribs, the bones in her spine. I rubbed her back gently, trying to make her more comfortable.

'Daddy?'

'Mhmm?' I replied as she took me out of my thoughts.

'I love you…' She stated as she hid her face into my chest. It had been a very long time since I've last heard her say it. I hugged her tighter, and felt tears watering my eyes.

'I love you too kiddo… so very much.' I replied in a broken voice. My voice betrayed me. I hugged her tighter, not wanting to let go… I didn't want to lose her at any cost. She's my everything.

'_Please God, just help us!'_

* * *

**Sera's POV**

'No, no way in hell you're getting that into me!' I screamed.

'Sera, you need this!' Grandpa Carrick insisted.

'No Grandpa… I don't need this!' I shouted back, while John tried to calm me.

'Sera, you'll die if you don't have this…' Flynn tried insisting while dad came in.

'Daddy… Please tell them… Please take me out of here.'

'Sweet heart, get back in bed.'

'Daddy, I know they told you I wasn't eating, and that I've been disconnecting all my IV's, and maybe you know… that's true!' I insisted while he guided me to bed. '…but you don't know what it's like dad!'

'I'll be waiting here for you after they get this all over and done with.'

'Please stay daddy… I promise I'll eat…'

'Sweet heart… It's too late… you need this… I'll be here waiting for you after surgery… ok?' He replied as he kissed my forehead, and held me in bed.

* * *

I woke up with a stinging sensation underneath my collarbone. I didn't want this… I know I can do this on my own… but this… this made me feel incompetent… they didn't trust me… nobody did… I just wanted to join Nancy…

'Hey baby!' Dad started. 'How are you feeling?'

'Tired…' I replied slowly as I damped my lips with my own saliva.

'Are you thirsty?'

'… a bit…' I replied while he went to fill me a glass of water.

'Here baby.' He said as he helped me up and brought the glass to my lips. I took few sips, but soon was starting to feel nauseated. I stopped drinking, but dad encouraged me to take few more sips, and after almost drinking half of the glass I stopped.

'Why did you let them?' I asked.

'Sera, you're very sick… I'm afraid for you right now… I don't want to lose you.'

'Daddy…'

'Yes?'

'I…' I was about to start. '…nothing…'

'Ok…' He smiled while he came beside me and hugged me to him. I rested my head to his chest, and closed my eyes. 'Sleep baby… I won't leave your side… I promise.'

* * *

Nancy's words soon came back to mind. '_It's really easy to fool them around here…_ _now we have to let them think you are safe too…_ _you put on enough weight till they think you're better, once you're out, you'll lose it again… no big deal…'_

'_Yes… no big deal…' I smiled to myself. I only had to play the part, and everything will be ok, once I get out of there._

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	49. Chapter 48

**Sera's POV**

The days passed, soon turning into weeks. The IV in my neck was making me itchy, but it was having its effects. I gained 15 pounds in 2 weeks and although they said I was still underweight, I could feel myself fatter. Fatter than I already was.

I was discharged, on contraire of everybody's wishes...but according to the rule I could be discharged for outpatient visits. I could hear their arguments … although they were in an undertone… but still… Although my grandparents wanted for me to still be an inpatient, they had rules and regulations to follow.

It was a week since I went back home, and things had gone fairly the same to before I was in hospital. My parents were back to their life confined in their work, while I was stuck at home for a few days... But soon returned back to school... It was 3 weeks since I last went to lessons, and I had to catch up on things.

'Morning Grey!' Natalie came running to me and hugged me tight.

'Hey!' I smiled. 'Easy there!'

'How are you feeling?' She smiled.

'I'm fine… I'm great actually!' I smiled, while she hit me hard in the arm. 'OUCH! What was that for Nat?'

'For scaring the crap out of me! I thought you were dead… you… you!'

'Sorry Nat… I was just tired.'

'Sera… don't lie… my dad told me you… you're anorexic…'

'…but I'm fine now…' I smiled, while she gave me her doubt look. 'Really!' I insisted.

'Ok… but I'm keeping an eye on you missy… you still look … sick…

'Thanks!' I replied, while we made our way to the lockers. 'How are things with you and Mark?'

'We're on a break…'

'What? Why?' She caught me off guard.

'You have to promise me you won't tell my father.' She insisted, while we both closed our lockers and made our way to the classroom. 'I had 2 pregnancy scares last month…'

'What?'

'Yeah… and I got really scared… to the point where I scared Mark… We didn't know what to do…'

'So you take a break?'

'No… no… it's just… Our relationship got a bit too physical too soon… and please don't tell me I told you so… I know… but I'm testing Mark to see if he'll wait for me…'

'…and till now?'

'He wants me back… tomorrow is the end of the break.'

'What will the conclusion be?'

'I want to be with him… we just have to be super extra careful next time we…'

'Ok Ok, Natalie! I may be your almost sister but that is way too much information!' I smiled while I opened the class room door.

'Sera…'

'Yeah…' I smiled while we took our usual front seats.

'I'm glad you're back… I missed you here…' She smiled. '…please, be safe!'

'I am Natalie… Don't worry.'

Back at home it was a constant war… between me and my thoughts… The voice kept telling me what to do, and I simply complied. _'Just lose it all back…' _Nancy's words came back to mind. My parents still weren't home, and I decided to weigh myself. I had to be extra careful this time. I had to hide my weight loss better. I went on the scale, and realised that I had already dropped 6 pounds. It was getting better, but the mirror still showed the opposite.

I smiled at the scale, but soon cleared it as I heard my parents down in the kitchen. I exited the bathroom quick, and made a note on the inside of my closet. The number kept decreasing. From 85, I was already down to 79… I had plenty more to go… but at least I felt back in control.

'Sera?' I heard my mother call me.

'Coming!' I replied, while I quickly wore a baggy shirt, and let my hair up into a pony tail. That would hide my little weight loss… I went downstairs hoping that at least, they would say they're tired and would like to go and rest, but to my unlucky stars, they remained.

'Dinner is ready.' Dad said, while I went beside them. Dad made it a must that I sit beside him… like that he made sure what I ate… It was getting harder to ditch him… but tricks were always up my sleeve. I sat down, and gulped a glass of water. Soon the vegetables and chicken were served from Gail. Although the smell was intoxicating, it still made me feel sick. Both of them started dinner, and I deliberately took some vegetables. I let them lose themselves into conversation. That way they would be too busy to notice anything. Soon dinner ended up in a work debate. My mother had to go for a week in France, and in the same week, my father her had to leave to New York for some business. They tried compromising but soon, they ended up fighting.

'Ana, you know I can't miss this!' He argued as he took another sip from his wine.

'Christian, I already had postponed this meeting ages ago! I cannot miss this again! SIP needs this editor!'

'Dammit Ana! Can't you send someone else?'

'I am the one who owns the company, I have to go Christian! I'm sure you understand… you have no board to answer too, but I do… and I have employees under me.'

Their argument continued till their voices were too high, that they were almost fighting. They always managed to make an argument on the littlest things. Their relationship went better for a couple of days, but soon went back to the other end of the scale. I left the table and joined Gail. I helped her with the dishes, and we talked a bit… it was more she talked and I stood there listening…nodding at some point, agreeing at others, but my mind was racing… racing to a place where I always loved to go.

'Sera, are you ok?' She asked, as she noticed I wasn't paying attention.

'Yeah… I'm fine…' I smiled.

'Sera…' She said again in worry.

'Really… I'm fine…' I answered back. 'Um… I'm going back to my room…. Please, when they finish, could you tell them that I said good night please?'

'Yes Sera… Do you need anything?'

'No thanks… just some quiet… so I'll study…' I smiled while I made my way to my room.

That morning, I had managed to find another journal at the stationary, and I thought on a different hiding place. This time, the best way I could hide it was if I carried it with me wherever I went… and that was the decision… I had to never leave it at home.

_Dear Bert,_

_Long time no talk…. It's been a bit since we've last talked. I'm sorry for my parents discovering you… I was careless… Many things have happened since then… but now… everything is back to normal… they barely noticed I was still beside them when they started arguing again… I don't want to own a company if it will make me like them… As Tennyson said, ''Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…' Guess… it's not for them._

_I'm doing it… this morning I skipped breakfast… it was easy… I only have to wake up a bit late, so that I won't have time to have anything. During lunch in school, I'm taking extra lab sessions, to catch up on what I lost, and dinner… well… as you see what happened… 6 down 15 more to go… I've got a long way to go…_

_No matter what it is… I have to do this… I have to be perfect… I have to be better at this… I want to make my parents proud of me… I want to be PERFECT…_

_I'll write later…_

_Love... xx_

* * *

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	50. Chapter 49

It was almost march then and the winter was just getting started... Thunder and lightening broke the clear sky, and soon rain started to pour at it's best. I remembered how I used to love and go into the rain back when I was younger, and splash in every puddle, until my mother would get worried that I'll get a cold and she would order me to go back inside... Unless dad joined into the puddle wash.

I kept staring at the window during the lesson. English was getting tiring these days. Keeping on studying Shakespeare wasn't helping and the way Monroe taught literature was too old.

'As you know, A Midsummer night's dream, had occurred in only one night... Who can tell me what Shakespeare meant in line 59?' he asked while no one took the initiative to answer.

'Natalie!' he said while he moved towards our table. '...you seem to really know the answer, and I think you are texting it too.' he continued while he snatched the phone from her hand and read the text out loud.

_'Damn can't take this lecture anymore... We should ditch Sera! He's an idiot… can't he realize that the class is half asleep?!'_

'Mhmmm... As I see this lesson tires you, then you should leave the room right now Natalie...' he said while he came to face me. 'You too missy!'

'But I didn't do anything Sir!' I defended.

'You're an accomplice... Now off you go... Both of you...'

'...but sir! It's not fair!'

'i know... Which is why I'm not assigning the detention to you too... I want to show that for every decision that she makes, there will be repercussions!... Now off you go... Sera, I expect to see you during lunch to catch up this lesson and the rest.' he ordered while we both took our stuff and left the class.

'Sera!' Natalie said while we were out.

'What were you thinking Natalie?' I said in utter surprise... 'I've never been kicked out of a class before!'

'I'm sorry Sera, but you cannot possibly say it was the best lesson!'

'True...you do have a point a there...' I smiled while I fixed my glasses on.

'Come on...' she continued while she grabbed me from my arm.'...let's go to lunch... We can have an early and longer lunch...' she smiled.

'I can't Nat... I still have plenty of things to do... I'm off to the library...'

'Sera, you haven't had anything today...'

'Nataliee… Please don't start again!' I whined

'I'm just saying Sera... You seem to be losing too much weight again, and your face has a sickly shade of grey...'

'I'm fine Natalie...' I replied while I placed my bag on my shoulder.

'Sera... I'm just worried...'

'Nat, I promise... I'm fine...I'll eat something later and besides I had this huge breakfast...' I replied.

'yeah... Ok I guess...'

'...besides you can have some time with your baby...*wink wink nudge nudge*'

'mhmmm' she smiled I'll give you details later...' she called across the corridor while she ran to the canteen.

* * *

In contrast with home, the library had a better environment. It was quiet, peaceful… better than here… At home, it was all constant fights… constant shouting… it was getting more tiring than ever. They didn't even notice I went out running that night. I went to the playground, where kids play, but at that hour, it was deserted. I climbed up and down the stairs and ran around. I continued the whole lap, and went back to the stairs. I had to keep going for a certain amount of numbers, until I finished them, and had to do them all over.

I kept climbing up and down the stairs, but soon my legs got fatigued during the last lap. I had fallen face forward on the fifth step, and my feet were burning. I cried at the pain… both physical and emotional… I couldn't take it anymore… I just wanted everything to end.

I tried standing up and after a couple of tries, I managed to stand straight on my feet. I headed slowly back home, only to find Taylor running catching up to me.

'Where the hell were you Sera?' He shouted at my face.

'I went for a run Taylor! It's no big deal.' I replied as I tried holding my ground.

'Your parents are worried sick… you could have told someone that you were going for a run!'

'Taylor I'm fine.' I replied again as he held me from quickly from my shoulder.

'Damn! What happened to you?'

'Nothing Taylor… Please stop fussing!' I asked again as we both made our way to the elevator. 'How are my parents?'

'You'll see…' Was his only response.

'Great!'

* * *

'Sera Elizabeth Grey!' My mother screamed. 'Where the hell were you?'

'For the 2nd time… I went for a run mum…' I replied. 'I tried telling you and dad, but both of you were busy…'

'Sera, we're sorry we didn't notice… but you cannot just go run alone… and at this hour!' Dad replied with worry in his eyes.

'Dad I'm fine!'

'…and what's this I hear… you're missed your therapy session today?' He changed his tone to a more serious one, while he crossed his hands to his chest.

'I had extra lessons dad… I couldn't miss them…' I replied while I sat down. 'Please can I go to my room? I have plenty of things to finish before I go to bed.'

'Ok…' My mother said. '…but you're grounded.'

'Grounded? For what?'

'For going out without telling us, and for not taking your phone.' Dad ordered.

'Fine…' I replied. 'I have my swimming game tomorrow… are you coming?'

'At what time?'

'4pm…'

'Umm… We have a meeting sweetheart…' My mother said, as she moved forward to me. 'You know we'll come if we can…'

'Yeah…' I replied as I let my head drop.

'Sera… we're very sorry…'

'Yeah… right…'

* * *

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	51. Chapter 50

'Come on Sera!' Natalie insisted... 'We still haven't warmed up...'

'Who wanted to stop for a smooch with the boyfriend?' I teased.

'Ok... Fine...but he's good luck...' she smiled, while she looked behind her, and saw that Taylor was in the front seat. She waved at him and I saw him smile back at her from the corner of my eye. I couldn't understand why she grumbled about her overprotective father who's willing to be there for her every second of the way... I wish I had that... But I also understood that my parents owned their own company, which resulted into more stress and pressure on them to be perfect... I only had to support them...

'Sera!' Natalie said again while I went down into a split.

'What!'

'I was talking to you...' she replied while she joined me in the split.

'Sorry... Was thinking...' I replied. 'You were saying?'

'I told you not to tell dad about my smooching and that I stopped at Mark's.'

'Natalie... You don't have to keep reminding me... I never tell him anything... Unless, of course, it's something that will kill you... Like the idea you had on trying marijuana and weed... Ohhh and smoking...' I teased while I stood up and stretched my back. 'Sometimes I do wonder... Where do you get these ideas?'

'Hey… I want to try things!'

'...but not drugs! I know I'm not perfect, but those are really addicting and dangerous!... Besides, wouldn't Prescott tell him?'

'Ok…ok... Fine... You made your point Sera...' she tried to brush it off. '...however, you may be not doing drugs, but you are getting way too thin Sera... and no… whenever I'm with you, Prescott is off…'

'No, I'm not Natalie...' I replied while cracked my arm. '… so let me get this straight… Prescott is off because I'm with you?' I asked perplexed.

'Yeah… dad is you're on your tail, so if I'm with you, it means that he's also on mine…'

'I see…' I replied while I fixed my swimming suit.

'Sera... You looked better when you fainted... You look like a ghost now...'

'Thanks!' I replied almost hurt.

'It's the truth Sera... I never see you eat.' She stated worriedly.

'Natalie... I eat tonnes... But please, can we stop about this? I need to concentrate... I have a valuable opponent today.' I smiled.

'I do too!' she laughed.

'Yeah right Natalie! You're the fastest one on the team... You will win for sure!'

'Don't hold your breath too long Grey...' she continued while we both made our way to the benches. 'Between...Where are your parents?'

'Stuck at work... They had a meeting...'

'Ohh...'

'It's fine... At least better than they arguing...'

'How are they ... You know... In their relationship?'

'They're ok I guess... Now it's more of work arguments that they're having...'

'...at least they didn't get a divorce Sera... My mother was tired of dad having to go on service whenever needed... She gave up waiting...'

'...but they love you Natalie... And your parents seem to be quite great with each other, right?

'Yes... That's true... they still are good together…and they never leave me alone… it's just that now they're open to new relationships.' She smiled.

'And are they taking them?'

'Nope… They want to keep me in a good family environment, with only one mother and one father… Mum tried dating a couple of times... and she said it never worked... Dad said that he doesn't want to get me all confused…' She replied. 'Mum still loves dad… Whenever he comes home for the weekend, or even for holidays, she is excited as if she's going on her first date.'

'Why don't they get back together?'

'I don't know Sera… I don't know…' Natalie sadly replied. 'I just wish for them to be happy… you know… I miss dad at home… but at least, I see him every day… and they don't fight on whom to get me on which days.'

'I'd rather my parents had a divorce…' I replied while I rested my back to the cold tiles. '…I think they would be better off like that.'

'Whom do you want to get custody?'

'I don't know... but I'm soon 18…'

'Sera, you're 18 next November… you can choose for yourself… When I get 18 next month, I can choose custody.'

'…and what are you going to do?'

'I'm good as I am.' She replied while the coach came in front of us disturbing our conversation.

'Natalie, Sera, you are to get ready on the planks.' She ordered.

'Yes coach…' We nonchalantly said.

'Come on Sera…' Natalie smiled while we hugged each other. 'Let's kick some butts!'

* * *

We both took our places on the planks. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. I felt my heart beating faster than ever, but I had to keep calm. The horn was soon blown, and in an instant there were clear splashes of water. We all started rowing fast, and in few seconds, we managed to do first half lap.

It's amazing how things turn out to be. People… parents cheering for their kids, and they are pampered. I wished my parents were there… in the crowd… I used to look at a certain point during every performance… every game… to see them wave and cheer… but now… it's nothing… I want to have them back… I love my parents so very much, and yet, they still haven't quite recovered from Mrs. Robinson.

I remember, after that happened, she came to find me in school. I remember both my parents being furious. Dad had literally almost cut her head off, and I think I had never seen my mother that angry to her. She still wanted dad. She still wanted him for her things … that's how my mother explained it. I couldn't understand it that time… and I still cannot understand many things they have in their lives, but I think it had to do something with dad's past. He has scars all over his chest… I tried asking him about them… but… they always avoided the question by saying I'm too young to understand certain things… maybe I'm not so young after all…

* * *

Soon the race finished, and Natalie was already up. She came first, followed by Nadine. I heard Natalie cheering for me to make it to the third place, and I did it. I smiled at my accomplishment. I never managed to get into 3rd place… but the motivation from Natalie helped. We hugged each other tight and cheered for each other. I knew Natalie could make it… she is the best… and I'm glad I'm her best friend… sisters for life…

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	52. Chapter 51

**Sera's POV**

Like every past year, we never missed Grandma's Grace Birthday. All the family always made it a must that we plan a party for her. She never liked celebrating her birthday in a restaurant. She loved the family, and she wanted to celebrate the start of her new age with all of us. This time, it was our turn to do the party. Last year it was at Uncle Elliot's. It was a great one. However, Aunt Kate made things a bit too much. She panicked in everything, and needed the help of my mum, but it was fun working with my aunt for grandma's birthday.

It was at around 4pm that I decided to take a shower, and start to get ready. I know how my parents were when it came to time and punctuality, and tonight was one of those special nights. I stripped naked, and stepped on the scale before entering the shower. I smiled to myself. It was getting lower, and lower than it was before. It was finally down to 68.2.

'_Few more, and I'll Perfect.'_

I thought to myself. I felt a momentarily happiness, but the smile soon faded away, when I turned around taking a look at the mirror. I was still fat. I couldn't stand the sight. I wanted to break the mirror… but I couldn't… I was a failure… a failure at anything…

* * *

**Ana's POV**

I was helping Gail, preparing everything before the whole family arrived. I wished my parents to be here. They always loved this… but this time of year, they decided to take a trip to Europe. It had brushed on us, when we spent 2 years in Italy. We loved the climate, beach, culture, food. It was one of the best years we had there… but here I'm happy. I have Christian… and he's everything to me. We're almost back to what we were before. Our fights decreased… but we still argue and they do take a toll on me… but as my mother would say… 'Marriage is a closed box…' Guess she is right…

Taylor came quickly running into the living room, telling us that Elliot and Kate arrived. I wondered how Clarissa was doing… Last time I've seen her, she was broken… She loved the kid… It is a mother's instinct after all.

'Tell them to come in…' My husband ordered. '… and Taylor… you can join if you want tonight.'

'Thanks Sir, but I have to take Natalie out tonight.' He replied. 'Sawyer will be taking over tonight.'

'Ok… but the offer is still open if you want to join us later.' Christian continued.

'You're a major part of this family.' I added.

'Thanks Mrs. Grey… but I really can't tonight…'

'We understand Taylor…' Christian said again, while he gave him one of his compassionate smiles. '…Give our regards to Natalie.'

'Thanks Sir.' He replied while he made his way out, and soon after Elliot and Kate all joined us.

They all seemed in their usual family coordination. Clarissa looked better than I had last seen her. She had that smile back, and her eyes were full of light again. Unlike my daughter's… she's enclosed in this dark place… but she doesn't seem to be losing weight…

'Ana!' Kate took me out of my thoughts.

'Kate! How are you?'

'I'm better… we're all better.' She smiled. 'Do you need any help?'

'Yes please.' I replied as I handed her the napkins to fold. 'How's Clarissa?'

'She's better. Flynn helped a lot…' She smiled back. 'Elliot was still angry with Clarissa, although he accepted her pregnancy… but when he saw her in that state… I never saw him like that.'

'Kate you have to learn one thing… Men all seem tough… unless the moment of truth comes.'

'What about Christian?'

'We talked… he was honest… and we kind of fixed everything… we only have little more work to do.' I smiled back while I saw Christian winking at me while sipping his scotch with Elliot. 'We're better…'

'…and Sera?'

'She seems ok…'

'What do you mean 'seems'?

'She's still not talking… she stopped going to therapy… I'm worried… We are both worried… but we're giving her space… her world was turned upside down…'

'Ana…' She started, while John and his family came in, and joined us all. The men went straight to each other, while the kids joined Clarissa and Ava. They always loved playing together. They were attached to the hip. I loved seeing them like that. I miss my own days with my daughter. She's grown up so fast, and had to mature beyond her age. Rhian came to help us as well. We were caught up in every conversation, until Gail came.

'Mrs. Grey, should I take Sera's dress up to her?' She asked gently.

'No need. I'll take it, and please, tonight call me Ana. You're a guest not an employee tonight.' I replied. 'Um… would you mind if you finish these please while I take this up to Sera?' I asked.

'Yes sure.' They smiled.

* * *

I went up to my daughter's room, with the dress in my hand. I knocked slowly on her door, while I entered. She was still coming out of the bathroom in her underwear. I dropped the dress on the floor. I stared at her. She … she was worse than before… Only skin was covering her bones, and it seemed like her bones were going to tear her skin like a piece of paper. Her hip bones jutted out… Her legs didn't even seem legs… She had become a skeleton.

'Oh My God! Oh Sera! What's that?' I asked in utter horror.

'What's what mum?' She asked not seeming to know what I was talking about.

'Oh my God!...' I kept repeating. I took few deep breaths, and tried calming myself down… but I couldn't… How did I miss this… again? How did we do this?

I stormed out of the room immediately, leaving her dumbstruck behind me. I had to tell Christian… I had to… I ran down the stairs, and made my way to Christian.

'Christian!'

'…It's the forth ticket this month… I think the police are holding a grudge on me.' I heard Elliot say.

'Christian!' I said again, while this time he took notice, and caught me with open arms. He could see my pained face, and swiftly went into alert mode.

'What?'

'Christian!' I replied as I burst into tears into his arms, not even realising that Grace and Carrick had arrived, and joined Rhian, Kate, and Gail.

'What is it Ana? What's wrong?' He urged gently.

'All those baggy clothes she wore, she must have hid it.'

'What happened? Tell me what happened Ana.'

'She's a skeleton… I don't think she weighs 80 pounds… Every bone… every rib… '

'Calm down…' He tried again.

'Oh my God… What is happening to her?' I panicked.

'Let's wait… We'll see when she comes down…' He tried reassuring me, while all of us moved to the living room, where everybody was. We greeted Grace and Carrick, but they also noticed the tension.

She came down the stairs slowly, holding to railing. He fingers seemed so little, like a tiny girl, still learning how to go down the stairs. Her legs wobbled at times. Her dress was barely fitting her. If it wasn't for slim fit, it would have fallen off her. I looked at Christian, and I saw the colour draining from his face.

'You see what I mean Christian?'

'She's very sick Ana!' Elliot replied shocked.

'You have to talk to her…' John added. 'She needs to get back into therapy.'

'Happy Birthday Grandma!' She said while she moved forward and hugged her. I could see Grace's face turn into a different expression. She was almost scared of hugging her. Everybody stared at her frail body. We missed this… She pulled it off. I held on to Christian strongly. There would have been no blood shed if his head was cut off. She looked towards us and waved at us slowly.

Walter and Ava went running straight to her. They both jumped on her, but she almost fell over, if it wasn't for Carrick to hold her for support. Everybody seemed afraid to touch her. We were losing our daughter… and the worst part… we didn't notice…

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	53. Chapter 52

**Sera's POV**

Everybody was staring... I felt uncomfortable with all the looks... But I couldn't control it. Walter and Ava soon came to me, while Derek was still lost playing with Clarissa. Both seemed to be getting heavier, and for the first time, I couldn't lift Walter up past my knees. He was heavier than I last remember him.

'You're growing up so fast little guy!' I joked while I let them drag me to the couch.

'Nowww! I'm not a wittle guy!'

'Walter, you have to learn those 'l' sounds.' I replied as I lifted him off slowly, with a lot of effort onto my lap, when we went to the couch.

'…but… I've been twying!'

'… and also those 'r' sounds Walter.' I replied as I removed his hair from his eyes. 'Say this… Little Lucy likes lots of lollipops to lick.'

'Wittle Lucy likes wots of lollipop to wick.' He replied. I smiled at his replay. He managed to get some of the 'L' but not all. It was cute seeing him to try.

'Tell us another one Sera!' Ava replied, while she sat on Clarissa.

'Mhm… Round and round the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran.'

'Wound and round the rugged wrocks the wragged rascal ran.' All of them said in unison. Both Clarissa and I laughed at their response. They were kids, and once, we all were like them… innocent and only fun. Not worrying about the future… only about the current things they are doing. They live in the present not in the future.

'Sera…' Derek said.

'Yes honey?'

'Will you be my girlfriend?' He asked as usual.

'Didn't you have another girl at school?' I asked amused.

'Well… yes… but she wanted me to share my sweets with her, and I didn't want to. We are not friends.'

'Derek, you should share what you have…' I replied. 'In the future, you may want someone to share with you, and they will share with you only if they remember that you were kind to them. You may find people willing to help you no matter what… but those people are very rare today Derek.'

'What is 'rare' Sera?' Ava asked.

'It's how they eat meat!' Walter replied. 'My mum always orders her meat medium to ware!' He replied. Again, both Clarissa and I laughed. I expected something else, but not this… Walter was a true observer… just like his father.

'Walter, that is another kind of 'rare'…' I smiled, while Clarissa took over.

'Rare means when you won't be able to find something that doesn't occur often…' She complied. 'For example, I will tickle you Ava…' She started while she tickled her sister. '…but I won't do this every time, so that you won't get used to tickling…'

'Stop it Clarissa!' Ava replied while laughing.

'Sewa, I'm thirsty…' Walter whined.

'I'll go get you something to drink… ok?' I smiled, while I sat him down gently. I couldn't feel my legs, they were numb from Walter's weight, but finally the blood flow returned, and I could feel them again. 'You guys want something to drink?' I asked, while all of them nodded.

'You Clarissa?'

'Some wine would be fine Sera.' She smiled while I made my way to the kitchen.

* * *

**John's POV**

I overlooked my two sons from the corner of my eye, and realized how much she struggled to lift Walter up… He weighs as much as little as 45 pounds. Even Derek carries him around at home. I had to get her alone for a second to talk to her…

Soon I realized that she was making her way to the kitchen. I decided to take my chance.

'I'll be right back…' I told Rhian before I made my move.

I went to the kitchen and stayed a couple of meters away from her. Trying to see what she was about to do. She stopped to halt immediately as she saw the set table. It was like a ghost was in front of her that stopped her, but she soon composed herself, and went to her ordeal.

* * *

**Sera's POV**

It was going to be a long hard night. Everybody was there… I couldn't just ditch as usual… but desperate situations call for desperate measures… I had to take out all my armor to protect myself.

I decided to continue going to my chore. I found the soft drink bottles, and they were still closed. Guess all adults had alcohol. I prepared the glasses and tried opening one of them, but soon was joined.

'Hey…' Someone said, while I turned around, looking back at Flynn.

'Geez! You scared me!' I replied while I turned back to my chore.

'Sorry… didn't mean too…' He replied while he opened some liquor and started making his own drink, while he noticed me struggling with opening the bottle. 'You need help with that?'

'No…' I replied. '… I can do it.'

'You know Sera, there is no shame in asking for help at times.'

'I can do it Flynn…' I replied again.

'We're back to the surname?' He asked while he caught my bottle before it hit the ground.

'Sorry… I didn't mean…'

'No worries Sera…' He smiled, while he handed me the open bottle of coke. 'Here.'

'Thanks…' I smiled, while I took it for his hands.

'You stopped coming to therapy… why?' He asked while he mended to his drink.

'Um… I… I've been busy with school. You know… I had to catch up with everything I've lost, and now MCAT's are behind the door.'

'Oh… I see…' He replied while I finished the 4 glasses.

'I'll better get back…' I started while I tried holding the 4 glasses, but soon felt two strong arms on my shoulder.

'Sera, you don't have to be like this…'

'Fl… John… I'm fine… I promise…' I smiled.

'Ok… I'll help you out with those.' He continued as he took two glasses from my hand while holding his liquor in the other hand.

* * *

Soon it was time for dinner. Everybody took his seat. As usual, I took my seat beside my dad, and my mother on his other side. Grandma and Grandpa took their seats opposite to my parents along with Gail, while Walter, Derek, Ava and Clarissa, were beside me, joined by Uncle Elliot and Aunt Kate. On the other hand, John and Rhian took their seats opposite to me.

I felt uncomfortable with all the hassle around. It was harder to concentrate… all the talking… all the looks… I just wanted to melt and disappear and not exist anymore… Soon the dishes were served, and everybody dug in. I could see my father looking at me at times, and I could see his hand twitching, along with his pursed lips.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

She kept cutting her dish into smaller pieces… until it couldn't even be recognized as food, but only as a paste. It scared me what she was doing with her fork. She was lost in her own world, full of control… full of thoughts. I couldn't take it anymore… I had to do something.

I went forward to her ear and whispered. 'Sera… will you please eat?' I hissed.

I saw her tense up, and it hurt seeing her afraid of me. I'm her father… she's supposed to feel safe with me… but instead, fear crept all across her face, but she soon recovered. I saw her take one little bite of her beans. She kept cutting her food, but soon dinner finished, and she was the first one to go to the bathroom.

We had to talk to her that night.

* * *

After all guests left, and we were left to our confines, we started clearing up. We all helped Gail getting all cutlery in the dish washer, and as she went to bed, it was time that both Ana and I intervened.

'Sera, we need to talk…' Ana started… 'Please sit…'

'Mum… I'm tired…'

'I know sweet heart… It's not going to take long.' She said again.

'What is going on?' I asked as I took a seat in front of her. 'Why are you doing this to yourself?'

'What do you mean?' She asked, not seeming to know what we are talking about.

'There must be something wrong…something bothering you…and if you tell us what it is we can help you…' Ana suggested.

'I don't know what it is…' She replied again while she rested her back to the chair.

'You're hurting yourself.' Ana continued.

'I know… I know mum…'

'I'm not going to put up with this young lady… it's got to stop…' I urged.

'Ok… I know.'

'We have to hear from you that you're going to start to eat!' I said again.

'Dad, I do eat…'

'You don't eat enough to feed a mouse… you have to eat normally, like a normal person…' Ana confronted.

'Alright… I will… I will…'

'You mean that? I want your word on this!' Ana insisted again.

'I mean it mum… I didn't know that I was worrying you guys this much… Please you've got to believe me… everything is going to be ok… I promise…'

'Ok…'

'Can I be excused now? I'm very tired.' She asked again almost scared of us.

'Yeah…'

'Thank you…' she replied while she made her way to her room.

* * *

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	54. Chapter 53

This Chapter is dedicated to jessica2319 :)

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I was at my office, still thinking, and staring outside my window overseeing the world underneath me. I had everything… Wealth… Love… a family… a home… and yet, I was still losing the most precious thing I was gifted with… and for the second time, I missed this… we missed this… she promised she'll eat… but till now I haven't seen any improvement, and it's been a week since.

Ana and I still don't talk about it… we're giving her space…tough love doesn't work… and she is avoiding therapy… she doesn't want therapy… she's convinced she's fine… but is she?

'Mr. Grey?' Samantha took me out of my thoughts. 'Mr. Grey is here to see you. He said he has some drawings he wants to show you…'

'Yes, let him in…' I dismissed her while Elliot came in. 'Elliot… you could have come to my home, and shown me everything.'

'I didn't only come for these.' He replied, as he handed me the scrolls, while he sat down, across me.

'What is it?' I asked, seeing his forehead beginning to frown.

'Ok, what the hell is going on?' He started.

'What do you mean?'

'What do I mean? I call up, you don't call back… and I get Sera, and she said she's going to school, ballet and swimming?'

'Ana and I had a very serious talk with her after mum's birthday, and she promised she'd eat… now you know Sera… A promise is a promise with her Elliot… she's very trustworthy… it will be fine…'

'Well, I think you and Ana should have another talk… because you need to put her back in the hospital… Christian! They have a good eating disorders programme… she has to gain weight!'

'I just told you she promised she would…'

'It doesn't mean a damn thing that she promised she would… Christian, I've seen this! Don't fool yourself into thinking you've got it under control… and seriously do you honestly believe her?'

'Honestly Elliot? NO… I don't… but I can't force her… I've tried tough love and it doesn't work… I'm trying to give her some space…' I replied as I sat down… '…but I'll talk to Ana…'

'You should Christian, because if it isn't stopped, she could die…'

'I know…' I continued while I passed my hand through my hair.

* * *

Back at home, I took Elliot's advice, but it didn't go well with Sera. She went into a frenzy mode. She's tired of hearing everything… She's giving up… and she doesn't know how to stop… meal times are constant fights. We force her, she cries… She still ends up not eating, or else she throws up. She thinks we don't realize it… but I did… it broke me hearing her heaves and chocks. She's killing herself slowly and still she isn't realizing it…

Ana suggested that we'll give her some more space… maybe it will work… she told me that that was how her parents dealt with her eating disorder… I've read every book I could get my hands on… and yet… I don't get it. I can't comprehend this… disease…

'Dad, I'm going out for a bit…' Sera said as she came down the stairs.

'Where are you going?'

'Um… visiting Uncle Elliot.'

'Ok… don't take long… Be here for dinner…' I replied. 'Taylor will drive you.'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

How could he do that? Bringing my parents into doubt. Why does everybody want to control everything around me? I'm tired of this…

'Sera, where should I take you?'

'Uncle Elliot's engineering company please Taylor.' I replied, while he quickly started the engine.

'Are you ok Sera? You seem a bit off today…'

'I'm fine Taylor… Don't worry about me…' I smiled.

It wasn't a very long drive, especially with Taylor as my driver. He knew all shortcuts, and in few minutes time we were already at Uncle Elliot's company.

'Sera, do you want me to come with you?'

'No need Taylor… I'll be right back…' I smiled while I made my way up to his Uncle Elliot's floor.

The environment was way different than my dad's office. His staffs were divided into what seemed of equally males and females. He had glass chairs in front of the reception, and a television set was on the wall, for people to be able to pass time while they waited.

I saw him through his glass doors, sipping his coffee while reading some file. I made my way to his office, while one of his secretaries came to stop me.

'Sorry… Ms.?'

'Ms. Grey…' I replied. 'I'd like to speak to my uncle please?'

'Does he know you're coming?'

'No, but we're family.' I replied gently.

'Alright then… follow me please…' She smiled compassionately while she led the way. She knocked on his door softly, introducing his visitor.

'You may go Lara. Thank you…' He said as I entered while he stood up. 'Hello Sera!' He smiled while he came forward to hug me, but I soon went down to business.

'Why did you tell my father about all those lies, about me being sick, and how I ought to be back in hospital?' I confronted.

'They're not lies Sera! You are sick, and that is where you need to be...'

'I'm not…I'm fine… so you have to call them, and tell them you made a mistake.' I replied again as I moved towards him.

'Sweetheart!' He started, while he came to touch the palms of my hands, and soon a worried frown was on his face. 'You're freezing…I'll get you some coffee… it will warm you up…' He continued while he went towards the coffee machine and filled me a cup.

'I don't want any coffee… They're at home now so call them now…'

'Here, drink it… while it's hot!' He said as he handed me the cup, but I rejected it, and he placed it on the table.

'I'm not going if I don't want to! I'm soon 18! So, actually, it doesn't really matter if you call them or not!' I stubbornly replied as I sat down, while he came to face me.

'Sera, you know what anorexia nervosa is… do you? It's a disease… it's very serious… one of my employees had had it, and you and her could be twins!' He explained

'I'm not listening to this.' I angrily replied as I made one swift move to the door, but soon he stopped me.

'You're scared… aren't you?' Uncle Elliot continued as he looked straight into my eyes.

'I am not scared! And I'm not going back to that hospital to talk about what I feel and what I eat and what I don't eat! I hear about it 24 hours a day everyday…'Sera, did you eat? Sera what did you eat? Eat… Eat… Eat…'' I desperately replied while I crumbled to the floor crying.

'Sera! I know… it's so hard...' He understandably replied while he held me close to him.

'I want to listen… I do… but there's this other part of me that won't, and it's like this war going on in my head all the time… and I don't know how to stop it…'

'Sweetheart…' He replied again as he held me tighter. 'I know this is hard… but you have to get help…' He continued while I sobbed into his chest. 'Did you come alone?' He asked.

'No… Taylor's downstairs…'

'Ok…' He replied again. 'Sera… please you need to get better… you need to get back to the hospital…'

'No uncle… please! I'm not going back in there… I can't!' I sobbed. 'You don't know what's it like… it's exactly a prison uncle… please…' I continued to sob while he lifted me off the floor with no effort and moved us to the couch. He held me tight to him, and started playing softly with my hair. His touch was comforting… not as dad's… but it was close… I was always closer to him than Aunt Mia. He understood… or at least I thought so.

* * *

**Elliot's POV**

She sobbed in my chest just like when she was younger. I saw her breaking down completely. Something is eating her slowly… I kept trying to calm her down. I wished I knew how to make her feel better… she held tight to me as if I was her last straw of breath. I kept comforting her, and soon, her cries turned into sniffles, until she was lost into a sleep.

I lifted her off, and let her rest on the couch, and went to call Taylor. He had to come up. He was the only one I trusted. He's a father just like I am, and he knew her best. At times I kept looking at her trying to see if she was breathing. Her chest was barely moving, and she had no colour. She was like a ghost… she was dying a painful slow death.

* * *

'_Taylor…'_

'Hey… it's me Elliot… Listen, can you come up to my office?'

'_Yes sure… what's wrong?'_

'Nothing… just come up please.' I replied as I hung up.

* * *

He didn't take long to arrive. I saw him panicked but once he saw that everything was fine, he remained calmed. He overlooked my niece, and I saw him tighten his jaw.

'What happened?'

'She confronted me… She's drained out…' I replied.

'We better call Mr. Grey…'

'Yeah…' I replied while I grabbed my phone, and dialled him.

He soon was there as well. He went straight to where Sera was sleeping, and ran his fingers through her hair. I saw my brother breaking down in an instant. He held her hand… and it was like she wasn't feeling…

'Christian…'

'Taylor… can you excuse us?'

'Yes Mr. Grey…' He replied as he left the office.

'What happened?'

'She cried herself to sleep…'

'I'm losing her Elliot… and I don't know what to do anymore!'

'Christian, you cannot lose hope… I did with Clarissa, and look what happened! I regret everything I said to her… Now we're on the road to recovery… but we're still not 100%...' I replied as I sat beside him.

'I only have one daughter… the only one that made me a father Elliot… and look at her…'

'Christian, you need to send her back to the hospital… It is a must!'

'She'll hate me…'

'She'll hate you now… but at least she won't die…'

'I have to talk this with Ana…'

'What does she say?'

'She said we only need to give her space… It's how her parents handled her anorexia…'

'Ana's anorexia was different Christian… We both know it…'

'I know… but what am I supposed to do?'

'What you think is best that will save your daughter's life!'

* * *

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	55. Chapter 54

This Chapter is dedicated to Grey Steele fan

* * *

**Sera's POV**

_I was trapped in this room full of thorns… full of insects… and the more I screamed, the more the room grew into an open space with no door. I ran around, only to find a maze. I tried following through, but it was to nothing. Finally the maze built a wall, in which I couldn't escape anymore. _

_There was a mirror in front of me, and everyone that I loved was there. I moved forward and realized that the mirror was showing everybody… every experience that I had that scared me. _

'_No Christian I'm out of here… you'll hear from my lawyer!'_

* * *

'_She doesn't mean anything to me…'_

* * *

'_Be careful what you wish for…'_

* * *

'_At least if you die we won't spend much on a coffin…'_

* * *

_I brought my hands to my ears, trying to block any more of their shouting… their cries… the memories continued to flow, and suddenly Josh came… I saw him on top of me… pleasing himself, while I was fighting him off… I saw him biting… _

'_No please! Please stop!' I begged, while suddenly Josh was in front me. 'Why are you doing this to me?' I cried while he pinned me to the wall._

'…_because you deserve it… you know you do…' He continued while he restrained me. '…be honest with yourself… you're enjoying this… you know it's the right thing…'_

'_No… please… Josh!'_

'_You worthless bitch!' He screamed as he slapped me and I fell straight on the cold floor._

'_No… please…' I begged again, while he grabbed me rough back to my feet._

'_You're on your own Sera… nobody loves you… nobody cares about you… you know I'm right…' He continued. I felt a surge of adrenaline, and soon I pushed him to the mirror. He simply vanished and was behind me. I was staring at my own reflection. I say my teeth were falling one after the other. I kept catching them, and soon I was toothless. I saw darks circles under my eyes… and on my shoulder, there was a hand… it seemed that of an old lady. Her hands were all wrinkled, with long claw-like nails. Her… or his… for all I knew… was getting tighter on my shoulder… I looked behind me, and there it was… the form had hair in front of its face… it was bare-chested, and all bony… it seemed to be floating on air… until it spoke._

'_Sera, I'm here to help you…'_

'_How?' I asked._

'_Do as I say… and everything will be fine… I promise.' It said again, while I nodded… it was at that moment that it hugged me, and I sort of entered into it… it was a deserted cold road… but it was there again. I walked, and it remained on my back… its weight was heavy but I walked and walked, until finally, many dark smokes were there… I saw Josh, my parents, grandparents… everyone was there looking at me, and laughing… and pointing…_

_I crumbled to the ground, and screamed…_

**Christian's POV**

It's been a week since Elliot shared his view on things. He was right. Nothing was working… Her promises are nothing… Ana is still hoping… but we decided to take her to John without her knowing. We have to do something… We are her parents and we have to make the best decisions but yet, we still can't fix anything. It's monotony… She wakes up, goes to school, back home to her usual studies and run… and goes on little food as possible… She will finally crash…

All of a sudden, I hear a piercing scream… It gave me chills down my body… Ana woke up immediately, while I was on my feet.

'What's that?' She asked panicked.

'What do you think?' I worriedly replied as I ran to my daughter's room, with Ana on my tail. I saw her in bed trying to fight something. Sweat was forming on her forehead, and she couldn't wake up. I went in a protective mode, and went straight to try and wake her up. Ana remained at the door, trying to fight her tears…

'Sera! Sera!' I called her name softly trying to restrain her from hurting herself, but it was to nothing. 'SERA!' I called her again desperately, where finally she jerked up wide awake, almost scared of my touch.

'Noo… Pleasee!' She begged.

'Shhh… sweetheart… it's me!' I replied again as I held her tight to my chest, while Ana switched on the floor lamp. She fought me a bit until she realized that she was at home. 'Sera! You're ok… it was just a nightmare sweet heart.' I said again, while she cried in my chest.

'I'll go make some tea…' Ana replied before leaving the room. She always thought that tea was the solution to any night problem. It was Ray's way…

'Sweet heart… are you ok?' I replied again, while I moved her gently and joined her in bed.

'Yes…' She replied softly.

'What were you dreaming about?' I asked hoping she would tell me.

'It was nothing…' She replied again while she held my shirt tight. 'I don't remember…'

'Sera… you were bloody screaming… why don't you tell me?' I begged her…

'…I…I can't dad….' She replied again. 'I don't remember…'

'Why can't you?' I tried insisting again. 'I can only help you…'

'No… dad… you can't!' She replied again. It broke my heart. I knew we had a lot to work on. She still didn't quite forgive me completely… I slid myself under the sheets and hugged her tighter. I realized that her feet were freezing. There was no circulation. Her hands were freezing. Her whole body was shivering. I got up wanting to get her a hot water bottle and switch on the heater for her. She would die from hypothermia as it is.

'Dad!' She held onto my hand before I got up. 'Where are you going?' she asked softly.

'I'm getting you something to warm you up… I won't be long baby girl…' I smiled. I went downstairs only to find Ana in tears doing the tea. I realized that this finally was taking its toll on us. 'Ana?' I asked.

'Yeah…' She quickly replied while she cleared her tears. 'What are we doing Christian?'

'I don' know Ana… I don't know…'I replied again, while she placed the kettle on the stove with frustration.

'Her nightmares are getting worse and worse… The little sleep she gets is hell…' She replied again. 'What are we going to do Christian?' She asked again while I moved to kettle and filled the water bottle I found in the cupboard.

'Ana, Christian! Is everything ok?' Gail asked gently and she entered the kitchen. 'I heard Sera scream.'

'Yes Gail…' Ana replied. 'She had a nightmare.'

'Go to her… I'll continue the tea. I'll make you some…' She said, while she took over from Ana. 'Would you like tea or coffee Mr Grey?'

'Some coffee would be nice.' I replied. 'Ana… go to bed… You have a meeting tomorrow morning… I'll stay with our daughter tonight…'

'Christian…'

'Ana… please… I'd like to talk to her… maybe I'll get her to talk…' I insisted again, while I kissed her. 'Go to bed Ana…'

* * *

'Sera?' I asked gently while I moved beside her. 'You're shivering!'

'I'm cold…'

'Here…' I said as I placed the hot water bottle on her feet, while I switched on the heater. 'There you go baby girl… Sweet heart… you have to talk to us…'

'There's nothing to say dad.' She replied.

'Peanut… there must be something wrong… you're starving yourself…'

'Dad… I promised you I'm eating… and I am…'

'Stop lying!'

'I'm not lying…'

'Sera!...'

'Dad… I'm tired…' She replied again as she hid her face under the sheets. 'Can we talk later?'

'Ok… let's get some sleep baby girl…'

'Mr Grey?' Gail said while she brought the coffee and tea.

'Thank you Gail.' I replied as I took the liquids and went back to my daughter. 'Do you need anything else sir?'

'No thanks… you should rest Gail.' I told her while she left us alone.

* * *

**Sera's POV**

I was getting used to the days. I was finally in control… At least I felt like it. My weight kept dropping, and finally I wasn't feeling hungry anymore. I felt guilty at times for all the lies… but I couldn't control that…

'59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64…' I kept counting… I had to do about 200 crunches every day. My stomach was hurting, and with every crunch, my back was cracking. I closed my eyes at the pain, and a memory flashed in front of my eye.

_**Flashback 2009**_

_I was upstairs, wondering in the 'so much rooms' we have at Escala. I had never entered in half of the rooms, however there was this one room, that my parents never wanted me to enter. I wondered through the corridor, and realized, that Gail had left it open… I went inside, and was almost scared of everything in there. There were crosses, ropes, a leather bed. The walls were red. I moved forward, and realized that there were handcuffs… _

'_What is this?' I asked myself. I didn't realise that dad was behind me._

'_What are you doing in here?' He asked almost angry. I saw his face turn into a frown. His eyes were piercing through, and he had his CEO voice._

'_Um…'_

'_Sera, I've told you millions of times to come in here…'_

'_I… I was curious dad…' I replied scared of his penance stare._

'_Curious?' He asked again. 'I'll show you curious!' He replied while he grabbed my hand and dragged me out. He took me to his office and sat down on the couch. He took of his belt and I realized what was going to happen._

'_No… no way in hell you're spanking me!'_

'…_and why shouldn't I Sera? You deliberately disobeyed me!' He replied in his stern voice._

'_No dad… no… I'm 12! You cannot just do that!' I replied again while I moved back from him._

'_Sera, the more you'll be stalling, the longer I will spank you…'_

'_No dad! NO!' I said again, while he made two steps and grabbed my arm. _

'_Sera… we have to go through with this… and for stalling you'll be only stay in your underwear.' He replied again._

'_Dad!'_

'_Sera… now! I won't be saying it again.' He said again. I decided to obey immediately. I knew his belt wasn't fun… I had experienced it more than once. I took of my trousers slowly, almost scared of the reminder on my buttocks. He guided me onto his lap, and I prepared myself for the first spank. He held my back down slowly, and soon the first one was laid. He kept spanking me. I lost count after the 15__th__ one. I bit my tongue hard, trying to hold on the tears. I felt my butt burning, but he continued. I tried escaping from his grip, but he only held me tighter. _

'_Sera, you know why I'm doing this?' He asked while he spanked to what seemed the 19__th__ one._

'_Because I disobeyed your rule.' I replied in tears._

'…_and what do I always tell you?'_

'_Not to go in that room.' I replied again. 'Please stop! It hurts dad… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…' _

_At my begging he stopped and I heard the belt fall to the ground, and soon he realised I was sobbing. He guided me back to my feet, and fixed back my trousers. The linen was hurting me, but at least the spanking stopped. Dad took me into his arms and hugged me tight. _

'_I'm sorry baby girl… but I had to do it.' He said again. 'If I let this go, you may do something you'll regret in the future. You have to learn to follow the rules.'_

'…_I'm sorry dad.' I cried again. '…did you have to hurt me?'_

'_I didn't want to hurt you baby… I don't enjoy doing it baby girl! But you need to learn the hard way… so in the future, you won't do it!' He replied again while he hugged me tight. 'I'll go get you some Advil and Aloe Vera… It will ease the pain…' _

_**End of Flashback**_

* * *

I remained on the floor staring at the ceiling… I never understood why dad had to do the corporal punishment. Couldn't he just ground me like normal people? I never understood his ways… but then, Taylor was never easy with Natalie… so I guess it was only with overprotective fathers?

I stood up slowly, but felt everything sway. I held on to the bed, until my world was still, and when it did I went to the kitchen, to make some snack, and drink some water. I grabbed a bowl, and went to the fridge to get some lettuce. I took few leaves out and washed them thoroughly, and started cutting them into tiny pieces.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I was working in my office, when I saw Sera going to the kitchen. I followed her slowly, trying to see what she was doing. She didn't notice I was behind her. I saw her take out the bowl and lettuce. Her fingers were so tiny slicing up the lettuce. I was getting nervous with her.

'You promised me you were going to eat real food. All I see here is lettuce!' I caught her off-guard.

'I'm just making a snack dad…' she replied while she continued slicing up her lettuce.

'You're not having a snack! You're lying to me!' I replied as I went to the counter.

'No…' She replied again, while she looked at me. 'I had a sandwich before…'

'You hadn't had any sandwich! You're lying! You never had anything but nothing! Lettuce is nothing! It's NOTHING!' I shouted in her face, while I took the bowl and smashed it to the wall. 'Look at you you're wasting away to nothing! You're a bag of bones!' I angrily shouted, while she flinched.

'What's going on?' Ana replied, as she came in.

'What's going on? She's living on lettuce! She keeps lying straight to my face. She's wasting away!' I angrily shouted.

'Christian calm down!'

'Mum, I'm not lying this time! I swear, I had a sandwich… Mum I swear! You've got to believe me!' She begged again in tears.

'Sera, you know it's not true…'

'It's true mum! I swear!'

'Sera, stop it!' Ana hissed, almost angry as I was.

'Mum… it's true… I had a sandwich!'

'Did Gail prepare it?' She asked trying to keep calm.

'No… but…'

'You're lying!'

'No mum I'm not!' She insisted again. I saw Ana losing her temper. She grabbed Sera from her arms near her wrists, and there she lost it.

'Why are you doing this? Why? What does it mean? Tell me!' She shouted in her face.

'Mum, leave me alone!' She replied in tears, as she tried letting lose.

'Ana!' I tried, when she finally realised that she was hurting her. She loosened her grip, and in an instant move Sera made a run for it. I could see tears forming, and she couldn't keep them at bay. All of a sudden, we heard a thud. We ran to the stairs and saw Sera trying to get up. She fell, but she had little energy to put herself back to her feet.

'Honey!' I tried, as I held her from her waist, helping her up.

'No dad…' She cried.

'Please! Let me help you!' I begged her.

'No… Get away from me dad! Leave me alone!' She replied again as she got up and held to the railing as strong as she could.

I set down on the stairs looking at her struggling to climb them. I knew she didn't have any longer… I had to do something… we had to do something… her condition was getting worse by the second. Ana came beside me, and rubbed my back. I couldn't keep my tears at bay, but soon dried them.

'What are we going to do Christian?'

'We're talking to Flynn, then take her to Flynn, and back to the hospital…'

* * *

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	56. Chapter 55

I was trying to avoid my parents at all costs. I didn't want anymore fighting. It was tiring. The only thing that got me through was school. I walked in the hall wondering about, seeing as I was early, but soon Natalie caught up to me.

'Hey there Grey!' she smiled.

'You're chippy this morning...'

'Unlike you...'

'I stayed up late watching a movie... It wasn't worth it...'

'Why? What was it?'

'The Dictator...' I replied while we both arrived to our lockers. 'Don't watch it...'

'Saying that will only make me want to watch it more...'

'I don't understand you Natalie... You didn't watch the DaVinci Code and it's a mesmerizing movie, but you want to watch that?'

'Little Grey, the more you tell me not to watch something, the more I'll watch it!'

'Then do not watch da Vinci and watch dictator...'

'I'll still watch dictator...' she smiled, while I grabbed the DVD. 'Here have my copy... I was going to give it to Mark anyways...'

'Mark?' she asked.

'Yeah... It was his... I got curious too and he gave me his copy... Now you can take it...' I smiled.

'Ok... Thanks then...' she smiled while she placed it in her bag. 'Ohh, and I have some exciting news!' she continued while she took me to a corner.

'What is it?'

'Mark and I are going away for the weekend...'

'...and Taylor is allowing this?'

'Grey you have a lot to learn!' she laughed. 'Of course not! Dad won't allow it...' she said while we walked towards our classroom. 'It's our 6th month anniversary... And Mark booked a hotel and everything... We're going to relax... And well... You know... Some steamy nights..' she winked.

'Ok Natalie... Too much information!' I replied. 'Wow, he is a romantic..' I smiled. '...but what did you tell your father? Or else, what are you going to tell him?'

'This weekend we have the chemistry live in... I told him I'm going to it... Win win situation!'

'Natalie,not to burst your bubble... Your father is ex-military with three or so medals... He works for my dad for God's sake... And he's the chief of security... don't you think that maybe he won't buy it?'

'Not if I give him the parent's form to sign!'

'Natalie I have to say this... But don't you feel guilty on lying to him? Natalie he loves and gives you everything... I wish I had a father like that... And you're throwing away the love he's bestowing on you...'

'Sera... I know... But... He wants me on constant security like Grey senior does to you... He's overprotective and I do get tired of that... It's my way of rebellion... Besides, I will tell him later...'

'When Natalie? After you had gone for the weekend?' I asked her gently. 'If you tell him, he may allow you and you won't be guilty. You would be showing him you are mature enough to trust him and be honest... Natalie you only have one father... Don't lose him!'

'You're right...' she said. 'Damn Sera, with all your eye opening words.'

'Natalie, your parents love you... Especially Taylor... Don't ruin your relationship with him...' I smiled. '...and I have something for the birthday girl!' I smiled while, I took out a box. 'Happy 18th Birthday!'

'You remembered?'

'Why shouldn't I!' I replied while I handed it to her, and made our way to our usual seat. Mr. Jenkins always came late, and both Nat and I were always early. 'Come on! Open it!' I urged while she sat everything on the floor and took off the wrapping.

'Meine Seele Schwester...' she read on the silver bracelet. '...My soul sister...' she smiled while she put it on. 'aweeeeee! This is amazing Sera! Thank you!' she said as she hugged me tight.

'I have one as well...' I smiled. 'You are the only sister I know... Thanks for always being there for me!' I replied again as I hugged her too.

'...and I'll always be here for you. Grey!' she smiled 'Now let's end this chick flick moment!' she continued. 'You got me a mess!' She replied in tears of joy '...ohh, and tomorrow I need to go shopping... Do you want to come?'

'I can't... If it was Friday yes... but tomorrow I have my ballet lesson.'

'Then we'll go on Friday... I need my sister to help me chose something sexy for the weekend! And you my dear... Need to change your clothing... Those are way too big for you!'

'They're fine Natalie...' I chuckled.

'Come on... We'll find you a new dress!' she teased.

'Ok... Ok fine!' I finally gave in to the offer. She knew how much I loved dresses '…we'll go…' I smiled. '...but I have to ask my parents first.'

* * *

**Christian's POV**

We were still waiting for outside for Flynn's session. We had so many things to discuss… so many things to place. I didn't know where to start, neither Ana did.

'Mr. Grey, Mrs. Grey, you can enter.' His assistant told us. Ana and I both held our hands entangling our fingers. We held to each other for support. This time it wasn't for our relationship. It had been getting better since I opened up to her and was honest with Ana… but our daughter seemed from going from bad to worse. I didn't think there could be any worse… but I was wrong.

'Christian, Ana!' He greeted, while we took our usual seats. 'How are you doing?'

'We're ok.' I replied.

'Christian, opened up completely, and since then, everything went back into place.' Ana replied. 'We're not here for our relationship today…'

'Then what is the problem?' He asked while he left his file open in front of him, and rested his back to the chair.

'It's Sera…' I replied slowly. 'She's getting worse… Last night she had another nightmare… she didn't want to talk about it…'

'Christian, why is this worrying you?'

'What do you mean? She's my daughter… of course I get worried.'

'Till now, you've never complained about anything. Ana always said that Sera had nightmares… why is it now that you're concerned?'

'…John, I look at her, and I don't see the same person I knew before… She doesn't eat… she doesn't sleep.'

**Ana's POV**

'…She lies about what she eats…' I continued. '… I found stashes of food under her bed…'

'What?' Christian asked in disbelief.

'I found plates with food under her bed Christian…'

'Why haven't you told me?'

'What were you going to do Christian? Shout with her? As you see it got us to nowhere.'

'When did this happen Ana?' John asked gently while he wrote something.

* * *

_**Flashback on Monday**_

'_Mrs. Grey, do you have anything else for the laundry before I head upstairs?' Gail asked._

'_I'll go check Sera's room…I'll get them to you in the laundry.' I smiled, while I headed to her room. It was perfectly kept. Nothing in disorder, in fact it was scarily ordered, everything in line. No dents nothing out of place. I realized that only one this was out of place, her cardigan was on the floor beside her bed. I went down to pick it up, and all of a sudden I realize that there were some things under the bed. I slid my hand, and brought up a plate of food. I went further under the bed, and there were more foods… _

'_Mum!' Sera asked while she came in her room with another plate in her hands._

'_What are you up too?' I asked desperately._

'_Nothing!' She simply replied._

'_How did these things get under the bed?' I asked as I showed her everything._

'_I don't know! I guess I must have forgotten to bring them downstairs…' _

'_You also forgot to eat them…' I hissed. 'What did you do with this morning breakfast?'_

'_Nothing, I ate it!' She lied._

'_What's that?' I asked pointing to another plate in her hands._

'_I made some macaroni and cheese, and Gail wanted me to eat it with her, but I already had had this huge sandwich at the canteen, so I decided to bring it up here and eat it later…' _

'_You're lying…' I replied as I moved forward and whispered it._

'_I'm not lying mum… I swear!' She replied almost scared of me. I couldn't take it anymore. Anger built in me, and I slapped her hard. She held her cheek with her hand, while she dropped the plate._

'_Oh my… what have I done!' I said. 'I'm sorry Sera… I didn't mean to!' I continued while I tried to hug her. She pushed me away, and didn't want me to comfort her. I saw tears form in her eyes, and soon she stormed out of her room. I smashed the plate I had in my hands to the wall. I finally felt the anger Christian felt when he did that, but soon regretted what I did…_

_**End of Flashback**_

* * *

'You slapped her?' Christian asked.

'Christian she lied straight to my face… I got angry! On Saturday you got angry with her… and look what happened.' I confronted.

'What happened on Saturday?' John inquired again.

'She said she was going to have a snack, and she lied about having a sandwich. All she eats… if she eats… is lettuce… I got angry and lost my temper… Smashed the bowl, and I may have called her a 'bag of bones'. Christian replied again while he passed his hand through his brown hair.

'Why is this happening to us?' I asked desperately.

'From her previous sessions, I saw that Sera felt unable to control anything in her life… she's preparing for her exams and she doesn't want to let you down, her getting raped, separating from you, your fighting… she saw her ordered familiar life falling apart…'

'But why stop eating?' Christian asked.

'She found something she could control…what she ate! And anorexia is about control. Clinical studies have shown that although it may have been triggered by puberty, separation from friends, and parents, as well as the body chemistry and biology. At its core, anorexia is a manifestation of the family dynamic… It's a family problem.'

'Why didn't I have a clue that something was wrong with her? We're close… we've done everything together… how did I miss it?' I asked.

'You have to understand, not eating is not the disease… it's a symptom… the disease is the way Sera feels about herself.' John finished. '...but shouting and screaming won't help... I know how you may feel, I'm a parent too, and she is family... but you need to try and keep calm... the more stress you put, the worse it will get.'

'So we'll let her starve?'

'No Christian... but calling her a bag of bones won't help...'

* * *

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	57. Chapter 56

This is dedicated to kiwijoeelle; Grey Steele fan; curls 86; jessica 2319 and Christian 618

* * *

**John's POV**

I thought about what Ana and Christian told me while I was working on my files. Although they had a point in getting annoyed and angry they still weren't treating this the right way. Since Jason died, their relationship went downhill… Leila had taken away a very valuable person from the Grey's family, and none of them had actually recovered. I never heard anybody discuss Jason ever again. Their home is still filled with memories of Jason. Photos, his drawings… They never dealt with it. Sera for sure never dealt with it. Jason's picture is on her phone… not some actor she fantasises on… not of some quote… or a family picture or a guy she fancies… but it's the picture of her death adopted brother.

* * *

'John, is everything alright?' Rhian asked me while she came in.

'Yeah… just thinking… work… and family…' I replied as she sat on my lap.

'What is it?' She asked while she realized the file I had in my hand. 'Oh… I get it…'

'It just doesn't seem right. Ana and Christian are trying to deal with everything, but they never talked about Jason's unfortunate death.'

'What do you expect them to do John? Leila killed Jason to get to Christian. Ana for sure blames Christian for this.'

'That's the problem… they never mentioned anything… it was the start of their downfall Rhian… and look at what happened… Christian was self-destructive himself and both became distant…and you know as much as I know it… Parents actions do reflect and affect their kids…'

'I have an idea…' Rhian suggested.

'What is it?'

'Back when Jason was alive, both Sera and he used to come here to spend a couple of days with us, and then Derek used to spend few days at the Grey's… What do you say if we invite Sera? It will do her good… she will get away from anything that makes her like this… better than a hospital for sure…'

'Are you sure Rhian?' I asked concerned.

'Why not? The girl loves us… and she loves Walter and Derek. Yes, she prefers Walter… I think he reminds her of Jason… They are quite similar… but still…' She continued. 'We both have medical background… you can talk to her… and if she doesn't listen to anyone, she does listen to you… she can help me prepare some meals here and there… I can do some shopping with her… shopping with you, I'm sorry to say is very uncomfortable John.' She joked while I chuckled. 'She can forget all the problems at home…'

'That's a good idea… but would she want to come? That's the question.'

'Call Christian, and tell him. He won't say no… and then we'll let our kids invite her. She wouldn't say no to them for sure…' She smiled. 'She can stay in the guest room… you can drive her to school with Walter and Derek, and I'll pick her up to home while you're at work. 5 days or so would make all the difference John. Besides, some more oestrogen around here wouldn't harm anybody. I'm surrounded by testosterone!'

'I'll call him…' I replied as I took out my phone.

'Make sure that she won't have any security… she has to be in a family environment.' She insisted. 'If Christian has a problem with that, he'll have to take it with me.'

'That was already on my mind. When are we inviting her?' I asked again, while I dialled Christian.

'Sunday evening. I'll have tomorrow morning to prepare everything… Walter and Derek can call her tomorrow and invite her.' I smiled. 'She'll be back home on the following Monday after school.'

Finally there was someone at the other end of the line.

'_Christian…' He answered his phone. It did took me off guard, usually it was 'Grey.'_

'Hey… It's John… listen, Rhian and I were thinking…' I started.

* * *

Christian and Ana didn't object to the idea, however they were concerned. I managed to convince them, but we had to work slowly. Later that night, we told Derek and Walter about Sera's visit, and I could see they were excited. They loved the kid. She was like a sister to them, and I don't blame them. For Christmas they wanted a sister… but for more kids, you need to have more time… and sometimes we barely find time for ourselves. We try to keep everything in equilibrium, and till now, the expression functioned properly.

'So Sewa is coming here?' Walter asked while he jumped up and down on my leg.

'Yes… only if you and Derek invite her. I'm sure she won't say no for you.'

'Mum, please!' Derek begged. 'Let's call… I want to call Sera now!'

'I want to talk to her Dewek!' Walter excitedly said again.

'Calm down little man…' Rhian said as she took him in her arms. '…but you have to promise me one thing. You have to both keep your rooms clean, don't bother Sera while she's studying, and most importantly, you obey the rules… You cannot stay past your bedtime.'

'…but Sera can stay up with you!' Walter whined.

'Sera is older Walter… you'll have time to play with her.' I said again. '…but most importantly, you have to obey your mother… both of you… don't argue and don't fight!'

'Come on let's call Sera dad!' Derek insisted, while he brought me the cordless phone. I smiled at their excitement. They loved her immensely, and I knew they were going to enjoy that week. I dialled the number and handed the phone to Derek.

'No… I want to talwk to Sewa!' Walter insisted.

'You'll talk to her Walter… I'm first.' Derek teased.

* * *

'_Grey's residence… how may I help you?' Some woman answered._

'Hi, I'm Derek, can I please talk to Sera?'

'_Derek who?' _She asked again.

'Derek Flynn…' My son replied again.

'_Hold on for a second.'_

* * *

'A lady is talking to me dad… She went to get Sera…' He said with a huge grin on his face.

* * *

'_Hello?'_

'Sera!' He shouted. 'I'm Derek.'

'_Hey there… What's up young man?' _

'Um… I was thinking, maybe if you want, which I hope you do, do you want to come and stay with us for a week?' He asked.

'_Um…'_

'Please Sera!' He begged again, while Walter grabbed the phone to his ear.

'Please Sewa! Fow meeee!'

'_It's not that I don't want to come… but I really have a lot of things to do Walter.'_

'Please Sewa! We can play, and watch tom and jerry, and… and play some more… and we can draw!'

'_Um…'_

* * *

'I'll talk to her Walter…' I told him while he handed me the phone.

* * *

'Hi Sera, how are you feeling?'

' _Hey… I'm good thank you…' she replied. _

'Listen, Rhian and I were thinking on inviting you here… you know… for old time's sake!'

' _As I told Walter… It's not that I don't want to come… It's just… I have a lot of things to do Fl…John…'_

'Come on, you cannot possibly have that much things that you cannot do here. We won't bother you while you're studying. I'll drive you to school, Rhian will pick you up...'

'_John…'_

* * *

'I'll talk to her John.'

* * *

'Hello sweetheart… Listen, we'd love for you to spend a week with us.' Rhian insisted again.

'_I…'_

'Come on… for Walter and Derek at least!' She insisted again.

'PLEASE SERA!' They said in unison.

'_Um… I'll have to ask my parents… I don't think they'll let me.'_

'Go ask them now… I'll hold on…'

'_Ask them now?'_

'Yeah… the sooner the better sweetheart.'

'_Um…ok…'_

Few minutes later, she was back on the phone. She didn't quite sound convinced, but at least her response was positive.

'_My parents said yes.' She replied._

'That's great dear…' Rhian smiled. 'John will pick you up on Sunday at around 6pm. Get some clothes to go out with, for school, and some to stay comfortable in at home, no need for towels or anything. You can use ours.'

'_Ok… Thanks Rhian… you really didn't have to…'_

'We wanted to Sera…' She replied again. 'We'll see you Sunday evening?'

'_Yeah…'_

* * *

**Sera's POV**

It's been a while since I was invited to spend a week with the Flynn's… It was going to be a hard week, but I couldn't say no to Walter and Derek, and besides, my parents allowed it immediately. There was a catch to this. They wouldn't have allowed me to go without any double checks and everything. There was only one explanation. They had decided this way back behind my back. I may be innocent… but I'm not stupid…

'You should start packing sweet heart.' Mum said as she took me out of my thoughts.

'You knew about this didn't you?' I asked interrogatingly.

'What do you mean?'

'Come on dad… no questions… no double checks… you just said yes… I'm not stupid… you know that right?'

'I'm not going to lie to you… John asked us before… he wanted to make sure if you were able with school and everything… and besides… it's been a long time since you've last visited.'

'Dad… I stopped going there, because there are so many memories…' I replied.

'Sera…' Mum scolded.

'Yeah… we never talk about that… right?'

* * *

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	58. Chapter 57

**Sera's POV**

After all the hassle and panic mum managed to start, the packing was finally all done, and the luggage was already in the living room... I had everything I needed... Clothes, laptop, books, notes, phone and laptop charger, my phone, a reading book... School bag... Shampoo... toothbrush and toothpaste... And on top of my clothes, I placed my Pointe shoes. It was the most precious thing I owned. Ballet was my life... I'd spent hours on Pointe without my feet cramping.

Soon I heard voices downstairs, and realized that Flynn had already come to pick me up.

'Sera, John's here...' I heard my mum calling me from downstairs.

'Coming mum...' I called back.

I took another look in my room to see if I had anything else left there. I made sure to not leave my journal behind me... And neither my laxatives and anything else that I may have needed. Finally I made my way down.

'You ready Sera?' Flynn asked smiling while he took my luggage.

'Mhmm'. I replied back while I moved forward to mum.

'Have fun honey... And call us every now and then... Don't forget us...' she smiled as she hugged me.

'I won't mum...don't worry about that...' I smiled.

'Come here peanut!' dad joined in. 'Remember, don't stay up late... Ok?'

'I wouldn't worry about that Christian...' Flynn smiled. 'We should go. We may find traffic.'

'Did you take everything?' dad asked again.

'mhmm...' I smiled.

'I love you... You know that right?' he asked again as he looked into my eye. I tried avoiding his look... But it was to no avail.

'Yes... I know dad... I do too...' I smiled. 'I'll call you when we arrive...' I said while dad released his grip on me and made my way to Flynn.

He placed his arm around my shoulder and grabbed my luggage. 'She'll be back Monday...' he smiled. 'Let's get going...'

'Bye Taylor...' I smiled while he came forward to hug me.

'I'll miss you this week little grey!'

'Come on... You'll have less work then having to be on, my tail.' I said while he chuckled.

'Have fun kiddo...' he replied. I moved forward to hug him. I think most, I was to miss him...

'_I love you Taylor...'_ I whispered in his ear.

'_i love you too kiddo...'_

After all our good byes, I joined Flynn to his car. He drove with style. A new series of BMW was already in his hands. Guess dad intervened as usual. I knew Flynn needed a new four wheeler...but this is just amazing...

'You like it?' he asked, while he saw me admiring it.

'Mhmm...'

'You know, we'd be having a conversation if you say something else rather than 'mhmm'.' he continued.

'Sorry... I'm not that talkative John...'

'Get in the car Sera.' he said with a smile as he closed the luggage booth. 'You can take the front seat kiddo...'

'Ok...' I simply replied. He switched on the radio and played one of his cd's. He has good taste. I hummed to myself the melodies. Hall of fame soon came on. It made me smile. It's words gave me motivation to go on through with everything. All the pain will finally serve to something. After all, beauty does come for pain.

'You like this?' Flynn caught me off guard.

'Mhmm...one of the best music I know.'

'You want to stand in the hall of fame?' he asked while he looked at me and set his eyes straight back to the road.

I remained quiet, and finally realized that it wasn't the way to home...

'This is not the way to your house...'

'No... We need to get some things from the supermarket first.' he stated as he made a U-turn and pulled over. He pulled out and handed me what seemed to be a reasonable list for a family of 4... Or 7... Depends... It was quite a list... I felt blood rushing to my head. I hated supermarkets... There was a lot to choose from... And all you needed was one thing. All I saw were numbers rather than the product itself. I felt my mouth going dry at all the products. Butter, cheese... No 3 kinds of cheese... Bread... Pasta... All high calorific food...

**Flynn's POV**

I saw her change shades as I handed her the list. One of anorexics worst fear is of their control being taken away. A trip to the supermarket may help to break the cycle and behavior towards food, and move away from safe and familiar choices. It is an everyday task for all of us, but it's not easy if food is her enemy. I knew she would find them anxiety provoking, but I had to push it to the limit.

'Sera...' I caught her off guard.

'Yeah...' She answered quickly as she realised that I had already parked the car.

'Let's go... Rhian is waiting for us at home...' I conversed.

'Um... If you want I can stay in the car...' she suggested.

'Why?' I asked as I turned my attention toward her.

'Um... To give you some time alone... And maybe get what you like faster?' She asked gently almost panicking.

'Come on Sera... You can help me out and we'll save time by half... Like we used to do before... Remember?'

'Before...before things were different John.'

'I know they were... but that doesn't mean that things should be different now.' I insisted. 'Let's get going Sera...' I smiled while we got out.

* * *

As we entered the supermarket, I saw her take in every shelf. Her eyes went haywire, and she enclosed herself and crossed her arms. Her shoulders tensed up, and she started to rub her elbow. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I grabbed a trolley and we started the shopping list. We went to the easy parts. Toiletries, detergents, soaps… anything that a household would need. However, soon the list turned to the foods. I bought the meat, and fish as Rhian had written, while I sent Sera to get some vegetables of her choices and some fruit. It wasn't the hardest thing, however she kept picking up at the product, thoroughly examined it, and if it had the littlest tint, or it wasn't small enough, or up to her standards, she would have set it back.

'Is this alright?' She asked gently after she weighed everything and the lady gave us the price tag.

'That's perfect.' I replied while I took it from her hand and set it in the trolley with the others. 'We only have the last two things left…' I advised as I crossed the products from the list. '…we need the cheese and the butter.' I continued as we walked towards the cold products section. The fridge was filled with many brands… many items… and most of all different properties. I saw her holding back behind me, but I wanted her to pick them up. It would break up the cycle. 'Sera, choose some cheese, and butter.'

I saw her going for the low fat and diet ones along with the no cholesterol…but that would still be in her comfort zone. 'Get the normal ones.' I advised her while she turned to face me and saw her face filled with worry. She says she's fine and there's nothing wrong… but I know she's not.

I kept watching her picking up things and putting them back. The vast variety brought more stress. There were many things to choose from.

**Sera's POV**

There were so many brands… so many calories… It's been almost two years that I've given up dairy products. It was better like that. It was all fat… so damn confusing. I could feel Flynn's gaze… he was watching me… I knew why he was doing it… and then he took out the diet and low fat ones.

I literally had no idea of what anything of those things were… I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. I kept picking up at things, counting all the calories… all the fat contents… low fat didn't mean low calories… and vice versa… it was all equations into my mind. All I wanted was to get what Flynn wanted me to get him, and get out of there… but he told me to choose myself… it was getting harder.

I crossed my arms and kept rubbing my elbows… I didn't need that… I didn't need that shit… I wanted to say something… but I couldn't… he was being kind to me… and I couldn't just lash out. I wanted to say so many things to my parents… so many things that have been hurting me… but I can't… they would feel worthless… and I didn't want that to them…

I moved backwards and took a deep breath. I didn't know why he was doing this. Cheese was all useless mold… _'Screw this…'_ I thought. I had to do it… but… I couldn't get my mind through that shit. I grabbed another box of butter... but soon placed it back to its original place… I couldn't do it.

**Flynn's POV**

I knew she was panicking. I took her control away, and I clearly saw how she was acting towards it. Anorexics usually have real difficulty in shopping for food typically in supermarkets… they have a lot of conflicts in them. They're driven in a way by wanting food and wanting to eat and being surrounded by it. It's natural to them to be completely, looking at it in excessive detail at a time, to look for how many calories are on it, and so on… and at the same time they're terrified to eat it… and then the foods themselves are identified as frightening and even going near them, picking them up, touching them… becomes quite a scary thing for some of them, and they will just keep away from them and not even go on venture close to it.

I decided to help her out. It was no use leaving her like that. I realized it was a real struggle for her.

'Sera… what are you thinking about?'

'I don't know Flynn… I don't know what to choose… there is so much choice…' She looked at me wide eyed.

'Which one would you rather pick Sera?' I asked. 'Forget what I told you about no fat and diet… What would you choose?'

'I… I don't know… I just don't need this…' She desperately said, while I brought down two packs of butter.

'Let me make it easier… If you had to choose from these two… which would you go for?' I asked. I choose a double fat pack, and low fat – low cholesterol one. She took them in her hands slowly, and turned the pack around for the nutritional values. I saw her counting and lost in thoughts. Finally she chooses one.

'I… I would take this one…' she chose the low fat – low cholesterol one. I put the other one back, and picked up another brand of butter with the same properties. I knew they had the same calorific values, and handed them to her.

'Now which one would you choose?' She started counting again, and I saw panic rising in her again. She realized that they were the same.

'These are the same…' She replied. '…but this one is better…' She said again as she showed me the second choice.

'They have the same property Sera… Why would you choose the second low fat – low cholesterol rather than the first one?'

She remained quiet. She knew I was onto her… She knew she couldn't escape it anymore… however finally she answered.

'This pack has a calorie less; 1g of fat less and it has more proteins…' She replied while she looked down.

'…and why wouldn't you pick the normal one instead of this one?'

'I don't know John… I just can't… can you please chose one yourself?' She said desperately as she handed me both packs.

'Sera… I wanted to do this exercise for you to choose and let go of your control…'

'John I'm comfortable as I am…' She retreated back.

'No Sera… you are a slave to these rituals… You didn't find any problem in choosing the coffee… So… I'm asking you to do it… We're not moving from here unless you pick one of these three…' I ordered as I picked three different packs of a reasonable calorie & fat content. 'Sera, you are used to everyone giving up and let you have your way… Not with me… Now please, choose one…'

'Flynn…'

'No Sera…' I said again. 'Choose one, without counting anything.' I replied again as I looked straight to her eyes. I saw her biting her lip and scratching her fingers. Self-harm usually is associated in stressful situations… With Sera for sure. After about 10 minutes of looking at them, she finally picked one. She wasn't convinced about it, but at least she chose one. She kept looking back… but remained with her choice. I decided not to overwhelm her anymore for the night, and choose the cheese myself. I had already proved to her, that the week was going to be hard work. There was going to be no negotiations… no escaping… the control had to be taken away…

After almost 2 hours of shopping, we made our way to the cash register, and let her place everything on the register while I remembered that I still had to buy some wine. I wanted to see the extent of the control… the extent of the organization. She started placing everything in alphabetical order, followed by size. Everything was perfectly aligned. I place the wine incorrectly on purpose, but soon she was there fixing everything in line. I took the palm of her hands slowly and squeezed them. It was painful seeing her like that… the control consumed her… she wasn't controlling… anorexia controlled her…

* * *

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	59. Chapter 58

**Sera' POV**

The drive was a very quiet one. I closed my eyes and thought to myself. Why was he doing this? Did he enjoy seeing me fight against all of this? What have I gotten myself into?! If he wasn't negotiating with shopping… let alone with other things… meal times were going to be double hard. There was no way I could ditch him. He's a professional in these things… and I don't think my parents kept him in the dark.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket. It did get me out of my thoughts, but I didn't feel like talking. I looked at the caller, and realised that it was my mother.

'Hey mum…' I greeted.

'_Hello sweetheart… Are you ok?'_

'Yes… why?'

'_You had to call me when you arrived…'_

'We're still on our way… We had to stop at the supermarket and do some grocery shopping mum… don't worry I didn't forget.'

'_Ok sweetheart…' She replied 'Is she ok?' I heard dad's voice. 'Yes Christian… do you want to talk to her?' She answered back while she handed dad the phone._

'_Hey peanut… Are you ok?'_

'Dad, stop worrying… I'm fine.' I replied again, while John drove into his drive way. 'We've just arrived dad.'

'_Ok peanut… Pass me on to John please…'_

'Dad wants to talk to you.' I said while I handed John the phone.

'Hello Christian… yes… no problem… I'll make sure of it… Don't worry about anything Christian… Ok… I'll pass you back.'

'Hey dad… Yeah… Ok… I do too … Say bye to mum… Good night…'

* * *

My nightmare had just started. Why was all this happening all of a sudden? I got out of the car and took my luggage. I couldn't carry it, so I took advantage of the wheels and slid it through.

'Do you need any help with that?' I offered.

'Just open the door for me Sera.' He replied as he handed me his keys. 'It's the purple one.'

I did as was asked; a rush of warm air flew past my cheek. Walter and Derek where running in the corridor, and as they noticed we both were there, they bolted straight towards us.

'Daddddyyyy!' Derek screamed while he went straight and jumped onto his father. John dropped everything from his hands and caught Derek immediately. Walter, on the other hand came straight running to me. He jumped onto me, but I couldn't lift him up as usual, but I still hugged him.

'Sera! You came!'

'I told you I would little guy!' I replied back as I ruffled his hair.

'Come Sera… let's play.' He insisted.

'Walter, give Sera a chance to settle down…' Rhian said as she came forward to us. 'Hey honey… did you get everything?' She asked Flynn while they kissed.

'Everything is in the bags.' He replied back.

'Welcome home Sera…' She smiled as she came forward and hugged me. Her warmth was welcoming. She was a great woman. She always had this charisma that had to make you love her. 'Walter, why don't you show her the guest room?' She asked while he pulled at my arm.

'Derek and I drew a picture for youw, and we placed it on the wall.' He continued excitedly.

'I'm sure I'll love it.' I smiled. 'Thanks Rhian…' I called behind me.

* * *

I remembered the house as before. Nothing incredible had changed, except for the now new fresh paint, and some more frames of the family here and there. A painting of Flynn and Rhian's wedding was present on the wall in the corridor upstairs. The lavender smell burnt my nose, but it was sweet smelling. Everything remained the same since the last I was there. Walter dragged me to the room I used to take before Jason died. The second guestroom used to have a small bed situated in there. I remembered when Jason used to hide under the bed, and Flynn would play with him as if he's playing with his own son. I smiled at the thought… I know had Walter to pamper as much as I used to pamper Jason.

'Come on Sera!' Walter urged as he dragged me to the room. 'I'll help you unpack…' He smiled.

'You're getting those 'r' sounds aren't you?' I smiled.

'Mhmm…' He nodded excitedly. '…and Ms. Verdi, gave me a star for saying the 'rrrwww'…'

'You see!' I smiled while we entered the room, and switched on the lights. The walls were a lovely shade of pink. The furniture surrounding the room was a blend of red and white oak. The smell of it resembled that of a clean air in a forest. The moon reflecting through the window made the room more welcoming. The bed was situated in the middle of the room and two cabinets where at the sides of the bed. The desk was fairly big, and it was situated under the window, and the sliding door wardrobe completed the room.

I place my laptop bag carefully on the desk and put my phone in my skinny jeans back-side pocket. I didn't want to drop my laptop, let alone break it. It was safe that way, especially with Walter running around. He was still a kid, and I knew about the limit Flynn and Rhian had sat on both their kids on technology use. They liked keeping them kids and let them grow and mature at their own rate.

'Can I help you unpack?' Walter asked as he dropped the luggage and started opening the zip.

'Careful Walter…' I ran towards him, almost afraid that the luggage could have fallen on him.

'What are these?' He asked as he took out my ballet shoes.

'Those Walter, are pointe shoes. When I dance I go on tippy toes on these…' I showed him, as I let the shoes on the floor in their natural position.

'Can you show me?' He asked excitedly.

'I'll show you later… Help me get this all fixed and then I'll show you…' I smiled.

He started taking all my clothes out and sat them on the bed. He didn't keep anything in order. It was making me irritated but I didn't want to stop him. He was having fun with his idea of helping. Soon Rhian came and called us for dinner. Walter ran immediately to his mother, but I still had a task at hand. I couldn't leave my clothes like that.

'Sweet heart, dinner is ready…'

'Um… I ate earlier Rhian…'

'Sera, I don't know how you work at home… but here we eat as a family, and you are part of this family… you have to join us…' She smiled. '… That is the one rule we hold…' She continued.

I decided not to argue with her. She was being nice... and my parents always taught me to never question rules. 'I'll be right down… I just need to get these in order.' I replied.

'Don't be long Sera…' She claimed before she left me to my confines.

I looked at the mess and felt my brain was about to explode. I didn't know where to start… all I knew was that I had to get everything in order… Everything to its original place… I started with separating the shirts from the trousers and leggings, and after I made sure that everything was to my own standards.

**Flynn's POV**

'Daddy I'm hungry…' Derek whined.

'Rhian did you tell Sera to come for dinner?'

'She said she needed a minute.' My wife replied as she took another sip of her wine.

'I'll go get her.' I replied. '…and you two, don't pester your mother to eat… you know the rule!'

'Can I come with you dad?' Walter jumped on his chair.

'No Will… I need to talk to Sera…'

* * *

I made my way to the guest room, and remained at the door seeing the extent of her obsession for perfection. She was folding the clothes in perfect symmetry and placing them in the wardrobe correctly. Her shoes were in exact parallel alignment to the bed. Nothing was out of order as teenagers may have in their rooms. I couldn't complain about her keeping a tidy room… but there had to be a stop to it. She was obsessed with having everything in even alignment. Everything in perfection. I decided to intervene.

'Sera…' I started as she finished the task at hand. 'Dinner has been ready for 15 minutes for sure… Can you come down please?'

'I'm almost done John.' She replied almost shaking.

'No Sera… now… the unpacking can wait. Nothing is out of order…' I said again while I moved forward. I took her from her shoulders and guided her out.

'Please, can you give me another minute to set everything in place?' She begged trying to resist me.

'No Sera… Dinner is ready now…' I replied again. I made sure to show her that I meant business. She may have had her own way with Christian and Ana, but not here… Our home… our rules…

She took her seat reluctantly further away from Rhian and me. I could see her getting more nervous by the minute. I went to help Rhian get everything. The first meal was to be easy for her, besides we usually take Sunday's main meal in the afternoon. It was more of a dinner snack.

'It's going well… Isn't it?' Rhian smiled.

'Don't give in to any negotiation… that is the key…' I replied, as both of us made our way back to our dinner.

'Walter would you like to say Grace?' Rhian asked.

'Yes mummy…'

'God, I thank you for the nice food you gave us, and I thank you for giving me a mummy and a daddy, and I thank you for… for anything that I have… and please don't forget the poor… and the dogs and cats running outside…'

'Would you like to add something Derek?'

'Yes… Thank you for chocolate Jesus!' He made us laugh…so innocent. 'Amen.'

'Mum can I have some chips with the salad please?' Walter asked.

'No dear… you had this afternoon…'

I looked over at Sera. She wasn't impressed on what's on offer. She struggled at her dish. It was a vegetarian salad with lettuce, peas, rucola and corn. I wanted to see how she would react in her comfort zone. Like many anorexics, they tend to be pressured to eat in public, thus they won't eat at all… She played with her fork, and played with her food.

We conversed as we usually did during our meal times, but she remained quiet confined in her own world. I realised she was looking down at her lap and I could see her phone reflection from her glasses.

'Sera, can you please put your phone away?' I asked, while she obeyed immediately. She still remained quiet, but at least she was having some bites here and there.

She managed to get through half of the lettuce and ate all her corn. I was pleased. At least salads were still on her menu. All we needed to do was experiment and play around different things. I wasn't going to allow anything pass by.

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	60. Chapter 59

**Sera's POV**

Monday went by faster than I thought it would be. Life constantly felt like going on fast-forward, not being able to stop for a moment. I guess I always found it easy to go on like that… I wasn't getting much sleep at the Flynn's. I didn't want any nightmare to resurface and wake them up. They were already being too nice… too understandable… almost unbelievable. However, it all took its toll on me. I fell into a dreamless sleep at around 4am on the desk.

**Flynn's POV**

The night was easy… too easy… Ana and Christian told me about Sera's nightmares… and till now… none of them occurred… and this was her second night already…

Walter and Derek woke us up as usual, by coming to our room. It was our first family's interaction in the morning. All of us in bed, cuddling for some minutes before I helped Rhian in preparing the kids for school. Walter was the hardest in the mornings. He woke up with so much energy, and wouldn't stop talking for a minute. He talked about his dreams, about what he wanted to do during the day. His philosophy reminded me back of when I was a kid, and used to do the same to my mother.

'… and then daddy, Willy Wonka was there, and he gave me anything I asked for…' He continued.

'Really?' I asked intrigued as I fixed his uniform tie. '…and what did you do then?'

'I woke up daddy… but I think I would have asked for his secret recipe, and then I would have brought it to you and then you could have done the most amazing cookies or chocolate… or anything…'

I laughed at his reasoning. One of my hobbies was cookery… He knew me so well. 'Walter stop moving for a second so you'll wear your cardigan…. There you go…' I continued while he jumped on me.

'Walter, where is your shoes?' Rhian asked as she took him from my arms. 'Let your father get ready for work… You little guy!' She cuddled.

'Daddy wanted to hear my dream!' He excitedly replied.

'You and your dreams!' She tickled. 'You need anything honey before I prepare breakfast?'

'Walter's button is a bit loose… Can you sow it fast? I'll do it later if the need be…' I replied as I got my suit out.

'I'll do it…' She replied as she put Walter down. 'Don't take long honey… you have to drive three kids to school… and one is eager to go to school.' She smiled.

* * *

Rhian had already prepared breakfast when I joined the family. Walter and Derek were already digging in their toasts. I moved forward to help Rhian with the lunches… while I sipped my coffee, but soon realized that one person was missing.

'Where's Sera?'

'Hasn't she woken up?'

'I didn't check… I heard the alarm go off…' I replied growing concerned.

'I'll go check on her… Will you continue here?' She asked.

'Sure…'

* * *

**Rhian's POV**

I made my way to her room, and knocked gently, but still didn't get a response. I opened the door gently, and saw her sleeping on her desk. I smiled at the scene… for once I saw her peaceful… I didn't want to wake her up, but she wouldn't miss school for no reason. I shook her gently from her shoulder. She woke up almost scared.

'Hey… good morning sunshine.' I smiled while I removed a lock of her hair from her face. 'It's morning Sera…'

'Damn… I slept in…'

'I don't think you slept at all Sera! The bed is still perfectly untouched, and you're on the desk.'

'What time is it?' She avoided the question as she closed her books.

'7am…'

'What?' She asked panicking.

'Calm down Sera… You'll manage to make it to school in plenty time.'

'I still have to shower, get dressed, do my hair…'

'Sera…' I moved forward and stopped her from her panic attack. 'Calm down… there's nothing to panic about. Take a deep breath… Good… Now… You go take a shower, and I'll lay down your clothes for you… Then come downstairs and join us for breakfast… Ok?' I told her gently. She nodded in agreement, and made her way to the bathroom. I opened her closet and realized that they were more organized that I did ours. I was almost afraid of moving anything. The hangers were equally aligned, and nothing stuck out of order. The order brought shivers down my spine.

I knew how anorexia consumed teens. As a child psychologist, I could sense a deeper connection to all of this. My husband knew it as much as I did. My decision on giving up my career for my family gave me a better life to be there for my children. I knew what bothered them and what made them sad… I knew what they loved, and I knew what ticked them off. It wasn't an easy decision to make. Especially for John. He was worried that I wouldn't be able to cope with the constant presence to my family…but family was always a priority for me… and seeing Sera like that made me realize the good decision I've taken.

Her wardrobe only consisted of grey, baby pink, black and blue. Nothing else was different… no colour… nothing different… I took out a black pair of leggings, leg warmers, and a grey cashmere sweater. Cashmere was her favourite… most of her wardrobe was like that. I laid them down for her, and took her laptop bag and school bag downstairs.

'Is she ok?' John asked me as he saw me placing her school bag besides Walter and Derek's.

'She slept in John.'

'Slept in?' He asked confused.

'She fell asleep while she was studying John…' I replied while I joined them. 'She'll soon be down...' I saw John lost in thought. He knew what that meant. She'll be skipping breakfast… this time not picking up at food… but because she's 'late'… We both knew the tendencies… we both knew how this went by… He sipped at his coffee and aided to Walter in getting his blazer on, while I helped Derek. Soon she was down. She looked paler than before. I looked at her fingers, and they were absolutely purple. There was no circulation at all. Her black coat on top of her was quite fitting, and it scared me looking at her tiny frame. It was a small size but it still hanged off her shoulders.

'I'm sorry I'm late.' She started while she remained at the door.

'Don't worry Sera.' John smiled. 'You have your school lunch on the counter.'

'I eat at the canteen…' She quickly replied.

'You can add that one to your lunch…' John insisted as he handed her the lunch himself. We both knew she wasn't going to eat it… but we wanted to make her feel in a family. She took it from his hands hesitantly, and stared at it. I saw her face filled with worry, but we didn't make a huge fuss on it.

'Let's get going.' John said again as he took the kids bags and his case. He moved forward to me, and kissed me as usual before leaving for work.

'Love you honey…'

'Love you too… see you at 5pm.' I replied again, while my two sons came running towards me.

'We'll miss you mummy…'

'I will too little men…' I replied as I hugged them and fixed their shawls. 'Now remember… I'll be picking you up at 2pm. Don't move from the gates. Ok?'

'Yes mummy.' They replied as they both kissed me. I moved towards Sera. She was still holding back. I went forward and fixed her shawl as well. 'I'll be picking you up at 3pm sweet heart.'

'I have swimming practice… would you be able to wait for 5 minutes please till I walk it out please?'

'No problem…' I replied as I hugged her and kissed her on her forehead. 'Take care… and have fun at school.'

**Flynn's POV**

She may have skipped breakfast, and there was no way she was going to eat her lunch, but tonight there were going to be no games. I knew how it worked… She may think she got her way… but not tonight. She remained quiet in the back seat, while Derek and Walter kept talking and discussing anything that little kids worried them.

She remained staring at the window, while she chewed the inside of her mouth. She kept playing with her fingers.

'Sera, what do you have today?' I asked her maybe she'll talk a bit.

'Um… this morning I have physics, politics, double chemistry, and double biology… then I have swimming…'

'Sounds quite hectic… make sure you take your break… you need to relax for all those lessons.'

'I'll do…'

'That's…6 hours lessons and an hour and a half swimming?'

'Mhmm…' She replied as I stopped the car.

'Remember, Rhian will pick you up at 3pm… and don't forget to rest. If you need anything call me or Rhian… ok?'

'Mhmm.' She replied as she took her things. 'Bye Walter… bye Derek…'

'See you later Sera!'

I watched her going in the building. However Natalie caught up to her. As I made sure that she was safe inside the building, I could leave. I grew more concerned at her distance… she was way too closed in her confines.

**Sera's POV**

Finally… school! I could take my mind of all the things… I could finally rest! I placed my lunch in the locker while I saw that Natalie was lost searching for something. She kept talking about Mark and her… I was happy for her for her relationship… but I think she was moving a bit too fast… but I didn't want to put her down.

'It was the best weekend ever… he was romantic… romantic movies… wine… lots and lots of…'

'Ok Natalie… TMI! Please spare my ears!' I laughed while I closed my locker.

'Ha ha… Very funny Sera…. You know… when you'll find your Mr. you'll know what it means… It's not just sex… your first time would be amazing…' she continued…

I stopped to think… I didn't reply to her… my first time… yeah… it's not amazing at all… If… if sex was like that I never wanted to have it… I never wanted to have someone… nobody would want me… I'm used… worthless. All of a sudden she seemed to realize something.

'Oh my… I'm so sorry Sera…' She stopped to a halt. 'I didn't mean to…'

'Don't worry Natalie…' I smiled. 'Um…. I… I have to go for now… I need to talk to Mr Monroe… I have to take some extra lessons.'

'Sera… don't you think you're taking too many lessons too much?'

'I have to catch up on everything Natalie.' I replied again.

'I'm sorry… It slipped my mind for a second…'

'Don't worry Natalie… you were happy about your weekend… it's understandable…' I smiled. 'I'll see you later?'

'I'll keep you a seat in physics…' She smiled.

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	61. Chapter 60

**Sera's POV**

As I finished my swimming practice, the coach took me to aside. She said she was concerned about me. She kept saying things that I had to look after myself… but I didn't quite know what she was talking about. All I saw was fat. She told me that she may have to take me off the team… till I get better. It wasn't fair… I couldn't lose swimming…

**Rhian's POV**

I decided to watch the last bit of the swimming practice. Walter and Derek were sitting beside me, enjoying themselves with a new game they had learned at school. It was quite entertaining seeing them that close together. I looked in front and in the pool, was a constant rowing Sera. She didn't stop. She made the laps two times as the coach asked the girls, but I was quite astonished at her body as she got out of the pool. I never realized it had gone this far. Glad John and I made the decision.

I saw the coach talking to her, and I could see Sera rubbing her elbows. That was one of her signs in being uncomfortable. As she moved to the changing rooms, I thought on having a small talk with the coach.

She was quite a nice lady, and she shared her feelings about Sera's condition. I realized that from the coach's explanation, the situation was worse than we all had thought. I still was in question about how Ana and Christian didn't realize anything. They were too lenient and gave in to her food issues.

'I'll talk to her parents. Thanks for the concern coach Wilkinson.' I smiled as we shook hands and I saw Sera walking out of the changing room, back into her warm clothes.

'I think it would help if she got professional help.' She insisted again.

'Thanks again…' I smiled while Walter and Derek ran towards Sera. 'I have to go…'

'I understand… kids.'

* * *

'Hello Sera, how are you?' I asked as I held her from her shoulders.

'Sorry I let you waiting.'

'No need to be… I enjoyed seeing you swim.' I smiled. 'Now let's get going…'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

Back at home, I remained in the kitchen doing my homework and studies. Rhian was busy preparing dinner, while Walter and Derek were on my sides doing their own homework. I realized how easy their work was. When I was their age, I thought that the entire math was hard… and it was simply addition and subtraction… today… not so much.

'Mummy… I can't understand this one!' Walter whined.

'What is it dear?' She asked as she came forward.

'This one…' He pointed, while she read, but soon the pot started to boil.

'Damn… Give me a second dear.' She replied as she ran to the pot.

'I'll help him Rhian…' I smiled, while I read the question. 'In my mother's cupboard, there are 5 cookies, and I bought 15 more cookies on the way to home. How many cookies would I have in the cupboard?'

'It's a hard one Sera…' He worriedly replied.

'No… look at this way. Imagine you have 15 cookies, and then your mother gives you 5 more cookies… how much do you have left?'

'Nothing…' He simply replied.

'I think someone doesn't know his math!' I tickled him playfully.

'No! I know my math! I think you don't know Derek!' He replied again.

'Hey! What did I do now?' He asked.

'What does Derek has to do with this problem?' I asked intrigued at his thinking.

'Because if he'll hear I have twenty cookies, then I'll end up with nothing.' He reasoned.

'Mhmm… that's true…' Derek replied.

'Anyhow… you have your answer Walter…' I smiled.

* * *

At around 5.30pm John arrived home and as usual, Walter and Derek greeted him. I didn't want to ruin the family's affection so I remained there… However; both Rhian and him included me in their family. It felt nice having someone include me… At home it was another story… We do greet each other, but soon I would make myself scarce when the arguing starts again.

'Come on, clear up the table… Dinner is ready.' Rhian instructed. I quickly switched off my laptop and closed my books in order. I took them up to 'my room', and was soon back downstairs. I realized that the table was already set, and the meal was the most dish I feared. Although it smelled amazing, I felt the pasta revolting... Rhian had made what seemed small spaghetti like pasta with white sauce. I think they were called casarecce. If I had pasta and when I had it, it had to be brown to decrease refined carbohydrates... And for sure I would have never taken it with white sauce. It had all sorts of butter and dairy products in it. It was full of saturated fats... The worst kind of fats one can put in his body. She told me than in mine she hadn't put any bacon as I'm a vegetarian... But milk is a product of cows making it an animal source food... How was I to eat that?

All of them engaged themselves in some talk... I tried keeping track of it...but I was too lost in what I was supposed to do...

'Sera, is everything alright sweet heart?' Rhian asked as she aided to the mess Derek had done to his face.

'Yes...um... Can I be excused please?' I asked gently.

'Yes dear...' she replied. I saw Flynn resting his back to the chair, but finally he talked.

'Don't sleep... I need to talk to you...' was his only response while I moved from the table.

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	62. Chapter 61

**Flynn's POV**

She didn't even touch the food... She played with it, and now it got cold. She thought she will be let gone off easily...but she still doesn't know what's coming. After all of us finished our dinner and Rhian placed the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, I brought some files on the table and placed a chair opposite to where I was to sit.

'Daddy, can we stay up and watch Tom and Jerry?' Walter asked, while I heated up Sera's dinner.

'No Walter... You need to go get ready for bed...' I smiled as I went down to my youngest. 'Don't worry, I will record it for you and you'll watch it later... What do you think?'

'Ok... But only if I have a piece of chocolate...' he negotiated.

'Didn't you just have dessert?'

'Don't tell Derek that I told you... but he took mine...' he whispered.

'Derek?' I asked while he came forward. 'Is it true that you took Walter's chocolate?' I asked while he smiled cunningly.

'Well... I didn't quite take it... Walter left it there, and I ate it...'

'Derek you should never take things from your brother.' I explained. 'Apologize to your brother...'

'...Sorry Walter… You can have the biggest piece tomorrow…' He said while he hugged Walter.

'There you go… All better Walter?' I asked

'Mhmm..' he smiled while he yawned.

'Let's get ready for bed...' Rhian said while both obeyed, until they ran towards me again giving me their good night kiss.

'Mummy, are you coming?' Walter asked.

'In a minute big guy...' she replied. 'I need to speak to your father...'

We waited till we heard the bathroom door open, until she started to speak.

'What are you going to do?' she asked.

'She's going to eat... And I will stay here observing her.' I continued as I sat everything in place.

'I'll leave you to it then...' she smiled as she came forward to kiss me... 'I'll be with the kids... They want me to read them that damn book you gave them for Christmas...'

* * *

I made sure to see that I had everything in place. A clear transparent glass, water, one napkin, cutlery... I made my way to her room, and she was there lost in writing her notes...

'Sera... Can you come down please?' I called her gently. 'I need help with something.'

She came immediately without any hesitation and followed me quietly. I moved forward to the kitchen and she remained at the kitchen entrance.

'Sit Sera...' I ordered while I saw that she realized what I was doing.

'What is this?' she asked while I held the chair out for her to take it.

'Sera, you didn't have any breakfast and I bet you skipped lunch too. You went running and had swimming lesson today... And you think I'm allowing you to skip dinner?'

'I'm not hungry...'

'I didn't ask if you are hungry or not Sera... You still have to eat your dinner.' she knew I meant business. There was no way in hell that she was going to escape this one. 'Sera... Please... The longer you take the longer we'll be here.' Finally she moved forward hesitantly. She remained enclosed and her body language made me realize that it wasn't going to be easy.

Her long curly hair rested gracefully on her shoulders. It made her look smaller. She had quite thick hair...but due to lack of nutrients, it looked dull, and her curls were losing its shape, making her face look smaller than it already was.

'Sera, please tie your hair back, roll up your sleeves, and place both of your hands on the table, and hand me your shoes please.' I ordered. I knew all the tricks anorexics have. They would even hide their food in their hair... Up their sleeves... Even in shoes... They make it seem like they dropped something, but in reality they're just hiding their food.

I placed her portion in front of her. It was smaller than what Walter had... But we had to break the cycle slowly. I could see her getting nervous, and started scratching and playing with her fingers. I grew more concerned. She resorted to self-harm unconsciously.

'Start eating please...' I ordered as I sat down in front of her.

'You can go... If you want...' she suggested.

'No... Sera I'm staying here till I see that plate empty.' I replied again. 'You have all the time you want... No rush... Take your time... I have plenty of paper work to catch up on.' I smiled while I handed her the fork.

She thought about it before she took it in her hand. I rested my back to the chair, and wore my glasses. I started writing trying to give her some space in getting herself to eat... But it was to no avail. She remained there still playing with the food. She took few sips of water here and there, but she still didn't touch anything. It's been almost half an hour, and yet she resorted to hold on to her control... I took of my glasses and stared at her. I realized there was a hint of tears in her eyes... Her legs were shaking uncontrollably as a sign of nervousness. I closed off my file and turned my full attention to her. Her hand was to her head, and she was rubbing her temples.

'Sera, please stop fidgeting...'

'Why are you doing this? Are you enjoying seeing me like this?'

'No... I am not doing this to entertain myself Sera. You need to eat... And avoiding food won't help...'

'Please... I promise I'll eat tomorrow... Not today...'

'No Sera... There are no offers on the table... You have to eat... And we're not moving from here until you finish.' I replied again. 'You say you are fine and that you can do this on your own Sera... Prove to me that you can... Eat...' I said again as I moved forward to her.

'Fine... I can't do it... I can't eat... Are you happy now?'

'No...That doesn't make me happy... It makes me concerned... And worried but not happy...'

'...and why should you be? I'm not your daughter and you are not my father.' she threw back.

'I may not be your father... But you are my responsibility now... I love you as if you were my own...'

'No... No...' she said as she stood up moving away from everything. I followed her and stopped her.

'No what sera?...' I turned her facing me, waiting for her response.

'No ... You cannot love me... I'm nothing to you or anybody... I'm just worthless... You are...'

'Sera your grandparents raised me as if I was their own after my parents died... I was alone and I wanted to remain confined to my own loneliness... But it doesn't work... You need to let people in Sera... You need to let me help you...'

'...and why should I do that John? I've tried that... And it doesn't work... Have you looked at my parents lately? All they do is shout and slap... They only think about themselves making everything about them... Everyone leaves in the end... And it would all be to nothing...'

'How does that make you feel Sera?' I asked gently as I caught one of her tears...

'I don't want to talk about that...' she retreated back as she tried freeing herself.

'No... You're not going anywhere until you eat... '

'Please...'

'No sera... You have to eat...' I insisted again as I dragged her back to her seat. I sat beside her, and rubbed her back gently... 'Take a small bite...just one bite…' she looked at me pleadingly... But it doesn't work that way. If she were in an eating disorders unit they would have put her straight on a feeding tube... I took the fork from her hand gently. She was like a 4 year old still learning how to eat. I put some of her pasta on the fork.

'You're going to feed me?'

'You need to eat Sera... One way or another...' I replied again as I held the fork in front of her. 'Open your mouth.' I said again, while she shook her head in disagreement. 'Sera it won't work with me... We'll stay the whole night if the need be... Until you eat...' she thought about it, and finally she took the fork in her hand. She looked at it, and finally it was brought to her lips. She closed her eyes tightly and chewed slowly. I felt her shaking with sobs, but at least we arrived somewhere...

'Keep going Sera...' I encouraged. She remained quiet, only for few sobs that shook her body every now and then. The 50g of pasta were decreasing little by little. She kept rubbing her temple and her foot kept nervously shaking. I had taken her control away... There was nothing she could do... Only to comply.

'Come on... You're doing great kiddo...' I smiled while I squeezed her shoulder in encouragement. It was already 8pm, and it had been almost 2 hours that we had been struggling to eat. She grabbed her napkin, and I knew what she was about to do. I stopped her immediately. 'No, first swallow... Then use the napkin...' I instructed. There was no way she could trick me.

After few more bites, her plate was almost finished, she left about a fork. Anorexics tend to never finish their meal... It's how it all starts... First not finishing a meal... Then cut out snacks and junk food altogether, then decrease their portions by half, then by quarter and then by eight... Until finally they hold on to starving themselves until someone stops them...

'Can I be excused?'

'No... You are going to stay here, and you are going to keep what you ate down...'

'Please I really need to go to the bathroom...' she begged.

'No Sera... Your bulimic tendencies want you to...' I replied again. 'We are going to move to the couch and we are going to talk...'

'I really need to use the bathroom' she insisted again.

'Ok then...' I replied as I stood up and waited for her.

'You're coming with me?'

'Yes... And I'm going to remain outside the door... Any heave I hear and I'm in...'

'Don't you trust me?'

'I do trust you... It's your anorexia that I don't trust...' I said again. 'Come...'

**Sera's POV**

It was going to be harder... Him outside the door... How was I to cover the sounds? What have I gotten myself into? It's already hard enough as it is... Having to eat that... Let alone keeping it down... There were no compromises with him... I wasn't able to trick him... I couldn't do anything...

'You have 10 minutes...' he instructed.

I entered the bathroom, and closed the door. He removed the key so that I won't lock myself in there. I needed to get rid of everything... But how? I had managed to make the process faster by time... But... Could I risk it or not?

Before I knew it, I was already on my knees. I flushed the toilet to drown the sounds and soon my fingers were deep in my throat. All it took was one tickle at the back of my throat, and I could see some of the pasta floating on top of the water. I looked at the door and realized that he didn't hear anything..._'maybe he wasn't so sharp after all...'_ I smiled to myself. My head was already throbbing... And I could feel all my sinuses congested. I went in for the second time, and a reasonable amount came up. Only this time, there was a hand stopping me from doing it again.

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	63. Chapter 62

This chapter is dedicated to Marion Mello, for her kind words and motivation, along for her support throughout these chapters :)... Thank you! :DD

* * *

**Flynn's POV**

I heard the toilet flush, and something in me stirred. I knew there was something wrong. I listened through the door, and heard a small heave. I opened the door... And there she was... On her knees as a slave. With one hand holding to the toilet seat as tight as she could, and with the other pushing down her throat. I went forward and removed her from doing anymore damage. I quickly flushed again, and moved her towards the sink. I rinsed her hand, but she still fought against me. I removed her glasses and placed them in my pocket. I thoroughly splashed water on her face and dried it immediately with a nearby towel. She pushed against me to go back to it… but I held her stronger.

'No please... I need to do it... please...' she begged.

'No Sera... No...' I replied again as I held her stronger.

'Please Flynn... Please...' she cried as she crumbled to the ground. I went down beside her and held her close to me... She needed affection... She needed someone to be there for her.

'No Sera... You need to keep what's left down...' I said again

'Please Flynn...' she said again as tried pushing me.

'Shhh... Relax... Shh... I'm here...' I held her stronger and rubbed her back gently. It wasn't supposed to affect me that way... But it did... The disease changed tactics... This was no longer the Sera I once knew... This was the anorexia talking... Sera was just defeated and crumbled... I thought if it was too late to save her...there was so much to do… She needed to realize that she had to get better... Rhian came through the door, and realized what just happened. She stood there dumbstruck at everything... I motioned her to give us some time. She knew what it meant when things got out of hand...

'Sera... Stop fighting me... I'm not letting you near the toilet...' I urged as I held her tighter. I felt her body lose the fight. She gave in and let me comfort her. I let her hair loose, and passed my fingers through her hair. Locks of curls were in my hand. She stared at my hand and kept feeling her hair. It was falling off at an alarming rate.

'You know…' she started in a weak voice. 'I haven't had a period in almost a year… My hair keeps falling off… and I know it's bad… but it doesn't scare me…' She continued as she passed her hand through her hair again, and more fell off. 'I don't comb my hair… I let it stay in its natural way to not have anymore loss… but it doesn't stop…'

'Sera, your body is trying to conserve the little nutrients you have left… you need to get back into therapy… you need to get better.' I insisted as I laid her down with her head on my lap. 'You've become infertile…'

'I never wanted to be fertile… My best friend keeps telling me about how her sex life is with her boyfriend… and the thought… that… I'm worthless… I'm used… makes me think how much I don't want to have anything to do with guys…' She started. 'I remember… when I started having my periods, I used to take cold showers… I believed that it would make blood clot, so I won't be having it… or it wouldn't come at its normal flow… It could have been January… and I still would have had freezing cold showers.

'…and how long has that been?'

'Since I was 12 or so?... I don't quite remember.'

'Sera, you have blocked many memories… it is normal to feel overwhelmed.'

'I don't feel overwhelmed… I'm just tired… I feel like I want to die… I would get out of this misery… It's constantly tiring… I have to do things the certain way… count everything… I want to stop… I really do… but I can't… I'm afraid.'

'What are you afraid of, Sera? Does anorexia represent who you are?'

She remained quiet. I knew the answer to the question. I only wanted her to answer, but she only kept quiet.

'Sera, tell me this… What do you see when you look in front of the mirror?'

Again, she remained quiet. Body Dysmorphia dominated in anorexic minds and Sera was very sick. 'Sera?' I asked again, as I squeezed her arm gently.

'I… I try to not look at mirrors anymore…'

'Why?'

'…because I look sick Flynn…'

'Sick how Sera?'

'Fat sick… I hate myself… I used to wonder why I wasn't perfect enough for my parents… and since… maybe… 5… 6 years ago I started controlling. I loved the feeling of hunger… I still do… It makes me feel alive… but I still see myself huge… I never look at my reflection. I'm ugly…'

'No you're not Sera… and you are nowhere near fat. What I'm trying to do is change your mirror…'

'… but what I see is true… I am fat… I feel fat…'

'No… it's what your anorexia wants to show you, and wants you to feel… You are not well Sera… you need to let me help you…'

'You talk about … about it as if it is some kind of another personality…'

'Sera, the anorexia tells you what to do… It is the illness… it is hard to explain it… only you feel it… only you can let me help you stop it.'

'I can't… I don't deserve it…' she said again as she started crying. Anorexics have very low self-esteem and very low feelings of self-worth, and because of that, they avoid really anything which pampers them or gives them pleasure a lot of the time. They tend to block anyone and everyone out to avoid building feelings, so they won't have to deal with any of the pain when it comes for departure. 'I think about…' She started, but she soon stopped.

'You think about what Sera?'

'Nothing…'

'You know you can tell me sweet heart!' I encouraged. 'I only want to help you.'

'I can't…'

'Why?'

'This thing inside my fucking head doesn't allow me… it constantly tells me what to do… It constantly tells me how to move... or what to frikkin feel… I hate it… but I don't want to stop… I can't stop this…'

'Why do you feel like that Sera? As you can see you're not having a lot of good effects from anorexia. It's only robbing your life slowly… and it already has consumed you…' I explained.

'…but like this… I won't have to deal with anything… I just push it back… and don't have to think… do you know how hard it is to watch my parents constantly fight? After Jason died, none of them went back to what they were… I hate them… and I hate that I want them… They think I don't know what happened that night… they think I'm still left in the dark about some stuff… but they don't realize that I know.'

'You know about Jason's death?' I asked confused. We had told her that he died in his sleep… knowing the truth would have crushed her.

'Yeah… I know all about the red room of frikkin torture… I know all about dad's sick obsession… He belted me when I once entered that fuckin room. He said that I had to follow the rules… yeah… like he kept to his… and look where it got my brother… 7 feet under the ground…'

'Christian didn't have an easy life…'

'Yeah… I know… Elena taught him the ropes… she got him where he is now… I sometimes think… what if I was a mistake? I mean… my mother always used contraception. What if she missed one and I was conceived by mistake? They wanted Jason. I still remember the discussions and paper work… and social service visits…'

'Ana wanted you very much…'

'Yeah… I can see that…' She sarcastically replied. '…and what about my father? You only mentioned my mother!'

'What else do you know about Jason's death?'

'Leila wanted dad. He was married to mum. Apparently she managed to pass all security cameras, and nobody noticed her entering. She knew about Jason, and came to the nursery.'

'You were there weren't you?' I asked. I now realized everything. They couldn't find Sera that night, and hours later, they found her in the closet in Jason's nursery. It was traumatizing for her to see her brother killed. How could I have missed that? This went way back since she was 12… This was far more serious.

I finally realized...

'It was that time you stopped calling me Uncle John...' I stated. I closed my eyes, and kept trying to see the bigger picture... Those were early signs... I missed them...

'I couldn't let you in... I kind of knew what your job entailed...' she whispered almost ashamed of herself. 'I couldn't let you in... I didn't want to let you in. I had to be a grown up... I didn't want to seem a pathetic weak girl...' she replied as I moved her closer to me. I decided to let that go off for the moment... And see what she knew about Jason's death...

'Do you remember what happened Sera?'

'I saw her grabbing him. I wanted to do something but I was such a coward to get out of there. All I wanted was to spend the night near Jason. I was so happy that I finally had someone to play with… someone to love and cuddle with… then my mum entered the room, because Jason was crying in Leila's arms. He was only three years old John… Three! Mum screamed for dad. He came running. She mumbled something about wanting him for herself… about being better from something… and she took it against dad at why he chose my mother rather than her… He begged her to leave Jason alone. He asked her to talk… he offered her money… he thinks that he can reach Heaven with money. He finally thought to give her what she wanted… I remember his words… he told her that he'll be hers only if she leaves Jason alone… and you know what she told him?' She asked.

'What Sera?'

'She told him, that we were a distraction. She took the gun and literally placed it to his head. She… she shot him cold…' She replied. I saw her close her eyes and cringed in pain. 'There… there was blood everywhere… a pool near his head…his… his body laid limp on the ground… his eyes remained open…' She said as she stood up immediately and when straight to the toilet. She threw up violently at the memories. I held her hair back, and let her get rid of everything. She wasn't making herself sick… it wasn't her fault. She experienced a traumatizing event that cost her, her childhood.

'Shh… relax…' I said again as I rubbed her back gently. 'She threw up everything… there was nothing left… She coughed violently. I brought her a tissue and while she held for support, I wiped her mouth. I helped her up to her feet, but I realized she had no strength. I guided her to the sink to rinse her mouth. She did it immediately, but she was getting paler by the minute. 'Sera, look at me.' I started. 'Answer me… are you feeling dizzy?' She simply nodded. She lost the entire little colour she had; it wouldn't have been long for her to collapse on me. I lifted her off and she didn't struggle at all. She was lighter than Derek… and that rang bells. I had to talk to Grace and Carrick. Medically, they excelled at it… I only had to be there for her… Christian and Ana didn't even realize that their daughter knew everything. I felt disgusted by their tock on things.

She almost slept in my arms. I took her straight to her room, and decided not to wake her up. Exhaustion took its toll on her. I took her to her room and I think for the first time she was going to use her bed. I covered her with the quilts. She was shivering. After I made sure she was sound asleep, I decided to retreat to my wife. It was still 10pm, and she was still waiting for me. I had to discuss this with her. She could talk to Ana… She knew how to handle this, woman to woman. All I knew was that they needed a huge wake up call. Their daughter is killing herself… and they don't notice. Sera was too depressed… and worst of all, we all let this go too far... It's been years that she had put it off... I still couldn't understand how Ana and Christian didn't see anything... If Walter and Derek had something, Rhian and I would have picked it up...

One thing was for sure. I wasn't going to allow this go on.

'John, is everything ok?' Rhian asked as she came forward and nuzzled into my chest.

'Sera knows...'

'Knows?' she asked confused. 'Knows what?'

'She knows about Christian's obsession... She knows about Jason's death... She saw it in front of her eyes...'

'What? I don't understand... She knows?'

'Yes Rhian... She knows...' I replied back as I hugged her to me. 'She just spilled her guts out... And I bet there's more to what she told me...'

'What are you going to do?' she asked gently.

'Talk to Christian and Ana for sure... Here, we both can keep an eye on her... When she's back home, we'll see if she keeps her improvement...'

'...and if not? John, you know how this goes by... She goes back to that environment and she'll only get worse...'

'Then we'll know what's making her like this... She needs a family...' I replied as I kissed Rhian's forehead. 'Will you be able to stay with her tomorrow? She doesn't have school. I checked her calendar.'

'Study day?' She asked.

'Mhmm...' I replied back. 'I can take her to work with me if you'd like.'

'No... I'll stay with her... We'll prepare a meal together... Then I'll take her shopping and I'll see how she reacts to everything...' Rhian replied. 'At least, I'll put my diplomas to a bit of use... Now let's get some sleep... It's going to be a long day tomorrow...' she smiled as she kissed me. We slept cuddling into each others arms. 'I love you Rhian...'

'I love you too honey...'

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	64. Chapter 63

This chapter is dedicated for kiwijoelle, for suggesting the Walter and Derek incident in his chapter, and for her constant motivation! :) Thanks a lot kiwijoelle! :D

Also, I'd like to thank Grey Steele fan, and Christian 618, along with Marion Mello, halogatos (thanks for your detailed Reviews! :D They're helpful! :D ), karil, and JoDrum! :) ...

Lastly, I thank all of those that have taken their time to read my fanfiction :) ... Thanks to all of you! :) ...

* * *

**Rhian's POV**

Like all mornings, Derek and Walter came to us. They always made a different entrance each time. Sometimes they sang… sometimes they played… sometimes they talked in the third person. This time they jumped on us. Derek was growing up, and sometimes his weight crushed me taking all my breath out… but I'd give anything to have my kids like this…

'Daddy! Dadddy!' Walter screamed. 'Wake up!'

'Mhmm… Is this an angel I hear?' He joked while he kept his eyes closed.

'Yes daddy! Yess!' He jumped again between us, while Derek joined him.

'Daddyy! Wake up!'

'Oh my! It's very dark in here!' He said again as he took a seating position and kept his eyes closed.

'Daddy! You have your eyes closed!' Derek said again.

'I need help to open them!' He continued as he acted on trying to open his eyes.

'I'll do it daddy! I'll do it!' Walter jumped on him.

'Easy Wills! You'll hurt your father!' I caught him in mid-air, while he came to my ear me.

'Let's tickle daddy, mummy!' He whispered…

'I think… that's a Great idea…' I smiled. 'Are you starting?'

'What are you planning you too there?' My husband asked. 'Derek needs help here…' He joked

'This daddy!' Walter jumped again as he started to tickle him. All of us joined in. I never imagine for a man to be so tickly… but John was… and I could use to it my advantage… All of us could.

* * *

**Sera's POV**

I woke up to Walter and Derek's laughs. It made me smile and their innocence… It made me smile at how all of them were towards each other. I looked around me and realized that I was tucked in bed, and that I still had plenty of work to catch up on. I decided to get up and start preparing for a full day speed ahead. At least I didn't have school. All the better… more time to study… I opened the closet and stared at it. I had millions of possibilities to choose from… but as usual, I took out my black leggings and Blue cashmere sweater. It was all fluffy and warm… Its feel was quite comforting.

I started making my way to the bathroom, but soon stopped before I passed by Rhian and John's room. They were having quite a great morning. I remained outside hearing their laughs… I could feel a warm feeling inside… I slid down to the wall and held my knees close to my chest. I didn't want to pry… and neither eaves drop… but I couldn't just pass in front of the door… I wanted to have a family like theirs… with all that affection… all I could do was just listen to them… that was the closer I could get to a normal family...

* * *

**John's POV**

'Ok… stop it!' I said as I tried shielding myself, but soon Rhian held me and let the kids have their fun.

'Oh… and that's how it's going to be?' I asked. 'Will, Derek… you know what's next?'

'Mhmm!' Derek said as he jumped on Rhian. 'Tickle mummy time!' He laughed.

'Yess…' I replied as we all turned against Rhian, but she was hard to get tickled, so we turned to the kids. They loved it… I looked over at the clock and realised that it was already 6.45am, and in about 30 minutes we all had to get ready. 'Ok… kids… Let's get ready!' I smiled as I picked up Will.

'Do the aeroplane daddy!' Walter asked while I complied. He loved piggy bag rides… he loved anything that had to do with things like that. Rhian on the other hand took care of Derek, but he seemed a bit out of it that morning.

'Derek, is everything alright baby boy?' She asked him slowly as she helped him get into his shirt and tied the buttons.

'Mhmm…' He replied as he looked down.

'What is it sweet heart?' She asked him again as she searched for his eyes. 'Is something bothering you?'

'No mummy… I'm just thinking…'

'About what dear?'

'Well, yesterday at school, a woman during the lunch thing we had, a woman came to talk to us, and she started talking about some pyramids.'

'Egyptian pyramids?' She asked while she helped him getting his trousers on.

'No… about the food pyramid… and she told us… that if we don't eat or eat too much, we can have problems… she said that the fat ones are called obtuse and the very thin ones also are sick… she said they can have annotation and bulmia?' He asked gently. Rhian looked at me, and we both realised that we couldn't keep this any longer. Derek was growing up.

'Yes? And what's worrying you about that dear?' She asked again as she tied his belt.

'Well, yesterday at swimming, I saw Sera… and she looked all bony… like in the pictures she showed us…'

'…and she doesn't eat with us…' Walter continued.

'…and on Sunday I heard her crying in her room, and Walter and I went beside her… and she told us she was a bit sad…' Derek continued.

'Come here Derek…' I called him as I sat Walter down, while Rhian sat beside them and lifted Derek on her lap.

'What the lady was trying to tell you, is that there will be problems if we don't eat properly. Some over eat, and as you put it they get fat, and they become obese. It's not their fault… they never wanted to get that way… they are sad and instead of talking, they tend turn to comfort food.'

'Like I do with chocolate mummy?' Walter asked.

'No dear… You eat chocolate because you love it, not because it comforts you dear.'

'…and what about the very thin ones?' Derek asked.

'Well, some others, resort to dieting, and it goes out of hand. They lose weight but they still see themselves fat… They may either become anorexic or bulimics Derek.' I explained. '…or in some cases… both…'

'The woman said that not only girls can have but also boys. Can I catch it? Like the flu?' He asked full of innocence.

'No dear, you don't catch anorexia or bulimia… you develop one.' Rhian explained.

'Is Sera sick daddy?' Walter asked sadly.

'Unfortunately, yes… She is…'

'The woman told us that people can die if they don't eat.' Derek said again.

'Is Sera dying daddy?' Walter asked in tears. 'Please don't let her die daddy! She's my sister! Please daddy!'

'If she doesn't eat… yes… she may die…' I replied as I caught my son's tears.

'I don't understand… why doesn't she eat daddy?' Derek asked as he scratched his head.

'… She wants to… she gets hungry like we all do… she can't eat because she feels that she needs to punish herself…'

'For what? She never does anything wrong daddy!'

'Sera had a tough life… it's how she handles things…'

'…but if she eats she won't die… right?'

'No Derek… she won't…'

'I don't want her to die… What can I do to help her daddy?' He asked again.

'Love her… make her feel wanted… that you need her…'

'I do need her daddy… Can you ask her to be my girlfriend?' He asked excitedly. I laughed at his answer. He truly loved Sera.

'She's way too old for you Derek.'

'Ok… but I still love her… I love her as my sister…' He smiled.

'Can she stay with us for a couple more days' daddy?' Walter asked.

'She has till next Monday with us… and then we'll invite her again some other time… What do you say?' Rhian asked.

'Yessss!' Walter jumped.

* * *

**Sera's POV**

'So Sera will be coming here more often?' I heard him asking. 'Derek told me, that before she used to come with her brother…'

'Yes… they both used to come here very often Walter…' Rhian replied as she kissed Derek's forehead.

'I've never met her brother…' Walter asked.

'He's with Jesus Walter… God wanted him.'

'So he's with grandma and grandpa and Uncle James?' He asked again.

'Yes… Walter… He is.' John smiled. From the shadow on the floor I realized he had just hugged him. Walter reminded me so much of Jason. He was everything to me, but at least I have Walter. He cannot fill the void of Jason… but at least he can be my surrogate brother.

I didn't realise that Derek was affected this much by everything. He was young, but he was observant as his father was. It amazed me at how he added things to the equation. He was going to be successful in life… I knew it…

'Now let's get all ready…' Rhian said again as I saw her put Derek down. I rested my head to the wall. I felt worse having to affect two little kids. They didn't have to know about anything… they didn't have to know about anything that makes life a living hell… I closed my eyes, and brought back memories of when I was their age. I remembered my mother holding me on her hip, and moving around. I remembered my father waiting for me with open arms… What happened? What changed?

**John's POV**

We couldn't keep it off any longer. It had to come out at some point. I didn't think it was to be this early… but it did occur. Both were growing up, and it was no use lying to them. Rhian and I continued getting our sons ready for school. They were a mess in the morning when coming to get ready, but we still loved them. I realized that there was a form outside. I moved forward and realized Sera was there.

'Sera?' I asked, but she didn't answer. She was lost in thought. 'Sera?' I tried again as I shook her gently as I went down beside her. She flinched immediately and I could see panic in her eyes.

'Sorry… I didn't mean to eaves drop…' She apologized.

'How much did you hear?'

'Enough to realise I made your life a living hell too…' She replied.

'You didn't kiddo… We all love your stay here…' I replied as I held my hand forward for her to take it. 'Come…You're part of the family…'

'…are you sure?' She asked hesitantly.

'Sera, if I wasn't sure I wasn't going to let you stay here, let alone love you as my own… come…' I insisted again. She took my hand and I guided her to our room. Walter and Derek both ran towards her. I had to hold her from her back to not fall.

'Sera!' Walter started. 'Good morning!'

'Good morning little guy…' She smiled lightly while I got my suit out.

'Sera, dear, can you help Walter get his shoes on?' Rhian asked gently.

'Mhmm…' She replied. 'Do you mind if I go take a shower afterwards?'

'Sera, you don't need to start your day full speed ahead. After breakfast while John is at work and the kids are at school, we'll crash in here, and watch a movie…' She smiled as she moved forward.

'I… I have to study… it's not that I don't want to…'

'Come on Sera… you have 24 hours in a day… I'll help you study later, we'll cook together… and then we'll go out for a walk or something… what do you say?'

'You mean…'

'Like a mother daughter day?' Rhian asked as she moved Sera's hair behind her ear. 'Yes… we used to do it before… but that doesn't mean we cannot do it again…' She smiled. 'What do you say?'

'Ok…'

* * *

**Rhian's POV**

We both crashed in bed and watch Sister Act. It was our favourite movie. Back when Jason was alive, John would have taken the boys out, and Sera and I would have simply remained watching a movie together… Munching on popcorn, and some hot milk, until we both ended up sleeping.

This time was different. She wouldn't cuddle to my side… she didn't laugh at any scene… there was no humour. None at all… she was just there… laying down on John's side, until finally she fell asleep again. I stopped the movie and covered her with the quilts, but soon the phone ringing startled her.

'Shhh… sleep sweet heart…' I told her while I took the call. 'Hey John…' I said as I closed our bedroom door.

* * *

'_Hey Honey, how's everything going?' _

'She fell asleep during the movie…'

'_Let her sleep... she needs it…'_

'I was thinking on calling Ana… I want to talk to her, while she's still asleep…'

'_I think it would be best… Listen, I have to go for now… I have a session in 5 minutes. I'll pick up the kids at 3…'_

'Ok baby… Love you John…'

'_Love you too Rhi…'_

* * *

Few minutes later, I heard a screeching scream. She was there fighting something… Her nightmares for sure. They tormented her… I woke her up… but she would still not talk about them. I comforted her to the best I could. She needed affection… she needed love…

It was at around 11am that Ana came by. Sera's was lost into her own confines… It was better like that… I could speak to Ana openly.

* * *

'Hey Ana…' I greeted. 'Come on in…'

'Is everything ok Rhian?… you sounded urgent on the phone…'

'It kind of is…' I replied as we went into the kitchen. 'You want some tea?'

'Yes please…' She replied as she took her coat of. 'Is Sera here?'

'She's studying in her room… I wanted to talk to you about her… I'm concerned…'

'I don't understand…'

'Ana… You're a mother like I am… I've noticed Sera isn't well, since Christmas… Don't you think that you should admit her in hospital… She needs to be into therapy!'

'She doesn't want to be in a hospital!'

'Let me ask you this Ana…' I replied as I handed her the tea. 'How do you think your relationship is with Christian?'

'It's ok… I guess… We've been through rough parts here and there.'

'…and when you were through those rough parts… have you included Sera in your arguments and everything?'

'That's what drives me crazy… She never does anything wrong… when the arguing starts she's never there…'

'Ana… that's part of the problem… you two fight and argue and she withdrawals. When she wasn't sick... you didn't notice about this... and now that she's sick, she gets more attention than she has got into her life... what's the point on getting better if she's going to lose the attention? I'm trying to get you start pay attention to her as a family… she needs to rely on you emotionally… otherwise she's going to remain as helpless and isolated as she is now.'

'So she's starving herself because she wants attention?'

'No Ana… she doesn't want that kind of attention… be sensible about it, who wants that kind of attention? If anything, she wants independence… she wants you to hear her… she wants you to be there for her… She found her control mechanism… She starves because she cannot control your fighting… your arguments… Ana, you should know better… your mother divorced two times!'

'… and it was hard!'

'… and how do you imagine that Sera is feeling in all of this Ana? She wants a family… she lacks the closeness with both of you… and don't think that she doesn't know certain things.'

'What do you mean?'

'I'll let John go into that…' I replied again as I sipped on my own tea. 'However, John and I were talking… we think it's best for her, if she doesn't come back home for now…'

'What?' Ana almost screamed.

'Ana, please, see the whole picture… When she was at home, Sera kept starving and never talked… since she's been here, she's been improving… she's smiling…'

'What are you saying Rhian? That I'm a bad mother?'

'No Ana… that's definitely not what I'm saying… All I'm saying is that she needs a better familiar family environment… she has it here… All I'm asking is for Sera to remain here for few more weeks Ana… Think about it!'

'No way in hell you're keeping my daughter Rhian!' She said in anger as she stood up. 'Sera!' She called. 'Sera come down please!' She called again.

'What are you doing Ana?'

'She's coming home with me this instant…I'll send Taylor for her things in an hour…'

'No Ana you cannot do that!' I insisted.

'Yeah? Watch me!' She said as Sera came down hesitantly.

'Mum?'

'Come Sera… We're going home…'

'…but…'

'No Sera! We're going home now…'

'Dammit… you're not taking her Ana!'

'Rhian she is my daughter… she does as I tell her to!' She replied again as Sera reluctantly walked towards her. 'Taylor will come by later to pick up her stuff…'

'I'm sorry…' she mouthed as Ana made her way out with her.

I felt angry at Ana… she didn't take the critic, and now Sera was in the middle as usual. John wasn't going to be happy about this… I saw them leave immediately. I could see Sera in tears. Ana had already started her scolding with her… It wasn't Sera's fault… I quickly dialled John's phone, and he picked up on the second ring.

'John… We have a problem…'

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	65. Chapter 64

**Rhian's POV**

'Have you tried calling Christian again?'

'19 times Rhian…' He replied again as he fixed his gaze in distance. 'Did Taylor come to pick up her things?'

'Yes…' I replied again as I switched off the gas. 'What's going to happen to her now?'

'She's going to keep starving herself until her body gives up… and it will probably be too late to save her…'

'I am sensing an 'unless' John…'

'Unless Grace and Carrick take everything into their hands… I talked to them today after you called me…'

'What did they tell you?' I asked as I moved forward and messaged his shoulders.

'They're mad at Christian and want to see things for themselves before they make the decision.'

'What about us?'

'I've told them what we discussed…'

'…and?'

'They did agree… We have space here… the kids love her… we love her…'

'The only problem is if Christian and Ana agree to it…'

'They won't agree Rhian… They will fight it…' He replied again. 'I don't understand. They want her… They love her in some way or another… but as yet… they push her away…'

'Try calling Christian again.' I suggested, while he moved to the phone and dialled the number again.

'Hey, its John… listen… we need to talk Christian…' My husband started on the phone.

* * *

**2 Days Later - Christian's POV**

Ana still hadn't told me anything about Rhian's incident. Rhian was right. We have to work harder towards our relationship. I rested my back to the chair in my office, and stared outside to view. The horizon looked so clear… Only lightning strikes breaking the sky every now and then. I missed Ana… At least she was coming home that night…

I closed my eyes, and everything came into mind. My daughter was self-destructing herself. John explained it that she doesn't know how to control anymore. How could I let it go this far? She doesn't want to go to the hospital… I couldn't force her… We already don't quite talk as it is… What would she do if I did that to her?

I exited my office and walked towards her room. Her door was open, and she was lying on the floor with plenty of books in front of her, and her laptop open on her side. She was wearing her earphones and was listening to some music that was blasting from them. I moved forward to her, but she still didn't feel my presence. She was too lost in anything she was doing. I took off my suit jacket and placed it on her bed, while I slid down to the floor beside her.

'Sera…' I called her gently, as she almost jumped from beside.

'Damn!' She replied as she took her ears phones off and paused the music. 'You scared me dad…'

'Didn't mean to peanut…' I replied as I placed my hand on her back, but she soon reached for it and removed it. She didn't want any physical contact from me anymore… that struck me deep inside… 'What are you doing on the floor sweet heart?'

'The chair is tiring… the bed too comfy… the floor… I think is ok…' she replied as she moved to a seating position. Her back made cracking sounds that brought shivers down my spine. 'Finally!' She said again as she rubbed her shoulders.

'Come here peanut…' I replied as I pulled her towards me. 'I'm not going to hurt you… ok?' I said again as I placed my hands slowly on her shoulders. She tensed up at my touch… but she let me message them gently. I was almost afraid of rubbing with the usual pressure. 'Sera… we need to talk…'

'About what dad?'

'Sera, Gail told me you haven't eaten as yet…'

'Dad…'

'No Sera… Listen to me… It's been two days since you've come back home… and you haven't come out of your room! Now I know your mother had to leave for business for a couple of days… but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get out of here…'

'I did get out of here dad… I had to go to school… and ballet…'

'…and your Madame called me… She told me you got dizzy…'

'Come on dad… I'm a bit tired that's all…' She said again as freed herself from me, and stood up, and sat on her bed.

'Peanut!' I said again as I moved beside her. '… you need to rest… you need to take better care of yourself…'

'I do dad…'

'Sera… you've changed… I don't know who you are these days anymore…'

'I don't know who I am anymore daddy… I just… ' She started again as she stopped.

'You just what baby girl…'

'I don't know dad… I just don't feel myself anymore these days…It's like I'm living in a dream…' She said again. 'Can I ask something?'

'Yeah sure…'

'Why have you changed dad? I mean… Now you're the same dad I knew before… you're warm… you're… different… but… at times … you're this other person…'

'I don't know kiddo…' I replied again as I hugged her towards me. 'I don't know…'

I realized that I've pushed her away for so very long. This… this thing that ate her from the inside, was partly my fault. All of them tried to warn me… All of them tried opening my eyes… and yet… I did nothing.

'Hey there…' Ana said as she entered through the door. 'I'm back…'

'Welcome back mum…' Sera smiled, while I gave Ana a stern look. We definitely had to talk.

'Sweetheart… Your mother and I need to talk…' I said as I let my grip off her.

'Ana…'

'I know Christian…'

* * *

We moved to my office. I couldn't let Sera hear another argument… or at least I thought so…

'Why didn't you tell me Ana?' I asked as I closed the door.

'Wow… way to greet your wife Christian.' She replied as she rested her back to the wall unit.

'Welcome back Ana… but we still need to talk… Ana, you fought with Rhian? Why?'

'She insulted my parenting…'

'So what? You drag our daughter out?' I asked again. 'What's happened to us?'

'You happened Christian?'

'What does that supposed to mean?'

'Oh… now you act like you don't know Christian?' She threw back in spite. 'Christian, I drop everything to meet your schedule. I put everything off to please you… I constantly, over and over and over again, forgive you… Now I can't take this anymore Christian… I can't… Our daughter is fucking starving herself…'

'…and you're blaming it on me?'

'Look… I'm tired… I don't want to talk about this…'

'No Ana! You said what you had in mind… Now continue… finish what you had to say…' I replied as I held her hand.

'Christian… you held a grudge towards Sera because she didn't follow your rules… you keep taking it personal because she fears your touch! For God's sake! She was raped… Have you talked about that with her?' She asked me. 'Remember when we had the accident after I caught you with Elena?'

'Yeah…'

'Did you know she was having nightmares? Did you know that she keeps asking me till this very day if we're having a divorce?'

'We're not having a divorce!'

'I know we're not… but we're not making her life any easy!' She said again.

'Ana, it seems to me that you're blaming this on me!' I said again as I moved towards her. 'What about you Ana? You are not perfect yourself!'

'What does that have to do with this?'

'Come on Ana… Don't fucking play dumb with me!'

'What are you talking about Christian?' She asked again while I moved forward to my drawer and pulled out an envelope.

'I'm talking about these Ana!' I threw them at her. 'Take a look Ana! Please!' I encouraged.

She opened them hesitantly… and her face whitened.

'Yeah… who's the bad guy now Ana?'

'I swear to God! Nothing happened between us…'

'Ohh! Really Ana… then what's that fucking photo of you kissing that prick?'

'Where did you get these?'

'I was having suspicion… I hired a private investigator… I may have lashed out with Elena… but I'm sure as hell I never kissed her because I wanted to.'

'Christian… this was a one time only…'

'…and how do I know this is true? How can I trust you Ana?'

'Of course you can Christian! I broke this off immediately… I belong to you… you are the only one I truly love Christian…' She replied while the pictures fell off her hand.

'Why didn't you tell me about this Ana?' I asked as I ran my hand through my hair. 'Why?'

'I… I wanted to make you pay…'

'…by what? Cheating on me?'

**Sera's POV**

My mother came back home… and they're already arguing… I heard bits and pieces of their talk… I went behind dad's office door… and my worst fears came to reality… Now for sure they would divorce… I opened the door gently and remained at the door. They didn't notice I was there… They kept arguing and throwing words at each other.

'Ana it doesn't fucking work that way… what are you going to do when we have another fight? Leave this house?' Dad shouted back.

'PLEASE… STOP!' I finally said… 'Please… stop arguing!' I begged.

'Sera…'

'No mum… NO! You're constantly fighting… you're constantly arguing… you just saw each other after two days parting, and you're fighting again! Why are you doing this? Why?'

'Sera, stay out of this!' Mum shouted again.

'Ana, for ones shut up and let's hear her out…' Dad scolded her.

'She doesn't have anything to do with this… this is between us!' Mum replied back.

'No mum… it's not!' I replied back. 'You constantly fight… you fight about me as if I'm not here… you keep shouting at me for no damn reason… What have I done to you? I know I'm not perfect… I wish to be for you… but I can't fucking take this anymore!'

'Mind your language Sera… you may talk to your father like that but not to me!' Ana said again as she moved forward to her.

'Mum, I'm telling you how I feel, and you care about my language? For once in my life… I'm telling you how I feel! Now I can't take this anymore… I've tried… and tried… but I can't…'

**Christian's POV**

She was broken… she couldn't take this… I felt angry at Ana for not even listening to her. I know it's been hard on both of us… but she's not listening to her.

'What are you saying Sera?' I replied as he moved forward to me.

'I'm saying… that I don't want to be here anymore… I don't want to live anymore…'

'Don't me so overdramatic Sera! This is just a phase…' Ana answered back.

'No mum… no… I hate your arguments… I fucking hate that you're never there… I need you both… and all you both do is fight…'

'Sera…' I replied again as I moved towards her and hugged her.

'No dad… just leave me alone!' she replied again as she pushed me.

'What have I done to you mum? Why is this? Am I not perfect enough for you? Why are you so hard on me?' She asked again.

'Sera…'she said again as she moved towards her. 'This doesn't concern you sweet heart… Your father and I had an argument… we always work through them.' She replied again.

'No mum… you never do… because ones this one finishes, another one starts…' She cried again. 'I can't see you like this… I don't want to get married if I'll be like you both.'

I realized that our behaviour was rubbing cold on her. We affected her internally… she doesn't have the will to look forward to anything.

'I want you to lov…' She tried while she started swaying and searching something for support.

'Sera?' Ana asked, as she noticed her swaying.

'Da..' I made two huge steps before she could hit the ground.

'Dammit…' I said. 'Get me some water Ana…' I replied as I slapped her face lightly. 'Sera… Sera can you hear me?' I tried… 'Splash some water on her face…' I ordered. Her face was white as paper, and she was too cold. The stress took its toll on her… and starving didn't help… Finally she was starting to get back into her senses. 'Sera?' I asked as she opened her eyes slowly.

**Sera's POV**

My vision was blurry, but I could see my parents face coming back into focus. They looked worried. I saw their lips moving, but my ears were still ringing. I saw dad mumbling something, but I still couldn't hear it. Soon the ringing stopped.

'Sera! Sera can you hear me?' I heard dad shouting.

'Yeah…' I replied slowly as I tried to get up.

'No missy! Stay right there…' Dad insisted.

'Dad…'

'How are you feeling?' Mum asked. '…and be honest…' she continued as she stroked my face while dad brought a chair and raised my legs over it.

'…a bit dizzy… but I'm fine mum…'

'Ana, call my mother please… I'll stay with her for now…'

'Dad I'm fine…'

'No Sera… you're not… stay right there for now… I think your blood pressure just dropped.' He said again as he damped my face with his headscarf.

'Grace is on her way Christian…' She replied as she hung up.

'How are you feeling dear?'

'I'm fine mum.' I replied again as I moved my feet off the chair and tried to stand to at least a seating position, but soon dizziness took over again.

'Seraa!' Dad panicked. 'Easy!' He continued as he laid me back down. 'Stay like that for now…'

* * *

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	66. Chapter 65

I'd like to dedicate this to Grey Steele fan for her suggestions :) ... also, I thank vdlucas for the line 'you are not a parent unless your child says I hate you at least once!'

Also, I thank Christian618, for the interest you've taken in my fanfiction :) and also JulesTaylor for her lovely review! :)

And I cannot forget kiwijoeelle for her motivation and great interest in my fanfiction. :)

THANK YOU ALL! :D...

* * *

**2 weeks later - Flynn's POV**

After Christian and Ana's session, I decided to talk again straight to Grace and Carrick. They had to intervene. They knew how to get Christian see the light. They were his parents after all. On the other hand, I was more concerned for Sera. They told me she doesn't have the strength to walk anymore… She's now only confined to lying down… They see her struggle, and yet they don't admit her to hospital. They were not dealing with it… They were just putting it aside…

**Christian's POV**

We had just arrived from Flynn's session, and it seemed the house was empty. Gail came to greet us and offered us some tea. Ana remained in the kitchen helping Gail… I think… We finally forgave each other for anything that we did… We decided to start a new page… a new chapter… We both wanted to be better parents… I only wished to have an instruction how to be a parent… a father…

'Mr. Grey… your tea…' Gail said as she handed me the cup.

'Thanks… and please… Call me Christian from now on… You've been working here for years… There's no need for formalities Gail…' I replied as I sipped my hot tea. 'Where's my daughter?'

'She's in the living room. She's resting…' She replied again. 'Mr… Christian… If you don't mind my intrusion, I'd like to express my concern for Ms. Grey…' She continued politely. 'Sir… if I must say… she doesn't look well… She has missed school, and we both know it's not a good sign… she would never miss school even if she had fever…' She continued. 'Si… Christian… I think you both should spend more time with her. At this rate…'

'Don't say it Gail… Please don't!' I begged in tears. 'I don't understand this… she's dying… she knows she's dying… and she keeps on starving herself… she keeps on punishing herself… she hasn't eaten anything in two weeks… I'm amazed at how she's still alive right now…'

'Christian… she's not alive… her physical body is… emotionally she's dead…'

'What am I supposed to do Gail? I'm her father and I can't take this pain away from her…' I replied as I passed my hand through my hair. 'I'm losing her… aren't I?'

'There is still hope Sir…' She encouraged. 'She's not dead is she?'

'No…'

'Then… you can be anything you want with her… just… don't take long to decide Christian…'

'Thanks Gail… you've been with us… with our family for years… and you've been with us through thick and thin…'

'It's been my pleasure… I helped you raise two amazing kids… and it was my utmost happy time in my life…' she replied again. '…I know Jason's loss wasn't easy… don't let Sera die… for all of us… you need her… and you obviously love her… right?' She asked.

'Of course I love her… she's my daughter… how can I not?'

'…but with which type of love do you love her Christian? Are you willing to do what's best for her, rather than being lenient?' She asked. 'Christian… Sera's sick… and as much as I hate to see her in a hospital… I think it's the best solution for her… You are her father… you are her guardian… I trust you to make the right decision Christian.' She encouraged.

'What if the 'right decision' is the bad one Gail?'

'At least you would have tried for the best.' She helped again.

'I better go to Sera… Please, can you make sure Ana eats?' I asked her.

'Yes… go to your daughter Sir…'

* * *

Gail's words shook me. She was right… We had to make the right decision, whether Sera wanted it or not. We are her parents. We have to do what's best for her. I looked over to the couch, and what once was my daughter, was now lying lifeless shivering under four quilts. I tried not making any sound as I moved towards her. She seemed to be in a restless sleep…

'Dad?' She asked in a very tiny voice. It made her seem more vulnerable. I moved forward to her and went on my knees.

'What's wrong peanut?' I asked gently as I removed her hair behind her ear.

'I'm so cold…Everything hurts…' She replied again as another shiver shook her body.

'Let me get you some soup… it will warm you up…' I suggested gently.

'No… dad I can't!'

'Honey, you're skin and bones… you hurt because you have no cushion…' I started gently as I caressed her cheek. '…you need food to warm you… to make your body healthy again… please let me get you some soup…' I begged her. '… or let me get you some warm water, some tea… anything you want… I'll get it for you… for as long as you eat something!'

'I want it… I do… But I can't!' She replied in tears.

'Why can't you peanut? You control your body…'

'I don't control anything anymore daddy…' She cried. 'I want to eat… I want to be able to eat without feeling guilty… but I can't…' She confessed.

'Please Sera, let me get you something… few bites would make all the difference…'

'I can't daddy… I can't…' I rubbed her back gently. I wanted to take all the pain away from her. She didn't have the will to live anymore… The last time she ate were two days after her Flynn's stay. She kept shoving little pieces of lettuce in her mouth. She ate like a baby. Since then she ate nothing… and she avoided water… she stopped everything altogether.

* * *

'Ana… maybe we should see the possibility of admitting her to hospital…' I suggested.

'You know she doesn't want it Christian! We cannot do anything without her will.'

'Ana, she just told me she wants to eat… but she can't… if we'll leave her like this…'

'Christian… we need to turn things around!'

**Grace's POV**

I couldn't take it anymore. We were tired of seeing our granddaughter in that state... She barely had the energy to walk. Last time we visited, she was on the couch with two quilts on top of her, and yet, she was still shivering. Carrick and I both decided to take matter into our own hands. Someone had to open my son's and Ana's eyes..

At around 16pm, we decided to head to Escala. I could see Carrick pissed off with our son's attitude. There were so many things that he done wrong... And I don't blame him... But he has to see through things, not stop there. Ana is no less... She gave more attention to Christian rather than her daughter... I never understood their ways.

We both made our way to Christian's home. As usual Taylor greeted us, and shown us to his kitchen.

'Mr. Grey...' he started. 'do you need anything else?'

'No Taylor... That would be all...' he smiled weakly. I could see some tension between them. My son looked as if he hadn't had any sleep in days, but worse, there was no sound of Sera at all. 'Mum, dad... What brings you here?' he asked as he came forward and hugged me.

'We're... Worried and concerned Christian.' I replied.

'Where's Sera?' Carrick asked.

'She's on the couch... She's resting... She barely has the energy to stand these days.' He replied as he rubbed his face.

'What are you waiting for to admit her?'

'Grace, we cannot just take her to the hospital against ger will!'

'Ana, she's sick, she doesn't know what she wants right now!' Carrick tried explaining.

'She said she wants to get better.. She said she's going to try to eat... We're trying to turn things around... The hospital is temporary and you know it Carrick!'

'Ana, at this rate, she won't be able to keep up with her bodily functions... She needs constant observation and she needs medical help...' he urged again.

'Ana… maybe they're right…' Christian suggested. I realized that finally he was opening his eyes.

'Come on Christian! You know we can't do that!' Ana said again while he rested his back to the kitchen counter. 'You already ruined my relationship with her... Do you want her to hate us?'

'Ana, my parents always told me, that you are not a parent unless your child says I hate you at least once! You have to get her in a hospital Christian!' I urged again.

**Sera's POV**

I tried sleeping, but it was no avail. My body was hurting, my muscles were aching... I felt slight burns in my left arm, and at times it went numb. I closed my eyes, trying to hold on to the pain... But the talking ... Fighting... Arguments from the kitchen didn't even allow me to sleep. I decided to get up... I was tired of everything. With a lot of effort I managed to stand... I held on to the things present, until finally the wall took all my weight and made my way to the kitchen slowly.

'Christian, if you're not going to do anything about this... Carrick and I decided to file papers where it says that we would be responsible for all her health decisions...We're appointing John for Sera's custody...'

'What?' Christian asked angry. 'You can't do that mum!'

'Christian we can and we will!' Carrick insisted. 'You've pushed her away and you've neglected her for so long... she needs professional help immediately Christian!' Grandpa stated again. 'Let me ask you this Christian… Is she eating?'

Dad remained quiet… I guess he was in a deep state of controversy between him and his own thoughts.

'Christian?' Grandpa insisted again.

'She stopped eating completely… She doesn't drink water these days… I've tried… I really have… but I couldn't…' He said again.

'Then what the hell are you waiting for Christian? I can't believe this… She's sick… she's weak… and you're letting her destroy herself?' He argued with dad. 'That's it… Grace, call the hospital…We're admitting her ourselves… whether you want it or not!'

'No grandpa... You cannot do that!' I said as I held on to the wall.

'Sera!' Dad asked as he came forward.

'No dad... Stop...' I replied as I stood my ground. 'You cannot just fight about me like I'm some used old toy that wants me for yourself. I'm a human!' I stated. 'I've been here for days grandpa, and you've waited for this moment to come and make your statement... No I'm not going to some court for you or anybody to have my custody! You've always told me to be patient with dad... And look where that got me... I've waited... And waited... And waited... I'm tired of waiting...'

'Sera. You need help!' Grandma Grace insisted again while she moved forward to me. 'You need to be in a hospital!'

'No grandma... I'm not going back in there!' I panicked. I felt my heart beating faster and faster. My chest was burning up, and my left arm was also burning and soon went numb. I heard ringing in my ears, and everything was blurry. Dad noticed that something wasn't right.

_'Sera, are you alright?'_

* * *

**Christian's POV**

'Sera, are you alright?' I asked. Her face was cringing in pain and she was holding her left arm. She blinked a couple of times, and saw her eyes roll back. Her body went limp. I made two huge steps trying to catch her, but it was too late. She was on the floor.

'Sera!' I panicked, while my parents came to her.

'Get me my stethoscope.' dad ordered as he checked her pulse. My mother brought him his things, and soon his face went into alert mode. He moved his ear to her nose and mouth. 'She's not breathing… She's having a cardiac arrest... Call 911 now Ana!' he ordered.

Both got to work. Dad started CPR, while my mother went beside Ana. She was shaking. I stood there dumbstruck at my daughters body. She's dying...

'Dammit Sera! Breath!' dad urged again while he continued CPR. '...You're not giving up on me Sera! Do you hear me? You're not dying today... Not today...not in my arms!' he said again while he continued CPR... I felt helpless... I didn't know what to do. Gail saw the commotion, and was about to faint if she hadn't sat down.

In few minutes time, Taylor came in with the paramedics. He saw my daughter's body and his face lost all it's colour... Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion.

'Dammit Sera! Breath!' my father urged again, while the paramedics came over and started intubation. 'Sir, we have to ask you to move back...' they told me. I didn't want to leave her alone. I didn't want to lose her. 'Sir?'

'Christian!' dad urged while he continued CPR, and the paramedic started pumping oxygen from the tube. I moved back, and let them work. Her body seemed frail. She was a skeleton... And now it was to late.

'Get me the paddles!' dad ordered, as they set her on a monitor. 'Charge 200...' he ordered as he rubbed the paddles together after placing some kind of lube on them. 'CLEAR'. He shocked her, and her body jerked, but the monitor remained the same. 'Charge again...' he ordered again. '360... CLEAR!' but nothing again. 'Sera, you listen to me... You're not dying today! Charge again... 400...'

'Dr!' one of the paramedics said worriedly. 'It's already high as it is.'

'Charge 400!' he ordered again while the paramedic complied. 'CLEAR!' he shocked her again, and finally her heart rhythm was back. 'Sinus rhythm...' he said again as he placed the paddles on the floor and took a hearing at her heart. 'She's back...' he told us, as he helped the paramedics placing her on a gurney. 'Who's coming with me?' I looked at Ana, and she was still staring. My mother was on the phone with the hospital preparing everything. For her arrival.

'I'll come... Taylor... Drive my wife to the hospital please...' I said while I ran towards them.

'Christian... You knew this was going to happen sooner or later...' dad replied while he kept pumping oxygen.

'I know dad... I know...' I chocked. 'I'll admit her to hospital and into therapy...' I continued while we entered the ambulance.

'It's the right decision son…'

**Carrick's POV**

Soon the ambulance doors were closed and it was rushing us to the hospital. Her stats were low, and her heart was still not stable. I kept looking at the monitor at all the irregularities...

'Christian, hold this and pump it...'

'Dad I don't know how!' he said almost scared.

'It's easy son... Squeeze it every 3 seconds.' I explained while I handed him the oxygen pump. He took it gently and started pumping while he counted the seconds. As I saw that he was doing it correctly, I searched for some cannulas, to get her prepped before she went into the emergency room.

Her hand was so tiny in mine. I was almost afraid to squeeze it. There were no muscles protecting her bone... Just bone. I placed the tourniquet around her arm and tightened it to get her vessel prominent, and inserted the needle gently. The flow of blood gave me indication that it was were it's supposed to be. I closed the tip of the cannula after injecting a saline solution. I placed the sphygmomanometer cuff to her hand, but it fit her big. I looked around and found one for children's size. I checked her pressure, and it was lower than I imagined. The monitor started beeping again.

'What the heck?' Soon her heart went in frenzy mode again. The monitor kept beeping again, and realized that nothing was right. 'Dammit!'

'What's happening?' Christian asked worriedly.

'It's her heart...' I started CPR again, and finally the ambulance came to a stop. The paramedics opened the doors and took over from Christian.

'What happened?' one of the paramedics asked.

'It's her heart again.' I replied. The paramedic placed everything beside her head. The monitor, the drip...

'Dr... You need to climb up if you're continuing the CPR?' he asked while he kept pumping.

'Yes...' I replied as I climbed on top of her, and continued the CPR. I was afraid that my weight was going to crush her. I made sure that I didn't keep anything heavy on her. Soon the paramedics rushed us to the ER, and into on of the rooms.

'What do we have here?' Mandela asked, while he helped me down gently from her.

'17 year old... Anorexia... Low blood pressure, cardiac arrest...' I said again while we placed her on the monitors.

'Where are her parents?'

'They're here... Outside' I replied while I helped him.

'Damn! How did this go unnoticed?' he exclaimed. 'This is severe... What kind of parents...'

'She's my granddaughter Mandela...' I stated, as I hooked her to some more monitors.

'You cannot work on her Carrick...'

'I'm not leaving her alone... You can get the chief if you want, but I'm not leaving her.' I replied again while Grace joined us.

'Grace you cannot be in here...' Mandela replied again. 'One of you has to leave! Or I will kick you both out of my ER... You're already breaking the rules by treating her Carrick.'

'Go Grace...I'll continue here.' I replied as we moved her to her side. I realized her back was purple. 'Dammit!' I panicked. It could mean that she was risking kidney failure… I kept hoping it was reversible…

'Grace out now!' Mandela ordered while he placed her on some more monitors...

'Call Flynn Grace!' I said again. Her heart was risking failure. The irregularities were getting more serious.

'I'm paging Burge…' Mandela stated.

* * *

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	67. Chapter 66

**Sera's POV**

_Fresh cool grass lay underneath me, and the light cool breeze jerked me awake. I was lying down staring at a clear blue sky. I felt lighter… I felt happy again… Beside my feet, there was a lake flowing swiftly, and its gargle sounds were putting my mind at ease. I looked to my sides, and patches of roses and tulips were surrounding everything. From the other side of the lake, I could see dandelions flying through falling on top of my nose, and nothing seemed to be in haze. It was a perfect spring day, with a bright sunlight warming me up from the insides. _

_I stood up, and looked far ahead towards the horizon, and all there was around me was open space. The grass hustled together, leaving only restful sounds. I looked around me, and felt myself lighter from anything and everything that weighed me down. I ran through the grass while I let my hands get wet with the tiny droplets that had fallen on every grass. I opened my arms and let the wind drift and taking away everything with it. _

_Soon I stopped… in front of me, there was a guy… a good looking one I must say. He had dark copper brown hair … just like dad's… and blue eyes. He was wearing a white suit. There were no more than few meters between us. The wind made his hair look messy, yet it still looked amazing. He could probably be not more than 21…_

'_Hi Sera… What brings you here?' He asked as he moved closer to me._

'_Me?' I asked him back._

'_Yes… I don't see anyone else…' He smiled gently._

'_Who are you? Do I know you?' I asked him. His face was familiar, but I couldn't recognise his face._

'_Don't you remember me Sera?' He asked again as he moved towards me and removed a lock of my hair behind my ear. 'I thought you would never forget me… Cookie…' He replied. His response took me off guard. Nobody knew that name except my parents … and…_

'_Where? How?' I asked again as he placed his finger on my lips._

'_Shh Cookie…' He smiled. 'I'm here now…'_

'…_but you were… three… now you're…'_

'_Here we age differently Cookie…' He smiled again._

'_Am I… Did I die Jason?' I asked again._

'_No… not as yet… you can only make this decision… I'm only here to help you out Sera…' He said again. 'Come here Cookie.' He continued as he held his arms open and took me in his embrace._

'_Jason! I missed you!'_

'_I missed you to Cookie… but that doesn't mean I left you… I was always there for you Cookie…' He said again as he released me from his embrace._

'_Where am I?' I asked him gently._

'_Where do you think you are Sera? You are not dead… but you are not quite alive…'_

'_I love it here…' I replied again as I gave him my back and looked at the confines around me. It was so peaceful! I loved it there. 'Why are you here?' I asked him gently as I turned back to face him._

'_I'm here to help you… and guide you Cookie…' He replied again while I chuckled._

'_It's funny…'_

'_What's funny Sera?'_

'_I'm the big sister, and you're helping me…' I replied again, but soon my smile faded. 'I was supposed to help you that night Jason…'_

'_Don't beat yourself about it Sera… It was a leap of faith… it was my time…' He said again, as he held his hand forward to me. 'Come…'_

'_Where are we going?' I replied as I took his hand._

'_You'll see…' He smiled._

_A rush of wind took us off the floor and he entered some sort of a hurricane. Soon we were back at Escala. He released my hand and opened the door to his nursery._

'_What are we doing here Jason?'_

'_You'll see Cookie… Some memories won't harm us…' He smiled again as he pulled me with him inside his room._

* * *

'_Come here Jason!' I laughed as I ran after him._

'_Nooo…' He screamed as he continued to run. He climbed up the on the sofa and started jumping on it. 'Coookkiiieee! Catch me!' He shouted again as he jumped while I caught him._

'_Easy there little guy!' I said again. 'I don't want you to get hurt… and you know how mum and dad are about us getting hurt…'_

'_Let's go to daddy Coookkiiee!' He screamed again while he hugged me on the floor. The door soon opened and both mum and dad were in._

'_We heard two little angels!' Dad started._

'_Meee thee anngeell daddy!' Jason shouted, while we both ran towards him and caught us in mid-air._

'_Easy there! You can get hurt! Both of you!' He smiled while a blinding white light had flashed in our face._

'_MUMMMYYY!' Both of us grumbled._

* * *

'_I remember this day…'_

'_I do too Cookie…'_

'_It was mum's birthday… We then went to spend a day on dad's yacht…' I replied. 'You used to say that it was the big big big car, Jason…'_

'_I couldn't comprehend the difference between a car and a yacht… for me both was a mean of transport… and they are…' He smiled. 'Let's see another one.' He said again as he took my hand again. This time we were in a different time. It was few months before he had just died. It was December._

* * *

'_Oh Christmas Tree, oh Christmas Tree! Thy leaves are so unchanging. Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, Thy leaves are so unchanging!' We all sang._

'_Jason, do you want to put the star up?' Dad asked as he lifted him up._

'_Daddyy! Higherr!'_

'_No Jason… I don't want you to get hurt baby boy!' Dad said again as he placed him on his neck._

'_Come Sera!' Mum said as she lifted me on her hip. 'Let's see what's your father up to…'_

'_Mummy?'_

'_Yes sweetie pie?'_

'_Can we go ice skating tonight?'_

'_Of course we will honey! As usual, we first go skating, then we'll go to the midnight mass, and then we open the presents…'_

'_Really? Presents!' I laughed._

'_Yes munchkin'…' she replied again as she tickled gently._

'_Jason and I made you and daddy a present too! It's under the tree!' I said as I locked my hands around her neck._

'_I'm sure we'll love it baby girl…' She smiled._

* * *

'_Do you remember this?' Jason asked. _

'_Yes…' I smiled. '…this was the happiest time of my life… We were a family!'_

'… _and you still can be!' He replied again._

'_Do you remember what they got you?' I asked him._

'_Of course I do… You got me one of those teddies I wanted, and mum and dad got me Arts and Crafts materials.' He smiled. 'Do you remember what they got you Sera?'_

'_Yes… my first ballet pointe shoes…'_

'_Do you remember what dad did that night?'_

'_He spent his night dancing with me… and then we all crashed into mum and dad's bedroom…' I replied again. '…but why are you showing me this?'_

'…_because now… I want to show you this…' He replied as he snapped his fingers and the scene changed again._

* * *

'_Why are we here?' I asked as I realized that I was in my parents' bedroom._

'_This is why…' He answered as I saw myself going through the door._

* * *

'_Mum?' I asked, but I heard no reply. ' Mum?' I said again._

* * *

'_I know what this is! I remember… Please let's leave!' I begged him._

'_No Cookie… watch…' He replied again as he guided me to the bathroom._

* * *

'_Mum?' I asked again as I knocked the bathroom door, but there was no answer as yet. I opened the door gently and there she was… lying unconsciously on the ground. 'Mummy?' I cried as I ran towards her._

'_Ca…ll.l… 9..1..1.' she said while she was coughing. I looked around at saw bottle of pills on the ground, and bottle of whisky beside her. 'Ca…ll. 911.' She said again._

'_Mummy? What happened?' I asked her again._

'_Call…' She begged again. I did as she told me and soon Taylor was beside us. He lifted me off, while the paramedics took care of my mother._

'_Mummyyy!' I screamed in Taylor's ear as he held me stronger._

'_Shh sweet heart… Your mummy will be fine… Don't worry…'_

'_Mummy!' I screamed again._

* * *

'_Please let's go Jason…'_

'_You remember what happened?'_

'_Of course I do… It was few days after mum and I returned home. Dad had to go abroad on business. Mum kept crying for days… she didn't come out of her bedroom. She was sad… I knew she was… I went beside her to try and make her happy…'_

'…_and what happened later?'_

'_Taylor took me to hospital… and she looked better… she explained to me that she has a problem… and that I had to keep this little secret of hers.'_

'_What did you do?'_

'_I promised her that I wouldn't say anything… because I love her… I didn't understand that she was… hurting herself…'_

'_You were young Sera… it wasn't your fault…'_

'…_but I was supposed to be there for her in the best way I could… you… you were killed Jason… and both of them never talked about you… I know they still hurt…'_

'_Did you tell dad later on?'_

'_No… but dad found some diet pills in mum's purse 8 months ago. They had a very bad argument… and she promised she'll stop… and I think she did for a couple of months… I mean she said she was better. I tried talking to her… especially about her overdose...She told me she had stopped… until three weeks ago… before Flynn invited me.'_

'_What happened Sera?' He asked again as he snapped his finger and we returned back to the meadow._

'_I found mum's… I found another bottle in her handbag. I needed my ID card, and… well…'_

'_What happened afterwards?'_

'_I asked her about them… and she told me that she was going to stop… and that she wanted to get better. I begged her to get better at least for daddy. He needed her… He truly does love her Jason… He's willing to do anything for her… I just wish them to be happy… you know… as we were before you died!' I replied again._

'…_and you still can be Cookie… you just have to not give up.' He said again as his body started to fade._

'_Are you going?'_

'_Sera… you cannot stay here for ever…' He replied again. I started hearing some words._

'_No Jason… Please don't leave me!'_

'_I love you Sera… Don't give up!' He said again before everything around me started fading._

* * *

**Carrick's POV**

'CHARGE AGAIN!...CLEAR!... There it is… We have a rhythm…'

'Her electrolytes are all over the place!' Burge replied, while I checked her pupils.

'Pupils dilating…' I said again. 'Blood pressure still low… give me 5mg of hydralazine… it's coming back up…'

'Carrick, I want to send her up to cardiology.' Burge replied as he took a look at the EEG's. 'This is not good at all…'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

I started hearing some voices around, and my arm was burning but yet it was cold. I moved my fingers lightly till I got feeling back into them.

* * *

**Carrick's POV**

'Carrick, I think she's waking up.' Mandela noted.

'Sera? Sera can you hear me?' I said as I opened her eye and flashed the light again. Her pupils were dilating. I was hoping there were no neurological complications from oxygen debt. 'Sera?' I asked again. I left her eyes resting, but soon she started blinking. 'Sera?' I asked again, as the nurse took the oxygen pump off her face.

'Ja..ason..' She mumbled. She took me off guard. Did she just mention Jason?

'Jason?...Who's Jason?' Burge asked.

'Her dead brother.'

'Ja..s…on…' She said again.

'Sweet heart… Baby… Jason is not here… Do you know where you are?' I asked her.

'No… no… I saw him… he was here…' She replied again.

'He's not here Sera…' I replied again. 'Sweet heart, you have to remain calm… Now… tell me… do you know where you are?' I asked again. She looked around, and finally answered.

'Hospital?'

'Yes…' I replied again as I placed my index fingers in each of her hand. 'Squeeze them for me please?... That's it kiddo...' I continued as she squeezed them the best she could. 'Tell me if you can feel me…' I said again as I pinched her legs.

'Aww… it hurts…' She mumbled.

'Good… it's better to hurt than not feeling anything at all…' I replied again while she was drifting back into sleep. 'Don't sleep munchkin… not for now… you have to stay awake ok?'

* * *

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	68. Chapter 67

This is dedicated to JulesTaylor, amyseur, kiwijoeelle, Christian Grey fan, Christian618, and Goodlyfe

* * *

**John's POV**

I knew this was to happen soon. We could all precede it. Christian was opening his eyes… but there was something else about this… something way beneath this… Ana seemed out of it… She had never recovered from anything, and yet…

'Thanks for coming down John…' Grace got me out of my thoughts.

'Yeah… how is she?'

'Not good… We talked to Christian and Ana about our little talk.'

'…and?'

'Well… they don't like it…'

'They had to see it before all of this…' I replied back. 'Where are they? I'd like to talk to them.'

'They're waiting… Christian looks as if his head was cut off… he's changed…'

'I don't understand. They want her… They love her in some way or another… but as yet… they push her away…'

'Do you think it's because of Jason?'

'I think there's something else… something they never talked about… and I think I do have an idea…'

'…but it has to do with Jason…'

'Mum, Ana never blamed Christian for anything that happened. She fell for Christian head over heels since the first time she had fallen into his office… don't you think that's odd? Ana has the specification of his subs… he never let any other subs into his life… Why Ana? What's so different about her? We keep saying 'Christian this', and 'Christian that…' I reasoned. 'What if the problem is Ana and not Christian? Remember when I told you she almost fainted that time when Christian invited us?'

'Yeah…'

'Think about it Mum… Who went to help her?'

'Christian…'

'… and it was Christian that had the concerns on Sera, when he suspected something was wrong…'

'I still don't get it… if that is the case, then why was he still holding a grudge when she was raped.'

'He couldn't protect her… she went against his rules… which although she did wrong, I don't blame her… it would have driven me nuts… he couldn't control her pain…'

'…but Ana did stick up for her at times.'

'Mum, with who did Ana always ended up siding with?'

'Christian...'

'…and where was Sera in all of this? Despite her fears and feelings…'

'Into her own confines…'

'Exactly…' I replied. 'We had blamed Christian… but it's not totally his fault… Ana played a part in this… Jason's death wasn't easy on her… she needed to vent off… and the first person she found weaker than her was her daughter…'

'John, you sound as if Ana is bullying her own blood…'

'Not bullying… lashing out on her… Sera was always understandable… Remember how much we used to talk before? She used to try and give advices the best way she could despite her young age… Things between them all changed and took a turn for the worse when Jason died… but don't forget… Ana had been raised by three different fathers… That had to take a toll on her…'

'Then Hyde kidnapping her…'

'… and the hysterectomy when Sera was born…the loss of Jason… Christian's lash out with Elena…'

'It all adds up…'

'You're sounding as if Ana needs as much help as Sera needs…'

'Sera followed her father's footsteps… she's independent… she looks at things at his perspective… there is no black and white for her… there are only open choices… she doesn't take rush decisions, but she's as self-destructive as her own father…' I replied again. 'When you and dad adopted me, I got to know what a family meant like. Christian had some of his own problems. I knew it… I saw it… he took up drinking… bad company…'

'Recipe for destruction…'

'It left him weak… You both tried helping him the best way you could…'

'…but?'

'He improved at times… I remember mum, you would never leave his side. Those were the times I saw you and dad both broken… You were losing Christian slowly… Then Robinson came along… and the anger he had in him was almost gone…'

'You never told me… When did you find out about his obsession?'

'By mistake actually… I found one of his contracts... but he talked to me… it was then that he decided to be a dom…'

'… but what about Ana?'

'I don't know… I have to talk to her…' I replied again.

'They're outside her room. I told them to wait for you before they visit her.'

'Thanks mum…'

'John…'

'Yeah?'

'You know… I thank God every day that he gifted me with a son like you… I know you're not mine…'

'As far as I'm concerned… you are the only mother I know Grace!'

* * *

**Christian's POV**

'Ana… please open your eyes! You're denying everything!'

'Christian!'

'No Ana! Listen to me… I've let you have your way with her… I've let you wait and wait… I've tried turning things around… but nothing…' I replied again as John came forward while he opened a door.

'In…' He simply ordered, while both of us entered. 'Will you two fucking stop arguing for once?' He scolded. 'I feel like I'm dealing with a pair of 4 year olds! Your daughter is inside that room, and she's watching you!'

'John… stay out of this!' Ana replied back.

'No I won't Ana! We've let you have your way… We've waited for so long for you two to open your eyes… and look where that got her! What would have happened if mum and dad weren't there Christian?' He continued. '…and don't you think that she doesn't know anything! For your information she was there when Jason was shot… She told me… She was in the closet at that moment…'

'What?' I asked in disbelief.

'She knows Christian… She knows everything… She knows about your room…she knows about your obsession… She knows everything!'

'That's what Rhian meant when she told me…'

'Yes Ana… that's what she was trying to tell you before you dragged your daughter out…'

'How… how did we not notice?' I asked again.

'…because you were never there emotionally for her Christian! You both have been so isolated and confined to your own problems… and I don't blame you… life wasn't easy for both of you… but that doesn't mean you had to push her away!' He explained slowly. 'Christian, I've filed the papers for Sera's custody this morning…'

'What? No! You are not taking my daughter away from me John… I've already lost one son… I'm not losing another child.' I replied again almost getting physical with him, as I smashed my hand on the table. Ana's handbag fell, and a lot of things fell from it. She went down immediately to pick up everything, but a leaflet caught my eye. I slid down and picked it up. She tried snatching it from my hand, but I had already read what it was.

'What is this Ana?' I asked as I saw her face panic.

'That's… that's nothing Christian…' She replied while I handed the paper to John.

'Ana… what? How?' I tried… I didn't know what to say.

'I'm sorry Christian… I tried… I couldn't stop…'

'Ana… we talked about this… you know how dangerous those stuff are… you know all the side effects… heart attacks… bleeding… cancer…'

'I know Christian… I know… but I couldn't stop…'

'Ana! We freaked out when we found Sera's pills… and you're doing worse than her…'

'I know Christian… I just…' I said again as I turned around and walked away from her, while John took over.

'Ana… why didn't you say something?'

'What did you expect me to say John? I thought I had it under control… I thought so… then…'

'Then fucking what Ana?' I said again in desperation. 'I'm losing the most two people I love!'

'Christian… calm down… this won't help…'

'Yeah… like anything helped John!'

'Shut up Christian! Shut the fuck up! You're always shouting… You're always getting angry! Your past caught up to you and look what happened… it cost our sons life Christian! You know why your daughter's starves?... because we both were too busy with our fucking life…'

'Is it my fault Ana? As you see you are as self-destructive as she is!'

**John's POV**

'Is this how both of you react in front of her?' I asked.

'Yes John… this is how it always was… This is exactly how it always is…' Ana answered back. 'Yes Christian… I promised to stop… I did… but I couldn't… you know why? Because you pushed us away… have you forgotten when your daughter got raped? Have you forgotten how long you have taken to talk to her? How much you've hurt her? Have you stayed with her every night when she woke up screaming? NO Christian… you haven't!'

'…but I've tried turning things around Ana! I've tried…'

'…and as you see it didn't work Christian.'

'Ana… how long?' I asked… she remained quiet, but I had to know. 'Ana?' I asked again.

'Almost 5 years…' She admitted.

'5 Years?' Christian chocked. 'Why didn't you tell me something? Why didn't you open up to me?' He asked again as he moved forward and caught Ana's tears.

'…because I couldn't let you see me pathetic… When I overdosed the first time, you were abroad on work… I made Sera promise not to tell you… I had overdosed on Tylenol… I promised her to get better… and I did for some time… but then you didn't talk to me… you were cold… and I started taking the diet pills… until you found them…'

'You promised me you were going to stop Ana!'

'…and I did… I promise I did… but then… Sera's rape… it reminded me of when I was abused Christian… It was why my mother divorced the second time… my step father abused me… I knew what the pain meant… but unlike her… I talked about it… but she couldn't… and I couldn't handle seeing her in that pain… I started on Methadone… then few weeks ago… Sera found the bottle in my bag… and she made me promise to get better for you… She signed me up for the rehab facility… it was a plan between us…'

'…and you decided to burden our daughter with this, instead of coming to me?' I asked.

'I'm sorry Christian… I am very sorry!'

'Christian… Ana… I think both of you need some therapy… Ana you need to get better… you need an inpatient treatment…'

'I know John… I know…' She replied as she dried up her tears.

'Christian… What are you going to do?' I asked him.

'Sera needs a better environment…' He started. 'We've… we've broken her John… I'll hand you over her temporary custody for as long as you don't keep her away from us… at least till us both get better…' He said. I realized that finally he saw the big picture. 'You have to promise me that she'll be safe…'

'Christian you can visit her as much as you want… but she needs a family… she needs love…'

'…but I must emphasise this… You will be having TEMPORARY custody… ones we both get better… I want my daughter back… I want to fix my relationship with her…'

'Ones you both are cleared and I see that you are all better, yes… you will have her custody back… but not for now… she has too much to lose as it is…' I replied again. 'I will still have therapy with her… right now we are going to focus on getting some meat back on her bones, so she'll start responding to therapy.'

'…and then?'

'Then when she's ready… We'll have a family session…' I replied again as I turned towards Ana. 'Ana, you need individual therapy and group therapy with people having the same problem as you do. I need to admit you immediately into rehab for now…'

'We know…' Ana replied. 'I want to get better… if not for me… at least for her…'

'What about you Christian?'

'I want to be a better father…' He replied. 'I'll do anything to save her…'

* * *

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**_


	69. Chapter 68

**Christian's POV**

I looked at her frail body. She was lying on her back. The sheet was barely moving...it was her beeping monitor that ensured me she was still alive... Her face was sunken and her lips were excessively dry. I couldn't believe she was the same person she was a year ago... That's it... She wasn't anymore... Twig like hands, purple fingers and nails. Her chest so frail, with the bump of each rib visible, almost tearing her skin apart like a piece of paper. Her collar bones jutted out in an abnormal way, and bruises covered her arms. Her pale flawless face was cold, and had a tinge of a grayish colour. I could see her hips jutting out from her pj's that we had managed to dress her in. I was afraid of helping them. I was afraid she was going to snap under my arms. Her spine tore through her back. I could count every single bone. She had no chest what so ever… She turned from a healthy sized girl… to… nothing… and it went unnoticed. I never thought that anyone could lose this much weight… I thought that she couldn't get any thinner…but she did… Her heart was failing… She had a severe kidney infection… she was dying slowly in front of my eyes…

I took the locket from the cabinet. I opened it and realized that it was the one we had given her. We all were there… Ana, Jason… me… I thought she wasn't going to have it there… She was angry at both of us… I knew it… I could see it in her eyes whenever she looked at us… but she masked it perfectly well… 'G_uess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree._' I thought to myself.

* * *

**Flashback – Birthday 2008**

'_Happy Birthday to you… Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to Sera! Happy Birthday to you! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11,12!' We all sang. _

'_Make a wish peanut!' I encouraged her as I held her on my hip. She closed her eyes tightly and started smiling._

'_Done!' She said back as she looked at me._

'_Blow the candles peanut!' I encouraged as I helped her with them. _

'_Thank you daddy!' She smiled again as she let her head rest on my shoulder._

'_Let's have some cake!' Ana said as she sat Jason on his feet. 'Are you going to help me my little prince?'_

'_Yes mommy!' He jumped with excitement._

'_Good, because we still have to give the presents to your sister…' She laughed as she handed him the napkins._

'_What did you wish for peanut?' I asked her gently as I caressed her cheek._

'_I can't tell you daddy… Otherwise it won't be a wish anymore…' She reasoned. I chuckled at her answer and hugged her tighter. _

'_You're growing up too fast peanut! Promise me you'll stay my baby girl forever…'_

'_I will always be your baby girl daddy!' She smiled again._

'_Damn… I may have to beat every boy that comes behind my door for you!' I joked again as I tickled her._

'_No daddy! Besides… I want a guy with brown hair… blue eyes… with glasses… tall… strong… and have a sports car like you… and… and… I forgot…' She reasoned again._

'_Yeah…' I laughed again as I sat down and placed her on my lap._

'…_but…' She came forward and whispered in my ear. 'I wished for us to remain like this forever daddy… With you and mummy and Jason… I love you daddy!' she said again as she gave me a bear hug. That had caught me off guard. I hugged her back and didn't want to let her go. She was growing up, and soon she would prefer to hang out with her friends… then she'll start dating… and she'll forget us… then she'll move to college, and we won't see her often… I was thinking way ahead…_

'_I love you too peanut…' I replied as I kissed her forehead. '…but you have to promise me that you won't change… you'll always remain my baby girl.'_

'_I promise daddy!' She replied again._

'_Ohhhh… and will I be your baby girl daddy?' Jason asked as he pulled on my trousers._

'_No Jason…' I said again as I lifted him off. 'You'll always be my baby boy… but never my baby girl!'_

'_This is so difficult!'_

'_You'll understand when you'll grow up Jason.'_

'… _so that means that Cookie is a grown up daddy?'_

'_In certain things yes… but your mother and I will always be here for you no matter how much older you two will be…' I said again as Ana joined us. 'Right Ana?'_

'_Yes honey… and we'll always love you too no matter what happens.'_

'_I love you too mummy!' Both said in unison, while I sat them on their feet. _

'_I think it's time Ana.'_

'_Time for what daddy?' Jason asked._

'_To give your sister her present…' I smiled while Ana went to get a box from the drawer. _

'_This is from all of us…' Ana smiled as she handed it to our daughter._

'_What is it?' She asked while Ana lifted her off on her lap._

'_Open it munchkin'…' she smiled while Sera complied. She took her time with the ribbon, and was careful with not ruining the wrapping paper, however soon the box was in her hand. She opened it and remained staring at it in amazement._

'_What is it… What is it Cookie?' Jason jumped up and down._

'_Mum… dad is this for me?'_

'_It's your birthday isn't it?' I told her again. 'Open it honey…' I encouraged her while she did so. 'You have a photo of all of us… so that when you feel sad, or feel alone, you'll know that we are always going to be here for you peanut._

'_Do you love it?' Ana asked._

'_I love it mummy!' She replied again as Ana helped her putting it on. 'It's lovely…'_

**End of Flashback**

* * *

We promised her we were always going to be there for her. We promised her that she could rely on us… we promised her to remain as a family… Promised… they were futile promises… and it back fired… I thought… I thought that maybe… if I kept my distance away from her I would protect her from getting hurt like Jason did… I thought I could protect her from everything… I placed Taylor on 24/7 security with her just in case anything happened… I never let her alone at any moment. Security cameras have doubled at Escala. I've placed a high sensitivity metal and radioactivity detectors… Tracking devices on her phone… a tracking pin in her school bag… and it still didn't protect her… not from herself… I had to protect her from herself… and I failed… I failed as a husband… as a father… at life… I failed Jason…

I closed my eyes tight and held her locket in my hand tight. I had to change… I had to be a better person… for my wife… for my daughter… I want her to forgive me… I want to get back all that lost time with her… I want…

Tears streamed down my cheek to my lips. I could taste the saltiness. I could feel the pain eating my heart out. I wanted it to go away… but it couldn't… not until I saw her breathing and alive again… back to that light she had when she was younger.

I looked over at my wife... She was resting on the couch... Exhaustion took over her. I knew she wasn't well but she told me she stopped...

* * *

**Flashback in July**

_We had just picked up Sera from her ballet lesson. She had already started to lose weight at that time... But it wasn't alarming. I could feel that something wasn't quite right… with both Ana and my daughter… but I decided to leave it as to my paranoia… However, my thoughts still haunted me. _

'_How was ballet peanut?' I asked trying to at least get her to talk._

'_It was ok… Madame said I may start the advanced class soon.' She answered slowly. There was no excitement in her voice… just plain coolness._

'_That's great…' I replied as I looked at the front rear mirror, and realized she was playing and scratching her fingers._

'_There is something wrong… She's too enclosed…' I thought to myself… She looked different… there had to be… I decided to test my theories. I took the next turn and decided to take my family out for dinner. It had been a bit since we all enjoyed a nice family dinner out._

'_Christian, this isn't the way to home…' Ana noted._

'_I know…' I replied again, as I looked at the front mirror seeing Sera getting panicked. 'We're going out for dinner… It's been a bit since we've last gone out as a family…'_

'…_but… Gail prepared dinner dad…' She replied in panic._

'_Hey… no need to panic… We can have it tomorrow.' I replied. She had just confirmed my suspicions… There was something wrong. 'Besides… we're going to your favourite place peanut…'_

'_Spinasse?' Ana asked._

'_Yeah…' I replied again as I looked towards my daughter. She was lost into thinking… her eyes moving from side to side in worry. 'Sera… are you ok?' I asked her gently._

'_Um… yeah… It's just… I… I had this huge lunch… and… I'm really not that hungry…' She said slowly. I took the first parking I found, and turned to face her._

'_What lunch? I was at home and I didn't see you eat at all!' I replied back as I looked straight to her eyes. She started avoiding them, but I kept searching them again._

'_I meant lunch at school dad… I had some pasta…'_

'_Sera… That has been 8 hours ago… You still have to have dinner…'_

'…_but…'_

'_No discussions Sera… you are going to eat… Am I clear?'_

'_Christian… easy…' Ana replied. 'Honey… you have to eat something… It's been 8 hours… It isn't healthy!'_

'…_but mum…'_

'_Sera, your father is right… I have to put my foot down on this…' She said again. 'Now let's go because I'm starving.' She encouraged. _

_We all got out of the car, and while Ana locked the car, I took my daughter from her shoulder._

'_Sweet heart… is everything ok? Is something bothering you?'_

'_No dad… everything's fine…' She smiled. _

'_Ok… let's go eat then…' I smiled. I could see that she was still worried about something. She kept fidgeting with everything, and the menu choosing was the longest time she had taken to look at. She really did take her time._

'_Sera… do you know what you're ordering?' I asked._

'_Not really…' She replied._

'_Why don't you have the Calamari fritti? Those are your favourite here…' Ana suggested._

'_I… I'm not up for them… today…'_

'_Then what would you like?'_

'_Um… I think… I think I'll have a tuna salad…' She replied, but soon she changed her mind. '… no… no… I'll have a vegetarian salad…' She said as she closed of the menu._

'_Are you sure?' I asked her again._

'_Mhmm…'_

'_What do you want to drink?' Ana asked her again._

'_Water would be fine…' she replied again as she dropped her gaze to her lap. _

'_Ok…' I replied as one of the waiters took our order. 'Ana, could you please keep my phone and wallet your bag… I need to use the restroom.'_

* * *

_Our dinner was quiet from Sera's side. She kept playing with her food… she thought I didn't notice… but I did… I decided to let her stay for the moment… Maybe she wasn't really hungry… I had to investigate into this… _

_All of us were dead tired when we were home. Ana went in to take a shower before bed. I decided to take my time with things, and sign some papers before I retreat for the night, however soon my phone started buzzing. I had realized that I left my phone in Ana's handbag..._

_'Ana... I left my...' I started as I rummaged through the bag._

_'Wait... Wait... No...' she came running from the bathroom... But it was too late... I had found them._

_I hung up… the caller could wait… 'Ana... What are these?' I asked her as I turned to face her._

_'Those... Those...' she panicked as she snatched them from my hand and turned her back to me._

_'Ana, please... Talk to me...' I begged her._

_'It's...'_

_'Why are you taking those pills Ana? You look perfect and beautiful just the way you are honey!' I said again as I turned her to face me._

_'I just... I've been stressed out lately...'_

_'So you turn to these?' I said again. 'Ana... You know how much dangerous substance abuse is! They can cause millions of things... Repercussions... You don't know how your body may react to this stuff!'_

_'I'm sorry Christian... I really am...'_

_'Ana... You have to talk to someone... We have a daughter to think about... At least for her, Ana!'_

_'I know...'_

_'Unfortunately knowing is not enough Ana... You have to promise me you are going to stop using these!' I replied again. She remained there dumbstruck and in tears._

_'I'm sorry Christian...' she said again as she moved towards the bin. 'This will be the end of this...' she said again as she threw them away._

**End of Flashback**

* * *

I thought about it... Was it just an act? A ploy to fool me? I felt helpless... My wife was killing herself slowly... And my daughter almost died... And yet, we don't know if she'll make it... Both were self-destructive in their own ways… both couldn't control it… and I just didn't know how to handle it.

'Christian?' My father took me out of my thoughts.

'Hey dad…'

'How are you holding up son?' He asked me gently as he came from behind me and squeezed my shoulder.

'Not really holding up… my wife has an addiction… my daughter is killing herself… and I wasn't there for neither of them.'

'Christian… you can be now… both need you more than ever… stop beating yourself up… you've acknowledged your mistakes… and that's already a lot… all you need to do is fix them and to never repeat them.'

'…and how can I not beat myself up? Look at her… she's barely alive… she's barely moving… she's cold as stone… and it's all my fault dad… and I lost her to John…'

'Christian… I know it's hard… it is on all of us… but you both need to deal with this… you need to help Ana get back on her feet… you need to discuss things between you… and you need to do it alone… not in front of the kid…'

'Yeah…' I replied again as I wiped my tears away and moved forward to the edge of her bed. I lifted her hand gently, and held it into mine. It was so small… so cold… 'When is she going to wake up?' I asked again.

'I don't know…'

'Will she be able to walk?'

'I don't know…'

'Brain damage?'

'I don't know…'

'What do you know then dad?' I asked in desperation.

'…that she's alive… and stable for now… her body is just trying to recover… to find the energy again to be able to at least talk…' He replied again.

'Will she ever love me again?'

'Christian… she never stopped… that is what you fail to see… she wants you to love her no matter what… but you pushed her away… and the further you pushed her, the further she isolated herself…'

'Sera… I don't know if you can hear me… but if you can… please… I beg you… Please… don't die… fight this… I know you can win this…' I tried. 'I love you peanut!'

* * *

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	70. Chapter 69

**Carrick's POV**

I remained beside my son. I couldn't leave him alone. He was lost in thoughts, and remained beside her running smooth circles on her hand. Silence could be cut with a knife… it was getting late… and she was still not up.

'How… Why is she like this?' My son finally asked. 'She's not waking up…'

'She's in a coma Christian…' I finally spilled.

'What?' He asked astonished.

'Well… after she woke up… she had a seizure… caused by the electrolyte imbalance… and she fell into a coma… we only have to wait for her to wake up…' I explained slowly as I rested my back to the hospital chair, while he got up and paced in frustration. 'She can hear you… she can hear everything that's going on… she just can't wake up…'

'Do you have any idea when she'll wake up?'

'No…' I replied while he moved back to her and caressed her cheek. 'We still don't know…'

'She looks so peaceful…'

'She is… she's not in pain… we're trying to keep her as comfortable as possible.' I replied again. 'Christian… it seems that she doesn't want to wake up… she wants to remain where she is…'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

_A cool breeze… splashing water… sand throughout… Barren grey rocks were situated around the beach, and the sea-horses climb on top of it. White sand underneath my bare feet, and a clear sunset sky was producing the most magical scene. The horizon seemed very life-like… I could reach to it and never go back to anywhere. I walked along the wet sand… let my feet feel the cool water. I looked at my reflecting in the flawless beach, and I looked good… I smiled at myself… I took the sides of my dress, and made one whole revolution. It was a light shade of yellow sun dress… I remembered… it was the dress mum had sown for me._

_I looked again at the reflection, but this time beside me there was someone else. I turned around to face him and hugged him immediately._

'_Jason! You're back!' I said as he took me in his embrace._

'_I'm always here whenever you want me Cookie…' He smiled back. 'Why are you here?' He asked again._

'_I don't know… I… just woke up here…' I replied hesitantly._

'_Sera… you made the choice to come here…'_

'_How?'_

'_Don't worry… we'll figure it out together…' He smiled again. 'Listen…'_

* * *

'_Please Sera… Please… do wake up! I can't stand seeing you like this… I need you peanut…'_

* * *

'_Who was that?' I asked him._

'_That was dad Cookie…'_

'_So I'm not dead…'_

'_Not as yet…'_

'_So… where am I? Who are you?'_

'_I am Jason… I am Jason in your brain…'_

'_So… I'm in my memories? You are my brain?'_

'_Sera… it's complicated…' He replied again. '…but you cannot stay here forever!'_

'_I don't want to leave here… It… I just… I love it here… it's so peaceful…there's nothing bothering me… nothing hurting me… and I'm with you…'_

'_Sera… I'm not real… I'm stimulation from your brain Cookie…' He replied again while I turned my back to him. 'Let me show this… maybe this will change your mind why you should go back.' He said again as he touched my shoulders and all of a sudden we were back at Escala._

* * *

'_What's wrong peanut?' Dad asked as he came to me on the couch. 'Gail told me you were feeling sick…'_

'_My tummy hurts daddy.'_

'_Cookie was crying daddy…' Jason replied._

'_I'll call grandma…'_

'_No daddy… there's no need…' I said again as I held him from his arm._

'_Sweet heart you're in pain…'_

'_I just need to go to the bathroom daddy…' I replied again as he helped me up while I ran to the bathroom._

'_Daddy… will Cookie be ok?'_

'_Yes pumpkin… I think she has the 24 hour flu…'_

* * *

'_I remember this day Jason!'_

'_I know you do… you scared the crap out of me and dad!' He replied again. 'Look…'_

* * *

'_Sera?' Dad knocked on the door. 'Sera, are you ok in there? It's been almost an hour!'_

'_Dad… When is mum coming home?'_

'_At around 5pm I think…' He replied again. 'Please peanut… just tell me… are you ok?'_

'_Dad… please get mummy!'_

'_Ok… I'm worried now… I'm coming in.'_

'_No dad! Don't! Please!'_

'_What's wrong Sera… talk to me peanut!'_

'_Please… just call mummy…'_

'_Only if you tell me what's going on…'_

'_I'll tell you what… hand me the phone please… and I'll call mum myself…'_

'_Please Sera… just tell me what's wrong…' He begged again. 'I'm calling Grandma… She has to come and check you up…'_

'_No please daddy!' I begged again._

'_Sera…' _

'_Dad… I just got my period…' I finally blurted out._

'_Your period?' He asked shocked… 'Damn… it's better if your mother was here…'_

'_I told you dad! You see!'_

'_Don't worry kiddo… Let me go get you a pad… your mother kept a packet in our room in case of emergency for you…' He said again, as he ran to their room and came back running. 'I'm opening the door…' He said again as he handed me the pad. 'Um… unwrap it… and just stick it to the crotch on your panties…' He advised._

'_Daddy! I know that!' I replied. _

'_Come down when you're ready… I have something for you…' He smiled. I did as he asked me, and went to the kitchen… he was there preparing some hot chocolate and a heating pad._

'_What's this daddy?'_

'_All a girl wants during this time is some comfort food and warmth… This is what I used to make your mother when she used to have her periods.' He said again as he moved to the freezer. '…and we can't forget this…' He continued as he took out a tub of ice-cream, and grabbed two spoons. 'Come here peanut…' He said again as he hugged me. _

'_Thanks daddy… I'm sorry for…'_

'_Hey… I understand… I would rather if your mother was here for this honey…' He continued as he fed me a spoonful of ice cream. '…just one thing… let's not share the fact that I freaked out…'_

'_Ok daddy…' I laughed. 'It's going to be our little secret…'_

* * *

'_I wish dad remained the same Jason… I wish he didn't push me away…'_

'_You know he loves you cookie…'_

'_I know… but I want him to also love himself… When Hyde sabotaged Charlie Tango's engine and almost caused him his life… dad changed… then Hyde kidnapped mum… and things continued going downhill from there… I never knew what exactly happened… All I know is that dad sent me to grandma till they found our mother…'_

'…_and you blame yourself for that don't you?' He asked again as we returned back to the beach. _

'_Hyde waited for me after ballet lesson. Dad was held in traffic, and he came to talk to me… He said he was mum's friend… and that he wanted to talk to her… and that he lost her number. He asked me for her number and I did give it to him. Two days later she went missing…'_

'… _and why do you keep blaming yourself?'_

'_Oh come on Jason! Both our parents always advised us to not talk to strangers… and what have I done? The exact opposite! Dad was mad at me for a week when I confessed the truth… He didn't talk to me… He hated me at that time Jason! And I don't blame him!...'_

'_Sera how old were you?'_

'_8…' _

'_Exactly… you weren't mature enough to comprehend anything…'_

'_Why are you trying to defend me?'_

'…_because I am your own thoughts… the thoughts and memories you've suppressed Sera…' He said again. 'You need to go back… for both of them… Give them another chance… they deserve that at least!'_

'…_but… I love it here… I don't have anything to worry about… I'm free…'_

'…_is this truly what you want Sera?' Jason asked gently. 'I never knew you to give up… I've always known you to be a motivator… and you never gave up… why now?'_

'…_because I have nothing left to fight for Jason… I've lost everything in my life… I've lost you… my parents… my life… I don't want to live anymore… I give up Jason…'_

'_Sera… listen…'_

'_To what?'_

'… _just listen!' He said again as he held me from my arms._

* * *

'_You know… I remember when we used to go to walks in the park… and on the beach… when you used to jump on me every morning and I used to scold you to be careful… Remember that time when you climbed on the kitchen counter and you thought that you could fly? You scared the crap out of your mother and I… I remember the anger I felt for you putting yourself in that much danger…' He continued. '… and remember that time when you begged me to take you on the yacht in January... in all that cold? I do…' He continued again. 'Please Sera… Please… Please don't leave me…'_

* * *

'_Dad seems sad… He's broken… I broke him…'_

'… _He loves you Sera… In his own ways… he loves you very much…' Jason replied again._

'_I… I don't want to leave you…'_

'_Cookie… I'm always with you… in here…' He replied again as he pointed to my heart. _

'_I love you Jason!' I said again as I hugged him for the last time… Everything around me started becoming blurry slowly. _

'_I love you too Cookie…' His words echoed as he also vanished._

* * *

I could hear a constant beeping monitor, and I could feel dad's touch on my hand. I could feel his soothing words and his warm breath over my face. I could smell his strong cologne which burned my nose. My legs were freezing and they felt all heavy. I moved my fingers gently and moved my hand slowly in dad's bigger one.

* * *

**Christian's P****OV**

'You know… when you get better, we can take a family vacation… like we used to do before… your mother and I will take some time off, and we'll only have fun… We'll visit London… France…' I continued. I wanted her to wake up more than anything in the world… I could hold her close to me. She maybe was 17… but she still was my baby girl.

'Sera! Please… if you're listening…' I started again, but soon I felt her fingers move. I stared at them. I thought it was my brain playing tricks on me, but soon they moved again in my hand.

'Dad… dad wake up!' I called my father.

'What Christian?' He shot up.

'I think she's waking up! I felt her fingers move.' I replied excitedly.

'Christian…'

'No dad… look!' I insisted again as her fingers moved again.

'Sera?…' He asked while pressed the emergency button and took out his light pen and flashed the light into her eyes. 'Pupils are dilating… stats are going up.' He continued as he pinched her in arms gently. 'Sera? Can you hear me?'

She started moving her eyes, and finally they opened.

'Sera can you hear me?' Dad asked again as a nurse entered the room with another doctor and my mother. She nodded gently, while my father pinched her in her legs. 'Can you feel this?' He asked again while she nodded. 'Good… Grace?'

'I'll check the jerk reactions…' She replied as took a hammer like apparatus and started hitting Sera's elbow and knees gently. She kicked them unconsciously and I could see a smile creeping on my mother's face.

'What is it? Is she ok?'

'There is no nerve damage Christian… That's a good sign!' My mother replied as she turned back to my daughter.

'Sera, do you remember where you are?'

'Mhmm…' she mumbled. 'Hospital…'

'Do you remember what happened?' My father asked her again, while she shook her head as a no. 'Your heart stopped… due to starvation and electrolyte imbalance.' He explained. 'When was the last time you truly ate?' He asked. '…without vomiting… and no lying…' He insisted.

'I…'

'Sweet heart… we only want to help you.' My mother insisted again.

'…Almost three weeks ago…' She admitted softly.

'Ok…' My father said again, as he wrote something on her chart, and turned to me. 'We'll leave you three alone for now… That monitor goes below 60 and you are too get somebody here immediately… Am I clear?'

'Yes dad…' I replied while both my mother and him left us three alone.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

'How are you feeling honey?'

'I'm ok…'

'Sera, you lost the right to lose the word ok when you started cutting and starving yourself.' Christian replied as he sat on the edge of her bed and took her arm.

'Sera… we all need to talk…' I started again. 'I'm sorry I made you keep such a burden.'

'What are you talking about mum?'

'Don't worry… your father knows…' I told her again, as I sat on the other side of the edge of the bed.

'Oh…'

'Yes…' I replied again as I looked towards Christian. '…and we've decided, that I should go to a rehab facility… where I can get back on my feet and stronger… back to what I was…'

'What about you two? Are you still going to fight and hate each other's guts?' She asked gently.

'We never hated each other's guts peanut!'

'Of course you did! I hear you fight… I hear you argue…'

'…and it's not your fault…' I said again as I dropped a kiss on her forehead. 'Circumstances made us like that… and we didn't know how to handle it… but it was never your fault honey!' I insisted again. '…and neither Jason's death was your fault…'

'What… what do you mean?' she chocked.

'We know Sera… we know you were there that night…' Christian replied. 'Why didn't you talk to us? Why didn't you say something?'

'…because… because both of you were shattered… you mum… turned to alcohol and drugs… and you dad… you went for Elena!'

'…but that couldn't have stopped you from talking to us!'

'It did mum… it did… I was hurt seeing you hurt…you never talk about Jason… you never talk about anything… you only fight and argue… I wanted to help you… I didn't want to burden you…'

'So what… you starve yourself?' Christian asked again.

'Dad…' she started, but soon stopped. 'What's going to happen now?'

'Well… we need to some therapy ourselves honey… for now you will be staying with John and his family…'

'…What about you? I… I can't leave you!'

'We won't leave you alone! We promise…'

'Like you promised when I was 12, dad?'

'This time we mean it baby girl… I promise we will never leave you alone… but you have to get better… you have to promise me that you are going to get better…'

'I promise dad… I will get better…'

* * *

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	71. Chapter 70

**Ana's POV**

It's been almost a week since my daughter has been in hospital. After we all had a little talk, we decided that I should start rehab ASAP... John suggested it would be in my best interest to not put it off any longer. I packed up the day after, and compromised with Sera, that we would both get better. We had to do this together. Christian, on the other hand, seemed all alone. He broke down while I was packing... I never knew it affected him this much... His tough persona rubbed on all of us... He always had that stern look when he was worried... But this time... I saw fear in his eyes... Something I rarely saw...

**Flashback**

_'Ana...' he started as he sat on our bed and pulled me on his lap. 'Did I do this to you?'_

_'Christian... Stop blaming yourself... Things are as they are because both Sera and I couldn't handle things...'_

_'Ana... You know I love you right?'_

_'Of course I do... Why do you ask?'_

_'Ana... I feel helpless... Towards you... Towards Sera... I wonder... Are we ever going to be a family again?'_

_'Of course we will baby!' I replied as I nuzzled into his hair. 'Christian... I love you... And I can assure you that my addiction had nothing to do with you... You should cut yourself some slack...'_

_'How can I Ana? My two girls are...'_

_'Christian, Sera is sick... I am not... I just need to stop my dependency from substance abuse... I'll come clean... I promise...'_

_'Ana... You never told me... Where have you gotten the drugs?'_

_'Christian, it's not only you that know people...'_

_'You know drug dealers?'_

_'Not exactly... A friend of mine... She knows him... She got it for me... But we both are willing to get better! You see... She just found out she's pregnant, and she wants to bring up a healthy child...'_

_'Better than we did... We ruined our daughter...' He admitted._

_'Christian... Sera is like her father... You Christian... She is exactly like you… She's strong... Stubborn and hard-headed! But strong minded like you...' I said again as I caressed his cheek. 'You'll see... We both will get better and we'll both have back our lives... Just promise me one thing...'_

_'Anything Ana... I promise you anything...'_

_'Don't leave Sera alone while she's in hospital... She already feels abandoned by both of us... Let's not make her feel worse...'_

_'I already had that in mind... I'll be doing my office work beside her... I won't ever lose another minute with her...' He replied. '…but you have to promise me, that you're going to follow the program and that you're going to call me at least once a day…'_

'_Don't get your hand twitching as yet Mr. Grey…' I smiled. 'I'll do so honey…'_

**End of Flashback**

* * *

**John's POV**

'Maria, being an addict doesn't mean you have no self-control… or that you are weak… being an addict doesn't justify who you are… you have to turn things around.' I suggested. 'Your son died in the bath tub. What happened that night?'

'My… my husband was still at work… and believe me… three kids together don't make a good recipe for anything…' She started. 'I… I was bathing my youngest… and… Michael and Rachel were having one of their tantrums… I couldn't concentrate… I let Gregory out of my sight till I went to see what was happening with the other two… but when I went back… I found him there… with his eyes open… I stood there dumbstruck… I'm a nurse and I should have reacted immediately… but I remained there staring at my drowning son…' she chocked.

'…and how does that make you feel Maria?'

'A failure… I could have saved my son… but I didn't… I have all the knowledge… I have all the necessary training… and yet… I couldn't do anything…'

'Maria… every person grieves in his or her own ways… You still haven't yet grieved about your son's death… you turned towards drugs to suppress those emotions… and I'm sure all of you here did the same…' I explained. 'We have a lot of pressures as parents… we have to be there for our kids… we have to set example… and when something goes wrong… it hits us in the most painful way… Am I right… Ana?' I asked as I saw her lost in thoughts.

'Sorry?' She quickly asked.

'Would you like to share something with us Ana?'

'Like what?' She asked as she crossed her arms.

'Ana, we are all here for the same problem… for the same addiction… what do you think had set your addiction off?'

**Ana's POV**

'I… I don't think I never thought on turning to substance abuse… It just happened…'I reasoned. I didn't quite remember how it all started. 'When… Jason was killed… and I thought that my husband was having an affair; I thought that my life ended… I forgot I had a daughter… I actually felt alone… Since my son's death… I didn't quite feel anything… I felt mechanical… exactly like a machine.' I explained.

'That's exactly how I felt too… you don't realize you're in it too deep until something happens… but then… you realize you can't stop… and you keep turning to it over and over again…' Jennifer added.

'Self-loathing is a very strong emotion… You were all angry at yourselves, and you probably felt jeopardized by everything that happened around you…' John explained again. 'Ana… when did you realize that you actually had a problem?'

'John… I never quite acknowledged it… but… it was my daughter that had found me almost dying from my first over-dose. I told her that I was going to get better, because I made her promise me to not tell my husband. I didn't want him to realize that I wasn't that fine. He was having problems of his own. He blamed himself for our son's murder… and then… our relationship went downhill… and I started again…' I explained. 'I felt better… I felt all the pain numbing… and I could go on for days having everything against me… and not feeling anything… It was almost an out-of-body experience…'

'You mean like Astral Projection?'

'You can say that… but not exactly… I knew exactly what was going on around me… I knew exactly what was happening… I just couldn't react to them…' I tried explaining. 'It's hard to explain…'

'…and what made you realize now Ana that you should get better…that you should stop abusing substances?'

'My daughter… and my husband… I realized… that my daughter's condition keeps deteriorating… She barely weighs 60 pounds… she doesn't eat… she doesn't drink… I didn't want to take her to hospital because I was afraid that a doctor there could sense that I was on substance abuse… that someone could realize that I was also on alcohol. I started avoiding Grace and Carrick, my in-laws… because both are doctors… She had a cardiac arrest in our home… and I couldn't react… I stood there… while she was dying… and I don't know if she'll make it… I was selfish on thinking only about myself… What mother does that?'

'I didn't take my daughter to hospital when she fell and hit her head, because I was on cocaine… My wife literally dragged us both to hospital… and it was there that my daughter's doctor realized I was on something… he first talked to my wife and she confronted me… I thought she was going to leave me… or worse take Julie away from me… but instead, both have been supportive… and I'm doing it for them.' Malcolm explained.

'All of you have a main reason on why you want to this… you all love your family dearly… like I love mine… but think about this before we end this session, and come with ideas next session…' John advised. 'What would you have done if you could change back time? What would you have done if you didn't have the family supporting you?' He asked. 'It seems to me… that the majority of you are doing it for others and not for yourself. Although substance abuse does affect your families, it mainly affects you… your health… your life…' He paused. 'Think about it… and write everything you feel in a journal… I would like for you to all read them in next session… it will break the cycle of keeping everything inside… or burying your feelings.'

* * *

He was right… I had kept everything inside… Since I was a young girl… Until I met Christian… that day I went to do him the interview. I bit my lip at the thought. I remembered how handsome and mesmerizing he was… and still is… despite the years that have passed. I knew there was something about him that made him special… and he is… but things weren't all bright and shining… he had a past that haunted him… until it took my son's life… Maybe that was the last straw that took me to start all this…

'Ana?' John took me out of my thoughts as he shook me gently from my shoulders, while I noticed that everybody had left. 'Are you ok?'

'Yeah… I was just thinking…' I replied as he took as seat in front of me.

'Would you like to share your feelings?' He said again as he rested his back to his chair.

'It seems strange… I always knew what drugs did… I knew how addictive they were… and I still turned to them…'

'Ana… like everyone here that has the same problem as you do; you all have enclosed yourselves in your own confines…'

'…and I don't know how I did it… It's exactly like when I suffered from anorexia. Ray and my mother noticed it immediately… and dealt with it… and till this very day… I don't remember how I started… as in… I know the reason why I did it… but… were did I find the self-control? I obviously felt hunger… how did I suppress it? … and then I look at my daughter… I keep asking myself how I could miss it… I saw her wasting away slowly… but I felt that the thinner she was getting, the better she looked… Until Grace's birthday… I can't forget that scene… She was sick… and now… she's even sicker… and yet Christian and I didn't do anything about it… we didn't force her to eat… admit her in… Christian suggested many times to act as parents and just admit her… but I kept denying it…'

'Ana, it seems to me that you still haven't dealt with your feelings on your eating disorder.' He suggested. 'Christian always told me about your lack of appetite… yes… you are nowhere near clinical anorexia… but it seems to me that you still have an anorexic mind… you still have those thoughts.'

'I do sometimes… I do think about what I used to do… and I still have tendencies to hold on to my rituals… yes… Christian had grabbed my attention about them… and he was supportive when I told him… he understood… but I don't know why… they keep coming back.'

'Could it be that maybe, as you couldn't control Jason's death, Sera's rape and eating disorder, Christian's pain and self-loathing and his past, that you turn to your habits out of an easy escape route?' He suggested. 'You told me that you felt out-of-yourself… numb… so as to put it better… maybe that does have to do something with it…'

'I don't know… but I guess you can say that…' I replied while he looked at his watch.

'Don't worry Ana…' He smiled again. 'We will figure these out together… It's time for dinner Ana… You better go before the nurse comes and gets you herself.' He chuckled.

'Before I go… how's Sera doing?'

'Well… she still hasn't been quite talking… right now she feels distant and alone… we need to get her to trust us again so she'll be able to talk…'

'… and physically?'

'She's on IV fluids for now… she's still refusing to eat… She's afraid that she won't be able to control…' He said again as the nurse came to us.

'Ana… dinner please…' She started.

'It's ok Jackie… I'll walk Ana to the dining room.' John replied as he grabbed his briefcase and some files and made our way out.

'Are you off to the hospital?'

'Yeah… I spend few hours with her… we talk… or watch a movie… or just stay quiet and read… she hasn't finished a meal till now… so they've taken her phone, laptop, and no tv…' He replied. '… till Christian comes back… he spends the night with her…'

'Good.' I smiled. 'I miss them both…'

* * *

**Christian's POV**

'Come on Sera… you can play better than that!' I replied as I made my last move as checkmate.

'I'm not good in this game daddy… I always lose…' She replied again. Lose… the word kept creeping back into my mind… haunting my thoughts…

'Let's stop for now…' I smiled as I moved the table from her bed. 'How are you feeling peanut?'

'Tired… and bored…'

'If you start eating something else other than lettuce they will let you watch some television at least…'

'Dad… they expect you to eat a whole meal… I'm a vegetarian…'

'Vegetarian by choice or vegetarian because you can't control it?' I asked her gently as I removed a lock of her hair behind her ear. I moved forward and lifted her off the bed. I moved to the chair and placed her on my lap, just like I used to do when she was younger. There was nothing of her. Even a 12 year old girl weighed more than her. She hid her face in my chest and held on to me strong. She was making herself the smallest she could, as if she wanted to vanish. Her eyes were tired. She wasn't getting much sleep… Night terrors still dominated her, but I decided to take a chance. 'Peanut… what were you dreaming about last night?'

'Dad…'

'Honey… Please listen to me… I know I haven't been there for you… but I am now…'

'No dad… it's not that…' She answered softly, just like a little girl scared of everything around her.

'Then what is it baby girl?'

'I just… I don't know how to explain them… but… I've been thinking today…'

'What about?'

'Remember when I was a little girl, and I used to love calligraphy, and I used to stick up papers in my room with you, with that calligraphy set that you had got me?'

'You killed long hours with that calligraphy set…' I smiled.

'Well… In my dream… I had this pen… and I kept slashing lines over and over again, and I was having the most beautiful writing on the paper… and I was so happy… just like I used to… and then… the black ink turned into blood red ink. I looked down at my arms… and I realized that… I had slashed myself instead… you were all there laughing… pointing… staring… and then I woke up… and all that happiness I was having at first… changed… and all those feelings just disappeared… and I turned back… to this…' She continued in silent tears while I rubbed her back. 'I feel empty dad… Where did my feelings… my childhood go? … and when will I get them back?'

'You will baby girl… I know you will get them back… I know how bad things are for you right now… I hurt… I know how scared you must be…' I comforted, as I took out my Charlie Tango pin from my pocket. 'Remember this?' I asked while she nodded. 'I remember… this had given me such good fortune… and I want you to have it…' I smiled while she took it in her small hands. 'I know you can win this baby girl… I know you can… just don't give up…'

'What if I let you down dad? What if I can't do this?'

'You never let me down baby girl… but you are stronger than this is… you are stronger than this illness baby girl…' I encouraged her with tears sliding down my cheek myself. 'Don't let go… peanut…' I said again as I kissed her forehead and held her tighter.

* * *

_**PLEASE REVIEW**_


	72. Chapter 71

Bibliography for the suicide poem and suicide note:

1. poem/this-is-my-goodbye

2. Blogs/Read/294774/Suicide-letter-to-parents/

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Success... Wealth... Elegance... I had everything I wanted... Everything I dreamed of having... Expensive hobbies, expensive jets... Tailored suits... Sports cars... Everything that a man would wish for... I had everything except happiness... When I was younger I thought that having something meant that you had the world in your hands... And it was true to a certain aspect... Grey enterprises inc holdings made my career dreams come true... Then Ana came along, and she changed my life, she turned everything around, made me a man of honour, made me a man to love. She had something in her, that till this day, I cannot explain... Something that pulled me towards her like an electrostatic attraction. We were polar opposites. She was pure and innocent and I was fifty shades... I guided her into my world of bdsm... I thought she was going to be a normal sub... But I fell on love with her... I never knew that love could be such a strong emotion. We evolved slowly like Darwin's theory of evolution. We got married and had a beautiful baby girl. We were so proud of being parents, especially after all those treatments Ana went through. It was our fifth IVF trial, until we finally conceived. It took long enough but she came to us.

I splashed water on my face under the faucet of the shower, I've let my mind drift to everything with the water flowing taking away all my darkest thoughts.

Ana changed Escala to a better place. She gave me a child... I could hear Sera's laughter from the door back when she was younger. She used to come run towards me and cling onto my neck. I used to lift her up and pamper my daughter to the best I could. We used to be something...

I got out of the shower and shaved my face. I remembered how Ana loved shaved faces. She loved the delicacy, the softness... I smiled to myself. I could still see her walking in here in only my shirt.

I soon got dressed and joined Gail for dinner. She still remained at Escala aiding to anything we all needed. She sometimes spent hours with Sera at the hospital for when I couldn't escape a meeting and had to attend.

'Christian...' Gail took me out of my thoughts.

'Yes...' I answered as I placed my finished plate in the sink and sipped some of my wine.

'I was cleaning Sera's room this morning, and I found this envelope addressed to you and Mrs. Grey on the floor, under Sera's desk...'

'Thanks...' I smiled as I took it from her hands. It felt a bit thick in my hand... '_Was this a letter?'_ I thought to myself. 'Gail, do you mind if you place my daughter's clean clothes in the bag please?' I asked before heading to what ones was my daughter's room.

'Yes... Sure...' She smiled lightly.

* * *

I opened the door, and it pained me seeing an empty room. She usually would be up here, either studying, listening to music, painting, reading… or dancing to some modern music. It was always Ana's way of giving our daughter new perspectives. I always loved classical music, and never tried listening to new stuff, unless I encountered them on the radio while heading to work. Ana, on the other hand, was always up to date with things. She had a playlist on her iPod that was updated each and every month. Sera, on the other hand, was exactly like me, but she used to try new things with Ana…

I overlooked to my side and on the floor were her pointe shoes, placed in perfect order. I picked it up and brought back memories of when she started it.

* * *

**Flashback 2008**

'_Daddy!' Jason came running and jumping on me. 'Look what mummy got me today!'_

'_Let me see honey!'I encouraged him while he showed me his new pair of black shoes. He always loved being elegant since he was very young. _

'_Do you like it daddy?'_

'_I love it baby boy! Now you are exactly like me!' I joked._

'_No! I don't have a big nose daddy!'_

'_I have a big nose?'_

'_Not that big… but it's not small as mine…' He joked while I tickled him, and Ana joined us._

'_Are you teasing your father Jason?'_

'_Noooo…' He replied slowly._

'_He just told me I have a big nose!' I told her with a pout on my face._

'_Let me see…' She amused Jason. 'Mhmm… I think he's right!' She joked while he laughed his guts out. _

'_Where's Sera? She's the only one that doesn't tease me on my nose…' I pouted playfully._

'_She's in the living room... dancing…' Ana replied as she took Jason from my arms… 'She's been falling all day…'_

'_Is she ok?' I asked worriedly. I knew my daughter's balance issues. I never understood how she could stand on pointe without falling but she could fall while walking. _

'_She's ok. She's trying the pirouettes, Christian.' She smiled. 'What do you say we'll help your sister Jason?'_

'_Yesss! I love seeing her dance!' _

'…_watching… not seeing Jason.' I corrected_

'_Ok… watching…' He said again. 'Daddy, can I dance like Sera?'_

'_Of course honey!' Ana smiled. 'Next lesson, we'll ask Madame and we'll see what she tells us.'_

'_I want ballet not Madame!' He insisted again while both Ana and I cracked into laughter._

'_Dear, Madame is the teacher. In ballet, it is not Ms., but you have to call her Madame.'_

'_Ohhh! This is so confusing!' He said again._

* * *

_She barely noticed we were there. She kept trying and trying, and she kept falling before she landed her move. I saw frustration creeping onto her face, but she still stood up again and kept did it over again. I saw her focusing on the vase in front of her. She went back on pointe and took her position; she extended her leg forward and tried again. I realized she was going to fall again, I moved forward to her holding her from her arm before she fell on the table._

'_Sera! Easy!' I scolded._

'_Sorry dad…but I have to get this…'_

'_You will… just take it easy! You were about to get hurt…'_

'_I'm not good at this…' She admitted as she sat down on the floor while Ana and Jason moved to the couch and started playing._

'_Hey!' I started again as I removed my suit jacket. 'I'll help you out…' I smiled._

'_You?'_

'_Yeah… Aunt Mia used to take ballet lessons, and she taught me how to spot her… I do remember some things.' I smiled as I held out my hand for her to take it._

**End of Flashback**

* * *

I smiled at the thought. She was so full of life in her own ways. I moved towards her wall unit and get her a reading book. She had already read 10 books since she's been in hospital. I had to buy her some new ones these days. She was about to read her bucket list of books. I opened her wall unit and was intimidated by the extreme organization. Her books were aligned exactly in order. I realized they were alphabetically order and by size. There was nothing out of order. I always loved organization… I always wanted perfection myself… I always nagged to both my kids to keep their rooms tidy… but this… this was beyond what I expected. I was almost afraid of touching anything. I choose Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes, as the greatest novel of all times, about a gentle knight and his servant Sancho Panza that has entranced readers for centuries. It was one of my favourites. As I was about to close the wall unit, I realized that one of her chemistry books wasn't tightly closed as all the others. I took it out and from it, two cd's fell from it. I picked them up, and as I was about to put it back in place, I realized that there was a notebook. I moved all the books and took it out with along with the box underneath it. I realized that she had more than one hiding place. Flynn had warned us long before…

I took everything out and placed them on her bed. I looked towards the CD's, wondering what could possibly be on there. I quickly went to her laptop bag, and switched on her MacBook. I always had a thing for apple technology, and made sure that my family had the best of best. I switched it on and placed it on her desk, but soon I was asked for the password. What could it possibly be? I knew she wouldn't have made it an easy guess. She was exactly like me in that aspect. I opened her drawers hoping that she would have written it somewhere, but it was no luck, as there was nothing there. I moved to her bedside cabinet, but there was nothing as well. I sat down and started brain storming. We knew that people rarely noticed things that are right in front of their eyes. We both knew how it all worked… I kept thinking… The most important thing to her was Jason… I typed Jason, but it still didn't match. I was starting to give up after a couple more tries… but then I realized. There was a photo of us on her desk… a photo of us as a family. I grabbed it slowly, and opened it from the back. A small key fell from it, and on it, there was a series of letters and numbers. I started typing them '13Ja0918Ch8310An89' I realized that they were dates. It was Jason's death… followed by my birthday and Ana's birthday, and instead of the months, it was our initials. I smiled at her formulation. She made sure that we were with her always. I pressed the enter button hastily, and soon the machine took me to the desktop background. I smiled at it. She made a collage of us all. I took out one of her CD's and put it inside, and soon it started playing. I rested my back to the chair and it shocked at what I was looking… and listening…

* * *

'_Hi… I'm Sera Grey…' _She started, as I saw her looking to her sides. In the background there was shouting and fighting… I realized it was Ana and I. _'I'm sorry about that… This is my first video diary… I'm not used to making these… Ok… so let me start… Those that you are hearing are my parents having one of their freaking arguments. Before you ask Bert, yes this happens very very often… _

_The worst thing that happened today was that my father just said that if I die… he won't spend much on a coffin… the best thing that happened today… I lost 10 pounds in total…' _She continued.

'WHAT THE FUCK ANA! YOU CANNOT JUST DO THAT!'

'Watch me Christian…'

'_Um… I better go… these are supposed to be quiet… for now I'll write… Bye'_

* * *

I kept staring at the video, and pressed replay… I couldn't believe that it was us in the background. I knew our fights weren't quiet… but not this much. I decided to stop the video and play the second CD. This time, it was a folder. I opened it hoping to see some school things, but I didn't know what to expect, however I was for sure not hoping for what I was about to see.

* * *

I opened the folder, and there were photos. The folder was named 'Journey to Perfection'. I started viewing picture by picture. It started with her old weight. She used to be a healthy 120 pound girl, I moved to the next, and the numbers started decreasing… 110, 96, 85… There were pictures of her legs… her abdomen… her arms… The difference was noticeable… her ribs were already showing at 85, her face already was starting to shrink. I viewed the next photos, and soon brutal cuts were shown on the screen. I pressed the next button, and a bloodied arm was present. I held my lips pursed and made a quick move to the bin. I threw up violently. I wouldn't have been so much affected by cuts and blood… but this was my daughter… I couldn't help it… all the pain she had endured… all the emotional pain she tried to impose as physical pain… I hadn't noticed anything. I hadn't had the minimal idea of what she was doing to herself. This wasn't just a random person… this was my own flesh and blood… I moved forward to the laptop, and closed off the folder. There had to be more than that on her laptop. I decided to look through things… through her files… I opened up her internet site and visited her favourites and bookmarks. I finally had my answer on where she had obtained her diet pill remedies and such. I surfed through her account and her purchase history was quite shocking… especially for a 17 year old. I looked at the key, and realized that it had to fit into somewhere. I opened up the box, and found the remaining blades… bloodied tissues… and extra laxatives… but there was another key… I looked around searching for a lock, and it came into mind. I went to the drawers, and there was only one that was locked. I opened it and again was shocked. There were drawings… calligraphy writing… they were all depressing… photos of her stuck on animals… her face cut with a cross… I turned one picture and the word 'die' shocked me to the core. I took everything out and placed them with the other stuff I found. How blind could I have been? This was going on in my own house… under my own roof… and I didn't notice. While I was at it, I searched in every drawer, and found more laxatives and diet pills that Ana and I hadn't found that night. After seeing all of that, I could only assume what was in the envelope. I grabbed it in my hand and tore the opening… I took out three papers out of it… I started reading… but soon had to sit down…

* * *

_Dear Mum, and Dad,_

_I can't stand to live anymore,  
I just want to die and end it all.  
The pain of living is just the start…  
I'm sorry I'm breaking your heart…  
It started with hate, but not it's little too late…  
My life is a mess… and I can only confess,  
that inside it hurts none the less…  
I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused…  
But in the end, it will be ok, because this is the only way…  
I'm sorry for worrying you…  
I'm sorry for distressing you...  
Mum, it saddens me to see you cry,  
You're the one who helped me get by…  
Dad, you taught me to walk,  
you taught me to talk,  
and I am grateful for the time I managed to get…  
I'm sorry I never showed you I cared…  
But inside, I was always a daddy's girl…  
All I want to say… is 'I love you'  
But I know that's not enough…  
All I want to do is die…  
So I guess, this is my goodbye…  
_

* * *

I kept staring at the paper… This was a suicide note… This was already written and planned… She was going to kill herself. I couldn't keep my tears at bay anymore. I kept thinking… she was too depressed that she wanted to end her life… and all this pain… and yet… nobody realized anything… I turned the page and realized there was a letter.

* * *

_Mum, Dad…_

_I… I didn't quite plan on this… but the thoughts… the feelings… they were too strong… they are too strong… I feel like I need to release all this pain inside me… It's like I have this war going on inside of me, and I can't end it… except one way… I didn't write the poem…. I was reading one time… and realized that it was exactly how I felt… I changed some parts to adapt it to me… but this is now me telling you how I feel._

_I guess… if you found this… and you're reading this… I'm already not here… I'm already dead… (Thank Heavens!)… Mum, I'm sorry… especially to you… you have tried… I know life hasn't been easy on you… and neither on you dad… I'm very sorry… I love you both, I'm so sorry I decided to end my life, but I couldn't handle it anymore… _

_Daddy, I'm sorry that I defied you multiple of times… I'm sorry that I made you built that anger in you… enough anger to make you say that I lost my title as your daughter when I defied you… I'm sorry… I've always looked up to you… I've always wanted to be like you… but I guess… I wasn't good enough… I'm sorry I was never a good enough of a daughter to you, that you never believed in me, that I made you hold back on your things, that I'm not as successful as you are... Well I guess you were right. I'm a failure in life. I know you thought I was fine, and I don't blame you for not seeing signs, because I showed none with you… and with nobody… I hid everything, I learned not to show sings… played with being happy. And you believed me, I played the role well, ate, or so you thought, smiled, laughed, and stopped getting scars on my arms. How were you supposed to know I started cutting my thighs and stomach? That I starved myself and broke down every night? That I woke up every morning wanting to die?_

_I'm sorry for being the reason you have marriage problems. I'm sorry you have to fight about me… but now you can live your lives in peace… I am hoping I am with Jason… _

_I'm sorry if I made you feel worthless… I'm sorry whenever I took your time… I'm sorry for everything… _

_Please… However… don't forget one thing… I love you… I've always loved you… both of you… and if I could wish for something… I would wish for us to be happy again… like we were when Jason was here… like we were when I was still a kid… I still remember all those times we used to be together as a family… but now I've given up… I've given up on life… on myself… on us… _

_I love you mum and dad… Always…_

* * *

It tore my heart out. She wanted to die… She wrote this note, and it was dated 12th March… She knew when she was going to do this… she had everything prepared… I was almost relieved that she had the cardiac arrest when she had it… she couldn't end her life this way… I closed it off and placed it back into the envelope. I had to show these to John… He'll know exactly how to handle this… I have to make her want to live again… I have to make her see that we can be a family again… I want us to be a family again. I realized how much toll this had taken on her…

It then came to mind. We were going to find our daughter dead in her room… how was she going to kill herself? Overdose? Bleeding to death? All horrific images of her lying lifeless came to mind… I lied down on her bed and cried… I never felt this broken since Ana wanted to leave me… my daughter was scared of me…

My blackberry soon started buzzing… I looked at the caller, and realized it was Flynn.

'Christian…' I started.

'_Christian… are you ok?' He asked already sensing something._

'No… I'm not…' I replied.

'_What is it?'_

'I took your advice… I searched in my daughter's room… John… she left a suicide note… there are CD's with horrifying pictures of her… self-harm…' I chocked. '…all kinds of pills… and the worst… I didn't notice anything… I noticed out of coincidence…'

'_Christian… you knew this could happen… we have to face the reality…'_

'John! This is not reality… this is my daughter we're talking about…'

'… _yes… and she had been abused… felt abandoned by both of you… it was her way of coping…' He explained. 'Could you bring me the note and whatever you found that I can assess? It can help me understand her better…' He suggested._

'Yeah… sure…' I replied again. 'Is she ok?'

'_She's asking for you Christian…'_

'I'll soon be there…'

* * *

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	73. Chapter 72

**Christian's POV**

_The day that I became a man… the day I became someone inside… the day that I wasn't only a Mr. Grey… but now I was going to have a wife… a beautiful loving wife, that changed me… made me a better man. _

_We were on the altar about to make our vows to each other. I kept staring at her face. I kept looking deeply into her eyes. I know what I felt towards Ana. I finally learned what true love meant. I started saying my vows…_

'_I solemnly vow that I will safeguard and hold dear and deep in my heart our union and you.  
I promise to love you faithfully, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad, in sickness or in health, regardless of where life takes us.  
I will protect you, trust you, and respect you.  
I will share your joys and sorrows and comfort you in times of need.  
I promise to cherish you and uphold your hopes and dreams and keep you safe at my side.  
All that is mine is now yours.  
I give you my hand, my heart, and my love from this moment on for as long as be both shall live.'  
_

_She smiled, and I could see clear tears of joy coming from her eyes. She held my hand tighter, and she started telling me her vows._

'_I give you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, to stand by your side in good times and in bad, to share your joy as well as your sorrow.  
I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals and dreams, to honour and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to share my hopes and dreams with you, and bring you solace in times of need.  
And to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.'  
_

_We sealed our love with a kiss after exchanging rings. I was finally hers, and she was finally mine. Nobody could take us away from each other. We became one…_

* * *

_Soon the scene changed. I saw us dancing in our wedding. I saw us holding each other tightly together. I picked her up bridal style and exited the hall to our wedding car that took us straight to the yacht, were we spent our honeymoon. Everything seemed to go on fast-forward. Soon the scene changed again, and we were in our bedroom at Escala._

* * *

'_Ana? Are you ok? You've been in there for almost half an hour!' I asked her from behind the bathroom door._

'_Yes Christian. Don't come in… I have a surprise for you…' She replied. I could hear sheer happiness in her voice._

'_Ok... But don't take long… now that you've got me all worked up on the surprise.' I replied sexily._

'_You won't regret it baby… Trust me…' she advised. 'Go to our bed and close your eyes.' She ordered._

'_Are you ordering me Mrs. Grey?'_

'_Why yes Mr. Grey!' She replied again. 'Are you complying?'_

'_Ok… ok… don't get all worked up Mrs. Grey!' I replied again in a hoarse voice, as I moved to the bed and did as I was told which wasn't to my normality… but for Ana, I'd do anything…. _

'_Are you on the bed?' She asked again._

'_Yes…'_

'_Your eyes closed?'_

'_Yes…' I said again. 'Please don't take any longer… I'm dying here!'_

'_Ok…' She replied as I heard the bathroom door open and heard her paces towards me. '… keep your eyes closed.' She whispered in my ear as she kissed me passionately, and I felt her placing a small box on my lap. 'Open your eyes now…' She smiled while I complied again. She was in front me in only her underwear. She caught me off guard. She would never do that unless I asked her to._

'_What's this for?' I asked her almost confused._

'_Open the box first…' She ordered again. I opened it as fast as I could, and in it, there was a baby's shirt. I turned the shirt towards me and read the words._

'_NO. #1 DADDY!' I read out loud. At first I didn't get it, but then I realized there was a stick in the bottom of the box. I picked it up and realized that there was a positive sign on the stick. I looked towards Ana astonishingly, with a huge smile on my face. I stood up still holding both the shirt and stick, and moved towards Ana. I couldn't find the words. I couldn't explain the happiness, but finally I asked. 'Are… are we pregnant?' I asked her excitedly._

'_Yes Christian! We are! I've 3 weeks pregnant already!' She said with a grin on her face. _

'_We're pregnant?' I asked again almost not believing the circumstance._

'_Yes Christian! We are!' She replied again. I moved closer towards her, and lifted her off the ground. I was the happiest man ever. We were going to finally have a child… finally have a kid… the house wouldn't be empty anymore. There was going to be someone to return our love… an Innocent love towards us._

'_Easy Christian!' She said again as I put her down on her feet and kissed her passionately. I placed my hand on her abdomen. I couldn't believe that inside my wife there was another life starting. Our love had finally produced an offspring. 'When are we due?'_

'_November… but I don't want us to tell anyone for now. I want to make sure that I don't miscarriage again before we tell anyone… we'll minimize disappointments…' She explained._

'_I agree…' I replied again._

'_Enjoy this view while you can Mr. Grey, because in few months, I won't be able to tie my shoes!' She said again as I lifted her off bridal style. _

'_Ohh, and I'll gladly do it for you Mrs. Grey!'_

* * *

_The scene soon changed again, to when Sera was born. I was the first one to hold her. Babies never made me tear up and all mushy inside, but she made me. I looked down towards her, and her tiny hands were reaching to my face. I placed my index finger into her little hands, and she grabbed it immediately. Her grip was soft. Her skin was flawless. I hugged her close to me… She was so small in my arms. I made a promise to myself that I will protect her from everything. Protect her from all the pain… from anything that would harm her…from anything that would hurt her…_

* * *

_I felt like I was viewing my life in fast-forward. Soon Sera grew up, and Jason's adoption was finalized. We managed to get him at only few months of age. We all welcomed him and loved him. Both Ana and I loved kids._

* * *

_Jason's death replayed in my mind. I saw him there lying lifeless… blood pouring from his head, forming a pool beneath him… taking away his life. Leila had also killed herself that night. She knew I wasn't leaving my family, and before the police got to her, she had already shot herself. Ana was crying her guts out, calling Jason out… we both were, hoping that he would wake up… but it was to no avail._

* * *

**Sera's POV**

I kept staring at the ceiling counting numbers…making all kinds of hypothesis and theories that lead to nowhere. The night was the longest time I could endure. There was nothing I could do. I had started reading the book that brought me, but after some time, I was feeling nauseated. I got up to a seating position, and from the bed-side cabinet, I brought a pencil and a plane paper. I made sure not to make any sounds. The least I wanted was waking up dad. He looked exhausted. He came back with red puffy eyes. I knew something had happened. From the window I could see him discuss things with Flynn. They were too deep into their conversation. I tried picking up what they were saying from lip reading… but I wasn't good as dad was in that aspect… so I decided to let it go… They would tell me if they wanted to… it was no use battling on it. I got back in bed and placed the book on my lap. I started drawing the first thing that came to mind. I drew a window with rain pouring outside, and a young girl sitting behind the window staring at the falling rain… A dog at her side, joining her, and a blazing fire place giving out the warmth in the room… I always loved the rain. It reminded me of myself of how I used to do that with Bert.

I looked towards dad. I realized that his sleep wasn't easy. There was something haunting his brain, filling it with brim and fright. Dad was never the best talker. I knew it… everybody knew it… I moved forward and covered him with his falling quilt.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

'_Sera…' I called from downstairs. 'Sera!' I tried again._

'_Maybe she's sleeping Christian…' Ana suggested._

'_She hasn't had any dinner Ana!' I replied again, as I started making my way to her room. I knocked the door gently, hoping to receive an answer, but I didn't. I walked in her room, but there was no one to be seen. I realized that her bathroom door was closed. I knocked gently, and called her again, but it was to no luck, because she didn't reply. I heard the water flowing, and called her again. I could feel it in my bones. Something wasn't right._

'_Sera… I'm coming in!' I tried again, but there was no response. This time I decided to take matters into my own hands. I opened the door, hoping to at least find my daughter sleeping in the tub… but instead… she was there… with the running water in the tub. Her arm was hanging from the edge of the tub, and a deep cut was visible. Blood was pouring from her arm. I made one swift move towards her, and closed the tap off. 'Sera! Sera!' I called again as I pulled her from the freezing cold water. 'ANA!' I shouted, while she came running into her room._

'_What is all this shou…' She started as she entered the bathroom finding me with my daughter lying lifeless in my arms._

* * *

I shot up from my sleep. I couldn't get myself to deal with my own night terrors.

'Dad…' I heard from my side. 'Are you alright?' She asked me.

I turned to face her. I realized she was already awake, and from her eyes, I could see that she hadn't got any sleep. I looked over to my watch at it read 2am.

'Dad?' She asked again.

'Yeah… I'm ok honey…' I replied as I stood up and went to the bathroom and washed my face. 'Why are you still up?' I asked her as I exited the bathroom with the towel in my hand, and switched on the lights.

'I… couldn't sleep daddy…' She admitted.

'Honey… you should try and get some… You need it…' I said again as I moved forward to her. I realized she was still holding the book and I had brought her. 'To sleep you need to stop reading…' I advised as I took the book from her hand. I realized there was a paper inside the book. I pulled it out and stared at it. 'Did you do this?' I asked her.

'Mhmm…' She replied. 'You can throw it away… It's not good…' She continued as she looked away.

'I love it…' I smiled.

'You do?' She asked astonished.

'It's simple… full of shading… perception… It's Renaissance and Baroque.' I smiled. 'A semi-circle with a tangent line here at the window. The light from the fire place emerging from one point…' I continued.

'Dad… you're reading way into it…'

'No sweet heart… you are not giving yourself enough credit…' I replied again. 'Can I keep it?' I asked her.

'Sure… if you want…' She said again avoiding my eyes. I placed it on the table and went forward to her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

'Penny for your thoughts…'

'What were you dreaming about dad?' She asked almost ashamed of herself. She truly had no self-esteem… no confidence what so ever… and what hurt the most was that she was almost afraid of me.

'I… don't quite remember peanut… It was all jumbled…' I replied again. '… I found your letter…' I finally said. John had told me that I had to confront her about it. We needed to talk about it, and it seemed to be the right time.

'What… What letter?' She chocked. Her heart monitor started to increase. I realized the question caused her stress.

'Hey… relax… I'm not angry with you… I … I just want to know why…'

'You read it?' She asked me.

'Yes… I did…' I replied again. '…but what I can't understand is how a young beautiful girl like you would resort to…'

'Cutting dad?' She confronted back. 'Say it…' She stated again as she looked down to her hands. 'I know you're ashamed of me… Look were you are… you're in the hospital with me… when I know you'd rather be doing something else on your nights. I've always been in the way dad… I … I never belong anywhere…'

'What do you mean?' I asked her gently as I cupped her face.

'Leave it… I don't want to talk about it…' She admitted.

'Sera… I know I haven't been easy on you… I realised my mistakes now… and I know there is probably so much anger built in you…'

'…anger?' She asked. 'Dad… anger doesn't even start with what I'm feeling! I want to tell you so many things… I want to just blurt out everything… pour my heart out to you… but I can't… I want to stop this… I want to stop this feeling… but I can't…' She cried. I pulled her to my chest and held her to me. She clung onto my neck not wanting to let go. I felt like I was her only life line.

'Shh baby girl…' I tried. Her body shook into my arms.

'I've tried dad… I promise you I really have tried… but I couldn't… I curse myself for that night… I should have never gone with Natalie… and look were that got me. I was fucking …..' She started. 'I tried getting him off me. I tried pushing him away… but he was too strong… He kept… he pushed… he slapped… he threw me as a rug…' She said again. I felt pain in my chest. My heart squeezed at what she was telling me. 'I promise I tried everything I could to make him stop… I even offered him money…' She continued.

'What happened then?' I asked her again. She had to get this off her chest.

'I remember… begging him to stop… he kept saying on… on how tight I was… and that I was better because I was a virgin… the more I pushed him away… the more he kept holding me tighter. He tried choking me… and I was hoping he won't stop, so I'll die at that moment. He just wanted to get me a bit tired. ' she said again. I felt anger in me, and feared for what was to come next. I knew a rape wasn't easy on anyone… I knew how it worked… I've seen it…

'Shhhh… you don't have to continue if you don't want to…' I told her again. I knew this was hard for her… but at least she was starting to talk.

'I dream about him every single night. I see him pushing himself… pleasuring himself… he kept thrusting hard. I resisted him dad… I did… I was hoping for him to end it fast… but no… he had other plans… he kept stopping and starting all over… sometimes I thought… why is it so bad? Why is this affecting me this much? I can't understand anything… I'm so confused…' She cried. 'I begged him to stop…I was hoping it would all end fast daddy… but it didn't… he kept calling me a whore… a bitch… I feel used… I am used… I hate myself…'

'Don't say that honey… it wasn't your fault…' I tried.

'It is dad… if I hadn't led him on… maybe it wouldn't have happened… maybe if I didn't…' She tried again. She started pushing me away. I tried holding her stronger. I knew that during these phases what one would need was comfort. She pushed me harder…

'Please… Let me go… let me go!' She begged me. I could see fear in her eyes. I let her go immediately. I realized she was having a panic attack. She started mumbling something… she kept begging and begging. I saw her scratching her fingers… pulling out skin… I feared for her. I pressed the emergency button, and soon a doctor and a nurse came in. I tried holding her down from doing any more damage to herself.

'What happened in here?' Mum asked as she entered the room.

'She… she started telling me about her rape… I was only holding her…' I replied. I feared that this was my fault.

'Dammit!' She replied, as she looked towards the monitor. She went forward and grabbed some medication.

'What are you giving her?' I asked her.

'It's a sedative Christian. It will help her.' She said again. 'Are you able to hold her down for me?' She asked again, while I kept looking at her. 'Christian!' She said again.

'Yeah…' I replied broken. _'Was she ever going to be ok?'_ I thought to myself while I held her down. My mother injected the valium, and soon her mumbling stopped, along with her scratching. She looked calm and peaceful.

'Christian…' My mother started again, as she rubbed my back. '…she told you about her rape?'

'Yeah…' I chocked.

'Christian… she's trusting you… she's opening up to you…'

'At what cost mum? Look at her!'

'Christian… I know this is hard… but you need to push her forward to talk to you…' She suggested again while I looked towards her.

'She looks peaceful…' I replied turning my gaze towards her.

'Let her rest… and you should also get some sleep son…' She smile while she kissed my forehead.

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	74. Chapter 73

**Few weeks later**

**John's POV**

It's been almost 4 weeks that Sera had been in hospital. Ana had fully made and finished her program, and she talked and dealt with her inner feelings and turmoil. There was so much anger she had endured that she never wanted to discuss with anyone, which brought her to do things she never quite wanted to start.

Christian, on the other hand, was seemingly looking as if he understood, but I knew that deep inside he still had a lot of questions, to both Ana and Sera. He couldn't bring himself to terms that he didn't notice his wife's addiction. He promised her to protect her and love her and yet, he couldn't protect her from herself. It was the same thing with Sera. Since Ana came back, the arguments started again. I tried keeping Sera at ears distance. The little stress from her family would set her off. They needed to work some issues, and they need to confront each other... But not in front of the kid...

There was so much in the poem and in the letter that raised more questions. There were so many things to analyze, and I must say she is not simple-minded. On contraire, she has a very complex one...

I helped her get ready while Christian and Ana went to sign some papers that social services asked them to… Sera's temporary custody was handed to me... I was glad that they accepted with little objections... It could have been worse... Christian could have taken the big guns with his too good lawyers.

Sera still looked very sick...she was still skin and bones. All she gained were 8 pounds. She was able to walk again... Or at least move herself to places... she wouldn't go on a hike... I doubt she can walk a 10 minute distance, but at least she could make her way to the bathroom doing her natural needs.

Seeing as she wasn't resisting treatment anymore, Grace, Carrick and I decided that she can be discharged and placed into my care. She was still not really talking. Since her parents went back together, she started falling behind again. I realized that it wasn't really that they had a marriage problem. It was more of a communication problem that they held.

I helped her get ready for her discharge. She kept avoiding my touch… avoiding my talks. I followed her every move. She kept placing everything in order, checking things over and over again. The rituals consumed her. I could see it wasn't easy for her. I decided to intervene. I moved forward to her and held her from her shoulders. I felt her tense up.

'Hey… don't worry…' I smiled while I waited for her to calm down. I turned her to face me and rubbed her arm up and down. 'Let me help you…' I said again.

'I … um… ok…' She replied again as she turned back and allowed me to place her things. 'What's happening with my parents?' She finally asked.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean… mum… seems better… but they're arguing… again…'

'They have some communication issues. You shouldn't worry about them…'

'How can I not Fl… John? They're my parents.' She confronted.

'Sera… what's really on your mind?' I asked her again.

'They don't want me John…' She admitted. 'They… they are sending me away… don't get me wrong… it's not that I don't like staying with you… if anything… you had been all welcoming… but…'

'Sweet heart…' I replied again as I stopped her from her brain storm. 'They are not sending you away. They love you, but before they help you, they need to help themselves…' I explained.

'Can't I help them? I'd do anything for them! Anything they need… anything they want me to be.'

'Sera, why do you need to please them?'

'John they're my parents! Aren't I supposed to be that?'

'No Sera… as a child you are supposed to be accepted as you are. You should never change for anyone…' I smiled again, as I closed her bag. 'I'm ready here… Did you get everything?'

'Mhmm…' She replied. 'John… can I ask you something?'

'Anything kiddo…'

'Do you promise that they will be what they used to be?'

'I cannot make that kind of a promise Sera… what I can promise you is that I will love you as if you were my own, and I will help you in overcoming this…' I replied as I cupped her face.

* * *

After making sure that we had everything, and Sera said her good byes to her parents, we started our way to home. She kept quiet, but finally she broke the ice.

* * *

'Look at those kids… they're running… playing… I wish I was still like them.'

'How does that make you feel Sera?'

'I don't know… I just want everything to slow down for a moment… It seems that everything goes into fast forward… There's no chance to just stop and take a minute…' She replied while I parked the car.

'Come with me…' I encouraged.

'Where?' She almost asked scared.

'To where I take my sons to relax…' I smiled while she got out of the car and I locked it. I held my hand out to her, but she didn't take it. She moved beside me, and I protectively held her close to me from her shoulders. We started walking and made our way to the countryside, and sat on one of the available benches.

'How long have you been feeling like this?'

'I don't know… since always I think…'

'Sera… I don't want to push you too far, but I want to make sure you are safe…' I started. 'It's going to be a little hard… I'm going to ask you some questions… Is it ok for you?'

'Yeah…' She replied as I saw her resting her head on the table.

'Sera… have you been having thoughts of hurting yourself?' I started while she nodded, not managing to answer me. 'Sera… you have to talk to me… I can't help you if you don't talk to me…'

'Sorry…' She admitted.

'Sera, when was the last time you managed to really sleep?'

'2 months ago… I can never fully sleep… I'm afraid to go to sleep…'

'What about you? How do you feel about yourself?'

'John…' She replied again as she got up and moved away from me.

'Sera… you need to confront your fears and come to terms with them. I'm not going to hurt you…'

'It's not that John…'

'Then what is it?' I replied again as I guided her on the cool grass. I removed my suit jacket and laid down on my back. I looked towards the sky, were clear clouds took away my thoughts. 'Come here Sera…' I asked her as I patted the grass behind me. She complied and joined me. 'Look at the clouds Sera… what do you observe in them?'

'They're white… clear… seem to be fluffy… soft and mellow… You know… dad and I used to have cloud marathons, trying to uncover their form. For example… that one looks like a mushroom…'

'…and that looks like a bunny…' I added.

'Mhmm… and that is… I think it looks like Shrek's dragon…'

'Shrek?' I asked her confused.

'Yeah… the green cartoon guy with the Princess Fiona… the ogre one…' She explained. 'The cartoon-soft toy, Derek kept pestering you on buying him.' She continued.

'Ohh… yes…' I replied again. 'You're smiling kiddo…' I noted.

'Yeah…' She replied. 'I know I always wish for the same thing over and over again… and probably that is my mistake… because I keep holding on to the same thing… but I really wish for mum and dad to get together again… you know… as they used to be…' She continued while she fixed her glasses. 'Sorry… I don't mean to bother you…' She tried getting up, while I held her from the palm of her hand.

'Stay… you're not bothering me…' I smiled. 'Sera, how do you feel about yourself?'

'I don't know… I just don't feel like keeping on trying… I don't feel like I matter to anyone… nothing matters to me anymore… not even myself… I'm a burden on everyone…'

'Is that why you self-harm? You feel the need of punishing yourself?'

'I don't know… it's… I feel alive with it… you know… when cold hits you in winter you shiver… you get that feeling that although you don't like the cold, you still love it… it's the same with… with cutting… only 10 times better…'

'So you do it for releasing turmoil and pain?'

'I think so…'

'How did you start?'

'I don't quite remember… It was actually by coincidence. I cut myself while I was helping Gail, and for a moment… I felt an adrenaline rush… I felt better…'

'… and then?'

'I started doing it whenever… things got too much… I sometimes did it out of needing to release stress… then… I felt the need to cut every single day… just like an addiction.'

'I read the letter…' I stated while I saw her look away.

'You know… I had it all planned out… I felt calm that day… I knew exactly what I was going to do… but my own body betrayed me… I'm actually disappointed I didn't die…'

'You still want to die?' I asked her again.

'I don't feel anything anymore John… I'm tired of living… I've tried opening up… but it doesn't work…'

'Sera, if you keep on believing that it doesn't work… it won't work… you need to believe in yourself?'

'John… there's nothing left for me to hope for… to fight for…'

'Of course you have…'

'What do I have John? A family that keeps on nagging about the past? A family that keeps fighting over and over again? Mum is now jealous because she saw dad and me a bit closer… you can't win with the John… I try fixing up things with someone and hell breaks loose with the other… what am I supposed to do? Divide myself in half? Develop two personalities? What am I supposed to do? Tell me… and I'll do it!'

'Sera… your parent's conflicts are not your fault… They are grown-ups and are able to work on things themselves. You don't have to blame yourself for them… If anything they should be the ones hovering over you!' I explained. 'Sera, I need you to promise me something… I need you to promise me, that you are not going to attempt killing yourself…'

'I can't John… I think about it every single day… Do you know how many ways I've imagined? I thought on swallowing bleach… I thought on shoving a knife somewhere… or cut my wrists… or overdose… anything would have worked… when I made the decision, I felt… happy… relieved to be exact… I knew the pain was going to end…' She replied as she looked at me. '… But now… I'm afraid…'

'Of what?' I asked again.

'I feel empty… and I realized… that although I want to die… I still would like to get rid of these feelings…' She said again. 'Please… don't let me die… I don't want to die… not like this…' She begged me.

'I won't let you die… I promise you…' I replied again as I held her close to my chest. 'I love you kiddo… Don't give up!' I encouraged her. 'However… there is one last thing I want to clarify with you kiddo…' I continued. 'When we arrive home, I want you to give me all your blades… laxatives… any diet pills that you may still have. I know that you didn't hide your stash in only those places… We went to your home to bring what you need. For sure you brought something else with you…' I said again while she looked away. 'Sera… I'm giving you the chance to come clean… I'm still going to search your room and things myself… but I want to be able to trust you…' I said again as I held her tighter to me.

'Don't you trust me?'

'I trust you… I trust Sera… I don't trust what's in you…' I continued. 'What's it going to be Sera? You need to be honest with me… I told you since the start that I have to invade your privacy as much as I can…'

'Ok…ok… I'll do it…' She replied while I felt her relax into my embrace.

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	75. Chapter 74

**John's POV**

* * *

'_I don't know… I just don't feel like keeping on trying… I don't feel like I matter to anyone… nothing matters to me anymore… not even myself… I'm a burden on everyone…'_

* * *

Her words kept replaying in my head. I looked towards her for a second before I set my eyes back to the road. It made me smile. She was exhausted and finally she seemed to be having a normal sleep. The only times I've always seen her to rest is after exhaustion. She'd have a dreamless night, and at least she got a maximum of a whole 3 hour sleep. As the lights turned colour, giving me sign that I had to stop for pedestrians to cross the road, I removed her glasses and made sure that her seatbelt was tight. Least I wanted was having a break and I see her fly to windscreen. I remembered it's the same thing I do to Derek when he sits in front and sleeps… I smiled… I loved her as if she was mine… I still have the vivid image of her when she was younger. Back when Rhian and I were trying for kids, we used to take her out… she used to running towards me and wouldn't let me go. Christian and Ana used to invite us quite a lot… I still remember her calling me 'Uncle'. I miss that title from her. She changed a lot.

Then we had Derek, and he was like her little brother. She used to pamper both Jason and Derek… she was like the big sister… I sometimes questioned myself on what happened with the Grey's… Jason took its toll on all of them…

* * *

'_I don't know… it's… I feel alive with it… you know… when cold hits you in winter you shiver… you get that feeling that although you don't like the cold, you still love it… it's the same with… with cutting… only 10 times better…'_

'_I'm actually disappointed I didn't die…'_

* * *

I took the next turn, and continued our way home. I kept thinking… for her cutting was like an addiction… Her will to… to die… is too strong… she used to me more lively… she used to be a light… now she's in this very deep dark place… I have to make her want to live… I need to make her see that there is a better life than what she's seeing. I made her a promise… I have to fulfil it.

I parked the car in our drive-way and stopped the car. I saw Rhian from the kitchen window, and waved at her. I saw her called Derek and Walter from her lip reading. I overlooked the passenger beside me, and didn't feel like waking her up. It was her first sleep since she's been in my care… I got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat. I picked her up. There was nothing of her in my arms. She was lighter than Derek… That rang bells… I felt my heart squeeze… The damage she was doing to herself… and the worst part… she couldn't see it…

I opened the door only to find my two sons running towards me with Rhian standing at the end of the corridor smiling at us.

'Daddyyyy!' The boys shouted.

'Shhh… Don't shout…' I told them slowly. 'Sera's sleeping…'

'She looks like a baby!' Walter noted.

'Well… you know what Walter? She'll be living with us for some time…' I smiled.

'Is she ok John?' Rhian asked worriedly.

'I'll take her to bed… She needs to rest… We'll talk later…' I replied as I kissed her on the lips and made my way upstairs. Walter followed me, and while I took her shoes off, and covered her with the covers, I saw him getting worried.

'What's wrong big guy?' I whispered.

'Sera usually hugs me, and … and… smiles at me… and plays with me… Doesn't she love me anymore?' He asked saddened.

'Why are you saying that honey?' I asked again as I moved forward to him and went down to his level.

'…because she didn't do that today…'

'Honey… Sera loves you very much… she was very tired …. And she needed to sleep…'

'Can I stay?' He asked hopefully

'Of course you can honey… but don't wake her up…' I advised him.

'What if she wakes up?'

'Then come down or else play… Whatever you two like big guy…' I replied while I ruffled his hair. He moved forward to me and hugged me tight. I caught him in mid-air and kissed his cheek. I took him into my embrace and didn't want that moment to end. I realized that both my sons were growing up too fast… I wished to stop time and have them like that forever.

'I love you daddy!'

'I love you too Wills!' I smiled.

'How is she?' Rhian started while I helped her out with the dishes.

'I don't know… She's trying to talk… but she's finding it hard…'

'Where's Walter?'

'I left him with her…'

'You know he'll wake her up… right?' She smiled. 'He's been jumpy all morning… if it was for him, he wouldn't have gone to school today…'

'He loves her…'

'I'll go up and check on them…' She smiled. 'You mind checking the chicken in the oven?'

'Sure…' I smiled.

'Daddy… Can you help me with this?' Derek asked as he brought his word search. 'I can't find the last two words…'

'Sure honey… just a minute.'

* * *

**Rhian's POV**

I could hear my son's talking from the corridor. He made the best conversations ever. He could the sun on a rainy day… He knew how to bring on a smile to my face whenever I felt down. He was exactly like John for that matter. He knew what made me happy, and some TLC from Walter, always made me feel loved.

'…and this kid at school kept pushing me, and told me that I'm not that good in anything… Is it true Sera?'

'Well… I must say the kid is very wrong baby boy…You are the most amazing person I know… and you want to know a secret?'

'Mhmm…I know how to keep secrets… for example last time my mum put au.. aubugering…'

'…aubergine?'

'Yes… that…' He said again. 'Mum put aubergine in Derek's dinner, and he ate it anyways… because usually he says that he doesn't like it… but he still ate it…' He said again. '…and now it's not a secret anymore… mum won't be happy about this!'

'Don't worry kiddo, your secret is safe with me honey.'

'Tell me the secret! Tell me the secret!'

'Well, Walter… I love you very much… and…' she continued as I heard her whispering. 'You are my favourite…'

'Sera... can I ask you something?'

'Sure munchkin'…'

'Do I remind you of Jason? Last time I heard mum and dad talking and they told me that you had a brother once…' I heard him ask. I thought that it was a good time on taking my queue.

'Um…' She started.

'Walter… your father and I told you not to wake up Sera…' I said as I moved forward and joined them on the floor. '…and you have a bed… and a chair… why are you two sitting on the ground?'

'…because mummy, we're playing…' He smiled as he kissed my cheek.

'It's fine Rhian… I love this little guy…'

'…and what is this that I hear about someone picking on you at school? How long has this been going on Walter?'

'Well, for almost a month… last time he took my pencil, the day before he took my lunch, and last time he said that I was a baby and all the class was laughing at me…'

'Why didn't you say something to me or your father?'

'…because Derek saw him, and he told me that I have to tell the teacher…'

'Did you tell your teacher?'

'Yes… but he told me that if I tell the teacher again he will tear my homework next time…' He replied again as he clung to Sera's neck.

'Come here little guy…' she told him as she hugged him and let him sit on her lap.

'John? Can you come up here for a minute?' I called him from upstairs. This needed to be discussed, and the worst part is that Walter didn't talk to us about it.

'What is it Rhian?' He replied as he joined us.

'We have a problem… Walter is being picked up on at school…' I explained.

'Walter… why haven't you said anything?'

'…because daddy! I thought I can handle him alone…'

'…and how long has this been going on?'

'…a month… I think…'

'He told the teacher but this kid threatened him…' I explained to John.

'Walter, honey… your mother and I need a name…'

'…but daddy…'

'Walter… we need to come down to the school and talk to the principal…' He explained. 'You cannot keep this for yourself honey…'

'…but daddy…'

'Honey this kid will only keep hurting you… he probably has problems himself… who bullies feels that he needs to control and he takes advantage on others.' I explained. 'We can ask Derek if you don't tell us!'

'Ok… ok…' He replied. 'You see Sera! This is how my parents always win!' He replied, while we smiled. 'He's Kayden…'

'Kayden… the blonde kid?' I asked.

'Mhmm…'

'Ok…'

'I'll call the school. Tomorrow we'll come down and have a little talk with the principal.' John added. '…but you have to promise me kiddo, that you will never keep anything from us every again...'

'I promise daddy…' He smiled. 'Did I do the wrong thing on telling Sera?'

'No honey you didn't… Sera is part of our family now…' John finished, while he kissed both of their foreheads.

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	76. Chapter 75

This is dedicated to kiwijoeelle :) Thanks for all your reviews, support and motivation! :D (and for the food fight idea :) )...

and to Grey Steele fan and JulesTaylor for your amazing reviews, motivation and support as well :D...

* * *

**Sera's POV**

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: How are you?  
Date: March 2nd 2014 18.43  
To: Sera

Hey peanut… how are you doing? Is everything ok? You haven't texted your mother and neither me.

Christian Grey,  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: Sorry…  
Date: March 2nd 2014 18.45  
To: Dad

I'm ok… Slept during the drive… I'm sorry… but you _**BOTH**_ were on my mind… I was going to call later… Is mum ok?'

Me

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: Glad you're ok  
Date: March 2nd 2014 18.47  
To: Sera

Your mother said hi :) ... We're missing you here… Call when you have some time… I love you peanut… xx :)

Christian Grey,  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

* * *

'Sera?' John asked while he stood at the doorway. 'We need to talk…' He stated.

'Um… I'm only unpacking…'

'I know… but remember what we talked about earlier?' He asked again while he moved forward.

'Um…' I replied almost scared of him.

'Let's cut the chase…' He said gently. 'You have 20 minutes to bring me everything… I will still search here… so don't think about hiding anything… I'm trusting you, and allowing you your privacy…' He said again while he smiled, while he handed me a small box. 'Put them here…' He said again as he made his way toward the door, and left me to my confines.

* * *

'_Why did he have to do this?' I thought to myself almost in tears… those were my things… I needed them… and he's taking away everything… Damn… I wish I'm at home…_

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: Smileys? Since when? :O  
Date: March 2nd 2014 18.55  
To: Dad

I miss you too dad… I do too daddy… even mum… Give my love to Gail and Taylor… I have to go for now… Flynn… well… guess you know… he wants some things…

Sera…

* * *

I went towards my luggage and from one zipper I started taking things out. I felt my heart going out with them. I needed those remedies… I know I'm fat… I know I'm ugly. Soon another vibrate from my phone brought me out of my thoughts.

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: You need it…  
Date: March 2nd 2014 18.59  
To: Sera

I use smileys since I have a teenage daughter using all the colloquial things over the servers… and I am an up to date father… aren't I? :p

Honey you need it… you need to get better… We're doing this for your own good. Your mum told you not to stay up late… and this is from both of us… E.A.T! Please!

Christian Grey,  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: Yeah… ok…  
Date: March 2nd 2014 18.52  
To: Dad

Yeah right dad… you up to date? You're the most conservative person I know! You hate change! An example of such is your signature with these e-mails. I know you are Christian Grey CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. Can't you change it to a warm one at least with me?

On a lighter note… you have some humour again daddy…:) …

Tell her not to worry… I'm fine… I really have to go… Flynn gave me 20 minutes…

As uncle Elliot say… 'Laters'… Wait… I get it now! Forget it dad… I'll just stick with the 'I'll e-mail you later' line…

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: About time eh! **Blondie** :p  
Date: March 2nd 2014 18.55  
To: Sera

I've always told you that you've inherited some blondeness from my sister! :p

Of course I have humour… I'm not some strange guy from behind mountains! (Don't tell your mother that… She doesn't agree at times…)

Sera… I'm serious now! E.A.T! please! I don't want to see you in a hospital again! You need to get better… you need to gain your strength back… I miss my old daughter…

I'm banging my head against the wall Sera! Seriously? Now you get it? :O your mother is laughing her guts out :p (me too by the way…)

Dad xxx (you see I changed it for you :) xxx) Your mother also sent her love and kisses … :)

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: Glad I entertained you…  
Date: Mach 2nd March 18.59  
To: Dad

Laugh while you can parents… now I get it where the saying 'once a man twice a child' comes from…

Ok, you challenged me and you won… but I bet you wouldn't last a day…

I really have to go now… I'll talk later… I'm switching off Data Connection, so please DON'T GET ALL WORKED UP OVER NOTHING!

Sera… (I'll call later)

* * *

I switched off the data connection from the settings and returned back to my tasks. I felt my heart ripping out… I knew they were just things… but… they made me… they justified me… I wanted to get better… I wanted to be how I used to be… but I don't want to gain weight… I don't want to get fat… I'm ugly…

I looked around and realised that the window was left online. I could only try… he was going to search the room anyways. I opened the window and left a small box on the windowsill. I popped few pills and hid them in a small bag in my shoes. _'He wouldn't look in there…' I thought to myself._ As I thought I was ready, I made my way to downstairs, but he stopped me to a halt from his office.

**John's POV**

'Sera…' I smiled as I moved forward, and looked her straight in the eye. 'I believe you have something for me?'

'Um… you have everything…' She replied as she handed me the box. I knew that wasn't all in the box. She wouldn't have come this clean and in 20 minutes.

'Come Sera.' I replied again as I guided her from her shoulders as we moved towards my desk and placed the box on it. I started taking out everything. I was actually shocked to see all the remedies she used. They weren't things to joke around. All had serious implications… all were dangerous to use on their own. 'Sera… do you have everything in here?'

'Yes…' She replied quickly. I knew she wasn't saying the whole truth.

'So… if I go to your room. I won't find anything… will I not?'

'Um… no you won't…'

'Are you sure Sera?'

'Yes…'

'Ok then… let's go and see… Shall we?'

* * *

She was watching me intently. I knew she hid something. I knew how this worked. I've seen this in the eating disorders unit. They all work the same… and it's not their fault… the illness changed tactics controlling them instead. I kept seeing her eyes darting to everywhere. I opened the window and there they were… the common place all girls think of hiding things… I brought them in and placed them on her bed. I saw her get more panicky. I checked under her mattress, and a sheet of laxatives was there. Christian had mentioned to me that she had suppositories… those were the only things missing.

'Sera… can you please empty your pockets?' I asked her gently.

'They're already empty…' She replied too quickly.

'Sera… I can either empty them myself or you can do it… it's your choice… either way you're going to empty them…' I replied again as I moved forward to her and she made two paces back. I stopped in my tracks and crossed my arm. 'Sera… it wouldn't be comfortable for you if I empty them myself… So I'd suggest you'd get this over and done with…' I replied again. I couldn't give in to her negotiations. 'Sera… I'm counting to three…' I said again. She took her hand in her side pocket and took out a small paper bag. She handed it to me. 'The other one too please…' I advised. She obliged immediately, and took out the last things she had left. I took them in my hands and placed them with the other stuff.

'I'm sorry…' She said while she held her head down in shame. 'I betrayed your trust…'

I moved forward to her took her into my embrace. 'Shh… I know it wasn't easy… but you took things out of your pocket without having me to take them out sweetheart…' I said again. 'We have the last thing to do… I'm going to throw out every single thing… Ok?'

'Ok…' She replied slowly. Her reply made my eye itch… There was something she wasn't saying.

'Just ok? You've giving this up in an instant?' I replied as I looked her into the eye. 'I'm throwing up everything and you are just saying 'ok'?' I confronted.

'What do you expect me to say Flynn? That I don't want you to throw these away? That you're ruining everything?' she said as she moved backwards and crumbled to the ground. 'You're ruining everything… you've taken away everything from me.'

My heart squeezed at her words. She couldn't realise the damage… the dangers… I moved forwards to her and went beside her. I held her close to me. I rocked her gently.

'You've taken my control away Flynn…' She finally said.

'I know… Sera… as I told you last time… you're used to everyone giving up on you… and let you have your own way… not with me… not under my roof Sera… Baby girl… you need to get better…and the only way we can do this is by breaking the ice slowly… we have to start by these…' I explained. 'I promise I won't ever leave you alone…'

'You promise?'

'Of course I do… Sera, do you remember what you asked me to promise you back when you were seven?' I asked her as I held her closer to me.

'No…'

'Well… I do…' I replied. 'We were having a picnic… remember? … and everybody was there…'

'Yeah…' She smiled. '…that was the happiest time of my life…' She continued. 'I remember… Uncle Elliott kept teasing me continuously… and then I dropped juice on him… on purpose…' She chuckled. 'I remember… that day everybody was confined to himself… nobody noticed I was there… they were all hovering over Jason and Derek…'

'…and do you remember what happened afterwards?'

'Yeah… we had a food fight… I remember I went hiding behind a tree… I didn't want to get all dirty…' She said again as I felt her relax in my embrace. '…then I went walking alone… I remember I got lost…'

'Yeah… I remember your parents were worried sick…' I added. 'We split up and looked for you…'

'…and then you found me…'

'Do you remember what you told me when I found you?' I asked her, while she nodded in disagreement. 'Well… I do… I lifted you up and hugged you tight to me… and you told me that you were afraid. I then asked you why you left… and you told me that you felt alone and that no one paid attention to you… that everyone loved Jason more than you…and that you felt alone…'

'I feel guilty for thinking that… He's not here anymore now… and it's my fault…'

'No it's not Sera… you didn't shot your brother… and besides… sibling rivalry only makes your bond stronger…' I continued. '… Do you remember what I told you?'

'No…'

'I told you that I would never leave you alone… because I love you always… even if you have 100's and 1000's of brothers and sisters… you will always be my favourite…' I explained. 'I'm keeping my promise… You can be 30 for me… I will always love you and never leave you alone… Sera… we share a bond between us… I'm not only your therapist… I'm not only your psychiatrist…and neither Rhian is… you are family to us…' I said again as I kissed her forehead.

'You mean it?'

'Yes ladybug… Even Walter and Derek! They love you as if you were their sister… Walter preferred on opening up to you rather than to us… he felt more comfortable… I'm sure that, that does tell you something…'

'I love Walter…'

'…but you also need to love yourself…'

'I can't… I don't deserve anyone's love…'

'Why Sera?'

'I can't explain it John…' She admitted. 'I don't deserve anything…'

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I walked into my daughter's empty room. I missed her… I never realised what I had until I lost her… and I lost her big time. I tell her that I love her… and all she replies is 'I do too…' she sent her love to Taylor and Gail… why couldn't she say it to me? Why couldn't she tell me three simple words that meant a lot from her? Why?

'Christian?' Ana took me out of my thoughts. 'I've been calling you…'

'Sorry… I was thinking…' I replied again.

'What about?'

'Look around you Ana… What's missing?' I asked her as she sat beside me on our daughter's bed.

'Christian… she will soon be back with us… She's tough… She's like you…'

'…and that's what scares me… I'm fifty shades of fucked up Ana…'

'Christian we've been through this over and over again… you hide behind that excuse… you're a different person now…'

'…but our daughter isn't Ana… She hasn't told me 'I love you' in ages… I haven't heard her calling me daddy with that emotion in ages… I look into her eyes… and all I see is emptiness… coldness… darkness… she's lifeless… she's almost a machine…'

'Christian… she's going through a rough patch…'

'Rough patch?' I asked her amazed as I stood up and moved forward to Sera's desk and opened a drawer. I kept the original suicide letter. I still had to think about it. 'You call this a rough patch Ana?' I asked her as I handed her the letter.

'What is this?'

'Open it… read it…' I replied as I rested my back to the edge of the desk. She opened it hesitantly, and I saw her lose all colour as she started reading it…

'Where did you find this?'

'Gail found it under Sera's desk…' I said again as I ran my hands through my hair. '…and that's not all… I found depressing images… Self-harm photos… more blades… 2 CD's…' I replied again as I closed my eyes in pain. '…and that Ana…'

'How… Why…' She replied in tears. 'This couldn't be… she was about to… to… kill herself?'

'Yeah… and she still wants too… she doesn't believe that she has the right to live…' I replied as I tried keeping my tears at bay.

'We're losing her…' She finally admitted. 'Did you tell John about this?'

'Of course I did Ana… I didn't know what to do…'

'Do you have the CD's?' She asked.

'Why?' I asked her confused.

'I want to see them… I want to know what's been going on with my daughter… I want to know what I missed…' She replied sternly.

'Ana… I don't think it's a good idea… It took a toll on me…'

'Christian… she is my daughter as much as she is… if I wasn't on methadone I would have agreed with you and admitted her to hospital sooner and she wouldn't be in this state…' She insisted. 'I want to see them…'

'Are you…' I started.

'Now Christian…'

* * *

We moved to my study. I was already shaking… I knew what was in there… I didn't manage to watch the whole 2nd CD… Today I had to make the guts and view it all.

'Ana… It's very graphic…'

'Christian… it's our daughter we're talking about…'

'Ok…' I replied as I pressed 'play'. I could see Ana in tears after the first CD. She couldn't believe it was us arguing in the background… Our shouting brought shivers down my spine… let alone how Sera would have felt with those…

'Is that us?' Ana asked in tears.

'Yeah…' I chocked.

'We did this to her… We ruined our daughter…' She replied again.

* * *

**Flashback 2011**

_We were soon to have dinner, and Sera was already sulking. She wasn't happy… I could see sadness in her eyes. She was there… but in reality she wasn't. Soon her phone rang._

'_Sera… you know the rule… there is no cell phone at the table!' I scolded._

'_Fine…' She replied as she stood up. 'I'm not at the table now.' I was already starting to see red._

'_Alright… that's ok… we break that rule at least ones a month…' Ana tried calming me down, while I stood up and followed my daughter. 'Christian!' She called again._

'_Sera! Sera!' I called her, ignoring my wife completely. 'Can I have that cell phone please?'_

'_No dad.' She replied as she continued on her call._

'_Kara… Kara are you ok? What happened?' She started. 'I'm sorry… Oh my! Are you ok? No don't you dare leave… I'll… I'll try to come…' She continued while I heard some shouting from the other end of the line. 'Ok… I'll be right there…'_

'_Oh no young lady… you're not going anywhere… You're grounded!' I ordered._

'_Kara is really upset… I have to go and help her!'_

'_Well… I'm sorry Kara is having problems, but you're not leaving this house! Period!'_

'_Screw you dad… my friend needs me…' She replied as she made her way to the door._

'_Sera… stop right there! If you walk out that door!'_

'_What dad? What are you going to do?' She confronted._

'_Ok you both need to calm down!' Ana tried_

'_I haven't spanked you since you were 12 years old, but I have a good intention on doing it right now!' I replied again as I grabbed her roughly from her arm._

'_Don't touch me!' She replied._

'_You should have thought about that before you defied me Sera…' I replied as I lifted her off the ground and dragged her to the kitchen. I pulled her trousers and underwear down, and with one swift move I removed my belt. I placed her across my knee and with the other hand I held her still. I started spanking her with all my strength. I lost count. I had reached 40 for sure. I heard her cries… her shouting… _

'_CHRISTIAN STOP IT! YOU'RE HURTING HER!' Ana screamed as she came and held my hand upwards. With her touch I let my other hand off Sera's back and she crumbled to the ground from my knees. I saw Ana moving towards our broken daughter. Ana pulled up Sera's clothes. She was crying hysterically. It finally came to mind. What have I done? I dropped the belt to the floor and moved towards my daughter. She was still lying there crying._

'_Don't touch me dad…' She replied as I tried comforting her. 'Don't touch me!'_

'_Christian go… I'll take care of this…'_

**End of Flashback**

* * *

'Ana we shouldn't watch the second…' I chocked.

'No Christian… I want to know what's been going on with my daughter…' She insisted again. I placed the second CD and stood there beside her. The pictures started going by in a slideshow. I saw Ana changing shades. She moved the chair backwards and made one whole run to the bathroom. I heard her heaves. I heard her throw up violently. I took Ana's seat and kept watching the video. Pictures of her cuts… of her emaciated body… I pursed my lips into a hard line trying to keeping everything inside. Ana was still crying hysterically and still throwing up violently. A part of the video that I hadn't seen came. This time it was a video.

* * *

_Hi… yes… this is me… all ugly… all fat… that's why my parents hate me… that's why they're disappointed in me… well… I only have to continue this. Keep these tips in mind…_

_Say that you're going to eat at your friend's house, and instead go for a walk._

* * *

She started saying. She continued on with the tips… she continued commenting about how fat she was… there was nothing of her already.

* * *

_Keep these in mind, and you will get perfect…_

* * *

I couldn't keep any longer. She… she was on a suicide mission… this has been going on for very long… I finally couldn't keep it any longer… my tough persona shattered. I cried… I broke down… I could hear Ana's desperate cries. I grabbed the bin in the vicinity and emptied my stomach's contents in it. I cried… I broke down…

* * *

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	77. Chapter 76

**Tuesday – Five days - Sera's POV**

'_Daddy! Catch me!' I screamed as I jumped from the deckchair to him._

'_Sera!' He caught me immediately. 'You're not tarzan! You can get hurt peanut!' He held me close to me. 'Ana… we should stop buying her those Disney movies… they're not safe!'_

'_Oh come on Christian! Loosen up! She needs to learn…'_

'…_by what hurting?'_

'_No Christian… by giving her some space of air to grow up…'_

'…_but mummy… I don't want to grow up.' I replied again as I let my head rest on dad's shoulder._

'_I don't want you to grow up either princess…' Mum smiled._

'_I love you mummy!' I replied again as I held my hands out for her to take me into her arms._

'_Hey… what about me?' Dad pouted playfully._

'_I love you too daddy!' I smiled._

* * *

'_Sera… this is your brother…' Mum smiled._

'_Can I see him? Can I see him?' I excitedly jumped up and down._

'…_but gently Sera…' Dad replied. 'Sit down.' He instructed while he came forward with the baby. 'Now hold him gently. Don't drop him Sera.'_

'_He's so small!' I exclaimed. 'What's his name?'_

'_Well… We wanted to ask you… What do you think about the name Jason?'_

'_Jason…' I thought as I looked towards him and his tiny hands reached to my face. 'I love Jason…Hi Jason… I'm your sister!'_

* * *

'_Please Leila… put Jason down! He has nothing to do with this!'_

'_No Christian… your kids and you wife have everything to do with this! What does Ana have that I don't? I never slept in your bed… Never touched… and she gets to get all of this? '_

'_Please Leila… put my son down. We can talk in private…'_

'_No Christian…' She said again as she put Jason down and placed the gun to his head. 'It's my call today…' She said again as she pulled the trigger, and blood was shed._

* * *

I shot up immediately only to feel someone's hand on my back. My jaw was hurting and I was having a headache that I hadn't felt in ages.

'Sera… are you ok dear?' Rhian asked.

'Yeah… I think I fell asleep…' I replied back as I checked the time. 'And it's still 1pm… I shouldn't be sleeping right now…'

'Honey…' She started as she took a seat in the chair beside me. '…when was the last time you slept?' She asked gently.

'I..'

'Sera…' she warned.

'I can't sleep…' I admitted.

'Why honey?' She asked again as she pulled me to her side.

'I don't know… I guess it's easier like this… I don't get nightmares…'

'What were you dreaming about Sera? You were mumbling in your restless sleep…'

'It's nothing Rhian…' I replied as I avoided her gaze. 'I should get back to work…'

'Sera… keeping things inside isn't going to help you…' She replied again while she stopped my hands from grabbing my pens. '…Sera… what's really scaring you?' She asked again. 'You can tell me.'

'It was all jumbled…' I started slowly. 'I dreamt about the days we used to spend on the yacht. I remembered how happy I was… how I never wanted to leave my parents sides…'

'What about now?'

'I don't know… I miss them… but there are many things…' I started again, but I stopped. I was feeling too guilty to continue. 'You and John are different with both Walter and Derek… you give them everything they need emotionally… you both are there for them… don't get me wrong… I'm not trying to pry or being jealous… don't get me wrong…'

'Sera… Sera…' She stopped me. 'Calm down…' She smiled again. 'Don't worry…I wasn't thinking that!'

'It's just… you both are not afraid to love them… you both are not afraid to show them affection and be close with them… you've taken me with open arms, and you treat me as if I am your child…' I replied again. '…and I'm not…' I continued as I let my head drop.

'Hey…' She said again as she lifted my head. '…just because you aren't our daughter, doesn't mean that we don't love you like one!'

'…but why do you? I'm nothing to you…'

'Why do you say that?'

'Nothing… leave it…'

'Honey… what else did you dream?' She asked again.

'Rhian…'

'Sweet heart… I'm not going to judge you… you can tell me…' She insisted again. 'Is it about Jason?'

'How do you know?'

'You mentioned his name Sera…honey… what you saw that night was beyond cruel… I know how you may feel… I know it hurts… but see what it's doing to you! It's crushing you from the inside…'

'I can't get rid of these feelings Rhian… I'm tired of all of this… I've tried ending it…'

'…and you think ending your life would bring you somewhere?'

'Of course it does… I won't be feeling anything anymore…' I replied again. 'You know how many times I've tried dragging the blade on my wrists and digging deep? But I always chickened out…' I admitted.

'Did you discuss this with John?' She asked again, while I remained quiet. 'Honey… you need to let this turmoil out of you…' She continued before the phone rang. 'A second…'

**Rhian's POV**

* * *

'Hello Flynn's residence…'

'_Are you Mrs. Rhian Flynn?'_

'Yes… how may I help you?'

'_We are calling on behalf Walter… You've had appointment on Thursday with the principal right?'_

'Yes… but it had to be rescheduled…'

'_Yes… however Walter is feeling sick, and from the look on his face, he really doesn't look well…'_

'Is he ok?' I asked worriedly.

'_Yes Mrs. Flynn, however we were wondering if you could pick him up?'_

'Yes… of course!' I replied.

'_I know its short notice, but maybe if you want you can talk to the principal today.' She suggested._

'Yes… of course… We just need few minutes…' I replied again as I started dialling John's number on my cell phone.

'_Thanks Mrs. Flynn.'_

* * *

I was already getting worked up. Walter was never sick, but when the flu caught to him, we only had to wait for some fever till he gets better. Finally John picked up.

'_Hey Rhian…' He started._

'Hey John… Listen… The school called… Walter is sick…'

'_Is he ok?' He asked worriedly._

'I'm off to picking him up now… however, the principal would like to talk to us… he's available today…' I replied again.

'_I don't have any appointments today. Where should we meet?'_

'We'll meet home baby… We'll go with one car…' I replied.

'_I'll be home in 15 minutes max…' He replied. 'Love you Rhi…'_

'Love you too honey…'

* * *

Walter always worries me when he gets sick. We both knew how fever affected him. He'd only want to sleep, and do nothing at all… and I don't blame him… He can get a fever up to 103oC. By time we managed to control it… but it still gave us the worst nightmares.

'Rhian?' John asked as he opened the door.

'Hey… I'm almost done…' I replied as I put on my shoes, and he dropped a kiss on my lips.

'How is he?'

'School told me that he doesn't look good… but he's not that bad either…'

'Good… maybe he won't have fever this time.' He replied again. 'Did Sera eat?'

'Yeah… half an apple… peeled… That's all she managed today… We've spent almost 3 hours since you left to work.'

'That kid keeps worrying me…' He replied as he passed his hand through his hair. 'There's something she's not saying…'

'I know…me too… I miss the old her…'

'I do too Rhian…' He replied, as she came down.

'I'm sorry I took long Rhian…'

'No worries honey… We were about to call you down…' I smiled back. She remained there in the corner at the kitchen. She kept playing with her fingers. John moved forward to her and smiled.

'Aren't you going to say hi?' He asked gently as he moved forward to her and lifted her face.

'Hi…' She smiled.

'How was your day honey?'

'It was ok… um… I was wondering… when can I go back to school?' She asked gently and hopefully. 'Please?'

'Not for now Sera… you're still very sick…' John explained gently.

'How am I going to catch up with everything?'

'We were thinking Sera…' I started. 'We're getting you a tutor… Your parents agreed as well…' I smiled.

'…but aren't tutors expensive... what about my parents?'

'Honey… the least thing you should worry is about money!' I replied.

'Did you eat?' John asked again.

'Um… yeah…'

'Sera?' He warned again.

'I promise I'll eat later…'

'Sera… you never do… I have to tackle this differently.' He replied again. 'From now on, you'll be eating with me… and you won't get Rhian all mushy… I'll be coming home during lunch breaks, and we'll wake up early if the need be for breakfast…Am I clear?'

'…but?' She tried negotiating.

'Am I clear Sera?' He insisted again.

'Yes…'

* * *

On our way to school, we kept thinking on how to talk to the principal. We had to turn things our way. We had to be diplomatic. I knew how school's work. They always try to hide from the argument. We finally arrived and the three of us knocked on the principal's office.

'Mr. and Mrs. Flynn… I was waiting for you…' Mr Parsley smiled warmly while he held his hand out for us to shake it. 'Please… Sit…' He smiled. John held Sera from her shoulders and guided her in front of him.

'Is Walter ok?' I asked politely while all of us took a seat.

'He is… he's feeling a bit ill. You can pick him up…' He smiled.

'I'll go… I can stay with him for now…' Sera offered.

'Honey, are you sure?' I asked her.

'Yes… you need to discuss these things in private.' She replied. 'In which class can I find Walter please?

'2B… Ms. Flynn…' He replied again.

'Um… I'm not a…'

'Sera…' I gave her a look and both John and I smiled at her.

'I'll make my way…' She replied as she exited the room.

'So… What did you need to discuss?'

'Well… Mr. Parsley…' John started. 'When I enrolled my son in this school, I read in your official school regulations that there would be no bullying tolerated.'

'Yes… That's correct…'

'…and we found out that our son had been bullied for a month. I recall he told us that he talked to his teacher… but you still haven't taken any note on this.' I reasoned.

'Mrs. Flynn, I think you have a mistake…' He tried.

'There is no mistake! Our son is terrified of fighting back… he had his homework torn, his lunch taken… I'm not standing by and watching my son getting hurt!'

'Do you have a name Mr. Flynn?'

'We do… Kayden Simons.' I replied.

'Ok.' He replied again while he took some notes down. 'I have to have a talk with Kayden's parents. I'll get back to you with the progress afterwards.' He replied. 'However… until that time comes, I would like you to report to me anything that may happen.'

'We'll do…' We replied while the secretary came in.

'Julia, can you please tell Ms. Violetta to send Derek please with his bag?' He asked.

'Sure Sir…'

'You don't have to wait till 15.00 there's only few minutes left…' He smiled warmly.

* * *

**Sera's POV**

I walked through the empty hallways. This school reminded me of when I used to be in primary school. I missed here. I remembered Natalie's funny drawings. I remembered everything here… The Christmas and Prize Day Plays… The activities teachers used to do to us. Then it hit my mind. Did John and Rhian just counted me as a Flynn? No… it couldn't be… I'm a Grey… I love my parents… I only want them… but… did they want me? Maybe I should accept things as they are…

I finally arrived to Walter's class. I saw him from the window with his head on the table. He really looked ill… It made my heart swell… I loved the kid so very much. Soon from behind me I feel a pinch.

'Sera? You came?' A smiling Derek smiled.

'Yes big guy!' I replied as I went down to his level. 'Walter is feeling sick… and what are you doing out of your class Mr… with your school bag?'

'I know… Ms. Martini told me…Ms. Julia told me that mum and dad are here…' He smiled back while he hugged me tight. He caught me off guard but I felt safe in his arms. I returned his warm hug. 'I love you Sera!'

'I do too Derek… very much!' I replied as I let go. 'Can you give me a minute till I get Walter from his class?'

'Yes… but don't take long…' He smiled again.

* * *

I knocked gently on the classroom's door, and after a faint 'come in' I entered.

'Yes, how may I help you?' Walter's teacher asked while I saw Walter's face light up a bit.

'I'm here for Walter please…'

'Are you his sister?' She asked me gently.

'Yes Ms. Martini… She is…' He smiled.

'Ok… you can go Walter…' She replied. I entered the classroom, and took Walter's bag. It wasn't heavy, but I was struggling with it. I held his hand and we exited the classroom.

'How are you feeling munchkin?'

'My head hurts and nose is running…' He replied.

'Ohhh… my baby…' I replied. 'Come my boys… mum and dad are waiting for you…' I smiled…

* * *

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	78. Chapter 77

**Rhian's POV**

'Honey how are you feeling?' I asked Walter as I felt his forehead.

'I'm tired mummy…' He whimpered.

'You rest there baby boy…'

'…I'm hungry…' He replied again.

'Dinner is almost ready Wills…' I smiled back. 'Sera, dear, could you please stay with Walter for a minute till I prepare…?'

'No worries Rhian…' She smiled as she rested her back to the couch and continued writing some notes down.

* * *

Walter lied down on the couch with his head on Sera's lap. I made sure to give her a cautionary dosage of Panadol just in case Walter's cold was contagious. Least thing she needed was get sick. Her immune system is already weak as it is.

'Derek, do you need help with that?' John asked him as he looked towards the irritation Derek was having with his math.

'I hate maths daddy! Can't I please drop out of this class?' He asked, while John chuckled.

'Honey… you cannot drop out of anything you don't like…'

'…but daddy you always told me to do what I like…' He reasoned.

'Unfortunately, I don't have control over the education system pumpkin…' He replied again as he moved to Derek's side. 'Let me see baby boy…' He said again while he ruffled his hair.

'This one daddy…'

'Let me see… In a school of 120 children only 1/3 are girls. How many boys are in the school?'

'You see daddy! It's very hard…'

'Honey… you need to speak to maths… When I was your age, my teachers used to tell me to be a gossiper to them…'

'…ok… that's weird… one… I'm not insane daddy I don't speak to a piece of paper, and secondly… I forgot…' He replied again. '…oh… yes… I remember… I don't like to gossip or tattle tat… you always said it's wrong.' He reasoned, while both Rhian and I cracked up.

'Honey, to maths it is an exception!' I replied again as I ruffled his hair. 'Here… let me show you… so he told you that there are 120 kids… and 1/3 are girls. You need to find out how many girls there are first.'

'So I have to make the fraction of 120?'

'Yes Der…' I smiled while he worked it out.

'It's 40 daddy… So there are 40 boys?'

'No… there are 40 girls, and in total you have 120 kids… How many boys are there?'

'I know! I know!' He jumped. '120-40=80!' He smiled again. 'Wow! This is a huge class with too many boys!'

'You can't say he's not your son John…' Rhian teased. 'Come on… help me get the table ready…' She smiled. 'Derek, can you go get your brother and Sera for dinner?' She asked him again.

'Um… mum Sera doesn't eat dinner…'

'What do you mean Derek?' I asked him intrigued.

'I can't… I promised her not to tell you…' He replied while he dropped his head down.

'Derek…' I smiled as I went down to his level. 'What is it honey?'

'Please don't tell her I told you… but I'm worried about Sera…' He replied again.

'Derek… calm down… and tell me what happened…' I insisted again as I held him from his arms.

'On Sunday, when you were sleeping, she was talking in her sleep… I heard her, and went to see if she needed something.'

'… and then what happened honey?' Rhian insisted again.

'She was feeling sick… I asked her if she wanted help and if she need you mum or you dad… but she told me that she's fine… I told her that I was going to wake you up, but she said no and asked me to keep it a secret…' He admitted. 'Are you mad?'

'Honey… when something like this happens with either you, Walter or Sera you should come and wake us up any hour baby boy…' I explained to him gently.

'Am I in trouble?'

'No baby boy…' I smiled at him. 'You were honest… that's more than enough for us…'

* * *

Dinner went easy. We decided to play into her comfort foods during some days. At least she would try and have the courage to eat something. She remained distant and lonely… she didn't join in any of our conversations. She was so used of punishing herself that she rarely noticed on what she was doing. It was an automatic response to everything she did. After everyone was finished, she was still there playing with her salad. I had to keep forcing her to eat… keep pounding that she won't move from the table until she eats. It was at around 9pm, after 3 whole hours of trying that she ate three quarters of her plate. I moved her to the couch and while I worked on some paper work, I let her do some essay she was working on. I kept looking at her… seeing her struggle and swallowing to keep everything down. She kept fidgeting, her foot shaking uncontrollably in nervousness.

At around 9.45pm, we both headed upstairs. It was time to get ready for bed. I helped Rhian out with the laundry while I left Sera to her things. I still kept a close ear and an eye to her.

* * *

**Sera's POV**

'… and the princess and the frog lived happily ever after…' I finished as I closed the book. 'I love this book.' I smiled. I remembered how dad used to read it to me every night back when I was Walter's age… I missed those moments. I grabbed my phone and checked my e-mails.

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: Missing you here…  
Date: 6th March 2014 15.25  
To: Sera

Hey kiddo… how are you peanut? You haven't replied to any of the e-mails. Are you ok?

Christian Grey,  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: You could have called dad…  
Date: 6th March 2014 22.06  
To: Dad

I'm fine dad… I was really busy… you know studying and stuff… + Walter is a bit sick so we had to pick him up from school, and he was being bullied (Picked on at school to put it better) and John and Rhian wanted to straighten it out with the principal.

Sera Grey,  
Daughter of CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

* * *

I pressed send and went to get Walter's thermometer.

'Are you all comfy Will?' I asked while he nodded. 'Keep this under your tongue. Don't move it…' I smiled, as I heard my phone vibrate. I looked at it and realised it was another e-mail from dad.

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: What's with the signature? o.O  
Date: 6th March 2014 22.08  
To: Sera

You're right… but I didn't know if you felt like talking… last time you called you only listened. I miss my old peanut… :/

How's studying going? Did John and Rhian tell you about the tutor? He'll be starting from the 8th March. You have 5 hours a day of tutoring.

I hope Walter is ok. Make sure to take care of yourself. I know you love the kid… but you can't risk getting sick right now. Take two Panadols every 4 hours.

Listen, your mother and I were thinking… What do you say if we spend a day together this coming weekend? You know… old times' sake? We'll have a picnic… a walk in the countryside… we'll go to the beach… your mother mentioned shopping (I can get to see my two girls in their _'heaven'…)_

Love you peanut :)…xxx your mother sends her love as well… :) xxx

Christian Grey,  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

* * *

'Let me check that temperature Wills…' I smiled as I took it out from his mouth. 'Exactly 37oC…' I smiled while I brought his medicine and poured some of the syrup on the spoon. 'I know this tastes bad… I hate it myself… but you need it honey!'

'Sera!' He whined.

'Come on…' I asked him again while I held the spoon in front of him. 'Walter… If you don't take this you will get sicker…and you won't be able to play… or go to school…'

'No playing? School is ok. But playing?' He reasoned.

'Walter?' I warned gently.

'Ok… fine…' He pouted.

'Pouting won't get you anywhere little guy…' I joked as I placed the covers onto him and tucked him into bed.

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: Remember the bet? (I WON!==Smirking)  
Date: 6th March 2014 22.18  
To: Dad

Just because I remain quiet doesn't mean I don't want to hear you guys out. I don't get it! IF I talk you comment, and because I'm quiet you also comment? *banging my head against the wall in desperation :p*

Studying is going ok… ok… I'll catch up with everything… no worries…

Don't worry about me catching the cold. Rhian and John already have me on vitamins, minerals, calcium supplements, and now panadols. I feel like a medicine chest.

Um… yeah… sure… why not? At what time?

I have to go for now. Walter wants me with him, and it's getting late… you have to wake up early for work. Tell mum not to worry and neither you… I'm fine…

I do too… x Good night… sweet dreams…

Sera… == You see my signature!

* * *

I pressed send, but soon Walter took me out of my thoughts…

'Sera, can you stay here till I sleep?' Walter asked me gently while I was about to get up from his bed as he held me from my arm.

'Of course little guy…' I smiled as I entered into bed with him.

'I love you Sera…' He smiled as he hugged me tight around my waist.

'I love you too kiddo!' I returned the hug, while I felt him relax into my embrace. It wasn't long till he lost himself to sleep. I kept playing with his hair. He had perfect hair, just like Rhian, thick, light brown hair. I imagined what it would be if Jason was alive. He would have been 8 by now. I imagined his dreams… His words… His love… I missed him… I hugged Walter tighter to me and slid down to rest my head on the pillow, but soon the door opened.

'They're sleeping…' Rhian noted.

'Nopes… Walter is…' I smiled as I tried getting up, while both John and Rhian came forward to us.

'Stay dear… You're warm and comfy here…' She smiled as she re-arranged the covers on top of us, while John made sure to close the window that was still open.

'You should get some sleep Sera…' John smiled as he moved forward to us, and checked Walter's forehead for any fever.

'I checked it myself… He's exactly 37oC… I gave him his syrup too.'

'Thanks ladybug…' He smiled again as he laid a kiss on my forehead and another on Walter's forehead. '…but really… get some sleep…' He smiled again.

'At what time did you give him the syrup Sera?' Rhian asked me.

'About half an hour ago…' I replied back.

'At around 4am I'll be waking Walter up again for another dosage… It will be me… so don't get scared… ok?' She asked gently.

'Mhmm…' I smiled back.

'Now get some sleep…' She smiled again as she also dropped a kiss on our forehead. 'If you need anything, you know where our room is…' She advised again as she switched off the night lamp and closed our door gently.

**Rhian's POV**

'Walter looks better… doesn't he?'

'Yeah… thank God…' John replied as he closed Derek's door and made our way to our room. 'That kid gets me all worked up when he has fever… He's exactly like my brother for that matter…'

'He had to get it from somewhere doesn't he?' I teased.

'Yeah…'

'Did you check Derek's temperature just in case? I've given him some Panadol's so that he won't risk catching it from Walter…'

'Derek's fine…' He smiled again as he pulled me to him. 'I love you Rhian… you know that right?'

'Of course I do baby…' I replied back as I rested into his embrace. 'I thank my lucky stars for the day that my train got delayed…I met you… and today we have two loving kids… almost 3 now…'

'Yeah… the best 20 years of my life… I love you Rhian… so very much.' He stated again as he kissed me passionately on my lips.

'I love you too very much John…' I replied again as I returned the feelings.

He knew exactly how to melt me… he knew exactly what I loved and liked. He started caressing my body slowly… kissing every inch of me. I felt his chest closer to me, and little I realized that soon both of us were naked.

'I never get tired of seeing you this beautiful Rhian!' He said again as he came on top of me.

'Glad you don't… because I plan on staying here for ever… till death do us part John…' I replied back as I kissed him passionately back. He tangled his fingers in my hair while I did in his… we pulled towards each other and soon we were both too lost in the moment.

I felt his love as strong as the first time we made love when we got married. We never got tired of making love to each other. I could feel his energy… his pull… his tenderness and embrace… I could feel his manly, gentleman attributes, and the best thing, he always made me feel loved… amazing…

He started teasing me, but soon both of us couldn't wait any longer. He entered me slowly with delicacy; he pushed and withdrew slowly, building up climax every time. Soon he picked up the rhythm and both of us couldn't wait any longer.

'Oh John…'

'Yes… say my name baby…'

'I love you John…'

'I love you too Rhian…' He replied again as he pulled me on top of him and I started riding him. We were moving together in rhythm, just like a stream. Soon he came on top of me again with renewed and vigorous movement. It wasn't long till he stilled inside me and I felt his love being poured into me. 'I love you Rhian!' He said again as he opened his eyes. I looked deeply into his brown eyes. They were dilated and full of emotion. I could see them blazing with love… blazing with emotion.

'I love you too John… Forever and Always.' I said again as I raised my head and kissed him again. He slid out of me gently, and laid on his back, still holding my hand into his. We looked towards each other and smiled. He kissed my shoulder softly and looked at me again. 'I'm sweaty… I'm taking a shower…'

'Ok honey…' I replied as I got up from the bed and put some clothes on me. 'I'll got make some hot chocolate… Do you want some?'

'Yes please baby…' He smiled again.

'I'll take a shower after you… don't use all the hot water… you're worse than a girl in that aspect…'

'Rhian… I just made passionate love to you… and you are going to tease me on using the hot water?'

'Mhmmm… because I love getting you all worked up…' I smiled again before I exited our bathroom.

'I'll get you something to work-up on…' He said again from the door.

'I can't wait baby…' I teased back.

* * *

**Walter's POV**

'_I'll get you the banana Mr. Chipanzee…' I told him while I climbed the tall tree._

'_Don't be long Willy… I'm very hungry…' He replied._

'_I won't… I promise…' I said again. I continued climbing up the stairs but by mistake I put my foot on the wrong branch and it broke. I started to fall._

* * *

I shot up from the bed immediately. I hated when that happened… feeling myself falling. I looked over at Sera, and she was there. She was all sweaty on her forehead.

'No… please… don't…' She said.

'Sera?' I asked her as I tried waking her up.

'No… please… don't hurt me!' She said again.

'Sera?' I asked her again, as I tried to shake her up. I tried waking her up, but as I touched her arm, she started screaming. I got up from the bed and saw her fighting something. I got out of my room and went to mum and dad.

* * *

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	79. Chapter 78

**John's POV**

I heard a scream and soon a knock on our door was heard. Rhian and I shot up immediately and behind the door we saw a very frightened Walter.

'What's wrong honey?' Rhian asked him as she lifted him up, while we heard another scream. We made one swift move to the bedroom. I looked on the bed, and I saw Sera fighting herself.

'I promise I didn't do anything…' Walter cried.

'Take him away Rhian…' I told her as I moved forward to her. It broke my heart seeing her nights being tormented like that. 'Sera!' I tried waking her up. 'Sera!' I called her again, and this time she shot up immediately. I caught her into my embrace.

'No! Please…' She begged.

'Shhhh…' I whispered as I took her into my embrace while she cried hysterically. I knew what was wrong. I knew that she hadn't dealt with it as yet. 'Shh baby… I'm here…' I tried again.

'I saw him again… It hurts…' she replied again.

'Rhian, can you get me a damp facecloth?'

'Yeah sure…' She replied.

'Dammit… Sera please… you're hurting yourself…' I replied as Walter switched on the lights and I realised that her fingers were bleeding.

'Daddy?' Walter asked as he moved forward. 'Can I help?'

'Can you get me two long bandages please? And a pair of my long socks honey?' I asked him while he went. 'Sweetheart… what happened?' I asked her again as I lifted her off and rocked her while rubbing her back softly. She remained quiet mumbling things.

'Here…' Rhian replied as she placed the cool facecloth on her forehead and sat beside while rubbing her leg. 'John… you're bleeding!' She replied as she noticed the blood on my shirt.

'It's not mine…' I noted, and she realised Sera's hands. They were all scratched till they bled.

'Daddy… are these ok?' Walter asked as he came back.

'Yes honey…' Rhian replied as she took them from him. 'John… I think you should stay with her for the night… Walter will sleep with me…'

'Yeah… I was thinking about that…' I replied as I bandaged the palm of her hand till her elbow, and did the same with the other one. 'Can you place the sock on her hands please?' I asked her while Rhian helped me out.

'You'll take it from here John?'

'Go to sleep Rhian.' I replied again.

'Come Walter…'

'…but I want to stay with Sera…' He pouted.

'Honey… your father will stay with her for the night… she had a nightmare…'

'…but I can chase them away… I know that monsters don't exist under the bed.'

'Sera's monsters are different baby boy… Come…' She replied again as she lifted him off.

'Shh… relax baby girl… nobody will hurt you I promise!' I tried comforting her, while I continued rubbing her back. She hid her face into my chest. I let her break down. I wasn't going to leave her for the night. I picked her up and moved to her room. I set her on the bed gently. She was still holding my hand. I slid beside her and pulled her close to me. She was trying to make herself as smaller as she could in my arms. She was trying to disappear… but she couldn't… it finally hit my mind. What if her starvation also has to do with wanting to disappear… it could also be a factor... 'Baby…tell me what was the dream about?' I asked her gently as I saw that she was calming down.

'I see him… I see him everywhere… Everywhere I go…' She replied.

'Is he here now?'

'No… now no…'

'Sera… please… talk to me…'

'I can't…' She replied again as I felt her hands rubbing against each other.

'Honey… I know that it is hard for you… I can understand… but please… don't shut me out… you know I care about you…'

'I don't deserve it… I don't deserve anything…' She finally admitted.

'Why are you saying this?'

'I see you how you all look at me… it's as if I'm damaged… you all talk about me as if I'm not there… my parents don't want me… they never did… I'm just a number to them… they think that buying things and do anything they want would solve anything. Dad's way to discipline was spanking… and sometimes without my underwear on…'

'What?' I asked her surprised. I knew how he was when it came to corporal punishment. 'How did Christian spank you?'

'Like a monster at times… I know he wants me to be safe…' She admitted while she cried and I held her to my chest. '…but 56 with a belt isn't a punishment…'

'When did this happen?'

'When I was 14…' She admitted again. '…and you know why he didn't want to talk to me after I went clubbing?'

'Why Sera?' I asked her gently.

'…because he was afraid that if he started talking to me, anger would get to him… and he wouldn't be able to stop himself… he wanted to hurt me… he wanted to belt me again… you know what he told mum when she asked him to talk to me? He told her that I lost the title of his daughter when I defied him…' She cried again. I felt turmoil towards Christian. I knew it wasn't easy… but after her being raped, the last thing she would want to hear, is that.

'Shh… I'm here for you…'

'I just want to end this all… I just want to die… it would be better for everybody…'

'Shh…' I comforted. 'Honey… killing yourself won't solve anything.'

'It would John… everything would end… My parents would be free… you would be free…'

'Hey… Rhian and I wanted you here… We love you…'

'…and look what I did to Derek and Walter! Walter had to experience one of my nightmares… Derek knows about things he shouldn't even know…'

'Sera… Sera stop!' I finally ordered. 'Sera it is not your fault… You didn't want this on yourself… and your parent's mistakes for sure are not your fault!'

'Yes they are… they constantly fight… constantly John… and I don't know what to do… I know it's wrong… but deep down I wish I wasn't a Grey… Deep down… I wish I had a family that loves me for who I am and not for what they want me to be…'

'What do you mean?'

'After Jason died… have you ever seen mum or dad doing things as a family with me? No… and neither have I… they simply drowned themselves into their work… I can't take this anymore… I don't want to take this anymore… please… let me go…' She begged.

'No Sera… I won't let you go…' I replied again. Her words shook me hard. She was more depressed than I thought… she knew how to keep it up… until she broke down like this. 'Sera… you parents love you in their own way… yes they have their problems… they have their flaws…'

'Flaws? Dad told me to open up to him… and that maybe I'm angry at what they did… but angry is not exactly what I feel…'

'What do you feel?'

'I don't know… I just don't know what to feel anymore… I feel empty… I feel like I'm living on nothing… like I have nothing else to live for…' She replied. '…and when you treat me like one of this family… I realise how truly I have nothing… Derek and Walter give me all their love without expecting nothing in return… you and Rhian do the same… and yet… I feel wanted for a minute… and unwanted from my real parents for the rest of the time…'

'Honey… you've been through a lot… and I know it is overwhelming… but please don't give up…'

'Give me a reason to stay…'

'I love you Sera… I love you as my daughter…' I finally admitted. 'Even Rhian does… She counts you as one of us… as one of our kids…' I replied again as I held her tight to me. 'Does that give you a good enough reason to stay?' I asked her gently while I rubbed her back.

'Why John? Why do you love me?'

'…I don't know… you cannot explain love… you feel it Sera…' I explained gently. 'Sera… do you remember when you were younger? Do you remember anything about how Christian and Ana were with you? Do you remember us? Rhian, you and me?' I asked her.

'Mhmm…' She nodded into my chest. 'I do… mum and dad were different… they were there for everything… we were happy… I was always close to mum and dad… I could tell dad anything… and I could share my feelings and thoughts to mum… I was closer than today with you… and even Rhian… I remember when you and Rhian used to take me out with you… for picnics… the park… the movies…'

'Do you remember when we used to crash the three of us together?'

'Mhmm…'

'…and who did we ask to help us chose a name for Derek and Walter?' I asked her, while she remained quiet. 'You Sera… I wanted you to help us name our kids… because we both knew you could be the best person they could turn too when they needed anything… They love you Sera… they adore you…'

'I know…' She replied while I felt her relax into my arms.

'Sera… please… don't stop fighting this… I know you can win. The journey to the end isn't easy… I know… Anorexia is you control… Anorexia gives you the rush… but how long do you think you can keep this up?'

'I don't know… I want to stop it… I really do… but I can't…'

'Why can't you Sera? What's holding you back?'

'This voice inside my head…' She admitted. 'It drains me out completely… I can't sleep at night before I make lists and lists… I can't stop counting… Sometimes I feel like I want to grab a knife and slash everything that I see of me…' She replied slowly.

'Sera… how much do you think you weigh? Since the hospital I made sure you won't weigh yourself… and when I weigh you I weigh you backwards. So tell me… how much do you think you weigh?'

'I don't know… maybe 105 pounds after the hospital?' She asked.

'Sera… since the hospital you lost 5 pounds… you're a miserable 60 pounds…' I admitted. 'Sera… I may have to put you on the tube again just to keep your body to do the necessary functions.' I replied again.

'No… please…' She begged.

'Honey… I have no other choice… You need to gain some weight…' I reasoned with her. 'You won't go to the hospital… your grandma will be doing the procedure… I already talked to your parents and grandparents for the matter… and we think it's the right solution for now… '

'You're taking their side too?'

'I know you're scared… and if anything I'm taking your side…' I replied again. 'Sera, I don't want you to die… I cannot lose you!'

'Why?' She asked. 'Why can you lose me John?'

'Sera I told you… I love you… and I'm not ready to lose a child… not now not ever. Jason's death had taken a toll over us too… I don't want to lose you too Sera…' I replied again. 'Sera… Rhian and I love you… do you hear me?' I asked again while she nodded. 'Come on… let's get some sleep honey…'

'I can't sleep… I'm afraid to sleep…' She admitted. I knew it wasn't easy for her. I got up slowly from beside her. 'Please… don't go…' She asked while she held my hand.

'I'm getting you some medicine… I'll be right back…' I replied again as I squeezed her bandaged arm. I exited her room and made my way to the bathroom. I grabbed a box of atarax… it would help her sleep… I filled her a glass of water, and made my way back. 'Sera?' I started as I entered her room again and switched on the lights. '…here take this…' I guided her.

'What is that?' She asked.

'Something to help you sleep…' I replied again. 'You need to take it Sera…' I insisted. I held her from her back for support and fed her the medicine. I helped her drown it down with some water, and as I saw she swallowed it, I placed the glass on the cabinet and switched off the light. I went back beside her, and held her closer to me. 'I love you baby girl…' I whispered in her ear as I kissed her forehead. 'Please… don't give up…' I encouraged. I felt her relax in my arms, and her breathing was getting deeper and slower. I knew she was losing herself to sleep. I held her tighter and closed my eyes. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't leave her alone… not now… not ever…

* * *

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	80. Chapter 79

**John's POV**

The alarm clock buzzed at its highest sound. It jerked me awake and it almost woke up her. The night wasn't easy, but at least she managed to get some sleep. I looked at her and she looked so peaceful… so innocent… her expression reminded me of when she was younger. I smiled at the thought. I remembered the first time I held her. The first time I cradled her into my arms. I remember both Ana and Christian being the happiest I've ever seen them. They were such a happy family. I caressed her cheek. Her face was as cold as ice against my warm arm. She opened her eyes slowly, but I soon told her to go back to sleep. Her tired eyes had given her away. She was exhausted.

I got up and tucked her in, making sure that the covers were covering her, not leaving an inch of her visible from under the covers. I did that to both Walter and Derek… and I knew how much they loved it. I slowly opened the door not making any sound to wake her up. She was such a light sleeper. She didn't allow herself to fully rest. I could see her during the whole night. I lost count after the 4th time she woke up.

I went to our bedroom and Walter and Derek were already sulking in bed. I went forward and joined them too. Walter was looking better, but we still didn't want him to go to school. He could get sicker again, and the last thing the little kid needed was getting sicker.

'Mhmm… Who do we have here?' I teased Derek as I started to tickle him.

'Daddy!' He grumbled playfully. 'Mummy… tell daddy to stop!' He begged her, while she came forward and dropped a kiss on my lips.

'Derek… you can have your chance to tickle your father!' She replied.

'You're taking their side Rhian?'

'Of course I will!' She replied jokingly.

'Daddy!' Walter started. 'I'm up…'

'I thought you were sleeping honey…' I replied again as I lifted him off and hugged him to me. 'Are you ok baby boy?' I asked him again while he rested his head on my shoulders.

'Mhmm…' He replied. 'I'm sleepy…'

'Don't worry honey… you'll be staying home today…'

'Can I stay home as well daddy?' Derek jumped up and down.

'No Derek… You are not sick…' I smiled as I ruffled his hair. 'Come on… Let's get ready for school.'

'Daddy… can I ask you something?' Walter asked as I tucked him in bed.

'Yes Wills… tell me…' I smiled.

'Is Sera ok?' He asked me gently. 'Last night she was really scared.'

'Yes daddy… I heard her crying again…' Derek joined.

'Sera will be ok…' Rhian replied. 'She needs someone to be there for her…' She smiled.

'Can we be there for her?' Derek asked.

'Of course you can Der…' Rhian smiled again.

'Can I go to her room?' Walter asked again.

'…no honey… not now… she's sleeping…' I replied as I kissed his forehead. 'When she wakes up yes… you can… but for now let her rest honey…'

After breakfast, I decided to let Walter and Derek on their own for the time being. It was still early to drive Derek to school, so I let them have some sibling time. They loved having to play and talk in their own rational way. Their innocence made me smile… made us smile… I couldn't believe that God gifted Rhian and I with two amazing kids. I loved them so much. They were our light. They managed to make a hard day's work bearable, but giving me their love without expecting anything in return. They didn't know how to hold a grudge… they didn't know what hurt meant… deep down I didn't want them to grow up… I just wanted to have all the time in the world with them. I think about my childhood… about how I missed my mother when she died… how much I missed my father and brother for the matter… although my father was never the same after mum died, he always tried on making James and me happy. Then Grace and Carrick adopted me… and they made me feel like a child again… giving me all their love… giving me everything I needed… I was in a family again…

I went to help Rhian with the dishes. She did so much for this family… especially giving up her career. The least I could do, was help her around whenever I could.

'How is she?' She finally asked. 'She scared me last night… I thought she was going to hurt herself.'

'She did hurt herself Rhian… Her arms are bloodied. I'm calling mum to come and check her out… and I think the feeding tube is our resort for now…' I finally admitted.

'You know she's not going to accept John…'

'Rhian… we have her custody...'

'We have to make the right choice…' She admitted as she continued drying the cutlery. '…you know… having to do this kind of decision is hard… although she isn't my daughter by blood…'

'I know… she needs love… she feels abandoned by both Christian and Ana…'

'She has been John…' She admitted. 'I still don't get it how they don't realise that she needs them…'

'Christian does now… Ana… I'm still not sure… she thinks that Sera can handle anything…'

'Can she?'

'She can… it's the way she handles everything is what worries me… she blames herself for anything that her parents do… she believes she is the problem… and Christian's way of tough love doesn't help.'

'What do you mean?'

'You know that after she was r.a.p.e.d he didn't talk to her…' I started as I spelled the word just in case Walter and Derek were at ear's distance.

'Yeah…'

'…he did that because he was afraid of the anger he built in himself… he was afraid that he would hurt her… belt her to be exact… he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stop from hurting her.'

'John… that's plain abuse!' She exclaimed. 'I know that he has issues… but that isn't something she could bear… and I am sensing that this already happened… am I right?' she asked as she realized the situation.

'Unfortunately… you are right…'

'You have to talk to him… or else get social services involved… that is no environment she should be in! Even if she recovers from her eating disorder…' She reasoned. 'You know as much as I do that once with an eating disorder, one can never fully recover… they'll always have that manipulative thought… she can relapse again…'

'That is what scares me…' I admitted again. 'Here I know she can receive love and a safe family environment… but back home… I don't think she can handle it…' I continued as I placed the cloth on the counter. 'I'll call mum… at what time is it better for her to come?'

'When will Sera wake up?'

'I don't know… I've given her atarax last night… she couldn't sleep… that calmed her down…'

'Tell her to come by at around 10am… She would wake up… her natural needs won't let her sleep for sure…' She smiled while I checked the time, and realised it was time to take Derek to school.

'I better get going… else I'll find traffic.' I replied as I moved forward and held my wife close to me. 'I love you Rhian…'

'I love you too John…'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

I opened my eyes slowly. I felt very sluggish… not the usual tiredness… not the usual exhaustion… but a different kind… I had a weird taste in my mouth. I looked over to the cabinet and my digital clock showed that it was already 8.35am. I couldn't believe I had slept in. I brought my hands up to my forehead, but I felt a strange sensation. I looked to my arms, and finally realized that they were all bandaged up. I started recollecting thoughts from last night. They were all jumbled… but I had few memories here and there…

I grabbed the sock in between my teeth and pulled it off only to find a tighter bandage. With my teeth I grabbed the edge and with the other bandaged arm I started removing the bandage slowly. Little I realized that Rhian had just passed from my room and saw me.

'Hey honey… good morning!' She greeted as she came in. 'Here… let me do this for you…' She smiled as she continued removing the bandages.

'What happened?' I asked her not seeing the reason why I was all bandaged up.

'You were scratching all night honey… John thought it's best to cover your hands like this.' She replied again as she started pulling it off slowly from my arm without opening any wounds. 'This is going to hurt a bit…' She instructed as she pulled it gently. As she finished the first arm, she turned to my left one, and did over the same. I moved my fingers when she was ready and cracked them all one by one. I felt better like that. She moved a lock of my hair between my ears and dropped a kiss on my forehead. 'How are you feeling munchkin?' She asked me gently and sweetly.

'I'm ok…' I smiled weakly.

'You grandmother is coming here today…' She started. 'Even Carrick…' she added.

'Why?' I asked her gently.

'Honey… John and I think that it's best if you're placed on a feeding tube for now…' She replied gently. I felt my heart beating faster… I knew what that meant… but at least they cared. 'Don't worry… I'll be here with you the whole time honey…' She encouraged. 'Why don't you go and take a shower… and then join me downstairs?' she asked gently.

'Ok…' I replied while I yawned.

'Are you sleepy?'

'Groggy is a better word.' I replied.

'It's expected… John gave you something to help you sleep last night…'

'Oh…' _'That explains the bad taste…' I thought to myself._

**Rhian's POV**

'Let me tell you what… Walter is also here today… What do you say if we bake a cake?' I asked gently. I knew she loved cooking… always had and always will… It made me smile seeing her smile genuinely at the idea… I wanted me to include her with her family. I could care less about her… but I loved her… She was like my daughter.

'Yes…' She smiled. 'I'd love to…'

'Ok honey… you have towels and facecloths and everything prepared in the bathroom.' I instructed gently while she tried to get up, but she was finding it harder the more days that passed. 'Here… let me help…' I sweetly said again as I held her from her back and slowly guided her to her feet and to the bathroom. 'I'll be downstairs. When you're ready from the bath, call for me… ok?'

'I can do it…' She insisted.

'Honey… I don't want you to fall… You don't have the strength to walk…'

'…but…'

'Sera… please… let me help you…' I insisted again while I nodded. 'There you go…' I replied again as I placed her on the edge of the bathtub. It broke my heart seeing her so emaciated. Her pj's were about to fall of her. Her bones all jutted out… and what scared me the most was that she was losing strength even to walk. John had told me that when she was in hospital she was finding it hard…but seeing her like this broke my heart.

I left the room, wanting to give her some privacy. I had to let John know about this. Maybe the hospital wasn't the best environment for her… and neither her home… but here… we both could keep an eye on her. She had to gain weight first before starting to respond to therapy… but at least she made an improvement… she was starting to talk… and that was more than enough for now.

* * *

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	81. Chapter 80

This chapter is dedicated to Grey Steel fan :)

* * *

**Sera's POV**

I open my eyes every morning to a new day… a new time… yet the same life… full with consuming thoughts. I got up before everybody. I knew that the day before wasn't easy for any of us. John called my grandparents to get me on the feeding tube again. My parents had also agreed with this decision.

* * *

_**Flashback yesterday afternoon**_

'… _and the wolf said 'Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in.'_

_Well, he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not get the house down. When he found that he could not, with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said:_

_'Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips.'_

_'Where?' said the little pig._

_'Oh, in Mr Smith's Home-field, and if you will be ready tomorrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner.'_

_'Very well,' said the little pig, 'I will be ready. What time do you mean to go?'_

_'Oh, at six o'clock.'_

_Well, the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the wolf came (which he did about six), who said:_

_'Little pig, are you ready?'_

_The little pig said: 'Ready! I have been and come back again, and got a nice potful for dinner.'_

_The wolf felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be up to the little pig somehow or other, so he said:_

_'Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple tree.'_

_'Where?' said the pig._

_'Down at Merry-garden,' replied the wolf, 'and if you will not deceive me I will come for you at five o'clock tomorrow. And get some apples.'_

_Well, the little pig bustled up the next morning at four o'clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the wolf came; but he had further to go, and had to climb the tree, so that just as he was coming down from it, he saw the wolf coming, which, as you may suppose, frightened him very much. When the wolf came up he said:_

_'Little pig, what! are you here before me? Are they nice apples?'_

_'Yes, very,' said the little pig. 'I will throw you down one.'_

_And he threw it so far, that, while the wolf was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home. The next day the wolf came again, and said to the little pig:_

_'Little pig, there is a fair at Shanklin this afternoon, will you go?'_

_'Oh yes,' said the pig, 'I will go; what time shall you be ready?'_

_'At three,' said the wolf. So the little pig went off before the time as usual, and got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was going home with, when he saw the wolf coming. Then he could not tell what to do. So he got into the churn to hide, and by so doing turned it round, and it rolled down the hill with the pig in it, which frightened the wolf so much, that he ran home without going to the fair. He went to the little pig's house, and told him how frightened he had been by a great round thing which came down the hill past him. Then the little pig said:_

_'Hah, I frightened you, then. I had been to the fair and bought a butter-churn, and when I saw you, I got into it, and rolled down the hill.'_

_Then the wolf was very angry indeed, and declared he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him. When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung on the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and, just as the wolf was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper, and lived happy ever afterwards.' Walter finished. _

'_Did you like the story?' He asked again as he closed the book and laid down beside me._

'_Very much Wills.' I replied as I tried getting up._

'_No Sera…' He instructed as with his tiny hands he guided me back to bed. 'Mummy and daddy told me to stay with you and make sure that you don't get up…' He sweetly continued._

'_Walter, I just need to get my phone…'_

'_I'll get it for you…' He replied again as he jumped down from the bed and brought me my phone. 'Here…' He handed it to me. '… are you thirstly?' _

'_I'll go get some water…' I said again as I tried getting up._

'_No… daddy told me you are a bit sick, and I am going to be a good brother…' He said again as he gave me a warm loving hug. 'What do you want to drink? Mummy like irish coffee, daddy likes tea, we have water, or soft drinks… or ice tea lemon, peach and orange, I prefer peach it's more sweet.' He excitedly replied. '… and Derek loves peach and cranberry juice and soft drinks… or do you want some warm mild? Daddy makes the best hot milk even cacao!' He excitedly jumped up and down. 'Mhmm… I should go and ask daddy for one.'_

'_Walter… Walter…' I said as I held him from his shoulders trying to calm the kid down. 'Calm down honey… some water would be fine…'_

'…_but water is so boring…' He replied sadly._

'_It's not boring honey… it's refreshing…' I smiled again, while John knocked on the door and entered to us._

'_I heart someone jumping up and down from my study.' He said as he lifted Walter up and kissed his son. 'I asked you to keep Sera company Wills not ta drive her crazy.'_

'_It's fine John…' I smiled, as I tried standing up again. 'He was excited about your hot milk…'_

'_Woww… where are you going?' He said again as he made two steps and held me down from my shoulders._

'_Daddy I told her not to get up…'_

'_John… I'm fine… I just need some water.'_

'_I'll get you some… you stay in bed… ok?' He replied again as I heard my grandparents voice from downstairs._

* * *

'_Hello darling!' Grandma Grace greeted, while John sat Walter back to his feet and instructed him to go to the kitchen. 'How are you feeling?' She asked again while grandpa remained at the door with a pained look on his face._

'_I'm ok grandma…' I smiled._

'_She keeps wanting to move around.' John replied as he came beside me and placed back the covers on top of me. _

'_I'm tired in bed grandma!' I tried justifying my argument while finally grandpa Carrick moved forward. _

'_We missed you honey!' He smiled as he also came forward and kissed my forehead and caressed my cheek. _

'_How are mum and dad?' I asked them. I had been missing them more and more these days. I only received 2 calls from them during the time I was at the Flynn's except for the constant email that I kept receiving from dad. They sometimes made me smile. _

'_They're missing you a lot…' Grandma replied again. 'John, can I speak to you outside for a minute?' She said again while they both left and entered again few minutes later._

'_Carrick…' She started as they talked visually._

'_What is it?' I asked._

'_Honey… John, your parents and us, decided that you should be place on a feeding tube…' Grandpa explained._

'_What?'_

'_Honey…' John replied again. '… you need it… I explained this to you… you need to gain weight…' _

'_Please John…' I begged him while he hugged me gently._

'_I'll be here with you… but you need this...' He replied gently. 'I know it's hard… but it will all get better I promise…'_

_**End of flashback**_

* * *

He remained with me the whole time. I was embarrassed going around with the tube in my nose. It was uncomfortable… very uncomfortable… but they didn't leave me any other choice. I went downstairs and decided to make them some breakfast. I always loved cooking, and back at home I used to help Gail with many things. The least I could do to thank them is give them a home cooked meal. I took out the ingredients for the pancakes and started following everything from the recipe I had found on the internet, but soon my phone started buzzing.

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: Morning peanut!  
Date: March 29th 2014 06.15  
To: Sera

Rise and shine peanut! Hope you are still sleeping at this hour, but your mother and I can't wait to spend this day with you! We missed you honey.

Dad xx

* * *

His e-mail made me smile. Maybe they were becoming to what they were ones? I was hoping that deep down inside. In reality, although they had their own flaws, I still loved them dearly… I just wish for them to love me as I am.

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: Morning dad (Too excited and energetic for a morning!)  
Date: March 29th 2014 06.19  
To: Dad

Sorry to burst your bubble… but I couldn't get some sleep so woke up early and am making some breakfast for the Flynn's… They're not up so I can get away with moving around for some time…

I missed you too dad... **BOTH** OF YOU!

Sera…

* * *

I pressed the send button and returned to my chore. I placed the pan on the blazing burner, and put the pancake mixture into the pan. It wasn't something great… but at least Rhian could take it easy. I felt my leg starting to burn, but I still pushed through the pain. Soon my phone buzzed again.

* * *

From: Mum  
Subject: Teasing your father R.O.C.K.S!  
Date: March 29th 2014 06.22  
To: Sera

Morning honey… your father literally has a frown on his face… You have to teach me your teasing methods! :p

Honey, get something warm with you… it may be cold today…

See you soon dear! :)

Mum xxx

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: You don't need my lessons! You do it on your own!  
Date: March 29th 2014 06.25  
To: Mum

Tell dad to /'turn your frown upside down!'/ Am watching too much Disney channel with Walter and Derek these days!

Don't worry… I have everything prepared…

Um… at what time are you coming?

Sera… xx

* * *

From: Mum  
Subject: At around 7.30am  
Date: March 29th 2014 06.22  
To: Sera

He told you that you won't escape his wrought today :p… We missed you honey… Now GET SOME REST before we go out…

Mum xxxx

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: Not amused Sera! :p  
Date: March 29th 2014 06.30  
To: Sera

I may have to ask John to limit your tv viewing programmes :p ! but you made me smile kiddo! :) Do as your mother told you … GET SOME REST peanut!

See you soon! :)

Dad xxx

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: SHOUTY CAPS!  
Date: March 29th 2014 06.34  
To: Mum; Dad

Mum – Missed you too mum! :) …

Dad – Yes I can escape your wrought… and I don't think you can do that dad! Glad I made you smile… at least better than your usual frowns and stern looks… and glares… (mum knows what I'm talking about here!)

Both – I will… but I better get back to cooking… don't want to give the Flynn's burnt pancakes (remind you of something dad? I recall you do… **fire extinguisher incident and you freaking out [like always]**

Sera xx

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: NOOOO  
Date: March 29th 2014 06.15  
To: Sera

Your mother agreed with you… I wonder if sometimes both of you gang up on me… Anyhow… see you soon… and please get some rest…

Love you peanut!

Dad xxxx

* * *

I felt someone from behind me grabbing my attention. I dropped my phone on the floor and felt my heart beating at a 1000 miles per hour. I turned around only to find John behind me.

'Hey… relax honey!' He greeted as he bent down to my level and looked straight into my eyes. 'I came to check in your room and you weren't there… Are you ok?'

'Yeah…' I smiled as I picked up my phone and switched it back on. 'I wanted to do you some breakfast.'

'Sera… you know you are not supposed to do strenuous work!' He replied as he guided me to a nearby chair, while he switched off the now well-cooked pancakes. 'I appreciate the thought…but your health comes first.' He replied again as he moved to the cupboard and brought a syringe and a bag.

'I'm fine John.' I replied again as he took the end of the tube and placed the syringe at the edge of the tube. He pulled some fluid and quickly pushed it back.

'I know this is uncomfortable.' He said again as he took out the syringe and attached the end of the tube of the bag to the tube in my nose.

'How long do I have to have this?'

'Till you gain some considerable amount of weight… you dangerously malnourished Sera… I'm still appalled how your body is still functioning…'

**John's POV**

'You'll learn how to push through the pain John…' She admitted while I placed the bag above her head and took a seat beside her.

'What do you mean Sera?'

'Isn't it obvious?! I mean… we all learn how to push through stress… pull an all-nighters… cram... run when we feel lactic acid building up… We push through emotions… we push through every pain that is more hurtful than physical one…' She started. 'It's not how we perceive the pain… the feelings… it's how we all show it.'

'Honey… emotional pain will always be part of our lives. You're still growing up…'

'It's not that John…'

'Than what is it honey?' I replied as I removed a lock of her hair from her face.

'I look at my parents… at one point they're this happy couple like now… and then… once they see that everything is back to normal they return to what they were… I just want them to be happy… but I don't know how…'

'That is not in your decision to make munchkin… I know you love your parents… but they have to work for it!' I relied again. 'Let me ask you something… is that why you cut?'

'I… I don't cut anymore…' She quickly dismissed.

'Sera… you don't have to hide it with me… I'm not judging you…' I replied again as I reached forward for her arm before she tried pulling it away. 'No… leave it Sera… I've held you close all night and although you were afraid I proved to you that I would never ever hurt you…'

'It gives me a rush John… It's better than drugs…'

'How do you know what drugs feel like?' I asked her. She said the statement which probably meant she tried it.

'Nothing…' she relied again as she let her head drop.

'Sera!' I warned. 'You can either tell me, or I can have Christian and he will get it out of you.'

'You wouldn't.'

'Try me…' I challenged. I knew she was terrified of Christian's controlling ways in finding anything dangerous to her health. I didn't want to scare her… but I had to know what she tried. 'Sera… I need to know what you've taken…'

'John… it was nothing…'

'Sera…' I warned again. 'You need to tell me…'

'It was nothing… I smoked weed once… but didn't like the effects… I mean yes… you feel high… but it doesn't last long…'

'What else?'

'Nothing passes by you does it?' She asked almost in disbelief. I could sense there was more… and the worst part is that Christian has all that security over her and yet he never discovered about this. 'I had some happy pills for some time… but stopped… I realised they weren't quite helping.'

'From where did you obtain them?'

'A friend of mine…'

'I need a name…'

'No… she's my best friend… I'm not selling her out! Besides she obtained it from someone else…'

'I still need the names…' I asked her again. 'You can also help them.'

'Natalie doesn't do drugs anymore… we stopped together…'

'Taylor's daughter?'

'Yeah…' She admitted. 'I feel sorry for Taylor. He loves her immensely and dearly. He makes time for her… her drops everything for her… and yet she still pushes him and grumbles about him…' She commented. 'I'd give anything to have a considerate father like that…'

'Christian loves you…'

'Since when did he start getting closer to me John? Since I was close to death… then I went back home and things kind of returned to what they were… What guarantee do I have that we'll remain close like that again?' she asked in doubted

'You don't… which is why I want you to be able to face your parents and tell them everything…'

'I can't…'

'Why Sera?'

'…because… because I don't want to hurt them…'

'Just because you tell them what you feel, doesn't mean you're going to hurt them honey!' I encouraged. 'You need to let them know how you feel…you need to show them were you feel that they went wrong with you…'

'What if they don't accept it John? You know how they are… They end up making it all about themselves…'

'Let me tell you what… We'll do a family session next week, and we'll see how things go… ok?' I encouraged. 'I'll remain with you always… I won't leave your side…'

'Today you won't be… they seem excited and happy to see me…'

'What about you? How do you feel?' I asked her again. 'It's you who concerns me…'

'I don't know… Part of me wants to see them… part of me wants to be able to tell them everything…'

'What about the other part?'

'I don't know… I feel like they've left me alone… I don't feel quite comfortable talking openly with them. Dad has his control issues… He gets himself overworked over the littlest thing… and mum… well… she ends up siding with dad… what if they argue again? What if I'm in the way?' She started while her eyes darted everywhere.

'Hey… calm down… You are not a burden and their arguments aren't your fault… they have to be adults and face everything… I know it is hard seeing your parents like that… but know that it is not your fault!...' I encouraged as I looked at the time and realized that it was already 7.15am. Her bag was almost finished and moved forward and replaced it with a liquid for the tube to remain clean. 'They're soon here… I'd like you to rest a bit for now… ok?' I said again as I helped her up and moved her to the couch. 'Lie down and rest honey…' I smiled as I kissed her forehead.

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	82. Chapter 81

**Derek's POV**

'So you're not going to be here today?' I asked her sadly.

'I'm spending my day with my parents Derek…' She smiled back while she hugged me. She felt strange… she used to be more cuddly and soft… now she's cold as ice and hard as a rock. I rarely saw her smile… rarely saw the Sera I used to know. She's always sad. Mummy and daddy said that someone hurt her very bad, and that she still doesn't want to talk about it. I can't understand… Can't she talk about it with me and Walter? We always told her everything…

'Sera, can I ask you something?' Will asked as he stood up on the couch while he pulled slowly at the pipe from her nose.

'Sure honey…' She replied again while she removed his hand from it. '…be gently with that…'

'Does it hurt?'

'What hurts? She asked.

'The pipe…' I continued.

'Not really… it's uncomfortable… and makes me want to keep sneezing…' She replied back. '…but on the whole it's ok. You feel the pain when it is inserted and taken out.'

'I'm going to miss you Sera!' I hugged her tight.

'Honey, I'll soon be back…' She replied back. 'Listen… what do you say if I call you sometime? And I'll take plenty of pictures of the beach and countryside… and I'll show you how my day was?'

'Will you bring me candy?' Walter jumped up and down.

'I'll have to ask your parents about that Walter!' She replied back while mum joined us.

**Sera's POV**

'Ask me what Sera?' Rhian asked while she entered and took Walter into her arms while dropping a kiss on his forehead and putting him on his feet.

'He asked me for some candy. Is it ok if I bring both some please?' I asked her gently while she came to take my temperature.

'Still low…' She replied again as she took a note on a chart she was carrying. '... of course you can honey!' She smiled. '…but you two know that you shouldn't be greedy!'

'Sorry…' They apologized.

'It's ok… really…' I smiled while we heard the doorbell ring.

**John's POV**

I kept thinking about what she told me in the morning. If I never expected one thing from her was that she would never mess up with drugs. She had to be really miserable to put herself in that much danger. She knows all of the dangers of drugs. The only positive thing I saw was that she was sensible enough to stop it… I couldn't help but think… _/'What if she continued doing them? And what will keep her from starting over again? I've… we've all just taken her control… She's attached to her friend at the hip… what if she puts her in danger… I had to tell Christian about this whether… he could talk to Taylor…'/._ Soon the doorbell took me out of my deep trance.

'I'll get it…' I said as I went to get the door. 'Hey… Come in…' I greeted to both Ana and Christian.

'Thanks for today…' Ana started.

'We needed this…' Christian continued.

'I know… however I would like to speak to you Christian before you all head out.' I replied while we all moved to the kitchen.

'Is everything ok?'

'Yeah… we need to discuss how you're handling the feeding tube for the day… and there is another matter at hand that I'd like to straighten out…' I said again while Rhian joined us in the kitchen. 'Where are the kids Rhian?'

'Still with Sera… Her temperature is still very low…' She replied back.

'Come with me Christian…' I replied while I let the women to themselves. I saw him stop in the middle of stairs. He held onto the railings looking towards the couch were the three kids were playing and talking. I saw her genuine smile back. She was actually having fun with both Walter and Derek. I missed that smile, and I could see Christian's eyes glistening.

'She hasn't smiled like that in years!' He noted.

'Kids bring out the best from all of us Christian…' I replied again as I squeezed his shoulder.

'I still don't understand… how did this happen?'

'We'll talk in my study Christian…' I replied again as we made our way.

* * *

'Christian, I wanted to talk to you for various reasons.' I started as I took my seat and Christian took his seat in front of me. 'Let us start with the feeding tube… Christian do you think you or Ana can handle with doing the procedure yourself?'

'Do you think it's a good idea?'

'That's why I'm asking. I've already administered a bag myself this morning. If you're not ready to take the responsibility of something like this, I'd suggest that you administer something that is high calorific like a juice or smoothie… still from the feeding tube. You'll have to use a syringe.'

'I can handle that. What kind of drink should I give her? Anything specific?'

'Christian I'm leaving that in your hands. She is your daughter and will always remain yours.'

'I feel like I've abandoned her… I watched the whole DVD…'

'…and how do you feel about it Christian?'

'I brought it with me… take a look at it…' He replied as he handed me the CD copy he never gave me. 'I thought things couldn't be worse… that just proved me otherwise…I lost my daughter… I read her journals…'

'Christian… I'm sure you realise that sometimes as a family you've both let anger get the best of you… and Sera was always in the middle.'

'You know… while watching that… I remembered… remembered when I spanked her… I spanked her so hard that I left marks on her… marks on my daughter… my own flesh and blood…' He replied desperately. 'She was afraid of me touching her… or even hugging her… her physical contact got colder and colder by time…'

'What do you mean Christian?'

'You know how I am with control John… I lost it… and for the first time she had stood up to me… I saw red… and in a split second… I… I found myself belting her…' He admitted. '…the worst is… that it was relieving… I never spanked her to hurt her… but that time… it was relief…'

'Christian is that why you weren't talking to her when she was raped?'

'Yes… I was afraid I could hurt her again… she wouldn't handle it… and the little she was trying to talk to me would literally fade away to nothing, and she wouldn't want me to be a father to her…'

'Have you talked to her about this?'

'No… she always tries to avoid talks about everything… She told me about her rape… but she ended up with a panic attack… I was glad she finally started to talk… opening up to me… but at what cost John?'

'There's something else I'd like to talk to you about Christian.' I replied again while I rested my back to the chair. '…I know this will probably make you see red…'

'What is it?'

'I don't know if you've ever realised this… but… I think you should have a talk with Taylor about his daughter…'

'Why?'

'Well… both messed up with drugs…'

'What do you mean 'messed up with drugs' John?' He sternly replied as he pursed his lips in a tight line.

'I mean they've experimented with drugs. Sera was sensible enough to stop… Natalie… well… she worries me in another way… I've seen her… and I've talked to her…' I reasoned with him. 'Christian, do not blame yourself… you need to realise Sera was unhappy and she was starting to experiment with things. She found that starving and cutting would be a better control than drugs…'

'…and how can I not John?' He replied as he stood up and paced around. 'Fuck! I have all that security… all those tracking devices… a 24/7 body guard on her tail… and she managed to do drugs? What kind of father am I to not having noticed the effects?' He reasoned. 'How do you know she did drugs?'

'A statement she told me got me wondering…'

'…and what did she do?'

'Weed, and happy pill…'

'…great… Not only she's fucking on self-destruction mode… but she's also putting herself in a dangerously amount of danger…'

'Christian… stop this… she doesn't do drugs anymore… and if I don't trust her in anything were it comes to food and her feelings, I trust her blindly in this...' I scolded. 'Christian you need to be there for her right now… She needs a strong father who she can lean on. I am trying to be a figure for her… are you going to be a father to her Christian? A father who she can lean on when she needs?'

'Of course I want to be… She's my only daughter…' He reasoned. 'I love her…'

'Good… then today don't mention this to her… and instead be a family like you all were once… She needs to see that she can rely on you all…' I replied. 'Not to mention, she's already frustrated that she cannot stand on her feet for that long. I should let you know that at times you may have to carry her…'

'How did she become this weak?'

'Christian… anorexia tends to go unnoticed. People with eating disorders learn how to hide things… learn how to hold on to the pain and push themselves to the limit… Sera did the same… but now things are catching up to her, and her physical body isn't keeping up with the emotional and control. She used to control anorexia… but the illness keeps getting stronger and stronger… until Sera is left helpless and weak… she still doesn't see it… and that is exactly why I've taken all the control away. Christian you and Ana gave up on her… whether you realise it or not… you've given up and haven't fought it with her…' I explained. 'Sera saw you lenient and easily deceived… you both didn't push her enough and sit with her… before I decided that this was the best option I used to spend more than 5 hours on the table waiting for her to make a move, and when she didn't manage, I had to feed her like a baby… sometimes even having to calm her down because it was overwhelming to her… and when she finally managed to eat something I had to literally keep her… almost restraining her from going to throw it all up again. I used to sit with her for almost an hour on the couch… talking or even helping her studying… or even just simply her laying down with her head on my chest while we watched some TV. She needs you to both be there as parents… and I promise you, she will beg you not to give her anything not even water… but you both have to be strong… you both have to take the control away, because once it's given the littlest chance, it will rise up stronger and stronger…'

'What if she hates me?'

'Christian do you honestly believe that? If anything you're going to show her that you want her… she believes that she deserves to die slowly and painfully… she believes that she deserves to starve… make her believe otherwise… she loves you both very much… but you need to fight for her…' I replied again while I opened the drawer and handed him a bag with an extra set of sterilized syringe for him to be able to administer everything. 'You have everything here... Just pull the plunger to get the liquids in the syringe and then push it into the tube.' I instructed.

'When should I give it to her?'

'You have to administer 4 in the least of 250ml each… It's really your choice how you want to go. I can assure you she will try to negotiate, and tell you that she doesn't need it… but you both have to be stern Christian. Rhian is advising Ana about certain things as well, which is why we decided to talk to you separately.' I replied again while we both stood up. 'I've taken too much time from your day already…'

'Thanks John…' He said.

'For what?' I asked confused.

'For taking care of my daughter when Ana and I couldn't… We've left her… and you've been there for her to give her something to hold on to…'

'Christian… I've told you… I love her… we all do… I count her as a Flynn…' I stated. 'If things in your family are going to remain the same… I will be fighting you over her full custody Christian… I'm not threatening you or anything… but she deserves more than what she had to go through… I'm raising two kids with Rhian… Sera would be a great addition to this family Christian.'

'You would do that? Take my daughter from me… from us?'

'If the need be Christian, yes I will… you can bring the best lawyers in the world. You know I will win… her health condition and everything we have as proof would give me her full custody…' I challenged. 'Christian… you and Ana are no longer a couple where you can have sex and make love or fuck… you have a daughter for God's sake… she needs to be a priority in both your lives.'

'She is John!'

'Then prove it… make her feel like one!' I finished.

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**Christian's POV**

She had to hold on to me to walk, else she would have tripped. I couldn't believe that what I had in my arms was my daughter. She was very sick… She was very weak… and yet they had to put her again on the frikkin' tube. It was stuck to her cheek with a piece of adhesive skin tape and the tube was fully inserted into her nostril to her stomach.

I kept checking over her in the rear view mirror. She didn't say a word in the whole drive. She kept listening but never making a stand. Ana also took a look from the mirror and gave me a look. I looked where she was staring and there I saw her… she was trying to pull scabs from her arm, while pulling skin from beside her nails.

'Sera… can you please stop picking at your skin peanut?' I asked her gently while I saw her face turn to surprise. I had never told her to do anything. She quickly placed her hands under her legs.

'Where are we going? We've been driving for 20 minutes for sure…' She asked in a very tiny voice.

'We're going to were you learned how to swim honey…' Ana replied smiling as she reached to squeeze our daughter's leg.

'I remember…' She smiled. 'Mum… do you remember when I tripped on the BBQ while dad was about to get some barrel with sea water for support?'

'Of course I do… I also recall your first discovery of starfishes. You caught in your hands imagining it some kind of toy, and when it moved in your hands you dropped it and started crying…'

'I got scared mum…' She replied.

'I remember I came to you and you were afraid to go swimming again.' I joked.

'I'm still afraid of starfishes…' She admitted.

'I'll tell you what peanut…' I suggested as I took the next turn and parked the car. 'We'll catch some crabs, like when you were younger, and then if we find a star fish, we'll admire it…' I encouraged. 'What do you say peanut?'

'Um… ok… sounds fun…' She smiled as she took her seat-belt off and opened the door the gently. I moved to the luggage boot and took out two large bags that we had prepared. I removed my suit jacket and quickly changed my black Armani shoes to a more comfortable pair. I looked over my daughter while I was closing and locking the doors. She was staring far ahead… lost into her own thoughts with Ana by her side fearing that she would collapse on us any second. She gave me a look that meant thousand words.

'Come on…' I smiled as we started walking down the stairs only to find the rocks in our way. At first it was easy to all of us, but soon felt two tiny hands on my back. I dropped the bags immediately and held my daughter before falling down. 'Honey… are you ok?' I asked concerned.

'Mhmm…' She replied while she tried making another pace, but her legs failed her. 'Dammit…'

'Sera, don't get discouraged…' Ana encouraged as she picked up the two bags while Ana gave me a look. I already had the idea she suggested with her eyes.

'Jump…' I said I gave her my back, and put her on my back. 'I'll give you a piggy back ride peanut…' I smiled while she rested her head on my shoulder. She was so light… lighter than she was younger… or to put it better… since I had last given her the piggy back ride. We soon arrived to our favourite spot. I placed my daughter gently back to her feet, and held her from her back for support while Ana placed the three towels on the almost flat ground. I helped Sera to sit on her favourite blue towel. Gail had given it to her, knowing that we all shared a love for the beach, so on her first swimming lesson, Gail had given her the towel for good luck. We all joined her. I pulled her close to me. I missed having her in my arms. I missed having to smell her coconut hair. I missed having my daughter… we both did. Ana soon came to join us. I could feel her flinching… but she soon relaxed into our embrace.

'We missed you honey!' Ana started.

'I did too mum…' She replied.

'You know…' I continued as I gave her some space to breath. '…you still have to take my wrought today blondey!' I teased.

'Oh… are you still holding on to that!' She mockingly replied.

'Well… I haven't seen my daughter in weeks… I missed her…'

'You could have visited…'

'We thought it would be best for you if you got some space honey…' Ana replied.

'What about you mum?'

'What about me?'

'Come on mum… how was… you know… rehab? Did you stop for real?'

'This time yes… I've acknowledged my problems and am working to fix them…' she replied.

'… and what about you two?'

'What do you mean?' I asked her gently.

'… are you still going to fight and argue all the time?'

'We're working on it honey…' We both replied in unison.

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	83. Chapter 82

**Ana's POV**

The day seemed to be going great. We were actually talking as a family. Sera was smiling, and not the smile she gave to hide everything… but it seemed that she was smiling from the inside slowly. I could see her being honest for once.

'Mum?' she asked gently.

'Yes munchkin?'

'Can I go for a walk?... I'm tired in the same position...'

'Um... It's not that I don't want you to... but I don't want you to get hurt...' I replied thoughtfully. She asked me when Christian wasn't there because she knew he would have said no... With me it was different... She knew she could get away with things.

'I won't be long mum... I'll just move around a little... Pleaseee pretty please with the cherry on top!' she begged as she came forward and kissed my cheek.

'Damn... You got me all mushy now…'

'Please mummy! I won't be long I promise...'

'Ok... Ok... But don't go too far...' I replied finally giving in to her plea. 'Do you want me to come with you?'

'No mum... It's fine...' she smiled as I helped her up to her feet.

'Don't take long...'

'I won't...' She replied back.

I saw her move slowly hoping that she won't fall. Her legs were so tiny. They could barely function as legs should. Her body had literally digested her muscles, and it broke my heart. I saw her move more far away to were the beach was, but soon Christian came from behind me taking me out of my thoughts.

'Geez! You scared me!' I said while he dropped a passionate kiss on my lips.

'I love scaring you… you know… that mini fright…' He replied. 'Here… your ice-cream…' he smiled as he handed it to me.

**Christian's POV**

'Where's Sera?' I asked as I placed everything beside us.

'She wanted to go for a small walk…' Ana replied as she motioned to where she was walking.

'Is she ok?'

'Yes…she needs some time Christian…' She replied again while I saw her from far ahead slowing down until she finally sat to rest.

'I'll go beside her… I'll be right back baby…' I smiled as I kissed her again. 'Enjoy that ice cream…' I teased while she spooned me some and I kissed her back with the chill on my mouth.

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**Sera's POV**

I look far ahead to the horizon where the sky finally meets the sea. It's one of the greatest world illusions that we humans… that we mortals do have… I look towards it and wonder how everything is… illusions… my life is full of that… I wish it were as simple as a flower… I sometimes was in full contradictions on what is real and what is not. Everything seemed to be passing by a blur… it's like I was out of myself… I couldn't feel much… I just wanted to be happy again…

Today wasn't so bad with my parents… but again… is this an illusion? Are they going to be always like this or is this only a façade?

**Christian's POV**

'Penny for your thoughts?' I asked her taking her out of her deep trance while I sat beside her. 'It's beautiful here…'

'Mhmm…' She replied gently.

'You know… I remember when we both used to run here… and throw sand to each other… and over door I taught you how to jump… I remember you were absolutely scared on jumping. I promised you I'll catch you…'

'…you promised not to ever let me fall…' She replied.

'Yeah… and Jason… I remember he never wanted to get out of the water…'

'…and remember when mum and I brought a bucket filled with water while you were sleeping slash sunbathing?'

'Tell me about that! You took out 10 years from my life…'

'…and I enjoyed seeing you jump three feet off the towel…'

'…and I chased you and your mother till you both were again wet in the beach.'

'I miss those time daddy…' She admitted as I placed my arm protectively around her shoulder.

'I do too… I miss my old daughter…' I replied again. 'Sera… please… tell me… what are you feeling?'

'I… I still haven't figured that out… I want to know… but I feel so out of myself… it's like I'm watching my life as a movie… it's like I'm already dead… I am dead inside…' She said again while I hugged her and hid her face into my chest.

'I'm sorry we haven't been there for you Sera…' I replied chokingly. 'I'm very sorry for making you like this… I miss my old daughter… and I lost all that time… only to realize that I may not have that much time left with you…'

'Dad…'

'No… listen to me Sera…' I insisted again. 'When you were born I made a promise to myself to protect you and love you no matter what… but when you started growing up, I started dishonouring that promise… and look where it got you… your brother was killed because of me… and I didn't realize the pain you were in… I thought that if I made myself scarce from you I would have decreased any potential danger. I was trying to protect you from the outside world… only to have forgotten that I couldn't protect you from yourself…' I continued. 'This illness… disease that is consuming you, is killing you slowly and painfully… I cannot just control this… I wish I can't take this pain from you and make you forget all the hurtful things I said and did to you…'

'Dad… please stop…' She said in tears.

'Peanut… I love you… your mother and I always had… We're sorry we've let our marriage problems get in the way… we left you alone when you needed us the most… I'm sorry…' I replied again. 'I just wish you can call me daddy as you used to before… I wish you can tell me that you love me… I wish I can have my daughter back… but this monster is eating you from the inside… and I miss what we used to be… what we used to have… you were once a daddy's girl… my baby girl… and now…'

'I'm sorry dad… I never wanted this to get this far… I always thought that I can do it for some time and then stop… I always said that to myself… I always did… I convinced myself that I can stop… but when time went by… I couldn't stop…' She admitted. 'I wanted to die… I want to die and end this all… I'm tired of having to keep counting everything… having to have everything in perfect order… I just want to be happy and carefree like I once was… I want to be able to live… I want to look at food and not be afraid of it… I want to eat daddy… I really do… but I can't…' She cried. 'Please dad… don't let me die… don't leave me alone…'

'Honey… I promise I won't!' I said again as I lifted her on my lap and rocked her gently while rubbing her back in smooth circles. 'Sera… I'd like to know… don't you feel hungry? I mean… how do you do it?'

'It's hard to explain dad… I do feel my stomach in pain… but when it grumbles… it feels better… I feel better…' She replied again. 'You know… back at home… I tried eating… I really have… but when I went towards it… I got scared and left it… The other time… I started to eat… but I binged… I couldn't stop…'

'That's because you let yourself get too much hungry…'

'No dad… it's not that… it's just… I lost control… Gail saw me… and she tried holding me from… from purging it. She hugged me and tried holding me on the couch… but… I couldn't keep it down… my stomach hurt… I simply made one run to the bathroom…' She replied again while I closed my eyes in pain and hugged her tighter. 'It's easier like this dad… I don't have to worry about controlling…'

'…and I was too blind to see this…'

'Dad… don't blame yourself… please don't…'

'How can I not Sera? I look at you and my heart breaks… you're skin and bones… you barely have the energy to walk… and you're on a feeding tube…' I broke down. '…parents are supposed to be worrying about whom guy you'll be dating… I am supposed to keep you safe from any jerks… not allowing you to get hurt from any creep… and yet… I can't protect you from yourself Sera… I was too busy pushing you away that I didn't realize all this damage…'

'I'm sorry dad… I really am… I never wanted you to feel like this…'

'I just want you to be happy… I want you to be able to come to me and tell me anything that is on your mind…'

'I want that too dad…' She replied again as she searched for my hand and tangled her fingers to mine. 'Dad… please… don't give up on me… I… I need you!'

'I won't! I promise I won't ever leave you again… and neither your mother will…' I said again as I squeezed her hand gently. 'I'm never leaving alone…' I emphasized.

'You mean it?'

'I do… I promise peanut…'

'I love you dad…'

'I love you too Sera… I love you very much!' I replied feeling relieved that she could finally say it and mean it…

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	84. Chapter 83

I apologize for not having updated yesterday, but have been rather busy these days... Tomorrow I'll update again :) ...

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**Sera's POV**

For once I've felt closer to dad. He talked openly… and I think he spoke truly… I think I never felt him talk with this much honesty. There was something in him that convinced me that this time he was going to be there. But I couldn't help wondering… Was my very deep wish of seeing my parents as a family again affecting my judgement? Was I making a big deal out of it? How was I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to totally believe this or not? What about mum? She still hadn't quite talked to me… she seemed nice, and more considerate, but she still didn't ask anything… which isn't normal for her. Especially while dad was injecting the smoothie. I grumbled that I didn't like the flavour and brought up any excuse… but he still forced me to… his words were that I wouldn't be tasting it… I will only be having it.

I closed my eyes and rested my head to the back seat while dad was driving us to somewhere. I wasn't quite listening to were he said. I was still too lost in my mind. My heart… my mind flew to the deepest places that one could dream of. I kept imagining my childhood with them. The way that my father used to love… the way my mother used to hold me close to her… the way both loved each other unconditionally… the way we all used to interact as a family… the way we used to be happy… the way we never were afraid to talk to each other and stick up for each other… tease each other and drive both mum and dad nuts with anything… whether just to tease them or even to just see dad getting on his nerves and becoming red. Jason and I both used to love doing that… We could see dad get worried and freak out… I remember we once pranked dad. We had told Taylor and Gail and mum to hide Jason in the cupboard. We told dad that Jason wasn't at school and then, while dad was freaking out, Jason came out from the kitchen cupboard and called him… I remember I never saw him relieved. We all laughed at dad's reaction. I admit… It was a bit of an excessive prank… but that wasn't a problem… because we knew we loved each other…

I remember mum wanting to do everything together. She always explained to me how much she wanted a girl to be able to share everything with her… everything that Grandma Carla couldn't do with her. I remember our awkward period talk… dad had to take over because mum seemed to be shy in explaining certain details… If it was a reddening face situation for her, what was for me? Having to have everything explained by my own father! But she always made sure to be there for everything. I remember the first bra shopping I had with her. I couldn't understand the need of having such underwear. The first sports bra I had ended up more as an undershirt… I kept pulling it and pulling it until it finally resembled a shirt. I couldn't get the hang of them and it drove me nuts. She would simply remain there and laugh, until finally she would come beside me and help me fix it. I remember the first talk she gave me about guys and how they may break our hearts… how now everything is plain sailing, and how crushes may turn into something else… but the best relationships are those unexpected. Guess she was talking from her experience. What if Aunt Kate went to the interview that day? Would she have met dad? Wow… that was truly unexpected….

I started losing myself into sleep…

**Christian's POV**

I wish I can have all that time back… I still have the vivid image of tucking her into bed… I remember kissing her on her forehead each and every night… I remember holding her through the night comforting her when school wasn't easy and the kids weren't nice to her. I remembered all those times Ana and I were truly happy… were truly in a family… Guess this was our wakeup call that maybe not everything is plain sailing… that there is something wrong… that we should be better… that we shouldn't take anything for granted… we took our daughter that way… and look were it ended her…. It's costing her life… what does money and wealth mean when you don't have what truly matters? – Love, and family – I blame myself… I could have been a better father… I lost Jason… We lost Jason… and we didn't realise that our daughter needed someone.

I looked at the rear-view mirror and see her all quiet and closed to herself. I remembered how much she loved balloons… I used to constantly buy her new ones every time we went out… and right when I handed them to her, she would let them go… reaching the sky… it drove Ana mad with it. But I loved seeing her enjoy the little innocent things a girl her age enjoyed. I wanted to stop time and let her remain at the age of 6… where we could take her anywhere with us… where I could hold her close to me and protect her… be her knight in shining armour… be the one that chased the monster from under her bed… be a father…

I brought back memories of when she used to crawl up to our bed every morning. I used to love to be woken up by her voice… I used to love listening Ana and her conveying plans, and making jokes on me… I used to love to find little notes from both my wife and her on how much they love me… we used to make simple gestures that meant the world to us… I still have my work office filled with drawings that she used to make back when she was younger and used to stay with me at work till we got home… I still have another drawer in my home office… or study as everyone calls it… with their notes… their crafts… Jason's and Sera's drawings… Ana's little notes with the kids… I used to love listening to her imaginative innocent dreams. Now her dreams are all tormented. Where has that time gone? What happened to it? I want it back… I want my family back… I want my daughter back… I want her smile back… I want her life back… I want my adorable Sera back…I closed my eyes for a second as the lights turned red.

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_**Flashback - November 2004**_

'_Daddy?' She asked as she go up to a seating position from her bd._

'_Yeah sweetie…' I replied as I turned at the door._

'_If I got hurt… would you fix me?' She asked gently. She was still afraid after breaking her arm into 3 different places._

'_Yes I would.' I simply answered as I smiled at her._

'_You wouldn't let me die?' She asked again in a tiny voice._

'_You are the most important thing to me on this earth and I would do everything to make you better…' I said while I moved forward to her and picked her up hugging her close to me. ' Everything!' I emphasised again as I kissed her cheek. _

'_I love you daddy!'_

'_I love you sweet heart…' I replied as I hugged her closer to me not wanting to let my baby girl go._

_**End of Flashback**_

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How can I fix her? I wish I can... I haven't been a father to her... and look where she is now... stuck in this isolated place... I promised her to never let her die and always make her better... and I will... even if it's the last thing I'll do... I'll fix my daughter... I'll fix Sera...

**Ana's POV**

It broke my heart seeing Christian having the guts to inject the syringe. She didn't look at neither of us. I could see shame over her face… and I couldn't understand it. We're her parents… She's not supposed to be ashamed of us… I look at her and realise that I have nothing anymore… she trusts her father more than she does me… she talks to him more than she does me… maybe I shouldn't be a part of her life anymore… but she loves me… or does she? Dammit I'm her mother… she used to come to me for everything… for every single thing… and now… she gets away with saying everything to Christian. _/What are we doing still waiting at the lights?/ I finally realized._

'Christian!' I called him grabbing his attention.

'What?'

'The lights are green…' I answered.

'Yeah…' He replied. 'Are you ok baby?' He asked while I looked at the back seat and saw her eyes closed, pale face, with fine hair all over her.

'She doesn't look her anymore…'

'We'll talk home Ana…' He simply replied.

'She's sleeping… We can talk now…'

'Ana… I don't want to argue…' He replied again.

'No Christian… We're talking now…' I sternly replied again while I saw him pursing his lips into a tight line, while squeezing the steering wheel. 'This is not right! You know her better than me…'

'Ana, just because she talked to me doesn't mean I know her better!'

'Of course it damn does Christian! She prefers you over me… She's siding with you… you're taking her away from me slowly...'

'Dammit Ana! I'm not taking our daughter away from you… I was there for her for this past month… She talked to me because we're building our relationship slowly again… Have you forgotten all those times that you were there for her while I pushed her away?'

'Christian that is not what I meant!'

'No Ana… What you are meaning is that our daughter doesn't love you… am I right?'

'No…' I quickly dened.

'Oh come on Ana! Don't you think I don't see the way you don't talk to her? You were telling me that I was pushing her away… Now you are pushing her away.' He replied while Sera stirred from behind us. 'We'll talk later…'

'Mum?' She asked slowly.

'Yes honey?'

'Were are we going?'

'We're going to rest a bit at home then we're going out shopping… What do you say?'

'Um… ok…' She slowly replied while I saw Christian giving me his stern looks.

'Now can we continue from where we left?' I asked him sternly as we were sure that she was in her room unable to hear us.

'Don't shout… she doesn't need that…' He replied as he closed the door.

'Christian this is not fucking fair!'

'What isn't fair? That our daughter is finally talking to one of us? Ana do you realise the pain I've went through when I've found all those stuff in her room?'

'Not that she's talking… that she's only talking to you Christian! I'm her mother!'

'…and what does that make me? I'm her father Ana… she should be comfortable talking with both of us!'

**Sera's POV**

I looked around my surroundings. Everything seems to be left as I last was here, except for the now different curtains. Gail always changed them every month. She always told me that she hated the same things, and dad had given her the permission to change the curtains as she sees fit. It's actually nice and sweet that she took the time to do my room when I wasn't there. I went towards my desk and grabbed the family photo I opened it and grabbed the key. Something was out of place, but I couldn't quite get my mind onto what it is. I went towards my wall unit and took out my chemistry book, only to find some things misplaced. The CD's weren't there and as I opened the box there was nothing… no laxatives… no blades… no tissues… I started panicking and felt myself shaking. I took the only key and opened my drawer, only to find it empty… no pictures… no collages… no journal… nothing… nada… zilch… I started looking everywhere… opening every drawer, looking through everything…

**Christian's POV**

'Christian this isn't fucking right! My daughter…'

'Shh…' I silenced her.

'No I won't shhh!' She angrily replied.

'Wait Ana… listen!' I noted as I heard rummaging coming from outside, along with some things falling to the floor. I exited the study immediately and went to my daughter's room. I opened the door slowly and gently only to find a very worried and panicked Sera in front of me. Ana was on my heel and remained in shock, as she saw the panic Sera was in.

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	85. Chapter 84

For all those that wanted some drama! :) Enjoy! :D and **Please review**! :D

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**Christian's POV**

'Sera?' I asked gently as I looked around her. 'What are you looking for? What's wrong?' I asked her as I went beside her and tried getting her away from everything.

'No dad!' She replied back while she pushed me away and continued searching. 'Dammit… Where the fuck are they?' She said in gritting teeth.

'Sera!' I grabbed her again from her arms and looked straight to her eyes. 'What. Are. You. Looking. For?' I emphasised slowly as I looked deeply into her eyes only to find an empty scared… terrified pair looking at me. She struggled trying to free herself but I only held her tighter. I took a quick look around from the corner of my eyes, and realised that she went for her box. She didn't find anything… of course… I had found them before her.

'Dad… let me go…' She begged.

'Not until you tell me what you are looking for Sera!' I emphasised again.

'Just some stuff… ok?' She quickly answered as she avoided my stare.

'Stuff? Sera I know what there was in that box… and even that drawer for the matter…'

'What?' She replied. 'No it can't be! You couldn't have!'

'Sera! Calm down!' Ana tried again while she went back to searching.

'No… no… no… you can't find those… no!' She cried in desperation.

'Sera!' I grabbed her again while she fought me. 'Sera stop it! I found them… I took them away…'

'No!'

'Sera… I found everything… your blades… your pictures… your CD's… your journal…' I tried explaining calmly, only to feel her trembling underneath me. I hugged her immediately while she pushed me again.

'You went through my things?' She asked in disbelief. 'Again? What the fuck dad! You can't do that!'

'Hell yes I can Sera! You are my daughter and you live under my roof!'

'Sera, your father did for your own good…' Ana intervened.

'My own good mum? You both haven't been any good of parents and now you want to do things for my good?' She replied as she moved away from us. 'You have no right going through my stuff… my private possessions! You have no right at all going through my thoughts!' She angrily replied.

'Sera! We didn't want to! We had to!' I explained. 'Why are you taking it like this?'

'Why? You're asking me why dad?' She asked in disbelief. 'You now know all my dirty little secrets… now you know what an imperfect daughter you have! Now you know everything and I can't… can't have anything private!' She cried.

'Honey!' Ana replied again. 'We had to do this… you're sick… you're tired… you look pale… you've got circles under your eyes… We just want to understand why you cut… we want to understand how you do it!' Ana replied back.

'Oh… and you do that by taking my journal? By taking my blades?' She angrily replied. 'You want to know how I do it?' She asked again as she turned around and opened a drawer. I still didn't catch up to her on what she was about to do. She took out a mirror and with one swift movement she broke it she grabbed a piece of it and lifted off her sleeve. In one swift movement she dragged it across her arm and a deep line was forming. 'This is how I do it!' She sternly replied. I ran towards her while Ana had to sit down at the scene in front of her eyes. I took away the sharp object from her hand before she sliced it again. Blood was gushing and large puddles on the ground were forming. She seemed out of it and I had to hold her before she crumbled to the ground. She seemed calmer… it was like a drug to her leaving her needy for more. She was smiling in relief and breathing calmly.

'Sera! What have you done?' I asked in concern and worry as I held her close to me while her legs gave out. Blood was still coming out. 'Ana… grab me a towel…' I ordered immediately as I saw my daughter getting paler and paler… 'Sera…' I asked chokingly, as I felt my eyes water. 'Why?'

'You wanted to know how I did it…' She replied slowly. She was out of it… Ana gave me the towel and went straight to the phone to call my mother. She needed stitches for sure, and maybe a sedative. I couldn't believe how this all turned out to be. She was supposed to be in pain… but instead her face was full of relief… She kept blinking slowly. 'Sera… don't sleep!' I insisted as I held her close to me. The white towel was becoming red slowly. She was losing too much blood.

'Grace and Carrick are on their way…' Ana replied slowly as she brought a damp facecloth and placed it on Sera's forehead. 'Honey… why? Why do you do it?' She asked her gently.

'I'm sorry…' She admitted as she curled up in a ball making herself small as possible. '…but I feel better…'

'How better?' I asked her gently.

'Relieved… I was angry… hurt that now… now you know everything…' She replied again as she took a deep breath. Her words were starting to slur. 'It's how I get by… the pain… the stinging… They exceed my threshold value… and there it is… I'm calm…' She smiled weakly as she shivered.

'Sera… you need to stay awake… Can you do that for me?' I asked her gently.

'I'm tired dad…' She relied again.

'I know… but I need you to stay awake for me… ok?' I asked her gently again as I lifted her off and held her close to my chest.

'Christian…' Gail interrupted as I kissed my daughters forehead while Ana kept running her hand up and down Sera's leg. 'Mr. and Mrs. Grey are here…'

'Let them in…' I simply replied while I held her tighter to me.

'Ana… Christian… what happened?' Dad asked while I felt my daughter's body losing its fight and her going into a restful sleep.

'Can we speak outside dad?' I asked him gently as I lifted my daughter off and tucked her in bed gently.

'Yes, of course son…' He replied. 'Grace… will you take care of here or do you need me?'

'I'll do it Carrick…' My mother smiled while Ana moved to our daughter's bed, and sat on the edge of the bed.

* * *

'Christian… What's wrong?' He asked me as we entered my study.

'Dad… I don't know what to do anymore… I'm losing her… We… Ana asked her that she wanted to know how she did it… and she just… she broke the mirror and cut herself… in front of us…'

'Christian you know that this isn't easy on her… She's trying to fix things alone because she's used to fend for herself…'

'It's not that dad…'

'Than what is it son?' He asked me gently as he placed hand on my shoulder and squeezed it tight.

'Dad she… she looked all relieved when… when she sliced herself up… she literally calmed down… and John told me something else today…'

'What is it son?'

'Dad she did drugs…'

'What?'

'Yeah… my same reaction…' I replied as I sat on the couch and rubbed my face. 'What am I to do dad?'

'Do you know what she messed up with?' Dad asked again as he sat beside me.

'Weed and happy pills…' I chocked. 'I'm losing her aren't I?'

'Don't say that Christian!'

'How can I not dad? You were always there for me… both you and mum… for me, Mia, Elliot and even John… and what have I been to my daughter? Nothing…'

'What happened Christian tonight? What triggered this?'

'I… She found out I know about everything…'

'…and by everything you mean?'

'These dad…' I replied as I handed him the pictures, blades… journal…'

* * *

_Dear Bert,_

_Today was the hardest day ever… I had to lie to my best friend. She confronted me and I had to lie to her… but I can't stop this… I'm afraid… everything seems to come automatically… My father hates me… my mother is too busy… both arguing… I just wish to die right now… not wake up the next morning… that would actually be something good… _

_Anyways… off to 'sleep'… maybe the night will take me away with it…_

_Sera xx_

* * *

He read as he looked at me.

'Christian this is serious!'

'I think I realized this by now… How do I make her want us again? Make her want to live again?'

'Christian she needs love… she needs you… both! Ana and you!'

'Dad… How would you have dealt in this situation?'

'Christian, I can tell you how I dealt with you when you had your own share of dark cloud… Your mother and I stuck beside you and never gave up on you… we made it a must that you know that we love you…'

'...but I never starved or cut dad!'

'You did worse Christian… don't you remember all those time you made your mother cry her eyes out? Have you forgotten when we found cocaine in your room?'

'Dad I was holding it for a friend of mine…'

'I know… but you were drinking! And that is still a bad habit Christian! Sera is exactly like you… she is your carbon copy…

'…and that is what scares me… I bottled up all this anger, until Ana finally came and rocked my world…'

'Christian, starvation and cutting although they are dangerous and can kill her aren't the problem. I'm sure John explained this to you. Those are symptoms. The disease is how Sera feels about herself… how she feels about you and Ana… Don't give up on her Christian… it's the least thing she needs right now… you two giving up on her, and she won't have anything… it will crush her and push her to the limit.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

I remained with her while Grace made few stitches. At least she wasn't to feel any pain. She was so out of it. Few hours later, she woke up. Christian remained beside her while I decided to call John and tell him everything. After all he is her psychiatrist. When she woke up she looked a bit better. She looked calm and relieved. Christian looked as if his head was cut off again and sown back on… and I… I was terrified more than ever… the little things could simply trigger her to do anything reckless… and it scared me to the core.

Taking Grace and Carrick's advice, we still continued with the daily plan. We had to at least make her feel loved. She is loved… we both love her… I just wish she would talk to me rather than only her father… I feel left out… I feel abandoned by my own daughter. At around 3.30pm we all headed to the mall. She remained behind me, almost intimated by anything. Her eyes were darting to everywhere… She enclosed herself… I didn't realise it was to bring her such pressure being in a mall. Christian held her protectively from her shoulders while I tried encouraging her, in choosing something she likes… but she was in constant denial on what she likes. I finally helped her chose three outfits.

'Come on… go try it on honey…' I smiled at her while I handed her the dress and she went into the dressing room.

* * *

'What are we going to do?' I asked Christian as I sat beside him holding his hand while he squeezed mine.

'I don't know Ana… I truly don't…'

'We're not going to give up on her!' I insisted.

'Of course we're not Ana! You shouldn't even be thinking that… let alone say it…' He replied. 'What did my mother say?'

'She was lucky she didn't cut further down her wrist… she could have reached her artery… I don't understand… what triggered this? When she was at John's she didn't cut…'

'We triggered it Ana… We know everything… She doesn't have anything in her comfort zone… That is what triggered it…' He replied as our daughter exited the dressing room in a dress that was way too big for her.

* * *

'Mum?' She asked gently as she stood in front of us and I could feel Christian's face cringe in pain. I tried hiding my pain to her skeletal body. One of us had to try and not make a big deal out of things.

'Yes honey…' I smiled as I stood up beside her and guided her to the mirror.

'I think I need a bigger size…' She replied as she tried avoiding the mirror. I looked towards Christian. I didn't know what to answer. A size 0 was falling off her… and she couldn't see it…

'Peanut…' Christian started as he stood up and walked towards us. 'What do you see when you look into the mirror?'

'Dad!' She tried escaping the question while I held her strongly from her shoulders.

'No… Sera… please be honest with us… look in the mirror and tell us… what do you see?' He asked again as he rested himself to the edge of the wall.

She looked at the mirror slowly. I could see she was starting scratching her fingers uncontrollably. I placed my hand over hers and lifted up her face from her chin.

'Honey… we're not judging you… We love you… you know that right?' I told her gently.

'Mhmmm…' she simply replied as she looked towards the mirror. 'I… I see… myself all bloated… fat all over my body… huge thighs... humongous hips… chubby face…' She finally admitted. 'I'm just an ugly person putting this family down…' She said again as she let her head drop.

'Honey! You don't let us down! Never had and never will…'

'I have mum… Look at both of you… look at how both of you are afraid of doing a move… of doing anything… how I'm hurting you…'

'It's not your fault Sera' Christian insisted.

'Please… mum… can we go somewhere else?'

'Of course honey… where do you want to go?'

'…anywhere… but here…' She replied.

* * *

We decided to go to the countryside. We all loved to be in contact with nature. It was something we never missed out on. We remained there playing cards and Remy along with many other things. We talked and had light conversations where finally I could see my daughter's true smile creep on her face again.

At around 7pm we had to head back. She still hadn't eaten nothing nutritious except for the four smoothies Christian managed to get her to have. She had no other choice. They had to be injected. She was exhausted, but at least, I managed to see that my daughter could be happy… could for a moment be true… and not tormented by anything…

The only thought left circling in my mind was _/'I just wish she would talk to me…'/_

* * *

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	86. Chapter 85

**John's POV**

It crushed me seeing her in this state. She hadn't stopped crying since Christian and Ana dropped her off. She loved them… she wanted them… but she felt left out in anything they did… We hadn't told her about everything we found. I didn't want her to deal with that for now. I was still trying to get her talking to me. She was opening up slowly… but I couldn't help thinking that this would set her back few paces. The only good thing is that both Walter and Derek weren't home. They would not have taken Sera's state good. After she showered and was ready for bed I decided that she should have her second bag.

I sat beside her, and while I've administered the second bag for the day, I decided to change the dressing on her wound. Grace called me to give the news. Carrick expressed his feelings. We decided that for a few days she should stay with them. Medically it will help her… but… I had to admit it to myself… I don't want her to go. We all are attached to her, so we decided that she should stay with us for now. It pained me seeing all that over her body. Scars over scars…

* * *

_**Flashback – Few hours earlier**_

'_Do you think it was a good idea that we've let her stay for a whole day John?' Rhian asked as she hugged me from behind._

'_I don't know Rhi… I really don't…' I replied back as I held my cheek forward for her to drop a kiss. 'I can't keep them away from her… They are her parents.'_

'…_and we have Sera's custody. We are more of parents to her than Christian and Ana ever were…'_

'_I know…' I admitted. 'You know Rhian…' I started as I guided her to sit on my lap. 'She was the least person I ever thought would end up this way… I've seen other girls with eating disorders…'_

'_John… you know as much as I do… It's always the least person you expect it from…'_

'…_but she was happy… she was healthy… she used to bright up my day when I visited her when she was younger… Do you remember how much fun we three used to have? And even after Derek was born… She still used to make us both smile with everything…'_

'_I remember John… and I miss those times… I sometimes look at her and don't recognise her… Do you remember when we got married?'_

'_She cried… she thought I won't have any more time for her…'_

'_I promised her that if you don't make time for her I'll kick you in the butt…' She replied smiling. 'I remember she jumped on me hugging me so hard! The kid loves you John…'_

'…_and she loves you Rhian! She communicates with you more than she communicates with Ana…'_

'_We made more time for her than her parents did… She's only related to them by blood…'_

'_Don't let her hear you saying that Rhian… She loves them with all her heart… She wants a family so bad…'_

'_We can give it to her John… I… I'd like to adopt her… If you agree?' she asked slowly._

'…_Christian and Ana won't accept… I… thought about it too… and it does sound appealing…'_

'_Walter and Derek are suspecting things as well. Walter asked me why Sera's parents never visit her or call her… and Derek isn't stupid… He is innocent but not stupid… He knows there is something wrong…'_

'_Funny… Walter and Derek asked me if Sera is going to be their sister…' I replied._

'_John you know that if Sera becomes 18 she can practically refuse treatment…'_

'_We're racing with time…' I replied. 'However she won't be able to refuse treatment… I'll take her to court if anything… I'll fight for her medical decisions and custody.'_

'_What do you mean John? Are you saying she is incompetent?'_

'_In her medical aspect? In her health? Yeah… she practically is… She doesn't realise all the damage she's doing to herself...'_

'…_but incompetence? Don't you think it is too far John?' She reasoned._

'_Rhian you know as much as I do… If we'll leave it up to her she will keep starving until her body gives out and dies…' I replied again. 'I'm not letting her die on me… on us…'_

'_You're right… but let's not think about it… we do the hurdle when we come to it…' She replied. 'Listen in an hour or so, I'm taking the kids to my mother, and they asked me to spend the night… do you mind if you'll be alone with Sera for today?'_

'_Well… I will be missing my wife and kids… but I don't see a problem… Just make sure to drive safely back…' I smiled. '…and I raised two beautiful kids with you Rhian… Do you really think that taking care of Sera would be a difficulty?'_

'_No… of course I don't…' she smiled back. 'I just wanted to know if you needed anything…' She continued while she kissed me. 'Call me anytime if you need anything…'_

_**End of Flashback**_

* * *

I held her close to me and kissed her forehead while rubbing her back soothingly. I wished I could take all that pain away from her… fixing all the hurt she has in her… taking away all the anger she has in herself… anything that would finally make her.

'Sera… don't worry… you're safe now…'

'Why do they keep arguing Flynn?' She asked me gently.

'I don't know… but I think they have some conflicts… which you shouldn't worry about… it's their problems not yours…' I tried.

'How can I not? They're my parents John… I…'

'No Sera! They are adults… you are their kid… if anything they should be the ones worrying not you!'

'John…' She grumbled annoyed.

'No… I'm serious Sera… Do you think that I don't know that you still don't sleep at night? Do you think that I don't know how much you cry at night? Rhian and I both lay awake at night listening to you at times… just to make sure you're ok…'

'I'm sorry…' She replied in shame as she hid her face in my chest.

'For what Sera? There is nothing to be sorry about! You have to realize this… there is nothing more important to parent's than their child's welfare…'

'…but I am not your child John…'

'To me you are… to us you are Sera! We love you as if you are one of us… as if you are a Flynn…'

'Is that why you let Walter's headmaster refer to me as your daughter?'

'Yes…' I admitted. '…and we're not ashamed of it… Sera, why do you think that I've taken your custody?'

'I don't know…' She replied back slowly.

'…it's because I'm tired of seeing you waiting in the corner… you need love… you need a family… and we can give that to you… love isn't bought and it's very cheap, but when one obtains it, he'll be the richest person on the face of the earth and the whole universe. Sera money and wealth doesn't make a person happy if they don't have the basic fundamental aspect of life…' I explained. 'Sera, you are a person whether you believe it or not… and you are mature for your age… you need to slow down and let people in… let me in…'

'I can't John…'

'Why can't you little one?' I asked as I caught her tears.

'…because you'll all leave in the end John… and I'll be alone again… talking doesn't solve anything… and you know it… my parents promised me they'll never leave me… and I believed them… I let them in… and look where we are… we are stuck in this place… dad promised me that he'll be there… but I don't quite believe him… he already did and never fulfilled his promises… my mother… she's another story… she's annoyed with everything… and I don't know what to do to make it all better.' She replied. '…it is all an illusion John.'

'Listen to me Sera… if your parents gave up on you it's their problem. They don't realise what they have… it is their loss… not with me… I'm not making futile promises… I'm not going to leave you alone… not now… not ever! I don't consider myself your uncle… I love you as my own daughter… my own flesh and blood daughter…' I insisted as I lifted her off and held her on my lap. 'Sera I'm never giving up on you… and neither Rhian is… not to mention… Walter and Derek adore you and love you… if they can, they would spend every single second with you…'

'I love them…' She smiled.

'I know you do… you become yourself again… the Sera I used to know with them…'

'Kids do bring the best of us don't they?' She laughed a little.

'Yeah…' I smiled back. 'They do…'

'John…'

'Yeah?'

'Do you regret having me here?'

'Never Sera… not in a million years…'

'…but… don't you feel occupied? You know… what about your private time with Rhian?'

'Sera… I do have private time with Rhian…' I replied back smiling. 'We have Walter and Derek and they're still young… you are no difference. Instead of having two kids to take care of we have three…'

'You talk about kids as if they are easy to raise!'

'They are… if you do it the right way… there is no book instructing us how to be good parents. We just go with instinct and how we think we should help you three in doing the right thing.' I explained. 'Yes… we have to do sacrifices, but the rewards are far greater than we bargained for. We have your love, and that is already a lot. Walter always manages to take my mind of things… Derek is great at listening and making us smile… You can be a voice of reason at times… not to mention… I've found someone who can actually challenge me!'

'Who me?'

'Yeah… don't you remember New Year's Eve? You are not weak-minded Sera… and I wish you can see that! You should give yourself more credit…'

'I wish my parents can see me that way…'

'They will… in due time…' I answered back. 'Sera… you've never told me… What happened that night?' I decided to push it further. She was finally talking to me… I had to do this step while I could.

'John…'

'No Sera… you need to let this out…' I insisted again while I held her protectively.

'I've been thinking...' she started. '...remember when Natalie said... She ... She made the deed?'

'Yes' I smiled 'I recall you called me to be the psycho guy... What about it?'

'How...how is love making?...' She shyly asked me.

'Sex?'

'Yes...'

'Didn't your parents have the talk with you?' I asked gently wanting to know how far she knows.

'Dad told me everything... Mum was quite shy discussing certain things... It was a bit uncomfortable with my father...'

'What did he tell you?'

'Just the act...' She continued as she looked towards her fingers. '...but... How is it? How am I supposed to feel about it?'

'First and foremost... Sex has to always be between two consenting adults... If one of the partners doesn't want to go through with it and the other person forces himself on the other one, it is considered as rape.' I started while she squirmed on my lap. 'I know it's a sore subject for you... But you have to talk about what happened...'

'Not today... Please not today!' she begged

'Sera you have to talk about what's eating you...'

'I can't... I'm scared...' she confessed.

'Of what? I'm not going to judge you for sure... And it's not your fault either!'

'... I'm scared that if I talk about it... It would make it seem real...' She finally admitted in a low voice. '... Like this... It seems as if it is only a nightmare... And it never happened...'

'You're still having nightmares... What happened is real...'

**Sera's POV**

'Please John!... Please...' I begged.

'Tell, me this... How do you feel about being abused?' He asked again.

I remained quiet... I never quite thought about it... My parents always told me to save myself, for the right one... But how was I to know who the right one is? ... My mother always told me that men don't want someone who sleeps around... They want someone to be theirs... Only theirs... Like my parents...

**John's POV**

'Sera?'... I asked again taking her out of her deep trance

'I... Mum... Mum always said ... That... That men don't want used girls... No...nobody would want me...' I said while tears ran through my cheek... He held me closer and dried my tears.

'You feel used?'

'... I hate myself... I hate how I look... I hate how I feel... I hate everything about myself... He... He forced himself... Mum told me that the first time is always painful but it would be good and nice... But... It was more painful...then enjoyable...'

'It is a rape... You didn't want to do it... As you said... He forced himself...you tried restraining...' I continued before she cut me out.

'Please please stop!' She cried while I rubbed her back.

'No…' I simply replied. 'You need to hear this… What he did to you isn't acceptable, and was beyond cruel… he had his time and you're suffering… Sera it wasn't your fault… you did nothing wrong…' I explained. 'Sera, how do you feel about what happened?'

'I… I don't know what I'm supposed to feel…' She admitted. 'I have these conflicts in me… these feelings… sometimes I think I deserved it because I went against dad's rules and lied to him… sometimes I think that I may have led him on… sometimes… I don't know…'

'…and how you describe yourself in one word?'

'Worthless John… that's what I am… worthless…' She replied again. 'I'm this useless waste of space…'

'Ladybug you are not worthless…'

'Of course I am John! Look at me…'

'I look at you… and all I see is a young mature woman with a great heart… you keep loving and giving and make sure that everyone around you is happy… you don't care if your feelings get hurt for as long as you help the ones around you. You try to help out everyone even if they hurt you… and you keep loving and wanting your parent even though they hurt you and pushed you away…' I replied. 'That is what I see in you Sera… I don't see a worthless person… I see a person that had been strong a lot of times… and when she needed someone, nobody turned to her… but I am… Rhian and I are… your grandparents are! They love you with all their heart! Elliot and Mia love you as well! And even Kate!'

'What about my parents John?'

'They love you too! They have a rough patch right now. Christian is trying to understand you… and I heard you two are finally talking…'

'…but I don't really trust him John… he said I lost my title as his daughter… than what am I? This is the second time he said it… the first time in different words…'

'What do you mean?'

'He had to win some contract and the company's people asked him if I was in the way as he may have needed to go abroad and stuff… he said that I don't mean anything to him…'

'I'm sure he didn't mean it!'

'How do you know? You are his therapist… you are his brother… but you are not in his mind…'

'…and neither are you Sera! He may change… even Ana… they just need some time… but you can't give up… you have other people that love you Sera… I know your parents mean everything to you… but that doesn't mean you shouldn't turn to us whenever you need anything… my door has always been open for you and will always be!' I explained. 'Let me tell you what… what do you say if next week we'll have a family session? I have to make this clear… you are not going back home with them… the least stress they put on you will push you over the limit… we'll just talk… what do you think?' I suggested.

'I… I don't know…' She replied. '…but I trust you…' She continued as she curled up and let me comfort her.

'Sera… what happened that night?' I asked her again. 'I know it's going to be hard…'

'Can you ask the questions and I'll answer them?'

'No… you need to tell me everything at your own pace Sera… and on your own… it is the only way you can get rid of this…' I insisted again as I held the palm of her hand and ran smooth circles over it. 'I'm here for you…' I encouraged as I squeezed her hand gently. 'Sera… what happened?'

**Sera's POV**

'I… We… Nat, Mark and I went to Estillo. It was fun at first… we danced the night off… It was actually fun… it felt good breaking the rules… you know… finally some space…' I started slowly. 'I had my first share of alcohol that night… I couldn't understand how Natalie managed to remain fully functional after 3 or so…' I continued. 'Then… then while we were drinking and talking at the table… a waiter brought me a drink… he said it was from Josh. He was cute… I kind of liked him. Natalie encouraged me to accept it and he came to talk to me… I faked my name… I said I'm Melissa… He was sweet… he's a pharmacy student… so we had what to talk about… I kept getting thirsty and literally drunk it in one breath… I started feeling woozy… and all clammy… my heart was racing… and my vision was getting blurry… I felt my arms heavy… and so were my legs… he brought me the second one and I accepted it…' I continued while I stopped.

'What happened then?' He asked me again.

'I don't exactly remember everything… there are some bits missing…'

'Don't worry… just tell me what you remember…'

'After I drank he second one…

* * *

_**Flashback **_

'_IT's no use fighting me Melissa. I have you now, and nobody will hear you if you scream. There's too much noise for someone to care.'_

'_Please Josh… please… stop it…'_

'_No…' He said again as he started kissing me again and pushed his tongue in my mouth. _

_I tried squirming underneath him, but it was to no avail. He pinned me harder and threw me hard on the floor as if I was a piece of rug. I tried escaping from there, but I felt too tired. He came on top of me and started squeezing my breasts with one hand while pinning me down. _

_He quickly slid down between my legs and parted them away. He found my panty, and slid his finger harshly inside me. It hurt… I cried… I begged him to stop… I tried fighting him, but it was to no success. He simply increased his strength and slapped me again and went back to his doing._

'_Damn… you're so tight… you're a virgin… all the better…' He smiled wickedly. _

_He continued pushing in his finger, not caring that I was hurting. I tried resisting him, but the more I did, the harder he fingered. It wasn't long till I heard his zipper being undone, and his boxers to his foot. _

_I felt his erection to my thigh._

'_Please… don't… I have money… I'll give you money…' I begged… 'PLEAASSSEEEEE' I SCREAMED AS HE PUSHED HIS THROBBING ERECTION INSIDE OF ME._

_I felt a sharp pain hitting me down there, and although I resisted, he still pushed past it, and kept moving. I closed my eyes, hoping that it will all end all fast… but that wasn't the plan… he stopped… feeling my breasts. He squeezed my nipples hard, and bit me in every place he could find available. Until he entered me again._

'_Damn… you're so tight! So good!' He said while moaning._

'_please… stoppp.' I begged. 'Please Josh…'_

'_Yes… Yes… say my name while I cum…'_

_I felt myself losing consciousness… I was tired of fighting… tired of holding on. Tired of everything. _

'_Yes…. Yess… that's it…' He said as he pushed harder. I felt something warm coming inside me. Was that a man coming? Please…I hope not. _

_**End of Flashback**_

* * *

**John's POV**

She was crying hysterically as she finished. I held her tighter. I tried comforting her as possible. I didn't want her to have a panic attack… that's the least thing she needed.

'Make it stop… please make it stop! Let me die!' She begged while I held her stronger as she hit my chest. She could hurt herself more than she could hurt me. 'Just let me die! Kill me now! Please!' She cried.

'Sera! Sera listen to me!' I started as I held her tighter to me. 'I know how it feels… it is hard now… but I promise it will all get better… Please Sera! Stop fighting me… Let me comfort you!' I said while I felt her fight subsiding. 'Shh ladybug… it will all be better…'

'It hurts Uncle… It hurts…' She admitted. 'I want to end it uncle… I really do…' She said again in a soft voice. I just realized she called me uncle… /_'uncle… she was letting me in…'/_ I thought to myself… she was letting me in…

'Shh ladybug!' I said again. 'I'll always be here for you… I'm never leaving you alone…'

* * *

_**PLEASE REVIEW**_


	87. Chapter 86

I'm sorry I couldn't update yesterday, but I was very busy with school stuff!... Anyways... :)) Another chapter up! :D...

ENJOY! :D

and **P.L.E.A.S.E! :D R.E.V.I.E.W!**** :D**

* * *

**A week later – Sera's POV**

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know how to say everything to my parents. I just wanted for the time to fly and it would be over… just fast forward things… I didn't want to hurt their feelings… I didn't want to make them face everything, because deep down, I knew it wasn't their fault… circumstances made them like that…

I stared outside John's office. I wondered… The sky is an endless space, making to a one whole revolution till it reached the whole of the circle. I didn't know how and what makes this endlessness so special… however whatever the mystery was behind it, it managed to beguile me. I loved the beauty and peacefulness it exerted. _/'I wish I am able to go as far as that and get of all this… leave everything behind… and simply be free and happy…'/_ I thought to myself.

I placed my hand to the glass and let myself wonder on all possibilities. Few years ago I wondered and dreamed that by this time, I'll be in school with my friends. Having the time of my life… maybe have a boyfriend… and do mistakes normal teenagers do… learn from them… fall in love with the wrong guy… have a bad break-up where my parents have to be there picking up the broken pieces and dad telling me that there would be no guy messing up with me… normal thoughts on what I should wear for prom, or who my date will be… Maybe I'll even have some sleep overs where with Nat, I end staying awake laughing at our past tantrums… or maybe even break the rules in the funny kind of way… even throw huge pranks… maybe even join a band in school? I don't know… get my licence and start driving… dad had to teach me how to drive and get my permits… but we've been too busy that I missed many of the things… instead I'm here trying to pick up my mess… but I'm afraid to let go of all this… what's going to happen afterwards? I know where I am right now… I don't know how I'll be later… but then… I want to get all better… just forget everything and never dealing with this ever again. _/'Damn! I'm not even making sense to myself!'/_ I grumbled with myself.

Usually during this time of the year I used to beg my parents to let me go swimming in the pool… or spend a day on The Grace, and when we sail, I used to have a small swim… or even sunbath… I realised… was I comfortable enough to do those stuff? Am I comfortable enough to be that exposed? I prefer these warm clothes… not to mention… I'm cold all the time… I used to be so looking forward to wear a bikini or something a bit revealing yet still into dad's code… He always grumbled when a girl passed by with too revealing clothing. Even to my mother he grumbled ones for a bit of 'too cleavage dress'. Mum had to convince him to let me wear a bikini. I guess he wouldn't have to worry this year… I won't be looking at any kinds of swimsuits.

**John's POV**

I finished re-arranging my office for the session. I had to see how their family dynamics works, and maybe for once get in the clearance about how Sera feels about everything. I looked towards her and she was isolated. I moved forward and touched her shoulders lightly.

'Don't be nervous…' I encouraged as I saw her all enclosed to herself with her arms crossed and tensed up.

'I… I'm not nervous.' She stuttered.

'You're scratching your fingers Sera…' I noted as I guided her to my desk and took out a small box of adhesive bandages. 'I have to tape your fingers…' I instructed as I started doing each finger.

'I can do it…'

'You don't have to be independent Sera… I'm here to help you…' I cut her off while she let me bandage all the damage she had done.

'Do I have to go home today?' She asked me gently.

'Do you want to go home?' I asked her as I looked straight into her eyes.

'I don't know… part of me does…'

'…and the other part?'

'Does it make me a bad person if I don't want to go back home for now?' She asked me with glittery clear eyes, yet clouded with thoughts.

'No… it doesn't Sera…' I replied gently as I took her other hand and started working on it. 'Sera… you need to stay were you are comfortable… now and always…'

'…but… my place is with my parents… I mean… they brought me up and everything…'

'Honey…' I started as I stopped her from her aloud thought and made her look at me. 'Calm down… yes your parents brought you up… but right now you need to be in a safe environment. Don't get me wrong… your parents love you… but they need some time to work on their things and you need some time to get back on your feet…'

'…but I do have to go home sometime!' She reasoned.

'We'll do the hurdle when the time comes ladybug!' I replied as I kissed her forehead.

'Do I have to do this John?' she asked me gently and in doubt.

'We have to do this someday honey...' I smiled again. 'Don't worry... I'll be beside you all the time... I won't leave you alone...'

* * *

'Dr Flynn, Mr. And Mrs. Grey are here...' Julia notified us.

'Tell them to come in please...' I smiled at her, while I saw Sera tensing up again.

'Christian... Ana...' I smiled while they entered and Sera stood up.

'Hi mum... Dad..' she smiled weakly while they moved forward and hugged her. She returned the hug softly.

'How are you peanut?' Christian started. As he let her go from his embrace and searched for her eyes while still holding her from her arms.

'We missed you honey...' Ana continued.

'Yeah... I did too...' she replied slowly.

'Please sit...' I instructed while Sera stayed on the lonely far end chair.

'Does it matter where we sit?' Christian asked. He knew I take everything to heart.

'Probably…' I replied while Christian and Ana took the usual spot on the couch.. 'Well… I wanted us to all meet today, because I want to see how you react into a familiar environment.' I continued. 'Christian… how do you think she looks?'

'Well… I… I think she looks good…'

'Christian… holding back won't help… I want to see how you all deal with each other…' I explained gently. 'Ana… you haven't said anything… What's on your mind?'

'Well… I don't understand this… we were always close… and I missed this… and now… she's closer to her father!'

'Ana… just because she comes to talk to me doesn't mean she doesn't love you…'

'Well unfortunately that is not how I feel…'

'Ana, Sera has enough love in her heart to love us both the same… she just wanted to talk to me a bit…'

'How do you think she looks Ana? I asked her cutting her off. I wanted to know how both saw her in their eyes.

'She still looks very sick...' she replied again.

'...and what do you both want?'

'We want our daughter back... Our life back... I miss the old Sera I knew...' Christian admitted.

'I don't know what this is… she was always little Ms perfect, until she started starving…' Ana replied.

'…What do you mean Ana?' I asked her as I saw she let her head drop down.

'I want her to be able to talk to me and open up to me... She's closer to Christian... It's like I don't exist to her...' she replied again.

'Ana... For the millionth time we had this talk… Sera doesn't have any preferences to any of us... She only opened up to me!' he reasoned with her.

'...ohh and that makes it all better Christian?' she asked again while I realised that Sera had just stood up and moved towards the window lost into her own confines.

'No it doesn't...but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you Ana!'

'Is this how you usually get along?' I asked gently

'Yes… it is…' Christian replied back sternly. 'This is it John… the way it always is…'

'What about Sera? Where does she fit in?' I asked them gently.

'That's what drives me crazy…' Ana replied.

'She never gives us a minute's trouble…' Christian continued. '…up until all this happened, you hardly ever knew she was around…' He reasoned.

'You see… it's interesting to put it that way Christian… Look where she is right now, all alone to herself…' I replied as I motioned him to her. 'Sera… do you always go by yourself when the fighting starts?' I asked her grabbing her attention.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean… when things get noisy… do you go away by yourself not getting any kind of attention?'

'I don't want that kind of attention…'

'Uh…' I replied back. 'What kind of attention do you want?'

'I… I don't know…'

'I think you're pushing Sera too far John… She's not well…' Ana interjected.

'Ana, this is part of the problem… you two fight, Sera withdraw and you place your attention to yourselves…'

'Who wants that kind of attention?'

'Christian, please! Open your eyes! When Sera was a good sensible girl, you ignored her… now that she's sick, she gets more attention that she had gotten into her whole life… What's the point of getting better if she's going to lose all that attention?'

'Are you trying to say… that I'm the cause of all this…'

'I'm trying to get all of you to start paying more attention to Sera as a family. You must encourage her to depend upon you emotionally; otherwise, she is going to remain as helpless and isolated as she is right now…' I replied while I saw Christian tearing apart slowly.

'Christian… what's wrong?' Ana asked gently.

'I can't stand to see my baby like this… we did this to her…' He admitted. 'I love you peanut…' He replied back while I saw Sera's face twinge in pain and looking away from her parents.

'How do you feel about all of this Sera?' I asked her.

'I don't know… I don't want to know… I don't want it… and I hate it…'

'What do you hate?'

'My family… I hate them… that I want them… and I hate wanting them…' She cried.

'Why do you hate it?'

'I hate wanting … wanting something means that you'll never get it…'

'Honey, we've always given you what you wanted!' Ana replied. 'Everything you've asked for…'

'Tell me… one damned thing that I ever asked for… What did I ever ask for? I ask for nothing… and that's what I got… You both got everything… dad you got women all over you wherever you go… you've got mum adoring you and falling for you every second of the day. You both cheated on each other and hated yourselves for it and sort of fixed it all up… you argue everyday… and I got nothing for being good… nothing from you… and nothing from daddy…'

'That is not true! I love you… I wanted you to have everything!' Ana replied back.

'Everything that you wanted me to have! You don't let me chose my own clothes… you both never like my friends though I don't have any friends except for Natalie… you don't let me go anywhere without some security on my tail… I can't do anything without having you dad track my every move…and I can't take this pressure…'

'Don't talk to us like that!' Christian scolded.

'Daddy, for once in my life, I'm telling how I feel! I… I just want you to love me no matter what I do!'

'Sera!' Christian got up and went forward to cradle his daughter to his chest. 'We love you!' He stated again while Ana joined them.

'Honey… we both love you!'

'I… I just don't feel that way… Since Jason died… you've pushed me away… you both fought a lot… and I can't take it anymore. Dad you threaten to spank me every time… you didn't want to talk to me… You didn't want to have anything to do with me when I was raped…' She replied again while she crumbled to the ground while Christian held her tighter. 'Dad I heard you tell mum that I lost my title as your daughter… I heard you telling mum that you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from hurting me… that you wanted me to feel the pain your were feeling…'

'Shh… I always loved you peanut… I didn't mean that… I was angry… and worried… but I always loved you…'

'We're sorry honey!' Ana replied as she rubbed her back gently.

'Mum… you both always say that… and you both end up doing the same thing over and over and over and over again…' She replied. 'I… I don't think I believe the word sorry today… because it is just a word… and it takes more of that to fix everything.'

'What do you want from us Sera?' Christian asked chokingly.

'I want you to love me… no matter what happens… or what I do…' She replied as she looked straight into their eyes.

* * *

After all of them calmed down, and I saw that Sera was in better state, I decided to talk to both Christian and Ana alone. I paged for Julia so that she'll stay with Sera while I talked to them. After making sure that the door was closed, I decided to talk the adults as adults.

'How do you feel… both of you?' I asked them.

'Overwhelmed…' Christian simply replied as he passed his hand through his hair.

'How did we do this?' Ana asked more to her than to me.

'Ana, it's no use trying to put blame in these times, let alone ask questions like these…' I replied. 'However… my theory is that you were too confined into yourselves that you forgot the ones around you. Both of you are adults today, and you have a daughter to take care of. It's no use acting your as teenagers, because it won't get you nowhere… nowhere with Sera, and nowhere with your daughter! She's already lost a lot… what's it going to take you to realise that she wants you to accept her as she is? She's already killing herself slowly and slowly, and she still has suicidal thoughts. It's up to you both to make her feel wanted… and she wants you both… not only you Christian… not only you Ana! Both! And I'm emphasising this because your childish arguments about who she prefers is emotionally draining and honestly… it's stupid! You are both her parents!' I explained. 'So… what are you going to do? Are you going to approach this maturely or are you going to keep going back to square one?'

'We have to make some major changes.' Christian admitted.

'Yeah… we do...' Ana admitted. 'John, I only have one concern… actually two…'

'What is it Ana?'

'Sera's taken up self-harm and punishing herself for everything that happens to her… what is going to guarantee us that she won't relapse or anything?'

'She will never be cured of anorexia… she will have relapses… and it is expected… because things in life only get harder, and it's the only way she knows… but hopefully, we'll all be here for her to catch her when she falls and won't let her get this bad… she may need some therapy sessions when that time comes… but we would have to be cautious…'

'So this is a life time thing?' Christian asked.

'It can be… and it can be not… she'll always remain anorexic… she'll still have the consuming thoughts, but hopefully she'll learn to control them instead of letting them control her. She wants to get better Christian… She does… but she's afraid of letting go… she's afraid that if she does let go, then she'd have to deal with pain like we all do…'

'So it is a coping mechanism…' Christian stated.

'Christian, Ana, you are her parents, and I cannot tell you or impose on you how to raise her. You obviously did a great job because she's mature, sensible and knows how to clearly make right decisions.'

'I sense a 'but' coming…' Ana stated.

'…but… you need to be better… for her… I know Jason's loss wasn't easy on any of you… and I know that you haven't dealt with it… but you need to realise that you have another kid that is willing to give you unconditional love. It is your choice if you want to let Sera in… but remember… if you both are NOT going to be there for her… there are other people that love her… and that includes me and Rhian, our mother and father Christian and even Elliot…'

'What do you mean by that?' Ana retorted.

'Ana, the kid needs love and support. She's young… and she can go far in life! She wants her parents…but if you won't be there for her… we are going to be there for her… she's not a patient for me… she's family… and I don't turn my back on family…'

'I'm not letting any of you take her away from us!' Christian replied sternly.

'Prove to me that you can be what she needs Christian… Prove to her most of all that you want her! You have no idea how much she wants a family! You should thank your lucky stars that she didn't give up on you… and that she still wants you… don't throw this chance away… many parents lost their kids and never managed to get them back… don't be one of them…'

'We won't…' Ana replied.

'Not this time… not ever…' Christian added.

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_**PLEASE REVIEW**_


	88. Chapter 87

And to the Christian and Ana we all know! :D Hope you enjoy this ! :D

This is dedicated to Christian618

* * *

**John's POV**

'I see the nurse removed your tube?' I asked her gently as we walked the hallway.

'Mhmm. It was hurting me, and she told me that I can stay without it for a few hours…' She replied softly.

'You were terrific in there!' I smiled as I guided her to the cafeteria.

'Yeah… Why don't I feel so terrific?' She replied thoughtful.

'Ohh, don't worry, they'll always be there for you… You were good, you told them your real feelings, although you didn't say everything Sera… Honesty won't chase them away. It may take them a while to face up to it, but they do love you… you know that…'

'Why couldn't I have said those things before?'

'Not important…You said them now. The important thing is to hold on to the feeling.'

'Uncle… You're going to let me go aren't you?'

'It's up to you. You have to go home sometime…'

'I don't want to leave you… I…'

'I know that… Let's take it one step at a time… ok?'

'I feel like I have no control…'

'It's up to you to find it. I can only help you… We've a lot of work to do kiddo…'

'I won't be able to eat… I know it…'

'Well… that's up to you too… But I think you've learned one thing today, that starving yourself is one slow form of suicide. You don't want your family to love you for that…'

'I don't want to be sick…' She admitted.

'Exactly! You don't want to be sick…'

'Are you being pushy with me today uncle?'

'Come again.' I smiled.

'You've… you've got two of everything on your tray…' She motioned.

'My… my…' I chucked. 'That's a classic observation.'

'Mhmm… Are you being pushy with me?' she asked again as she smiled.

'Cheese burger, French fries, Salad, oh my heavens… What have we here? Ice cream!' I smiled again as I placed the cup in front of her. 'It's up to you!'

'You're being pushy…'

'Right…' I replied as I grabbed a spoonful. She mirrored me and did the same. We both took a bite and for once, she didn't quite give it a lot of thought. She swallowed it slowly. We kept repeating the cycle. I take a spoon and she followed me. 'Delicious!'

'I forgot how this tasted like.' She chuckled. I could finally see that we've broken the ice. She was slowly smiling and getting back to herself.

**2 weeks later**

From: Dad  
Subject: Morning peanut!  
Date: April 17th 2014 07.22  
To: Sera

Hey peanut! Morning! Hope you're still resting. Just to let you know that your mother and I can't wait to see you! :D

Dad xxx

* * *

It was finally time to get back home. I was going to miss here, especially Walter and Derek. I could finally have two little brothers. Rhian and John were only loving and welcoming. In a way I was still in doubt on how my parents would be. They have been acting differently since I told them how I felt. Of course, good different… but I couldn't help wondering…

* * *

From: Sera  
Subject: Yes I'm UPPP!  
Date: April 17th 2014 07.25  
To: Dad

Morning dad! :) Yess! :) I'm up! And glad I am… am doing the last packing check… you know seeing that I have everything. Don't worry! I got my 7 hour sleep! Uncle John and Aunt Rhian made sure I'd do so… so don't get worked up over nothing.

At what time are you coming? :)

Me (give mum my huggsss and kisses! :) xxxx)

* * *

I pressed send. I was feeling different. I felt more looking forward to many things. It's like I was finally seeing the light to the end of the tunnel. It was a great feeling I must say! I missed all of that. I made my bed, so that Rhian would find everything in order. I still wanted myself perfection, but at least the tendencies were decreasing. John prescribed me some anti-depressants, which although were helping, they were making me very sleepy.

John told me that I'd still have to attend to therapy sessions, even when I recover completely. In a way I truly don't want to deal with it anymore. Once this is all over, I don't even want to know the reasons that made me like this. I don't think I'll be able to deal with the feelings. I don't want to deal with the feelings. He said that I'm still severely underweight although I've started eating at 400 calories a day. My grandparents on the other hand, are more concerned with the long lasting effects anorexia had on me. _/'…anorexia… I am saying it to myself… am I admitting I have an illness?'/_ I thought to myself. The only thing that is scaring me is the size I will become when I start eating as I should. I mean… I'm used to not eating… I don't know how I will look like after I recover… and what if I find it easier like this and go back to the life with Ed? What if I can't deal with anything again? What if this time there would be something else pushing me to the limit? What about school? I've lost a lot of days… yes the private tutor had helped me a lot… and I got my work up to standards with my school… but I still couldn't get myself to the fact that I'll be going back to the usual lessons, to the usual things… what are classmates going to say? Soon another thought came creeping into my mind. The nightmares have kind of stopped, or at least weren't as vivid as they used to… what if they return? What am I going to do? Can I talk about them with mum or dad? Should I talk about them? Or should I write them down?

* * *

'Sera?' John took me out of my deep trance.

'Yeah!' I quickly replied almost in fright.

'Breakfast's ready…' He said again as he moved forward and held me from my shoulders and turned me to face him. 'Are you ok?'

'Yeah… I am…' I replied as I avoided his gaze, while he kept trying to search for my eyes. 'It's nothing… really…' I insisted. 'Just some thoughts…' I smiled.

'Sera, there is no shame in voicing anything you may feel…'

'It's not that Uncle… It's just… I'll be missing here, and although I'm happy on going back home… I'm still attached to here…'

'Sera, just because you're going home, doesn't mean you can't come and stay some nights here and there. Besides, Walter and Derek will love it, and Rhian and I will be pleased if you do so!' He smiled as he hugged me. 'Our home and family will always be here and open for you…'

'I'm going to miss you uncle!' I admitted as I returned his hug.

'I know baby girl… I know… and I'm going to miss you a lot too… I always meant it when I said I love you as my own daughter.'

'You did?' I asked in disbelief.

'Yeah… of course I did!' He replied astounded. 'What do you think? That I said it to make you feel better?'

'Well… yeah!'

'Let's clear the air now… I always meant it and so did Rhian!'

'Oh…'

'However, one thing you have to promise me…'

'What is it?'

'You are going to keep going on the outpatient visits to your grandparents, you are going to eat, and you are going to obey your parents when it comes to food. I'm handing them a list to follow… and you have to follow it till the last detail… and don't worry… I've consulted a nutritionist about you being a vegetarian… it's entailed for you…'

'Yes… I promise I will… I'm only worried about gaining all the weight back…' I finally admitted.

'Till now you haven't gained much weight Sera! Your body is still taking nutrients rather than storing for now. When it starts storing, yes you will gain weight… but you will stop gaining when your metabolism will get back on track. Right now, you're still very underweight Sera… your BMI is still dangerously low at 12…'

'I know… I know uncle! I've already heard this for the zillionth time…'

'You need to hear it again Sera… I don't want to see you in a hospital again. You deserve way better than being stuck in a bed…'

'Yeah…' I replied, as I closed my luggage, and lifted it off, but he soon took it from me.

'Leave it… I'll take care of it…' He smiled. 'Now let's go for breakfast.

* * *

I joined them for breakfast as they asked me to. At first, I felt my stomach close on me, but I forced myself, and finally managed. I had some oatmeal with water, along with some grapes. Two things I always liked. I think I got my love for cereal from mum. She always loved granola bars… but then… does it make sense?

While I was having some grapes, my phone buzzed again.

* * *

From: Dad  
Subject: SURPRISE!  
Date: April 17th 2014 08.15  
To: Sera

Hope you had your breakfast, because we haven't had a family day in ages, and we think it's time to set everything aside for a second and invest our energy into family time... :)

It won't be long… Check the door peanut! :)

Love

Mum and Dad xxxx

* * *

_/'Check the door?'/_I thought to myself, as the doorbell rang. I finally realised they timed it immediately. John took the door, while I followed him to greet them. Automatically, I moved forward and hugged them both tight. I could see that I surprised them both. I had also surprised myself. What was happening? However both returned their hug.

'We missed you honey!' Mum started as she took me into her arms and took my breath out, and soon followed by dad.

'I told you it won't be long peanut…' He teased as he lifted me off.

'Dad!'

'You're my baby girl…' He smiled as he kissed my forehead, and placed me back on my feet. 'Are you ready?'

'Mhmm…' I smiled.

'Breakfast?' He interrogated.

'Mhmm…' I replied again, as I noticed all of them doing eye talk. 'I should let you guys talk… I'll go help Aunt Rhian.'

'We won't be long Sera…' John replied, as all of them went to John's study.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

She caught me off guard with her hugs. 'She looks better!' I said. The words were out of my mouth before I could think about. 'I mean… emotionally… she seems better…'

'She looks happier.' Ana added.

'She is…' John replied as he grabbed a piece of paper and handed it to me. '…and I'd like her to stay that way. She's made progress…'

'What about her weight?' Ana asked.

'Well… she's still very underweight… As I told you last time you took her, she may need help in walking… and maybe even doing the normal thing we take for granted. I'd suggest that for now you shouldn't leave her alone with Gail… she needs a family…'

'We've already thought about it…' Ana replied.

'I can do my work from home. It's my company and I don't have a board to talk things with…'

'…and when he has a meeting or has to go abroad, I can take few days off…'

'I'm glad you're finally communicating.' He smiled.

'What about this paper?' I asked as I took a quick view to it.

'It's the diet Sera has to follow for now until mum updates it.'

'This isn't even enough for a 4 year old!' I exclaimed as I read. 'Oat meal or any kind of cereal of her choice and a piece of fruit; Lunch: Sandwich, fruit and smoothies ; Dinner: Salad, and legumes, bread or pasta with white sauce…'

'Christian, she has to start slowly. Remember she hasn't had a proper meal in ages… She's doing baby steps.' He cut me off. 'You have to make sure that with every meal she has, it has to be without any rituals, and that means, no cutting food into small pieces, no moving around, no playing, no fidgeting, no nervous attacks. She has to have her hair tightly placed in a ponytail, sleeves up, no shoes and even socks, no scratching off food or squeezing the food, you have to make sure that if she goes to the bathroom after a meal, you have to stay outside and make sure that she doesn't make herself sick. If she does you have to go in and stop her immediately. She will put a fight but you have to restrain her, hold her and talk to her… no anger… no shouting… just talk and understand… and if she drops it even by mistake, you have to substitute it with a different food of the same size and nutritional value.'

'Wow…' Ana replied. 'What do you mean?'

'Ana, her anorexic tendencies won't disappear in an instant. Unconsciously she will still go back to them, and we need to be there to put a stop to the cycle. You will be the ones stopping the relay race, until finally she will be able to break free of all the rituals.'

'…and what about eating in public?'

'I see you made your research Christian…' He smiled. 'It's not easy for now. It may distress her… but you have to be in control, if she fails in even doing a right choice from the menu, you have to be the ones to place the order for her. Also, you need to reassure her. She may feel ashamed and even that she doesn't deserve anything… but you have to be the ones to show her what she really means to you.'

'She will ask to go back to school…' Ana brought out a major point.

'I'd suggest that for now she'll stick with home schooling. She needs to gain her physical strength along with emotional and mental strength back… she is assertive, but kids are never nice… we want to avoid anything that will set her back for now…'

'…and ballet?'

'Some physical exercise won't hurt anyone… but she doesn't have the strength to do long walks for now let alone dance Ana.' He reasoned. 'Ask mum about any kinds of physical exercise Christian. She can tell you better than I can in that aspect.'

'We thought on sailing on The Grace today. Is it ok for her?' I asked him wanting to make sure to not make any mistakes.

'Yes, of course, just keep in mind that she won't be comfortable to be in lighter clothes or anything, not to mention she's constantly cold.' He replied.

'…and the nightmares?' Ana asked again.

'They decreased a lot… however when one hits, I'd suggest that one of you should stay with her for the night. They don't hit often but when they do they are bad.' He continued. '…I've also prescribed some anti-depressants which she should take for now.' He added as he handed me the box.

'When should we stop these?' Ana asked.

'When she feels she's ready or when you see fit. When you see that she is able to cope without them. You can stop them for some time and see how she goes, but when you see that she has the littlest sign of depression or even suicidal thoughts, you should start her again on them. She should take one before she sleeps.'

'John, I don't know how we're going to thank you…' I admitted. 'If it wasn't for you… I don't know what would have happened to my daughter… we ignored her… and her telling us everything made us realise how much in the wrong we were.'

'The past is the past… all of you should now look forward… and please… for Sera… don't push her away no matter what the situation…'

'We won't…' Ana agreed as she took my hand. 'It's a new chapter for all of us…'

* * *

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	89. Chapter 88

**Christian's POV**

We all boarded on the yacht with Taylor and Sawyer with us. We never left anywhere without security. It was the one thing I never could be lenient on. Emotionally, I could finally see my daughter getting back to herself, however physically… we still had a very long way to go. She keeps pushing herself, and I could see her. She held tightly to Ana's arm for support. She didn't want to admit defeat, and after the she pushed herself and walked on The Grace, we all made our way to the living room. The Grace resembled more of a home rather than a yacht.

'Honey, what do you say if you change into something comfortable and we'll watch a movie or two?' Ana suggested as she helped Sera to the couch.

'Um… sure…' She said again as she stood up immediately only to have me run by her side.

'Easy! Take few minutes first. Then do so…' I suggested

'No… I'm fine dad…' She smiled as she held on for support and moved forward.

'Taylor, can you please help her?' I asked him as I saw him move forward to her.

'Right away Sir.' He smiled as he took my daughter's arm.

**Ana's POV**

I had to admit it. She has no preferences on neither of us. She loves us both… and finally I can see my old daughter again. That light in her eyes is returning slowly, and her smile is sincere not cold and forced as it used to. I can feel positivity in her, and for once, I can feel that she doesn't want to keep restraining. However, she's as hard headed and stubborn as her own father. She doesn't want to admit defeat.

'What are we going to do Christian?' I asked him as we went to our bedroom, and changed into more comfortable clothing. 'She doesn't want any help and doesn't want to rely on us…'

'Well, for starters, we have to make her feel that she can depend on us. It's what John advised us to do…' He replied as I took my shirt off and saw his gaze running up and down.

'Do you see something you like Mr. Grey?' I asked seductively.

'Ohh, very much Mrs. Grey…' He replied back as he moved forward pulling me into his embrace.

'You know… this morning was amazing!' I replied.

'I know… would you like a repeat of that? Only better?' He asked as he started kissing and nibbling into my neck.

'I'd love to Mr. Grey, but we should make it fast… our daughter is here…'

'We won't take long…' He smiled as he raised his eyebrow that drove me nuts. He always knew how to make me fall in love with him over and over again. 'This will be for both of us baby… let me make love to you…'

'Yes Christian…' I smiled as I went forward to the deep kiss. It drove me head over heels. I let his tongue explore my mouth, while I trusted my tongue into his mouth. Little I knew that he had already worked on my bra and removed them. Soon he was kissing me all over and in an instant he laid me down gently on the bed, where he came on top of me, and with one instant move, he filled me deep. He started moving slowly yet constantly, each and every time building climax.

'Let go Ana…' He ordered hoarsely while I obeyed. I felt myself getting warmer and warmer and with every push he kept doing, I kept feeling my body all wobbly. 'Yes Ana… that's it…' He said as I felt my body jerk and out of control. With another hard push he stilled into me, and I felt his warm seed inside of me. 'I love you Mrs. Grey.'

'I love you too very much Mr. Grey.' I replied as I opened my eyes and kissed him again. He exited slowly from me, and lied down beside me.

'Ana…' He started again as he took my hand while we both were still panting. 'You have made me the happiest man on this earth. You married me; you loved me and accepted me as I am. You helped me through everything, you gave me your heart and trust completely, and you gave me a beautiful daughter, and although we had our ups and downs, we had worked through them all… Thank you for making me your man…' He confessed. 'Thank you for making a man out of me Ana…'

'Christian, I love you and I married you because I truly do love you. I wish you can see that you deserve more than you give yourself. We have a family together, and I'm glad we never gave up on us during those times…' I smiled as I kissed him lightly. '…and as for making a man out of you, I'd say you were already a man. You just needed to realise that…' I smiled. 'Thank you for making me your wife…' I smiled.

'…and I'm glad I've never let you go Ana!' He replied again, while I checked my digital clock.

'Sera's taking long…' I expressed my thoughts in worry.

'I'll go check on her after I get a quick shower…' Christian replied as he kissed me and went quickly to the bathroom. '…you my baby, take your time…' He continued.

**Sera's POV**

I opened my closet, and realized that everything was already placed neatly. Guess Mrs. Bentley was already on full speed ahead of work. She was a nice woman… not as nice as Gail… I'd rather if Gail was here rather than Bentley, but she was still always nice to me. I started taking everything out slowly. They weren't quite my way. I had to re-organize everything for the 3 days that we were going to spend sailing.

I started aligning everything my length then my alphabetical order of colour. I started folding everything in alignment, not having nothing sticking out, or nothing different. Everything in perfect order. I was finally seeing something familiar. Something that I could yet control.

**Christian's POV**

'Taylor is my daughter still in her room?' I asked as I saw him waiting at the stairs.

'Yes Sir…' He replied.

'Ok, thanks… and please… call me Christian…' I smiled as I squeezed his shoulder. 'You know my family more than anyone. We count you as one…' I added as I made my way upstairs.

I saw that the door wasn't completely shut. I made sure not to make any sounds. I opened the door gently as I heard some mumbling. I saw her placing everything into order… into perfection… she was so engorged in what she was doing that she didn't notice that I had entered beside her. I moved forward and gently, not trying to scare her, I placed my hands on her shoulder.

'Sera…' I started gently as I saw that she hadn't even realised that I was there, while she jumped a little. 'Easy there kiddo…'

'Sorry dad… I didn't realise you were here…'

'Don't worry about that…' I replied as she went back to the task. 'You've been in here for almost half an hour Sera… What are you doing?'

'Um… just unpacking dad…' she replied as she placed everything in the closet.

'Didn't Mrs. Bentley do them?' I asked her.

'Yeah… she did… I just didn't like them…' She replied again.

'Sera…' I stopped her as I held her hand near her wrist. 'Look at me…' I insisted. 'They are perfect as they are going to get…'

'Dad… please…' She insisted again as she tried letting go of my grip.

'No Sera… this… this thing is consuming you…' I explained to her gently. 'Let me tell you what… I'll help you out with these…' I suggested while she nodded gently and we started doing them together. She remained quiet. I could see she was watching my every move and fixing anything that I may have not done right to her standards. I realised… this was a form of OCD. 'Why do you do it?' I asked her not realizing that I voiced my question.

'Come again?'

'Why do you do this?' I asked her again.

'What do you mean?' She replied as she looked down and continued fixing her desk.

'This Sera… Why do you feel the need to have everything in perfection… everything in order…'

'I don't know… I just feel the need to do so…' She replied as she avoided my gaze. 'It's like I have something in me that tells me what I have to constantly do… slowly I'm trying to shut it… but sometimes…'

'…it resurfaces?' I asked her helping her out.

'Yeah…' She replied. 'Um… I'm going to change… please… don't move anything?' She asked gently.

'I won't…' I smiled as I continued folding everything and she quickly went into the bathroom. I made sure to hear her. I knew that over an hour passed from breakfast, but I still wanted to make sure she wouldn't make herself sick. At times, I myself was getting paranoid… but I couldn't help it. Few minutes later she came back out, and I remained staring at her… at her emaciated body. She was starting to eat slowly, but she was still severely undernourished, and it pained me seeing my daughter in that state… and it was all our fault… all because we neglected her.

'Dad?' She asked as she realized I was staring at her. 'Are you ok?'

'Yeah…' I smiled. 'I should ask you that…' I added as she moved forward to her bed and folded her clothes while I finished my last shirt. 'Sera… why did you do it? Why did you starve?' I asked her as I moved forward to her and sat her on my lap.

'Dad…'

'No… I want to understand…' I replied as I searched for her eyes. 'I want to know…'

'I don't have an answer dad… It starts normally… and then… I don't know… I just didn't feel hungry anymore… didn't feel the need to eat… and I just stopped doing so…' She replied gently while I ran smooth circles over her palm.

'Why couldn't you tell us how you felt before?'

'You already had a lot on your mind dad…' She admitted. 'I didn't think you'd want my problems…besides…' She stopped half-way as she looked away from me.

'…besides what Sera?'

'Nothing…'

'Sera… I can't understand if you don't tell me…' I encouraged her.

'Dad… whenever I did something wrong, instead of punishing me like a normal parent you took spanking… do you remember when you spanked me without my underwear because I disobeyed you? Do you remember when you pulled me from my hair?' She admitted while I closed my eyes in pain.

'You remember?' I asked her chokingly.

'How can I forget dad?' She replied as she closed her eyes while the scene replayed in my mind.

* * *

_**Flashback 2010**_

'_Sera get your ass down here now!' I shouted from downstairs._

'_Christian take it easy on her! It wasn't her fault!' Ana tried calming me down._

'_Take it easy my ass! I'll teach her a lesson she won't ever forget! She won't ever escape from school!' I replied in anger as I went upstairs to her room only to find her afraid of me. 'Sera get here now!' I ordered._

'_Dad I can explain!' She replied again as she moved backwards from me._

'_You had ample time for that… I'm counting to three… if you don't come here I'm getting you!' I retorted. '1!' I started. '2!'_

'_Dad!' She begged._

'_3!' I finished. 'That's it…' I said again as I moved forward and grabbed her from her hair and pulled her. _

'_DADD!' She screamed while Ana tried stopping me! 'YOU'RE HURTING ME!' She screamed again._

'_Christian let her go! It wasn't her fault!' Ana said again as she tried stopping me while I entered my study._

'_Ana, move over!' I ordered as I placed Sera across my knee and started spanking her. 'I'll teach you when and how to escape from school!' I said in anger. 'You go there to learn! Not to escape!'_

'_CHRISTIAN FUCKING STOP IT!' Ana shouted at me as she held my hand upwards and looked straight into my eyes. She lifted off our crying daughter and held her to her. 'Shh baby girl! Everything will be ok…' She comforted while she glared at me. 'You ass…' she started. '…the teacher hit our daughter with a metal ruler! Sera escaped because of the teacher!' She shouted at me._

'_What?' I asked in disbelief._

'_Yeah! Our daughter's teacher had been hitting the kids all year round, which is why our daughter had been coming home with bruises all over Christian! I reported this abuse…'_

'_Why didn't you tell me?' I asked her as I realised what a mistake I had just done while she kept comforting a hysterically crying Sera. _

'…_because you didn't give me a chance to explain you idiot!' She angrily replied as she exited my study with our daughter in her arms._

_**End of Flashback**_

* * *

'I'm very sorry Sera… I never wanted to hurt you…'

'Well… you did dad…' She admitted as she looked down at her hands. 'I felt abused at school and abused at home… and the worst part was that you are my father… and yet I felt you to be a monster, because you never wanted to listen… anger always got the best of you dad…'

'Is that how you feel about me? Is that why you are afraid of me?' I asked her in disbelief.

'Yes…' She admitted.

'You shouldn't be Sera! It is my fault what I did! But I was still hung up on Jason's death… I couldn't quite control anything…'

'…but you could control your anger like that…'

'Is that why you cut?'

'I… don't know… it's more of a rush…'

'…and the drugs?' I asked her again.

'Dad… I promise I did them once! Never ever again…'

'I believe you… you never lied on things like these…' I replied again as I turned her hand and started pulling her sleeve up. I traced every scar, ever mark… some felt sharp, and some felt soft… they were over each other, and I couldn't understand how she could take all this physical pain. It would have crushed me, having to cut myself to release some endorphins and to control. Yet she had the guts to drag a knife to her arm.

'Dad it's not your fault…' She replied as she hugged me gently.

'Of course it is! I failed to see you were killing yourself… I failed to see you were cutting…' I admitted. 'I failed to see you were doing drugs… what else am I in the dark at?' I asked as I let her comfort me. I was supposed to do the comforting, yet she was doing it to me.

'Dad… listen to me… you had a lot on your mind, and I don't blame you or anyone… I did this to myself, because I thought I could handle it and stop whenever I wanted to… guess I was wrong and I admit that I need help to overcome this. I want to be better, but blaming yourself will only make things worse, because then you will drive yourself into depression which will worry mum and I won't have my parents again… and I want you both to be happy… not to mention… who is going to be there for mum if you crumble dad? You've been such a rock to everyone! Be a rock to yourself… I love you dad no matter what… yes we had some differences, but that doesn't make us hate each other… does it?' she asked.

'No… it doesn't…'

'Good… then let's forget the past and see the future… yes we do have to see what we did wrong in the past, but that doesn't mean we should be stuck in there, dad… we should move forward and look towards better days. Yes I know this isn't easy on any of you, and I'm sorry for all the pain I'm causing… but really… you shouldn't worry…' she smiled as we got up from my lap and went to her laptop bag and brought out a small notebook. She handed it to me. 'Open it… and read it dad…'

At first I hesitated but then I obliged.

* * *

_Dear Bert,_

_This is a new chapter and a new me… but first… I have to admit this to myself, and get this out. I am Sera Elizabeth Grey… and I am anorexic. I know it has always been the way I cope. I know I have a problem … and I know that if I don't do something, I'll die… and I don't want to die… I know that it is a long journey… and I know that it's not easy… and I know that I will refuse to eat… and that I won't be able to eat… but I will try… and I will beat this…_

_Sera…_

* * *

I finished reading. 'Sera…' I only managed to get as I looked at her.

'I know that I can't do this alone… and I know that I won't ever be able to get rid of all these feelings, and I know that I won't be able to deal with everything… but I know one thing… that I will be able to get back to what I used to be once dad…' She finished. I automatically moved forward and hugged her. I felt tears watering my eyes. I never heard her being this honest with me. I could finally see that there is light to the end of the tunnel.

'Sera, you cannot imagine how happy I feel right now! I don't want to lose you!' I started

'…and neither do I!' Ana added as she entered the room and joined the embrace.

'How long have you been here mum?'

'Long enough to know I have such a strong beautiful mature daughter…' She smiled as she kissed Sera's forehead. 'We both love you Sera… don't ever forget that…'

* * *

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	90. Chapter 89

**Sera's POV**

For once, I could feel that my parents were real. They were close, and loving, as they used to be before. They were calm and simply communicating. I loved having a simple conversation with them, however while dad was sipping his soft drink, I decided to drop the bomb.

'Dad?' I asked gently as he looked up at me. 'Can I ask something?'

'Yeah peanut…' He smiled as he took another sip of his cola.'

'Um… I was thinking… maybe…. I could get my leaner's permit? Please?' I asked while he choked on his sip and spitted it out. 'I just asked you to teach me how to drive… you don't need to panic!' I added while I saw mum laughing.

'Ana, this is no laughing situation!' He replied in a bit of a high pitch tone… almost like a girl's which cracked me up.

'Oh lighten up, my Christian!' Mum tried as she laughed and placed her arm on my shoulder.

'Lighten up? Seriously Ana!'

'She just asked to teach her how to drive!' She encouraged. 'My dad taught me how to drive when I was 14! I got my permits when I was 16!'

'Yeah… and that's why you have perfect driving skills!' He sarcastically replied.

'Hey! There is nothing wrong with my driving!' She replied in a pretend hurt voice.

'Uncle John was right!...' I commented. 'You two are kids!'

'Hey… we're not that old!' Dad replied almost hurt.

'You still get women falling for you Mr. Grey!' Mum imitated the girls that always blush in front of dad. 'Anyways… what are you going to do?'

'Please daddy!' I begged. 'I promise I'll follow every order and instruction…' I smiled hopefully.

'Well…' He started as he looked at my hopeful face. 'Oh damn… how can I say no to you baby girl!' He smiled as I moved forward and hugged him immediately.

'Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you Dad!' I replied excitedly. 'I should call Natalie… tell her the good news! Taylor already taught her how to drive and she already has her license.'

**Christian's POV**

I didn't know what she was quite saying after she hugged me. She hadn't done that in ages. When she was younger she used to give me those bear hugs when I gave in to something simple, yet to what she wished for. They had decreased until they were non-existent. Till now… and what surprised me most was that she asked me to teach her rather than Taylor or Sawyer. For a moment I felt a proud father… and my daughter needed me… we were doing progress. I finally realised that she wasn't beside me anymore.

'Where is Sera?' I asked Ana as I got back into my senses.

'She just told you she's calling Natalie.' Ana replied. 'Where is that head of yours Mr. Grey?' She teased.

'Well, I was still hung up on what just happened. She just hugged me Ana… she asked me for help… she wants me to teach her…'

'Yes Christian… She wants you… What's the problem in that?'

'There is no problem… It's just… She's not holding any grudges to us… she just forgave us…' I stated. 'If it was me…'

'Christian… that is what we both fail to see… She is different… She loves us and believes that love conquers everything.'

'…but don't you feel guilty Ana? She accepted us back into her life with nothing holding her back…'

'Of course I do feel Christian… I feel that we've let our daughter down… I feel that we both failed her in some way… and the state she is right now scares me more. I'm not supposed to be able to lift her up and yet I do… and although she did admit she has a problem, I don't see that she will cooperate willingly in eating.'

'I'll take care of her eating… however… you have to check her body for any new cuts. I'm not doing that… it would be uncomfortable for her…'

'…what if I find some?'

'Let's hope not baby…' I replied as I kissed my wife on her lips.

**Sera's POV**

'Natalie… pick up… pick up… pick up…'

'_Hello?' I heard someone groggy on the other end of the line._

'Natalie?' I asked surprised.

'_Yeah… who is this?'_

'It's me… Sera!' I replied confused. _/'She didn't recognise me, when we spoke yesterday?'/_

'_Oh… hey Sera… how are you?'_

'I'm ok… I should better ask you that…' I replied as she groaned.

'_I'm sick to the stomach Sera…'_

'Don't you think you should go to the doctor? You have been sick for almost a week now!'

'_It's probably a virus…' She replied. '…and this headache is killing me and my boobs aren't helping either, and I'm constantly tired… I don't have any energy anymore…'_

'What did your mother tell you?' I asked her gently.

'_She also thinks it's the flu or something…'_

While she was talking, I realised that these symptoms weren't new. Clarissa went through them. I remembered when Aunt Kate used to call mum and tell her about these symptoms…

'Um… Natalie, I know this is a personal question… but… um… when was your last period?'

'_We're synchronised… remember?' she replied back._

'Um… I don't get my periods anymore Natalie…' I replied back. 'I haven't had them in almost 2 years…'

'_Ohh…' she replied. 'Let me check…' She added as I heard her count few days. 'Sera…' She started slowly and I could hear fear in her voice. '…I'm…3 weeks late!'_

'Nat, calm down…' I tried. 'When was your last … um…'

'_Intercourse?' She suggested. 'Well… it was… 5 or 4 weeks ago! Oh shit… I think I'm pregnant! Dad will kill me!'_

'Natalie… don't blow it out of proportion for now… Take a pregnancy test first… then we'll see… besides Taylor won't kill you… he'll be angry but he won't kill you…'

'_Oh… you don't know dad as much as I do… He'll kill Mark first than me! Oh fuck! What have I done?'_

'Natalie… the stores are still open… go and buy a test… and if you want get back to me on the results… what do you think?'

'_Sera… please, we need to see each other… we need to talk!'_

'What's wrong?'

'_I should tell you face to face… When are you available?'_

'I have to ask my parents first…'

'_Listen, I'm heading out now… when I'll have the results I'll text you… till then think on a suitable day to meet please!'_

'I will I promise… and don't worry… your secret is safe with me…'

'_Thanks Sera… ohh and what did you want to tell me?'_

'Um… it's nothing… It can wait…' I replied seeing how things were to be.

* * *

I was already getting worked up on Natalie's situation. I decided to do some research on my own regarding the symptoms. Could it be PMS? I remember I had nausea and vomiting back when I used to have my own period… but then Natalie did play with fire… In all honesty I was scared for her. What was going to happen if she was pregnant? _/'Damn… when is she going to text me the result!'/ I thought to myself._

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Since she returned from her call, she looked worried and distressed. I tried putting it off, but her constant eye darting meant she was in deep thought, and one thing I promised myself is that I'll be there for her to support her and make her depend on me… on us… She was lost reading on her laptop, and every time Ana and I passed from behind her, she changed the webpage, and changed it back whenever we weren't in site… and this all happened since she hung up from Natalie.

'Sera…' I asked her grabbing her attention.

'Yeah… dad?' she replied gently.

'Are you ok peanut? Is there anything on your mind?'

'Um… no…' she replied as her phone vibrated.

* * *

**Sera's POV**

From: Natalie

Text: Fuck… it's positive! :( …

* * *

I felt my knees and legs lose their sensation and I felt my face draining from blood. I quickly replied.

* * *

To: Natalie

Text: Take another one… just to be sure… maybe a false positive?

* * *

I quickly pressed send and received the delivery report.

'Sera?' Mum asked as dad looked towards her. 'Talk to us honey… What's wrong?'

'Nothing mum…' I replied as my phone started to vibrate again. I realised it was Natalie calling. 'Um… I should get this…' I replied as I closed off my laptop and picked up.

* * *

'Hey… how's it?'

'_Sera, shit! It's fucked up! I'm fucked up!' She panicked._

'What did the second one say?'

'_Both are damned positive Sera!'_

'Natalie! Calm down! Maybe it's another false positive… you cannot be sure unless you go to the doctor's…'

'_Sera what are the odds of having two false positives? Don't kid yourself Sera! You are lucky! You don't have any period! You can't get pregnant!'_

'Wow… hold your horses Natalie! I didn't get pregnant not because I don't have my period but because I don't have sex! Amenorrhea doesn't mean I can't get pregnant…'

'_I'm sorry Sera… I didn't mean to hurt you! But I'm really worried!'_

'I know… don't worry… listen… talk to Mark first, and make sure to make a doctor's appointment! Ok?'

'_Yeah… dammit dad will kill me!'_

* * *

**Christian's POV**

'What are you doing Christian?' Ana replied as I grabbed my daughter's laptop and hacked into it.

'Seeing what she's hiding…' I replied as I started viewing the history. 'Pregnancy symptoms… Am I pregnant if I have nausea, and 3 weeks late period?... yahoo answers…' I started. 'What the heck?!' I exclaimed.

'Let me see…' Ana replied as she took a look herself. 'Christian this is no our daughter… you know her…'

'…but it's what she's surfing!' I replied as Sera entered the room.

'What are you doing with my laptop?' She asked as she tried taking it away from us.

'Sit Sera… I make the questions…' I ordered. 'What is all this?' I asked her as I turned the laptop to face her.

'Dad! It's not what it looks like!' She tried defending.

'Then what is it?' I interrogated.

'I can't tell you…'

'What can't you honey?' Ana asked gently as she lifted our daughter's chin.

'…because I made a promise…'

'To Natalie?' I asked her, while she remained quiet. 'Sera… is… is Natalie pregnant?' I asked her in disbelief.

'Shhh! Dad don't make it obvious!' She tried. 'Nat will kill me if she knows I told you…'

'…so she is? Right?' Ana replied again shocked as much as I was.

'Mum… what's the possibility of having two false positive tests?'

'Well… it's practically none… if it says positive then it is positive…'

'Oh… then yes… Natalie is…' She sadly admitted.

'Sera… are you ok?' I asked her gently. 'I'm sorry I got on my nerves…'

'It's not that dad… besides you had every right to be that worried… it will remind me for future reference not to play with fire… plus I have to change my password… it's just… I'm worried about Natalie…'

'Natalie is a grown woman Sera… you are her friend… she shouldn't put any stress to you…' Ana replied.

'What are you saying mum?'

'Sera… is Natalie going to be of a bad influence to you?'

'What? No! No hell no mum! She's the closest thing I have to a sister! I'm not losing her!'

'What we're trying to say is that…'

'Dad… she stuck by me when I needed help… she needs me now…' She smiled. 'I'm going to be there for her… no matter what…'

'Mr Grey, lunch is ready…' Chef LeBlanc notified us.

'Thank you LeBlanc.' I smiled as I returned to my daughter. 'Let's leave this for now… what matters for us is you Sera…' I smiled as I closed off her laptop. 'Now let's go for lunch…'

* * *

Although she admitted on wanting to get better, she still viewed the food as her enemy. I kept eyeing her from beneath my eye, trying to make it subtle as possible. I didn't want her to close off again… I just had to be patient, however, now knowing all the rituals, I had to pay extremely more attention to them. I saw them at hand that moment, and I knew I had to put a stop to them.

I placed my hand gently on her knee to stop it from keeping on moving, until finally it did. I rubbed her back gently while she took a small bite. I knew it was hard for her… I couldn't just force it down her throat. It doesn't work that way… patience was the key and answer after all.

Ana was already done and so was I, however she was still meddling with her food. I gave Ana a look so that she'll give us some privacy. I had to make her trust in me that I won't give up on her no matter what… after all that's what Ana and I decided to split the job.

'Honey… relax…' I encouraged. 'Can I ask you one thing?' I asked while she nodded. 'Aren't you hungry?'

'I… I don't know…' she replied softly as she took another piece of legumes. I stopped her hand and took the fork in my hand.

'We're going to do this together…' I advised her as I filled a decent amount of food on her fork. 'Don't think about it…' I continued as I held it in front of her.

'There is an…'

'No Sera…' I stopped her immediately. I knew what she was going to say. She hated raw onions, but its how the meal plan was. She had to have everything and nothing was to be removed. 'Don't think about it… open your mouth.' I instructed gently as she moved backwards from me. 'Sera it's not use in doing so. You have to eat… even if I have to feed you all of this…' I said again as I held it in front of her. She finally did open her mouth and the food on the fork disappeared from it. She started chewing slowly, and I could see her trying to avoid my gaze. We kept repeating over and over again the process until finally everything had disappeared. I checked the time and two good hours had passed. John wasn't joking when he said she needs to be overseen during mealtimes. I couldn't help but think on how things got this far… she can't even bring herself to eat… and it pained me… because food isn't the enemy… we made her this way…

'Can I be excused?' She asked gently.

'No… we're moving to the couch and while your mother is resting, we'll watch a movie… or talk… what do you think?'

'…but…'

'No buts Sera… no bathroom for now…' I ordered gently.

'Ok…' She finally accepted.

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	91. Chapter 90

**Christian's POV**

I finally managed to get her to rest. She was constantly moving and walking around, at times stopping to catch her breath. I knew what she was doing… she couldn't control it… but after some time, I managed to get her to stop and rest. I managed to get her to lay down with her head on my lap on the couch.

While she was reading some book, I kept thinking. Natalie pregnant? This was awfully bad. She was 18… a teenage will be raising a teenage. What will this do to my daughter? Will her company make her like her? Sometimes it's not the family… but it's the friends they are surrounded with. She was still very young… and I couldn't risk losing my daughter in any way… also… since when was Natalie dating? Let alone sleeping with other people! What if… What if my daughter wasn't a virgin before she was raped? What if she already slept with someone? /_'You idiot! You know Sera wouldn't do that!'/_/ I scolded myself. _/'…but then, she did go to that frikkin club with Natalie…'/_ I just don't know what to think! She's only 17, and her friends will sure put her in a situation where she either disobeys us to please her friends or obey us, and she'll be cut from her friends. There is no way she can win either way… I don't understand this mentality these days… back when I was her age, when my parents said something, I obeyed them immediately… no questions…

What about Taylor? He won't take this well… I already feel sorry for the guy that impregnated his daughter… this won't go well… for neither of them. He always brought his daughter up in discipline… and always put his foot down in anything… I still don't understand how she pulled this off… Not to mention, Prescott was on her tail… so she managed to trick Prescott as well? However Prescott doesn't stay constantly with her 24/7. Just like Taylor doesn't stay with my daughter 24/7.

Another swoosh from her book took me out of my thoughts.

'What are you reading?' I asked her gently as I removed my reading glasses and newspaper that I barely was paying attention to.

'The Republic… Plato…' she replied as she yet turned another page.

'Easy! You'll be finishing that in no time! You're practically eating that book…' I commented funnily as I played with her hair. 'I'd rather have you eat your food like that…' I continued softly as she sat her book down.

'What's wrong dad?'

'What do you mean?'

'You look thoughtful… and strangely quiet… and quiet you means trouble…'

'Well… I'm concerned…'

'…about?'

'Sera… what's this business with Natalie?'

'What do you mean?' She asked as she tried getting up.

'Stay…' I restrained her gently. 'I mean… I have many questions… for starters… when did her relationship sail?'

'I don't exactly know that dad… she told me when… when we went to L'Estillo…' She replied as she avoided my eyes.

'Have you…?' I started

'What? Have sex?' She confronted. 'No! Hell no dad! How could you even think that? I never had a boyfriend as yet… not even a fling…'

'Never?' I asked astonished.

'No! Never… I mean… I do like guys… and I wish I can find someone someday… but…'

'…but?' I asked her while she stood up to a seating position and I pulled her next to me.

'I don't think anyone would want me…' She admitted sadly, while I placed my arms protectively around her shoulders.

'Why do you say that?'

'…because… nobody would want me… I'm used… I don't feel me anymore… I feel dirty…'

'Sera… it wasn't your fault!'

'It was dad…'

'No Sera! It wasn't! and any guy that doesn't accept you for you doesn't even deserve you! You're an amazing young woman… and you should see that!'

'Why should I dad? You yourself didn't want to talk to me after that! Why should someone not related to me have a relationship with me, when my own flesh and blood said that I lost my name as his daughter?'

'Sera… I didn't mean that… I was angry at what that prick did to you! I was angry that I left you with no security with you… I thought there was going to be Nat's mother, and instead you were all alone… you went to that fucking club Sera… and I couldn't protect you!

'Dad!' She tried.

'No Sera… let me finish… I was blaming myself for all that you went through, and I was in pain… in pain of seeing you like that… and look where it gotten you! And you kept amazing me… you acted like nothing actually happened, unless the night came. It broke my heart hearing you shouting and screaming during the night… and I couldn't take all that pain away from you… and yet you went on with your life… with your studies… and to top it all you starved yourself… until your body couldn't take it anymore… and I didn't notice anything. I was to enclosed into what was I feeling that I let you fall down… I failed you Sera… and yet you managed to amaze me by forgiving anything that I did to hurt you… both to me and your mother… we pushed you, we played with your feelings… and here you are… acting as if nothing happened… and it's driving me nuts Sera! Normal people would hold a grudge and probably say something hard!' I reasoned.

'Dad, I don't have to hold a grudge… it would make me feel worse… I'd rather forgive and start over again, then holding to the past…' She replied. 'Dad what you fail to understand is that I never stopped loving you… not you and neither mum! I will never sabotage a family relationship. No matter what happens!'

'You always manage to amaze me Sera… you're mature for your age…' I smiled as I hugged her close to me. '…and no matter what a guy says to you… don't let him ever put you down. If he doesn't accept the fact that you were hurt, then he doesn't even deserve to look at you…and no guy will ever hurt my baby…'

'Really dad?'

'Yes! I literally beat up a guy your aunt Mia was dating…'

'What happened?' She asked me gently.

'Well… let's say that there were many things. For starters, his parents never accepted her, then they were having the same arguments over and over again, the same arguments every month, only to end up he shouting in her face and she cries. Then he started coming to her dates stinking, and at times he forgot to text her or call her for a whole day or two sometimes. Then he started commenting on other girls that he worked with, like how hot they were and a guy should never say that to a girl… not even as a joke. He wanted to go out with another girl while he was dating Mia. Mia confronted him and he said that his parents encouraged him to do so. She wasn't trusting him after that. He acted irresponsible and was irrespective towards mum and dad, and didn't think twice to say a hard word to her. She had to literally wait for his timing and he was manipulative…'

'…and how do you know about all of this dad?'

'Mia broke down in my arms one night… she asked me for some advice, and I couldn't just stand there. I held her through the night and I believed that her relationship wasn't going in the right direction. She broke up with him, but he made her feel guilty… she had to give in and got back together… but she couldn't trust him and love him as she used to… we spent hours discussing this… she kept trying to forgive him, and she felt more guilty because she then stopped putting input in her relationship. I could see she wasn't happy… he knew exactly what made Mia give in to him… he cried and she gave him what he wanted…'

'…and what happened then?'

'They split up! She cried… I remember… I held her the whole night… he broke her heart in many ways and he still wanted her, and she couldn't help it… she felt guilty for breaking his. He texted her saying that she shattered his heart…'

'…and what did you do?'

'I manned up for her and told him to leave Mia alone… she needed closure… and she wasn't going to get one… now she is happy with Julian. I still keep my tabs on him, even dad does so… we don't want her to get hurt… and I'll do the same with you!' I explained. '…and as for Natalie… I don't think it's a good idea that you'll hang out with her…'

'What? Why?'

'…because you need to focus on yourself Sera… you need to get better, and her pregnancy stress won't allow you. I know how you do… you consume yourself into others people's needs, and you'll forget yourself… you'll make time for her and help her…' I explained gently. 'When you were sick, she did visit you, but didn't stick by you… she had to keep on with her things… We were the ones to be there for you… Yes, I admit, Taylor, John and his family, Gail, Elliott and my parents were more there for you, till your mother and I opened our eyes… but right now you need to be focused on your recovery…'

'…but dad! She needs my support more than ever!'

'…and as a friend you will give it to her, but that's it Sera! You will not be hanging around her much… I don't want my daughter to end up like her!'

'Dad, just because she slept with Mark, doesn't mean I'll be sleeping with someone.'

'Sera I said no, and that's my final decision. You won't be hanging out with her, because you need to focus on your recovery!'

'Isn't that selfish?'

'No, because you will support her…'

'What about after she has the baby?'

'We'll see… probably she'll be too busy with the baby… but anyways… Your mother and I think it's the best decision.'

'Dad that's not fair!'

'Life isn't fair honey!' I chuckled. 'When you'll grow up you'll understand.'

'I think I already do!'

* * *

**A week Later – Sera's POV**

The day I've dropped the bombshell on dad finally came. I was about to take my permits test. I was very excited. I had already been taking few lessons with Uncle John. We thought on leaving it our little secret so it was a bit easy. Dad was grumpy while he was driving me back home, however I was on cloud nine. I was finally learning how to drive.

**Ana's POV**

I was already in the living room watching some television when I heard them entering home. I could feel some tension between them. I could hear Sera talk excitedly to both Gail and Taylor, however Christian came beside looking worse than he left this morning.

'Hey Ana…' He greeted grumpily.

'Hey baby… how did it go? Did Sera get her learning's permit?' I smiled gently, as I put my arms around him and kissed him gently.

'It was a nightmare…' He replied.

'She flunked?' I asked in surprise.

'Worse…' He replied as he rubbed his face and rested his back to the couch.

'I PASSED!' Sera came running in as if on cue with a paper in her hand.

'That's great honey!' I replied happily while I hugged her, while Christian kept looking worse and worse.

'Now all I have to do is drive a car!' She replied excitedly. 'Dad?'

'Ohh no… Not now Sera!' He replied again as she moved forward to him.

'Oh come on daddy! For me?' She asked gently as she kissed his cheek. 'I will follow your every order, and won't question you…'

'Well… putting it like that…' He started. 'I don't like the idea of you driving! We have a perfectly good security system, and you have Taylor to drive you wherever you want!' He reasoned with a bit of hope on his face.

'Dad!' She punched him lightly only to her fingers cracked.

'Ok… ok… fine… We'll go tomorrow… ok?' He replied gently as he pulled me beside me. 'We're heading for trouble Ana…' He continued.

'Why?' I asked him gently.

'If our daughter turns half a driver as you are, we would have to literally make a news statement for nobody to be driving when our daughter is out driving.'

'Dad!'

'Christian, I happened to be a very good driver!'

'Yeah apart for when you forget to fasten your seatbelt, speak on your phone when driving, listening to load music, ohh and not to mention forget to switch on your indicators when needed, not to mention the speeding tickets!'

'Oh come on Christian! Lighten up!' I chucked. 'What's driving without having some ups and downs?'

'Not endangering your life!'

'Sera… listen to me…' I started. 'If your father starts driving you nuts with all his lessons, just tell me…'

'You should better start with what you have in mind mum!' She laughed.

'Yeah… yeah… laugh while you can!' He replied. 'All you have in your hand is a piece of paper Sera… that doesn't mean you know how to drive…'

'…and that is why you will teach me daddy!' She smiled again.

'Damn… you know exactly which buttons to push to make me say yes.' He smiled. 'I love you kiddo…'

'I love you to daddy!' She replied. '…even you mummy…' She smiled again as she moved forward to hug me. 'I'll go call grandma Grace and grandpa Carrick.'

'They're coming tonight… you can tell them the good news…' I suggested.

'Ok!'

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	92. Chapter 91

**Christian's POV**

She was clearly more excited about driving more than I was. I was hesitantly driving in the furthest parking lot, which almost took half an hour drive. I wanted to delay this more than ever. She'll be getting all independent once she learns how to drive and she won't need me… I just got my daughter back and I'll be losing her again to this damn technology… Is this what my father experienced when Mia learned how to drive?

She knew I was trying to put it off as long as I could, however finally I had to pull into the next parking lot. There was no excuse I could bring up… the lot was practically empty.

'…and this is my breaking… I'm pulling over like this…' I started gently as I put the car to a stop, and both of us got out of the car. 'As I say! There's nobody better to teach you than your old dad…' I smiled as she held her hand out.

'Ok dad, hand over the keys.' She excitedly said as I took them out of her reach.

'No, no, no! First let's go over a few small details.' I instructed.

'Dad, the keys…' She insisted again.

'No Sera… Listen…' I continued as I moved backwards. 'Now this is an automobile Sera. This is the hood, the headlights, bumper, buds…' I explained gently as I motioned to everything.

'Keys!' She simply requested again while I pouted and finally handed them to her.

'Ok…' I replied as I handed them to her, yet still holding them strongly into my hand not wanting to let go.

'Dad!'

'Ok… ok… fine!' I finally gave up.

'YESSS!' She smiled as she went straight to the driver's seat while I took my seat on the passenger's side. 'Ok, seatbelts on…' She smiled.

'Very good!'

'Can I be more responsible?' She smiled proudly as she placed the key and brought the engine to life. 'Ok, and the car on!'

'Whoa, whoa! Aren't you forgetting something?' I stopped her again.

'Oh yeah… radio on!' She smiled as she switched it on.

'Sera!' I grumbled as I switched it off.

'Dad! I have to learn to drive with music like a normal person!'

'I don't want you driving like a normal person! I want you driving like me.' I retorted back. 'Follow my instructions completely now, ok? First adjust the mirrors…' I instructed while she obliged. '…very good… Now Sera, listen, get your radar out. Ok? Examine the big picture… Check for traffic, pedestrians, stray cattle, cats or dogs.'

'Dad, we're in an empty parking lot…' She reasoned.

'Are you going to question every instruction I give you?' I challenged.

'Sorry…' She apologized. 'No stray cattle, cats or dogs…'

'Very good… Now secure the litter bag…'

'This is unbelievable dad!' She said again while I glared at her, and she finally obeyed. 'Litter bag secure sir…anything else?'

'Nah… I think that just covers it all!' I smiled. 'Why don't we just pack it in today and let it sink in?' I suggested hopefully.

'What? I didn't even get to drive!'

'Ok, fine…' I pouted. 'Guess we can move to lesson number 2…' I grumbled. 'Ok, now, with your hands holding the wheel firmly at 10 and 2… no no Sera! That's 11:1, I said 10: 2… Good… put your foot on the break, and carefully put the car into drive. Ok, now slowly and gently take your foot off the break and put in on the accelerator pressing ever so lightly.' I instructed while I felt the car move, and made her jump with shouting. 'EVER SO LIGHTLY SERA!' I shouted while she took her first break. 'PUT IT IN PARK! PUT IT IN PARK!' I ordered immediately while she let go of the wheel.

'Uh! Dad you are making me so tense!'

'Tense is good it will keep you alert!' I replied back. 'Ok ok, I'm sorry… let's just start over again…' I calmed down. 'Have the 10 and 2, foot on break, put the car into drive, this time keep your foot off of the gas pedal… let's just master the fine art of riding the break… ok?' I instructed while the car started moving not more than little paces. 'Oh… that's nice… There's no need in being a speedy demon.' I smiled.

'Dad, I think a snail just passed us!' She replied sarcastically.

'WAIT STOP STOP!' I Shouted again.

'Now what dad?'

'You're heading straight into that tree!' I said as I motioned to the other end of the lot. 'Don't you see it?'

'You can't mean the tree on the other end of the lot!' She exclaimed. 'Dad! I'm nowhere near it!'

'I didn't say you were near it! I asked you if you saw it! Sera you are never going to learn how to drive if you are not going to listen to me!'

'Well, I'm never going to learn because you don't want me to learn!'

'Oh ok! That's it! You are way too emotional to be in the driver's seat. Switch places! Out of the car…' I order as we both took our seatbelts off and got of the car.

'Fine!'

'Fine…'

'Fine…'

'Fine!...' I said again as she entered in the back seat while I took the driver's seat.

'What are you doing back there?' I asked her as I looked towards her.

'Well, I'm really not in the mood to sit next to you! You don't trust me… you don't want me to drive! You don't want to help me… so… please just leave me alone…' She grandstanded.

'This went well…' I replied sadly. I knew I wasn't helping her and I was sabotaging her lessons… but I didn't want her to get all independent. She would leave me… leave us… and she wouldn't need us anymore… I wish she could understand how I feel about this. I looked in the rear view mirror, and there she was, texting on her phone. 'Who are you texting?' I asked her gently.

'Natalie…' She replied gently.

'What have I told you about this Sera? We talked about this…' I reasoned with her as I took my eyes off the road for a second to look at her and went back to the road.

'Dad… she's the only friend I have… she's the close thing I have to a sister… she needs me more than ever… and you told me not to hang around her… and not to not talk to her… I still am following your rules…'

'You're going around the rules… you're still not quite following them…' I replied. 'What did she tell you?'

'She told Mark and her mother…'

'…and?'

'Well, Mark still didn't accept the situation, and her mother is furious…'

'…wait till Taylor finds out!'

'She asked me to be there with her when she tells Taylor…'

'Sera… I don't think you should get involved into this… I don't see anything good coming out of this for you…'

'Dad… this is selfish… she needs me…'

'…and where was she when you needed her Sera? Nowhere…'

'Dad I owe it to Taylor…'

'Sera you don't owe anything to no one! Natalie got into this situation alone… and she has to face the consequences. You didn't tell her to go sleep with that fucker!'

'Hey Mark isn't a fucker dad!' She defenced. 'Yes… he slept with Natalie… but that doesn't make him a fucker… if anything both of them where in the situation… it was consensual…'

'Still… it doesn't eliminate the fact that he impregnated Natalie… he should have been more careful! Both of them!'

'Dad…'

'Ok… ok… fine… but once she tells Taylor about this, I want you to promise me that you won't be hanging around her, unless she really needs you… you need to get your strength back… and you need to get better… her stress would only make you worse….'

'Really daddy? You are allowing me?' She smiled.

'Yes honey… but only because I know this would be on your conscience if you don't do this…'

'I love you daddy!' She smiled as she kissed me on my cheek.

'You love me because I give in to your pleas?'

'No… I love you because although you're uptight you have the best interest for me… and most of all because you're my dad…' She smiled as she moved into the passenger seat.

'Sera! That's dangerous! What if I just had taken a brake? I could have killed you!'

'Oh come on dad! Lighten up! I just came beside you!' She smiled as she fastened her seatbelt. 'She asked me to go now… is it ok for you?' She asked me gently.

'Now? Does Natalie think that you don't have anything to do expect waiting for her agenda?'

'Dadd!'

'Ok… fine… I'll drive you…' I smiled as I took the next turn to Taylor's house. I couldn't say no to her. I never understood how good she was… which worried me… I don't want any guy to take advantage of her kindness… she's way too innocent to know all the hurt, danger and evil around… I guess I have to do the hurdle when we come to that. '…but I'll be coming with you… I'm not letting you deal with this alone…'

* * *

In few minutes we both made it to Natalie's house. Taylor was already there… I could see the car parked. I knew this wasn't going to go well… and the worst part… my daughter had to be involved.

'Ok… I'll try calming Taylor before you two break the news… ok? Once she tells him, we're heading out…and if I you feel that this is too much to handle I want you to tell me… am I clear Sera?'

'Yes daddy…' She smiled as she kissed my cheek. 'I love you.'

'I love you too peanut…' I smiled.

**Sera's POV**

I was scared as much as Natalie was. She was very nervous and I could see the pained look on her mother's face. Taylor was still trying to figure out what happened that managed to get his wife like this… ex-wife to be exact.

'So… have you planned on how to tell him?' I asked her gently as I helped her up.

'Not really… which is why I asked you to be here… he will go ballistic… but you here will probably make him calmer… I know that the little stress for you may set you off…'

'… so…. You are using my problem for you Natalie?' I asked her gently, almost hurt. 'That's selfish! And here I thought you are my best friend…'

'You are Sera… it's just… I need you emotionally and physically… and girl… you should put on weight… my 6 year old cousin looks better than you… I thought you were in recovery!'

'Hey! Relax with the comments Natalie!' I replied hurt. 'I'm doing the best I can! I don't make miracles… I know I'm in deep shit… you don't have to keep reminding me…'

'I'm sorry… I didn't mean to hurt you…'

'It's fine…' I replied gently.

'…but please… do take care Sera… Dad told me you were dying… and that your heart stopped…'

'I'm fine now…'

'… you don't look like it Sera! …and what about school?'

'Dad got me a private tutor… I'm home schooled for now…'

'That's lucky!'

'Not! You don't have any friends… no going from class to class… no guy drooling… and no nice guys…'

'Is it a he or a she?'

'A he… Why?' I asked her.

'Is he cute?'

'What? Why?' I asked her confused.

'Well… you know… a one to one lesson… probably you see him for hours a day…'

'What? No Natalie! He's my teacher! It's just wrong!'

'You're so old school!'

'Well… I'd rather take everything slow…' I replied back. 'Anyhow… Are you going to tell Taylor? Ohh and you should know my father is here… you know for support…'

'What? You brought Grey senior?' She retorted.

'Well… he was with me… and when I was surfing on the net for your symptoms he thought I was pregnant… I had to tell both my parents!'

'Great! So I trust you with a secret and you tell your parents? Are you fucking stupid Sera?'

'Hey! Easy there! Nobody told Taylor as yet Natalie! There's no need to get all defensive with me… I'm only trying to help you out!'

'Yeah by telling your parents Sera?'

'I had to! What did you expect me to do? Tell them I'm pregnant?' I replied back. 'Anyways… are you going to tell Taylor or not?' I continued impatiently. I swear I was getting more like my father the more I grew up!

'…ok… ok… let's tell him now…' She replied. 'Can you tell him for me?' She begged.

'No! No Nat I won't! I don't want Taylor to hate me!' I replied defensively. 'You got in this mess… I'm only here to help not getting into this situation!'

'Ok… fine…' She replied in a smug.

* * *

We were all in the living room, and Natalie's mum was sitting on the couch, crying her eyes out. I guess this wasn't easy on any of them. Taylor couldn't rest quietly. He knew there was something wrong. He kept pacing to and fro… Natalie, on the other hand remained standing… she didn't know how to say it to him.

'Ok… is any one of you going to tell me what's wrong?' He finally spoke, while I looked at dad where he was standing by the living room entrance.

'Um… well…' Natalie started as she looked at me.

'Go on…' I whispered encouragingly.'

'Um… dad… I know this is… um…'

'Natalie… just spit it out!' He said impatiently.

'Dad… I… I'm… I'm… pregnant…' She finally said. I could see Taylor change shades. From red to crimson to violet. I could see heat radiating from his face, and I could see him getting angrier and angrier.

'You what?' He said quietly yet sternly as he moved forward to her.

'I… I'm pregnant dad…'

'…and you knew about this Sera?' He asked in a dangerous quiet tone while I felt intimidated.

'Um… yeah…' I replied gently.

'…and you didn't have the decency to tell me that my daughter was sleeping around?' He interrogated.

'It wasn't my place Taylor…' I replied softly.

'Sera… I expected more from you!' He replied staring at me.

'Taylor…' Dad intervened. 'You cannot blame this on my daughter…' He stuck up for me.

'Dad… I made her promise not to tell you…' Natalie continued.

'…and look where that got you Natalie… look at how your mother is! And look at what you just did to your future!'

'Dad don't blow this out of proportion!' Natalie retorted.

'I'm blowing this out of proportion Natalie?' He shouted as he moved forward to her and grabbed Natalie from her arms. 'Natalie you fucked up and who will be the ones to care for this child? US! Your mother and I!'

'Dad you're hurting me…' Natalie tried.

'Jason… Take it easy…' Lisa told him.

'Easy my ass!' He retorted. I moved forward and touched his hand lightly from his side. 'Taylor…' I tried but he was on full security mode. He pushed me away immediately only to fall on my arm and a loud crack was heard.

'Sera!' Lisa and dad said while I felt a sharp pain in my arm. 'Honey are you ok?' Dad said as he came down to me while I cried.

**Christian's POV**

'My arm…' She cried while Taylor turned his gaze to her.

'What did I do!' He asked himself rather than me as he tried to touch her.

'Don't…' She retorted while I helped her up and touched her arm lightly, but even that hurt a lot, as she screeched in pain.

'I think you broke it…' I replied as I glared at Taylor. 'This is not over Taylor…' I replied in my CEO voice. 'If your daughter screwed up, it's her business, but that doesn't give you the right to hurt my daughter…'

'Christian, I didn't mean to!'

'I know…' I replied sternly as I took out my phone and held a protective arm around my daughter. 'I want you to come to my study as you come back to work…' I added as I dialled my mother's number and made our way out.

* * *

'Sera… how are you feeling?' I asked her as I helped her get her seatbelt on.

'I'm fine dad…' She said in gritted teeth.

'Sera… stop this fucking mask… you are allowed to show your pain!' I scolded her while I kept waiting for my mother to pick up.

* * *

'_Christian?'_ _She asked as she picked up._

'Hey mum… Listen, do you have a minute?'

'_Yes honey… Is everything ok?'_

'No mum… Sera fell and I think she broke her arm… do you have a minute right now?'

'_Son, I'm preparing for surgery… I'll tell your father… he can aid to her…'_

'Yeah ok… Should I call him?'

'_No honey… you just bring her here… I'll notify your father…'_

'I'll be right there mum…' I replied as I hung up and looked at my kid. She was already lost in thoughts and scratching her fingers while she held her broken arm tightly. I could see her biting her lip and trying to hold on to the pain. This is what scared me. She never knew when she was hurting herself. 'Sera… for God's sake! Can you stop scratching those fingers!' I said as I brought out a tissue from my pocket and covered her irritated bloodied fingers. 'Don't move…' I ordered as I started the engine and dialled Ana.

'_Hey Christian. How did the driving go?' She asked cheerfully as I put her on speakerphone and started making our way to the hospital._

'Bad Ana… listen, I'm taking Sera to the hospital… she broke her arm…'

'_What? Where you in an accident? That's it she's never driving again!' She panicked._

'Ana… Ana calm down… We didn't have an accident… she fell…'

'_I'm coming to the hospital…'_

'No need Ana… I'll stay with her…'

'_Are you sure?'_

'I'm sure Ana…'

'_Let me talk to Sera…'_

'You're on speaker phone Ana…'

'_Sera, baby are you ok?'_

'I'm fine mum…' She replied slowly. I could see that she is in pain.

'_Ok baby girl… Call me if you need anything… ok?'_

'Mhmm…' She replied.

'Ana, I have to hang up because we've just arrived.'

'_Ok baby… love you…'_

'I love you too honey…'

* * *

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	93. Chapter 92

**Christian's POV**

As I thought… she had broken her arm… her bones were too weak to take any collision. At least it was her arm rather than her head. It would have been worse. I couldn't imagine my daughter ending up in a concussion.

Since we left from Natalie's she had been awfully quiet… and it worried me. What happened that got her this way? For sure it wasn't Taylor's unfortunate accident… I could sense some coldness between both girls… and it was strange… they are usually attached to the hip!

It was at around 4pm when we arrived home. She didn't say a word the whole drive. She was still rubbing her casted arm gently… not to mention it was itching her. I picked up a bottle of painkillers on the way. She would need them. I remember when she was younger and she broke the same arm… It hurt her a lot… and I guess it would again… not as it had… but still.

We entered home in utter silence. She didn't say a word… she greeted Ana gently, and also Ana could sense something.

'How are you baby girl?' She asked gently.

'I'm ok…' She simply replied as she avoided our eyes. 'I'm going to my room…'

'No…' I stopped her to a halt. 'You still have to eat…'

'Not hungry dad…' She replied as she made her way up while Ana gave me a worried look and mouthed _/'What happened?'/_, while I mouthed back _/'I don't know…'/_

'Sera!' I said again catching up to her. 'You know you can't skip meals… It's time to eat…'

'Dad… I'm really not hungry… It has nothing to do with… with that…' She replied. She didn't say her disorder… this had to do with it, especially as she didn't have a problem on mentioning it before.

'Oh yes it does Sera…' I glared at her. 'Either you're coming down willingly, or else I'll get you down myself… your choice Sera!'

'Dad…'

'Sera, there are no negotiations and no discussions… I have to put my foot down on this…'

'It's for your own good…' Ana backed me up while she rolled her eyes. I took her left arm gently and guided her down. I took her from her shoulders and made our way to the kitchen. Everything was already prepared. We all took our usual seats, however she wasn't so keen on doing so. Ana and I both exchanged looks. We knew something happened that set her off. I knew this was going to happen. I just wished she could talk to us freely.

**Ana's POV**

We all dug in, however she remained beside me trying to function with her left arm. She's a right handed and it was harder eating with the wrong arm, not to mention that she didn't even try bringing the fork to her mouth. She kept moving her salad around.

'Honey, what's wrong?' I tried as I bought her out of her thoughts. She was doing so well, and one trip to her friend's house and look how she is.

'Nothing mum… I'm fine…' She smiled weakly.

'Then why aren't you eating?' Christian tried again.

'I'm not hungry dad…' She replied again. 'Can I please eat later?' She asked gently.

'No Sera… you know how dangerous it is for you to skip meals…' He started.

'You cannot do that!' I added. 'You need to eat… just take few bites…' I encouraged.

'…but I'm really not hungry…' she begged again.

'Sera… I'm sorry but you have to eat!'

'Dammit! When are you going to understand that I'm really not hungry and that this is not some fucked up excuse to not eat!' She retorted on her last nerve as she pushed her plate away and made a run to her room.

Both Christian and I remained dumbstruck at her outburst. There was something wrong for sure. Christian removed his napkin from his lap in irritation. He was worried as much as I was about this. If we let this start again she will relapse, and John talked to us about this.

'I'll go talk to her…' He replied as he moved his chair backwards and made his way up.

'Christian…' I stopped him.

'Yeah…' He replied.

'Be gentle…' I advised.

'Don't worry about that…' He smiled. 'You eat up Mrs. Grey… you have flight to catch.'

'Do you want me to cancel it? I can stay with Sera and you…'

'We'll be fine…' He smiled as he went up the stairs.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I knocked gently on her door, but there was no response. I opened the door gently and there she was. Lying on the ground staring at the ceiling.

'Can I come in?' I asked her gently.

'Would it make a difference if I say no?' She asked quietly.

'Nopes… still coming in…' I replied.

'Than why ask dad?' She replied back as I lay down beside her.

'You do know that you have a very comfortable bed right? The floor is hard…'

'It's comfortable dad…' She replied as she rested her head on my shoulder. 'I… I'm sorry for the way I reacted back then…'

'It's ok peanut…' I comforted. '…but please… tell me… what's wrong?'

'It's nothing dad…'

'Sera you don't have to deal with this alone…'

'Dad you would tell me that you told me so and that you warned me… and that both you and mum gave me the orders for a reason… I know how this works…'

'Are you talking about Natalie?' I asked her while she looked away. 'I'll take that as a yes…' I replied gently. 'Hey… look at me…' I continued as I lifted her head from her chin. 'Whatever happened is not your fault… you tried to help and be there for your friend… if she did something wrong, it's her loss not yours…'

'Yeah…'

'Are you going to tell me what happened? Or do we have to play 20 questions?'

'We haven't played that in ages…'

'Stick to the topic Sera… don't try avoiding it… it won't work with me…'

'…and I wonder why you have no board to answer too…' She chuckled.

'There's that smile…' I noticed. 'Now… what happened?'

'It's nothing dad… it's just… Nat said some hard words… and I feel bad…'

'What hard words?'

'Dadd…'

'Sera I need to know to be able to help you…' I encouraged.

'Well…' she started. 'She said that she wanted me with her because she knows that Taylor knows that the little stress would set me off… I… it's not true dad! If anything I know how to handle stress…'

'I know you can honey… What else?'

'…and then she said that I need to put on weight and that her 6 year old cousin looks better than I do… and that I don't actually look fine… and that I was supposed to be in recovery… and she took it against me because I told you and mum about this…' She admitted. 'I swear dad that I don't do this on purpose…'

'I know honey you don't… nobody would want this pain… and I know that this controls you… but you are a strong person baby girl…you've come this far…' I tried. 'How do you feel about this?'

'Hurt… used… I'm supposed to be her best friend daddy, and she's using my…'

'Say it…' I encouraged.

'…my… anorexia… for her to have less of a consequence… it's not fair dad…'

'Honey life is not fair, and unfortunately we're surrounded by people like this!'

'…but this is Natalie we're talking about dad… she was never like this… did I do something wrong?'

'Hey don't blame yourself kiddo! She got pregnant! You didn't tell her to do so… and if Mark doesn't man up and accept the baby than it's his problem and he's not a man… She was angry and she knows that you can take anything… so she took it on you…'

'That's not helping…'

'I know… but you shouldn't blame yourself for her attitude… you are her age, and yet you've never been disrespectful to any of us… she was… and that is not your fault…'

'…but words hurt dad…'

'I know they do kiddo… but that shouldn't be a reason to starve yourself! It isn't your fault Sera…'

'What about Taylor? He said himself that he didn't expect it from me…and by the way… thanks for sticking up for me…'

'Sera, I'm always going to be on your side no matter what… and Taylor was out of line telling you that… You swore to secrecy… it is not your fault baby girl…'

'…but I feel like it…' She replied. 'Dad… can I trust you with something?'

'Of course you can… you shouldn't have to ask…'

'Well… remember that weekend of the chemistry camp?'

'Yeah?'

'Well… Natalie never came to it…'

'What?'

'She spent the weekend in a hotel room with Mark… they booked it as their anniversary month or something…'

'You lied for her?'

'Not exactly lied! Twisted the truth… actually didn't say the whole truth…'

'You never…' I started to ask.

'No dad… I never did something like that… and you can ask all my teachers about that…' She replied while I took a deep breath.

'Sera, she's dragging you down with her… you need to think about yourself first… and this should be your rule… always!'

'…wouldn't that be wrong?'

'Sometimes… you have to do that honey…' I replied as I kissed her forehead. 'You have to tell Taylor about this…'

'…and make Natalie hate me more?' She replied. 'Yeah… right…'

'If you don't tell him, I will! I'm not hiding something like this from him. His daughter is important to him and he needs to protect her.' I explained. 'If you tell him, he will appreciate more…' I suggested. 'You'd be looking out for your best friend.'

'You think so?'

'I know so…' I smiled as I ticked her tummy lightly.

'Dad… stop it!' She laughed as she tried getting away from me.

'There's that smile I've missed!' I replied. 'Come on…' I continued as I got up from the floor and helped her to her feet. 'You still have to eat… one way or another…'

'Dad…'

'No Sera… you are going to eat… end of discussion! Even if I have to feed you like I've been doing a couple of times…' I replied as I dragged her out.

* * *

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	94. Chapter 93

Stay tuned for the next chapter! :D Deal breaker!... What will Natalie do when she discovers that Taylor knows everything? :)

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

I couldn't believe that my only daughter could do this… to herself most of all… it is her life… Both her mother and I had sat down with her and explained everything to her in greatest detail. She knew all about the dangerous STD's she can catch… she knew that we believed in sex after marriage… she knew everything she needed about contraception… I understand that teenagers today have all kinds of peer pressure and everything… but that doesn't mean anything. I don't see Sera sleeping around… she was always so good… and look where it ended her up… She always paid attention… and she wasn't a bad influence on my daughter… What had gotten into Natalie? Not to mention… I pushed the poor girl away from me when she only tried calming me down. Damn! And I still have to face Christian's wrought… Exactly what I need today… But I shouldn't compare the two girls together. Both Christian and Ana pushed her away… and I know that although Sera forgave them, she still fears that they'll go back to the arguments and pushing her away. We've spent hours talking together the first night she came back to us. I must say… I missed her while she was at John's… It wasn't Sera's fault that my kid slept with that fucker… but then… she should have told me when she discovered… Where the hell did I go wrong with her? I've given her everything… I love Natalie… What did I do wrong?

…and now… Mark is leaving my daughter with the kid. No way in hell he's doing that. He'll be supporting the baby financially and is going to be there as a father. Natalie can't do this alone, and although Lisa and I will help her, she still needs help from him. I managed to get his number. I had to talk to his parents about this situation. They're practically kids going to raise a kid… and practically kids, to end up in this fucked up situation.

I pulled over… I was in no state of driving right now. I had to sort my thoughts out, before I continue my destination.

* * *

_**Flashback – an hour earlier**_

'_What are you going to do now?' I asked her gently as I held Natalie close to my chest. _

'_I don't know… I don't want this baby… I was thinking… on… on aborting…' She replied as she looked straight into my eyes._

'_What? You cannot possibly think about that?' I replied astonishingly._

'_Dad… what life can I give to this baby? When I don't want it?'_

'_Natalie… you should have thought about that before you slept with Mark!'_

'…_but dad!'_

'_No Natalie! This is a child we're talking about. It's practically murder Natalie! I'm not allowing my daughter to fix her mistake by making another mistake! You fucked up and now you have to face the consequences…' I replied. '…and you're grounded for life!'_

'_What? You're grounding me? Isn't me pregnant enough?' She asked back._

'_No I'm not… but you're literally grounded for life by your unplanned pregnancy Natalie. Your mother and I both taught you that a decision you make will affect everybody… whether it is small or big as this. Natalie, you are going to take this pregnancy to term.'_

'… _and who will raise it?'_

'_You… we'll help you out… but you are the mother.' I explained gently. 'Financially you can rely on us… and even for love and support… but you can forget clubbing, you can forget hanging out…'_

'_So I practically have no life?'_

'_You chose it… you have to go through it…'_

'_Can't I at least give it up for adoption?' She asked again._

'_No Natalie… If you don't love this kid, I already do! It's practically part of your mother's and I too… We're going to take care of the kid and love him or her… like we loved you… and we're going to raise him or her together.' I replied again as I hugged her._

'_Dad?' She asked again._

'_Yes honey?'_

'_Do you still love?' She asked afraid._

'_Of course I do baby girl. I always had and always will… no matter what you do! And right now you need us more than ever… We're sticking by you always baby girl…'_

'_Even now? That I've let you down dad?'_

'_Yes honey… even now… I admit… I was angry when you told me… but that doesn't mean that I don't love you. I've always had the best interest in and for you honey. I never wanted to let my daughter alone. Christian and Ana did that… and look where that ended Sera up! I don't want my daughter to end up like that Natalie. I love you so very much baby girl!'_

'_I do too daddy…' She hugged me tight. She was still a kid inside. I could see that. _

'_Who is the father?' I asked her as she let go of me._

'_Mark…'_

'_Did you tell him?'_

'_She called him… and told him…' Lisa replied as she brought some tea._

'…_and?'_

'_He didn't want to talk to me. He said that the baby is not his… he said that he has nothing to do with it…' She admitted._

'_He's probably still in shock.' I replied. 'I need his number…'_

'_Are you going to kill him?'_

'_For now? No… but I know how to make him vanish from the face of this earth if he doesn't man up and take the responsibility.'_

'_You're joking… right dad?' She asked almost scared._

'_Do I look like I'm joking Natalie? He hurts my daughter, and he has to see it with me! I wasn't in the military for nothing. I've picked up some tricks here and there.'_

'_Dad… when you talk to him… don't take your gun!' _

'_I won't… don't worry… but he won't hurt you… I can assure you that he will take the responsibility.'_

'_Jason… you're scaring her…' Lisa replied as she sipped from her tea._

'_I know…' I smiled. 'Natalie, you have to promise me, that you're never going to do anything like this. I know you did drugs… and I know have a tattoo…'_

'_How do you know?' She asked astonished._

'_I'm not stupid Natalie… you think that concealer will hide a 5 inch tattoo on your back?' I asked her. 'I don't mind about the tattoo… I have one… but drugs? Seriously Natalie!'_

'_How… how did you find out?'_

'_John… he called me…'_

'_Sera…' She said in spite._

'_She did well on talking Natalie… she's trying to recover… and to do that, she needs to talk and that means saying everything…'_

'… _but not mine too!'_

'_Natalie, there is no use in fighting this! She did the right thing, and I'm glad John talked to me about this… why didn't you come to me if you had a problem Natalie? Your mother and I never left you from anything…'_

'…_because… because… there was this guy I liked… and I wanted him to like me… so I tried doing everything he did dad…'_

'_So you did this over a guy? Are you nuts? Not only that! You dragged down Sera with you!'_

'_I know… and I did wrong… we made a promise to each other that we won't ever touch them again…'_

'_What prompted you to do that?'_

'_He… um… he… I caught him smooching with another girl…'_

'_I'm glad he did… he's not the right guy for you Natalie…'_

'_I know dad… I'm sorry…'_

'_You're forgiven… only if you promise not to do anything stupid!'_

'_I'll promise to not do anything that will hurt me… Stupidity… well… I'll do some, but you'll be there to pick me up dad…' She smiled as she hugged me. 'Dad… are you going to the Grey's tonight?'_

'_I have to… besides I have to face Christian… I hurt Sera unconsciously.'_

'_Can you tell her that I'm very sorry?'_

'_Sorry? For what?'_

'_I… I used her dad… and I feel guilty… I said some hard words to her… and I know she doesn't deserve them, when she only tried to help me…'_

'_You should call her Natalie… you have to apologize…'_

'_Do you think she'll still want to talk to me? She's the only one that stuck by me…and she's the only true friend I have… I'd hate it if I had to lose her…'_

'_Again… you have to face the consequences Natalie… like I have to with Christian…You cannot just use your friend and expect her to forgive you instantly. I've always taught you this… people aren't switches… when you need them you call for them and when you don't you push them away. Sera is a person as much as you are… and she never did anything to hurt you…'_

'_I know dad…'_

'_Natalie… can you please give your father and I few minutes alone? We need to discuss some things…' Lisa said gently as Natalie stood up from my lap._

'_Yes mum…' She said as she made her way upstairs. 'Mum?' She asked._

'_Yes honey?'_

'_I'm sorry…'_

'_I know you are baby girl… but I still love you anyways…'_

'_I love you too mum…'_

* * *

'_Jason, do you mean it?'_

'_What? Raising her kid? Of course I do… if we're not there for her now… when are we going to be?'_

'_No… what I mean is… She has to take this responsibility… this is her kid…'_

'_Ohh, and she will…' I replied. 'She has to be the one staying with the kid throughout the night and change him or her or feed him or her… we'll only help her when she really needs it… we'll always have her back…'_

'_Jason… why didn't we continue to try in our marriage?'_

'…_I wanted to keep up… you didn't want to Lisa… I still love you till this very day…'_

'_I'm sorry… I really am…'_

'_I know you are honey… but I'll always love you…' I said again. 'When are you going to take her to the doctor?'_

'_I've made an appointment with Dr. Greene… She'll be seeing her today…'_

'_Good… tell me how it goes… I have to go back to work…'_

'_Do you think Christian will give you some hard time?'_

'_I hurt his kid… I expect it…'_

'_She was scared of you when you pushed her…'_

'_I know… and that's what hurt me… she always relied on me… and I hurt her…'_

'_She's mature for her age… she'll see past it…'_

'_Yeah… I hope so…' I smiled. 'Listen, I need Mark's number and his parents too…'_

'_I've already written them down for you.' She smiled as she handed me a piece of paper._

'_When are you available to go and talk to them?'_

'_Any day… we need to clear this ASAP Jason…'_

'_Yeah…' I replied as I rubbed my face. 'So it wasn't a flu… it was morning sickness…'_

'…_and exhaustion…'_

'_She's having the same pregnancy you've had with her…' I smiled._

'_Like mother like daughter Jason…'_

'_Yeah…'_

_**End of Flashback**_

* * *

I grabbed my phone and took out the paper Lisa gave me. I quickly dialled the number and waited for someone to pick up. Soon someone on the other end of the line picked up.

* * *

'_Hello?'_

'Is this Mark?' I asked.

'_Yes…'_

'I'm Natalie's dad…' I replied.

'_Um… hello Sir…' he stuttered. '…What… what can I do for you?'_

'Can I speak to your parents please?'

'_Um… yes sir…' He continued as I heard some mumbling. 'Richard here…'_

'Hi Richard, I'm Natalie's dad… I think you know that your son and my daughter have been dating for these last couple months. Right?'

'_Yes… I must say she is a very nice girl. We love her. Is there anything we can help you with Mr. Taylor?'_

'Jason… please… Lisa and I would like to talk to you about a very important matter.'

'_Of course. Can I ask about what please?'_

'Yes… Natalie's pregnant…' I replied.

'_What?'_

'Yes, and it's Marks. Mark already knows about the situation, but he still hasn't manned up… in fact he still hasn't called her…'

'_Mark… get your ass here right now!' I heard him shout. 'Jason, I can assure you that my son will take up his responsibility. Is it ok for you if we meet tomorrow at around 4pm?'_

'Perfect. Thank you Richard.' I replied as I hung up. 'That went well…' I thought to myself.

* * *

I quickly texted Lisa with the news, and continued my way to the Grey's. I was already late for work. At least Christian never had a problem with me being late, especially as I rarely did it.

After few minutes of driving, I parked into Escala's estate, and made my way to the elevator. I punched in the codes, and soon was into the living room. I started my way straight to his study but I could hear Sera and Ana talking into the kitchen. I decided to check on her, and see how she is before I went in to my head slashing.

'Taylor!' She greeted as she waved at me awkwardly. I realized that she was doing so with her left arm, while the other one was casted and strapped to her neck.

'Come in…' Ana smiled as she poured in some tea. 'Would like some?' She asked.

'No thank you Anastasia. I came to check in on Sera.' I smiled as I ruffled the girl's hair. 'I have to talk to Christian.'

'Don't worry about dad… he knows it wasn't your fault. In your defence, I should have never came from behind. I know how military may have trained you.' She joked as she gave a look to her mother.

'I was telling her Ray's military training… and all the hard core embellishment you guys undergone.' She smiled.

'Someday I'll tell you some real stories myself…' I smiled back. 'How's your arm?' I asked her gently as I kissed her forehead.

'It's ok…' She smiled while Christian entered the kitchen with a bottle of pills in his hands.

'It's time for your medication Sera…' He smiled, as he brought her a glass of water. 'How are things Taylor?' He asked me calmly. I didn't expect him to be like this.

'They're ok. We're talking to Mark's family tomorrow.' I replied.

'That's good…' He smiled. 'Sera, has something to tell you…' He replied again while she swallowed her pain medication.

'Now?' She asked while coughing.

'There's no better time than this Sera…' He advised.

'What is it?' I encouraged.

'Dad?' She looked at him.

'Taylor… remember the chemistry camp?' He started taking the weight of his daughter.

'Yeah… You two had tone of fun.' I replied. 'Although… I don't see how chemistry can be fun…'

'Um…' She continued. 'I was doing chemistry… but… Nat was doing… um… some kind of other chemistry?' She almost asked.

'What do you mean?' I interrogated as I straightened my back, and crossed my arms.

'Um… well… I lied…' She admitted. 'Natalie never came…'

'Her boyfriend booked some hotel, and they spent the weekend together.' Christian continued trying to ease everything.

'What? And you don't tell me Sera?' I asked her. I couldn't believe she would keep this much of a secret.

'I'm sorry Taylor… but I promised her I wouldn't tell you. I tried talking her into trusting you… but she told me you would say no…'

'Hell yes I would have said no! Of course I would have!'

'Taylor… easy…' Christian ordered.

'Apparently it is easy for you two to keep secrets between you. What prompted you into telling me now?' I interrogated again.

'I told her too Taylor. You cannot blame this on my kid. She was trying to do the best thing.'

'Well, unfortunately Christian the best thing is obviously the worst.'

'Sera, off to your room.' He ordered as he glared at me while she obeyed immediately. 'Taylor, you have no right talking to my daughter like that… not under my roof or anywhere else… am I clear?'

'Christian don't get all bossy with me. Don't forget that you were the one that pushed your daughter away… and look at her… she barely has the strength to walk!'

'At least I'm trying to fix things, and turn things around.' He threw back sternly. 'Sera was trying to keep peace between you two…'

'Christian… calm down…' Ana tried while he took a deep breath.

'If your kid fucked up, it's not my problem, but if your kid's condition is going to drown my kid, then it does concern me.' He replied. 'They're both the same age… and I don't see mine sleeping around Taylor…'

'You know why? Because she was busy killing herself Christian. If it wasn't for me to be a father figure, she would have been gone by now.'

'…and I appreciate that… and I owe you my life for helping her out when I…we were missing.' He replied calmly. '…but you can't blame any of this on my daughter…'

'I know…' I finally admitted. I felt that I wanted to blame Natalie's pregnancy on someone. The kid knew everything that Natalie did. They were attached at the hip and yet I was still in the dark about many things. 'I know…'

'Taylor… We understand how hard this may be…'

'Hard doesn't even begin with…' I replied. 'I don't know what to do… She told me she wants to abort…'

'Abort?' Ana asked astonished.

'Don't worry… we're not letting her. We're taking care of the baby as if it is ours.'

'Taylor… if you ever need any help, you know you can come to us. We can give the child anything he or she needs…'

'I know Christian… but it is Natalie's responsibility. She is the mother, and I'm not letting her give the kid up. Besides… it's now part of me. I wasn't hoping on becoming a grandfather this early… but I want to be there… and so does Lisa.'

'Taylor… know that you can always come to us whenever you need.' He smiled assuring. '…but please… I'm asking you for Sera's sake. Don't hold it against her when she only tried to help out.'

'I know…' I smiled.

'Listen, can you stay with her while I'll drive Ana to the helipad? Gail had to do the groceries, and I'd rather leave Sera here to rest while I'll be back.'

'No problem. I'd rather make things good between us… and I'm sorry for pushing her away.'

'Don't apologize to me… apologize to her… but don't worry she doesn't blame you…' He smiled.

'I'm glad you're finally sticking up for her… Both of you… Just… don't ever go back to what you were with her… she's afraid of that…'

'We know she is Taylor…' Ana replied. '…and we won't… but if you see us slacking… grab our attention…'

'Sure I will…' I smiled.

* * *

**_PLEASE__ REVIEW_**


	95. Chapter 94

For all those that wanted more Christian and Sera heart to heart conversations :)... Enjoy! :D

and _**PLEASE REVIEW! :)...**_

* * *

**Christian's POV**

This had been the first night without Ana… without the Ana I fell in love with. Since she came back from rehab, I could feel our love become stronger… like when we were both younger and still dating… the love we also had when Jason was around… of a couple that couldn't keep away from each other for the littlest time possible… I missed her, but at least, we had e-mails helping us

* * *

From: Christian  
Subject: Your beautiful face…  
Date: May 8th 2014 00.15am  
To: Anastasia

I wish you are right here. I am truly missing you… How was your flight? Everything ok?'

Your loving husband… xxx

* * *

From: Anastasia  
Subject: Your sensuous touch.  
Date: May 8th 2014 00.17am  
To: Christian

I wish that too. Am all alone in this hotel with Sawyer outside. Thanks to your treatment, I had a great flight. 1st class seats are the best as always. I'm wishing you are here right now…

How's our daughter? Has she eaten? Is she resting? I can catch the next flight in few hours if you need me.

Your loving wife… xxx

* * *

From: Christian  
Subject: Your wish is my command…  
Date: May 8th 2014 00.20am  
To: Anastasia

I trust that you are resting well in the executive suit my lady… If you want I can be there in an instant, but I know, that I wouldn't let you go out to any meeting if Sera and I come. We would be simply going around. Which reminds me… we should have a family vacation.

Our daughter has eaten… she had put up a fight, but don't worry… we did it… she's now resting… like you should be Mrs. Grey… I trust you are ready to bed?

There is no need for you to come back early. I'm glad we have some father and daughter time. We are bonding, and she's finally talking (we're getting somewhere baby :) )…

Now please, switch your blackberry off and sleep Mrs. Grey. You have an early day tomorrow.

Your loving husband. Xxx

* * *

From: Anastasia  
Subject: You and your commanding :p.  
Date: May 8th 2014 00.22am  
To: Christian

No need to get bossy Mr. Grey. I will sleep whenever and however I like :p .

Yes we should :) … but let's give Sera some time to get better first. She would be exhausted, and she won't have enough energy to go around. Make reservations for next month. I'd love to visit London (and my daughter has the very same likings as I do, we discussed on visiting London, and she would love to go around.)

I'm glad you are bonding Mr. Grey. Just please don't turn her into you! I love having a girly girl with my tastes. I cannot say she's not mine. Give her a hug and a kiss from me. I'm missing her as much as I'm missing you.

Your loving wife :) xxx

* * *

From: Christian  
Subject: You should take care of that smart mouth…  
Date: May 8th 2014 00.35am  
To: Anastasia

Oh Mrs. Grey! You wouldn't know what I would do with that tongue. I'll lick you everywhere and make you orgasm like you have never before.

Reservations done for next month… London it is baby… :). Please, can you start involving me into your plans! I love my daughter being a girly girl… You'd be surprised at how girly I can be! :p.

I'll do so in the morning baby. :)… She's missing you a lot too. (and so am I baby :))

Now please, for once, just listen and go to sleep! My palm is already twitching, and I wouldn't think twice on dropping into your hotel :p .

Your loving husband that can't wait to see you again and be in his arms. Xxxx

* * *

From: Anastasia  
Subject: You and your twitchy palm :p  
Date: May 8th 2014 00.38am  
To: Christian

Oh Mr. Grey! You don't realise how much I want you to use that tongue on me… even your twitchy palm for the matter.

Wow! That was fast! Even for you! But I'm glad you liked the idea of going to London :).

I'm missing you both baby… Can't wait to be back into your loving arms.

Now please Mr. Grey, stop e-mailing me! I want to get my beauty sleep. :p

I love you baby :)

Your Ana xxxxx (my dreams will be filled with you)

* * *

From: Christian  
Subject: Be careful what you wish for  
Date: May 8th 2014 00.41am  
To: Anastasia

Just say the word Ana, and I will be there… but I have to advise you… you have to forget your work if Sera and I come :p…

Sleep tight my baby… you NEED your beauty sleep! :)…

I love you so very much as well honey.

Your Christian xxxxxx (so will mine :) )… xxxxxxxxx

* * *

I pressed send and switched off my data connection. I placed my phone on the bedside table and decided to let sleep take its course, however, some rummaging from, outside took me out of my sleep. I checked the time, and I realized it was 2 in the morning. The first thing I noticed was that beside me Ana wasn't there. It soon came into mind... Damn I missed Ana... I decided to get up and make myself a cup of tea. It always worked with Ana, and I guess we're not that different. However as I went downstairs, I found my daughter on the couch in the living room, with a quilt on top of her, reading a book.

'Sera?' I asked, but there was no response. She was too lost in her thoughts. I moved forward and touched her shoulder gently. She was cold against my fingers, but that did get her attention. 'Sera?' I asked again.

'Dad?' she asked as she closed her book with one hand and looked at me wide-eyed. 'What... What are you doing up at this hour?'

'I should better ask you that very same question...' I replied while she avoided my stare. 'I heard something... Guess it was you…'

'Sorry... I dropped the glass jug... Don't worry... I picked it up... It's there...' she pointed. 'I hope it doesn't have sentimental value...'

'It doesn't... It's the cheapest thing we have here...' I joked. 'I bought that in a garage sale... I wanted to donate money for a family in need, but they didn't want the money unless I chose something... So I chose that jug...'

'That's... Um... Strange?'

'Yeah...' I replied. '...so are you going to tell me why you are up?'

'It's nothing dad...'

'Listen...I'm making some tea... Do you want some? We can talk while we drink it.'

'Um... Can I have some water instead please?'

'Can I ask why you don't want tea?'

'You think I don't want tea because of the calories?'

'Well... I'm still trying to understand how this works peanut...'

'Dad... Stop fussing... It's just I'm not in the mood for tea... That's all...' she smiled.

'Ok... I'll be right back honey...' I replied as I kissed her forehead and made my way to the kitchen.

Few minutes later I returned to her with my cup of tea and her glass of water. She was still there lost in her book, reading... She kept rubbing her eyes, but that didn't seem to affect her. It got me wondered. If she's up at this hour... How many times have she done this?

'Sera?' I got her out of her thoughts again, as I placed the liquids on a nearby table.

'Yeah...'

'Nothing... Just wanted to know if your head is still here...' I replied as I raised her up gently and sat down, while placing her head back onto my lap. She still remained reading. 'Oh, and by the way… Natalie wants to meet tomorrow… she said she needs help with something.' She replied.

'Sera, are you sure that it's the best idea that you help her out? When right now you need to get better yourself?'

'Dad, Taylor had a talk with her… and said she needs to open up to someone… You told me yourself that I can only hang out with her when she really needs me… and I think she does…'

'You are right there… you're following the rules…'

'I know I am… I trust you dad… and I know you tell me to do things for my own good…' she smiled as she went back reading.

'What are you reading?' I asked her. It was an awfully heavy thick book. I could see veins popping out of her left arm trying to hold above her face.

'Nothing adventurous dad... It's an organic chemistry book... The one you bought me...'

'Why don't you rest honey?'

'I am resting...'

'Sera... This is not the first time is it?'

'Reading? Dad you know I read every day!' she said again as she closed the book and I took it from her hands and chuckled at her response.

'No... Not reading peanut...'I laughed as I put it near the liquids. 'I mean this... Waking up in the middle of the night.'

'No dad…' She admitted sadly.

'Why?'

'I don't know...I try to sleep...but it doesn't come easy... I mean I sleep for about an hour or so... And then... When the dreams start getting weird I wake up immediately... And I won't be able to sleep... I find it easy to just read... And here I can look outside the balcony and view the peaceful moon.'

'You're the spitting image of your mother...'I replied as I played with her hair. 'She loves relaxing here... For your very same reason...'

'I had to get it from somewhere didn't I dad?'

'How's your arm?' I asked her.

'It's acting up again...but it's ok...' she smiled. 'I removed the neck thing. It was irritating my neck.'

'Don't move it so much…' I instructed. 'How long have you been coming down here?'

'Since I came back...' she admitted. 'Back at the Flynn's I used to remain in the guest room... I didn't want to wake them up... You'd be surprised at the super hearing powers both John and Rhian have. Here it's easier…' she smiled.

'You know you could have come to us... We would have stayed the night with you...' I tried comforting her.

'Dad, you and mum need some privacy... I'm not taking that away from you.'

'Honey, we have our privacy... But your welfare is of a first priority to us!' I explained. 'What are the dreams about?'

'Nothing special dad... Always the same...' she started. 'You told me that if I ... I talk about it, I would be able to sleep...but I still get the nightmares dad... I don't understand...'

'Peanut... The healing process takes time... I know how tough it is to you...'

'That is it dad... I don't understand why I'm making such a big deal about this... I mean... I should be able to work through it without having to have nightmares... It's not a big deal... I mean it's not like I'm the first one to lose my virginity... I mean married people do so... My friend did so... Why am I making such a big deal about it... Everybody goes through it one day... And I don't understand how I can be this stupid...' she said in one breath almost talking to herself rather to me. 'I mean... It's just a something that I had to do someday... Maybe with someone else... But...' she continued again. It pained me seeing her like that. She tried making sense out of the situation but couldn't quite comprehend what she just went through. I squeezed the plan of her hand gently trying to get her out of her deep world. 'I'm not making any sense... Am I dad?' she asked

'Honey...you are making a lot of sense. You are trying to understand what went wrong and why you are reacting this way.' I explained. 'You lost your virginity in the most brutal ways Sera. You didn't plan on it, and most of all you didn't want to have sex... Hence the rape...' I continued. 'Honey you feel bad on what happened and you are trying to turn things around. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Yes, you did talk about it...but deep down you haven't come into terms with it. You wanted to save yourself, but that bastard was coward enough to show his dominance on someone as innocent as you are peanut...' I continued. 'Honey... What happened that night that you haven't told anyone as yet...' I asked her. I knew there was something beneath that she still didn't admit.

'What... What do you mean?' she stuttered.

'Sera... There is something that you are afraid to admit... You can tell me... I won't be angry with you...' I encouraged. 'I only want to help you and be there for you.'

After few minutes of her thinking and me trying to reassure her, she started talking again. 'I... Dad... It's... Ok... Promise me that you won't get angry...'she asked.

'I can't honey... This wasn't your fault.'

'Dad... It's just... Deep down I liked him... He was the first guy that actually caught my eye... Deep down... When he was talking to me... I wished he would kiss me and sweep me off my feet... I thought he was a good guy dad... I thought it was amazing to have that feeling… And...'

'...and?'

'For one minute I wished he would ask me out... You know... For a date...'

'Honey ... It's normal to feel an attraction to the opposite sex. It was your first interaction with the opposite sex in a desirable manner. As you said, he was the first to look at you in a different angle... In a non-friendly way.'

'...but... Dad I wished to have a relationship with him... I wanted him to kiss me... And I feel guilty.., because... What if I gave him the vibes to do so? What if I did led him on?'

'Honey you have to make a distinction between guilt and attraction. Attraction is for example when your mother was attracted to me and vice versa. But I didn't rape her... We dated, loved each other got married, and had you...' I explained.' What he did was beyond cruel... He let his foolishness and vile to make the worst of him and hurt you... That is not your fault... That is his stupidity! And I can assure you that he is paying for his vile... My lawyers took care of that...'

'What do you mean dad?'

'Let's just say that he won't be heard around for a very long time...' I smiled.

'Dad... Don't you feel disgusted by me?'

'Why should I peanut? All, I see is a strong, beautiful, kind hearted, and selfless person in front of me, and I thank God every single day for gifting your mother and I with a daughter like you... I regret everything we did wrong... I regret all the hard things I did and said to you... And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that I don't love you... But I always had the best interest for you...' I continued as I caught one of her tears. 'Peanut your mother and I love you dearly... Please... Don't give up on us... You are the only person that loves us unconditionally and we need that love from you... It is what keeps us strong...'

'Really? Or are you saying that to make me feel better?' she asked gently, barely audible.

'I'm serious baby girl.'

'Dad...' she asked gently.

'Yes peanut?'

'I love you...'she finally said... I hadn't heard her say it like that in years... I felt my heart beating faster...finally I was getting somewhere with her. She was finally saying it from the heart... And I could feel it. I picked her up gently. She was light as a feather, and I did it with no struggle. I hugged her tightly and didn't want to let go. I was getting the sera I knew back and I didn't want her to vanish.

'I love you too peanut!' I replied back, as I held her tighter paying mostly attention to her broken arm. 'Don't ever leave us again... Please...'

'I won't dad...' she smiled while I lifted her off and she remained holding on to my neck.

'Come... Let's go to sleep...' I smiled. 'You're staying with me tonight... Like when you were younger...'

'Are you sure dad? Besides I think you can put me down... I can walk... My arm is broken not my legs...'

'I don't want to let you go peanut... And yes I'm sure...' I replied as I entered the bedroom. I tucked in bed on Ana's side and kissed her forehead after making sure that every inch of her was covered. 'Goodnight peanut...' I smiled, as I took my side of the bed and pulled her gently close to me. 'Please try to sleep... You need it.' I encouraged. 'Or do you want me to read you a story.' I joked.

'Dad... I'm 17! Not 7 for God's sake.'

'I wish you were still that age... You've grown up so fast...' I smiled. '…but you'll always be my baby girl. Now sleep peanut... I'm here for you. I love you...'

'I do too daddy...' she smiled.

* * *

_**PLEASE REVIEW**_


	96. Chapter 95

For all those that wanted an Ana and Sera moment.

This chapter is dedicated to curls86, JulesTaylor, vdlucas, and Winless

* * *

**Christian's POV**

The night was still not easy with her. I kept waking up every hour, only to find her still awake. It was at around 4.47am that she lost herself into sleep. She looked so peaceful. It made me smile from the inside. I had missed that innocent face. I smiled to myself. I just realized… I had lost so much with her… and these are the little moments that I always loved… she sleeping in my arms… holding her close to my heart… the way that a father should love his daughter… unconditionally…no matter what happens or what she may do. I placed her arms gently under the covers, making sure that I won't wake her up again. She slept so lightly, that she could wake up with the little sound.

I lay down gently staring at the ceiling, still holding her hand and running smooth circles. Vivid images of her running towards us. I can never forget all that energy she had in her. She could bring a bright blue sky from a rainy stormy day. She knew exactly what to do to make a hard day's work dissolve into nothing except happiness.

I looked towards her again, and caressed her cheek gently. She was cold as ice, and she still looked very pale. My father said that she's improving… the blood tests are showing that… but physically she still is the same… Guess it truly is quality not quantity.

'_Please… don't give up…'_ I whispered gently as I let sleep take over me.

* * *

It was at around 6am, that my alarm buzzed. I quickly made a move to switch it off before it woke up Sera… It did… she stirred gently, but I sent her back to sleep, as she was still very groggy. I slowly got up and made my way to the bathroom, where I put on my jogging suit.

After getting ready in few minutes and greeted Gail, I decided to head out before Sera woke up. It would be easier like that. I don't want to leave her alone for any minute… but I need that hour run, and I can do it while she's sleeping.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

I looked outside the small window. The sky was clear… exactly like my thoughts. I didn't tell Christian about my plan, I wanted to surprise him… both of them. Besides I was missing them very much. I finally feel that we've broken all the ice, and finally we all are getting somewhere. I smiled to myself at the thoughts. It's a good thing that in Europe there is a time difference.

I grabbed the bag, and made sure for the 10th time that the souvenirs I brought were still intact. I had a small made scale of Christian's glider. I was so proud of the souvenir I managed to get my hands on. I know he loves these. He already kept the other Glider on his desk. He can keep this one somewhere else. He'd love this…

Beside his glider, I picked up my daughter's new ballet pointe shoes. She needed one… she had been using the same one over and over again that I was getting scared she'll hurt herself on it. It was becoming more of a soft shoe rather a pointe one. During one of the visiting sites, I managed to meet a ballet shoe maker. I visited his shop, and I got my daughter a perfect pale pink. I could only imagine her face when she'll have it in her hands.

The flight wasn't long, and soon Sawyer was already making our way to Escala. I quickly switched on my phone, and called Gail, to make sure that Christian is out. I'd love for him to find me home rather than entering and he'll still be there.

I kept staring at the window and the life was starting. Everybody going to work, or else returning from their night shift... I realized how lucky both Christian and I were to have flexible hours, and most of all a career that we are both the bosses of. We could do anything we wanted… and to think, we threw away our family for so long… I lost so much with both… and my damn addiction made the worst of me…

I saw children on their parent's hip. Quickly, and image of Sera on my hip was in my mind. Both Christian and I used to wake up early, and start the day like that. She would get tired already, and it was why I carried on my hip. She would take a nap while we drove her to school. She would sleep on my shoulder. Soon I realized. She was growing up so fast… I wondered how things was to be when Sera moved to College. She would forget us… and would rarely visit… damn… Christian is right… she's growing up so fast! Maybe he's right… we shouldn't let her drive for now… she's comfortable as she is… she'd end up independent and she wouldn't want us… damn… we're losing her… it's how it all starts… then she'll get a boyfriend… then we'll meet him… then they'll marry… than they'll have kids… and life would have just past us as a breeze…

'_Ana! Ana calm down!'_ I told myself… '_She's just 17…_' I continued.

Damn… I'm losing it… not her… Let's make the best time I have with her for now… and when that time comes, we both will do the hurdle.

'Anastasia, we are here.' Sawyer took me out of my thoughts, as he opened my door.

'Thank you Sawyer…' I smiled gently as he took my luggage and made our way to the elevator. He punched some codes and we were soon at the pent house. I made my way to the kitchen where Gail was already there, whereas Sawyer took my luggage into the living room.

'Welcome back Anastasia. How was your flight?' She asked sweetly.

'It was amazing…' I smiled. '…and thanks for keeping this between us.'

'I love surprises myself… why should I ruin this?' She asked. 'Do you want any breakfast?'

'I'll have some when Christian comes… we'll have breakfast with Sera… which reminds me… where is she?'

'Sera couldn't sleep and Christian stayed with her the whole night. She's in your room…' She replied. 'Christian said she didn't sleep until almost 5am… he wants to make an appointment with Dr. Fynn.'

'Good… I think it would be best for now… ' I replied as I placed my coat on the chair. 'I'll go visit her… do you need help with anything before Gail?'

'No… go to your daughter…' She smiled.

* * *

I entered our bedroom, and I found the room empty only for a running tap water. I knocked on the bathroom door gently, and a tiny 'damn' was heard.

'Sera… I'm coming in…' I called from outside. I knew she was having a problem in managing around with only one hand.

'Mum?' She asked gently as I walked in. It tore my heart out. There was still nothing of her, and the baggy clothes managed to hide everything.

'Hey baby…' I replied as I moved forward to her, while she tried hiding everything. 'Don't baby… there's nothing to be ashamed of…' I smiled as I tightened her broken arm with tap in a plastic bag.

'You're back?' She smiled.

'Yes honey… I missed you… and I thought on giving you guys a surprise…'

'You did it mum…' She smiled as I rubbed her back gently. 'I'm sorry I'm using your bathroom.'

'Hey… don't be… what's ours is yours… it's just a bathroom!' I smiled again. 'Is this ok?'

'I'm done…' She smiled as I handed her the towel.

'I'll give you some privacy. Call me if you need anything… I'm changing into something more comfortable. More than 10 minutes and I'm in… ok?'

'Yes mum…' She smiled back.

* * *

It wasn't long till she came out. I was already in my pj's and she was also in her new set. I had already prepared a movie which we both could watch together. We could have a day together.

'Hey baby!' I started as I patted the bed beside me, while she came gently beside me. 'Hey… what's wrong?'

'Nothing mum… it's just… I haven't seen you like this in ages!'

'I know… I'm weird right?' I joked.

'No… not weird! You're just amazing mum…' She smiled while I hugged her close to me. 'Oh, and I watched those botfly removal things.'

'Did you enjoy them?'

'A lot… you just have to go on with me with dad that it was nothing… you know how squeamish he can be… I had to keep changing web pages…'

'For a man he is squeamish… guess men aren't that tough.' I joked. 'Don't tell him I said that… He'll definitely do the tickle torture.' I continued as I pulled her to me and held her protectively from her shoulders. 'How are you feeling honey?'

'I'm okay…'

'Sera?' I asked her gently. 'I know you're not sleeping.'

'It's nothing mum… as I told dad yesterday… It's really nothing…'

'Honey, your father and I don't keep any secrets between us. There is no need in hiding it… I don't blame you!'

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I had just returned home, and as I went up to the living room, I realized that Ana's luggage was there. I heard voices from our bedroom coming, and made my way there. I realized that they were having a conversation. I didn't want to ruin the moment, so I remained outside listening…

* * *

'Mum… did you like guys… when you were younger?'

'Of course I did…' I smiled. 'There was this guy back in high school… he was really hot…'

'Hotter than dad?' She joked. 'Wait… you know what? I don't even want to know!'

'No baby! Your father is the only man that I'm attracted to…' I smiled. '…anyhow… this guy used to be the one mostly wanted… and well… as a teenage, I wanted to experience it too!'

'What happened then?'

'When we got together, grandpa Ray wanted to keep tabs on him… and well… he found him cheating… it didn't last long believe me…'

'What happened?'

'Let's just say that your grandfather took care of him… he never bothered me again, and I matured… I don't need guys like that to satisfy me… I'd rather be single that being in a relationship for just being in it.'

'What about with dad?'

'Your father is different honey… he's the most loving, selfless man I know!' I smiled. 'He could have left me when things got hard, and I was on drugs… but he didn't… he helped me through and here we are…'

'Mum… when… when you found Elena with dad… how… what… I mean what went through your mind?'

'I was angry… hurt…mostly hurt… I didn't want to stay… and I didn't want to leave you… I had to do what's best for you… In a marriage kids always come of priority… no matter what happens baby girl…' I explained. '…but that is what makes us strongest… when we work through everything.' I smiled.

'I admire you mum… I'd love to turn half the woman you are…'

'Baby… you and I share a lot together, and you don't need to be the woman I am… you are already a woman… you manage to teach your father and I many things… you taught us how to forgive and forget… you taught us how to love unconditionally… and I've always loved you baby girl…'

'…but mum… you used to get angry out of nothing… and at times I felt you pushing me away… even when dad spanked me… you remained there watching… only when I lost the fight you would come… and these last few months you slapped me a couple of times… You tried sticking up for me with dad to talk to me… but you never went against his word… why?'

'Honey… I'm very sorry for that… you don't know how sorry I am… I should have never hurt you in any way… I never knew what I was supposed to do when the spanking started. I always talked to your father that it shouldn't be the way of discipline… but it's the way he was taught… and I cannot go against his word… we are your parents and if one of us puts down someone, it may lead to trouble.' I explained. 'Sera… I need you to be honest with me… how did you feel when your father spanked you?'

'Mum…' She grumbled as she looked away from me.

'Honey… I need to know… I need to know what we did to you…' I encouraged. 'I know this is hard… but it's the only way… I see you flinch when we hug you from behind… I see you flinch when your father touches your arm without you noticing… please… talk to me…'

'It's just…' She started gently. '…I never felt it to be a form of discipline. It was more… of… dad never controlled himself… I remember he used to leave marks, and I had almost a week after one spanking to be able to sit properly again… I felt exposed… for me it wasn't punishment… it was anger… pure hate and anger… and I thought you wanted me to feel it… because you never did anything to stop it…' She replied as she brought her knees up to her chest.

'Is that why you stopped eating?'

'I don't remember how it all started… all I know is that I started enjoying the feeling of hunger… and when I didn't feel it because I was getting used to it, I started restricting more… I feel guilty if I eat…' She admitted gently.

'You still feel like it?' I asked while she looked at me. 'You said 'feel' Sera… it's in present tense…'

'…many times I do mum… and I don't know how to stop this feeling…'

'Baby girl… it will stop by time… and I'm so proud of you for wanting to get better…' I smiled as I hugged her tight to me. 'Baby, I want you to promise me one thing… I want you to promise me that whatever it is, you are going to come to us… no matter what… even if you think you'll hurt us…'

'Mum how did you feel in the family session?'

'Honestly… I felt it as a slap across my face over and over again. We've neglected you… both of us did… and we didn't realise anything… on grandma Grace's birthday, I felt that we've let you down… we've let you drown deep enough for the second time under our eyes.' I closed my eyes in pain as I brought the picture in front of my eyes. 'When you were in hospital… I felt so helpless… we couldn't do anything to ease your pain… and we still can't… we're hoping and holding on the hope that you will get better… that we won't lose the only person that truly love us…' I continued while I felt a crushing hug.

'Ohh mummy!' She replied as I hugged her back tightly.

'I love you baby girl… don't ever forget it!'

'I love you too mummy!' She said again as I felt a tear on my neck, while I saw Christian entering and joining us.

'I missed you baby…' He whispered in my ear as he kissed our daughter's head.

'I did too honey.' I smiled. 'Why don't you go get into some new pj's and we'll have a late morning?' I suggested.

'We can…' I smiled. 'It's not like I have a boss over me…'

'That's what I thought…' I smiled.

'…but at around 2pm, Sera has to meet Natalie…' He replied.

'I thought we agreed that you won't be hanging out with her…' I turned my gaze to her.

'Mum you told me to be there for here when she really needs me… and that's what am doing…'

'Ok…' I smiled. 'Now you Mr. Grey… go shower because you stink! Doesn't he Sera?'

'Mhmm…' She smiled.

'Oh… so you two are back to ganging up on me?' He smiled as we tickled her.

'Yes…' Both of us managed to get as she struggled from under our grip.

'Let's stop…' Christian said again. 'I'll soon be back…'

'Terminator!' Sera joked as she caught her breath.

'I thought you weren't going to watch it…' I replied

'Dad let me…' She smiled.

'Hey… that was supposed to be our little secret…'

'We have others dad! It's just a movie…' She smiled again.

* * *

_**PLEASE REVIEW**_


	97. Chapter 96

**Sera's POV**

I wasn't much paying attention to the movie. I was more happy and glad that finally we're a family again. Finally both managed to work through everything… and I feel happy… happy as I was back when I was younger. I felt on never wanting to leave my parents sides… just always be with them…

Mum got me a new pointe shoes. It was a perfect fit, and I couldn't wait on getting back to dancing. I missed it a lot… but both my parents thought it was better if for now I give it a rest and not stress myself. Dancing isn't stress! But who am I to change their minds? … I guess I only have to wait…

I looked towards the clock and realized that in few minutes I was to meet Natalie. I quickly closed my journal and hid it under the bed. Hopefully nobody would find it there, and in few minutes I was ready. I put on a pair of black leggings and a baby pink cashmere sweater. I looked towards the mirror… but I still was disappointed. Everybody says I'm so thin… and yet… I can't see that… it's frikkin frustrating. I decided to quickly fix my hair, and left it lying gracefully on my shoulder. Both my parents loved my long hair… and I think I inherited the love of hair from them. Mum had the most perfect hair colour, whereas dad, whatever the situation, he always had the perfect hair… both my mother and I were a tad jealous of that! He's a man! He shouldn't be running around with the perfect hair! Girls are supposed to be like that. '_Ok… maybe that is a bit sexist…'_ I thought to myself.

I made my way downstairs, and joined my parents for a second in the living room, before I headed out.

'Honey…' Mum stared. 'We need to upgrade your wardrobe…' she started.

'Mum… I like these…'

'Your mother is right Sera…' Dad added. 'It's been almost a year since you've went shopping… and Aunt Mia surely won't approve of those… they're last years…' He replied while both my mother and I remained staring at him. Now he's also an expert in clothes? 'What?' He asked

'Christian… you sounded like… a girl…' Mum replied.

'Hey… I happened to be very interested in girls stuff… since I'm surrounded by constant oestrogen here…' He joked.

'We can get a dog?' I suggested! 'I miss Bert…'

'Come here baby…' Mum smiled as she patted a seat beside her. 'You know that no dog will replace Bert… and you will never love him as much as you loved Bert…'

'You're right…' I replied. 'Can we at least get a hamster?'

'A hamster?' Dad asked astonished.

'Your father is afraid of rodents…' Mum commented.

'Dad it's not a rodent… it's a hamster…' I replied. 'We'll choose a brown one? And we'll name him Berry?' I suggested.

'Come on Christian… you'll love it…' Mum suggested. '…they are very cute and cuddly…' Mum helped. 'I love hamsters… my father and I used to breed them.'

'…well…' He started as he looked towards our hoping faces. 'Ok… fine… how can I say no to my favourite girls?'

'What do you say we'll go buy one after you come from Nat's?' Mum suggested.

'Mhmmm.' I replied excitedly.

'On one condition!' Dad stopped us.

'Anything dad…' I smiled.

'The rodent had to stay out of any room… even yours Sera…'

'Even mine?'

'Yes… We'll keep him in the kitchen… you two can play with it… but it will never… and I repeat… never enter any other room except the living room and kitchen.'

'Ok…' I smiled as my phone buzzed. 'Nat's waiting for me…' I said again as I got up and kissed them both. 'I'll soon be back…'

'Keep your phone on you at all times…' Dad instructed as he held my hand. '…and don't use the other arm. You've already removed the strap… The last thing you need is hurting your arm…'

'Don't worry dad…' I said again as my phone buzzed for the second time. 'I better go…'

'Call us if you need anything…' Mum called as I made my way out.

'Love you!' I called back.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

'Christian, I don't like this…' I started. I could feel it in my gut. There was something wrong.

'I don't either Ana… but the deal was the she can hang out with her when Nat needs her…'

'…we should have been a bit of bad cop…'

'More than we are Ana? We're already still pushing her to eat… the least thing she needs is not seeing her only friend…'

'…and you have another thing to worry about Christian…' I replied as I smiled as I saw his eyes look straight into mine.

'What is it?' He asked.

'Driving lessons Christian…' I spit out. 'If you are not going to teach her… I will…'

'Ana… she has a perfect driving system here…'

'Christian… she only wants to learn! Be grateful she asked you and not someone else!' I encouraged. 'What are you truly afraid of baby?' I asked him gently.

'Ana…' He started as Gail interrupted us for tea.

* * *

**Sera's POV**

The drive was quiet, only to the radio on. She was looking straight ahead, and the little conversation I started was to no success. She still kept crushing every conversation. I tried again for the fifth time… but I soon gave up. She didn't seem to want to talk. I decided to let it go. When she was comfortable enough, she would talk… after all that's what friends are for…

After 15 minutes of driving we arrived to the park. She parked her car, and we got out slowly, she guided me to the bench we used to sit in back when we were kids. We always loved our secret place… and it was secret for a reason, because nobody quite knew about it except us. Although we were still quiet, I decided to try and break the ice.

'What's wrong Nat? What did you want to talk about?' I asked her gently as I rubbed her shoulder. 'You know I'm here for you...' I encouraged.

'Here for me?' she smirked. 'Why? Are you going to tell your father too?' She mocked.

'What… what do you mean?' I asked her confused.

'You ass Sera!' she shouted while people from the bench across us looked towards us. 'I fucking trusted you Sera... I told you every secret and you go tell my father?'

'What... What are you talking about?' I asked her again.

'Don't play dumb with me asshole. I may be pregnant but I can take you and you won't live my wrought…' She said in spite.

'Calm down Nat…' I tried slowly, but she only went ballistic.

'You know what I'm talking about...and you wonder why your parents abandoned you Sera? You deserve it all you fucking bitch!' she shouted again as everybody stared at us.

'Natalie, don't shout...' I tried. 'People are looking at us…'

'Let them... I have nothing to hide... You deserve everything that happened to you Sera... Jason would have made a better person than you have!'

'Natalie...' I said in tears. 'What are you saying?'

'I regret trusting you Sera... I regret fucking being there for you and most of all... I regret that Leila didn't take your life instead of Jason's...' she retorted back as she glared at me.

'Natalie... Stop it...you have no right talking about my brother!' I glared back at her, trying to hold my tears back. My best friend wished that I was death instead of my brother. I stood up and walked away from her.

'Yes right... Do what best you can do Sera... Walk away! Aren't you such an expert on that?'

'Shut up Natalie...'I retorted back as I turned to face her. 'For your information I didn't say anything to Taylor… My father told him… second of all you were the one that lied bluntly and straight to your father… if he doesn't trust you it is all your fault! You cannot blame me…I told you to open up to him and to respect him Natalie… it is not my fucking fault…' I replied back as I turned away from her, but she soon caught up with me and turned me from my shoulder. All of a sudden I felt a blasting punch across my face, and her hand was there. I fell down with her collision, and soon I felt warm liquid coming down from my eyebrow and nose. I placed my hand up, and there it was... blood.

'You ruined my life Sera… because of you my father doesn't trust me…' She said in spite. 'We are no longer friends Sera... And you can forget my dad being there for you. I only have to beg him to stop working for your dad...' she replied. 'You took my independence. I'll take what truly belongs to me.' she added as she turned around and made her way.

'Nat!' I called her. 'Where are you going?' I replied as I stood up and stared towards her.

'Home alone…' She called back.

'What am, I going to do?' I asked her while everybody remained staring at us.

'Walk it home if you want... Isn't that what you're an expert on whale?' She called back with a sense of proudness in her.

* * *

Everybody was still staring at me, and old man came beside me and asked me if I needed any help. He guided me to their bench and handed me his handkerchief while his wife placed some ice cubes. She guided the cloth over my nose, and made sure that I keep my head back whilst the blood stopped.

I looked down at my shirt, and it was filled with spots of blood. '_How am I to hide this from my parents?' _I thought to myself, while the old woman continued talking.

'I don't understand kids todays! Back in my days if my father – God gives him Heaven's Glory – if lied to him he would have spanked the devil out of me, and for sure wouldn't have let me go out!' She started. 'How are you feeling dear?' She asked me gently while her husband returned with ice-creams.

'I feel better. Thank you…' I smiled weakly as I flinched under her wrinkled hands.

'My dear… your face is becoming swollen…' She noted yet again. 'Peter, hand me over another cube.' She told him. 'My legs these days aren't as useful as they used to be. Our children help us every day, but it's never enough, and we can't bother them. They have their own families now.'

'Here Catherine.' He replied as he handed her the cube. My phone started to vibrate, and I realized that it was dad. I quickly ended his call. I didn't want to face him now… He'll know something is wrong, and if he'll track my phone he'll know where I am…

'Dear, why don't you answer it. Your parents must be really worried about you.' She replied again, whilst Peter handed us the ice-cream.

'No… I don't want them to get worried… They'll go absolutely ballistic if they'll know.'

'Honey… they are your parents… They would want to know…' Peter continued as he sat beside me. 'If it were my kids, I would want to know…' He explained gently.

'I… I better get going…' I replied not wanting to take more of their time. They were so kind and helpful. I wish all people were all sweet like them… Their kids must be proud to have parents like that.

'Why don't you wait a little more dear?' Catherine suggested.

'I don't think my parents will appreciate it… and I've taken more than enough of your time.' I replied. 'Thank you for all your help…' I smiled. 'I'm sorry for the handkerchief…'

'I have plenty at home.' Peter smiled. 'Do you live far away?' He asked me. 'I can start my car, and drive you if you want…'

'No… no… there's no need…' I insisted. 'You should enjoy your day. My grandparents are always working. They're doctors, and I know how limited time can be.' I smiled.

'Here…' Peter said as he handed me a paper with 8 digits on it. 'Please, when you arrive home, do call us to tell us you are fine. I have a granddaughter your age. I don't want you to get hurt on the way. If my legs could take me, I would walk you or drive you if you want…'

'No… no… really it's fine…' I smiled as I took the piece of paper. 'I'll text you…'

'Don't text us. We still don't know how to read texts.' He replied. 'The only function I know on this damn technology that is ruling your generation is how to answer it.'

'Ok… I surely will…' I smiled. 'Thank you again.' I continued as I waved at them, and made my way home.

It was humiliating enough that she decided to confront me in front of everybody. I wanted the earth to just open and swallow me. She was the only best friend I had… the only sister I had, and she didn't want me anymore. Maybe she is right... I should be dead... Dad told me that I was doing the right thing telling Taylor... Guess it wasn't true... Maybe I should have kept everything to myself… Damn… She hates me… and I didn't get to ask her how she is…

Hey words kept running into my mind. I didn't want to hurt her. I only wanted to help her... But she is right...she trusted me and I betrayed her. What kind of person would do that? And will Taylor actually listen to her? I don't want him to leave! He's the only person I can open up without having neither of my parents hurt. I mean… we did promise to talk… but with Taylor I could say all the fears I had regarding them. He was there when no one was… he picked me up and mended me millionths of times, not to mention, he was the one that found me when I was raped. He was the one that prevented me from escaping. He was the one that confronted my parents when there was the need, and most of all he was the closest thing to a father I had when my own father didn't want to talk to me.

* * *

After almost half an hour of walking, I arrived home. I managed to make myself unnoticed from Sawyer as he was busy discussing things with Luke and Taylor. I managed to make my way up without anybody noticing me, but when I arrived to the living, there was no escaping it. Mum and dad were busy talking in the living room, and I couldn't pass them without them noticing me.

I tried making a run for it after a quick greeting, but dad stopped me immediately at the stairs.

'Wow… Aren't you going to greet your old man?' he asked me from behind.

'Sorry dad...' I chocked. 'Um... I'm a bit tired...' I continued as I tried suppressing my tears and climbed three more stairs.

'Wow...hold your horses...' he ordered as he was two steps away from me while I could see mum joining him at the end of the stairs from the corner of my eye. 'Turn around Sera...' he instructed.

'Dad...' I tried.

'Sera... Turn around...now please...' he ordered as he touched my shoulder lightly. I slowly turned facing him, and I saw his face changing shades.

'What the fuck?' he asked as took my chin and looked at my face, while my mother gasped. I flinched at his touch. It was painful. 'What the fuck happened?' he asked as he examined my face.

'It's nothing dad...' I tried, 'I fell…' I continued trying to keep everything quiet.

'Sera... Don't lie to me...'he said again as he dragged me down gently and back into the living room.

**Christian's POV**

Her face was brutally bruised, and her shirt was filled with bloodied spots. I could see Ana trying to gather some courage. Dried blood was under her nose, and her glasses were tainted. Purple bruises were already starting to form across her face, and it tore me apart. I saw Ana leaving the living room. '_Maybe she's squeamish…' _I thought to myself.

I guided her gently to the couch and removed her cracked glasses.

'We'll get new ones… These were getting old anyways…' I commented while Ana came back with a facecloth and some warm water.

'Christian… leave this to me…' She guided as she took the bloodied handkerchief Sera was holding, and a small paper fell from it. 'What's this?' She asked again.

'Um… two old people helped. They wanted to make sure that I arrived safely home… They asked me to call them when I arrive.'

'You walked alone?' I asked astonished. She knows she's not allowed to walk those amounts of distances at these hours. I could only imagine the worst to happen.

'Dad… stop worrying… I'm fine.'

'Yeah… I can see that…' I replied sarcastically as Ana handed me the paper. 'I'll call them now. Do you know their names?' I asked her gently.

'Peter and Catherine. They were very nice dad…' I replied making sure he knows that they weren't creepy or something. I know how much he doesn't trust strangers. He had fear of this.

'Ok…' I replied as I started dialling. 'Ana…'

'Go… I'll take it from here…' She smiled as she started aiding to our daughter while Grace bought some antiseptic.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I remained staring at my daughter. She was broken, and I could see it in her eyes. I only wanted to know what happened. I can only ask these people if they know something.

_'Hello?' A woman answered._

'Hi, I'm Christian. Sera's father…' I started. 'The girl you helped at the park.'

_'Oh yes dear… How is she?' She asked me._

'Well… bruised…' I replied as I passed my hands through my hair. 'I just wanted to let you know that she arrived.'

_'Thanks Heavens! We were so worried.' She replied._

'Could you please tell me what happened?' I asked back.

_'Let me get you my husband. He saw the whole thing Charlie…'_

'Thanks…' I smiled. She was old I realized that… but she seemed sweet.

_'Hello Charlie?' A male voice started._

'Hi… I'm Christian…'

_'It's Christian not Charlie Catherine!' I heard him say. 'Sorry I forgot…' She replied. 'Hi, I'm Peter…' He continued this time to me. 'Did Sera arrive safely?'_

'Yes she did… Please, I was wondering, could you tell me what happened?'

_'Didn't she tell you?'_

'She doesn't like to talk…' I replied as I looked at my daughter's broken form.

_'Well, her friend… at least I suppose she was, had a fight about some secret… she told her that she shouldn't have trusted her… I didn't know what exactly was being said… but when your kid walked away, the other girl turned her and punched her…'_

'…by any chance… is this girl tall, medium length hair, and looks few months pregnant?'

_'Yes… that's the girl…' He replied while I felt anger building up. How dare she touches my daughter, and most of all hurt her… Sera was looking out for her, and yet she beat up my daughter. 'Christian?' He asked again._

'Yeah…' I replied. 'Do you remember anything else?'

_'I didn't quite hear everything… I didn't want to eavesdrop, but from what I could hear, the other girl wished for Sera to be dead instead of some Jason…' He continued while I felt bile rising up in my throat. '… and then she walked away… she left your kid alone… her words were 'Walk it home if you want... Isn't that what you're an expert on whale?'…' He finished._

'Are you sure she said that?' I asked astonished. She knew about her eating disorder… she knew that this could be the death of her… and yet she still calls her that?

_'Christian I can assure you that although my legs aren't as functional as they used to be, my ears are still hundred percent…'_

'I'm sorry… I didn't mean to offend you…' I apologized immediately. 'It's just that Natalie knows some stuff and she knows she shouldn't tell my daughter those words.' I reasoned.

_'Christian, you are a young father I assume. Kids of today's generation are definitely not like your parents.'_

'Not my daughter… she wouldn't hurt a mosquito!'

_'She's kind…' He replied giving me a sense that he was smiling._

'I can't thank you enough for what you did with my daughter…' I replied. 'Is there any way I can repay you?'

_'Just take care of her, and maybe ask her to call us when she can. She's a nice girl. We'd love to see her again.' He smiled._

'Sure… I'll let her know that…' I replied. 'Thanks again Peter, and please thank your wife for me as well…'

_'You're welcome fellow lad…' He replied before hanging up. _

* * *

I placed my phone on the counter and kept looking at my wife trying to clean her face gently. How could Natalie do this? She knows this would crush Sera... I can't believe it... One thing was for sure... this wasn't going to end here... who hurts my daughter has to see it with me!

I grabbed my phone and quickly called Taylor

_'Hello?' He started._

'Taylor, I want you up here right now... Your daughter is in huge trouble.' I replied sternly.

'_What happened?' he asked clearly confused._

'Come up here and you'll know...' I replied as I hung up and got my crap together before I moved towards my baby...

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_**PLEASE REVIEW**_


	98. Chapter 97

This is dedicated to JulesTaylor :)

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I kept rubbing her back gently. She was so tense underneath my arms, and although both Ana and I tried comforting her and talking to her, she still remained quiet. She kept nodding… and I realized that her mind was somewhere else… rather than anything we were telling her… She kept flinching away from Ana's touch. She tried being gentle… but it was never enough… Her nose was still bleeding, and we both were getting concerned. It's been almost half an hour then.

'Christian, I think you'd better call Grace or Carrick…' She told me as I held my daughter's pale form before she crumbled under my arms, whilst Ana went to bring another facecloth to try and help her get cleaned.

'Baby…' I called her gently. She was exhausted and her eyes were closing on me.

'Mhmm…' She replied.

'Are you tired?' I asked her gently while she nodded in agreement. 'Peanut, I know you are tired, but you have to stay awake… ok?' I asked her again while she nodded again.

'I have an iron taste…' She commented as she coughed up again and little blood cloths were coming up on the tissue I handed her. I realized that the nose bleed was a little more serious than we thought. At that moment Taylor entered the room.

'Christian…' He started as he stopped in his tracks as he took in my daughter's form while I sternly stared at him. '…what happened?' He asked confused as he moved forward and took in her face.

'Your daughter attacked my daughter.' I replied with no emotion, while his face lost every colour. I thought he was about to collapse, if he didn't sit on coffee table. 'You obviously didn't know about this?' I asked surprised.

'I didn't know they were to meet!' He replied again as he grabbed a new tissue while Ana joined us with some more clean water and a new facecloth. He placed the tissue under her nose gently and squeezed a little bit above her nostril. 'I used to suffer from a lot of nose bleeds… Put your head a little forward…' He ordered gently while she obliged. 'Can you hold it?' He asked her again while she replied a barely audible 'yes…'

'Ana…'

'Go…' She replied as Gail joined us. 'We'll take it from here…' She smiled weakly. I could see that she was holding her tears inside. 'Don't forget to call Grace…'

'I won't…' I replied as I made my way to my study with Taylor on my tail.

* * *

'What happened?' He asked again.

'What happened is that your daughter thinks that she can use people as she likes Taylor… My daughter only had the best interest for her… and she confronts her and beats her up in the park…' I replied sternly. I felt anger and hate towards Natalie like never before. She was never like this. What had gotten into her?

'Are you sure Christian?' He asked again not quite believing.

'Taylor there is a park full of witnesses, and two old people helped Sera… you can call them now if you don't believe me.'

'Do you know what was said…' He started while I cut him off.

'Yeah… Natalie didn't quite keep the conversation to the two of them… she wanted to let everybody know… you talked to her already about the chemistry camp?' I asked him.

'Yes… and we had some disputes…'

'Well… she took it against my daughter because you don't trust her… she told her that she deserved to die instead of Jason, and not to mention the blow she gave her…' I added.

'What?' He asked astonished.

'She left her in the park alone and called her a whale Taylor…' I replied sternly again. 'Taylor I am not going to stand for these… this is practically bullying… I respect your daughter… but I have to look after mine…'

'Natalie said that?' He asked himself more than me.

'Yes she did… and if you don't believe me, you have the witnesses.' I replied again. 'Taylor, get her under control, or else I will ruin her…'

'Wow… hold your horses Christian… I know my daughter isn't perfect… but ruin her?' He replied sternly back.

'Taylor if by what she said, will make Sera relapse or suicidal again, I will make her pay… She's not taking my daughter away from me…' I replied again. 'I respect you and you have all my support, but what your daughter did is unacceptable…'

'…but Ruin her Christian?'

'Oh yeah…' I threatened. 'She won't be able to find neither a job or a school that will accept her… she already thrown her education away, and now she's sabotaging my daughter's recovery…'

'Christian please… at least for me!' He begged. 'Whatever she did wrong, I'm sure we can fix it…'

'Fix it?' I replied as I moved closer to him. 'Have you seen in what state my kid is?' I confronted. 'Taylor… get her under control and we'll see…' I ordered as I left my study.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

Fuck… She's barking up the wrong tree. What has she done! She's messing up with the wrong people… and Christian does keep his word. I squeezed the steering wheel under my arms. I was so angry at what she did… how could she? Not only this may cost me my job… but she just ruined Sera… I couldn't forget her bruised face. She was returning to the closed person she was… and this time it would all be because of my fucking daughter's stupidity.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

'Mr. Grey…' Sawyer grabbed my attention as he entered the living room.

'Yes…' I replied back.

'I… I have this addressed you Sera… It's unregistered…' He replied back as he held the envelope forward in his hands.

'Did you scan it?' I replied as I took it in.

'Yes… the results show it's Silver…' He replied back while I saw Sera's eyes fill with tears.

**Sera's POV**

I recognised the handwriting. It was Natalie's… and there was something silver in it. I could only assume what it was. There was no second guessing. I didn't want to face it… and most of all, I didn't want any questions… I stopped mum from aiding to my face and grabbed the face cloth.

'It's fine…' I replied, as I flinched from her touch. 'I'll do it on my own…' I replied again as I took the facecloth and made my way to the bathroom. I was tired of the constant stares and worried looks. I was tired of the visual talk… I knew they weren't going to let this stop here… but I didn't want to deal with it.

I shut the bathroom door and locked it. I didn't want anyone to come in there, and most of all nobody to tell me what to do. I quickly grabbed the plastic back and wrapped it tightly around my cast, and started the faucet. Warm water was running, I grabbed a some water in both of my hands and splashed it over my face. It was warm and nice. I was finally feeling a bit better. I rubbed it gently and when I saw that most of the dried blood was removed, I grabbed a dry towel and fixed everything to the best I could.

I realized that I had a week without any glasses for sure. I grabbed my contacts from the cabinet and tried putting them on with my left arm. It was harder like that and I was getting annoyed with every trial and error, but after a few trials, I managed to both put them on.

I took off my shirt and placed it in the laundry basket… I didn't want to go out of there as yet, so I lay down on the cold hard floor, staring at the ceiling, maybe something will fall over my head…

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I kept staring at the envelope in my hand. She knew what it was about, and didn't want to deal with it. We had just moved 10 steps forward… and we're back 8 or 9…

'Are you going to open it?' Ana asked as I kept rethinking.

'Yes…' I replied. 'I'm afraid of what I'm to find in here…' I added.

'Just do it Christian…' She replied again. 'This obviously shook her…' She added while I opened it and two pieces of what seemed to be a bracelet fell in my hand. I placed them together and it read 'Meine Seele Schwester – My Soul Sister'. There was also a small paper. I opened it and it read, '…because you deserve it… we are no longer friends…'

I felt bile rising again in my throat. How could she do this? I'm glad Sera didn't read this. I handed the stuff to Ana. I needed to let off steam and not let anger get the best of me. I could see she wasn't pleased with what happened either…

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

'Natalie!' I shouted from the door as Lisa came beside me.

'Shhh…. She's resting Jason…' She tried. 'She's been very tired these days…'

'Yeah… but not tired enough to beat up Sera!' I replied as I made my way to her room. 'Natalie get your ass up right now!' I shouted again in anger.

'Dad… I was sleeping…' She grumbled.

'I don't fucking care!' I replied again.

'Jason, would you mind telling me what happened?' Lisa interjected.

'What happened? You don't know?' I asked astonished. 'Our lovely daughter…' I started sarcastically. '…decided to blame her mistake and our mistrust in her on Sera… She beat her up to a pulp Lisa.'

'You did what Natalie?'

'I only punched her!' She replied. 'She was messing around it's not my fault!'

'It's not your fault Natalie? Her face is purple and blue! Her nose hasn't stopped bleeding. She has a burst lip not to mention that she's very dizzy!' I added. '…and why the fuck would you tell her that she should be dead instead of Jason!'

'Natalie… is this true?' Lisa asked getting on her nerves.

'No mum…' She lied.

'Oh… so now you're lying! You do realise that there are witnesses right? They told Christian.'

'Oh Jesus help us!' Lisa said as she took a seat. She knows as much as I do that Christian is a man of his word and he won't think twice to payback.

'That was a low blow Natalie! Even for you! The girl was trying to look up for you and for your information Christian told me about your sneaking to that fucking hotel which probably got you pregnant!'

'She still told Grey senior dad! If she hadn't had such a big mouth none of this would have happened.'

'Could you honestly be this stupid Natalie? I didn't raise you like this and neither your mother has Natalie! You're in this situation because of your fucking stupidity! She didn't tell you sleep with that fucker let alone us! We always taught you right! Where the fuck did we go wrong with you Natalie?' I confronted.

'Stop shouting dad!'

'Young lady, you may be pregnant but I'm still your father and you're still a child! This is my house, my home and it's your mother's and my rules!' I said again. 'Do you realise at the trouble you are getting me into? And you too for the matter? Do you realise that you may cost me my job?'

'He can't fire you dad!'

'Of course he can! I work for him…just because I'm close to them doesn't mean he can't fire me! And for the latter, if Sera relapses you are the one to blame!'

'Why am I the one to blame? IF she doesn't eat it is her problem not mine!'

'Fuck Natalie!' I shouted again as I felt my temper rising. 'You called her a fucking whale! You wished for her to be dead for God's sake!'

'You did what Natalie?' Lisa asked astonished.

'She's tough she can take it!'

'Well for your information she's a human if you haven't realized that Natalie!' I confronted again.

'What did Christian tell you?' Lisa asked.

'That this will not end here…' I replied. 'Natalie… you are going to fix this…'

'What do you mean?'

'You are going to apologize and go on your knees if you have to do in front of Christian and Ana…'

'Hell no dad… she betrayed me and there is no way I'm falling for that fucker!'

'Natalie mind your language!'

'That's… stop it… both of you…' Lisa interjected. 'Jason as much as I'm agreeing with you, we both have to realise that Natalie is not alone… she's carrying another person in her, and I don't want her to miscarry with stress…'

'You're right...' I replied. '…but this isn't going to end here…' I finished as I exited her room and left the two girls alone.

**Lisa's POV**

'Mum…'

'Shut up Natalie… I stopped this because you're pregnant… nothing more nothing less… I didn't expect this from you! She was there for you always… and you hurt her?' I asked. 'Natalie… you have to figure this out… your father and I won't stick up for you… you fucked up… you fix it…' I finished as I joined Taylor in the living room.

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_**PLEASE REVIEW**_


	99. Chapter 98

To all those that wanted some more drama

* * *

**Author's Note** - A friend of mine asked me to write this chapter in awareness of his younger sister. Cyberbullying and bullying in general from her best friend ruined her life to the point of his sister overdosed and wanting to kill herself.

Quoting AJ's in his speech of awareness:

"Please, let's join in together to end this cycle of bullying. It is ruining our lives and the ones around us. Please let's make this step together towards a better life, because at the end of the day, everybody needs everyone. I regret saying that my younger sister had been a victim of this unfortunate experience, but I've taken a step further in her name and decided to raise awareness for helpless kids like her. Please, if you do see someone that is being bullied, or abused emotionally and physically, don't remain quiet, because when things get out, it may be too late... like it was for my sister. Thank God, she made it through, and she's back to her old self, but the bullying left damaging scars... both physical and emotional. If it was you, would want people to help you,? So please, help those in need. Thank you for listening."

I hope that AJ's words won't fall on deaf ears...

**Disclaimer** – All names used in the Facebook conversations **ARE FAKE! NONE ARE TRUE!** And the comments** ARE ADAPTED TO THE STORY**. I'm emphasising this to

1) Keep the names of her bullies unidentified - aka** PRIVACY**

2) Make it in continuous with the story

3) Making sure that **NOBODY GETS THE WRONG REASONS THAT THIS COVERSATION IS TRUE! THIS IS PURELY THE CREATION OF AJ AND I.**

I hope you enjoy this chapter. This is a collaboration of AJ and I. I hope you like it and **PLEASE REVIEW.**

* * *

**Ana's POV**

I took in the belongings, and I myself was astonished with what I saw. How could she do this? I grabbed the paper and scrapped the piece of paper. I could see why Christian was acting like that. He was pissed off as much as I was… and probably more. He always had anger issues.

I moved towards him where he was already having some bourbon. It always calmed him down. He used to spend hours with something in his hands… even not drinking it… but it made him think. I moved from behind him and hugged him from behind and inhaled his manly scent. It always drove me crazy… but it calmed me.

'Christian…' I started gently while he turned his gaze towards me. 'Are you ok?'

'I'm pissed Ana…' He replied again as he took a sip from his bourbon and placed it back on the liquor table and turned facing me. He nuzzled his nose into my hair, and inhaled deeply. That also calmed him. He kissed my forehead gently with affection and kept holding me tight into his embrace. 'My mother is coming in half an hour…' He said again.

'Good…' I replied again, as it hit me. She had taken long in the bathroom. I was already thinking the worst. We had been so lost in the envelope's contents and our feelings that we forgot that she even was there. 'Christian… Sera's taking long…' I expressed my concern as his phone started buzzing. 'Take it… I'll go check on her…' I replied as he grabbed his blackberry and replied with a stern 'Grey.'

* * *

I knocked gently on the door hoping to at least hear something from the bathroom, but there was nothing… no sound of anything. I called her again hoping to receive a response, but it was to no avail.

'Sera!' I called again as I tried opening the door and it was locked from the inside. 'Sera, open this door!' I called again as I tried again. 'Christian…' I called him as I struggled with the door again hoping it will flee open.

'What is it?' He asked concerned.

'She locked herself in and isn't responding…' I replied again as this time we both tried.

'Sera…' He called again as he tried opening the door. 'Sera are you in there?' He asked again. 'Dammit…' He continued as he started hitting the door. He gave another hit, and finally the lock gave out.

**Christian's POV**

I could feel it in my bones. Something had happened… she wasn't answering. There was only one thing left to do. I hit the door multiple times until I broke in, but I wasn't prepared for what we were to find.

'Shit!' I said as I saw her pale body lying in the bath tub. 'Ana call an ambulance…' I ordered. Her left wrist was slit, and beside here were two bottles of Tylenol empty. Ana quickly called the ambulance. 'Sera…' I called again as I tried getting her into consciousness. 'How many pills have you taken?'

'Christian they were new bottles!' Ana cried. I realized that she had just overdosed, and wanted to make sure that she'd end her life. I opened her mouth, and while I held her from her back with one arm, I trusted my fingers into her throat. I wanted to try and get rid of the pills… she started vomiting while Ana tied a towel to her left arm. 'Sera… open your mouth…' I instructed as I did it over again, but her body was becoming limper by the second.

Ana realised that there was a photo on her phone. She grabbed it and started browsing… 'Christian…' She replied in utter shock as she showed me the picture and certain comments.

'Ana, get that out of my face before I smash it in half!' I replied in anger. 'Sera… what have you done!'

'Christian…' Gail said as she entered with Sawyer and two paramedics.

'Sir… we need you to move back…' One of them asked instructed as Sawyer held me back. They moved her from the tub to a stretcher and started working on her immediately. My parents were soon there.

This was triggered by something. We both were so helpless as we watched them work on her and take her away from us. She was doing so much better, and now… I felt the whole world crumbling before my eyes… she was dead from the inside… until they took her away and we both were behind them whilst my parents took the ambulance with her.

* * *

'Christian, Ana… We're pumping her stomach. She had an enormously amount of Tylenol… right now without constant oxygen… she may die… we had to put her on the tube again… There is no brain damage and lasting effects… but we may be looking…' Mum stopped.

'Christian… we may need to put her on the list for a new liver…'

'What do you mean?' I asked confused.

'Christian… her liver is failing…' Dad replied again while I walked away.

'I don't understand dad! She was doing so well!' I replied. 'What triggered this?'

'Christian…' Ana came forward with Sera's phone. '… I … I think I know…' She replied as he handed it to me. I went through the pictures and was disgusted with what was on there. There were clearly edited pictures of my daughter with a naked body. I read the comments and they were all mocking… all hurtful… all… I felt bile into my throat. I moved to the nearby bin and emptied my stomach contents into it.

'Ana… what is it?' My mother asked as she took the phone from my hand and shown her everything.

**Grace's POV**

'Oh dear Lord…' I said in astonishment. 'Look at this Carrick…' I continued as I showed him the posts.

Jason Miller 14.35- _you deserve to die bitch_

_Brad Cornwell 14.36- ohhh my what I would do to that body!_

_Martha Campbell 14.44 - and this is the billionaire's daughter? What a joke of person! *Die bitch!*_

_Router 15.00 - maybe that's why she's missing school! Because she's busy doing guys around. She didn't do me as yet. I want that ass :D_

'Ana!' Carrick replied astonished as he also viewed everything. 'Do you… Who posted these pictures?' He asked her while I moved towards the window and looked towards my granddaughter.

'Yes…' She replied.

**Christian's POV**

'Who Ana…' I asked sternly.

'I asked Sawyer to track it down…' She replied as she sat down. 'It was Natalie Christian… Natalie did this…' She admitted in tears. 'Why the hell is she doing this? When all Sera did was help her!'

I didn't feel anything… just anger and hate. She ruined my daughter. This was the last straw. While she's at home, my daughter is fighting for her life… or worse… she's trying to end it.

'Christian…' My mother brought me out of my deep thoughts. 'I called John…'

'When is he coming?' I asked her as I brought out my blackberry and dialled Taylor.

'He should be down in few minutes…' She replied again.

'Ok…' I replied as I moved away from them as Taylor picked up.

* * *

'_Hello Christian…'_

'Hello my ass Taylor…' I started. 'I told you to get your daughter under control. It's my turn now…'

'_What do you mean Christian?'_

'Taylor, Sera's in the hospital… she overdosed and cut herself.' I replied as I closed my eyes in pain.

'_What does…' He started before I cut him off._

'Natalie posted edited pictures of my daughter's face with a naked body. She's mocked all over Taylor…'

'_Wait a second Christian… I know my daughter made a mistake but surely not…'_

'Sawyer tracked the IP address down Taylor… it came from your house…' I replied back.

'_What?'_ _He asked clearly confused._

'Taylor, I told you I will make her pay… You'll be hearing from my lawyers… and this won't end well…' I replied sternly before I hung up.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

'What is it Taylor?' Lisa asked me as I smashed my phone.

'Natalie!' I shouted in anger, as I moved to her room and saw her surfing on her laptop. 'What the fuck did you just do?' I shouted again.

'Dad… don't you knock?' She asked as she tried closing her laptop.

'Oh… don't you dare go there with me young lady!' I continued as I grabbed the laptop from her hand and took a look at what she was doing. I realized that what Christian told me was all true. She was the one posting things online. Lisa was beside me and she started reading the things as I did.

'Oh my…' She asked confused. 'Natalie! What did you do?'

'Natalie, is this why we gave you a laptop?' I asked her quietly. 'To post this shit?'

'Dad…'

'Natalie, Sera saw those! She overdosed! She's at the hospital.'

'What?' She asked clearly scared.

'Sera's dying you …' I stopped in my tracks before I said something I regretted.

'…but… this was only a joke!' She replied again trying to find a reason.

'What did you just say?' I asked in anger. '…you call this a fucking joke Natalie? You ruined someone's life!' I continued as I smashed the laptop to the wall '…Christian tracked you down Natalie! He knows it was you Natalie!'

'What?' Lisa asked.

'Do you realise in how much trouble you've put all of us? Do you realise that he's taking us to court for what you did?'

'He can't… dad… please tell me that he can't…' She replied in tears.

'He can and he will Natalie! You ruined her life! Do you realise that? She's the daughter of Grey Enterprises, and you posted that! Do you realise that this will be on the news? Do you realise that this will haunt her down?'

'…but…'

'No buts Natalie…' I replied. 'I don't know what to do with you! First you beat her, and now this? That's a double low blow Natalie!'

'…but I didn't mean for this to get this far dad…'

'Well it got… ones you post something over the internet, it will always remain there!'

'Dad, is she going to live?' She asked scared as she moved forward. 'She can't die… she can't die…' She said again in tears more to herself that me.

'Natalie… I don't know… It's no use crying… and I don't believe any damned tear you are shedding… you obviously didn't think twice when you posted those!'

'Dad she can't die! I need her…'

'I'm sorry Natalie… you should have thought about that before you ruined her life…' I replied as I left her room.

'Dad… where are you going?' She asked as she caught up to me.

'To see the damage you've done…'

'Daddy I'm sorry…'

'You don't have to say it to me Natalie… You have to say it to the one you hurt… and maybe then she'll forgive you…'

* * *

**John's POV**

I was shocked with everything. She was such a strong person… but this… this was her limit… this took it all on her… I kept reading every post… every comment… They were all provocative… all hurtful. They were best of friends… attached to the hip… How could she do this? IF they had a dispute, they should have solved it not done this… I looked towards the window and saw Grace taking her parameters. She kept staring at the ceiling, and I could see tears forming. She tried drying them immediately…

'Christian… you have to talk to the authorities about this…' I suggested as I handed them the phone back.

'Already ahead of you John…' He replied back. I could see both of them worried and broken.

'You should change her number… stay away from social networking sites… and I'd suggest to even close her Facebook account. At least for now…'

'I can't forget the scene…' Ana replied as she held to Christian for support. 'This morning she was… motivated… happy… I could see her old self back… and now…' She continued, but Grace stopped her.

'John…' She started. '…I'm sorry it was such a short notice…'

'It's fine mum…' I replied gently. 'How is she?'

'…physically? Not good at all… Emotionally? She's a wreck…' She replied as she stared behind Christian. I realized Taylor had just arrived.

'Hi…' He started not knowing what to say, while Christian moved away from him. I realized his anger issues weren't quite subsiding. I could understand why. If it were my kids, I would probably do the same. 'How is she?'

'You're asking us how she is?' Christian confronted. 'There… look at her Taylor! That is what your daughter did to mine!'

'Will she make it through?' He asked again as he moved towards the window.

'There is a probability that she will… but… she may need a new liver…' Grace replied. 'Come with me... let's discuss things privately, while John talks to her…' She suggested as she moved towards the conference room.

I remained outside the window observing her. She grabbed the set from above her head and started typing something on the monitor.

**Sera's POV**

I logged in into my account, and new photos were up since the last time I was on. Comments never stopped and the pictures were getting likes like never before. I started reading the comments.

_Clint Grasgow 15.35 – OMG what boobs!_

_Martha Fox 15.38 – They're fake! She has money with which to do it._

_Jennifer Houdini 15.40 – Oh great! Another spoiled brat around us! That is what we need in school!_

_Margaret Fisher 15.45 – That was funny Martha! She hasn't come to school in ages! Guess we know why now… I'm sure Grey Enterprises is proud with this._

_Charles Trent 15.46 - …and still this isn't on the news? :O :p_

_Natalie Taylor 15.49 – She's home-schooled now! And guess what? The tutor is a male! *wink wink*_

_Jennifer Houdini 15.52 – I wonder what he's teaching her._

_Natalie Taylor 15.53 – Or better yet, who is teaching who? :p_

**John's POV**

I could see tears forming in her eyes. I decided it was enough. She wasn't going to stop reading and viewing things unless someone else did. I entered the room and she barely noticed I was there. I decided to intervene immediately.

'You think it's wise to view those?' I started as I moved forward towards her.

'I'm a joke…' She replied. '…look at this… '_I'm sure daddy's little girl can get anything she wants…' _ohh and look at this response. '_Daddy's little girl is not daddy's girl anymore… she's a whore…'_ and you know who said this?'

'Who?'

'My so called best friend… and to think… I trusted her…' She cried silently, while scratching her fingers.

'Ohh and see this John… '_I can't believe it's not on the news as yet…'_

'Sera… stop…' I instructed gently.

'…and this is my absolutely favourite…the other one responded. _'…it already is… the girl tried committing suicide… yeah more attention biatch!_ _…and I voted her for school president? W.R.O.N.G!'_

'Sera… stop…' I told her gently as I removed the monitor from her face. I took both her hands into mine and squeezed them gently.

'How am I going to face everyone? How am I going to walk around without anybody commenting on anything?'

'Sera… do you believe any word they are saying?' I asked her gently while she remained quiet. 'You believe it, don't you?' I asked her confused. 'Sera, you know you are not the person they are drawing.'

'…but everybody is buying it John! Probably my parents are ashamed on coming here… I don't blame them if they leave…'

'Sera… they're requiting lawyers… they're fighting for you…'

'Yeah… no use now… it will all end… one way or another…'

'What do you mean?' I asked concerned. I sensed she was talking about suicide.

'Nothing…' she replied as she looked away from me.

'Sera…' I said as I took her chin and made her look towards me. '…I am not… and I repeat… I am not allowing you to kill yourself… neither your parents or anyone for the matter…'

'Yeah… it's not what everybody is saying…'

'Sera… you have your parents on your side… your grandparents are too, and I am too alongside with my family… even Taylor for the matter of fact! He's here…'

'John you don't understand… the damage is already done… the pictures are out there, and most probably by tomorrow they'll be a front cover on the news! Headlines 'THE DAUGHTER OF CEO GREY ENTERPRISES – A STIPPER…' or worse '…A PROSTITUTE…' she replied. 'I'm already a joke all around school…' She replied. 'Now I know why everybody hates me… and maybe they're right… because now… I hate me too… and now… I don't see the reason for trying… talking… living…'

'Sera…' I tried calming her. She was deeply depressed and suicidal.

'I guess I'm done…' She continued as she looked straight into my eyes. I realized she was serious about this. She grabbed the tube that was in her nose and pulled it out in an instant. I didn't manage to foresee this before she did it. Blood spattered all over, and when I got back into my senses, the monitor was already showing irregular heartbeat. She was gasping for air, but there was no fear over her face. I quickly punched the emergency button and the monitor flat lined.

'No… no… Sera… Don't do this to me!' I said as I started compressions while the doctors and nurses took over. I saw Grace and Carrick along with Christian, Ana and Taylor on their tail.

'What happened?' Carrick asked as he took her parameters.

'She was reading some posts… she just told me that it's over… she pulled the tube out… it all happened in an instant…' I said as I moved backwards. Behind the window there was Ana and Christian broken. Ana was hysterically crying… she banged against the window while they tried to revive her. Christian was no less. He tried holding Ana… but he was shattered himself. Only hope was left.

* * *

_**PLEASE REVIEW**_


	100. Chapter 99

I'm very sorry for not updating yesterday, but was in an accident. I promise I will continue updating :)... Hope you'll like this new chapter, and please _**REVIEW!**_ :D :D

* * *

**Christian's POV**

'Carrick… when will she wake up?' Ana asked.

'We had to sedate her Ana… but this…'

'Dad?' I asked, sensing some insistence in his voice.

'Christian…' He started. 'She's in a coma… she can hear us… but she can't wake up… Christian… it seems that she doesn't want to wake up… she wants to remain where she is…'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

_It was so peaceful. Nothing weighing me down. I felt lighter... Like there is no tomorrow. I felt myself smiling and inhaled deeply. The clear cool air brought shivers down my spine. I wondered where I was... I wanted to open my eyes, but I was afraid of what I was to find. I wanted to just remain there... In peace. However, a tiny voice took me completely by surprise. I opened my eyes slowly, and bright light blinded my eyes. _

_'Don't be afraid...' A little girl said again as she took my hand gently. She was so sweet. She was wearing a white dress under knee length. It had a bow around her waist and blue butterflies were over it. It was a white chiffon dress. It looked quite familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. Her hair was perfectly fixed. It was long light brown and large curls where resting nicely over her shoulder. A nice thin band was holding her fringe in place. She couldn't be more than 6 or 7 years old._

_'Where are we?' I asked her gently as she pulled me towards the swings that were tied to the branches of the tree._

_'You know where you are...' she replied as we stopped at the tree. I looked forward, and Jason was there. I smiled. There was someone that I knew... Someone that I loved..._

_I ran towards him, while he caught me with open arms. He lifted me off and hugged me tight to him._

_'Jason! You're here...' I said as I let him comfort me._

_'I told you I won't ever leave you alone…' he replied as he put me down and started walking towards the tree where the little girl was. 'Sera… why are you here?' He asked me gently._

'_What do you mean?' I asked him again as I sat on another swing and started swaying lightly, while Jason pushed the little girl higher and higher._

'_Cookie, look where you are…'_

'_Am I dead?' I asked him._

'_Only if you want too… you can fight… but you can give up…' He replied back as he came beside me and held me from my shoulders. 'What are you escaping from?'_

'_I'm not escaping…' I replied. 'I only want to end it all…' I admitted sadly. _

'_Don't you think you're being too hard on yourself cookie?'_

'_She was right…'_

'_Who?'_

'_Natalie… I shouldn't have talked about anything… I deserve it…' I admitted as I looked down._

'_Cookie… why do you believe it?'_

'_Jason… why are you asking this?'_

'…_because, you know that I'm not real… you know I'm in your mind… Deep down in your heart you know you don't have any fault… and yet you blame yourself…' He said again. '…Cookie, listen…'_

'_To what?'_

'_Listen to what mum and dad are saying…' He said again. 'Close your eyes… and listen…' He smiled as he moved forward and held me from my shoulders._

* * *

'_Baby… please… wake up…' Mum chocked. '…remember when we talked about London? We already made the plans… I want you to be with us when we'll go there… I need you baby girl…'_

* * *

'_Mum and dad love you Cookie…' He said again as I opened my eyes._

'…_but I don't want to leave here…' I replied as I held to his hand. _

'_Cookie… you cannot stay here forever… here is no life… Sera, I am only your suppressed memories…' He replied as the little girl came to him pulling on his free hand._

'_Jason…' She started as she pulled him. 'Come to the swings! Come to the swings!'_

'_Who is she?' I asked him as we moved to the swings and he lifted her off and put her on the swings._

'_You don't recognise her Cookie?' He asked surprised._

'_No…' I replied as I moved in front of her and looked gently into her eyes. 'What's your name?' I smiled._

'_I have many names… and they are all cute…'_

'_Really?' I smiled as she jumped off the swing and came to hug me tight. _

'_Daddy always told me that hugs are the best thing you can give, because nothing is more important than…'_

'…_love…' I ended her sentence as she let go of the embrace._

'_Do you recognise her now?' Jason replied as he rested against the tree with his arms crossed._

_I moved few paces away, almost afraid of what she is… I knew it wasn't normal. I looked towards her, and she started changing. From a 6 year old, her face and body started to grow… I moved backwards. She got taller and her face was becoming more familiar, until it hit the growth spurt, and two clear hazel eyes were staring back at me. We were wearing the same white dress… same hair… she was mirroring my every move…_

'_What does this mean?' I asked Jason almost scared of the response_

'_Sera… what do kids represent?'_

'…_Childhood… Innocence…' I replied as I moved forward to the other person that seemed me._

'_Exactly… Sera… that is how you feel… inside you are still a child… but your childhood is here… because it's suppressed… and dead…' He replied again as he moved forward and touched the shoulder of the other girl. She turned into dust, and the wind took it away with it. I was amazed with everything that was happening. 'Sera… you cannot stay here…'_

'…_but I'm afraid to go back…' I finally admitted. '…and I don't want to leave you…'_

'_Cookie… I promised you… I would never leave you… I'll always be in your hear no matter what… mum and dad love you… and they won't leave you alone either…' He replied again as he moved forward and hugged me tight. 'I love you Cookie… don't ever forget that…'_

'_I love you too Jason…' I cried into his chest as the blinding light was back._

'_It's time Sera…' He said as his voice started to fade away. 'Remember… I love you…'His voice echoed in my ear._

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I couldn't face Taylor at this moment. I wanted to rip his throat off for what his daughter did to mine. He's the father… he should know what's going on. I never let mine off when she did something wrong. I've always corrected her… maybe the wrong way… but the intention was good… and now… I don't know if she'll make it or not. At least Ana is taking care of talking to him. I wouldn't resort to talking right now. I haven't fired him as yet, because I know he means a lot to my daughter. He was there for her when I wasn't… we weren't… It wouldn't be fair for her. She's my priority… no one else…

Another buzz on my blackberry drove me to the limit. I switched my phone off. Reporters were continuously calling, and this affair was already all over the newspapers. I held her hand still waiting and hoping that she'll be back… I want her back… Now that finally things between us have been getting better, I wanted to still have the chance to be a father again…with a loving family.

I closed my eyes, trying to restrain my tears. I couldn't help but imagining the worst. Seeing her like that… broke me… I could only imagine the pain she was in.

While I was still lost in thoughts, her fingers moved in my hand. I remained staring at them, hoping it was true not a dream… but they did move again. I stood up from the chair and went straight to call dad.

'Dad!' I shouted from the door as he looked at me and moved to me fast.

'What is it Christian?' He asked as he entered the room with me.

'She's waking up dad…' I replied back as I moved back towards her. She still wasn't up. I grabbed her hand again and squeezed it into mine. 'Please… Please wake up…' I begged her, while dad flashed light directly into her eyes. She started coming to her senses. She squeezed my fingers lightly, and she started mumbling something.

'What is it?' I asked her gently with tears in my eyes.

'Ja… Jas… Jason…' She finally got out, while both my father and I looked at each other.

'Sera… can you hear me?' Dad asked her.

'Jason… Jason…' She mumbled again. It scared me… she was calling for him… she knew he was dead. What was I to tell her if she believed he was still alive? Should I tell her that he's dead or not?

'Honey…' Dad started as he injected a small dose of sedative to get her to calm down. 'Sera… calm down… this won't do you any good…' He said again.

'J… Jason…' She said again. 'He's… he's…'

'Honey… Jason died… remember?' He told her gently.

'No… he was here… I saw him…' She insisted again. I knew there was something more than she ever talked about. I realized that she never dealt with his death.

'Munchkin… Jason died 6 years ago…' He said again as mum and Ana came in. 'I need you to stay calm… can you do that for me?' He asked her gently while Ana and mum moved forward.

'She's up?' Ana asked in excitement and happy cry as she moved forward to hug her, while dad held her from her arms gently.

'Ana… easy… give her some time…' He said again. 'Grace… would you mind doing the examination alone? I need to speak to Christian…' He asked her.

'Sure Carrick…' She smiled while she started taking everything. Dad and I moved outside, and I realized there was something.

'Dad… Jason?' I asked.

'Christian… she was in a coma… she probably saw him there…' He replied. 'Have you ever talked as a family about it?' He asked me while I sat down.

'No…' I admitted. '…we haven't visited his grave since… since the funeral…' I admitted. 6 years had passed, and yet we weren't ready as yet to deal with all the pain.

'Christian…' He started as he came beside me. 'I'm talking to you as your father… not as your daughter's physician. Sera needs closure… and all of you need it as well. You need to start talking about it.' He explained. 'Christian… this is the second time she saw him…'

'What do you mean?' I asked him astonished.

'When she had the cardiac arrest… and we revived her… she woke up asking for Jason… and I think that maybe that is one of the reason she wanted to remain in the coma… the memories she suppressed probably came to life… and she wanted to have more time with her brother…' He explained. '…in context, it is not a wrong thing Christian… she loves him… but in the long run…' He stopped.

'What dad?'

'Christian… she came out of a coma twice… what will take her that will make her want to stay there?' He explained. 'She tried killing herself twice… and she wasn't afraid… what will be the reason to keep this on hold and not try again?' He explained.

'Dad… I can't lose her!' I insisted as it hit home. 'What can I do?'

'Christian… you need to be a spoke… she needs to rely on you… and it will be harder… this… I didn't expect that this will ever happen Christian. There's a limit to how much a person can take… I'm afraid that this maybe her limit…'

'What do you suggest dad?'

'I've already spoken to Taylor and Ana… he agreed that he'll try and make Natalie admit that what she said and posted was a lie… she has to post it over the net… and probably will have to make a public statement… however… the damage is already done… and this will not be forgotten… Christian you need to take legal action.'

'Already ahead of you about that… I called my lawyers, and they said that we have quite a case…'

'You probably need to change her school…'

'She's home schooled right now…'

'Good… but when she goes back… if you see that things aren't easy… I'd suggest that you'd make that step…' He explained. 'Remove all her blades…'

'I already did that dad!'

'Then with what did she cut herself?'

'My shaving blades. She managed to pick the razor out of the blade…' I admitted as I passed my hand through my hair.

'Christian… you have to hide those… or put them somewhere she won't be able to find them. Remove any meds from the medicine chest or start locking it… I'll be prescribing a mild tranquiliser… they will make her sleepy, but it's the right thing to do for now. At least till she starts to feel better, then you can take her off them. But only… and I emphasise this… only when you and Ana start to see improvement. Christian you have to keep a sharp eye on her… I've dealt with this, and if it isn't monitored, it doesn't end well…' He continued. 'If she starts talking about harming herself, call me or Grace… or even John… Christian being bullied online, that can push a kid over the edge… It's like a group assault… it's very traumatic… anyone with a computer can see it. It's always there 24/7, makes the victim feel more trapped, unable to escape from it… and I'm sure John advised you about this, but I should say it… Christian, change her phone number… close her Facebook account, and make sure to get her a new phone. She knows how to hack… we experimented together during Christmas and she taught me how to do it for fun. It is why you were getting spam mails… we pranked you Christian…'

'She's smart… I've got to admit that…'

'…which is why you should take the necessary precautions. She knows how to restore deleted history… I don't want her to do it…' He replied.

'Neither do I…' I admitted.

'…and for now… monitor her internet usage… make sure she doesn't view Facebook accounts, or read anything that has to do with this… I've seen the newspapers already… they're not kind Christian… and make sure to steer away from the news for these couple of days… at least till this affair calms down…'

'I will dad…'

'…and maybe… you should translocate from Escala for now… go somewhere quite… you can use our lake house for now Christian… it's quiet… it could bring her some peace of mind…'

'I'll tell Ana about this idea…'

'Here…' He said as he handed me the keys. 'It's at your disposition anytime you want Christian… we don't use it… and it's always empty… just the house keeper keeping it clean…' He replied. 'Christian we were going to give it to Sera as her graduation present…' He continued while I stared at him. 'I have many memories there with her, when she used to spend weeks with us… I want those memories to be with her…' He smiled again. 'Take it… it's your Christian… we'll sign the papers later… We'll find another gift for her…'

'Dad…'

'Don't say anything Christian… you've worked hard to get this successful, and we never gave you anything because you didn't let us… We paid for Elliot's home… It's time we'll do something for your family.'

'Dad… I can't accept this…'

'You can and you will Christian… please… just for once… just take it and don't say anything else… It's not like you have never done anything for us…' He smiled again. 'Christian… you have to realise that although you weren't a great father, you were and still are a great person, and Sera see's that… that's why she never gave up on you… that is why she loves you… The only question is… what are you going to do?' He replied. 'Don't answer me… answer yourself…' He continued.

'When will you discharge her?'

'If the night doesn't give her any trouble, we'll be discharging her tomorrow morning.' He smiled. 'Now go to your family… she needs you…'

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	101. Chapter 100

**Disclaimer - **All names in this chapter _**ARE FAKE! THEY ARE ONLY ADAPTED TO THE**** STORY. **_**  
**

This chapter is another collaboration of AJ and I :)... I hope you'll like this :) and _**PLEASE REVIEW**_

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**Christian's POV**

I remained with her the whole night. I didn't quite sleep. She kept waking up every half an hour round the clock. I calmed her down but her sleep was very light… she didn't leave my hand, and I was glad that at least she was holding to me. Ana was a wreck herself. She kept dealing with the reporters. I was in no state of doing so. I would have ended up in trouble for sure.

As mum and dad discharged her the following morning and gave us the detailed lists of what we should do, we all headed for home. I decided that for now it's best to remain at Escala, till I deal with the lawyers and everything that is harassing my daughter. As we got out of the hospital, reporters were already outside waiting for us. She hid behind us and tried keeping a down low. However Taylor took her from us and decided to get her out of the back door. It would have made things easier for her. At least no reporter would get some picture of her. I was glad that Taylor was still honouring his dutiful job.

I drove straight ahead however I couldn't help wondering how quiet she was being. I couldn't even hear her breath. Ana gave me worried looks, and every few minutes I had to check on her to make sure that she is still with us. After few minutes of more driving we arrived home. She hid behind Ana, and didn't want to be seen from anyone. She was almost ashamed of everything. The only good thing I could see now is that she's finally home in our arms, where we can take care of her. We entered the living room, and for the first time she said something.

'Can I go to my room?' She asked Ana barely audible.

'Yes honey…' She replied. 'Do you want me with you?' She asked her.

'No…'

'Ok… Just… don't shut your door close… ok?'

'Mhmm…'

* * *

We both decided to give her a minute or so. It's no use hovering over her, because we both know she won't cooperate. We moved to the kitchen and Ana gasped at all the printed evidence there was. I asked Sawyer to get me everything that was harassing my daughter. She took a quick look and soon turned the pages down.

'I can't do it Christian…' She replied. 'Why? I don't understand why!'

'Neither do I Ana…' I replied as I moved forward to her and hugged her. '…but I won't let anyone hurt our daughter and get away with it.'

* * *

**Sera's POV**

I was getting more worried for my parents. They had to deal with everything… they shouldn't have their lives this hard. They kept giving me these worried looks, as if I'm going to kill myself in front of them. If I have to do it, I'll do it alone, not when someone is watching… lesson learnt… never try to kill yourself in a hospital… it doesn't work…

I went straight to my laptop and switched it on. I logged on, on my account, and I think I've never received that many notifications in my life. I started browsing onto my wall, and things weren't looking good. There were more rumours… a slideshow video was posted… I clicked play…but after few seconds I regretted it. I kept reading the comments.

_James Anderson 15.30 - 'Such a loser.'_

_Chris Jefferson 15.45 - 'Attention seeker…'_

_Monica Perry 15.47 - 'DIE BITCH!'_

_Natalie Taylor 15.50 - 'The truth is finally out…. Such a WHORE… and to think I was her best friend.'_

**Christian's POV**

I was getting worried. She had been in her room for a good half an hour, and yet, there was no sound of her. I decided to go to her, and maybe talk to her… I went up, and there she was in front of her laptop… scratching her fingers, and her leg shaking nervously. She was sniffling and it broke my heart seeing her in that state.

'Sera…' I called her from behind causing her to jump. 'What are you doing?' I asked gently as I went beside her and held her from her shoulders. I looked towards the screen and realised she was reading. 'Sera… shut it down…'

'Dad…'

'Sera… these will only make you worse… shut it down…' I insisted again as another beep showed another comment.

'Oh… look dad…' She said chokingly. 'Another comment…' She replied crying as she moved from the chair leaving me to read it. She went straight to the bathroom, and I could hear her cry.

_Dave Matthews 19.56 – 'Someone give me her number… I'd love to get some good time.'_

_Samantha Wardocks 19.56 – 'It's 555696325… :p have fun! :D'_

I felt more hatred. Not only they're abusing her emotionally, but now they're even exposing her this way. I browsed few posts earlier and the slideshow was there. I went beside her, and slide down to the floor. I held her close to me and took her phone away. The texts she was receiving weren't helping. I switched it off immediately. I held her tight to me and tried comforting her the best I could.

'Why dad? What did I do wrong?'

'You did nothing wrong peanut…' I tried gently. '…people can be hurtful…'

'Dad… these are not people… this was my best friend… that is what she's referring to me… I'm the school slut… and whore…

'You know you are not that!...'

'It's not what everybody is saying…' She cried again as another notification brought her to her feet. I followed her and read the new comment… they were getting more hateful by the minute. I knew this wasn't going to stop. She couldn't help it. She wanted to know what they are saying about her. I switched off her laptop and closed it. I took it off from the plug.

'Dad…' She started chokingly.

'Sera… I don't want you to read these. I know you won't be able to stop… it's understandable…' I explained gently. '…and even your phone…' I replied as I handed her the new one. 'I got you a new one… new number everything… I know you prefer Windows Phone… I got you the latest Nokia model.' I explained. 'I've already asked Sawyer to block Facebook usage…' I continued as she was about to say something. 'Don't say anything Sera…' I smiled as I moved to her bedside table and filled a glass of water. I handed to her, and gave her the medicine.

'What's this?' She asked.

'It's a mild tranquilizer… It will make you sleepy… but it's better like this for now…' I smiled.

'Dad… I don't need it…' She replied as she placed her new phone and the glass of water on the table and moved to her bed.

'Sera… don't fight this… you need it…' I reasoned. 'Sera… Don't do this to me!'

'Dad… I don't some damn tranquilizer! I'm not a horse! Horses and dogs take those stuff when they're out of control… I don't…'

'Sera… you have to take these… even if I have to shove them down your throat…' I insisted. 'Sera… Take them now…' I ordered sternly. I had to get her to take them. 'Please… just take them!' I begged. 'At least do it for me and your mother… We're afraid you are going to do it again…'

'I regret…' She started slowly, as she looked down.

'What do you regret peanut?' I asked her gently as I held her close to my chest.

'Nothing dad…' She replied slowly as she hid her face into my chest.

'Sera… please…' I begged. I couldn't hold my tears any longer. She was scaring me to death. She already tried on killing herself twice. I was afraid she was going to try it again… and this time she'll succeed. I knew she had the guts… she had more guts to do things more than I did… 'Sera… please… for me… take them…' I begged again, as finally I managed to change her mind. She let go of my embrace and went forward to take the glass of water. I handed her one tablet, and in few seconds she swallowed it.

'I'm off to shower…' She said slowly as she avoided my eyes.

'Don't lock the door…' I instructed gently. 'Your mother will be here shortly…' I smiled as she got out a towel and new clean clothes.

'Ok…' She replied back as I left to give her some privacy.

* * *

'Ana…' I started as I joined her in the kitchen while she was having some dinner.

'How is she?' She asked as I placed her laptop beside all the evidence I gathered.

'Not good…' I replied as I sat down. 'She's showering…'

'I'll keep an eye on her…' She said again as she left her almost finished dish in the sink. I was glad that at least she was eating. I realized that Sera hadn't eaten anything all day. She skipped breakfast and lunch… and I doubt she's in the mood for dinner. I could force her… but I don't think that that would make things any better. I had to talk to someone about this. I had no idea how to handle it.

I sat down at the large stack of evidence that there was. I had to sort it out, and view everything. The comments kept increasing… and they never stopped. My father was right. Cyberbullying is worse than bullying. It's constantly there.

**Ana's POV**

I kept holding her and trying to comfort her. Everything was weighing down on her, and I couldn't stand seeing her in that much pain. I tucked her in bed gently and held her close to me. She sobbed… and I cried with her.

'Honey… you're making yourself sick…' I tried.

'Mum… I can't take this anymore… I want to end it… Please…' She begged. She was scaring me to death. She was depressed… and I wanted to hold her close to me as much as possible.

'Honey… do you remember when you were younger? We used to walk in the countryside… along the lake…' I tried. 'Do you remember all those times we kept dreaming on what we'll do together when you grow up?' I continued while she nodded. 'I still want to do those stuff with you… but I need you here baby girl… You are my only daughter… I cannot lose you too… Please don't leave me alone…' I begged as I held her closer to me.

'Mum… I'm tired…' She said. 'I'm tired of this…'

'I know baby girl… but your father and I will always be here for you… no matter what happens…' I tried again as I ran smooth circles over her face. 'You know… I still remember the first time I held you in my arms. You were so small… you wrapped your tiny hands to my index finger. That day I promised myself that you'll be my princess. You've changed us Sera… You don't realise it… but since you've came… your father managed to overcome his demons. He became a more loving man… and it's only because your innocence… your love… you made us a family… I wish you can realise that Sera…' I chocked, as her sobs subsided. I rubbed her back gently and after some time, her breath evened out, and she was finally asleep. I got up slowly, making sure not to wake her up. I took one last look at her before I closed her door. I wanted to make sure she was at least a little close to be ok, but I knew we had a long way to go.

I went down to the kitchen, and made my way straight to fridge. I brought out a bottle of wine. I was a mess myself, and only thing that I felt useful right now was a glass of wine. It would get me to calm down.

'Is she asleep?' Christian asked slowly as I filled the glass wine.

'Yeah she finally is…' I replied exhausted while he stared at me. 'I'll check on her later…'

'These people are one sick fuck…' He replied in spite as he continued with the papers.

'Christian… I'm so worried about her… I've never seen her like this… not even when she was raped…' I replied as I moved towards the counter. 'It's just… destroyed her Christian…' I cried.

'A guy sent her a picture of his dick Ana…' He replied still focused on his task.

'Ok… stop…' I said again as I moved forward and closed the books and papers. He was consumed into this while he tried to stop me. 'Stop with this shit.'

'What are you doing?' He asked as he tried to stop me.

'What the fuck are you doing?' I challenged. 'Why are you down here when you should be up there with her! You think finding the source of all of this and getting revenge is more important… that it's going to make her better? Do you…' He cut me off.

'It might… or it might show other things…'

'I want these kids out of my house… I want this all to get out of here Christian!' I said again desperately as with one move I cleared the table and shoved everything to the floor.

'You want me to go up there and talk to her?' He shouted. 'I've tried… she won't fucking talk to me…'

'Christian shut up! Shut the fuck up!' I shouted back. 'She finally… fell… asleep!' I replied in tears. 'You would fucking know that if you were up there with her… It's… Sera… She is in pain… she needs you… and you just … you're sitting there doing nothing…' I cried as he kept staring at me hurt. I went down to the floor and picked up all the papers I've dropped. 'Here… here you go…' I replied as I handed them back to him and left the room.

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	102. Chapter 101

**Christian's POV**

A week had passed since she was discharged, and things had been getting worse and worse. She gave up eating, and didn't have the will to even come out of her room. Ana and I both tried getting her to talk… but it was to no avail. She closed herself, and I couldn't recognise her anymore. All those dreams… hopes… the will to get all better… it vanished before my eyes. And she was deteriorating slowly. Vanishing into thin air. There were no more smiles… no one to bring some joy to us. She's stuck in this place, and whatever we say isn't helping.

Ana was broken herself. She couldn't handle seeing her like that. She knew this was different. I, on the other hand decided to give up my search. Ana was right. I was more concerned with getting pay back rather than being there for my daughter.

'Christian…' Ana said as she came down. 'She doesn't want to eat.' She said as she came beside me. 'What are we going to do?'

'I called dad…' I confessed. 'He told me that he'll come by later to put her on the tube again…'

'Christian…'

'I know Ana… but what do you expect me to do? Let her starve to death? Gail had to help her shower this morning while you went to make the statement with the reporters Ana… She doesn't have the energy to walk again… and it's getting serious…'

'What did Carrick say?' She asked me gently.

'He saw this coming Ana… we both know what her control is…' I replied back.

'Christian… maybe we should translocate for now… It would be better for her… and us as well… we all need some peace of mind. Her especially Christian!'

'Dad gave me the keys to their lake house… he said it's ours now…' I admitted.

'What do you mean by ours?' She asked.

'Mum and dad were going to give it to Sera as a graduation present. He thought it's better if we use it… he gave it to us…'

'Did you…' she started as I cut her off.

'I did Ana… but you know my father he won't stop until he gets what he wants.'

'That was nice of him Christian…' She replied again as she took a seat.

'Eat Ana… I'll go talk to her…' I replied as I made my way up.

'Christian…' She stopped me.

'Yeah.'

'…be gentle… she doesn't need more hurt right now…' She advised as I continued my way up.

* * *

She was there lying in bed with a book in her hand. The broken one was giving her some trouble these days, and she tried holding on to the pain rather than having pain killers. The tranquilizer was making her more tired, so she spent more time feeling drowsy than up. We made sure that at least every half hour someone would check up on her. But she looked more like a ghost.

I knocked gently trying to get her attention but she was so lost in what she was doing.

'Sera…' I called her gently as I moved forward and took her book.

'Dad…' She replied as she reached for the book. 'I was reading that…'

'…and you're also closing yourself in here…' I replied as I placed it on her desk and lied down beside her. I pulled her close to me and rubbed her back gently. 'How are you feeling?' I asked her.

'…tired…' She replied. 'Those stuff are making me too sleepy…'

'I know… you need it peanut…' I tried gently. I knew this wasn't easy on her, but we couldn't stop the medication for now. I couldn't trust myself… and her for the matter that she wouldn't try it again. 'Let me tell you what… if you come to eat… and I'll see that you are safe, we'll try and decrease the dosage. What do you think?'

'I'm not hungry dad…'

'Sera… you haven't touched anything in a week… you're losing weight again… faster than ever… your body is shutting down and I'm scared for you…' I tried again as she stood up to a seating position freeing herself from my embrace.

'Dad…'

'I swore to myself that I won't let you die…' I tried while she cut me off.

'Dad… Dad just stop!' She said in irritation as she stood up holding for support.

'Look at you… you barely have the energy…'

'Dad… please… just for once… can't you just accept it that I'm not hungry!'

'Accept it?' I asked in disbelief as I stood up and faced her. 'How can I accept this when you are resorting back to your anorexia?'

'No…'

'No what Sera?' I challenged as I moved forward and she moved backwards away from me. 'Don't you dare say damn otherwise Sera… You have no other choice in this… You're coming to eat now… Even if I have to drag you down… and you're going to eat till I see the plate clear.' I replied as I grabbed her from her functional arm and dragged her down.

'Christian…' Ana tried while Sera struggled to get away from me.

'Dad… leave me alone!' She said with tears in her eyes.

'Over my dead body Sera… You are going to eat and that's final!' I ordered sternly as I took the rubber band from her arm and quickly placed her hair into a pony tail. Her hair was so brittle. Lumps were falling from it… something in me stirred in pain. I quickly took her shoes and placed both her arms on the table. I remembered all the tips John had given us, while Ana kept rubbing her back gently.

'Honey… you need this…' Ana tried, while she continued crying. I brought her portion in front of her and sat beside her, making sure that she would eat. I handed her the fork and waited for her to do the first step. She was nervously shaking her head, while rubbing her forehead with her casted arm. She tried hiding behind her arm… but that was to no use. I could see her struggling. I realized that maybe I handled it wrong. I was forcing her… and right now what she needed was affection.

'Peanut… I'm sorry…' I admitted as I placed my hand on her thigh trying to stop it from the shaking, but she quickly removed my hands. I knew she still wasn't ready for anybody to touch her… but I had to try… I had to make my daughter comfortable in any way I could. 'Honey… you need to eat… just take one bite… I know it's the hardest step…'

'…but we promise it will get easier by time…' Ana joined in. 'Come on Sera… you know you can do it…' She encouraged again.

After almost half an hour of struggling, she closed her eyes tightly and took her what seemed like a first bite. It wasn't much… but it was the first step. She continued slowly, not saying a word. Ana and I kept looking at each other over her head. We both didn't know what to do, but we had agreed to talk to John about this. He knows more than we do in handling this… We are her parents… but she needs professional help…

Ana realized that this was getting harder, and she wasn't going to finish her meal for sure. I didn't want to give up just now. This would then only escalate to giving in her negations. I know it doesn't work that way... and it wouldn't. After almost 2 hours, her meal was finished with only one fork left there. I decided to at least let her go off with that. I took the finished to Gail, so she can continue with the dishes.

**Ana's POV**

I knew it wasn't easy on her. Maybe Christian was being a little too hard on her. But what were we supposed to do? Let her starve to death? At least Carrick was coming by… she needed to be back on the tube… and soon. She had shed 20 pounds in a week. With this rate… she'll be in a coffin before we know… not to mention, she needed to be able to attend the private hearing against Natalie.

'I'm going to my room…' She said barely audible, as she got up and made her way up.

'Sera…' I tried but she only went up.

I heard the door close, and a second door as well, but Christian took me out of my deep trance.

'Where is Sera?' He asked as he came back.

'She went to her room…' I replied drained out.

'Dammit!' He said again as he climbed the stairs two at a times with me on his heel. He barged in the room and didn't find her there. We heard the water running and we both barged in into the bathroom. I knew what she was about to do. I couldn't stand it and see it. I went straight to call John.

**Christian's POV**

I knew what she was about to do.

'Dad… what are you doing here?' She asked as she noticed I was there.

'Sera… what are you doing?' I asked her as I stood behind her.

'Dad… I need to use the bathroom…'

'Why are you doing this to yourself?

'Dad… I really need to use the bathroom…' She insisted again with fear in her eyes.

'Sera…' I replied in tears. 'I love you… I don't want you to hurt yourself like this…'

'I need to go to the bathroom…' She insisted again.

'Go ahead…' I replied again. I wanted to know if she had the guts to do it.

'I need… I need to throw up… Ok?' She said slowly.

'Do it… Do it in front me then… Purge…' I challenged hoping she would stop doing it. 'Go ahead…'

'This is my bathroom! GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!' She shouted.

'STOP IT!' I shouted back.

'I don't want you in here… ok?' She said again as she went over the toilet.

'Don't you dare!' I challenged as she held strong to the toilet, while with her left arm, she shoved it in her throat, and soon heaving sounds of her throwing up filled the room. I was tore apart. She raised her head for a second to take a breath and soon returned back to what she was doing. I realized her grip was loosening. I quickly moved forward to stop her. There was nothing more she could throw up, and yet blood was there… I held her strong although she struggled to go back. I held her tighter, feeling her body giving out. I washed her face and hand. I helped her rinse her mouth. He legs finally gave out, and there was no energy in her. I picked her up… there was nothing of her. I was confused… the shame and the fear she had was too much to handle that she was willing to do it in front of me. I knew I was losing her… I knew this got out of hand again… maybe dad was right… we should translocate… but she had to deal with this in court… Natalie permanently… permanently damaged my daughter… and she thinks I was going to let this go… No way in hell I was going to do that…

I held her tighter while I felt her finally rest into my arms. I tucked her in bed gently and brought a damp facecloth. I placed her on her forehead. She kept trying to talk, but I tried calming her down. I brought a glass of water and helped her drink it…

'Dad…' She tried as she held me from my arm as I was going to get her another glass. 'Don't leave… please…' She begged me. I quickly removed my suit jacket and my shoes. I climbed in bed gently and pulled her to me. She was shaking but at least she wanted me… she wanted me to be there for her. 'I… I'm sorry…' She admitted as I felt tears running over my cheek. I quickly dried them and held her closer to me. I looked towards my wedding band, and quickly remembered the vows I made to Ana. We vowed that we were going to accept… and love… any children that God gifted us with. I knew that I had to be stronger than ever. Especially to her…

'_Christian… you need to be a spoke… she needs to rely on you emotionally…'_

My father's words echoes into my ears.

She held tighter to me as if there was no tomorrow. 'How long?' I finally asked her.

'Almost 7 years…' She admitted slowly. I closed my eyes in pain. This had been going on under my eyes for 7 years… and yet… it went unnoticed.

'Why? Why didn't you talk to us?' I asked her again as I kissed her forehead.

'You were never there… you were always angry dad…' She admitted. 'I was afraid of you…'

'Are you still afraid of me?' I chocked. I never realized that I made her this way.

'Sometimes…' She admitted. '…don't blame yourself dad…' She tried as she hugged me. 'Daddy… please… make me stop…' She begged. 'I'm tired… I'm in pain… I want to end this… please… help me dad… don't leave me alone…' She cried.

'I will never leave you alone peanut… Never…' I replied. '…and there is nothing in this world that will make me stop loving you…'

'I ruined your life… didn't I?' She asked. 'I bet you wish to have a normal daughter… or Jason… he would have made a better child… than I have…'

'Don't say that…' It scared me hearing her say that. I knew the words were getting to her. 'Sera, you are everything that your mother and I have. We don't want to lose you Sera… You never ruined anything peanut… if anything you've changed us…' I explained. 'I still remember the surprise your mother gave me when she was pregnant with you. We were taking extra precautions… you had to see us Sera… we were literally walking on eggshells. Ana wouldn't move an extra 5 minutes… we hired a nurse to make sure that nothing was wrong… any pain she felt we were straight to the hospital… We wanted you Sera… we wanted you so bad… We had been trying for kids for years… and when we knew we were expecting… we were the happiest people on earth. Your mother didn't make love to me for the whole 9 months…' I smiled. 'She was afraid that it could cause a miscarriage or something. I agreed with her… there was nothing in this world that I wouldn't do to have my daughter in my arms… and when you were born… damn…' I smiled. 'I still have the video in my study… You never wanted to sleep into anyone's arms except mine… you were always daddy's girl… always Sera… You didn't want to sleep into your mother's arms… only mine… Ana used to wake me up during the night to get you to sleep… I waited for those hours to wake up to stay with you Sera…' I continued. 'Do you remember those times when your mother went abroad for meetings and we had those nights together?' I asked her.

'Mhmm…' She replied. 'You would let me stay past bed time watching cartoons with you, but then you would get worried that I wasn't sleeping enough, so you made me sleep into my bed time limit…' She smiled. '…and I remember… ones you couldn't find my underwear and pj's… you told me that mum decided to act all FBI into putting all clothes into a hiding place. You gave my your underwear and a shirt of yours… you tied a knot or something to make it smaller, and when mum came home and found me like that she started laughing…'

'Of course she laughs… I laughed myself when I saw you into my clothes… you were what… 5, 6 years old?' I chuckled. 'I realized that time that you were growing up Sera… You started school and I had less and less time with you… then circumstances… the brought us apart… but I'm here now Sera… and I'll do anything to save you…' I insisted.

'Dad… I wish I'm still that age… I used to feel happier… more live… I had friends… I had a life…' She told me softly. '…and now… I'm in this place… I was looking forward to get better dad… I really was…'

'…and now?'

'I don't know dad…' She admitted. 'Till a week ago… I wanted to end it all… I really wanted to… but now… I look at mum and you… and you're fighting for me… you want me… and you're giving me a reason to stay…'

'…but?'

'I can't control this dad… I want to be able to be happy and fight this… but everybody thinks I'm some kind of whore… I'm some kind…'

'Sera…' I cut her off. '…what they're saying is a lie… Your mother and I are doing everything into our power to stop this… they will pay dearly for what they did to you…' I explained.

'Exactly dad… and that would be me fighting back… and the fight would continue on an on…'

'No…'

'…and then… I'll be no better than them…' She continued. 'The lawyer said, that they are facing for a minimum of 10 to 15 years in jail... that they'll be executed as adults… I cannot have that on me… I cannot let Natalie have that… She's expecting a child… what kind of life would her kid have when his or her mother is in jail?'

'Sera… I'm sure Natalie didn't think twice about that… Why should you?'

'I want this to end dad… I don't want to let this go on and on…' She admitted. 'I want to let them do the plea bargain…'

'No Sera… I cannot let you do that… look at how they got you… They hurt you… I can't do that…'

'Dad… please…' She begged. 'I don't want this to change who I am… I want this fight to end… I want to be the same person before this happened… Dad please…' She begged again.

'Sera…' I finally realized. 'I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…' I realised I was too busy about getting revenge and getting them behind bars that I didn't take into consideration my daughter's wishes. '…but Sera… I'll let you do that on one condition…' I started. 'You have to testify against them… you have to testify against Natalie… and she has to make a public statement that what she posted and said is all a lie…'

'Ok… ok dad… I'll do that only if we do the plea bargain…'

'We'll talk to the lawyer tomorrow… what do you say?' I asked her gently while she nodded.

'Thank you daddy…' She replied. 'I love you…'

'I love you too peanut…' I smiled as I realized that this maybe was the start of a new chapter for all of us.

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	103. Author's NOTE (2)

Dear Faithful Readers,

I am very sorry to say that this current week, I won't be able to update chapters. My laptop decided to divide itself in half, and from one laptop I now have two halves (keyboard on its own and the screen part on its own). I have to send it to my technician so he'll be able to fix it. Once I get my laptop back, I will be updating again, and I will have the story all ready :)...

I'm very sorry for the inconvenience caused, and I hope that you'll all be patient with me till I get my laptop back.

Thanks,

Best Regards,

Allison :)...


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